


Like Real People Do

by southdownsraph



Category: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Anal Sex, Attempted Sexual Assault, Children, Chronic Illness, Drug Addiction, Eating Disorders, Eventual Sex, M/M, Nightmares, Non-Traditional Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Nonbinary Character, Omega!Aziraphale, Oral Sex, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Panic Attacks, Past Abuse, Past Character Death, Past Drugging, Past Miscarriage, Past Rape/Non-con, Past Sexual Abuse, Past Violence, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Pregnancy, Scars, Strap-Ons, Trans Character, Unplanned Pregnancy, Vaginal Sex, alpha!crowley, drug overdose, this fic WILL make you hate Gabriel
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-19
Updated: 2020-04-25
Packaged: 2021-02-27 09:47:25
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 55
Words: 218,039
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22325032
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/southdownsraph/pseuds/southdownsraph
Summary: Azra has had a lot of time to recover from his first-ever relationship, but unfortunately, he spent a lot of those years focusing solely on raising his daughter. But when he accidentally hires an alpha as a last-minute babysitter, he'll have to finally face everything he's been avoiding. Especially since Anthony could be the key to Azra's recovery.
Relationships: Anathema Device/Newton Pulsifer, Aziraphale/Crowley (Good Omens)
Comments: 1809
Kudos: 863





	1. Chapter One

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! This is my new work (yes, apparently I have a problem with only being able to come up with titles that start with L but whatever). There will be a lot of heavy content in this fic, and I will tag every chapter as carefully as I can, but please be aware of this!   
> If you have any questions, feel free to contact me - check my bio or leave a comment.   
> This chapter contains: mentions of transphobia and panic attacks.

Azra was getting desperate. 

He'd gotten a call from his mother earlier that day, while he was on his lunch break. She was sick, and needed someone to sit with her for a few hours while she was in hospital the next day and her husband was on a trip. It wasn't much of a scare, just a bad case of pneumonia, but he didn't want her to be lonely. 

The only issue was that he didn't have a babysitter. The girl who usually watched Emily for him between her finishing school and him getting home from work wasn't around at weekends, and while Anathema was usually more than happy to spend some time with Emily, she was on holiday with Newt until the next week. 

She'd sent him a link to a website for finding childcare, though, along with a sincere apology for not being around. Azra had replied that it couldn't be helped and he hoped she was having a good time, and then opened the website on his laptop. 

Emily bounced in from the living room, giggling. "Daddy!" 

He sighed and turned, smiling at her tiredly as she launched herself at him. Heaving her up into his lap, he hugged her tightly, kissing the side of her head. "Yes, love?" 

She flung her arms around his neck, still laughing to herself happily. "I finished my letters!" 

"Good, well done," he murmured distractedly, rubbing her back with one hand while scrolling through the list of names. Only a few had pictures, and one caught his eye, the bright ginger hair practically unmissable. 

"I wanna do some reading before bed!" 

Azra nodded, reaching up to stroke her hair lightly. "We can, baby. I gotta find you a sitter for tomorrow first."

Emily shifted, getting more comfortable on his lap and relaxing into his chest. "I don't want a sitter, I don't need one." 

Azra chuckled, leaning his head against hers as he clicked on the redhead's profile. He had a masters in child development and five years' experience in childcare, and his smile in the photo was bright and friendly. "Mm, you're getting big, but you're still only six, love. I can't just leave you, and I know you'd hate the hospital." 

"Is Gran gonna die?" 

Azra blinked, but he was used to blunt, odd questions from his daughter like this one. Kids could be a bit weird to be around, but he wouldn't have it any other way, it kept life interesting. "No, she's okay. She's just a bit lonely while she's getting better," he hummed, checking the man's postcode and finding that he lived in the next village over, only about ten minutes away. He picked his phone up off the table and typed out a quick text to the number on the screen, then stood up, holding his daughter against his chest with one arm. 

"Alright, let's go do some reading, love. What do we wanna read?" 

Emily squeezed him tightly, her hair tickling his cheek. "A new one!" 

Azra chuckled, starting up the stairs slowly. "Okay, let's pick one out together, shall we?" 

* * *

After about an hour of reading, Emily was finally fast asleep, curled up under her blanket comfortably, so Azra slipped out of the room, leaving the door open only a crack behind him. Just as he headed downstairs, his phone buzzed in his pocket, so he pulled it out quickly, recognising the number on the screen. 

He tapped the answer button and held it to his ear, leaning against the wall. "Hello?" 

"Hey, this is Anthony, you uh...you texted me?" 

The voice was quiet, and not exactly soft, but with a kind tone to it that drew Azra in. 

"Yeah, are you around tomorrow? I've got to visit my mum in hospital for a few hours." 

"I'm around all day," Anthony answered with a smile in his voice. "I just moved here, so all I had planned was continuing to unpack." 

"That's great. Can I ask you a couple questions?" 

"Go right ahead, I've got nothing to do," he chuckled, and Azra smiled, walking over to sit down on the couch. 

"The website said you had experience in childcare, but it was vague, could you explain that a bit more?" 

"Of course, I worked part time at a daycare for most of my undergraduate degree, with kids from a few months to four years old. I've just finished my masters and started my PhD, and during my masters I spent a lot of time in elementary schools, helping with teaching and studying the kids' interactions with learning. How old is your daughter?" 

"She's six," Azra answered quietly, running a hand through his unruly blond curls as he took a slow breath. 

"That's such a sweet age," Anthony hummed, and Azra nodded slightly, looking down at his hands. 

"Yeah, she's very well-behaved. I'm planning on leaving at two tomorrow and coming back around eight, do you think you could come round a bit early so I can show you where everything is?" 

"Sure, is one thirty early enough? I'm assuming I'll need to put her to bed and everything." 

"Yeah, that should be fine. And yeah, her bedtime is usually seven, but anywhere between then and seven thirty is fine." 

"Cool, if you text me the address, I'll be over then. How much do you usually pay?" 

"Uh, well I usually have a girl from the high school come round when I'm at work, I pay her ten pounds a day." 

"Ah, yeah," Anthony said, and Azra winced, jumping in quickly. 

"Obviously that's um...not...yeah, is that an hour okay?" 

"Ten an hour? Yeah, that's about right," Anthony chuckled, and Azra relaxed, letting go of a long breath. "If she's got any reading or writing or anything like that she needs to practice for school as well, I can help her with that," he added, and Azra smiled, nodding slightly. 

"Yeah, that would be good. She's pretty good with writing, but she needs a lot more reading."

"Well, it just so happens that I'm good with reading," Anthony answered brightly, and Azra smiled to himself, feeling much less anxious than he had just a few short minutes ago. 

"Good. I'll um...I'll see you tomorrow, then," he said softly, and Anthony hummed agreement. 

"See you then, Azra. Have a good night." 

The line went dead before Azra could say anything, so he just took a breath, then set his phone aside and got up to make himself a hot milk. 

* * *

"Daddy?" 

"Yes, love?" Azra answered, still frantically trying to tidy the living room. It was 1:27 and he was practically shaking. The combined anxiety of having to meet someone new, of leaving his daughter with him, of having to drive so far to go to a hospital - it was all getting on top of him. 

"Why do I have to have a new babysitter?" 

Azra pinched the bridge of his nose and took a deep, slow breath, trying to calm himself down without much success. Then he turned and gathered Emily off the floor and into his arms, holding her tight to his chest. 

"Because no one else was around, baby," he murmured, kissing the side of her head lightly. "Are you going to be good for him?" 

"Yes, Daddy," Emily mumbled, her voice a bit muffled where she'd buried her face in his neck. 

"Good, I know you will," Azra sighed, squeezing her a little just as the doorbell rang. He sighed and gently pried her off him to set her on the sofa, telling her to stay there in a soft voice and heading off down the hall. 

He took another deep breath, his hand resting on the door handle, then opened it slowly. 

The man standing on the mat smiled. He was tall, taller than he'd seemed in the picture, and skinny, a rather imposing figure. His red hair, short in the picture, was just brushing his shoulders, pushed back with a pair of sunglasses that were resting on his head. 

Azra had to admit he was handsome, and his heart thudded a little faster in his chest, just before the scent washed over him. 

Heady and thick, it was the unmistakable scent of an alpha, and it made Azra's heart drop into his shoes. He quickly stepped out, shutting the front door behind him and folding his arms over his chest defensively as bone-shaking terror turned to anger. Anthony took a quick step back, blinking in surprise, his golden eyes suddenly worried. 

"You didn't tell me you were an alpha," Azra hissed, his teeth clenched, his body poised to- well, he wasn't sure if he would run or fight or simply burst into tears if the alpha made any kind of wrong move, but he was certainly tensed for anything. 

Anthony seemed confused, raising his hands slightly. "I um...you didn't ask, and I didn't really think it was relevant," he said slowly, but this just served to stoke the fires of Azra's defensive rage. 

"You should have put it on the website!" Azra snapped, jabbing a finger towards the unfamiliar man and causing him to take another half step back, his brow furrowing. A look of annoyance passed across his face and Azra's heart nearly stopped, his hand suddenly fumbling behind him, closing around the comforting familiarity of the doorknob. 

"Why? It has nothing to do with my qualifications!" Anthony answered sharply, then shook his head slightly. "Jesus, it's not like you can afford to be picky, trying to book a sitter on such short notice." 

"You should have put it on there because it's nearly always omegas who are involved in childcare! I was expecting an omega!" Azra snarled, fear fuelling his anger even further as Anthony got more heated. He couldn't back down now, no matter how much he wanted to flee. 

Anthony scoffed and rolled his eyes dramatically, folding his arms over his chest. "That's just sexist. I shouldn't have to announce that I'm an alpha just because you think that it's an omega's job," he growled, causing Azra to pull a face. 

"I never said-" 

Anthony raised his hands quickly, taking a deep, slow breath. The alpha scent, having escalated as his anger had risen, began to subside again, no longer overpowering. "Look, this isn't getting us anywhere. I'm sorry. You still need a sitter, and I'm the most qualified you'll find around here. How about we put this aside so you can visit your mum?" 

Azra swallowed, his mouth suddenly feeling dry as the anger dropped away, leaving only that dull, shaky fear. "Y-yeah," he mumbled, then felt a flash of shame. He was the one who should have calmed the situation down, not the other way around. The shame was quickly followed by guilt, sickening and twisting, so he swallowed again and gave a soft sigh. "Yeah," he managed, a little louder and more certain. "Why don't you come in?" 

Anthony nodded slightly, and Azra turned, shaking hands fumbling with the doorknob for a moment before swinging the door open and stepping inside. He tried to keep a good amount of distance between him and Anthony, moving back slightly as he walked into the hallway. 

"Shoes off, please," Azra said softly, and Anthony nodded again, not looking at him as he bent down to take his shoes off. 

Now that Azra was getting used to Anthony's scent, it seemed to be getting less intense, and as it faded from his conscious perception, he began to relax even more, although still keeping his distance. 

Anthony took his shoes off carefully, then followed Azra into the living room, where Emily was still sitting patiently, a picture book open on her lap. She looked up curiously when Anthony walked in, blue eyes round and slightly apprehensive. 

"Emily, this is Anthony," Azra announced quietly, still feeling a bit sick. Emily glanced between them, then smiled and stood up, marching all the way up to Anthony with her book clutched in her little hands. 

"Will you read with me?" She demanded, and Anthony chuckled, gently taking the book from her and looking at the cover. 

"If that's what you'd like, Emily. You like reading, then?" 

"I love it, but I'm still learning," she answered confidently, and Azra found himself wishing he had just an ounce of the confidence six year olds always seemed to possess. 

"That's okay. It's always good to have room for improvement," Anthony answered, and Azra relaxed even further, some of the fear melting away at the gentle, happy tone to the man's voice. He just seemed so genuinely interested, so kind, and his scent was almost completely unnoticeable to Azra now. 

"Why don't you keep reading for a bit, Em?" Azra suggested gently, and she looked up at him, her mouth already open for a protest. "Just for a bit, I need to show Anthony around and tell him what to do." 

"My bedtime is at midnight," Emily giggled, and Anthony grinned, shaking his head slightly. 

"That's not what your Daddy told me," he protested, and she laughed again, holding her hand out for her book. Anthony gave it back to her carefully and she hurried back over to the sofa, throwing herself down to go back to reading. 

Azra smiled to himself weakly, then led Anthony into the kitchen, shoving his hands into his pockets awkwardly. Anthony was still avoiding eye contact with him, looking everywhere around the room except those bright blue eyes. 

"Um. Well, she's not allowed sugar past six, she can have an ice lolly after dinner if she ate all her veggies. There's a pasta bake in the fridge all ready to go, if you put that in the oven you can both have that. Um...yeah...I'm not really sure what else," Azra mumbled, trailing off uncertainly as Anthony took his sunglasses off his head, folding them neatly and setting them on the kitchen counter. 

"Does she have any allergies or health problems I need to know about just in case?" He prompted quietly, and Azra sighed, shaking his head slightly. 

"No, nothing like that," he answered, checking his watch and taking a deep breath. "I should get going, do you have everything you need?" 

"Yeah, I'll text you if there's anything else," Anthony mumbled, and Azra picked his keys up off the side. 

"Okay. I'll...I'll go, then." 

* * *

Visiting his mother had been hard. Azra didn't like seeing her weak, it went against everything he knew of her, but at least she sounded as if she was already getting better. And she hadn't mentioned his transition for once, which was definitely a bonus. He was rather sick of hearing about how he'd ruined his beautiful figure or whatever bullshit she'd always managed to come up with in the past. 

In any case, he was finally getting close to home, and although he was excited to see Emily, he was nervous as well. 

Azra had had rather too much thinking time on the drive there and back, and the guilt had set in properly by the time he drew near his town. He couldn't believe he'd been so rude to Anthony, even if he was scared, and he knew he had to apologise. But just the thought of trying to explain himself was making him sweat. 

He ground the heels of his hands against the steering wheel, sighing heavily as he turned down his street. And then he was in the driveway, all too soon, his hands starting to shake ever so slightly as he got out of the car. 

Azra walked up to the front door slowly, taking a deep, slow breath before unlocking it and slipping inside. The scent of an alpha washed over him, thick and intoxicating, and he winced, feeling his heart thudding faster in his chest, his whole body tense. 

Anthony appeared in the doorway to the living room, leaning against the frame with his arms folded over his chest. Azra took a few steps forward, as close as he dared. 

"Anthony...I...I'm really sorry," he said, forcing the words out through his fear-constricted throat. "I shouldn't have said what I said, it was insensitive and...and stupid. I just…" he took a deep breath and looked down, suddenly feeling tears pricking at the corners of his eyes. "I have some issues, and...and I'm...I'm sorry." 

Azra looked up shyly, blue eyes searching gold. 

Anthony seemed surprised for a moment, then smiled graciously. "I accept your apology," he answered, his voice genuine and soft. "I had a feeling it came from a...well, a place of fear. Obviously, I won't press you, it's your business, but I'm glad you feel safe enough to apologise." 

Azra stared at him for a moment, then shook himself and managed a smile through the confusion and so many clamouring emotions. "Thank you," he mumbled, and Anthony just nodded, pushing away from the wall and straightening up. Unconsciously, without any thought whatsoever, Azra took a step back, then immediately felt guilty. Anthony didn't react, however, not seeming surprised or hurt in any way. 

"If you're ever in a tight spot with sitters again, let me know," he said quietly, as if nothing had happened, apparently ignoring the blush rising to Azra's cheeks. "Emily's lovely, very sweet and polite. You've done a really good job raising her," he went on, and Azra smiled, pride bursting in his chest. 

"Thank you, I do my best," he answered, and Anthony smiled in response, his gaze rather softer than it had been that afternoon.

"It's definitely a good best," he murmured, moving closer to Azra. This time, he didn't move away, but he shoved his trembling hands in his pockets, taking a deep, slow breath as that scent intensified slightly. 

"Thank you," he said again, his words coming out a little strangled this time. Anthony's expression changed, his eyes flickering back up to meet Azra's gaze, his body language backing off slightly. He smiled briefly and nodded, then glanced toward the front door. 

"I should um...get going," he said quietly, and Azra swallowed, nodding and stepping back to let Anthony past him and into the hallway. As he brushed past, Azra nearly fell into him, that scent so overpowering, so intense that he almost made a grab for his arm. But he kept himself under control, mostly thanks to that dull, throbbing terror that accompanied any interaction he had with an alpha. 

Anthony slipped his shoes on and then turned with an expectant look and Azra fumbled for his wallet, feeling his cheeks heating up again. 

"Sorry, sorry," he mumbled, handing the cash over quickly and nearly jerking away when their fingers brushed. Anthony smiled, managing to contain sympathy and amusement in one expression. 

"It's alright. Thank you, and have a good night." 

"You too," Azra choked out, and Anthony gave him one last smile, hesitating slightly before turning and opening the door. 

It shut behind him with a rather final click, and Azra almost collapsed, falling against the wall as all the tension suddenly faded. He could still smell that sweet, yet sickening scent, so he hurried around, opening a few windows and lighting a couple of candles, shaking the last match out just as his phone rang. He grabbed it from his pocket and answered it with trembling hands, his breath still a bit quick. 

"Hello?" 

"Hey, Azra," Anathema said quietly, but with a smile in her tone. "How's your mum?" 

Azra wandered over and collapsed into the sofa, laying back comfortably and staring up at the ceiling. "She's definitely a lot better. They're going to discharge her tomorrow. And she managed not to say anything transphobic this time." 

Anathema chuckled softly, and Azra felt all the tension of the day melt away, leaving him relaxed and exhausted. "Well, that's two good things, then. So you found a sitter alright in the end?" 

Azra sighed, rubbing one eye with the back of his spare hand. "Yeah, but um...he was an alpha." 

Anathema was silent for a moment, then gave a soft little 'oh.'

"Yeah," Azra mumbled, resting his hand over his eyes. "He didn't...he didn't say anything about it before he arrived, but as soon as I opened the door, I could smell, you know? And I um...I said some not very nice stuff to him, but he stayed anyway and I think Emily liked him. I apologised when I got back, but...I just feel really embarrassed." 

"Oh, Azra, don't," Anathema soothed, her voice gentle and exactly what he needed to hear. "It's alright. You apologised, that's the important thing. And I can't imagine how much of a shock that was, it must have been terrifying." 

Azra's throat closed up briefly and he struggled to swallow the tears, his hand starting to tremble slightly. "Y-yeah...I...it was  _ awful.  _ I just...I just still can't deal with it, and I feel bad, but...I just can't."

"I know, it's okay," she murmured, and Azra squeezed his eyes shut, gritting his teeth as he willed himself not to cry. "It's alright, there's no obligation for you to be over anything. You're working on it, and that's what matters. This new therapist is helping, I mean...if you'd opened the door to find an alpha on your doorstep a few months ago, you would have slammed the door in his face and had a huge panic attack. You're making progress, even if it doesn't seem like it. Maybe you should take advantage of this, ask him around another time, if he seems nice. Exposure in small, safe doses, that kind of thing." 

Azra winced at the idea, but knew that she was probably right. "Maybe...I think he does a tutoring service too, maybe I could ask him to help with her reading and you could be there?" 

"That sounds like a very good idea," Anathema murmured, her voice still gentle and encouraging. "Give it a week or two, though, let yourself recover. I'm sure it was very stressful for you." 

"Yeah...I'll um...yeah. I think I need to go to bed." 

"That's probably a good idea, hon. I'm here if you need anything, and I'll see you when I get back anyway."

"Yeah, love you," Azra mumbled, letting out a soft, slightly shaky breath. 

"I love you, too. Get some rest." 

Anathema hung up and Azra sighed, getting up slowly. He blew out the candles and shut the windows before locking the front door and heading upstairs slowly. A brief check on Emily found her fast asleep, so he left her to it and wandered into his own room to get some much needed rest. 


	2. Chapter Two

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter contains: nightmare including graphic violence, references to PTSD and previous abuse (physical, sexual, psychological), mention of scars (including top surgery), mention of prescription drugs (just the name)

_ All Azra could hear was shouting, all he could see was red. His whole body ached, stung, or throbbed, and he was sobbing uncontrollably, trying to crawl away. His fingernails caught on the stone floor, this new pain adding a note to the cacophony, lost amongst the agony.  _

_ He felt a pressure on his lower back and squirmed, but couldn't escape the boot pressed down on his spine, pinning his bloodied body to the floor.  _

_ "Say it," the voice above him snarled, and Azra whimpered, dropping his aching head to the cool stone, going limp as he gave in.  _

_ "I'm sorry, alpha."  _

_ "Louder!"  _

_ Azra choked on another sob, then cried out as fingers curled in his hair, tugging his head up sharply. He tried to open his eyes, but blood was still trickling into them, effectively blinding him, the tears streaming unheeded down his cheeks. "Alpha! Please!"  _

_ There was a scoff and the pressure on his back was released, his head dropped back to the floor where it impacted with a resounding crack. A kick landed on his ribs, and he didn't even have the strength to whimper, simply laying there, crying silently as he heard a distant door slam shut, a lock clicking home.  _

* * *

Azra woke in darkness, sitting up abruptly and hugging himself tightly as he shivered, the tears already welling up and spilling free, washing the dregs of sleep from his cheeks. His hands shook, and he began to rock himself slightly, his eyes distant and unseeing. He tried not to lose himself in those memories, but it was difficult. There were so many, and every time one came up, all the others came rushing back, thronging around him, clamouring for attention. 

Azra's fingertips dug into his sides, his chest heaving as the shock wore off and the sobs came instead, soft and pitiful, each one wracking his body as more tears soaked the front of his shirt. He felt weak and useless, and he hated that feeling. He hated the reminders that he had once been seen as nothing more than a toy, an object to be used and manipulated and beaten. 

He didn't feel like he was much more than that, even now. After six long years, after so much time spent raising his daughter, trying to become himself again, he still didn't feel like a person. Not a whole one, at least. 

Perhaps it was because of that gaping hole he always felt in his chest, that endless feeling that he was missing something, something you had to have to be a real person and not just a toy. Perhaps it was because of the nightmares and flashbacks, the simple fact that going to the shop to buy food could send him into a panic if he caught the scent of an alpha too strongly. Perhaps it was simply because he'd spent too much time on Emily and not enough on himself. That was what Anathema seemed to think, anyway. That's what she'd said when Emily had finally started school and Anathema had gently pushed Azra to start therapy and medication. 

And it was working, he tried to remind himself as he sat there, sobbing in the dark. It was getting better. He could manage it in public settings like the shops now, or at work. But on his home turf, in his house, it was much more difficult. 

Azra dragged his hands down his face, trying to reframe it, trying to calm himself down. The last time he'd had a nightmare had been weeks ago; he was making progress. It was just that surprise of having Anthony there, his scent lingering in Azra's home that had done it. He was managing, he was doing better. He had to believe that. 

After a while, after many breathing exercises and forced positive thoughts that he didn't quite believe, Azra had calmed down enough to stop crying. He was still hugging himself, rocking ever so slightly, but his breathing was under control, and the thoughts lining up to tell him how useless and ugly and weak he was had dissipated. He turned to look at the clock and gave a deep, heartfelt sigh. It was almost time to wake Emily for school, and he still felt as if he needed ten more hours of sleep. 

Azra dragged himself from bed, stumbling as he got up, his whole body feeling stiff and unresponsive. Using the walls for support, he managed to get to the bathroom, turning the shower on to heat up while he undressed. Then he slipped inside, letting out a deep, comfortable sigh as the hot water washed over him, making him shiver slightly. He'd always found showering comforting, it was a safe place for him. He could get clean in peace, enjoying the steam and the warmth, and the soothing feeling of the water running over his skin. 

Azra took a breath and looked down at himself, running his fingertips over one of his long, thick scars, a couple of inches below his nipple. He liked his surgery scars. They were the only scars on his body, out of the hundreds he'd accumulated, that he actually liked. They were all his, nothing to do with anyone else but him. He'd chosen the surgery that put them there, he'd decided to move on with his life and change his body to reflect who he'd always been inside.

He smiled to himself as he stepped under the spray at last, tipping his head back to wash his hair. For once, he had a warm feeling in the pit of his stomach, a feeling that things were moving in the right direction. 

* * *

After his shower, Azra felt much better, much more like himself, so he woke Emily gently and got her up, making them both healthy cereal for breakfast. 

Once she'd eaten and gotten dressed, he gently herded her out of the door and into the car. He found the routine settling, dispelling all the lingering memories of his dream and allowing him to relax fully as he drove. 

"So, what did you think of Anthony?" He asked after a moment's thought, his grip on the steering wheel tightening slightly. 

"He was nice," Emily replied happily, gazing out of the window. "He did a lot of reading with me, and he gave me an ice lolly." 

Azra sighed, shifting slightly in his seat. "Was he nice to you?" 

"Yeah. I liked him," Emily answered a bit distantly, and Azra rolled his eyes fondly, deciding to drop the questions for now. It didn't seem like he was going to get much more information anyway. 

When they got to school, he kissed Emily's cheek and watched her run off into the building, then took a deep breath and got back into his car. He sat for a moment, gathering his thoughts, finally starting the engine and pulling out of the parking lot with a slight smile on his face. 

* * *

By the time Azra had changed into his work uniform and stepped into the pharmacy, his boss, John, had already arrived and was setting up. 

"Hey, can you do some work on the inventory today? We need to start making expiry checks again," he said without looking up from whatever he was writing. Azra nodded, picking up a clipboard from the desk and tucking it under his arm. 

"Alright. Has my prescription come through yet?" 

"The heat suppressants? Yeah, they're all bagged up under your name, so don't forget to take them with you today," John answered, waving a pen vaguely towards the racks of held prescriptions.

"Thanks," Azra mumbled, turning to start doing inventory under A. 

He liked John, he was businesslike, but kind enough, and had never asked Azra any difficult questions. He'd been asked plenty of those at job interviews before, questions about his single fatherhood, his gender, his scars. But John, a relatively young beta with piercing blue eyes and an immaculately groomed dark beard, had hired him on the spot based solely off his qualifications.

Azra had been at the job for coming up on five years, and had never had an issue with it, although he did have to admit that he'd always wanted something a little more ambitious. 

In any case, he'd gotten all the way through to the C's undisturbed before the bell on the counter rang, cutting through his thoughts. 

"Can you get that?" John called from the back somewhere, and Azra set his clipboard down quickly, hurrying over to the front desk. 

The familiar scent washed over him almost before Anthony came into view, leaning on the counter casually, his sunglasses once again on his head, pinning his hair back. He smiled brightly when he saw Azra, something soft in his expression. 

"Hey," he said, holding out a slip of green paper. 

Azra took it delicately, smiling back as best he could manage with that scent tensing every muscle in his body. 

"Hey. Just this for you today?" Azra asked, looking over the prescription and blinking.  _ Hydrocodone.  _ He looked up at Anthony, a little flustered, but he just smiled again, although this time it was rather strained. 

"Yeah, just that please." 

Azra nodded distantly, swallowing as he half turned away. "I just need to check with the pharmacist, I'm not allowed to dispense these without a check," he announced, and Anthony just nodded. Hesitating for just a moment, Azra hurried away, finding John and showing him the slip. 

"Yeah, we have those. Go back to the counter and get him to pay, I'll bring them over," he said, glancing towards the counter. "He seems rather young to be on such strong medication." 

"Just a bit," Azra agreed, glancing at Anthony's date of birth. He was twenty six, only two years younger than Azra himself. 

"Go on, shoo," John chuckled, gently pushing at Azra's shoulder and causing him to blush slightly before hurrying off. He found Anthony still waiting patiently, his hip cocked, his arm resting on the counter. 

"The pharmacist is just getting them for you," he announced, tapping a few keys on the register. "Do you normally pay for your prescriptions?" 

Anthony nodded, then cleared his throat, seeming a little more uncomfortable than his posture had suggested. "Yeah, I do." 

"Alright. Would you be happy to pay for these now?"

"Yeah, that's fine," Anthony mumbled, glancing towards the shelves as he tugged his wallet out of his pocket and opened it. 

"Nine pounds then, please," Azra prompted, and handed over the card reader when Anthony pulled his debit card out of his wallet. The reader beeped and Azra tore the receipt as it was fed out, handing it over just as John hurried over from the back, setting a box down on the counter. He scribbled a signature on it, then tucked it into a bag and stapled the bag shut before offering it to Anthony, who took it carefully. 

"Thank you," he said quietly, and hesitated for a moment, seeming as if there was something he wanted to say, his eyes fixed on Azra. Then he just flashed an unconvincing smile and turned, walking out of the shop without another word. Azra winced, feeling John's curious gaze on the side of his head. 

"I'll go finish the inventory," he announced hurriedly, before any questions could be asked. 

* * *

As he worked for the rest of the day, ticking off medicines and occasionally filling prescriptions for customers, he couldn't keep Anthony off his mind. He couldn't stop wondering why he needed such strong medication, why he'd given Azra that odd look just before he'd left. There seemed to be so many things about the alpha that Azra just didn't understand, and despite his general apprehension, he had to admit that he was curious. 

When he got home, he paid the babysitter and sat with Emily for a while, helping her with some basic sums and her reading until he had to go make dinner. Once they'd eaten, he put some cartoons on the TV and Emily curled up in his lap, watching happily while he just held her contentedly. 

Not long before bedtime, Emily started to drift off, her head nodding slightly, so Azra turned the TV off and carried her to bed, helping her change into her pajamas and brush her teeth before tucking her in gently. 

"How's that, baby?" He murmured, stroking her hair as she blinked at him sleepily, reaching out for his hand. He let her take it, smiling down at her lovingly while she played with his fingers lightly. 

"Comfy," Emily answered quietly, her eyes closing briefly before she opened them again, taking a deep breath. 

"Don't fight it," Azra chuckled, running his knuckles down her cheek lightly as her eyelids fluttered again. "I'm here, get some sleep," he soothed, and Emily smiled slightly before finally giving in. Her eyes slipped closed, her body relaxing into the mattress as she fell asleep, drifting into unconsciousness without fuss. 

Azra smiled to himself and stood up slowly, closing the door behind him without latching it. Then he went back downstairs, sighing to himself as he picked his phone up off the coffee table, where he'd left it to put Emily to bed. He looked at the screen as it lit up and froze, blinking slowly. He'd gotten a text from Anthony. 

Sinking onto the sofa slowly, Azra unlocked his phone and opened the text, his fingers trembling slightly. 

_ Anthony, 19:14 _

_ Hi, I know this might be a bit odd, but I've got to be honest. I'd really like to get to know you more. You seem so nice and I don't have any friends here yet, and I've been a bit lonely, to tell the truth. I hope this doesn't come across as creepy, I'm not trying to stalk you or anything, I promise. I just miss having people to talk to. I won't be offended if you ignore this message. But I hope you won't.  _

Azra stared, reading and re-reading the text until he was sure he'd probably memorised it. He could feel his breathing getting quicker, so many mixed emotions rising, choking him. Working on instinct rather than thought, he closed the messages app and tapped on contacts, then put the phone to his ear, squeezing his eyes shut as it rang. 

"Hello?" 

Azra's shoulders dropped, relief pouring through him at the sound of that familiar, comforting voice. "Hey." 

"Is everything alright? You...you sound upset," Anathema murmured, and Azra swallowed the lump forming in his throat, his spare arm wrapping around himself unconsciously. 

"N-not really. I um...I had a really bad nightmare last night a-and then Anthony came into the pharmacy...and he just texted me." 

Anathema was quiet for a moment, then gave a soft little sigh. "Alright, slow down, hon. Was the nightmare the usual sort?" 

Azra bent over slightly, his eyes still closed as he tried not to remember his dream. "Yeah," he mumbled, taking a few slow breaths to keep calm. "I think...I think I probably had it because he was here." 

"Probably," Anathema agreed quietly, and Azra was relieved that she didn't try to press him for more details. "So he came into the pharmacy? Was it for something?" 

"Yeah, it was for a prescription. I'm pretty sure he didn't know I worked there," Azra murmured, unconsciously rubbing the side of his neck as he spoke. "He seemed surprised to see me." 

"Happy surprised?" 

"Yeah, I think so. I um...yeah. He texted me just now, he says he wants to get to know me." 

There was a short pause, and then Anathema answered, a smile in her voice. 

"That sounds positive. Was it a nice text?" 

"I think so, he apologised in case it sounded creepy, but I think he's just a bit lonely. He just moved here," Azra sighed, opening his eyes to stare down at the carpet distantly. 

"Alright. So tell me about him," Anathema prompted gently, and Azra rolled his eyes. 

"Um...he's...he's well, an alpha," Azra mumbled, and Anathema chuckled softly. 

"Yes, we've rather established that," she teased, and Azra rolled his eyes again, leaning back in his seat. 

"I know, I know. It's just...what I think of first, I guess. He's um...very friendly. He smiled at me a lot, and he has a nice smile. He's handsome, I guess. And Emily really liked him, she's usually pretty uncertain around new people, but she took to him immediately." 

"That's a lot of positives," Anathema said slowly, then sighed again. "Look, Azra, I'm going to be blunt with you. Life will be a lot easier for you if you can recover. There's no rush, there's no obligation, but you'll be happier, ultimately. And I know you'll probably never recover fully, I know that's not how this works, but if you can be in the same room as an alpha without having a panic attack and nightmares for a week, I think that counts as recovery. And I think Anthony is a great opportunity. He's fallen into your lap practically gift-wrapped, with a little bow on top. He's friendly, kind, good with children, and attractive,  _ and _ obviously drawn to you. I think you need to take that new step forward. But at the end of the day, it's up to you and what you feel comfortable with," she added gently, and Azra sighed, pressing the heel of his spare hand against his eye. 

"I know, it's just...it's so hard.." 

"I know, hon. I know," Anathema murmured sympathetically. "Look, we'll be back on Friday, so how about I come over that evening and we can have a chat and spend some time together after your therapy session?" 

"That sounds great," Azra replied, feeling a little happier as he rubbed his neck again, pressing over the dark mark left there after he'd been claimed. It had faded a lot over the years, but was still rather noticeable, and one of his most hated scars. "I've missed you." 

"Yeah, I've missed you too," Anathema answered, a soft smile in her voice. "For now, with the text and everything, just do what makes you comfortable, yeah? Ignore it if you need or reply, whatever you feel okay to do. There's no right or wrong here." 

"Thanks," Azra murmured, letting out a slow breath. "I needed to hear that. I'll see you on Friday, then." 

"Yeah, Friday. Love you." 

"Love you too." 

Azra hung up and opened the messages app again, reading the text a few more times, his hand still shaking slightly. Then he took a deep breath in and began to type. 

_ Azra, 19:57 _

_ Don't worry, I don't find this creepy. I understand it's difficult moving to new places where you don't know anyone. You seem very friendly and kind, and I think I would like to get to know you as well. However, I did mention my issues yesterday, and they're still difficult for me to handle. I hope you can understand that this will be tough for me.  _

He hit send before he could back down, then bit down on his thumb lightly, staring at the screen nervously for a minute or two while he tried to decide whether or not it had been a good idea to text back. Then the reply popped up, far quicker than he could have hoped. 

_ Anthony, 19:59 _

_ I understand completely. I have my own issues as well, and I know how much of a barrier personal experiences can be when trying to form new friendships. Perhaps we can just meet for a coffee to start with, or any other environment that makes you feel comfortable. I want you to be as comfortable with me as possible, and I'll do my best to make that happen.  _

Azra took a deep breath, suddenly feeling rather choked up, his heart beating faster in his chest. He'd never been spoken to so kindly by an alpha before, with such natural consideration. He couldn't believe that Anthony would be so concerned over him, wanting him to be comfortable and happy. 

Rubbing his eyes shakily, Azra tried to take deep breaths, tried to keep himself calm. But a voice in the back of his mind was starting up, whispering to him nastily. Pointing out how Anthony could just be faking all of this, pretending to care so he could get Azra alone, so he could- 

Azra groaned, burying his face in his hands as he tried to dispel those awful thoughts. He shook his head slightly, shoving them away, shoving away the memories. He wanted to believe that Anthony was kind and considerate and gentle, but it was just so difficult.

His phone buzzed again, making him jump, and he grabbed it off his leg, checking it frantically. 

_ Anthony, 20:04  _

_ Are you around on Saturday? Maybe we could meet for lunch, somewhere you like. Or whatever you want to do, I'm happy with anything.  _

Azra sighed deeply, then unlocked his phone and typed out a reply, having to retype nearly every word, as his trembling fingers kept making mistakes. 

_ Azra, 20:06  _

_ Lunch on Saturday sounds good. There's a pub called the Crown in the village that's quite good, if you like that kind of thing.  _

Once he'd hit send, Azra got up abruptly, deciding that he was too tired for all of this, and needed to get some rest. As he headed up the stairs, his phone buzzed once more, and despite everything, he found himself smiling. 

_ Anthony, 20:07  _

_ Perfect. I'll see you there at 1?  _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi, I hope you're enjoying this so far! Leave me a comment if you are, it would be great to hear from anyone who reads this!   
> Much love <3


	3. Chapter Three

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: description of scars, panic attack

Azra got a call on Thursday, right after he got home from work, informing him that his mother was back in hospital. As soon as he hung up, he tapped on a different contact, waiting nervously as the phone rang. 

"Hello?" 

He breathed out, a deep sigh of relief, the phone pressed against his ear. "Hey...um, my mum is back in hospital and-" 

"I'll come round," Anthony interrupted quietly. "No problem. Are you leaving now?" 

"Yeah," Azra mumbled, a bit taken aback, but rather relieved. 

"Okay, I can be there in about fifteen minutes, I have to get dressed. Are you alright?" 

Once again, Azra blinked, surprised, but a smile spread across his face almost immediately. "Yeah, I'm okay. I think she's fine, just needs some different antibiotics and some company." 

"Good," Anthony answered sincerely, then cleared his throat. "I'll um...I'll go get ready, then." 

"Alright." 

The line went dead and Azra sighed, holding his phone in both hands for a moment, then shook himself and hurried into the living room where Emily was quite happily making a huge mess. 

There were pencils, markers, and crayons strewn everywhere, along with half-finished drawings and colouring pages. He smiled to himself fondly and crouched down next to her, rubbing her back lightly. 

"Hey love. I have to go and see Gran in hospital again, she's okay, but she's lonely. Anthony is going to come over and watch you tonight, is that alright?" He asked gently, stroking her dark hair as she turned to look at him with those deep blue eyes. Then she smiled and nodded, turning back to her colouring. 

"Yep. I like him, he helped me with my reading." 

"Maybe he'll help you with your colouring this time," Azra chuckled, ruffling her hair lightly and brushing it behind her ears. "What do you want for dinner tonight? I'll leave Anthony some money for takeout." 

Emily appeared to contemplate this deeply, staring unblinkingly at the paper in front of her. "Chinese," she said at last, and Azra nodded, stroking her hair once more before getting up. 

"Alright, love. I'll tell him when he gets here, okay?" 

"Okay," she answered simply, just as there was a knock at the front door. Azra let out a deep sigh of relief and hurried down the hall, opening the door quickly. 

Anthony smiled, but Azra was feeling rather too flustered to smile back; he'd forgotten just how overpowering the alpha's scent was. It washed over him all in one go, decadent and inviting, and he almost stepped back, swallowing hard. 

Anthony seemed to notice this time, wincing at Azra's expression. "Sorry, I just showered," he mumbled, and Azra forced a smile, stepping aside to let him in. 

"It's okay," he said quickly, even though it wasn't, and Anthony took his shoes off, setting them down neatly and straightening up a little too close to Azra. He stepped back hurriedly, but Azra was already walking away rather more quickly than normal, his heart thudding in his chest as Anthony followed him at a distance. 

He led the alpha into the living room, at which point Emily looked up, then scrambled to her feet and launched herself at him, giggling as he scooped her up. 

"Anthony!" 

Anthony grinned, clearly a bit embarrassed, but holding Emily on his hip as if it was the most natural thing in the world, his hand steadying her back as she grabbed his sunglasses off his head. 

Azra watched in surprise, never having seen Emily so excited to see anyone who wasn't him or Anathema. He shook the shock away quickly, though, holding out some cash with a slightly shaky hand. 

"Here, I didn't have time to make dinner, so-" 

"Chinese!" Emily interrupted in a shout, and Azra rolled his eyes as Anthony took the cash carefully, tucking it into his pocket. 

"Yeah, she wants Chinese," Azra chuckled, watching as Anthony put her down lightly, gently pushing her back towards her colouring. "There's menus in the drawer." 

"Thanks," Anthony smiled, and followed him back towards the door, leaning against the wall while he put his shoes on. "Will you be back around the same time as last time?" 

"Hopefully," Azra answered, grabbing his coat off the rack. "I'll text you if I'm going to be any later." 

"Okay," Anthony said simply, and Azra opened the door, glancing behind him worriedly and being met with a comforting smile. "Go on, we'll be fine," Anthony encouraged quickly, and Azra smiled weakly, slipping out of the door. It closed behind him with a loud click and he was on his way, his hands shaking still as he pulled his keys out of his coat pocket. 

* * *

The visit was long and tiring again, dealing with his mum being rather argumentative and an overload of information from the doctors. But finally, Azra pulled up in the driveway, turning his car off and getting out. He unlocked the front door and slipped inside, taking his coat and shoes off and looking up to see Anthony standing in the hallway, his hands in his pockets. At that point, Azra froze, his blood turning to ice, terror and embarrassment filling him in equal measure. 

He'd been so hot in the hospital that he'd taken his jumper off and left only a t-shirt on, and he'd forgotten. He'd taken his coat off, leaving everything on display: the scars around his wrists, the countless little cigarette burns, the cuts, the deeper slashes, even the surgery scars from the time his wrist had been broken. 

And Anthony was staring. 

He stopped himself almost immediately, his cheeks flushing slightly as he forced his gaze back up to Azra's face, but he'd  _ seen. _

Emotion choked Azra, squeezing his throat, causing tears to prick at his eyes as he tried to hide his arms casually, failing miserably. 

"How was it?" Anthony asked gently, and Azra stood for a moment, fighting it all, then began to cry ever so softly. 

It took him by surprise just as much as it did Anthony, who seemed rather panicked by Azra's tears, his blush darkening as he stepped forward awkwardly.

"I'm sorry, I-...I didn't mean to upset you," he tried, reaching out for Azra and jerking back as he flinched away, that scent only serving to make him cry harder, the tears hot as they slid down his pale skin. 

"Why don't you come sit down?" Anthony murmured, reaching out again, slower this time. Azra managed to stand his ground, twitching when he felt Anthony's hand on his shoulder, but not stepping back. "That's it," Anthony soothed, relief in his voice as he gently led Azra forward, all the way into the living room and over to the couch. Azra collapsed gratefully, burying his face in his hands as the cushion beside him sank. 

A hand slid over his shoulder again and he twitched, the sobs coming a little harder, but this time, Anthony didn't draw back. 

"Shh, it's alright. It's okay," he murmured, starting to rub slow circles into Azra's skin as the sound of his soft cries filled the quiet room. He didn't really know why he was crying anymore, just completely overwhelmed with everything, but he did know he couldn't stop. Especially with Anthony there. 

He  _ needed  _ comfort, he needed to be wrapped up in a hug and have hands in his hair and on his back. And that scent was just as inviting as it was sickening, beckoning him closer, trying to drag him in, while also repulsing him, sending fear coursing through his body. 

"I'm sorry," Anthony said again, his voice a little shaky as he kept rubbing small circles into the back of Azra's shoulder. "I'm really sorry, I didn't mean to upset you." 

Azra managed to get some of his sobs under control just as he heard footsteps on the stairs, then a soft little voice. 

"Daddy?" 

Anthony gave a quiet sigh just as Azra frantically tried to dry his tears, his hands shaking. Azra forced a smile for Emily, opening his arms as she walked up to him, dragging her stuffed rabbit by one foot. 

"Hey baby, can't sleep?" 

She shook her head, climbing up into his lap and curling against his chest as he hugged her tightly. He buried his face in her hair gladly, rocking her from side to side as she pressed herself even closer into him. 

"Want reading," Emily mumbled, and Anthony sighed softly, just as Azra squeezed her a little tighter. 

"How about you give your daddy some space and I come read to you?" Anthony suggested gently, before Azra could say anything. 

"Please," Emily said simply, and Anthony stood up, scooping her up off Azra's lap and smiling at him sympathetically. 

"I'll get her back to sleep," he said simply, and Azra nodded, managing a grateful smile before the alpha walked off, murmuring something to Emily. 

Once they were out of sight, Azra buried his face in his hands again, sniffling as he tried to get his emotions back under control, as well as his natural drive to give himself over to the alpha in his house. His body was trying to tell him that he should be rolling over, submitting, letting Anthony have his way with him. But every other part of him was protesting, terrified, and it was getting so overwhelming. He didn't like feeling like a battleground between instinct and emotion. 

After a few minutes of deep breathing, Azra eventually got himself under control, at least enough to make his way upstairs, moving quietly through the familiar house. Emily's door was still standing open about a foot, so he stood in the doorway for a moment, just taking in the scene in front of him. 

Anthony was laid on his back on top of the sheets, Emily cuddled up to him, her head resting on his chest as he read quietly. Emily's eyes were just starting to close, her resolve weakening as sleep crept in, so Azra slipped into the room, moving over to sit on the edge of the bed and stroke his daughter's hair. Anthony shot him a smile, but kept reading, his quiet voice soothing Emily just as much as her father's hand in her hair, and she was soon fast asleep, snoring ever so softly. Azra chuckled and Anthony extricated himself as carefully as possible, laying Emily's head on the pillows without waking her. 

They left the room in silence, and Azra pulled the door to behind him, following Anthony down the stairs and into the hall. 

Anthony smiled at him, his eyes still showing sympathy without any signs of pity. "Would you like a hug?" He asked, and Azra's heart dropped, terror gripping him for a split second. "You can say no, I won't be upset," Anthony added quickly, and Azra's fear subsided, that gentle, but firm reminder that he could refuse enough to settle him. He smiled slightly, a little nervous, and nodded. 

"I'd like that," he said softly, and Anthony stepped forward, pulling him in slowly, hugging him tightly, his hands spreading on Azra's back. Somehow, despite everything, it was one of the best hugs Azra had ever received; firm yet soft and comforting, even a little protective. He found himself pressing his face into Anthony's neck, that long hair tickling his nose as he let out a happy sigh. 

And then it was over, Anthony pulling away ever so carefully, his hands sliding over Azra's back as he let go reluctantly. It wasn't as if he was getting much comfort from anyone else, after all. 

Anthony smiled awkwardly, then bent down to put his shoes on, and Azra snapped out of his thoughts, patting his pockets for his wallet. He found it and tugged it out quickly, fiddling with the slippery plastic banknotes just as Anthony straightened up and closed his hands around Azra's gently. Azra twitched, but looked up into those soft golden eyes, his heart thudding in his ears. Anthony smiled again. 

"Hey, it's fine," he soothed, letting his hands slip from Azra's and shoving them into his pockets instead. "We're friends, right? It's fine. And I like watching her." 

Azra blinked, taking a ten out and trying to hand it over wordlessly, but Anthony gently pushed his hand back, shaking his head. 

"You bought me dinner, it's okay," he smiled, and Azra swallowed, suddenly feeling uncertain. 

"Are you sure?" 

"Positive. I'll see you on Saturday, yeah?" 

"Yeah," Azra echoed dumbly, and then Anthony was gone, the door clicking shut behind him as he slipped out. 

* * *

The next day, Azra got home at around seven, unlocking the door and kicking off his shoes just as Anathema hurried down the hall, pulling him into a tight hug. He chuckled tiredly, hugging back just as tight and letting out a soft sigh. 

"Em's in bed, she had a long day at school," Anathema announced softly, and Azra pulled away carefully, frowning. 

"What kind of long day?" 

"Double PE, that's all," Anathema soothed, reaching up to fix one of Azra's blond curls. "Nothing to worry about. You look done in." 

"I feel it," Azra mumbled, and Anathema gently took his hand, squeezing it before starting to lead him into the living room. He followed in a haze of exhaustion, sitting down where he was told and taking the mug of tea that was pressed into his hands. 

"I should check on-" he protested quietly, but got no further. 

"I looked in on her ten minutes ago, she was sound asleep," Anathema interrupted, stroking her hand over Azra's hair gently. "Just relax, hon. How's your mum?" 

"Back at home tomorrow," Azra sighed, taking a sip from his hot tea and savouring the sweet taste. "She's a lot better today." 

"Good," Anathema said simply, and Azra nodded distantly, leaning into her slightly as she wrapped an arm around him. "How's things with this new man?" 

Azra nearly choked on the tea, but managed to swallow, not daring to look at his friend's face. "Um...he was here yesterday when I went to visit Mum." 

Anathema's eyes widened, and she punched Azra's shoulder gently. "You didn't tell me! How was it?" 

Azra felt his cheeks flush and gave a small shrug. "I may have cried on him because he saw my scars," he admitted softly, and Anathema's grin faded, her smile turning gentle and sympathetic. 

"Oh, honey. Was he okay about it?"

"Yeah, I think he was just as embarrassed as me," Azra answered with a wry smile, looking down into his mug. "Um. Emily came down while I was crying, so he took her upstairs and read to her until she fell asleep again. It was...it was really sweet, actually. Made me...made me kind of wish I had a full family, y'know?" 

Anathema clicked her tongue, shoving his shoulder gently. "You do have a full family, idiot." 

"You know what I mean," Azra fake-snapped, rolling his eyes as Anathema chuckled. "Anyway, he hugged me before he left. He was really nice about it, he asked and told me I could say no, so I did it. He's um...very good at hugs," he admitted, feeling his cheeks burning even hotter as Anathema's grin crept back. 

"I have to see a picture of this guy." 

Azra laughed softly and pulled his phone out quickly, going onto the childcare website and finding Anthony's profile before handing the phone over. 

"Wow," Anathema said softly, and Azra swallowed, suddenly nervous. 

"He um...he has long hair now, down to his shoulders," he mumbled, and Anathema nodded, handing the phone back. 

"He's definitely good-looking. Not really my type, but that smile seems very sweet, and I love his hair colour." 

Azra smiled, nodding slightly as he looked at the picture again, his chest feeling a bit warm. "Yeah...he's nice, I think I made him a bit panicky when I started crying. I don't think he knew what to do with me." 

Anathema chuckled, watching as Azra tucked his phone away, still not meeting her gaze. 

"We're going out for lunch tomorrow. Would you be able to watch Emily?" 

"Of course," Anathema answered immediately, grinning and wrapping an arm around Azra's shoulders gently. "Anything to see you dipping your toe in the water again. You'll have to tell me everything, you realise that, right?" 

"As always," Azra chuckled, her gentle teasing alleviating some of his nerves. "It'll be nice to be in a public setting with him, but I am a bit nervous. In case I do something stupid or whatever." 

"I'm sure you'll be fine," Anathema soothed, letting him put his mug aside before drawing him into her side, smiling as he curled up against her, relaxing happily. "You're too cute, even if you do something stupid, I'm sure it'll just make him like you more." 

"Shush, he probably doesn't even like me in that way anyway," Azra mumbled, and Anathema didn't reply, squeezing him gently instead. 

"How was your therapy today?" She asked after a brief silence, and Azra sighed, closing his eyes. 

"It was okay. Tiring as always." 

"Yeah, I'm sure," Anathema murmured, and kissed the top of Azra's head lightly. "How about we watch a movie? Take your mind off everything for a while." 

"That sounds great," Azra smiled, relaxing even further and settling into the couch as Anathema turned the TV on, keeping one arm around him. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, enjoy this update schedule while it lasts!   
> I like trying to get a decent few chapters up in a short space of time to give people finding it who are new to my stuff a little more to read, and also my editor is going through it really quickly, so thank her for doing such a great job!   
> I'm currently writing chapter 13 so hopefully these will keep coming fairly often, but I don't like making promises on here, just in case! I'm sick at the moment though, so I'll probably spend quite a bit of time writing when I don't feel well enough for class.   
> Anyway, hope you enjoyed this chapter, even if it wasn't quite the one you were expecting! ;) Please let me know what you thought, I love reading your comments so much!   
> <3


	4. Chapter Four

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CW: allusions to past abuse and scars, detailed description of eating disorder   
> As always, don't hesitate to contact me if you have questions or concerns!

Azra got to the pub at a quarter to one, finding a table in a quiet corner and sitting down to wait. He kept looking at his phone, nerves making him feel a little sick, his hands shaking ever so slightly. The longer he had to wait, the worse it got, and by the time Anthony arrived, a few minutes late, Azra wasn't sure he wanted any lunch at all. 

Anthony spotted him fairly easily and hurried over, already slipping his coat off and draping it over the back of the chair. "Hey, sorry," he said quickly, sounding a little out of breath. "I got lost," he admitted, his cheeks colouring slightly as he sat down.

Azra smiled faintly, trying not to breathe too deeply as that scent washed over him, although it was much more diluted in a public setting, with so many other smells there to counteract it. In fact, it only took a few seconds for him to get used to it, and he soon relaxed, his shoulders dropping as he sank back against the back of his chair. 

"That's alright. I um...already got a drink," Azra said awkwardly, gesturing to his glass of lemonade. Anthony just smiled and got up, tilting his head slightly as he took his sunglasses off and laid them on the table delicately. 

"Do you need another one?"

"No, thank you," Azra answered hurriedly, a bolt of fear shooting down his spine at the idea of letting the alpha handle anything he consumed. Memories flashed up unbidden and he quickly pressed the heels of his hands against his eyes, trying to banish the thoughts. 

"Azra? Are you okay?" 

He jumped, dropping his hands back to the table and forcing a smile as Anthony sat down across from him again, setting a glass of coke down in front of him. 

"Yeah,'" Azra managed, nodding slightly. "Sometimes I just...have memories come up," he said vaguely. "I'm okay, though." 

Anthony nodded slightly, picking up the menu and glancing over it. Azra took a deep breath, tugging his sleeves down over his wrists anxiously before picking up his own menu. 

"Do you know what the salads are like here?" Anthony asked, and Azra's heart dropped. He suddenly felt a bit shaky, his stomach doing a flip as his grip on the menu tightened slightly. 

"N-no, sorry," he forced out, trying to push away the overwhelming thoughts that he needed to be careful what he ordered, he needed to order something small, something light, otherwise-  _ you fat slut, I can't believe I claimed someone like you, you're repulsive, you're-  _

"I was um...I was joking," Anthony said awkwardly, a worried smile tugging at the corners of his lips. "Salads in pubs are always awful, aren't they?" 

Azra nodded distantly, the memories dropping away, that awful voice in his ear fading, but the fear remaining, his heart beating fast in his chest. "Yeah, they are," he agreed quietly, looking down and missing the pained expression that flickered across Anthony's face. 

"Well, I know what I want," he announced, closing his menu, and Azra forced a smile, turning his attention to the lighter side of the menu. It only took him a few moments to choose something, and when he set his menu down, Anthony got up immediately. 

"What would you like? I'll go order," he smiled, and Azra shifted uneasily, still feeling rather shaken. 

"I'll have the half chicken panini, please," he said quietly, and Anthony nodded, turning on his heel and heading for the bar. Azra took a few deep breaths while he was gone, trying to calm himself down again. He had a distinct feeling that this wasn't exactly going well. 

By the time Anthony came back, Azra had his breathing back under control, and was feeling much better, even managing to smile at the alpha as he sat down. 

"Hey," Anthony smiled back, and Azra found himself unable to look away from those bright golden eyes, tugging his sleeves down reflexively. 

"Hi," he mumbled shyly, and Anthony's smile widened slightly as he leaned his elbows on the table. 

"Do you feel a bit better?" He asked gently, to Azra's surprise. 

"Um, yeah, I do," Azra said quickly, looking down at the table briefly, then back up into those captivating, kind eyes. "Can I ask you something?" 

"Of course," Anthony said immediately, leaning his chin on his hand. "That's why we're here, right? To get to know each other." 

Azra smiled a bit more genuinely, tilting his head slightly as he let out a slow breath. "Yeah. Um...why did you move here? It's not exactly the most um...exciting of places." 

Anthony sighed, looking down at the table and taking a deep breath. "Well, um. My mate died a few years ago, and I had to stay where I was to finish my masters. I took a year off after that, but I decided that I couldn't...I couldn't stay there, so I applied for a few PhD programs in other places, and I got into one at the uni here. It seemed like a good opportunity to get away from things. So uh...yeah," he mumbled, trailing off and looking back up at Azra, who was struggling to find the right words. 

"I'm...I'm sorry to hear that," he said at last, hoping his voice sounded as genuine as he felt. "Losing people is um...is hard," he added, not sure what else to say, but feeling as if he had to fill the silence. 

Anthony just smiled sadly and nodded, his gaze drifting slightly, becoming distant for a moment or two before fixing back on Azra. "May I ask why Emily's father isn't in the picture anymore?" 

Azra winced, his body tensing slightly. He'd expected the question, he'd known that Anthony would ask eventually. It wasn't usual for omegas to be single parents, and Anthony had said he wanted to get to know him, but he hadn't expected it quite so soon. 

"Um...he...he left when he found out I was pregnant," Azra said quietly, looking down at the table and feeling his cheeks start to heat in shame. "I called him while I was at work and I came home to an empty house." 

Anthony stared, his mouth falling open, shock painted all over his expression. "What?" 

Azra sighed, looking up briefly, then away. "Yeah...he um. He didn't want a baby," he mumbled, and Anthony leaned over the table, gently taking one of Azra's hands. 

"I'm really sorry to hear that, Azra. No one should be treated like that," he said sincerely, and Azra gritted his teeth, feeling his nose start to sting. 

"I-It's fine," he forced out, not meeting that worried golden gaze. "He um...he wasn't very nice, it was for the best." 

Anthony froze for a moment, then looked down, his eyes fixed on Azra's arms, where his scars were just peeking out from his sleeves. His heart suddenly hammering in his chest, Azra jerked his hand from Anthony's, hiding his arms under the table as his cheeks burned and the tears welled up. 

"Crap, I'm sorry, I'm sorry," Anthony said quickly, frantic worry written all over his face as he leaned back, giving Azra some space. "I didn't mean-" 

"It's fine," Azra answered firmly, keeping his gaze fixed on the table so he didn't have to look at Anthony while he blinked the tears away hurriedly. 

"It's not, but I am sorry," Anthony said more calmly, taking a deep breath. "I...I think you're incredibly strong. I miss my partner so much, I can't imagine raising a kid on my own as well." 

"I don't miss him anymore," Azra muttered, and Anthony winced, burying his face in his hands. 

"Fuck, I really keep putting my foot in it, don't I?" 

Azra flinched slightly at the swear word, but managed to relax, taking slow breaths. "I know what you meant, it's okay. I just...I'm not...I'm not feeling great." 

Anthony sighed, dropping his hands back to the table and giving Azra an apologetic look. "I'm sorry. Look, I...I don't want to pry, at all. I didn't mean to push so much, and you don't have to tell me anything else, okay?" 

Azra nodded slightly and Anthony leaned forward again, offering Azra his hand. 

"I'm not...I'm not disturbed by your scars, or anything like that," he said softly, and Azra looked away, swallowing the lump that was suddenly forming in his throat. "I understand being embarrassed about it, but...but you don't have to be. I'm not judging you, I promise. I have one or two of my own, and they're not so dissimilar." 

Azra sighed and sat back, hiding his face in his hands for a few moments while he tried to calm down, feeling overwhelmed and shaky, his fingers trembling against his skin. Then he took one last breath and reached out, taking Anthony's hand lightly, resting his other hand beside it. He lifted his gaze last, looking up at Anthony and his worried, kind expression. 

"I-I'm sorry, I-" 

"Don't apologise," Anthony soothed immediately, taking Azra's other hand lightly and squeezing his fingers ever so gently. "I promise there's nothing to apologise for." 

Azra managed a tiny smile, feeling himself blush again as Anthony's thumbs rubbed over his knuckles. "I'm just a bit...a bit scared," he admitted softly, and Anthony nodded, his smile sympathetic. 

"I understand. Next time I get close to your boundaries, you tell me, okay? You don't have to answer my questions, or anything. You don't have to do anything you don't want to."

Azra smiled a little wider, gently pulling his hands from Anthony's and folding them in his lap instead. "Thank you. I don't think I hear that often enough." 

"I don't think most omegas do," Anthony sighed, shaking his head slightly. "Anyway, I really mean it, you know. I admire you a lot. It's not easy being by yourself and raising a kid, and you've done such a wonderful job with her." 

Azra blushed again, but this time he was smiling softly, starting to relax again at last. "Thank you," he said quietly, and Anthony just nodded, leaning back when a waiter arrived with their food. 

Anthony had ordered fish and chips, and Azra tried not to look too jealous, thanking the waiter politely as he walked off. 

"This smells great, I think you chose a good place to come," Anthony commented with a smile, and Azra looked down, still blushing. 

"Good," he said simply, trying to remember if he'd had breakfast that morning as he stared down at the rather small meal in front of him. He didn't think he had, but his memory was always rather blurry when it came to food. 

It wasn't that he didn't like eating, not by a long way. It was just that he'd spent so many years having his meals closely monitored and controlled, so many years being told what he could eat and when, and that if he wasn't told to eat, then he wasn't allowed to, that he simply forgot. 

He sighed to himself and picked up his knife and fork, glancing at Anthony nervously, making sure he'd started on his meal before Azra himself began to eat. 

Although Azra had worried plenty about this lunch, worrying about what they'd talk about, whether he'd do anything stupid, he hadn't thought about the simple fact that he'd have to be eating. He hadn't realised quite how hard it would be to eat in the company of an alpha again. Every time Anthony stopped to take a drink, Azra put his fork down hurriedly, waiting patiently until Anthony started again. It was a habit he couldn't quite shake, and after a while, Anthony stopped, glancing at Azra worriedly. 

"Is everything alright?" He asked softly, and Azra winced, wishing he would have just ignored it. 

"Yeah," he mumbled, and Anthony sighed, but didn't push him, instead returning to his meal. 

The next time Anthony stopped, Azra tried to resist the urge to set his cutlery down, but memories flooded his mind and his wrist ached suddenly, reminding him of what had happened last time he'd kept eating. 

He set his fork down carefully, feeling rather too close to crying for comfort. And then Anthony reached over, sliding one of his chips onto Azra's plate, and he stared for a moment in utter shock. This wasn't something he would ever have been allowed to eat before, much less offered off of his alpha's plate. He looked up sharply, but Anthony had already gone back to eating, apparently oblivious to Azra's emotional state. Azra wiped his rising tears away hurriedly, then picked the chip up carefully and ate it, waiting for Anthony to look up and start swearing. But instead, he kept eating, still apparently completely focused on his food, until Azra turned back to his own plate. At which point another chip magically appeared, and Azra's grip on his cutlery tightened, his knuckles going white at the sheer giddy realisation that Anthony really didn't care. 

Finally he could relax, eating slowly, but without stopping again, noticing the way Anthony smiled to himself, not exactly triumphant, but certainly pleased. 

Once their plates were empty, Anthony leaned on the table again, smiling at his companion brightly. "How was it?" 

"Good," Azra answered sincerely, then let out a soft breath, looking down at his plate. "You know...you were saying about me being a single parent earlier," he said slowly, feeling rather than seeing Anthony's gaze on him. "And it's hard, you know? Sometimes I really do wish I had a partner, just to...to be there. Emily's lovely, I wouldn't trade her for the world, but it can be stressful...and I've always wondered what it would be like with a partner to help. But dating...that's such a terrifying idea." 

Anthony leaned on the table, smiling as he rested his cheek against his hand. "Yeah, I miss my partner a lot, and although I never want to try to replace him, I know what you mean. I miss having someone there to tell when something goes well for me or to come home to when I've had a bad day. I've not felt ready to get out there again for so long...I've just recently started to feel as if I might be ready to start looking again," he said slowly, golden gaze fixed unwaveringly on Azra's. "Can I ask you something?" 

Azra simply nodded, keeping his hands folded in his lap as he glanced towards the window. 

"You don't have to answer, obviously," Anthony added quickly, then plunged on like a man trying to jump the Thames on foot. "But um...are you.." he trailed off uncertainly, then cleared his throat and continued rather awkwardly. "I know that male omegas can't usually carry children without treatments, but you said you were pregnant..?" He finally finished, ending the statement like a question. 

Azra winced, nodding again and looking away as he blushed for the hundredth time that afternoon. "Yeah, I'm transgender," he said quietly, and Anthony nodded, flashing him a smile. 

"I thought that might be it, but I...I didn't want to ask outright," he admitted, and Azra smiled back shyly, rather encouraged by Anthony's casual reaction. 

"I started my transition shortly after Emily was born, that's part of why I moved here," Azra added, his smile growing a little wider. "I suppose that makes Emily a little miracle." 

Anthony chuckled and shook his head slightly. "I think she's a miracle anyway, doesn't matter what her father's assigned gender was." 

Azra grinned, his pride in his daughter making his whole body feel warm. "Thank you," he said simply, and Anthony shrugged. 

"It's true. I've met a lot of kids over the years, and she's one of the sweetest." 

"Now you're just making this up to make me feel good," Azra chuckled, and felt those final dregs of fear and discomfort slide away, chased off by Anthony's bright smile and his sincere compliments. 

"Nah," Anthony answered simply, leaning back in his chair and sliding down slightly, all gangly arms and legs. "God, I'm tired." 

"Why's that?" Azra asked politely, and Anthony picked his sunglasses up off the table, cleaning the lenses on his shirt. 

"I was up quite late last night to finish an assignment," he smiled, giving a small shrug. "It was my fault really." 

"What are you studying again? I'm sure you told me, but I must have forgotten." 

"I don't think I did tell you," Anthony smiled, his expression brightening as he started to explain. Azra didn't understand half of it, but he listened attentively, enjoying the completely engrossed, happy way that Anthony talked about his studies. He could tell he really liked his topic, and it was lovely to see someone so passionate and focused. In fact, Azra couldn't help but think how handsome Anthony looked as he spoke, that light of intense interest in his eyes, a bright smile on his face, gesturing with his hands. Azra had to admit that he was drawn to him, into those pale brown eyes, whether he liked it or not. 

By the time they paid separately and left the pub, it had started to rain, so they stood in the doorway together for a moment, watching it pour down outside, hammering onto the pavement. 

"Hug?" Anthony suggested, and Azra nodded, melting into that tight embrace immediately. He'd forgotten just how good it felt, his face pressed against the front of the alpha's shoulder, those long fingers spread on his back. It was over far too soon, and they said rushed, awkward goodbyes before running to their cars. 

* * *

"Daddy!" 

Azra groaned as Emily cannoned into his legs, squealing happily. He struggled out of his wet coat and hung it up just as Anathema walked into the hallway, chuckling at the tableau. 

"She's got you well and truly hobbled," she commented as Azra tried to pry his daughter off his legs long enough to take his shoes off. 

"Daddy!" 

"Yes, love, I'm here," he laughed, stroking her hair and kissing her forehead as he crouched down awkwardly. "Come on, let me take my shoes off." 

"Can I watch a movie?" Emily asked, letting go at last and bouncing around Azra while he undid his laces and slipped his shoes off. 

"Yes, if you've done your chores," he answered, straightening up again and scooping her off the floor, holding her against his chest as she grinned at him proudly. 

"Did them while you were out," Emily announced with a touch of smugness, and Azra shot Anathema a questioning look. 

"All done," she confirmed, smiling as he walked towards her, still carrying his daughter. "She dusted the whole downstairs and cleaned her room." 

"Good, then you get to pick a movie, Em. Go have a look," Azra hummed, setting Emily down and watching her run off as Anathema smiled at him. 

"How was it?" She asked quietly, her head tilted to the side. "You look...I'm not really sure. Upset? Tired?" 

Azra rolled his eyes and heaved a sigh. "I think the word you're looking for is confused. It was...it wasn't bad. But it was tiring. He um...he asked me about Gabriel quite a bit, and I think he suspects...he suspects that Gabriel and my scars are linked," he said softly. "And I may have had a bit of a panic attack. Not a bad one, and he apologised. But um...yeah. He's also fine with me being trans, as far as I can tell. He didn't really react." 

Azra glanced toward the living room, but he could still hear Emily rummaging in the DVD cabinet, so he relaxed slightly. "Apparently he had a mate before, and he died a few years ago. We were talking about me being a single parent and how I sometimes feel like I have something missing in my life, but I find dating terrifying. And he said that he hadn't felt ready to date again until recently, I think he's been pretty torn up about losing his mate for a long time." 

Anathema stared at him for a moment, then rolled her eyes. "You're telling me you missed the biggest hint I've ever heard of anyone dropping?" She asked incredulously, and Azra frowned, genuinely confused. 

"What hint?" 

Anathema laughed and shook her head, folding her arms over her chest as she leaned against the wall. "Until recently? He's talking about you, dumbass. He's saying he hasn't felt ready until he met you and you turned his head. He's practically begging you to date him!" 

Azra blinked, shock and a short, sharp bite of fear making him take half a step back. "I...I don't...I don't know.."

Anathema smiled sympathetically, stepping forward and pulling him into a tight, soothing hug, her fingers curling in his messy blond hair. "Shh, don't get panicky, it's alright. Just because he wants you doesn't mean you have to do anything different. You need to take this at your pace, and your pace is bound to be slower than his." 

Azra sighed and hugged back tightly, then carefully broke away, smiling up at his friend sadly. "I know. And he...I really do like him. He's so...so kind and considerate and his smile.." Azra trailed off, huffing a short breath. "I just wish I could be normal." 

"I know," Anathema murmured, stroking his hair gently and patting his cheek. "But one day you'll carve out your own normal. And it may or may not have space for Anthony, and that's okay. The most important thing is that you're being brave and taking steps forward, and I'm very proud of you. As your unofficial big sister." 

Azra chuckled, kissing her cheek lightly. "By two months, don't get carried away." 

Anathema laughed and rolled her eyes, gently shoving his shoulder. "Still older. Now come on, let's go watch this movie with Em." 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, hope you enjoyed their first date! Let me know what you thought <3


	5. Chapter Five

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter contains: discussions of death/grief (cancer), eating disorders.

After the lunch date on Saturday, Anthony went home rather thoughtful. He parked his beloved Bentley in his driveway, wandering into his house dreamily, with no regard for the rain soaking his hair and streaming over his thin coat. He kicked his shoes off once inside, hanging his coat absentmindedly before making his way into his bedroom. He stripped out of his wet clothes, then just sat on the edge of the bed in his underwear, staring at the floor. 

His heart was still beating a little faster from that hug, those breathtaking, fleeting little smiles he'd coaxed from Azra. Every time Anthony had looked at him, he'd felt that little flutter, the stirring in his chest that he hadn't felt since Ben had died. It was as if the butterflies that had lived in his chest had been squashed, dying as his mate had taken his last breath, cradled in his arms. But Azra had breathed new life into them, resurrected them from the dead and brought them back to stir inside him once again. 

Anthony took his phone out of his pocket and opened his photos, tapping on the first picture of Ben he found, happy and smiling at his twentieth birthday party. He stared down at it, his hands shaking, until tears blurred his vision, and he sighed, tossing the phone aside to drag his hands down his face. 

"Fuck," he mumbled to himself, trying to banish all those intense feelings, rising up to choke him. That desire, so bright and pressing, pounding at the back of his mind with each thought of Azra, and that grief, twisting his heart, making him feel guilty over nothing, making him wish that he'd never had to let go. 

His fingers slid into his hair, curling, pulling lightly, and he groaned, the tears leaking from under his eyelashes and spilling, rolling down his cheeks. 

Despite everything, Anthony knew he was ready. The thought of being with someone new excited him, the thought of taking all that love he was wasting and giving it to someone else to cherish. And he knew, with every fiber of his being, that Ben would have wanted him to move on. He'd told him so enough times, gently reminding Anthony that he had to let go and find someone. He'd smiled in that soft, knowing way of his and told Anthony so very gently  _ you'll never be happy without someone to love. I know you, Anthony. You need someone to take care of, to fetch hot water bottles for and to cuddle and soothe, to kiss them when they're crying and hold them when they're scared. That's just who you are.  _

Anthony gave in, dropping his hands and just staring at the floor, letting the tears come as Ben's voice echoed in his ears. That had been only a week before he'd died. Anthony had laughed it off and told him he'd pull through, just like he always did, but Ben had known, and he'd been ready to let go. That had made Anthony angry for a while, but he understood it now, he understood how one person could only go through so much fighting before they had to give in. Sometimes it was just time to stop swimming against the current and let the water drag you under. 

Anthony cried for a little while longer, silent and cathartic, letting his grief wash over him, basking in it. He'd learned to make friends with this pain, and he'd realised that sometimes he just had to sit with it for a while. But he kept telling himself over and over that he deserved this. He deserved to be holding hands with a beautiful omega in a rather sad little pub in the middle of nowhere. He deserved to be seeking out a little slice of happiness, he deserved to letting Ben rest in the past. 

Once Anthony had dried his tears, he got up stiffly, walking over to the mirror and inspecting the faded mating marks on his hips. They were still quite dark, and he ran his fingertips over them briefly, then sighed softly, dropping his hands back to his sides. Then a thought popped up, gently reminding him of Azra's scars, those marks all over his skin, some pale, some dark. He sighed deeply, looking down at his own tattooed arms and shaking his head slightly. 

Anthony wanted more than anything to wrap Azra up in his arms in bed and just talk to him softly, tell him how much affection and love and gentle care he deserved. He wanted to tell Azra over and over that he was safe, that he wouldn't let anyone lay another finger on him, he wouldn't allow any more scars to be added to that beautiful, soft skin. But he couldn't. 

It was as if Azra was some wild animal, poised to take flight if Anthony got too close, if he pushed too hard. If he tried to take too much. 

Anthony turned away from the mirror to get dressed in dry clothes, then sat down at his desk to work. He did his best to concentrate, but it was so difficult, with the feel of Azra's touch still lingering on his skin. 

* * *

On Friday, Azra was at his therapy session, so Anthony went over to the house to babysit and took the spare key from under the mat, letting himself in. He breathed deep, drawing that enticing scent in, laced with vanilla and lavender and home cooking. His heart beat a little faster in his chest, and he smiled to himself, shutting the door behind him with a soft click. 

By the time Emily got out of school, Anthony was waiting in the car park, leaning back against the Bentley with his arms folded over his chest, sunglasses hiding his eyes. But he smiled as soon as he saw the little girl, suddenly looking rather less imposing as he crouched down, catching her in his arms when she ran into him, squealing his name. 

A little pang of sadness washed over him, but he pushed it aside, scooping the little girl up and carrying her around to the backseat. He strapped her into the carseat Azra had left on the kitchen table, kissing her cheek as she grabbed at his sunglasses, giggling softly. 

"You little monkey," he grinned, taking his glasses back from her carefully and tickling her neck, making her squeal and slap at his hand lightly. 

"Stop!" Emily giggled, and he growled, grabbing at her nose gently. 

"Got your nose!" 

Emily grinned, shaking her head. "No you haven't. I know that trick, Daddy does that one." 

Anthony chuckled and stroked her hair back behind her ears, his fingertips brushing over her cool cheek. "He does, does he? I'll have to come up with something new, then. Watch your hands," he added as he closed the door before getting in behind the wheel and starting his car. "What do you wanna do today, little one?" He asked as he pulled out of the parking lot, glancing at her in the rearview mirror. 

Emily's little face screwed up in thought for a few seconds before she smiled. "Play doh, Daddy doesn't let me play with it unless he's not tired." 

Anthony smiled to himself, adjusting his glasses carefully and glancing at her again. "Is that because you make a mess?" 

"Yes," she answered simply, gazing out of the window as he drove. "Big mess." 

Anthony rolled his eyes, but internally he was wondering how often Azra was too tired to play with his daughter. He seemed as if he worked long hours, and Anthony didn't think he'd ever seen the man looking well-rested; the dark circles under his eyes were apparently a permanent feature. 

He sighed to himself and tried to push the thoughts aside as he parked the car, helping Emily out of the seat and watching her run into the house. He followed more sedately and began to clean the kitchen table, humming to himself quietly. 

* * *

When Anthony heard the jingle of keys in the lock, he looked up, wincing. He'd meant to have the mess cleaned up before Azra got home, but he'd lost track of time, and Emily was still singing to herself softly while she squished dough in her hands. 

He heard the door open and the shuffle of feet before Azra came into view, still in his work uniform and looking absolutely exhausted. He stopped dead when he saw the mess, and Anthony shot him a guilty look. 

"I'll clean up, don't worry," he said quickly, just as Emily launched herself out of her chair and ran up to Azra, hugging him tightly. He sighed, flashing Anthony a weak smile, and stroking his daughter's hair lightly. 

"Hey baby, it's almost bedtime," he pointed out gently, ignoring her muffled protests. "Help Anthony tidy, go on." 

Emily whined, but Azra gently peeled her off him, crouching down to kiss her forehead. "Go on, help him, okay? I'm very tired," he said softly, and she nodded, bouncing back over to Anthony. 

"I'm going to go change," Azra announced, turning away before Anthony could say anything and disappearing down the hall. Anthony sighed, the guilt growing, but didn't say anything to him, instead helping Emily start to pack up. 

They managed to get most of it cleaned by the time Azra wandered back downstairs, clad in loose sweatpants and a plain t-shirt, his arms on full display. He walked over to Emily without really looking at Anthony, stroking her hair lightly. 

"Come on, baby. Time for bed," he murmured, ignoring her pouting. "Say goodnight to Anthony." 

"Goodnight," Emily said, rather grumpily, and tramped off upstairs, followed closely by Azra. 

Anthony finished cleaning up, wiping down the table and packing everything away where he'd found it, before sitting down on the sofa to wait patiently. 

After about twenty minutes, Azra wandered back downstairs, looking even more tired than he had when he'd arrived home. He sat down next to Anthony heavily, then leaned his elbows on his legs, his head in his hands. 

"I'm sorry," Anthony began awkwardly, biting his lip. "I meant to have it cleaned up, I'm sorry if it stressed you out, I lost track of time, and-" 

"It's fine," Azra mumbled, dropping his hands from his face and just staring at the floor blankly. "She had a good time." 

"Yeah, she did," Anthony answered softly, reaching out tentatively and resting a hand on Azra's back. He flinched, but didn't try to brush the hand away, so Anthony kept it there, his thumb running back and forth slowly. "Are you...are you alright, Azra?" He asked after a moment or two, and the omega sighed, pressing the heels of his hands against his eyes. 

"Not really. I had a hard session today after a long shift of getting yelled at by old women," he muttered, and Anthony shifted a little closer to him, feeling like a naturalist trying not to spook a rare species of butterfly. 

"I'm sorry to hear that," he murmured, running his hand a little further along Azra's back, their legs almost touching. "Do you want to talk about anything? I'm here for you," he offered, still careful, but hopeful. 

"Not really, I don't think you can really help," Azra sighed, dropping his hands again and sitting back. "It's just...I always leave therapy feeling really drained, and it's just especially bad today. I'll be okay." 

"I'm sure you will," Anthony replied firmly, reaching out and offering Azra his hand. "But that doesn't mean a little comfort won't help." 

Azra took his hand carefully, letting Anthony squeeze his fingers. 

"I know, but sometimes that's hard to accept." 

"From alphas particularly?" Anthony nudged, testing the waters. 

"Yeah," Azra nodded, looking down and holding Anthony's hand just a little tighter. "Especially strong ones. Like you." 

"I wouldn't really say-" 

"I meant your scent," Azra interrupted softly, his cheeks flushing as Anthony went quiet. "Sorry for interrupting." 

"No need to apologise," Anthony answered immediately, and Azra smiled ever so slightly, his cheeks colouring. "Can I ask you something?" 

"Depends what it is," Azra hummed, his smile widening slightly. Anthony rested his other hand on Azra's forearm, not stroking his skin, but just holding there. He noticed the way the omega twitched, and spoke quietly, his voice gentle. 

"How did you get these?" 

Azra went still, even his chest ceasing to rise and fall as he just stared unseeing at the floor. Anthony winced, squeezing his hand quickly. 

"You don't have to answer," he said hurriedly, but Azra was already starting to tremble, gently pulling his arm away from Anthony. 

"I'm sorry, I can...I can go," Anthony mumbled, feeling guilty and a little sick, hating the distant, pained expression on Azra's face. 

Azra seemed to snap out of a trance, shaking his head slightly. "It's okay," he said in a very soft voice, only just above a whisper. "They're all from...from Emily's father," he offered up at last, and Anthony felt a bolt of shock and hatred ripple through him. He'd suspected, but hearing it from Azra himself was heartbreaking. "He was my first and only partner," Azra added quietly, looking up at Anthony with agonised, shining eyes. "That's why I can't...why I'm so scared." 

Anthony sighed softly, reaching out and ignoring the flinch before his hand settled in Azra's fluffy hair. "I'm so sorry," he murmured, his voice thick with tears. "I wouldn't...I wouldn't ever," he said quickly, but trailed off, going silent as Azra leaned into him slightly. Anthony immediately hugged him loosely, his heart sinking even further as Azra began to cry ever so softly, his hand going to Anthony's chest, where his fingers tangled in the alpha's shirt. 

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry," Anthony repeated shakily, one hand cradling the back of Azra's head as he buried his face in the front of Anthony's shoulder. "I'm so sorry, sweetheart. But you're safe now, it's okay. It's okay," he mumbled, the tears welling up as he gripped Azra a little tighter, trying not to imagine the pain he must have gone through to get so many scars. And he couldn't fathom how damaged he was inside. His one and only partner had taken him and snapped him in two, it was no wonder he couldn't trust alphas. 

Anthony gave a sigh and rested his cheek against the top of Azra's head, starting to rock him ever so slightly as his little sobs became even softer. "It's alright, sweetheart. It's alright. I'm here, I won't let anyone hurt you. I won't," he murmured over and over, and Azra relaxed into his chest even more, pressing the entirety of his plump body to Anthony's. His fingers curled in the back of the alpha's shirt, tugging lightly, and Anthony just held him tighter, still murmuring to him and rocking him slowly. 

After a while, Azra gently began to pull away, muttering endless apologies as he tried to dry his eyes with shaking hands. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have…I...I'm sorry," he mumbled, and Anthony felt the lump in his throat grow even larger as he stroked those soft curls again, marvelling at their beautiful spun-gold colour. 

"Don't be, Azra, it's alright. I'm your friend, I'm here to comfort you, and I shouldn't really have asked, it was too intrusive," he admitted, and those washed out, tired blue eyes fixed on his. 

"It was a bit," Azra murmured, cracking a tiny smile. "Does that mean I get one?" 

Anthony chuckled, letting his hand slide from Azra's hair and onto his warm cheek, cradling it for a moment while he tried not to think about those soft, inviting lips. "Yes, if you like." 

Azra's hand closed around Anthony's wrist as he moved a little closer, his smile fading. 

"How did your partner die?" 

Anthony swallowed, blinking in the shock of the question, his hand starting to tremble ever so slightly against Azra's skin. "Cancer," he forced out, then took a deep breath, calming himself down enough to speak. "He'd had it since he was seventeen, we met when we were both eighteen. He fought it for six years, but it kept spreading and um...he couldn't keep fighting," Anthony sighed, his voice raw as he looked away from that sympathetic blue gaze, a slight, sad little smile playing at the corners of his lips. "I took him home for the last few days, and he died in bed with me, I held him so he wasn't scared." 

He looked up, tears blurring Azra's face as those soft, gentle hands cupped his cheeks, stroking carefully. 

"I'm sorry, so sorry," Azra murmured, his voice shaking as he wiped Anthony's tears, catching them when they fell. "I...I'm sorry. You must miss him so much." 

"Every day," Anthony whispered, gently pulling Azra back into a tight, comforting hug - comforting for both of them. "But I'm okay, really. I'm okay," he mumbled, turning his face into Azra's hair, smiling at his warm scent. "I'm learning to let go." 

Azra nodded, but didn't say anything, just sitting there for a few moments before gently starting to pull away. Anthony sniffed, wiping his cheeks as Azra smiled at him sadly. 

"I'll get you some tissues," he said, and got up. Anthony watched it all as if in slow motion, the way Azra stumbled, then collapsed - into Anthony's arms. He wasn't quite sure how he'd managed to catch him, but he had, and he gently helped Azra sit back down again, stroking his hair back from his face hurriedly. 

"Hey," he murmured as those blue eyes fluttered open, looking rather dazed. "Hey, I think you fainted, Azra. Is everything alright?" 

"Mm. I feel a bit woozy," Azra mumbled, his brow wrinkling as he frowned childishly. 

"Have you eaten and drunk enough?" Anthony prompted immediately, and Azra swallowed thickly. 

"Uh...I can't remember. I don't think I've had anything today." 

Anthony frowned, crouching down in front of Azra and gently rubbing his knee. "Anything? You haven't eaten anything today?" He asked gently, and Azra shook his head slowly. 

"I don't think so. I...I don't really remember, I always forget." 

"Forget what you eat or forget to eat?" Anthony pressed, taking Azra's hands in his lightly as worry rushed through him, sharp and sour. 

"Both," Azra mumbled, not quite looking at him. "I'll be okay." 

"Let me get you something, you need to raise your blood sugar," Anthony murmured, getting up and letting Azra's hands slip from his. 

"No, no, it's fine," Azra said quickly, standing up and swaying dangerously. "I'll do it."

"You should rest," Anthony soothed, gently pushing him back down onto the sofa by his shoulder before turning to walk into the kitchen. 

"I'm perfectly capable of getting you something to eat," he added in a louder voice, opening the fridge just as Azra stumbled into the kitchen, leaning against the wall as he slammed the fridge door shut. His eyes were wide with panic, his chest heaving as he breathed quick and shallow, so Anthony took a hurried step back, raising his hands. 

"You can't!" Azra gasped out, and Anthony could see the tears forming in his eyes, his hands starting to shake. 

He stepped back again, slowly this time, horrified at Azra's reaction. "It's alright," he said quietly, his heart breaking all over again as those tears welled up and spilled, running down Azra's cheeks as he trembled. "I'm sorry I've upset you," Anthony went on slowly, still holding his hands up in the universal gesture of peace. "What can I do to help?" 

"Leave," Azra answered promptly, his voice shaking as much as he was, his eyes swimming with yet more tears. Anthony winced, nodding slightly. 

"Alright, I'll give you space," he murmured, lowering his hands as he felt bitter disappointment flood through him. He'd really thought that they were connecting, getting to know one another, but just as soon as he thought he was getting through, he'd stepped on the wrong tile and the defenses had come up all over again. "You need to eat something, though," Anthony pressed gently, trying a sad smile. "Promise me?"

"Please just go," Azra muttered, his nostrils flaring, his fingers curling by his sides, his fists trembling. Anthony nodded again. 

"Right. Okay. Alright," he mumbled, loathe to leave Azra in such a state. "I'll see you soon," he added, then fled, tugging his shoes and coat on hurriedly and slipping out of the door. 

* * *

Anthony sat on his bed, staring at his phone screen. His heart thudded dully in his ears, his breathing slower and deeper than usual. He opened the text app and sighed, thumbs hovering over the keyboard. 

Then he nodded to himself slightly and began to type, tapping out a message and hitting send before he could second-guess himself. 

_ Anthony, 20:24  _

_ Hey, I just want to apologise again. I'm not entirely sure what I did that upset you so much, but I can tell I stepped over a boundary, and I'm very sorry. I hope you're okay, though. You worried me tonight x  _

Anthony sat for a little while longer, then got up abruptly and went back to trying to read, but was interrupted about fifteen minutes later by his ringtone. 

He snatched the phone up off his desk, answering it immediately. "Hello?" 

The voice that answered was soft and still a little tearful, but unmistakable. "Hey."

"Azra, I'm so sorry," Anthony began, but Azra cut in quietly before he could continue. 

"It's okay, Anthony, really. You didn't know and I overreacted because I'm exhausted. I should have just explained instead of asking you to leave." 

"It's not your fault, you were really shaken up," Anthony murmured, and Azra let out a soft sigh. 

"Yeah. Look, I um...I can't have food or drinks made by other people. I mean, restaurants are fine, but like…" he trailed off uncertainly, and Anthony winced, getting rather a clearer picture of what Azra meant than he wanted to. "If I don't know someone that well, or...or.." 

"Or they're an alpha," Anthony finished gently, and heard a sniff from the other end of the line. 

"Yeah," Azra mumbled, sounding slightly relieved. "Do you understand?" 

"Of course," Anthony said immediately, closing his eyes and tightening his jaw, rage filling him as he thought of what could have made Azra so scared. "No worries, okay? It's all alright." 

"Thank you," Azra sighed, and Anthony heard the smile in his voice. "Maybe we can meet up again this weekend...have some food cooked by a chef," he suggested softly, and Anthony chuckled. 

"Yeah, that sounds good," he admitted, breathing a heartfelt sigh of relief. "Sunday?" 

"Sure. I know a really good Italian if you fancy that," Azra answered, his voice even brighter now, almost normal, possibly even a touch excited.

"Let's do that, I could do with some pizza," Anthony smiled, trying to swallow the lump in his throat. He liked hearing Azra so happy, so excited about the thought of going out for a meal with him, and after such a rocky evening, he couldn't help but feel emotional about it. It was such a delicate friendship, so easily destroyed, and he couldn't imagine the sheer amount of terrifying trust Azra was having to place in him. The thought of it made him nervous, knowing he had so much sway over Azra's emotions, and knowing that he could so easily, completely by accident, scare him half to death. 

He took a deep breath and tried not to think about it, telling himself that he'd just have to be extra careful, he'd just have to be gentle and caring as he'd always been and show Azra there was nothing to be scared of. "I'll see you then." 

"Yeah. Goodnight, Anthony," Azra smiled, and Anthony felt his whole body warm from the inside out. 

"Goodnight," he replied tenderly, then hung up, setting his phone down carefully. After a moment of silent contemplation, he reached into his desk drawer and pulled out a sheet of pills, popping one into his hand. He took it with a gulp of water, then sighed softly and settled down to work. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you guys liked this first Anthony chapter! There will be more to come, I like switching POVs quite a lot, especially with this ship, it just seems to work really well.   
> In other news, I just wrote the first explicit part of this story, so you guys definitely have plenty to look forward to ;)   
> As always, let me know what you thought! <3<3


	6. Chapter Six

Azra was early again, just the way he liked, and the restaurant was fairly quiet. His phone buzzed on the table beside him and he picked it up, opening his messages to find a picture sent by Anathema of Emily in her painting apron, more paint smeared on her face and hands than on the canvas in front of her. He smiled to himself and saved it onto his phone, then looked up as a familiar scent caught his attention. 

Anthony smiled at him softly, pulling his sunglasses up onto his head and pinning his hair back as he sat down. "Hey," he said quietly, his gaze caring, yet intensely interested. "Are you feeling a bit better today?" 

Azra felt his cheeks flush, not used to questions like that from anyone other than Anathema. "Yeah, I remembered breakfast this morning," he answered with a shy smile, and Anthony nodded, taking his sunglasses off his head and folding them before setting them on the table carefully. 

"Good, I'm glad. I hope...I hope I didn't come across as nagging or anything," he added slowly, not quite meeting Azra's gaze. 

"No, it's fine," Azra said hurriedly, a sudden flash of worry flaring in his chest. "I um...I didn't think so. I know my eating habits are an issue, but I just...I'm working on it, in therapy. It's not intentional, most of the time." 

Anthony nodded again, looking back at Azra, his eyes broadcasting gentle concern. "I'm glad to hear it's not intentional. I um...I don't have a lot of experience with this kind of thing, so it's hard for me to know how to help, you know?" 

Azra melted a bit inside, knowing that Anthony wanted to help, wanted to learn how to help. "It's okay. Just encouraging me to eat is a big help," he said softly, and Anthony smiled, but it was a little weak, distracted. 

"I um...you don't have to answer this, I don't want to upset you. But...does it have something to do with Emily's father?" 

Azra swallowed, staring at Anthony for a moment, one hand unconsciously rubbing over his forearm, feeling the uneven skin through his thin shirt. "Yes," he choked out after several long seconds, and Anthony quickly reached across the table, offering his hand. 

"It's okay, you don't have to tell me anything else, I just...I wanted a better idea so I could help," he assured Azra hurriedly, and he relaxed slightly, still feeling a bit tense as he took Anthony's hand carefully. 

Azra opened his mouth to say something, but the waiter interrupted, coming over to ask for their drinks order. They both asked for water, and the waiter hurried off, leaving Azra feeling a bit lost and uncomfortable. 

"How's Emily?" Anthony asked suddenly, and Azra looked up from the table, acutely aware of the warmth of Anthony's fingers against his as soon as he glanced at their hands. 

"Um. Good, as always," he answered, his tone a bit distant as he tried not to think about pulling his hand away, tried to force himself to keep it where it was. "She's doing some painting today with Anathema." 

Anthony's fingers closed slightly, squeezing Azra's hand, and the movement was enough to settle Azra, the burning heat fading. "That sounds messy," he chuckled, and Azra nodded, flashing a smile. 

"Luckily we have washable paints." 

Anthony smiled his bright smile and tilted his head slightly, his hair brushing against his neck. "I love that you let her get messy, though. I see too many parents who get upset the second their kid makes a mess, and it's so good for them to play with messy things." 

Azra returned the smile, his chest warming with pride, the way it always did when Anthony complimented his parenting or his daughter. "Yeah, I get stressed about it sometimes, but I do my best to give her free rein when I'm not too tired." 

Anthony nodded as the waiter came back, setting their glasses down. They both thanked him and Azra smiled a little sheepishly, picking up his menu. 

"I guess we should probably figure out what we want," he pointed out, and Anthony chuckled, gently letting go of Azra's hand. 

"I suppose we should." 

As Anthony's attention turned to the menu, Azra couldn't help but keep staring at him, taking in those beautiful light eyes, that perfectly wavy hair. He even found his gaze drifting to the man's lips, his thoughts wandering off into uncharted territory. 

He snapped himself out of it fairly quickly, however, turning his gaze to the menu instead. A few minutes later, the waiter came back, and Azra ordered a pasta dish, while Anthony asked for a pizza. They both handed their menus over and then the waiter was gone, leaving them looking at one another for a moment or two. 

Then Anthony leaned his elbow on the table, his chin in his hand as a small smile played at his lips. "You seem quiet." 

Azra blinked, then shrugged. "Quieter than usual?"

"Not really," Anthony admitted, his smile widening slightly. "Anything on your mind?" 

"I've actually been thinking about going back to school," Azra said quietly, then wondered why he had. He wasn't used to talking about himself, but something about Anthony's calm, but intense gaze was drawing him out of his shell. 

"Yeah? To do what?" Anthony hummed, that smile still not fading. 

"Well, I um…" Azra trailed off, looking down at the table as a wave of uncertainty washed over him. "I actually have a pre-med undergrad, I was thinking of continuing. But um...it's expensive, and I don't think I could do it with Emily to worry about as well," he said softly, his cheeks flushing as he suddenly wished he hadn't brought it up, feeling as if it made him sound weak. 

"That's definitely tough," Anthony murmured, leaning forward a little more. "But it's really cool that you have that ambition, that drive." 

Azra's worry dropped away as he smiled, looking down at the table briefly. "Thank you. Maybe when Emily's older, more independent. I'm saving money just in case, anyway. Here and there, you know?" 

"Yeah, that's definitely a start," Anthony answered, offering his hand again. Azra took it without hesitation, watching as Anthony played with his fingers gently. Then he looked up into that thoughtful golden gaze, and found himself smiling again. "What field would you want to be in if you finished medical school?" 

Azra bit his lip lightly, then gave a small shrug. "I wouldn't mind being an ob-gyn or maybe pediatrics. Babies and children," he chuckled, just as he felt a twinge of pain in his stomach, like someone had pinched one of his organs. He winced, but brushed it aside, reminding himself that he was on heat suppressants and forcing himself to remember taking his pill that morning. 

"That's cool, you'd definitely be good with the kids," Anthony smiled, apparently not noticing Azra's sudden, but short-lived discomfort. They were both distracted by the food arriving, and Anthony tucked in quite quickly, while Azra poked at the top of his dish. He was starting to feel nauseous, his hands shaking, so he put his fork down hurriedly, just as Anthony noticed. 

"Are you alright?" He asked softly, setting down the slice of pizza he'd been holding. Azra groaned softly and ran a hand over his stomach slowly. 

"I don't...don't feel good," he mumbled, and Anthony nodded, immediately catching the attention of a passing waiter and asking for two boxes and the bill. Then he leaned across the table, his eyes worried and gentle. 

"What kind of not good?" 

"Sick," Azra mumbled, closing his eyes as he tried to concentrate on breathing through the nausea. Anthony's scent wasn't helping, seeming suddenly stronger, washing over him repeatedly as he clutched at his stomach. Pain broke again, this time aching and dull, and he whimpered, ducking his head slightly. He could hear Anthony talking to the waiter, but he didn't open his eyes, the nausea starting to fade as the pain increased and a new sensation started. 

Azra's body felt warm, tingling all over, rushing. His clothes began to feel too tight, clinging to him, and a groan slipped from his lips as the first wave of arousal broke over him. He felt a hand on his shoulder, opening his eyes to see Anthony's worried face, his hands moving to Azra's cheeks. Azra's heart was beating fast in his chest, his eyes wide with fear. His thoughts were starting to become distorted, but he still knew what was happening, and what was likely to be the result, and he was shaking. 

"Oh, Azra," Anthony mumbled sympathetically and stroked Azra's hair back from his face, those hands so careful, so gentle. "Come on, stand up. Let's get you home." 

Azra did his best, but the combination of pain and physical desire made his knees weak, and he stumbled as Anthony wrapped an arm around his waist. His mind foggy and overcome, Azra turned his face into Anthony's shoulder, his mouth falling open as that delicious scent poured through him, making everything ten times worse. 

"Alpha," he mumbled, unable to stop himself, and felt Anthony's grip on him tighten slightly. 

"Shh, it's alright," he soothed, helping the unsteady Azra to the door, through the corridor of stares as the other diners noticed Azra's state. 

They managed to step through the door without incident, and Azra wriggled away slightly, managing to walk mostly on his own, Anthony's hand wrapped around his upper arm. 

An alpha that had been smoking outside suddenly loomed next to them, drawn in by Azra's scent, and Azra flinched into Anthony, away from the unfamiliar man. Anthony didn't swear or shout, but simply shoved the alpha away, leading Azra across the car park just a little faster. Azra stumbled and Anthony caught him, glancing behind them nervously as he fumbled with his car keys. 

Azra fell against the back of Anthony's Bentley, his chest heaving, his knees weak. Everything hurt, especially his head, and he hated all the thoughts going through his mind, telling him to grab at Anthony, beg for him. 

The idea of getting in his car was too much, and Azra tried to twist away, almost going to his knees as Anthony caught him again, one arm around his chest. 

"Shh, where are you going?" He asked softly, and Azra whimpered, the tears welling up, embarrassment and fear stirring up the nausea once again. 

"I can...I wanna drive." 

"No, no, no," Anthony soothed, gently pulling him back, guiding him towards the car again. "You can't drive in this state, sweetheart," he murmured, opening the door for Azra and ignoring the way he flinched away. "Come on, let me get you home. You need to be resting with a hot water bottle. I'll help you get your car tomorrow." 

Azra's nostrils flared, tears spilling down his cheeks so suddenly that he couldn't even try to stop them. He shook his head slightly, but Anthony was already gently pushing him down into the car, shushing him with tender caring in his voice.

"I'll take care of you, Azra, don't worry. I won't hurt you," he promised, reaching into the car to brush Azra's tears off his cheeks before closing the door and hurrying around to the driver's side. He got in behind the wheel and Azra twitched away from him, pressing himself against the car door as Anthony started the engine, apparently oblivious. 

They drove in silence, every bump making Azra whimper as it sent a wave of pain and arousal through him, his body shuddering. As soon as they were parked in Azra's driveway, he was fumbling with the door handle, trembling and crying softly, his shaking fingers unable to obey. The door opened and he nearly fell out at Anthony's feet, feeling hands on him, gently helping him out. 

"Shh, sweetheart. It's alright," Anthony soothed, supporting Azra as he staggered up the steps, hating the fact that he had to rely on an alpha to help. Hating the fact that he had to let him into his house while he was in such a state. 

Anthony helped him unlock the door, then led him inside and straight to the stairs. Azra groaned softly, but managed to haul himself all the way up, trembling and shaking.

"That's it, Azra. You're alright," Anthony murmured, no longer touching Azra, but just walking beside him, poised to steady him if he stumbled. Azra slipped into his bedroom, shivering as he made his way over to the bed and climbed in gratefully, sinking into the mattress with a heavy sigh. 

To Azra's horror, Anthony followed, walking over to sit on the edge of the bed, his hand on Azra's chest. 

"I'll get you a hot water bottle, alright? Anything else you need?" 

Azra shook his head, desperately wanting to ask Anthony to leave, but feeling far too awful to refuse the offer of comfort. Anthony stood up, flashing him a worried smile and scooping his phone up off the bedside table. Azra gasped, making a grab for it, but Anthony's eyes widened, his expression suddenly apologetic. 

"Sorry, sorry, I didn't mean to scare you," he said quickly, sitting down again and handing Azra his phone. "Can you unlock it? I'll call Anathema for you and tell her what's happening. She has Emily at her house, right?" 

Azra nodded uncertainly, but unlocked his phone and handed it over, watching as Anthony tapped on a contact and held the phone to his ear. His hand went to Azra's shoulder absentmindedly, rubbing slowly as Azra watched him, starting to become resigned to his fate. He figured it was just a matter of time before Anthony was overcome, so there was no point in being scared anymore. At least his body would be prepared, even if he wasn't. 

"Hi, this is Anthony. Yeah, he's okay, well...I think he's had an issue with his heat suppressants, he's gone into a mini-heat….yeah. I've brought him home and I'm going to make him comfortable…..no, of course not," he said calmly, still stroking slow circles into Azra's shoulders. "He's safe with me, I assure you. But he's in quite a bit of pain." 

There was a long pause, and then Anthony spoke again, glancing at Azra, who was watching him numbly. 

"I think that's a good plan. I'll see you soon," he murmured, hanging up and then leaning over Azra, stroking his cheek slowly. Azra tensed, but just closed his eyes, waiting to feel himself being pinned down. 

"Anathema is bringing Emily back here so she can keep an eye on you," Anthony announced softly, his hand opening against Azra's skin, his thumb running over one padded cheekbone. "I'll go get that bottle for you, yeah?" 

Azra nodded ever so slightly, watching Anthony go with a sudden stirring of hope in his chest. He wanted Anathema as soon as possible, this was all too good to be true. There was no way that the alpha wouldn't try anything, but at least Anathema might arrive before he could. 

After a few minutes, Anthony returned, lifting the blankets and tucking the hot water bottle right up against Azra's sore stomach, then sitting down again and stroking his hair slowly. Azra opened his eyes, still trembling slightly under Anthony's gaze. But he forced his mouth to open, his voice to work, his fingers curling in the sheets. 

"Why aren't you-" 

Anthony cut him off gently, leaning a little closer to him with a soft, caring smile. "Because of my mate," he said quietly, still slowly stroking Azra's hair. "Mating effects remain for life," he went on, smiling a little wider as Azra's brow furrowed in confusion. "At least for alphas. I'll never be affected by omegas in heat the same way again, not if I'm not mated to them. I can smell you, and it's a bit distracting, but I'm not overcome. I'm thinking perfectly clearly." 

Azra felt his whole body relax, a deep sigh of relief passing his lips as his eyelids fluttered closed. Exhaustion pressed down on him, suddenly feeling as heavy as an elephant. "I didn't know that," he mumbled, and Anthony sighed, his hand moving to Azra's cheek, his knuckles running over that soft skin. 

"Yeah, it's amazing how little omegas get taught about alphas and vice versa," he murmured, his voice soothing Azra now rather than making him tense. He could still smell him, and that was making his mind restless, but those gentle touches were cancelling it out, calming his desperate arousal as he exercised his long-practiced skill of ignoring it. "I only figured out from being with my mate that I can smell when an omega is on heat suppressants," Anthony went on quietly, his hand running over Azra's side now as he sank deeper into the mattress, sleep creeping around the edges of his mind. "You should probably get some new ones."

"Mm," Azra grunted, nuzzling his pillow and relishing the feeling of the fabric on his face. "It happens to me a lot. They don't work that well for me. I'll probably be fine tomorrow, though." 

"Well that's good," Anthony said sincerely, rubbing a couple of slow circles onto Azra's hip before moving his hand back over his side and up to his cheek again. "I don't like seeing you feeling bad." 

Azra didn't say anything, feeling the sleep lapping at his consciousness again, threatening to flood it, to pull him under. He struggled, not liking the idea of falling asleep in front of an alpha, even such an apparently tame one. 

"Azra, sweetheart," Anthony called softly, jerking him back to wakefulness. He opened one eye and looked up at that smiling, caring face, his chest flooding with warmth. Anthony nodded slightly, running his knuckles over Azra's cheek again. "There you are. I didn't think you'd want to fall asleep just yet." 

Azra managed a tiny smile just as he heard the front door open. He could hear Emily's voice, loud and excited, then Anathema's, commanding and firm. After a moment or two, there were hurried footsteps on the stairs and the door swung open, quickly followed by Anathema. She stopped as soon as she saw Anthony, seeming to relax slightly. 

"Hi," she mumbled, and Anthony got up, offering her his hand. 

"It's nice to meet you," he smiled, and Azra watched fuzzily as they shook hands. Then Anathema was in front of him, her gentle hands on his cheeks. 

"You need to stop taking these, Azra," she murmured reproachfully, and he groaned, trying to brush her hands away weakly. "You're stupid, taking suppressants you're allergic to," she went on, her anger fueled by worry. Azra heard a sharp intake of breath from Anthony, but ignored it. 

"I can't.." he whimpered, and Anathema softened, nodding sadly as she leaned down to hug him. 

"I know, I know. It's okay, I'm sorry. You just scare me sometimes, hon. You know I love you."

"I know," Azra mumbled, managing a sleepy smile. "I love you too." 

"Good," she said simply, then turned to Anthony. "I'll keep an eye on him until he's asleep. Could you watch Emily?" 

Anthony nodded, but hesitated, glancing at Azra reluctantly. Surprisingly enough, Azra was reluctant to see him go as well, despite everything, despite all the fear and the memories and the pain. He wanted Anthony by his side, he wanted those gentle hands on him, that soothing voice in his ear. Even if it did make him a little tense. 

Anthony shot him a brief smile and left, closing the door behind him with a quiet click. Azra swallowed and suddenly realised Anathema was watching him, an amused little smile on her face. 

"He seems nice," she said meaningfully and Azra rolled his eyes. The pain had settled to a dull ache, but he still felt weak and shaky. 

"Scared the shit out of me," he mumbled, and she nodded, rubbing his hip lightly as he shifted to get more comfortable. 

"I can imagine. Was he good with you?" 

"Didn't try anything, if that's what you mean," Azra sighed softly, closing his eyes. Anathema's hand returned to his cheek, stroking slowly as she laid down in front of him, on top of the blankets. 

"Well, I meant a little more than that, but yeah. You didn't seem like you wanted him to go." 

Azra frowned, not opening his eyes quite yet, but considering this carefully. "I think he's different," he said at last, his eyelids fluttering open to see Anathema watching him, her hands tucked under the pillow. She flashed him an encouraging smile, nodding slightly. "He...he's just always so gentle with me. He respects my boundaries, and even though I haven't known him for very long...he just...he seems like he knows how to be around me. He touches me very carefully and he's always smiling and trying to comfort me." 

Anathema nodded, reaching out to fix one of Azra's curls. "I did get a good feeling from him just now. He seems very genuine. Do you think maybe.." she trailed off, uncertain how to phrase her question, but Azra swallowed and gave a tiny nod. 

"I don't want to put any expectations on myself yet. But I like him, a lot. If he was a beta, it would be a done deal," Azra added with a soft laugh, and Anathema smiled sadly. 

"Yeah, I understand. But don't forget that isn't all he is, yeah? For a start, Emily never stops talking about him," she murmured, just as there was a soft knock at the door. Azra jumped, then said 'come in' quietly, curling up a little tighter around his hot water bottle. Anthony stuck his head around the door, then slipped in, holding a sealed bottle of water as if it might explode. 

"You should have something to drink," he said almost apologetically, and Azra managed a pained smile. 

"Thank you," he murmured, and Anthony handed the bottle to Anathema before stepping back. He glanced at her worriedly, hesitated, then walked out again, causing Anathema to let out a quiet little chuckle, shaking her head slightly. 

"He's absolutely smitten," she teased, taking the cap off the water and sitting up properly to help Azra drink. He took a few gulps, then settled back into the pillows, letting his eyes slip closed. 

"You think so?" 

"I know so," Anathema laughed, laying down again and stroking Azra's side slowly. "But I also know you need to rest, hon. Let's talk about this more when you've had a sleep." 

Azra nodded and closed his eyes again, letting the exhaustion of his heat and his anxiety lull him to sleep and gently tug him under. 

* * *

Azra woke in darkness, blinking sleepily and rubbing his eyes. Then he sat up, wincing at a sudden pain in his stomach and grabbing at it lightly, his upper body trembling. He managed to get up slowly and began the long trek downstairs, holding onto the rail tightly. 

The house was mostly quiet except the muffled sounds of the tv playing, so he wandered to the living room door and pushed it open. 

Anathema looked up from the sofa and smiled brightly. "Hey. Do you feel any better?"

"Not a whole lot," Azra mumbled, taking a deep breath as he walked over unsteadily and sat down. "I just wish it would stop." 

"I know," Anathema murmured sympathetically, running her fingers through his hair as he leaned into her side. "But on the bright side, if you do find yourself a nice alpha, your heats will be so, so perfect," she added softly, and Azra sighed. 

"I know, but...is that ever going to happen?" 

"What happened to the optimistic Azra from earlier who said he wanted to date Mr. Red Hair? Hmm?" Anathema chuckled, and Azra rolled his eyes, curling up against her as she wrapped an arm around him loosely. 

"I'm just saying. I'd rather just not have them," he sighed, and she squeezed him gently. 

"I can understand that. You got a text from your man, anyway. Shortly after he left," she smiled, picking his phone up off the coffee table and handed it to him. "I brought your phone down here in case it woke you up, but I haven't read the text." 

Azra took the phone and smiled at her gratefully, unlocking it quickly. "Thanks. It's probably just.." he trailed off as he read, scanning the text a few times to make sure he'd gotten it right. 

_ Anthony, 18:56 _

_ I hope you feel better soon, I hated seeing you in pain today. I was worried I'd scare you if I tried, but I just wanted to wrap you up in my arms and hold you until you felt better. I hope that one day we can get to a point where you'd feel comfortable with that. Anyway, if you need me to help you pick up your car, let me know xx _

Wordlessly, Azra handed his phone over to Anathema and she was silent for a moment or two, then let out a soft sigh and gave the phone back. 

"You'd better be about to date this man," she said firmly, and Azra smiled slightly, trying not to get emotional over the lovely, sweet tone to the message. 

"I know this probably won't make sense, but I do sometimes worry that maybe he's...too nice," Azra said slowly, and Anathema nodded, rubbing his side gently. 

"I understand that, and I think it's another one of those things that stems from Gabriel. You assume that if someone is being nice to you, it's because they want something. And Anthony does want something, he wants you to be happy. I talked to him for a bit while you were asleep, I wasn't grilling him, I promise, just chatting. I asked him about you a bit, and he just...he just seemed so genuine and sincere when he spoke about how much he enjoyed your company. I can't possibly imagine that he has any kind of ulterior motive. Especially after his mate, he must have been absolutely destroyed, he's not going to go around wasting other people's time. He's serious about you." 

"I hope you're right," Azra sighed, and Anathema smiled, ruffling his hair gently. 

"When am I not? And like you said earlier, there's no point in rushing into anything. Just keep seeing him, becoming better friends until it's something else."

Azra nodded, looking down at his phone, the screen now black. "I think I can just about manage that," he said softly, and Anathema smiled. 

"I know you can." 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I couldn't really think of anything that needed tagging for this chapter, other than 'this chapter contains soppy shit' so here you go lol   
> I think the next couple chapters are both Anthony chapters, so you guys will have that to look forward to soon!   
> <3


	7. Chapter Seven

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter contains: mention of scars, brief discussion of death

Anthony knocked on the door lightly, then checked his phone worriedly. He was a little early. 

Azra had texted him about an hour ago inviting him over, saying that he still wasn't feeling well and wanted some company once Emily was in bed, and Anthony had jumped at the chance to spend time with Azra two days in a row. 

The door clicked and opened, revealing Azra in fluffy pajama bottoms and a loose t-shirt, his scars on full, shameless display. Anthony smiled at him, warmth filling his chest, a warmth he hadn't felt in a long time. 

"Hey," he said softly, and Azra stepped aside, letting him in and watching as Anthony slipped his shoes off. 

"Did you have a good day?" Azra asked politely, and Anthony nodded as he hung his coat up, squashing the urge to grab the omega and pull him into a tight hug or even a slow kiss. 

"Yeah, quite busy, but good. What about you?" He asked softly, and Azra took his hand, gently leading him into the living room. Anthony was a little surprised, but followed eagerly, hoping that he was in for some contact with the absolutely adorable man in front of him. 

"Mhm. I called in sick to work and to Emily's school, we stayed home and did some reading and maths here instead. It was nice, spending more time with her," Azra smiled, sitting down and watching as Anthony sat beside him slowly and carefully. 

Anthony turned to him, opening his arm out to the side and feeling his breath catch in his throat as Azra curled up against him. His head fit just right, tucked under Anthony's chin, the rest of him slotting into that slim side with perfect ease. 

"How are you feeling today?" Anthony asked softly, and Azra's arm snaked around his stomach, slow and uncertain, but incredibly welcome. 

"Not so bad, just still a bit shaky and not quite myself. The pain in my stomach isn't so bad, but it's definitely still there." 

"I'm sorry, that's annoying," Anthony murmured, and Azra shrugged, shifting slightly to sink further into Anthony's side. 

"I'll be okay. Just need some rest and some time," Azra answered softly, and Anthony felt those delicate blond eyelashes flutter against his neck as Azra closed his eyes. 

"Good," Anthony smiled, stroking down his back slowly, then running his hand down one of Azra's arms. "Azra?" 

"Mm?" Azra hummed, tightening his grip on Anthony's waist slightly. 

"How come you're alright with me? It hasn't been all that long since you slammed the door in my face, but you seem so relaxed," he asked quietly, tracing little circles on the outside of Azra's arm. He sighed deeply, and Anthony felt him press even closer, that warm body so firmly against Anthony's side. 

"I don't know," he said at last. "I've been asking myself that a lot, to be honest. It scares me a bit. I feel like I should be more...more tense around you. That maybe I'm missing out on some kind of warning sign." 

"You're not," Anthony assured him quickly, pressing a soft kiss to his cheek without thinking. Azra gasped in surprise, then blushed, burying his face in Anthony's neck. "I promise, Azra," Anthony went on as if nothing had happened. "All I want is to hold you and protect you, and make you happy," he admitted softly, allowing Azra to pull away slightly, looking down at the scars on his arms. 

He sniffed a bit, then nodded and looked at Anthony with a shaky smile, his eyes a little wet. "I'd like that. A lot," he murmured, and Anthony felt a rush of emotion wash over him, making him even more desperate to have Azra wrapped up in his arms. He leaned in again, gently holding Azra's chin as he pressed a light, careful kiss to that soft, flushed cheek, and watched as Azra giggled, ducking his head slightly. Anthony clenched his jaw, the sheer intensity of Azra's sweet, happy nature almost making him want to cry. And then, at last, Azra was settling back against him, Anthony's arms closing around him immediately, cradling him comfortably. 

Azra's gentle fingers stroked up and down Anthony's arm, his movements lazy and a little sleepy. "Anthony?" 

"Yes?" Anthony smiled, nuzzling the side of Azra's head, ignoring the curls tickling his cheeks. 

"Can I ask you about your mate?" Azra murmured, his voice as soft as his touch, simply asking without expectation. 

Anthony swallowed, his fingers curling in Azra's shirt as he held him a little tighter. "Yeah, I um...yeah. If you like," he answered uncertainly, wanting to be open about himself, and yet nervous. He didn't really want to start crying in front of Azra, he didn't want to seem weak. 

Azra ran a hand down his chest, and Anthony smiled slightly, leaning his head against Azra's as he thought. "How did you meet him?" He asked at last, and Anthony shifted, taking a slow breath. 

"We went to the same uni, and actually lived in the same flat on campus for our first year. I think I honestly fell in love with him instantly, but it took him a bit longer, he wasn't um...well, he wasn't sure of alphas to start with. Not in the same way as you, but he'd had some not great experiences like most omegas and I had to convince him I wasn't going to be a dick. We were at that university together until he died," Anthony added softly, his chest feeling heavy as he breathed, his hands trembling slightly where they rested on Azra's arm and side. 

"He died when he was twenty three, right?" Azra asked gently, and Anthony nodded, taking a deep, shuddering breath in as he clung a little tighter to his companion. 

"Yeah, he did. We um. We were together from a couple of months into that first year of uni until he passed," he mumbled, blinking away the tears that stung at the corners of his eyes, threatening him. 

"I'm sorry," Azra sighed, shifting position slightly, even more of his warmth pressed against Anthony. "Did he have quite strong heats?" 

Anthony hesitated, surprised by the question, and Azra swallowed, grabbing at his arm gently. 

"You don't have to answer that, I-"

"No, no, it's okay. I think I can figure out why you're asking," Anthony sighed, then nodded. "Yeah, he did. We were actually trying for a baby, had all the treatments and everything. We both knew that...well, that it wasn't likely he was going to make it to thirty, and we both wanted kids, but um...yeah. We had to stop because of the chemo they gave him, it was really hard to give up," Anthony went on, ignoring the way his voice shook, his throat closing up as he squeezed his eyes shut against the tidal wave of grief. 

Azra hugged him even tighter, and Anthony leaned into the comfort, drawing that scent in, holding it in the front of his mind so he could cherish it, take comfort in it. "I'm so sorry," Azra whispered, and Anthony smiled sadly, his fingertips pressing into Azra's skin through his shirt. 

"It's okay," he choked out, one shaky hand going to the back of Azra's head. "I'm okay, I just...it's still sad, and I think I'll always be a bit sad when I think of him." 

"And that's okay," Azra murmured, his hand brushing over Anthony's cheek, his skin warm and soft. "Loss is always one of those things you keep with you." 

Anthony nodded slightly, holding Azra a little tighter and letting out a soft sigh. "Can I ask you something?" He mumbled after a brief pause, and Azra nodded, pressing closer into him. 

"Mhm." 

"I was really surprised when I met Anathema...she's an alpha, isn't she? Why...why is it different with her?" Anthony asked slowly, trying to make sure he phrased the question tactfully. Azra was quiet for a moment before answering, his arms tightening around Anthony slightly. 

"I grew up with her. We've known each other practically since birth and always went to the same schools. That's why I moved here, actually, to be closer to her. She's also only attracted to men, and um...well, since I grew up thinking I was a woman, it...we never even thought about any kind of...anything. She's more my sister than my friend," Azra explained quietly, still seeming comfortable and relaxed. "We had so much history before Gabriel, and when we reconnected after he left me, it was...it was so easy and natural and she was there for me, more than anyone else. I trust her with everything." 

Anthony nodded slightly, kissing the side of Azra's head lightly. "I'm glad you have someone like that, it's so important." 

Azra hummed agreement, then went silent, so Anthony focused all his attention on holding him and simply listening to his soft, slow breathing. 

After a few minutes, however, Azra shifted, letting out a quiet sigh and curling up a little tighter. 

"You okay?" Anthony asked, his voice slightly rough and sounding rather loud after a long, thoughtful silence. 

"Mm, sleepy," Azra mumbled, and Anthony nodded, squeezing him gently. 

"You could lay down?" He suggested, then glanced towards the blank tv screen. "Maybe we could put something on in the background, you could take a little nap?" 

Azra nodded sleepily, stifling a yawn before sliding down and curling up on the sofa, his head resting comfortably in Anthony's lap. He switched the tv on and tugged a blanket over Azra, then settled back, stroking his hair slowly, over and over, until soft little snores threatened to drown out the very quiet audio from the TV. 

Anthony smiled to himself contentedly, his hand running up and down Azra's side slowly as he watched the TV absentmindedly, his thoughts drifting off into happy memories with Ben. 

After a while, though, Azra began to stir, shifting ever so slightly at first, then beginning to mumble. It began with completely unintelligible sentences, then became a little more animated, unable to be soothed by Anthony's gentle shushing. 

"No...no, I don't-....please, I just...I'm sorry!" 

Anthony winced at the tone of voice, sleepy but still full of terror and pain. 

"Azra, wake up, it's alright. Wake up," he murmured, starting to shake Azra's shoulder gently. 

"No!  _ Please,  _ I-...I don't want to!" 

And then Azra woke himself up with a sudden sharp squeal of pain, his body jolting. He stared at nothing for a wild second or two, then began to shake all over. 

"Hey, sweetheart," Anthony began as quietly as he could, trying not to startle the terrified man, while still desperate to comfort him. "It's alright, Azra. It was just a dream," he added, and Azra froze for a moment, trembling, then sat up and frantically began to grab at Anthony's shirt, pressing himself as close as he could. Anthony embraced him immediately, starting to rock him slowly as the expected tears came at last, although rather quiet and delicate. 

"It's alright, I'm here. I'm here," he murmured shakily, feeling Azra's tears soaking into his shirt, making it cling to his skin as the sobs began to escalate slightly. "Oh Azra, it's okay," Anthony soothed, cradling the back of Azra's head in one long-fingered hand, his chin resting in those soft curls. "I've got you, it's alright. It's okay. Nothing to be scared of, I promise." 

"I-I know," Azra choked out between soft little cries, and Anthony squeezed his eyes shut against the rush of emotion, his grip on Azra tightening all over again. 

"Good. Try to take deep breaths, if you can. That's it," he hummed as Azra's sobs began to lessen, his body relaxing more and more until the tears tailed off into sniffs. 

"I'm sorry," he said after a moment or two, his voice still thick and a bit shaky. "I didn't mean to worry you." 

"There's nothing to apologise for," Anthony answered softly, his fingers curling slightly in Azra's hair as hatred for whoever had hurt him rose up suddenly, bitter and sour in his throat. "Never apologise for things you can't control, sweetheart. It's not like you chose to have a nightmare, and besides, I'm just glad I was here to hold you." 

"You're very good at saying all the right things," Azra chuckled softly, and Anthony kissed his cheek lightly, a smile tugging at the corners of his lips. 

"I suppose I must be. How about you try to get some actual rest in bed now, though?" 

Azra nodded slightly, slowly pulling away from Anthony's embrace to get up, a little unsteady on his feet. Anthony stood hurriedly, slipping an arm around Azra's waist and squeezing lightly, silently starting to help him towards the stairs. Azra leaned into him quite heavily a few times, but Anthony didn't mind. It made him feel useful, being able to help, able to comfort Azra and make him feel better. He liked feeling like he was helping someone again, making someone's life a little brighter. 

Azra winced slightly as he opened the bedroom door, but took a deep breath and slipped inside. Anthony followed slowly, supporting him carefully as he climbed into bed, curling up under the covers with a quiet little sigh. 

"That's it," Anthony smiled, trying to ignore how unbearably cute Azra was, all tucked up in bed with such a content, sleepy expression. Azra smiled at him, and he leaned over, stroking those fluffy curls and watching them bounce back, unruly as ever. Then he pressed a soft kiss to Azra's warm cheek, smiling down at him as he closed his eyes.

"I'll see you soon, alright?" 

Azra hummed agreement and Anthony smiled to himself, straightening up and heading for the door. He glanced behind him one last time before slipping out, shutting the door behind him with a soft click. 

Then he hurried down the stairs and tugged his shoes and coat on before stepping outside. He hesitated in the chilly night air, reaching into his coat pocket and pulling out a sheet of pills. He took one quickly, then exchanged the pills for his keys and got into his car, starting it. Anthony didn't drive away immediately, though, staring up at the house for a few long moments, wishing he could be in bed with Azra, holding him and comforting him back to sleep. 

He sighed to himself and finally put the Bentley into reverse, backing out of the driveway and heading off down the road. It was hard, trying to keep those memories at bay now that Anthony didn't have Azra to focus on. Ben kept rising in his mind, bittersweet and distracting. In fact, bittersweet was rather the mood for Anthony's night: he was glad that he and Azra were getting closer, but he was worried about him. The more he learned about Azra, the more he didn't want to leave him, instead wanting to hold him forever. He sighed to himself heavily and tried to push all the thoughts away, but it was no use. So as soon as he got home, he climbed into bed and closed his eyes, sinking into the thoughtless solace of sleep. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, I know I updated yesterday, but I'm having a kind of shitty time at the moment and so I felt like putting another chapter up. I hope you enjoyed it! I know it's a bit of a short one, but the next one is a little longer. 
> 
> I'm going to have a quick rant here:   
> Unsolicited criticism does not belong in fandom spaces. There is absolutely no point to it, if you don't like what you read, don't read it. Or at the very, very least, ask creators first before blindsiding them with criticism. As someone with numerous mental health issues, I've been having a really shitty time these past couple weeks and reading a comment with unsolicited criticism was not helpful, I am simply not in the headspace to deal with it right now - which is why I didn't ask. So please be conscious of this next time. 
> 
> Thank you to everyone else, though! You guys are great and I love you all, thank you for sticking around and being so supportive <3


	8. Chapter Eight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter contains: mention of drinking alcohol, panic attacks, scars, brief discussion of past parental abuse.  
> As always, feel free to contact me with any questions or concerns!

They'd been trying to organise around their respective busy schedules for over a week, and Anthony was finally driving over to Azra's to see him, tapping his fingers on the steering wheel nervously. They'd left things on a good note, but he knew he still had to be careful. Azra needed every little step broken down into yet more tiny steps, each one taken slowly and with due consideration. 

Anthony didn't mind this, not exactly. He didn't mind the fact that Azra needed it, otherwise he probably would have walked away, but he did find it frustrating every now and then. Not in the sense that he was angry or upset with Azra, but more in the sense that he wanted to be able to touch him and kiss him and sleep with him to comfort him after every nightmare. 

But Anthony understood. 

Every time he got frustrated, he reminded himself of those scars, of the endless marks on Azra's forearms. He was sure the ones around his wrists were from handcuffs, and just the thought sickened him. It always put things into perspective for him. After all, Anthony may have been a little frustrated, but Azra was stepping so far out of his comfort zone to even have Anthony in his house, to allow him to touch him in any way. Anthony couldn't imagine how that felt, but he was certain it was much, much worse than the occasional annoyance that he felt when he wanted to hug or kiss Azra. 

He sighed softly and then smiled to himself, thinking about the last time he'd seen Azra, that flush of warmth he'd felt when he'd gotten to kiss the omega's cheek, to hold him gently. 

All he wanted was more of that, and he was hopeful that the evening would go well. They'd been talking on the phone every evening like clockwork, about anything and everything for hours, getting to know one another without that extra pressure of being in the same room, and it seemed to be going well. It gave Anthony hope, that maybe the more Azra knew about him, the less worried he would be in person. 

As Anthony parked the car, he took a deep breath, then got out and headed inside, knocking before opening the unlocked door. 

"Azra?" Anthony called out softly, not wanting to make too much noise in case it woke Emily. 

Azra hurried out of the kitchen, flashing him a bright smile and gesturing for him to come inside. "She's just gone down to sleep," he said quietly, watching as Anthony stepped over the threshold and bent down to take his shoes off. 

"How is she?" 

"Good," Azra smiled, always seeming to brighten up when Anthony asked about his daughter. "She did some paintings at school today and also did really well on a spelling assignment, so she's very excited about that." 

Anthony nodded, slipping his coat off and hanging it up, not quite catching the way Azra blinked, surprise passing over his face for a moment. He moved towards him, and Azra didn't back away exactly, but his body language changed slightly to indicate that backing away was an option. 

"You didn't say you had tattoos," he said quietly, his voice a little flat. Anthony looked down at his arms, realising suddenly that he'd never worn a short sleeved shirt around Azra before.

"Oh, sorry," he answered, looking up into those beautiful blue eyes, trying to read the rather complicated expression there. "Are you...are you alright?" 

"Yeah, just surprised me," Azra smiled, relaxing slightly, his body language changing again, becoming more open. "Sorry, I've not had the best day, so I'm a bit tense. Have you had dinner yet?" 

Anthony blinked, a little confused by the quick turnaround, but smiled and shook his head. "Not yet." 

"Well, there's some leftovers from the dinner I had with Em, I'll get you some," Azra announced, hurrying into the kitchen before Anthony could say anything. 

Anthony took a breath and followed, shoving his hands in his pockets as he leaned against the wall. Azra glanced at him, flashing a smile that made Anthony's heart skip. It was so casual and sweet, so natural, and seemed so much more relaxed than his usual demeanour, almost as if Anthony was finally getting a glimpse into Azra's true self. 

"Can I do anything to help?" He asked, watching as Azra took a dish out of the fridge. 

"No, it's okay. All I have to do is reheat this pasta," Azra answered, putting the dish in the microwave and setting a time. While it was running, he took a plate out of the cupboard and set it out, then looked over at Anthony shyly. 

"You can go sit down if you want, I'll bring it in." 

Anthony shrugged, smiling at him while trying to keep from showing all the tenderness he felt. He still didn't want to overwhelm Azra. "I like being with you," he said simply, and relished the blush on Azra's cheeks as he looked down at the floor. 

"Me too." 

The microwave beeped and Anthony watched while Azra opened the door hurriedly, emptying the contents of the dish onto the plate carefully. He added a fork and picked the plate up, then walked over to Anthony, still blushing. 

"I'm sorry it doesn't look like much, I-" 

"It smells delicious," Anthony interrupted gently, and Azra smiled, his eyes lighting up as he murmured a soft 'thank you.'

He led Anthony into the living room and sat down, turning the tv on for quiet background noise while Anthony began to eat. It was even tastier than it smelled, and he polished it off fairly quickly, looking up into Azra's worried face. 

"Have I ever told you that you're a fantastic cook?" Anthony grinned, and Azra blushed again, even darker this time. 

"No, but thank you," he answered softly, and Anthony leaned forward, setting his plate on the coffee table before resting a hand on Azra's knee. 

"Well, I think Emily is very lucky to have you as her personal chef," he chuckled, and Azra laughed, warming Anthony's chest with his genuine, happy smile. 

"I'll remember that one," he said, then suddenly frowned, standing up quickly. "I never offered you a drink, I'm so sorry!" 

"It's alright," Anthony soothed, already knowing Azra well enough to recognise his tone as one of pre-panic. "I'd like one now, though, if that's alright." 

"Of course!" Azra answered, nodding quickly. "What would you like?" 

"Do you have any red wine?" 

Immediately Anthony knew he'd said something wrong. Azra stiffened, his jaw clenching slightly, his eyes going cold and hard. His fingers curled by his sides, his hands starting to tremble. 

"There's no alcohol in this house," he said sharply, and Anthony winced inwardly, quickly reaching out and gently pulling at Azra'a hips, guiding him closer. 

"Hey, hey. That's okay, it's alright," he murmured, and Azra followed his guidance reluctantly, moving over to stand in front of him. Anthony leaned forward and reached up, his hand coming to rest on Azra's cheek, his heart skipping all over again as Azra's eyelids fluttered closed for just a moment or two, his head turning to press the side of his face into Anthony's touch. "What's upsetting you, Azra?" 

Azra sighed and pulled away, half turning to look towards the kitchen instead of meeting Anthony's concerned gaze. 

"How much do you drink?" He asked quietly, his voice tentative and a little shaky, but not quite panicky, not yet. There was a definite suggestion that panic was an option, though. 

Anthony thought about this for a moment, and decided that honesty probably wasn't the best policy in this case. He drank a lot, and was fully capable of getting through two bottles of wine in an evening, possibly even throwing in a few fingers of whiskey, but he only drank alone. And he figured that the reason Azra didn't like alcohol most likely could be traced back to the same reason he didn't like alphas or short sleeved shirts or other people making his food. Which meant that Anthony's drinking only really applied when it directly related to Azra. 

"I have a glass of wine every now and again with dinner," he answered quietly, gently taking one of Azra's hands and squeezing it lightly. "Just because I like the taste. I don't like being drunk much," he added, trying not to wince at the lie by omission. He didn't like being drunk much  _ around other people.  _

Azra seemed to relax, his defensive posture dropping slightly. He didn't exactly smile, but the frown was gone, his gaze still trained on the floor. "I have juice," he mumbled, and Anthony ran his thumb over Azra's knuckles, trying to soothe him even further. 

"That would be perfect, thank you very much," Anthony answered softly, and Azra was gone, carrying the plate back into the kitchen. 

While he was gone, Anthony took a deep breath, trying to bury the guilt he felt about lying. He did his best to tell himself that it wouldn't have done either of them any good to be entirely truthful, but it didn't really help. 

When Azra came back, Anthony looked up and gave him his best smile, but just as Azra drew close to him, he tripped over the rug and the juice went flying. 

Anthony jumped up as soon as it hit him, and the cup hit the floor, luckily not shattering as Azra scrambled back, almost immediately starting to sob. 

"I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I'm so so sorry!" He choked out over and over, backing up until he hit the wall, then starting to sob even harder, until he could barely breathe. Horrified, Anthony slipped his wet shirt off and discarded it, then hurried forward, gently trying to pull Azra's hands down and away from his face. As he did so, Azra's sobs became even more intense, his whole body trembling as he struggled to force out barely intelligible apologies. 

"Shhh, sweetheart. Shhh, it's alright," Anthony soothed, trying to keep his voice calm, even though his hands were shaking. "There's no harm done, Azra. It's alright. It was an accident, I'm not upset," he said softly, finally managing to pull Azra's hands away from his face and planting a soft kiss on his cheek. "Don't cry, sweetheart. It's just juice," he murmured, and Azra's sobs finally began to lessen slightly, his shakes slowly becoming less violent. "That's it, deep breaths," Anthony encouraged gently, trying to wipe away Azra's tears, but giving up after a few seconds, as there were simply too many. "Keep taking deep breaths, okay? I'm going to clean the couch a bit so we can sit down again." 

Anthony stepped back slowly and Azra slid down the wall to curl up with his back against it, his face buried in his hands again. Wincing, Anthony turned away and hurriedly used his shirt to dab at the spills on the couch, then picked up the cup and jogged to the kitchen. He grabbed some kitchen roll and cleaned the juice off the floor, then the couch again, glancing at Azra every few seconds to make sure he was okay. 

His cries had been slowly quietening, so Anthony walked over tentatively, crouching down in front of the still-trembling Azra. 

"Hey, how about you come sit down?" He suggested gently, reaching out to rub Azra's shoulder lightly. 

Azra gave a tiny nod and finally dropped his hands into his lap, staring up at Anthony with washed-out, red eyes, his cheeks sticky with tears and flushed by his sobs. Anthony smiled at him sadly, taking his hand to help him up and wrapping an arm around his waist as he stood shakily. 

"You're alright. Everything's alright," he soothed, guiding Azra forward and slowly helping him to the couch, where he collapsed into the cushions gratefully. Anthony sat beside him, and before he could even ask, Azra was snuggled up to his side, sniffling. 

"I'm sorry," he mumbled as Anthony turned slightly, pulling him into a proper, tight hug; one arm around his waist, the other hand cradling the back of his head. 

"Don't apologise, Azra," Anthony murmured, squeezing him lightly and smiling as he felt Azra shifting closer to him. "It was an accident, it wasn't your fault. I'm sorry I scared you, I suppose I probably shouldn't have jumped up so quickly," he sighed, and Azra buried his face in his shoulder, pressing against the bare skin there. Anthony smiled to himself and began to stroke Azra's hair lightly, just as those gentle hands began to run across his bare back tentatively. 

Anthony tensed slightly, but Azra had already found one of the long, thick scars, his fingertips running along it slowly while the rest of his body stiffened in surprise. A moment of silence followed, and then Azra began to cry all over again, his fingers curling, digging into Anthony's back lightly as he clung to him, barely able to breathe between sobs. 

Anthony sighed softly and slowly disentangled himself from Azra, kissing his cheek silently before hurrying upstairs. He went to Azra's room and opened one of his drawers, pulling out a random plain t-shirt and slipping it on. It was rather baggy, despite the fact that he was the taller of the two, but it didn't matter. He headed back downstairs quickly, slipping into the living room and sitting down beside Azra. 

The cries were softer now, but Anthony just pulled Azra in close, rubbing his back slowly as he continued to calm down, his whole body still trembling slightly. 

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry for crying so much," he mumbled after a while, his voice broken and shaky, his hands gently grabbing at Anthony's shirt. Anthony sighed and squeezed him tighter, cradling his head as always. 

"It's alright, Azra. Really. I think a lot just happened in quite a short space of time, and I know it's hard to stop spiraling once one thing upsets you. I'm just glad you're okay now," he answered sincerely, and Azra let out a soft sigh, his hands returning to Anthony's back, his arms sliding around him slowly. 

"I'm sorry," he mumbled again, and Anthony pressed a kiss to the side of his head. 

"What for now?" 

"Your back," Azra murmured, and Anthony tensed for a moment, then nodded, rubbing slow circles into Azra's side. "What happened?" 

Anthony took a slow breath, but it had been years, years that had been filled with numerous therapists, and it wasn't too difficult, not anymore. "My mother," he said quietly. "My other mum passed when I was seventeen, very suddenly. And I think my mother lost it, she just...she kept snapping randomly over nothing, and she had this belt.." Anthony winced as he trailed off, his fingers curling in Azra's silky hair unconsciously. "I left home shortly after." 

Azra nodded, squeezing Anthony to him and letting out a deep, exhausted sigh. "I'm sorry." 

"It's alright. I'm pretty much over it now, it was a good few years ago and I don't think about it much anymore," he admitted quietly, and Azra gently pulled away from him, just enough to press a soft kiss to his cheek. 

"Still. I'm sorry," he murmured, and Anthony swallowed hard, blinking away the tears that welled up so suddenly, at the simple feeling of that brief, yet so tender kiss. He could feel his cheeks flushing, but underneath that warmth, he could still feel Azra's lips on his skin. 

"Thank you," he mumbled, and Azra leaned into him even more, his head tucked under Anthony's chin. 

"I like you a lot," Azra said softly, and Anthony swallowed again, hugging him even tighter. 

"I like you a lot too," he answered, and Azra smiled, nuzzling his shoulder again and letting out a soft little sigh. 

"I'm exhausted, though." 

"I bet, you were very upset," Anthony murmured, running his fingers through those spun-sugar curls. "I can go home if you like." 

"Or you could stay here," Azra said quietly, and Anthony's breath caught in his throat for a moment, his heart beating a little faster at the thought. "On the couch, I mean," Azra added hastily, and some of that excitement faded into disappointment, but not all of it. 

Then Anthony remembered his pills and sighed. 

"I'd love to, I honestly would, but I left my medication at home and I have to take it before bed." 

Azra shifted position slightly, sounding rather disappointed when he next spoke. "Oh. That's okay, maybe another time." 

"Definitely another time," Anthony replied firmly, smiling as he squeezed Azra tightly. "Maybe we could watch a movie another day." 

"I'd like that," Azra smiled, shifting his position slightly and relaxing happily. "You don't have to leave just yet." 

Anthony hummed to himself, turning his head to press his face into Azra's sweet-smelling hair, pulling him even closer. Azra nuzzled even closer to Anthony, settling into a relaxed silence. 

After a few minutes, Anthony felt Azra's hands slip, his head falling heavier onto Anthony's shoulder, before he woke again and sighed softly. 

"I think you need to go to bed," Anthony chuckled, and Azra whined, shaking his head slightly. 

"No, I'm fine," he mumbled, but Anthony gently started to push him away. 

"Come on, you need to rest," he murmured, and Azra gave in, letting go of Anthony and sitting back to rub his eyes sleepily. 

"Alright, alright." 

Anthony chuckled softly and got up, gently pulling Azra up after him. "Come on, let's go." 

Azra smiled and leaned into Anthony's chest briefly, then pulled away, gently brushing his hand off. "I'll be okay, let me see you out," he murmured, and Anthony smiled, nodding slightly. 

"Alright." 

Azra followed Anthony down the hallway, waiting patiently while he put his shoes and coat on, then stepped forward and caught his arm before he could open the door. Anthony turned, staring into those soft blue eyes, and smiled as his insides went melty. 

"I'll see you soon," Azra said firmly, and Anthony's smile widened. He wouldn't dream of arguing. 

"Of course," he answered, then leaned in, pressing a soft, lingering kiss to Azra's cheek before finally opening the front door and slipping out into the cold night air. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, thank you for all your support after the last chapter I posted, it's been really great to hear from all of you <3 I hope you enjoyed this chapter! <3<3


	9. Chapter Nine

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter contains: nightmare with graphic violence (only the first part in italics), panic attacks, flashbacks.  
> It also contains a lot of soppy shit so enjoy!

_ The pain was unbearable, so much so that he couldn't really tell where it was coming from anymore. Even with the blindfold blocking out every scrap of light, he could still feel the camera's cold eye on him, as real as the intrusion tearing through his entrance.  _

_ His hands were bound, and his struggles had caused the handcuffs to cut into his wrists over and over, blood running down his forearms. Another tally had been added to the count on his hip, the new, deep cut ready to serve as another hated reminder.  _

_ The whip fell on his stomach again and he was too weak to even cry out, his eyes closing, his head lolling as he passed out at long last.  _

* * *

Azra gasped as he woke, then immediately grabbed for his phone, checking the time and staring at the lock screen, a lovely picture of Emily from their day out at the beach a few weeks ago. It was enough to jolt him back to reality, back to the present, reminding him that Gabriel was long gone. 

The time was just after seven thirty, and he'd gotten a text from his usual babysitter to say she was ill, so he tapped on his contacts with a finger still shaky from his dream, and pressed on the call button. 

"Hey, everything alright?" 

Anthony's voice washed over him, soothing in its normality and its friendliness. 

"Yeah...well, I mean, no...but it's okay. I just um...sorry, I just woke up from a nightmare, so I'm not making much sense, but-" 

"Are you okay?" Anthony asked gently, and Azra swallowed, the question surprising him and taking him off-guard slightly. 

"Um, yeah. A bit shaky, but I'll be okay. But um...my usual babysitter is sick, and-" 

"I'll come, what time do you want me there?" 

"Em finishes school at three," Azra answered hurriedly, sitting up slowly and running a hand through his messy hair. "I'll make you dinner and everything, obviously." 

"Cool. I love spending time with her. And you," Anthony said sincerely, causing Azra to smile and blush slightly. "So I'll pick her up, yeah?" 

"Yes please. I'll leave the car seat on the table." 

"Yep. It'll be nice to see you. I can give you a nice hug to make you feel better after your nightmare." 

Azra smiled to himself, feeling the blush intensify as he looked down at his hands. "I'd like that." 

"Good. I'll see you later, Azra." 

"Yeah. Bye." 

Azra hung up and took a deep breath, then got up and began to get ready for the day. 

* * *

When Azra got home, he parked next to Anthony's Bentley and walked up to the door, taking a deep breath before unlocking it with shaking hands. He'd had a shitty day at work, exhausted from his nightmare and constantly getting berated by people who didn't think he was doing his job properly. An alpha had shouted at him after being told that Azra couldn't accept a prescription without a doctor's signature, and he'd had to go have a ten minute break hiding in the toilet. 

Now, though, he could smell Anthony as he stepped through the door, his scent much less intense than it had been when they'd first met, having changed into something warmer, more soothing rather than erotic. Azra kicked his shoes off and wandered into the living room, finding a rather large mess and a pillow fort with a sheet hanging over the front. He could hear Emily giggling, and then Anthony shushed her, his voice soft and full of amusement. 

Azra felt his throat close up a little, the relief of coming home to something so sweet, so entirely happy feeling rather overwhelming. 

"Hmm, I wonder where they could be?" He asked theatrically, just about managing to keep the emotion out of his voice. 

Emily giggled again and he stepped forward slowly, then ripped the sheet back, causing his daughter to squeal with laughter, bouncing out of the fort to throw her arms around his neck. He grinned and scooped her up, wrapping an arm around her waist and holding her on his hip as she leaned into him happily. 

"We built a fort!" 

"I can see that," Azra chuckled, watching as Anthony crawled out of the fort and stood up, a shy smile on his face. 

"Hey. You okay?" 

Azra's smile faltered slightly, the question hitting him hard, reminding him exactly why he wasn't. "Uh...not really," he mumbled, and Anthony nodded, then gently took Emily from him, setting her on her feet. 

"How about we do some arts and crafts with your daddy? Hmm?" He suggested, and she grinned, shouting something about getting the box before running off. 

And then Azra was wrapped up in strong arms, his face pressed against that familiar shoulder, Anthony's head leaning against his. 

"I'm sorry you're not feeling well," Anthony murmured, and Azra took a deep breath, reluctantly pulling away from the embrace just in case the relief of being hugged so tenderly finally broke the already rather cracked dam that had been holding his tears back all day. 

"I'll be okay," he managed, and Anthony nodded again, pressing a soft kiss to his cheek, his fingertips holding his jaw ever so lightly. 

"I'm here if you want to talk later, alright?" 

"Thank you," Azra answered sincerely, and Anthony smiled, looking as if he wanted to say more, but wasn't quite sure what to say. 

Before he could figure it out, Emily hurried back in, pushing the box in front of her. 

Anthony gently took Azra's hand, pulling him toward the table, guiding him to sit down and taking the place beside him. Azra took a deep breath and leaned into him slightly, smiling at Emily while she got some supplies out of the box. 

"What do you wanna do, love?" He asked softly, and she looked up briefly, then went back to rummaging with a very serious look on her face. 

"I want to use googly eyes," she announced, and Anthony chuckled, his hand finding Azra's leg, resting there lightly, discreetly. 

"Yeah? What are you gonna stick them to?" 

Emily frowned deeply, as if this hadn't occurred to her, then shrugged. "Whatever I can find." 

Azra smiled to himself lovingly, and leaned over to help her find the supplies she wanted, throwing himself into the play so he didn't have to think about work or his nightmare or how good and normal and right Anthony's hand felt on his thigh. 

* * *

By the time Azra got up to make dinner, the three of them had managed to make some pompom animals and some nice drawings, and Emily and Anthony were still working hard on something messy. 

Azra left them to it after assuring Anthony he didn't need help, and went into the kitchen. He poked around in the fridge until he'd found enough sausages and potatoes for three people, quickly dumping the sausages onto a baking tray and throwing the potatoes on to boil. Another quick search found plenty of tins of sweetcorn in the cupboard, and he set a couple aside for later, then leaned back against the counter and pressed the heels of his hands against his eyes. 

He suddenly felt like crying all over again, everything just feeling a bit too heavy. Although it was a nice feeling, a homely feeling, Azra didn't like the way he'd felt when he'd stepped through the door. He didn't like knowing that he was trusting so much, leaving himself so vulnerable to anything and everything. And even though he knew he was only anxious because it had been a long day, he still couldn't shake the worry. 

Azra heard footsteps a moment later and Anthony walked in, silently handing over a piece of paper. Struggling to switch gears and unable to read Anthony's expression, Azra blinked at the sheet in front of him, then went still. 

The title of the drawing was 'my family' in dark purple crayon, those slightly shaky letters so familiar. He could see a short stick figure with long brown hair, two tall stick figures labelled as Auntie Ana and Newt, and two other taller figures holding hands next to the small figure, one with blond hair, one with red. 

Azra handed the paper back, then buried his face in his hands, starting to tremble all over, wondering if he'd gone about everything all wrong, whether he'd made a huge mistake. The panic rose, quick and sharp, but Anthony was already hugging him tightly, holding him close as he started to cry ever so softly. 

"Oh, no, no, it's okay," Anthony said gently, his hand running through Azra's hair slowly, his grip tightening slightly. "Shhh, don't cry. We can talk to her, or...or something, I don't know. It's um...not the end of the world." 

Azra shook his head slightly, his hands finding Anthony's back, clinging to his shirt. He didn't know how to communicate everything he was feeling, even if he did feel able to talk - it was all too complicated, too tangled. He was happy and sad at the same time, excited and anxious, exhausted and yet full of nervous energy. 

Anthony slowly began to pull away, his fingers curling around Azra's jaw and lifting his chin lightly. "Hey. What's wrong?" 

Azra sighed deeply and managed to dry his cheeks with a shaky hand, forcing a smile through everything. "I'm just really overwhelmed today, I need...I need things to slow down a bit. My life, I mean, it's just...everything all happening at once, you know?" 

Anthony nodded sympathetically, leaning down slightly to press a soft kiss to Azra's forehead. "Yeah, I can understand. How about I put it on the fridge for now? It'll remind us to deal with it later." 

Azra nodded slightly, taking a deep breath as he watched Anthony stick the paper to the fridge by way of a magnet, then walk back to Azra, offering him another hug. 

Without needing to think anymore, Azra fell into that welcoming chest, closing his eyes as Anthony wrapped his arms around him tightly. He let out a soft little sigh and allowed the warm scent to pour through him, soothing his shakes and making him feel relaxed and calm. Anthony squeezed him a little tighter, and Azra smiled, burying his face in the alpha's shoulder. 

"Let me help with dinner, or something. You're so stressed," Anthony said softly after a moment or two, and Azra shook his head slightly, turning his head so he could speak without his voice being muffled. 

"It's okay, it's not much work. Maybe you could do the washing up?" He suggested tentatively, and Anthony nodded immediately, leaning his head against Azra's. 

"Of course. I care about you, you know." 

"I know," Azra mumbled, trying to ignore the lump in his throat, a little painful as he gripped Anthony tighter. 

"I should probably go and check on Emily," Anthony sighed, beginning to pull away reluctantly, his hands slipping across Azra's back. He nodded slightly, staring down at the floor, and felt a hand on his cheek, making him twitch slightly in surprise. 

"Let me know if you need anything, okay?" Anthony said seriously, and Azra nodded again, taking a deep, slow breath. 

"Thanks." 

Anthony sighed again and kissed his forehead before walking away, out of the kitchen. Azra waited for a second or two, then slid down to sit on the floor, his knees up, his arms folded across them. Then he buried his face in his arms and squeezed his eyes shut, trying to fight the tsunami of emotion crashing through him. 

He still felt like crying, but he knew Anthony would hear, so he just gritted his teeth and tried to sort through everything he was feeling. 

Something like panic but not quite the same was beating under his skin, hot and fluid, and he realised with a jolt that he'd wanted to pull Anthony even closer, to pull him into a kiss. His first reaction to the picture hadn't been negative, or particularly positive - it had been simple acceptance. He'd felt that it was right. 

Emily had drawn their family the way Azra felt, somewhere deep down, that it should be, and it had startled him. It scared him to know that he wanted that reality, that he wanted the alpha to be so involved in his life. But now it was on paper and he couldn't deny it, he couldn't deny how it made him feel. For better or worse, Azra trusted Anthony. And that was what was so dizzyingly terrifying and yet, so awfully exciting. 

It was like looking into a pit, a deep, dark hole that could either contain endless treasure or certain death. And he didn't know which it would be until he jumped. 

But he'd already jumped, he realised. 

He'd jumped and was falling, Emily was proof of that, perceiving his relationship with Anthony better than he himself could. The endless treasure would be a life with Anthony, a family unit, boundless love shared between the three of them, while the certain death would look more like his relationship with Gabriel all over again - only this time with his child involved. 

A beeping jolted him out of his thoughts and back to dinner. Azra scrambled up shakily and turned the oven timer off, opening the door hurriedly. The sausages looked perfect; crispy and sizzling, so he took the tray out of the oven and checked on the potatoes. Once they were drained, he mashed them with butter and milk, then stirred in a big spoonful of pesto so it was marbled rather than mixed in. 

A few minutes later, he was carrying the plates over to the table, calling for Emily and Anthony. He hurried back and grabbed the last plate and the cutlery, going to the table once more just as Anthony helped Emily into her chair. 

He flashed Azra a smile and sat down, looking down at his dinner. "This smells divine." 

Azra sighed, sitting down across from him and passing out the cutlery before taking Emily's plate and starting to cut up the sausages into bite-sized pieces. "Thanks, the only thing I really cooked was the potatoes, though." 

"Even so, thank you for making it," Anthony answered firmly, and Azra blushed, pushing Emily's plate back towards her. 

"You're welcome. Em, you have to eat all your corn, okay?" 

Emily nodded and Azra finally started to eat, trying not to look at Anthony too often. He could still feel that nervous energy like a second pulse, and he felt that he had to do something to dispel it, but he had no idea what that something was. 

Once dinner was finished, Azra herded Emily into the living room while Anthony washed the dishes. He got her to tidy up all of the arts and crafts supplies, then put an episode of her favourite cartoon on, so he could have a break. As soon as he sat down, though, Emily climbed into his lap, and he gave a soft sigh before hugging her tightly. 

"You okay, love?" Azra asked gently, and she nodded, watching the TV with intense focus. He reached up and gently pulled her thumb out of her mouth, then kissed the side of her head and settled back into the couch cushions. He loved quiet moments with his daughter, where he could relax and just enjoy her company. As much as he liked playing with her and all the loud, messy games, it was nice to just cuddle sometimes. 

After a few minutes, Anthony wandered in from the kitchen, sitting down beside Azra and glancing at him. Azra managed a small smile, and Anthony returned it, reaching out to rub Emily's shoulder lightly. She shifted slightly, but didn't react, enthralled by the TV. 

Azra rolled his eyes and Anthony chuckled, folding his hands in his lap instead and just watching the TV along with Emily. 

Once the episode was finished, Azra let the next one run, but about halfway through, Emily began to drift off, her head nodding slightly, her grip on his arm loosening. He paused the TV and stood up, lifting her up with him and holding her against his chest.

"Hey! I wanna watch the end!" She whined sleepily, and Azra sighed, rubbing her back slowly. 

"You won't anyway, because you'll be asleep, love," he said gently, starting toward the stairs and she sighed and relaxed into his arms. "You can watch it tomorrow, I promise." 

Emily seemed satisfied with this, and got ready for bed obediently, brushing her teeth and letting Azra help her into her pajamas. Then he tucked her into bed and picked out a story, about to open the book when she spoke up, her voice still a little sleepy. 

"Daddy?" 

"Yes, love?" He asked, leaning over her so his elbow was resting on the bed on the other side of her body, his hand on her chest. She picked up his hand carefully, playing with his fingers as her sharp, curious blue eyes fixed on him. 

"Is Anthony my other daddy?" 

Azra nearly choked, but managed to keep his composure. "No, darling, your other daddy's name was Gabriel," he said softly, and she nodded. 

"So what do I call him?" 

"He's my friend," Azra murmured, that feeling stirring in his chest again, hot and thrumming, needy. 

Emily blinked at him for a moment. "You mean your boyfriend? You hug a lot and he looks at you like Newt looks at Auntie Ana, and they're married." 

Azra swallowed hard, struggling to keep himself calm as he reached up, stroking his daughter's hair slowly. "He's not, my love. But maybe one day, yeah? I like him a lot, but we're not ready to be boyfriends yet. And if I did marry him, he'd be your stepdad, not your other daddy. Not that I'm going to, it's just for the sake of you learning a new word, okay?" 

Emily nodded seriously, and Azra let out a slow breath. "How would me and Anthony being boyfriends make you feel?" He asked gently, and she thought for a moment before answering, a smile on her face.

"I like him, he's fun. And all my friends at school have two parents, aren't you lonely without another parent? Anthony could make you not lonely."

Azra felt the tears welling up and blinked a few times quickly, leaning over to stroke Emily's cheek lightly. "He could, darling, that's true. How about this book now?"

* * *

Once Emily was finally asleep, Azra wandered downstairs slowly, feeling a bit numb. His hands were shaking slightly, and as he walked into the living room, Anthony looked up from his phone, golden-brown eyes going from pleased to worried in just a moment. 

"Azra? You look upset, everything okay?" He asked, and Azra took a deep, shuddering breath before sitting down beside him slowly, stiffly. 

"Emily asked if we were dating," he said softly, and Anthony tensed, his eyes going wide. 

"What...what did you say?" He asked, his voice barely above a whisper. Azra hesitated, his gaze flickering down to the alpha's lips before dragging back up again. 

"I said maybe one day," he admitted quietly, then forced a small smile. "I taught her a new word. Stepdad." 

Anthony's eyebrows quirked up, his eyes suddenly shiny, and his hand finding Azra's cheek. For a split second, Azra was uncertain, and then that second pulse was back, driving him forward, telling him that yes, this was what he was supposed to be doing, this was what he needed. He was falling, and he fell a little faster, Anthony's breath warm on his face. 

Their lips brushed together, Azra's trembling slightly, and then connected in the softest of kisses, one of Anthony's hands sliding into Azra's hair, the other remaining on his cheek. Azra relaxed into it almost immediately, his fingers curling in Anthony's shirt, his body leaning in, moving closer as their lips worked together, drawing a little deeper. Then Azra was breaking away, gasping softly, panic suddenly jolting through him as he realised what he'd done. 

He lifted a hand to his lips, fingertips brushing over his skin, just as salty tears spilled down his cheeks. 

"Azra, sweetheart, it's alright-" 

But the voice was distant and a little muffled, and suddenly he didn't feel the same. The room was dark and empty, cold concrete under his bare knees, his hands bound behind his back. A figure loomed out of the gloom in front of him, Gabriel's twisted smile even wider than usual as he tossed and twirled a knife in his hand. Then he leaned down, jerking Azra into a rough kiss, just as- 

Hands ran over his arms, massaging lightly, and the voice, louder now, was coming back to him. 

"Azra, take a deep breath, it's okay. It's just me," Anthony was saying, his hands moving to Azra's cheeks, wiping his tears as he suddenly broke down sobbing. Trembling, heaving for breath, he collapsed into Anthony's arms, each cry making his whole body shudder and shake. 

"I've got you, sweetheart. It's okay, it's alright. I'm here," Anthony murmured over and over, stroking Azra's hair with a shaky hand, his other arm wrapped tight around the omega's plump waist. The panic was overwhelming, but he could feel anger too, anger that Gabriel had taken even this away from him - what should have been such a special, caring moment. And there was grief as well, for his old self, for the young man who had had to go through so much abuse, so much pain to get to this point. 

But buried underneath all of that was just an ounce of hope, a prayer that this would be different. That Anthony, holding him so tenderly, would be different, and they could kiss and kiss until he didn't have flashbacks, until he didn't panic. 

"I'm here, sweetheart. Nothing's going to happen," Anthony soothed, rocking Azra ever so slightly as he finally began to calm himself down, taking deep, gasping breaths and relaxing slowly. Eventually, he went limp in the alpha's grasp, exhausted in every way, feeling rather washed out after so many emotions. 

Anthony squeezed him tighter, a hand running through his hair, and Azra slowly sat back, his cheeks flushing as he looked down in shame. 

"I...I'm sorry," he mumbled, lifting his gaze tentatively and blinking in shock when he saw the tear trails on Anthony's cheeks. "You.." 

Anthony smiled sadly and nodded slightly, reaching out to cup Azra's jaw in one hand, his touch so light and gentle. 

"Yeah, I'm okay," he said softly, his smile becoming a little wider, more sincere. "I just miss Ben, that's all. I always will, but I'm letting go now, and it's just a bit emotional. I'll be fine, I promise." 

Azra nodded, leaning forward again and pulling Anthony into a tight hug, burying his face in that soft red hair. "I understand," he murmured, and Anthony hugged him back tightly, letting out a long breath. "I'm here now." 

"I know you are," Anthony smiled, and Azra let his eyes slip closed, his body relaxing into the relief that Anthony was emotional as well, and it wasn't just him having a cry over their first kiss. 

After a while, Anthony took a deep breath and gently began to pull away from the embrace, but Azra leaned in before he could go too far, the kiss beginning tentatively, but quickly deepening. It stayed slow and soft, their hands drifting over one another as they expressed their desire and their tenderness all in one go. Azra felt soft touches on his neck, jaw, cheek, and couldn't understand how good they felt.  He'd never been touched so carefully, so - dare he think it? -  _ lovingly  _ before. It almost made him want to cry all over again, but instead he broke away, giggling softly as he curled up against Anthony, burying his face in that warm chest. Anthony chuckled and rearranged some pillows, leaning back against the arm of the sofa so he was sitting sideways on the couch, gently guiding Azra to sit between his legs, leaning on his chest. Azra let out a contented sigh and closed his eyes as Anthony's arms slipped around him, strong and protective. 

"Is this 'one day?'" Anthony asked after a moment or two, his tone half-joking, and Azra chuckled, grabbing a blanket from the back of the sofa and pulling it over the both of them as he settled back comfortably. 

"Maybe." 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! Hope you enjoyed this chapter! I know it was a bit intense, but they've finally kissed for the first time! (thank God)  
> Also I'm about halfway through chapter 29 and I'd just like to point out that I intended this to be a short project and I still have at least like...10 chapters left to go? I'm not even sure how many at this point, but a lot anyway. So buckle up, this is going to take a while lol   
> Anyway, let me know what you thought of this one! <3<3


	10. Chapter Ten

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter contains: struggles with eating disorders, discussion of grief, and intrusive thoughts.

The next morning, Azra got up when his alarm went off, but instead of going directly to Emily's room to wake her, he went downstairs first, slipping into the living room. 

Anthony was fast asleep on the sofa, the blanket pulled up around him, his bright hair messy on the pillow. Azra smiled to himself, softening slightly as he remembered the night before, taking in the cosy sight for a few seconds. Then he finally stepped forward and crouched down by Anthony's shoulder, running his hand over his side. 

"Anthony?" 

The alpha stirred slightly, his brow furrowing as he let out a soft sigh. He went still again and Azra bit his lip, suddenly nervous as he reached out slowly, shaking his shoulder as gently as he could. 

This time, those beautiful brown eyes opened slowly, full of sleep, but brightening as soon as they focused on Azra. 

"Morning," Azra smiled softly, and Anthony grinned, reaching out to stroke his cheek lightly. Azra turned his head into the touch slightly, leaning against the sofa to take some of the weight off his legs. "I have to get Emily up for school, but my shifts got moved around, so I have the day off today," he announced, and Anthony nodded, stifling a yawn. 

"Alright. I'll get up and make some breakfast." 

"You don't have to-" Azra tried to say, but Anthony interrupted him gently, his smile gentle and caring. 

"I know, but I want to help. Now go get her up so I can get dressed." 

Azra nodded slightly, getting up quickly and hurrying upstairs. He woke Emily and got her dressed and ready in about ten minutes, then suddenly realised he had no idea how she'd react to Anthony being in the house so early. 

He took a breath and led her downstairs slowly, holding her hand as he walked her into the kitchen. Anthony looked up from what he was doing and Emily giggled, throwing herself at him and hugging his legs tightly.

"Anthony!" She squealed, and he laughed, reaching down to stroke her hair gently. 

"Good morning, little one. You hungry?" 

"Hungry!" She shouted in response and Anthony stroked her hair before going back to what he was doing. 

"Are you going to say please?" Azra prompted, and Emily glanced at him, then nodded. 

"Please?" 

Anthony shot Azra an amused glance, shaking his head slightly. "Please what?" 

"Please may I have some breakfast?" Emily managed after just a moment or two of thought, and Azra grinned as Anthony nodded. 

"Much better, but you'll have to wait just a bit longer, okay? I'm making french toast." 

"French toast!" Emily giggled, and Azra leaned down, gently pulling her away from Anthony's legs. 

"Why don't you go set the table, love?" 

He watched her bounce off and moved a little closer to Anthony, watching as he dipped a slice of bread and dropped it into the hot pan. 

"You need something?" Anthony teased gently, and Azra smiled, his chest feeling warm and tight as he watched Anthony dip another slice. 

"I wouldn't mind a kiss," he said softly, as if he couldn't really care less, but just thought it might be nice. Anthony chuckled, bumping Azra's shoulder with his own lightly. 

"Yeah? You wouldn't mind?" 

"No, I'd actually quite like it," Azra giggled, and Anthony turned, gently grabbing his chin, his fingertips pressing into Azra's skin lightly as he kissed him. 

Azra's eyelids fluttered closed, a small sigh escaping his lungs as he leaned into the contact, treasuring the softness of Anthony's touches. And then there were quiet footsteps and Anthony was pulling away hurriedly, clearing his throat as he turned his attention to the pan quickly, his cheeks on fire. 

Emily marched in, carrying a plate in both hands. "Daddy?" 

"Yes, love?" Azra smiled, trying not to laugh as he felt the blush creeping over his own cheeks. 

"This plate has a crack in!" She pouted, showing it to him. He took it carefully, then shook his head slightly and handed it back. 

"It's just a scratch, Em, we can use it." 

"Okay, I'll go finish," she announced, then stomped off. As soon as she was out of sight, Anthony was gently grabbing at Azra, pulling him close and leaning in slowly. Azra giggled, refusing to lean in, but letting his eyes slip closed as Anthony rested a hand on his cheek. Finally, he felt lips on his, and kissed back eagerly, smiling into it as Anthony pulled him even closer, his touch gentle and not too commanding. 

Azra was the first to break away, giggling again as he pushed at Anthony's chest lightly. "You'll burn the toast!" He grinned, and Anthony rolled his eyes, waving the spatula at him. 

"You don't have enough faith in my abilities," he scolded jokingly, and Azra leaned the side of his hip against the counter, basking in the warmth of his happiness. He'd never had such a tender, easy, enjoyable domestic morning before, and it was overwhelmingly sweet. He wanted to stay there forever, spend the rest of his life in this lovely first morning with Anthony. 

"Maybe not," Azra smiled, pushing away from the counter and walking over to the cupboard. He got a box of cereal down from the shelf, then got the milk from the fridge. 

As he poured himself a bowl, he could feel Anthony's gaze on him, and looked up to see disappointment in his eyes. Azra's heart dropped like a stone, despite Anthony's quick, reassuring smile, and he felt as if something had shattered, fear suddenly curling through him. 

"I-I'm sorry, I just-" he stammered hurriedly, but Anthony had already set the spatula down and was pulling him into a gentle embrace. 

"It's okay, I understand. It's alright," the alpha soothed, and Azra buried his face in that familiar shoulder, feeling like crying as his fingers curled in Anthony's shirt, clinging to him. "Don't be upset, Azra, it's okay. I'm not offended, sweetheart." 

Azra pulled away fairly quickly, knowing that the longer he stayed wrapped up in Anthony's arms, listening to his soft assurances, the more likely it was that he'd end up crying. Anthony's hand fell from his hair, fingers catching ever so slightly in his curls. 

"You okay?" 

"Yeah, yeah...I just.." Azra took a deep breath, trying not to look into those sympathetic, worried eyes. "I'm okay, I promise." 

Anthony nodded, turning back to the pan, and Azra tried to keep breathing evenly, feeling rather sick. He wanted desperately for it to be normal again, for it to be fun and exciting and sweet and easy, but he'd ruined it. He felt like crying and screaming and throwing the bowl at the wall, but instead he just silently carried the bowl of cereal and the milk over to the dining table, setting it down. Emily was sitting at the table patiently, so he ruffled her hair and wandered back to the kitchen, his whole body feeling heavy and uncomfortable. 

Anthony looked up and flashed him a smile that caused a tiny little spark of hope to flutter in his chest. "Should I make some coffee?" 

Azra moved closer to him, his hand brushing over the alpha's back lightly as he came to stand beside him. "I don't drink coffee, usually. But thank you." 

Anthony nodded and kissed his cheek casually, as if it was the most natural thing in the world. "Alright. You can go sit down if you like, I'll only be a minute or two."

"Are you sure?" Azra asked softly, not used to having things done for him. "I can help, honestly." 

Anthony rolled his eyes, gently pushing at Azra's arm. "Go, really. I just have to wait for this batch to cook and bring it in." 

"Okay, I'll go," Azra smiled, feeling Anthony's hand slipping from his skin as he turned and walked off. He sat down next to Emily and shot her a bright smile. 

"Are you excited for school today?" 

"Yep. Show and tell today!" She grinned, and Azra nodded, reaching over to stroke her hair lightly. 

"You're taking that seashell we found, yeah?" 

"Yep," Emily nodded, swinging her legs under the table and grinning when Anthony walked in with a plate. "French toast!" 

Anthony chuckled and set the plate down in the middle of the table, dishing a couple of slices onto Emily's plate and then onto his. Azra tried not to look at him while he poured milk onto his cereal, but he could tell that, even if Anthony wasn't looking at him, he definitely noticed. 

And then Azra looked up, and Anthony was smiling as he sat down across from him, his gaze fond and gentle. 

"Whoa," he said quickly, grabbing the syrup just as Emily reached out. "That's heavy, little one, let me," he went on, taking the top off the bottle and helping Emily pour it over her french toast. Azra swallowed, trying not to think about how perfect he was with her, how much she was smiling as she thanked him. He didn't want to think about it too much, he didn't want to get overwhelmed or start planning too far in the future - he knew that could be dangerous. 

Instead, he just smiled and encouraged Emily to eat sensibly, using her knife and fork correctly and sitting still throughout breakfast. 

Once she was done, he helped her up and over to the door, tying her shoes for her and herding her out to the car. 

Dropping her at school only took about twenty minutes, and he was back quite quickly, slipping into the house to find Anthony waiting for him in the living room. Azra slowly sat down beside him, and Anthony flashed him a bright smile. 

"You looked worried, is everything okay?" 

Azra swallowed, then took a deep breath and nodded. "Yeah, I just...we need to talk about stuff. About...us, I guess." 

Anthony nodded and reached over, gently taking one of Azra's hands and holding it tightly. "I agree. With your issues...well,  _ our  _ issues, we need to have clear boundaries and expectations." 

Ducking his head, Azra nodded again, looking down at their hands. "I'm...I'm really glad you kissed me," he admitted quietly, and Anthony squeezed his hand gently. 

"Me too." 

Azra chuckled nervously, leaning into Anthony slightly, but not yet looking up. "I'm terrified, I know you know that. All of this is... _ God,  _ I just wish I was normal," he muttered, but Anthony pulled him a little closer, rubbing his back with his spare hand. 

"Hey, it's alright. I understand, and you are normal, sweetheart." 

Azra sighed, but didn't argue, relaxing slightly when Anthony's arm slid around his waist. He took a deep breath, trying to shove down the rising shame and embarrassment. "I...I want to...to be together, but I think a definitive label would be too much for me right now. Just for now, you know? Until I get a bit more used to it." 

Anthony nodded and simply pulled him closer, rubbing his side slowly and squeezing his hand. "Sure, if that's what you need. I'm not really in any kind of rush," he murmured, kissing the side of Azra's head lightly. "I care about you so much, you know." 

Azra felt the blush creeping up his cheeks and turned his face into Anthony's neck, pressing himself even closer to him. "I care about you too," he said softly, and Anthony squeezed him tighter in response, nuzzling the side of his head. Silence fell for a moment or two while Azra struggled to formulate the question niggling at the back of his mind. He didn't want it to sound accusing or intrusive, and he was overthinking every little word. 

"How...how are you feeling about things with uh...with Ben?" He forced out after a few moments, and winced when Anthony shifted slightly. 

"Um," he began softly, then shook his head slightly. "I'm doing okay. I was a bit sad last night, but I'm feeling better this morning. I don't want you to think that I...that I will always be comparing you to him or that I'll...I'll be missing him constantly...I just…" he trailed off, sighing deeply, then pulled Azra just a tad closer. "I'm letting go, but it's going to be a process. It's going to take time, in the same way that you learning to trust me with every new step we take will take time. We just have to be a bit patient with each other." 

Azra smiled slightly, changing his position so he was curled up against Anthony's side, feeling protected and warm in his grasp. "I think we can manage that," he murmured, and Anthony nodded, tracing circles into Azra's side with his fingertips. 

"Can I ask you something?" 

Azra nodded, letting out a soft, contented sigh as he closed his eyes comfortably. "Mhm." 

"I um...I know this sounds really premature to be considering, but...but I'm really serious about you. I've never met anyone, apart from Ben, who made me feel the way seeing you and being around you makes me feel. And I have always, always wanted kids of my own.." he began softly, and Azra smiled to himself, turning his face into Anthony's chest. "I don't want you to feel pressured or anything, it's just a discussion for now, obviously. But would you be up for having another baby?" 

Azra let go of Anthony's hand to hug his waist instead, a smile playing at his lips. "I always wanted two kids," he admitted softly. "But I knew I could never manage on my own. And um...well, I have to come off hormones to carry a baby, and so it's...a bit of a bigger decision now, you know? I'd need help and support dealing with the fact that I'm not on hormones as well as being pregnant." 

Anthony nodded, squeezing him a little tighter. "I'd help you," he said quietly, his voice so matter of fact and certain that it nearly brought tears to Azra's eyes. He leaned up quickly and gently pulled Anthony into a soft kiss, feeling him tense in surprise before melting into the contact, practically pulling Azra into his lap as he deepened the kiss slightly. Azra smiled into it, but pulled away first, nuzzling at Anthony's jaw and cuddling even closer. 

Silence fell for a while, easy and comforting, textured by the sounds of their breathing and Anthony's heartbeat resonating through his chest. Azra let his eyes close up after a minute or two, just basking in the simple, yet amazing fact that he was curled up on the sofa with an alpha, happy and no longer scared. The fact that it was Anthony - someone that he truly liked, that he thought was kind and gentle and so, so sweet - was even better, and he couldn't stop thinking about how far he'd managed to get in such a short time thanks to Anthony. 

After a while, Azra's thoughts were interrupted by his pillow starting to move, Anthony's position shifting slightly as he checked his watch. 

"Fuck," he muttered, then carefully began to disentangle himself from Azra. "I have to go, I have a meeting at the university." 

Azra blinked, then nodded slightly, letting out a quiet sigh. "Okay." He let Anthony get up, watching him with his heart sunk into his stomach. He wanted to gently grab him back, to kiss him, to beg him to stay and cuddle Azra for the rest of the day, but the thought of it frightened him. 

Azra winced internally, the harsh reminder that however far he'd come, he still had a long way to go slapping him across the face. He didn't want to ask Anthony to stay in case he got angry. After all, Gabriel had always said that no one likes clingy. 

Apparently noticing something was off, but not quite knowing what, Anthony leaned down, cupping Azra's jaw in his hands and gently tilting his head back so those blue eyes fixed on his. 

"Hey. You look worried, is everything alright?" 

Azra swallowed and nodded, taking a slow breath. "Yeah, just...just thinking," he said softly, throwing in a rather unconvincing smile. Anthony didn't pry, however, simply leaning in and pressing a gentle kiss to the corner of his lips. Azra turned his head towards him hurriedly, and Anthony chuckled before kissing him properly, gently pulling him to his feet and wrapping an arm around his waist tightly. 

Immediately pressing himself into Anthony's chest, Azra drew the kiss a little deeper, his fingers sliding up into Anthony's hair and curling in the soft strands. It was over far too soon, Anthony gently pulling away, his lips sliding from Azra's, but that smile almost made up for it. Golden eyes lit up, soft and caring, and Azra only had a moment to cherish Anthony's joyful expression before he was pulled into a gentle, yet tight hug, so very comfortable and perfect. He pressed his face into Anthony's shoulder, his fingers curling against his back, and they just stood in silence, feeling one another and enjoying each other's presence. 

And then Anthony was pulling away and apologising, saying something about being late, and Azra just nodded, letting go of him reluctantly. Anthony hesitated, then kissed his cheek softly, stroking his curls back from his face carefully. 

"Hey. I'll call you tonight, yeah? See how you're doing. And maybe see you soon?"

Azra nodded slightly and Anthony's worried expression didn't change, his hand closing around Azra's as he headed for the door, gently pulling the omega after him. He crouched down to put his shoes on, moving quickly before straightening up and grabbing his coat and keys. 

Azra stared at the floor, his heart pounding. He knew Anthony could tell he was upset, that he didn't want him to go, and he didn't like it. He didn't want Anthony to see him as clingy or annoying or needy, because he didn't want him to start resenting Azra.

_ This is all your fault. Maybe if you weren't so fucking needy, I'd get some time to myself, and I wouldn't be losing my temper. Maybe you deserve this, maybe you need to learn your lesson. _

"Azra?" 

Azra mentally shook himself, forcing a smile. Anthony was watching him, and took a step closer. Without thinking, Azra stepped back and a hurt expression passed across the alpha's face. 

"I-I'm sorry!" Azra choked out, and Anthony winced, reaching out slowly and gently catching Azra's sleeve. 

"It's alright, sweetheart, it's okay. What's upsetting you? Did I do something?" Anthony asked, an undertone of urgency to his voice, although he seemed calm. 

Azra swallowed hard, suddenly feeling the tears pricking at his eyes, welling up as he stood there, shaking. "I...I don't want you to hate me because I'm clingy," he forced himself to say, not quite feeling as if he was in his body anymore. 

A look of shock passed over Anthony's face, followed by a flash of anger, and then gentle, caring sympathy. "Oh, sweetheart, of course not," he soothed, stepping forward slowly and stroking one hand over Azra's hip. "I don't want to leave any more than you want me to go. I'm the clingiest person I know," he chuckled softly, and Azra stared up at him, the tears spilling over and running down his cheeks. Anthony brushed them away quickly, smiling sadly. "You're alright, okay? I really, really have to go, I'm so sorry, but I'll call you when I'm done, I promise. We'll talk about this a bit more, yeah?" 

Sniffling, Azra nodded slightly, and Anthony kissed his cheek tenderly. "I'll see you soon, sweetheart," he murmured, and then finally tore himself away, slipping out of the door and closing it behind him. 

Anger flared in Azra's chest, once again directed at Gabriel for taking so much from him. He felt completely incapable of having a normal relationship, so scarred and twisted by Gabriel's expectations. But there was comfort there, in Anthony's insistence. He wanted to make it work just as much as Azra did, and that gave the omega just enough hope to keep trying. 

Eventually, Azra forced himself to stop thinking and turned away from the door, heading back to the living room to write a text to Anathema, telling her that he would be able to meet for lunch after all. 

* * *

About an hour later, Azra was walking into Anathema's house, slipping his shoes off and being pulled into a tight hug. 

"I'm so glad you could make it," Anathema murmured, and Azra buried his face in her hair, letting out a happy sigh. 

"Me too," he answered softly, and she pulled away gently, stroking his cheek lightly. 

"You look upset," she commented bluntly, and Azra sighed, then shrugged. 

"Anthony stayed over on the couch last night. We had a really nice chat and stuff, and then he had to leave in a rush and I had a bit of an issue. It's mostly okay now, it's just...it's hard to stop thinking about," he answered quietly, and Anathema nodded. 

"I can understand that. How about we go see if Newt needs any help with lunch? Might take your mind off things." 

Azra smiled, letting out a deep breath as he relaxed. "Yeah, that sounds good." 

* * *

Azra spent the rest of the afternoon helping with lunch and then eating with his friends, enjoying the fact that all he had to do was relax. He didn't have to think about Emily or Anthony, he could just joke around and eat some nice food. 

He was just getting ready to go home when his phone rang, so he stepped out of the living room and leaned against the wall in the hallway before answering. 

"Hey," he said softly, and smiled to himself. 

"Hey sweetheart, how's it going? I've just finished my meeting," Anthony said brightly, a smile in his voice as he spoke.

"Yeah, I'm good. I had lunch with Anathema and Newt," Azra hummed, glancing toward the living room door and ignoring the light blush rising to his cheeks. 

"Good. I just wanted to check on you, I said I would," Anthony answered in a gentle tone. "Are you feeling any better?"

"Yeah, a lot actually," Azra murmured, surprising himself with how true those words were. "I think it was just...a lot in that moment, you know? And now that I'm out of the situation, I have space to calm down and think a bit more." 

"Yeah, I can understand that. Don't worry about coming across as clingy or anything, okay? I love spending time with you and it makes me happy that you want to spend time with me," Anthony insisted softly, and Azra couldn't keep the smile off his face as his cheeks burned. 

"Thank you," he answered quietly, and Anthony gave a soft sigh. 

"I have to go again, I'm afraid, but...look, do you want to go to the cinema this week? We could get dinner and-"

"Yes," Azra blurted out quickly, then bit his lip as he smiled. "Please. I'd like that." 

"Good," Anthony chuckled softly, although there was a touch of relief to his voice. "Take a look at what's on and text me, okay?"

"Okay. I'll see you soon," Azra murmured, blushing even darker when he saw Anathema walking out of the living room and shooting him a meaningful smile. He flipped her off jokingly and she just laughed, heading into the kitchen. 

"Yeah, it'll be good," Anthony answered, sounding as if he wanted to say more. "Bye." 

"Bye," Azra mumbled, and waited for him to hang up before slipping his phone away and just staring at the floor for a moment, relishing the warm feeling in his chest. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, I hope you liked this chapter! I'm sorry it's a bit shorter than it's meant to be, but I'm having a really crappy week so far and I really didn't feel like filling in the gaps I'd left with a whole lot of text.   
> At least the next chapter is very intense and very sweet, so you have a lot to look forward to!   
> <3


	11. Chapter Eleven

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter contains: discussion of eating disorders, past drugging, starvation, rape; discussion of past late-term miscarriage; discussion of scars and their origins.   
> There is a lot of comfort in this chapter, but if you're worried about any of the warnings, feel free to message me (info in my profile)!

Azra felt fingers sliding between his, Anthony's hand squeezing his gently. He looked up into that familiar soft smile and returned it, stroking his thumb along Anthony's hand lightly. 

They'd just left the cinema after seeing a rather awful, but enjoyable romcom, and were walking down the high street together, cold hands intertwined. 

"Are you hungry?" Anthony asked softly, and Azra smiled to himself, leaning his head against his companion's shoulder briefly. 

"Always," he joked quietly, and Anthony chuckled, gently pulling him to the side of the pavement so they could stop without getting in the way of any passersby. Azra immediately pressed himself into that warm chest, snuggling into Anthony's thick coat to escape the freezing wind. Anthony simply hugged him tightly, pressing a kiss to the side of his head. 

"Where should we get food?" 

"I don't mind," Azra murmured, sliding his hands under Anthony's coat to warm up against his back. "We should probably get back fairly soon, though." 

Anthony nodded, squeezing Azra closer ever so gently. "How about McDonald's? It's quick and cheap." 

Azra stiffened and shook his head quickly, his fingertips digging into Anthony's back. "N-no, I...I can't- I mean, I don't like it," he rushed out, and Anthony nuzzled the side of his head soothingly. 

"Hey, it's alright. Where else do you like to go, sweetheart?" He asked softly, and Azra relaxed somewhat, pushing the memories aside to focus on Anthony's warmth and careful embrace. 

"I like Five Guys," he mumbled, and Anthony nodded, squeezing him once more before starting to pull away ever so gently. 

"So do I, let's go," he smiled, and Azra felt his worry drop away completely, his hand slipping back into Anthony's easily. Silence fell for a moment or two while they walked, and then Anthony spoke up, his voice quiet and a little nervous. 

"Can I ask why you don't like McDonald's?" 

Azra nearly stopped walking, his fingers tightening around Anthony's as shock bolted down his spine. "Um.." 

"You don't have to answer," Anthony said quickly, and Azra shook his head slightly, pressing himself closer to the alpha, cowering away from someone who walked past. 

"Maybe later," he mumbled, and Anthony let go of his hand quickly, wrapping an arm around his waist instead. 

"Alright, sweetheart. Sorry, I didn't mean to-" 

"It's fine, not your fault," Azra interrupted quietly, and Anthony sighed, but didn't say anything. 

The silence between them remained unbroken until they arrived at the restaurant. They both ordered and paid separately, then sat down in a booth in the corner, away from most of the other diners. 

Azra glanced around nervously, and felt a hand on his, his head turning sharply to look at Anthony. 

"Hey, it's alright," Anthony soothed quickly, leaning over the table to stroke his cheek lightly. "It's okay. I'm here, I won't let anything happen to you, yeah?" 

Azra let out a slow breath, his body relaxing as he turned his head into the touch, his eyes slipping closed. He focused on the feeling of Anthony's skin on his, trying to let go of the memories crowding his mind. The hand slipped away and Azra opened his eyes, startled, but Anthony was already moving around, sitting down next to him and pulling him into a hug. Trembling ever so slightly, Azra buried himself in those welcoming arms, apologising shakily for everything.

"Don't be sorry, honey, it's alright," Anthony murmured, interrupting him gently and rocking him ever so slightly. "Take deep breaths. I'm right here, it's alright. Everything's alright, I promise." 

Azra nodded slightly, finally managing to relax fully, his body melting against Anthony's, enjoying his protective touch. A number was called and Anthony glanced at his receipt, then sighed softly.

"I'll be right back, okay?" 

Azra nodded, watching intently as Anthony got up, walking over to the counter just as Azra's number was called as well. He picked up both bags and headed back over to the table, sitting down next to him again. 

"Here you go, sweetheart." 

Azra thanked him softly, a bit embarrassed as he began to eat, his fingers shaking ever so slightly. He just wanted to get home, to curl up under warm blankets and press himself into Anthony's arms until he forgot that they were two people. He wanted to forget who he was. 

Anthony tried to talk to him about the movie, about Emily, but he was just too exhausted to keep a proper conversation. He did his best, but his answers were short and he couldn't come up with questions to ask Anthony in return. 

It didn't seem to take long for the alpha to figure this out, and he stopped trying, instead just resting one hand on Azra's leg while he ate, stroking over his thigh just above his knee. 

Once they were finally finished, they walked back to the car and headed home, Azra leaning his head on the window sleepily while Anthony drove. 

And then they were in the driveway and Anthony's hand was on his shoulder. Azra glanced at him, then looked down at his lap, suddenly feeling like crying again. 

"I'm sorry I upset you, Azra, I-" 

"It's fine, it's not your fault," Azra said quickly, taking a deep breath. "I do trust you with a lot of things now. But a lot of things that I don't mind telling you are still things that I haven't ever told anyone else. I don't like McDonald's because Gabriel would use it to drug me fairly often, as well as his own cooking. He would lock me away with nothing to eat for days and then only give me drugged food. I could either eat it and deal with the consequences or starve, and I still can't eat McDonald's, it makes me feel sick," he went on bluntly, taking deep breaths and ignoring the tears welling up. "I've never told anyone that, not even Anathema, just because I don't want to upset her. It's...it's awful, but it's not your fault," Azra murmured, finally looking up at Anthony and blinking in surprise when he saw the tears in those golden eyes. "And you had no way of knowing." 

Anthony took a deep breath, then leaned across the car and kissed Azra's trembling lips ever so softly before pressing his forehead to the omega's. "I think if I ever saw Gabriel in person, I'd be arrested for murder," he said softly, his voice shaking slightly as he stroked Azra's hair gently. "I'm so sorry you went through that, sweetheart. I won't...I wouldn't.." he trailed off, his voice choked and thick, and Azra kissed his cheek softly.

"I know," he said simply, then leaned back in his seat and smiled sadly. "Come inside, please? I...I don't want to sleep by myself tonight." 

Anthony returned the smile, nodding slightly. "Of course, sweetheart." 

Azra sighed softly and got out of the car, fumbling with his keys as he headed up the path. He unlocked the door and slipped through, followed by Anthony, who began to take his shoes off hurriedly. Azra kicked his own off and wandered into the living room, where Anathema was watching TV. She smiled up at him, reaching out for his hands. 

"Hey, hon. You look upset, is everything alright? He didn't try anything, did he?" 

Azra winced and managed a small smile. "He's here, Anathema. And no, I'm just a bit...I had a bit of a bad day." 

Anathema nodded sympathetically and stood up, pulling Azra into a hug that he reciprocated gratefully. "Emily's in bed, she's all sorted. She went down about an hour ago." 

"Thank you," Azra mumbled, just as Anthony walked into the living room, looking a bit awkward. Anathema pulled away from Azra and smiled at him, waving a finger jokingly. 

"You'd better be good to him, I have your phone number," she grinned, and Anthony chuckled, looking past her to Azra, his eyes softening. 

"No worries, he's in good hands." 

Once Anathema had left, Anthony gently began herding Azra towards the stairs. 

"You look exhausted, sweetheart, I think you need to be in bed," he murmured, and Azra's heart sank, his plans of cuddling up with his companion dashed. But then he realised something and took Anthony's hand, silently leading him all the way upstairs and into his bedroom. Anthony stared at him for a moment, then smiled and pulled him into a brief, soft kiss. 

"Are you sure?" 

Azra nodded, letting go of his hand to shut the door behind them quietly. "I need a cuddle." 

Anthony smiled softly and stroked Azra's cheek, his touch delicate and warm. "Well, luckily for you, I happen to be an expert," he joked softly, and Azra smiled, a burst of emotion ripping through his chest: joy and sadness in equal measure. He turned away quickly, grabbing his pajamas off the dresser and taking a deep breath. 

"You brought your meds like last time, right?" He asked quickly, and when Anthony nodded, Azra flashed a brief smile. "I'm going to get changed," he announced, then slipped into the ensuite before Anthony could say anything. 

Once inside, he sat down on the floor and stared at nothing for a while, his body trembling slightly. He wanted this, he wanted to fall asleep and wake up with Anthony, he wanted to curl up in his arms and just sleep. But part of him was still terrified, and he knew it would be there every time they did something new. It was frustrating, knowing that he wanted to throw himself into their relationship wholeheartedly, but simply couldn't. 

A knock on the door made him jump and he looked up sharply. 

"Azra? Are you okay, hon? You've been in there for almost ten minutes," Anthony called softly, and Azra winced, dragging his hands down his face. 

"Sorry, I won't be long," he answered quietly, squeezing his eyes shut for a moment before heaving himself up off the floor. He changed quickly, then slipped out of the bathroom, his cheeks bright red. Anthony smiled at him from the edge of the bed, his eyes worried, his posture slightly tense. 

"Everything alright?" He asked gently, and Azra nodded, dropping his clothes into the laundry basket and noticing that Anthony had changed into a borrowed and rather baggy set of Azra's pajamas. 

"Yeah, I was just thinking and lost track of time," he mumbled, going over to sit next to Anthony and looking down at his hands. "I'm sorry for being such a fucking mess." 

Anthony let out a soft sigh and wrapped an arm around him gently. "It's not your fault, sweetheart. I know it's hard, but I'm never going to be upset with you for struggling, I'm only ever worried about you. I want to do my best to make you happy." 

Azra smiled shakily, feeling rather choked up again. "I think that's pretty much impossible." 

"You were happy the other day, when we had breakfast," Anthony pointed out gently, and Azra just shrugged. 

"Up until my eating issues ruined it." 

"They didn't ruin anything, Azra," Anthony soothed, sliding a hand into his soft blond curls. "Look at me, sweetheart." 

Azra looked up reluctantly, staring into those gentle eyes. 

"Please don't think that your issues ruin anything, okay? And I think maybe sometimes you read into things a bit too much. I wasn't upset by you not eating what I made, I promise you. I was worried about you and I was sad that you were scared, but I wasn't offended." 

Azra nodded slightly, taking a slow breath as he leaned into Anthony's side. "I guess I just assume everyone's mad at me all the time." 

Anthony smiled sadly and hugged him tightly, pressing a quick kiss to the side of his head. "Yeah, and that's understandable. I'll try to be more vocal about my feelings when I think you're worried about it. Maybe you could try asking me when you assume I'm angry? I can't always tell." 

"I'll try," Azra promised, and Anthony squeezed him a little tighter.

"Good. We'll both try. How about you get some rest now, though? You seem very tired." 

"I think I'm a bit too restless to sleep," Azra admitted softly, gently pulling away from Anthony's grip to stand up. "But I would like a cuddle." 

"That can certainly be arranged," Anthony smiled, getting into the bed and watching as Azra walked around to the other side. He climbed in under the covers and tried not to think too much about the fact that there was an alpha in his bed as he curled up beside him. 

"Has anyone ever told you how adorable you are?" Anthony chuckled, rolling onto his side and stroking Azra's cheek with the backs of his fingers. Azra smiled slightly, the gentle, soft touch dissipating some of his nerves. 

"No," he murmured, and Anthony smiled, kissing the tip of his nose lightly. 

"Well, you are. Very adorable," he grinned, and Azra tried to ignore the blush heating his cheeks. 

"Thank you," he mumbled, and Anthony nodded slightly, running the tips of his fingers over Azra's jaw. 

"Are you feeling a bit better?" 

"Yeah," Azra nodded, letting his eyes slip closed so he could focus on the feeling of Anthony's caring touches. "I just wish I didn't get upset so often." 

"I can understand that," Anthony sighed, shifting a little closer to his companion. "But give yourself some credit, sweetheart. You're doing amazing, you're constantly really far out of your comfort zone with me, and it's not surprising that you're on edge. I mean...I haven't told you this before, but sometimes being around Emily can make me upset. It's natural, when you're reminded of difficult things." 

Azra opened his eyes quickly, frowning slightly, and Anthony sighed, opening his hand against Azra's soft cheek. 

"Ben and I were trying for a baby, I think I told you that already. But I didn't tell you that he did get pregnant. We were all ready to have a baby girl, and there were complications. We lost her at about seven months, and by the time we recovered enough to consider trying again, Ben was too sick. I love Emily, she's a lovely kid, I really like being around her, but sometimes she reminds me that I lost my chance at having a baby with Ben, and that sometimes makes me sad. It's not a big deal, I just-" 

Azra grabbed at him gently, pulling him into a desperate, tight hug, burying his face in that beautiful red hair. "I'm so sorry, Anthony. I'm so sorry, I can't imagine how awful that was." 

Anthony hesitated, then squeezed Azra just as tight, nuzzling the omega's neck gently. "Thank you," he mumbled, and Azra clung to him gently, trying not to imagine how it would have felt to lose Emily after seven months. Anthony slid a hand into Azra's hair and gently began to pull away, smiling sadly as he settled back onto the pillow. 

"I'm okay now, just sad sometimes, you know? It's not like I think about it all the time," he murmured, and Azra nodded, stroking his knuckles down Anthony's cheek. 

"Yeah, I understand. I'm glad you like spending time with Emily, though, she really likes you," Azra said softly, and Anthony smiled at him, running a hand down his scarred forearm. 

"Good," he answered, and gently began to pull Azra close. Eager for the contact, Azra cuddled up to his chest quickly, tucking his head under the alpha's chin and slipping an arm around his thin waist. "I've got you, you're so brave," Anthony praised quietly, and Azra smiled, letting their legs tangle together as he tried to get even closer to Anthony's warmth. 

"Thank you," he mumbled, and felt that long-fingered hand in his hair, stroking slowly. 

"Well, it's just the truth," Anthony hummed, squeezing him even tighter. "Can I ask you something about Gabriel? You can say no, if you're too tired." 

Azra shifted slightly, thinking about this for a moment. Oddly enough, he felt safer wrapped up in Anthony's arms in bed than he had in years, that warm body tucked up against his, and the now-familiar alpha scent, cloying and yet so sweet and comforting. He let out a soft sigh and nodded slightly. "I feel okay. Ask away." 

"Did he ever um...make you do stuff with um...other people?" Anthony asked softly, and Azra took a breath, shoving the memories away as he clung to Anthony a little tighter. 

"Yes," he said simply, his fingers curling in the alpha's loose shirt. "That was usually why he drugged me." 

Anthony's jaw tightened, as did his grip on his companion, who simply pressed closer into him all over again. "Fuck that guy," Anthony muttered, and loosened his grip again ever so slightly. "I won't ever let anyone else touch you, I promise." 

"I know," Azra sighed softly, pressing his face against Anthony's chest and listening to the muffled sound of his heart beating, a little faster than Azra's own. "Thank you for saying it, though." 

"You're welcome," Anthony murmured, and Azra let his heavy eyelids finally slip closed, his body sinking into the mattress as he melted against his companion. 

* * *

Azra awoke with a warm body behind him, an arm wrapped loosely around his waist. Panic jolted through him, cold jaws biting down on his heart, just as the scent found him, soothing his mind and allowing him to relax again. 

He stirred slightly and Anthony grunted sleepily, pressing a kiss to his back. 

"Morning, sweetheart," he mumbled, and Azra took a breath before rolling over to face him. Anthony smiled at him sleepily and very gently pulled him into a deep kiss, their lips moving together easily, Anthony's hand wandering to Azra's well-padded hip. To his own surprise, Azra didn't mind the touch, but he was glad Anthony didn't go any further. After a moment or two, the alpha began to pull away, his hand cradling Azra's cheek delicately as their lips parted. Azra took a breath before opening his eyes, gazing into the beautiful gold in front of him. 

"Hi," he murmured, feeling the blush spread over his cheeks. "It's been a very long time since I last woke up next to someone," he admitted, and Anthony nodded, flashing him a bright, caring smile. 

"Me too, and it's even better than I remember." 

Azra smiled back, then cuddled up to him again, slipping his arm around the alpha as Anthony let out a happy sigh. The touches were wonderful, so soft and warm, soothing an ache that Azra had barely known he'd been feeling. He couldn't stop trying to get closer, his face buried in Anthony's neck, that scent filling his nostrils and making his whole body tingle. 

After a minute or two, Anthony sighed deeply and gently began to peel Azra away from him. "Hold on, sweetheart, I gotta pee," he mumbled, and Azra let go reluctantly, watching sleepily as Anthony wandered into the bathroom. He thought for a moment, then sat up and slipped his t-shirt off, looking down at himself nervously. The scars stared back at him, countless and with so many different forms, some lighter, some darker, some round, some long and thin. 

Azra took a deep breath and lifted his chin, reminding himself of how brave Anthony told him he was, how brave he could be. He wanted to show Anthony his trust, he wanted to show him everything. 

The bathroom door clicked and Anthony slipped into the bedroom, looking up and freezing. Azra winced, hugging himself loosely, suddenly feeling incredibly self-conscious. 

"Hi," he mumbled, and Anthony seemed to snap out of his trance, walking over to the bed and sitting down slowly. 

"Hey," he said softly, his gaze worried and remaining fixed on Azra's eyes. 

"I...you can um...touch, and ask questions," Azra forced himself to say, his voice sounding as if it was coming from far away as he relaxed his arms, dropping them into his lap to reveal his entire chest. "I might...I might cry, but I want you to know about me." 

Anthony nodded slowly, his eyes wide as he finally allowed himself to take in Azra's marked skin, shifting closer to him. He reached out tentatively with one shaky hand, his fingertips brushing a particularly thick scar on Azra's ribs. 

"He stabbed me multiple times," Azra said flatly, managing not to twitch at the feeling of those gentle fingers on his skin. "I had to go to the hospital." 

Anthony took a deep, shuddering breath, his fingers trailing over a patch of little circular scars right in the centre of Azra's chest. His gaze flickered up, questioning. 

"Cigarettes?" 

Azra nodded, looking away as he pulled the waistband of his pajamas down just enough to show off his c-section scar. Anthony's fingertips skimmed over it, and then there were lips on his, gentle and caring, lingering as he pulled away. 

"Emily?" 

Azra nodded again, smiling to himself ever so slightly as he ran his hand over his stomach in a habitual self-comforting movement. "Yep. She got a bit stuck, unfortunately. A little stubborn." 

Anthony chuckled and shook his head slightly, looking back down at Azra as his hand found that perfect chest. 

"How long ago did you have surgery?" Anthony asked gently, and Azra smiled, his hand resting over Anthony's. 

"A couple of years now. They're my favourite scars," he admitted, and Anthony kissed him again, soft and brief, his hand skimming down to a small, circular scar that didn't quite look the same as the cigarette burns. 

"He shot me once," Azra muttered, ducking his head slightly and fiddling with his fingers so he didn't have to look at Anthony. "He got really angry with me for something, I don't remember what. He said he was sick of me and that I was useless," he mumbled, not quite feeling attached to the words, as if he was recounting something that had happened to someone else entirely. 

He closed his eyes just as Anthony embraced him, his cheek pressed against that welcoming chest, those gentle fingers in his hair and on his sides. 

"You're so stunning," Anthony murmured, his voice sounding rather thick and heavy with emotion. "Don't forget that, okay? You're beautiful inside and out, and you don't have to be shy about your scars with me, they don't bother me." 

"Thank you," Azra mumbled sincerely, trying to ignore the lump forming in his throat as Anthony squeezed him tightly. 

"I care about you so much, beautiful."

Azra sighed softly, letting his weight lean against Anthony, his eyes still closed, his body relaxed. "I care about you too. You're so good to me." 

"Just like you deserve," Anthony insisted gently, and Azra grabbed at him lightly, needing to be closer to him, desperate for the comfort. Anthony hugged him tighter, rocking him ever so slightly, one hand cradling the back of his head. "It's alright now, yeah? I won't let anyone touch you," he murmured, and Azra nodded slightly. 

"I know," he answered softly, his throat suddenly closing up as a wave of emotion broke over him, tears rising quickly. "Y-you have no idea how much you mean to me," he sniffed, and Anthony gripped him even tighter, pressing his face into Azra's hair as the omega began to cry ever so softly, finally letting go. 

He relaxed into Anthony even further, his hands clinging to his shirt, his body heavy as he shook. He still couldn't quite believe that he was able to be there, shirtless and wrapped up in an alpha's arms, but he was. And it meant so much to be able to trust again, to feel like he might be able to love again, to have that bond that he'd never really had before. 

"It's alright, sweetheart," Anthony murmured, kissing the side of his head softly. "I care about you so much, I do. I just want you to be happy, remember that, okay?" 

Azra nodded slightly, the emotion already subsiding to a manageable level as he gently pulled away from Anthony's arms. The alpha let go reluctantly, and smiled at Azra worriedly. 

Blushing, Azra looked down at his lap, taking a deep breath. "I'm good, just a bit emotional." 

"Yeah, I understand," Anthony murmured, picking up Azra's shirt and offering it to him. "You look cold," he smiled, and Azra slipped it on quickly, flashing him a sheepish little smile. 

"Thank you. I wish we could just cuddle forever," he murmured, just as the door handle clicked and the bedroom door swung open to reveal Emily, a book clutched in her little hands. She marched over to the bed and slapped it down on the duvet, then began to climb up onto the bed, struggling a bit. Azra rolled his eyes at Anthony, who was grinning, and gently helped Emily up onto the bed, sitting her in front of him carefully. 

"Morning book," she announced, and Azra chuckled, stroking her hair back from her face gently. 

"Yeah? What do we say?" 

Emily looked up at Anthony, sharp blue eyes focused on him. "Please?" She questioned, and Azra nodded, picking the book up off the bed. 

"Alright. Sunday morning book time," he smiled, laying back and slipping under the covers again. Emily joined him quickly, then looked at Anthony and patted the bed beside her commandingly. 

"Everyone has to do the morning book," she announced, and Anthony chuckled, laying down beside her on his side, so he could watch Azra. 

"Alright, I'm here," he hummed, and Emily smiled to herself as Azra opened the book and began to read where they'd last left off. 

While Azra read, Anthony shifted a bit closer to him, resting his hand on Emily's chest and rubbing in slow, gentle circles. Azra noticed the way Emily cuddled up to Anthony happily, but didn't say anything, just smiling to himself as he continued to read. 

Once he'd finished a chapter, he marked the place and shut the book, ignoring Emily's protests that she wanted more. 

"One chapter this morning, love," he said firmly, and she sighed, but gave up, rolling over to bury her face in Anthony's chest. Anthony chuckled softly and stroked her hair, watching as Azra sat up and stretched. 

"I'm going to take a shower," he announced, and Anthony nodded slightly. 

"I'll make a start on breakfast."

When Azra wandered downstairs, his hair still damp, he found Anthony in the kitchen, already pouring pancake batter into a frying pan. Emily was watching intently, and didn't look up when Azra walked in. He went over to Anthony and ran a hand down his back, staring down at the pan. 

"Feeling cleaner?" Anthony asked with a smile, and Azra nodded, a little distracted by his thoughts. Then he looked up, trying to keep the worry out of his expression. 

"I want to try eating some," he announced softly, and Anthony's smile widened slightly. 

"Okay, sweetheart. You wanna stay here and watch me make them, then?" 

"Yeah," Azra hummed, leaning his head against Anthony's upper arm. "Thank you."

"Of course," Anthony answered simply, flashing Azra a soft smile. "And no worries if you can't, okay?" 

Azra nodded, stifling a yawn and glancing at Emily, who was still staring at the frying pan. 

"Em, love, can you set the table again, please?" He called softly, and she looked up at him, then nodded quickly and bounced off. 

As soon as she was gone, Azra was gently pulling Anthony into a kiss, clinging to him tightly as he chuckled, then guided Azra deeper. The kiss was slow and gentle and perfect, fingers skimming over cheeks and jaws, and lips lingering together before finally breaking away. Anthony smiled down at Azra, his eyes soft and caring, his hand resting on one slightly flushed cheek. Azra turned his head, kissing Anthony's hand and wrist, causing him to chuckle again and kiss Azra's forehead before turning away to flip the pancakes. 

Azra stood with Anthony until all the batter had been cooked, a plate piled high with fluffy, American-style pancakes. Anthony handed the plate to him and kissed his cheek, then followed him to the table. 

They all sat down together and Azra helped Emily put the pancakes on her plate, then made sure she put an appropriate amount of syrup on them. Once she was sorted, he took some for himself and looked down at them, taking a deep breath. He looked up again briefly, directly into Anthony's worried golden gaze, and that soft, encouraging smile. Azra closed his eyes for a moment, pushing aside the fear sitting low in his stomach, and finally began to eat. 

Triumph flooded through him at the first bite, his eyes slipping closed as he savoured the moment and the flavour. They were absolutely delicious, and he couldn't believe that he was finally eating something Anthony had cooked. 

He opened his eyes again and saw Anthony's smile, sharing in his own triumph, and he had to squash the urge to jump across the table to kiss him. 

Instead, Azra just kept eating, finishing off the pancakes on his plate and eyeing up seconds. Anthony pushed the plate towards him slightly, and Azra blushed, glad that he was being shown explicit permission to keep eating. He took another pancake and finished it off easily, then set his knife and fork down with a soft clink. 

"That was delicious Anthony, thank you," Azra announced, then glanced at Emily, who had brought a small plastic horse to the table and was apparently engrossed in it. "Em, you wanna do something today, love?" 

She looked up, blinking at him for a moment, then nodding slightly. "Yeah." 

Anthony chuckled and Azra looked over at him, his whole being softening when he saw the look of pure happiness on Anthony's face. 

"I was thinking about going to the seaside and doing the amusements today, would you like to come?" Azra asked quietly, and Anthony looked at him in surprise. 

"I'd love to," he said simply, and Azra grinned, looking down at Emily again and stroking her hair. 

"Shall we go get you dressed, baby?" 

"Seaside!" Emily shouted, and Azra rolled his eyes, standing up and scooping her off her chair. 

"Come on, troublemaker." 

* * *

They spent the rest of the morning laughing and joking, enjoying one another's company while they watched Emily play all the games, squealing with happiness every time she won something. Anthony showed her a few tricks, and spent a lot of the time surreptitiously holding Azra's hand, his thumb stroking back and forth over the omega's skin. 

Azra couldn't deny that he loved it, and when he took Emily to the bathroom and came back out to find that Anthony had won a stuffed animal she'd had her eye on for ages, he wasn't ashamed to admit that he almost cried. Emily bounced around Anthony, trying to grab the toy as he held it up in the air, laughing, and Azra watched in awe, unable to believe that he'd accidentally found himself someone so perfect. 

As soon as Anthony finally handed the toy over, ruffling Emily's hair, Azra flung his arms around him, clinging on tightly. Anthony chuckled, a little surprised, then hugged back just as tight, rubbing Azra's back lightly. 

"You okay?" 

Azra nodded slightly and took a deep breath as he pulled away. Emily had gone over to a new machine to play, so he turned to Anthony and kissed him softly, just for a moment. 

"I just feel like I have a family coming together," he murmured, and Anthony smiled brightly, stroking his cheek with his knuckles. 

"I'd love to be a part of your family, sweetheart. But I think we have a little way to go before that," he pointed out gently, and Azra nodded quickly. 

"I know, it's just...I can see the potential, you know?" He smiled, and Anthony kissed his forehead. 

"Yeah, I know," he murmured, pulling Azra into another hug, this one much looser, but still tender and caring. Azra smiled and leaned into him, enjoying the warmth of the embrace. 

"How about some lunch?" 

"That sounds like an excellent idea." 

* * *

By the time they got home, it was starting to get late, so Azra herded Emily inside and stood on the doorstep with Anthony, trying to ignore his blush. 

Anthony smiled at him, then took a deep breath. "I have to get home to work...but um...I would love to do this again sometime," he murmured, and Azra nodded, stepping closer to him and reaching up to rest his hands on those perfect, angular cheeks. 

"Next weekend," he said firmly, and Anthony nodded, letting his eyelids flutter closed for a moment. "And I want to see you in between." 

"Of course," Anthony smiled, opening his eyes again and pulling Azra close, one hand on his jaw, gently tilting his head up. "My beautiful angel," he hummed, and Azra melted, closing the gap between them and kissing the alpha softly, yet needily, his fingers gently grabbing at his back, pressing into his skin. 

Anthony was the first to break away, pressing a kiss to Azra's cheek and reluctantly letting his hands drop down. "I'm sorry, I really have to go." 

"I know," Azra sighed softly, forcing a small smile. "Text me." 

"I will, don't worry," Anthony smiled back, diving in for one more quick peck before walking down the steps, keys dangling from his fingers. He stopped by his car and turned to wave, then blew a kiss, setting Azra's cheeks on fire.

Azra waved back and watched him drive away, then slipped into the house, letting out a long, slow breath. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, I hope you enjoyed this chapter!   
> Thanks for all your comments on the last one, I'm feeling a bit better today, so that's positive :) I hope you're all doing well and you enjoyed this chapter! I think it's a huge step forward in their relationship, so it's one of my favourite chapters, although I realise I say that a lot lol   
> <3<3<3


	12. Chapter Twelve

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING  
> This chapter contains: aftermath and brief description of sexual assault; mention of flashbacks, panic attacks; dissociation; comfort.  
> As always, if you have any questions, feel free to contact me <3

Anthony was bouncing his leg, staring off at nothing while he picked at a hang nail on his thumb. Anathema was sitting in the armchair across the room, texting Newt an update. 

The babysitter had called Anathema when Azra had been half an hour late getting home from work, and she'd gone by to watch Emily. Once it had hit the hour mark with no sign of Azra, Anathema had taken Emily to her house to stay with Newt, and had called Anthony. 

Now it was nearly two and a half hours without any sign of Azra, and they were considering calling the police. 

Anthony wasn't sure how much longer he could wait, imagining so many horrible scenarios, his heart thudding in his chest. Azra hadn't had his car, as it was being serviced, but it wasn't a long walk, and there was a bus that took him fairly close to the house. He shouldn't have been late. 

Anthony jumped up suddenly to pace, chewing on his lip, his arms wrapped around himself tightly. He wasn't sure he could bear it if anything had happened to Azra; he knew he was falling hard for the omega, and he'd promised over and over that he would protect him. 

The scraping of a key in the lock broke the tense silence and Anthony bolted down the hall, skidding to a stop as the door swung open. Azra didn't seem to see him, sniffling as he stared at the ground, tears running down his stained and dirty cheeks. He took his shoes off carefully and straightened up, his eyes going wide when he spotted Anthony. Azra took a half step back and Anthony felt pain explode in his chest, just as Anathema rushed past him to grab at Azra, already half-shouting. 

"Where have you been? You've terrified all of us, we were about to call the police, you can't just-" 

Anthony could see the dazed, slightly scared expression on Azra's face, and he quickly stepped forward, gently pushing Anathema away from Azra and taking his hands. 

Azra looked up at him shakily, blue eyes awash with tears, and Anthony swallowed, loathe to ask, but knowing that he had to. 

"What happened?" 

Azra stared for a moment, then whimpered and began to sob, falling into Anthony's chest. Anthony hugged him desperately, shushing him softly, cradling the back of his head in one shaking hand. 

"It's alright, sweetheart, I'm here, right here," he murmured, and gently began to pull away, leading Azra into the living room, where Anathema threw a blanket around his shoulders and sat him down between his partner and his best friend. 

Anthony wrapped an arm around the omega, pressing soft kisses to every patch of skin he could find, squeezing him protectively, possessively. 

Azra clung to him lightly, no longer crying, but just sitting and shivering, his eyes distant. Anathema reached over and stroked his hair slowly, causing him to twitch before relaxing into the sensation. "That's it, you're alright," Anathema soothed, and Azra let out a deep sigh, still clinging to Anthony. 

"Can you tell us what happened?" Anathema prompted gently, and Azra took a deep, shuddering breath, his arms sliding around Anthony's waist. 

"I walked home," Azra began shakily, and Anthony squeezed him gently, not liking the distant, detached tone to Azra's voice. "And an alpha grabbed me. He um...he tried to...to grab my...and so I shoved him off me, but he just kept trying and I had to...to run away," he admitted quietly, and Anathema shot Anthony a worried glance. "I panicked and kept running, and I had flashbacks and panic attacks, and I think I passed out. I remember waking up in a field, a-and I had to find my way home," he mumbled, and Anthony sighed, squeezing him even tighter and kissing the side of his head again. 

"You are so brave, my angel," he murmured, trying to sound as comforting as possible. "So so brave." 

"I think we should get you cleaned up so you can have a rest," Anathema announced softly, and Azra nodded, then suddenly stiffened, glancing around. 

"Where's Emily?" He asked frantically, and Anthony soothed him quickly, 

"It's alright, she's with Newt," he said gently, and Azra went limp against Anthony, letting out a soft sigh, as if that had been the only thing he was concerned about. 

Anthony winced and gently pushed Azra away from him, helping him sit up on his own. 

"Come on, let me get you up and we'll go run a bath," he murmured, and Azra obliged, shivering as he stood. Anthony slipped an arm around him immediately, gently leading him up the stairs and into the bedroom. 

He sat Azra down on the bed, stroking his hair back from his face, but Azra wouldn't look at him, his cheeks dusted with pink. 

"I'm sorry, Anthony," he mumbled, his eyes getting a little wet again. "I tried not to let him touch me...I tried, but he was too strong, a-and...and I couldn't...I know I'm a slut, I'm sorry." 

Anthony's eyes widened in shock, his hands starting to shake as he gently grabbed at Azra's cheeks. "Look at me, Azra. You are  _ not  _ a slut. This was not your fault, okay?" He said firmly, struggling to speak through the emotion constricting his throat - the anger and hatred toward Gabriel, the despair at Azra's pain. "I'm not angry with you, I promise you, I just wish I could have been there to stop you from getting hurt." 

Azra squeezed his eyes shut, his breaths coming quick and ragged. "I'm sorry." 

"Don't apologise, angel. Please, it's not your fault," Anthony begged softly, his vision blurred as tears welled up in his own eyes. "You're perfect, Azra, I promise. You didn't do anything wrong," he sniffed, ignoring the tears as they spilled and gathered on his chin. 

Azra buried his face in his hands and Anthony hugged him tightly, rubbing his back in slow, soothing circles as he shook and clung to the alpha. 

"It's alright, it's okay," Anthony repeated over and over, rocking Azra slightly until he finally stopped trembling and relaxed, his face still pressed into Anthony's shoulder. 

Anthony took a deep breath and tried to calm himself down, gently pulling away and forcing a smile for his angel. "How about I go run a bath, sweetheart? Warm you up a bit and get you clean." 

Azra nodded, grabbing at Anthony's hand gently, his blue eyes washed out and exhausted. "If I put swim stuff on, will you sit with me?" 

Anthony blinked in surprise, but nodded quickly, leaning down to kiss Azra's forehead tenderly. "Of course, sweetheart. Why don't you change while I go start the water?" 

A few minutes later, Anthony was holding Azra's hand as he sank into the hot water, shivering as he settled back. Anthony sank to his knees beside the tub, stroking Azra's hair as he stared down at the bubbles rising up his chest. 

"You need any help washing?" Anthony asked softly, and Azra turned to look at him slowly, blinking with a blank expression on his face. 

"Maybe." 

Anthony sighed and picked up the soap, leaning over the tub to gently stroke the bar down Azra's skin, washing away the dirt smeared on his arms and hands. Azra closed his eyes and relaxed, not really reacting as Anthony rubbed at his skin, splashing water over it to wash off the soap. 

"That's it. So brave," he murmured as he went, massaging the omega's skin ever so lightly. A knocking on the door made them both jump, and Anthony winced. 

"Yeah?" 

"Are you guys hungry? I can make something to eat," Anathema called through the door, and Anthony looked at Azra questioningly, but he simply shrugged. 

"Yeah, something warm would be nice," Anthony answered for both of them, and heard the soft footsteps walking away. Azra went back to staring at the bubbles, his hands trembling in his lap, so Anthony picked up a cup from the side of the tub and gently tipped Azra's chin up. He scooped up some water and poured it over those beautiful blond curls, concentrating on not getting any of the water on Azra's face. Then he picked up the shampoo and began to rub it in carefully, still immensely worried by the way Azra was acting, almost as if someone had switched off part of him, as if he'd retreated somewhere he couldn't quite come back from. 

"Close your eyes, angel," Anthony said softly, and began to rinse Azra's hair, kissing his cheek when it was done. "So brave," he praised, and Azra managed a tiny smile, leaning against the side of the tub. Anthony hugged him as best he could, not caring that his shirt was getting completely soaked. 

"I've got you, sweetheart. It's alright." 

Azra closed his eyes and went still for a while, and Anthony just held him, occasionally stroking his hair or kissing his cheek. 

Eventually, though, the water got cold, and Anthony helped Azra out, wrapping him in a fluffy towel before leaving him to dry off in private. In the meantime, he found Azra some clean, cosy pajamas, and left them outside the bathroom door before heading downstairs to speak to Anathema. 

He found her in the kitchen, stirring something in a pot, and hopped up to sit on the counter. 

"How is he?" She asked without looking up. 

"He apologised to me for letting the alpha touch him," Anthony said flatly. "Called himself a slut." 

"Yep," Anathema answered, with the same emotionless tone. "That's Gabriel's influence. He'll be okay, though," she went on, her voice a bit less flat and more hopeful. "I've known him pretty much since we were born, and he's an omega. This has happened to him and every other omega hundreds of times, he'll recover. I'll make him mac and cheese and we'll take care of Emily for a bit. It might help if you slept here tonight, if he'll let you. He'll probably have some nightmares." 

Anthony sighed deeply, dragging his hands down his face. "I just wish I could have been there. I mean, he passed out in a field, for fuck's sake, I just-...if he'd called me, I would have driven him home from work." 

"So would I," Anathema pointed out quietly. "He doesn't like being a burden or asking for things. Thanks to Gabriel, again, and his personality. I think he'll get used to relying on you a bit more, though. Over time." 

Anthony nodded, just as a thud sounded from upstairs. He slid off the counter quickly and hurried off, jogging up the stairs and knocking on the bedroom door before slipping inside. Azra was sitting on the floor, hugging himself tightly, staring at nothing. 

"Are you okay?" Anthony asked softly, his heart sinking at Azra's expression. 

"I just dropped something," Azra mumbled, closing his eyes for a moment before fixing them on Anthony. "I don't think I ate today, I got dizzy and had to sit down."

Anthony relaxed slightly, just glad that Azra seemed much calmer and more talkative. "Okay, sweetheart. Anathema's making you some pasta, how about we get you in bed?" 

Azra nodded slightly, managing a weak smile as Anthony walked over, gently taking his hands. With a bit of staggering, he managed to get Azra up and supported him all the way to the bed, holding his arm as he climbed under the covers shakily. 

"That's it, angel," Anthony hummed nervously, smoothing the blankets around Azra and leaning down to kiss his temple. Azra simply closed his eyes and relaxed into the bed, the rhythm of his breathing changing as he drifted off into an exhausted sleep. 

Anthony let out a relieved sigh, running his hand down Azra's side as he slipped his phone out of his pocket and sent Anathema a text to let her know how he was doing. 

Then Anthony took a deep breath and climbed into bed beside Azra, slipping an arm around his waist and kissing his forehead softly. Azra let out a soft breath in his sleep, and Anthony smiled to himself, finally starting to let go of some of his tension. Azra just looked so peaceful, so relaxed, and it was already causing those memories of him crying and shaking to fade.

After a while, Anthony got a text from Anathema to say the food was ready, so he very gently woke Azra, pressing a soft kiss to the corner of his lips as his sleepy blue eyes blinked open. 

"Hey, sweetheart," Anthony murmured, treasuring the little smile that spread across Azra's face. "Anathema says the food is ready and I thought you ought to eat. Do you want me to bring it up?" 

Azra shifted slightly, sliding his hand into Anthony's hair. "Mm, I'm not sure I could get downstairs," he mumbled, and Anthony nodded, smiling at him sadly. 

"Alright, I'll go get you some. Do you need anything else?" 

"I think I should drink some water, but other than that, I'm okay," Azra sighed, then smiled a little wider, his hand sliding over Anthony's cheek. "And you, of course." 

Anthony chuckled, stroking over his hand gently before sitting up slowly. "I'll be back in a minute, okay?" 

Azra nodded sleepily, and Anthony stood up reluctantly, finding it rather difficult to leave him looking so adorable. But he slipped out of the bedroom anyway, heading downstairs to find Anathema already dishing up two bowls of pasta. 

"Hey," he said quietly, and she looked up, flashing him a smile. 

"Hey, how is he?" She asked, filling a glass of water from the tap. 

"He seems a lot better now," Anthony answered honestly, leaning against the counter. "He had a bit of a nap." 

Anathema nodded, handing him one of the bowls. "Alright. I'll help you take this up and have a quick chat with him, and then I'll leave you guys to it, it seems like you've got it under control." 

"Yeah, I think he's just gonna sleep from now on," Anthony smiled, heading for the stairs. 

"That's probably the best thing, really," Anathema sighed, following him up the stairs. "He'll be okay." 

Once Azra had eaten, Anathema kissed his cheek and then left, shutting the bedroom door behind her before heading home to Newt. Azra gently pulled at Anthony's sleeve, his fingers curling around the alpha's arm. 

"Cuddle?" He asked sleepily, and Anthony looked down at him, smiling at those soft blue eyes. 

"Of course, do you mind if I borrow some pajamas again?" Anthony murmured, and Azra's hand tightened around his wrist. 

"Mm, yeah," he mumbled, already fighting sleep as Anthony got up quickly. He changed out of his jeans and into a pair of pajama trousers from Azra's drawer, then climbed into bed beside him, chuckling softly as Azra immediately grabbed at him, pulling him close. 

"Hey," Anthony hummed, running a hand through Azra's hair as he buried his face in Anthony's chest. "How are you feeling?" 

"Sleepy," Azra answered softly, and Anthony squeezed him tighter, his fingers curling in those silky gold locks.

"Yeah? Sleep then, angel," Anthony smiled, and Azra snorted, running a hand down his back lightly. 

"Way ahead of you," he mumbled, and Anthony didn't reply this time, feeling Azra's body relax further as he drifted off into unconsciousness once again. 

Anthony simply lay there for a while, feeling Azra's side rise and fall, listening to his soft, endearing little snores. He couldn't shake the anger, the rage that someone so innocent and sweet could be hurt so casually, without any thought. The alpha would probably have forgotten all about Azra by now. 

Anthony buried his face in those soft curls, holding Azra tighter as he tried not to imagine how much he'd been hurt in the past. Anathema was probably right, that this was a minor incident on Azra's own rather skewed scale, but Anthony couldn't place himself in Azra's shoes, he couldn't imagine a world in which it wasn't a big deal. He also felt a bitter disappointment, annoyance that Azra's fear was constantly being reinforced by the way society encouraged alphas to act. Alphas had always been in power, and had always been told they could just take what they wanted, and although there were - admittedly limited - laws in place to protect omegas, and had been for decades, the attitude towards them still remained. Omegas weren't quite people, more toys, breeding machines, judged by their usefulness and their ability to be attractive ornaments. It had always made Anthony's blood boil, but this was a whole new level of rage. 

He couldn't believe that someone would look at the beautiful, delicate man in his arms and see something to beat, to use. It seemed so alien to him, to be so detached from reality as to assume that Azra didn't have feelings, a life, a soul, just because of his biology. 

Anthony gripped Azra a little tighter, the urge to protect him rising up again, his fingertips digging into his back ever so slightly. "It's alright," he breathed, more for his benefit than Azra's, his fingers spreading against Azra's warmth. "I've got you. I'm not gonna let go." 

Azra stirred slightly, letting out a soft sigh as he pressed closer to Anthony, and the alpha swallowed the sudden lump in his throat. 

He wished with all his heart that he could miracle it all away; all of Azra's pain, his scars, his nightmares. He wanted to drag it out of him, roll it up into a neat little ball, and lock it in the most secure box he could find, just so Azra could relax again. So he could enjoy life again, and live freely, no longer constrained by fear or regret or shame, but Anthony knew it was impossible.

At least, in such a literal sense. 

Perhaps, in caring for Azra, in gently showing him how a relationship could - and  _ should _ \- be, Anthony would be able to at least dull some of those pains, driving them to the back of Azra's mind and unlocking some of those shackles. 

He could do nothing but his best, and yet he had a sickening feeling that his best might never be enough. 

* * *

Eventually, despite all the thoughts assaulting his mind, Anthony had managed to fall asleep, and woke the next morning to a hand on his shoulder, shaking gently. 

"Anthony? Where's Emily? She's not-" 

"Anathema's," Anthony groaned immediately, dragging his hand down his face as Azra stopped shaking him. 

"Oh. Sorry, sorry," Azra said hurriedly, and Anthony forced his eyes open, blinking up at the terrified man in front of him. He let a smile spread across his face, slow and lazy, and watched those sharp blue eyes soften as the fear faded. 

"No worries, angel," Anthony purred, his voice deepened by sleep. "How are you feeling?"

Azra sat down on the edge of the bed slowly, hugging himself loosely, his pajama shirt pulling down his chest slightly to reveal a handful of thick scars. "Better. A bit jumpy and...well, gross. But I didn't have nightmares or anything, so that's a start," he murmured, and Anthony reached over, letting his hand come to rest on Azra's thigh. 

"That's good, yeah. I have another meeting today, sweetheart, in the evening. I was thinking maybe we could pick Emily up and do some crafts and stuff here to cheer you up a bit before I have to go, how does that sound?" 

Azra's slightly pinched expression relaxed into one of his unbearably sweet smiles, and he gave a small nod. 

"I'd love that." 

"Good. Oh, and Anathema texted me, she wants to go on a double date tomorrow night," Anthony chuckled, and Azra rolled his eyes, but leaned over, pressing a soft kiss to Anthony's cheek. 

"Mhm. Better not refuse, or she'll murder me," he smiled softly, and Anthony grinned, stroking his cheek as he pulled away. 

"Yeah, probably. And it'll keep your mind off things." 

Azra nodded, fixing a lock of Anthony's hair carefully before running a hand over his side slowly. "True. Thank you for being here, by the way." 

"Of course." 

Once they were dressed, they left to pick Emily up, and Anthony marveled at the difference in Azra's demeanour. He'd been quiet and tired, barely moving and not looking at Anthony the whole drive, and had given Anathema a rather unenthusiastic and listless hug when they'd arrived. 

But as soon as Emily had bounced over to him, Azra was grinning, scooping her up and talking to her animatedly as she told him about playing Mario Kart with Newt. 

It had shocked Anthony, the change so sudden and drastic, but Anathema hadn't seemed surprised at all. He'd glanced at her and she'd given him a knowing look, but before he could ask her anything, she'd already started herding them out of the house so she could get ready for work. 

Now they were all sitting at the table together, Azra beside Anthony while Emily sat across from them, showing Azra how to cut paper to make the snowflakes she'd been taught at school. Azra kept messing it up on purpose to make her laugh, and Anthony couldn't help but smile as he watched, despite his worry. Emily just looked so happy and carefree, and, when it came down to it, so did Azra. 

"No! You've got to do it here!" Emily giggled, demonstrating for the fifth time while Azra laughed. 

"I've got it now, I'll get it right this time," he chuckled, cutting the paper in the right place and gesturing with the scissors. "Why don't you show Anthony now?" 

"Because I've watched you do it so many times I don't think I could stand to try it myself," Anthony retorted quickly, and Emily grinned, supervising Azra as he finished the snowflake off easily. 

"Maybe we should try something else. How about some clay, baby?" Azra suggested, setting the scissors down carefully and reaching across to ruffle Emily's hair as she bent over her snowflake, colouring it in with a bright blue marker. 

"I'll go get it," Anthony volunteered, and Emily looked up, blue eyes bright and sharp. 

"I wanna finish this first!" 

"What do you say?" Azra prompted immediately, and Emily giggled, grinning at Anthony. 

"Please?" 

Anthony nodded, resting his hand on Azra's shoulder briefly. "Alright, but I'll go get the box and start setting up while you finish. Do you need anything, Azra?" 

Azra answered with a simple shake of his head, so Anthony squeezed his shoulder lightly and began to walk away, smiling to himself as he heard Emily berating her father. 

"It's 'no, thank you!'" She teased, and Azra chuckled, answering in a soft voice that Anthony couldn't quite make out. His tone was loving though, full of gentle affection. 

Anthony found the clay box in the cupboard under the stairs and took it out, then headed back to the table to see Azra sitting with his chin in his hand, staring off at nothing while Emily coloured. He didn't look happy and carefree anymore, his expression was distant, as if watching an invisible screen on the opposite wall. A screen showing something that was, at the very least, difficult to watch. 

Anthony walked over and set the box down carefully, then sat down beside the omega and ran a hand over his shoulder again, squeezing lightly. Azra jumped violently and the distance in his face melted into sudden shame. 

"Hey, it's just me," Anthony soothed as brightly as he could, his hand running down over Azra's arm. "Are you alright?" 

"Fine," Azra answered hurriedly, then cleared his throat, refusing to look at Anthony as his cheeks coloured and he reached around the alpha to grab the clay box. "Shall we take a look at what's in here?" 

"Yes!" Emily shouted, putting her finished snowflake aside to get excited about coloured blocks of clay. Anthony sighed to himself, but joined in, helping Azra take the clay out of the box. 

Over the rest of the afternoon, Anthony couldn't help but notice that everytime Emily wasn't paying attention to Azra, he would zone out again, going distant and quiet until Emily looked up from whatever she was doing. It was oddly impressive, the way that he could snap back to normal and smiling, but the more he thought about it, the sadder it made Anthony feel. After all, it was a skill, and to be good at any skill, you had to have practice. 

By the time he had to leave for his meeting, Anthony had concluded that Azra must have had more than enough practice concealing his emotions from his daughter, and all he wanted to do was wrap him up in a tight hug. Instead, he kissed him goodbye at the door, promised to call him, and left, feeling more than a little bit guilty. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys!   
> I hope you liked this one, even though it's quite sad. I promise the next one will be a bit happier!   
> I'm very annoyed with myself at the moment because I just realised that I managed to write two chapters that were labelled chapter 16 so now I have to go through and change all the chapter titles all the way back to 38 so that's fun.   
> But anyway, next time there's a big warning on a chapter, I'll try to remember to tell you guys in the notes of the chapter before it to give you a bit more of a heads-up, apologies for the short notice on this one <3


	13. Chapter Thirteen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter contains: mild panic attacks, sexual touching.

Azra got out of the car slowly, sticking close to the Bentley as he walked around to wait for Anthony. He got out fairly quickly and hurried over, gently taking Azra's hand and starting to lead him into the restaurant. Azra jogged a couple steps to keep up with his long legs, and even laughed to himself softly, despite how exhausted he felt. 

They were about ten minutes late, thanks to Anthony's fussing over his outfit, and they were both a little stressed. It didn't take long to find Anathema and Newt, however, and they hurried over, apologising at the same time as they sank into the booth seats across from Anathema and Newt. 

"No worries, it's just ten minutes," Anathema smiled, and Azra managed to smile in response, just as the scent of an unfamiliar alpha hit him. Unthinking, Azra shied away from the waiter, pressing himself hard against Anthony, his hands shaking slightly as he grabbed at his arm. 

"Hey, hey, it's alright," Anthony murmured immediately, gently brushing Azra's hands away from his arm, instead wrapping the arm around his partner tightly. Azra snuggled into him, closing his eyes against the world, half hoping that if he pretended it wasn't happening, then it couldn't really be happening at all. 

Newt reached across the table and took Azra's hand, holding gently as the waiter asked them for their drinks order. 

Anthony ordered two cokes and kissed the top of Azra's head as the waiter walked away, and Azra looked up shyly into two sympathetic gazes. 

"How's Emily?" Newt asked gently, before anyone could say anything about what had just happened. Azra blushed, looking away from the beta and down at his lap as he tried to regain his dignity and composure.

"She's good, yeah," he mumbled, and Anthony let out a long breath, his grip on Azra relaxing ever so slightly. "We played some games this morning, and she's doing a lot better with her maths." 

"That's good, hopefully she'll end up surpassing your capabilities at some point," Anathema teased, and Azra glared at her playfully. 

"Out of the two of us, which has the STEM degree again?" He snapped, and Newt laughed, putting his hands out in a calming gesture. 

"Now, now, children," he grinned, and Azra leaned into Anthony, looking up at him with imploring eyes. 

"Are you really going to let them bully me like this?" He whined, and Anthony chuckled, leaning down to kiss his forehead. Azra closed his eyes contentedly, savouring the contact, the warmth of the gentle kiss as he smiled to himself ever so softly. 

"They're your friends, sweetheart," Anthony pointed out, and Azra rolled his eyes fondly, his hand finding Anthony's arm and clinging on gently. 

"True," he laughed, and Anathema smiled at him, tapping the menu in front of him with one fingernail. 

"What are you getting, Azra?" 

* * *

Anathema had suggested the date as a distraction, and it had worked, Azra reflected on the way home. But unfortunately it had only worked up until they'd left. 

He watched the scenery go by in the dark, once again feeling a little numb. He wasn't doing too badly, he knew that, and he had to admit that he was suddenly glad to have a strong alpha to grab onto for comfort, but he was still tired. 'A long few days' didn't really cover it, and he was very glad they were headed home. 

Once they'd arrived, Azra paid the babysitter and checked on Emily to make sure she was okay, finding her sound asleep with her thumb in her mouth. 

Then he wandered into the bedroom to see Anthony sitting on the edge of the bed, once again wearing a pair of Azra's pajamas. He smiled softly and Azra melted inside, hurrying over to him and grabbing at him gently as he hugged Azra carefully. 

"Hey," he murmured, his hand running up Azra's back lightly, opening between his shoulders. 

"Hey," Azra answered softly, pulling away to climb into bed instead, quickly followed by Anthony, who laid down beside him. Azra immediately cuddled up to his chest, one strong arm wrapped tight around his waist. He could hear Anthony's heartbeat, slow and relaxed, and allowed it to soothe him as he pressed himself into the alpha's body, drawing his comforting scent in. 

Anthony shifted slightly, kissing the side of Azra's head, his fingers sliding through his curls. "How about we watch a really awful movie?" He suggested softly, and Azra smiled, pulling away from Anthony just enough to look into those gentle golden eyes. 

"Like a romcom or something?" 

"Yeah," Anthony grinned, letting his hand slide over Azra's cheek, his thumb running under his eye. "That kind of thing. Just something dumb." 

"I'd like that," Azra answered honestly, enjoying the sensation of Anthony's warm hand against his skin, his eyelids fluttering closed until he felt Anthony's breath on his face. His eyes snapped open, just as lips pressed to his, and he immediately leaned into it, allowing Anthony to guide him, to keep the kiss light and gentle. 

Azra broke away first, leaning away from his companion to stretch his back, ignoring Anthony's soft chuckle. 

The TV turned on a moment later and Azra relaxed from the stretch, cuddling up to Anthony again as he used the remote to select Netflix and scroll through the romcom section. 

It didn't take them long to find a suitably crap but entertaining film, and Azra allowed his mind to get lost in the images, no longer playing over old and recent memories, but instead focusing on the stupid story and the feeling of Anthony's arm around him. He couldn't help but giggle at some of the most stupid moments, and enjoyed the sound of Anthony's laugh mixing with his.

As soon as the movie finished, Anthony pulled Azra into a slow kiss, and Azra leaned into it with a smile, his fingers spreading on the alpha's cheek. He matched his energy, following the pace that he set and breathing in synchrony with him. The kiss got deeper and deeper, Anthony's movements a little quicker, more passionate, and although Azra felt a stirring of nerves in his stomach, there was also excitement there, pushing him onward. And then Anthony was rolling him onto his back, and despite his heart thudding in his chest, he went willingly, the alpha scent filling his nostrils, almost but not entirely stifling. 

Anthony's knee slipped down between Azra's legs, his lips sliding from the omega's and pressing against his jaw, his throat, his neck. Anthony's hands wandered as well, gliding over Azra's chest, finding the padding above his hips and squeezing his love handles firmly just as his teeth came into play, biting ever so gently at Azra's neck. To Azra's shock and morbid embarrassment, he let out a soft little moan, rocking into the touch as Anthony bit down just a little harder. Then his hands let go of Azra's excess flesh, rubbing over his hips before moving back up to his cheeks as Anthony released his neck and leaned over him, grinning. 

"You sound so cute and sexy for me, sweetheart," he murmured, his thumb catching Azra's bottom lip and tugging at it gently. Azra just stared up at him, his eyes wide, the embarrassment fading as Anthony's words sunk in. 

"Really?" He breathed softly, and Anthony nodded, ducking down to nibble at the skin between Azra's jaw and his neck. 

"Really," he whispered, then pressed a kiss just under Azra's ear, his breath flicking over the omega's cheek. 

Azra let his eyes flutter closed, the nerves still twisting his stomach, but he could feel desire there as well, fed by that scent, by the way Anthony's lips felt so hot on his skin. 

Those hands slid down again and Azra's lips parted, drawing in a soft, needy breath as Anthony clutched at his thick thighs, squeezing again, fingers pressing into soft fat. Azra's breath caught in delight, his hips shifting, rocking, and Anthony's lips were on him again, hands running back up to Azra's sides as another dark bruise was sucked into his neck. Azra whimpered happily, doing his best to stifle the sound with one hand, then gently grabbed at Anthony's hair, his other hand finding his chest in the dim light. 

"A-ah! Please, I don't-" 

Anthony sat back immediately, suddenly looking panicked. "Shit, I didn't mean-...are you alright?" He rushed out, and Azra laughed nervously, his arms wrapping around himself in a shy, defensive gesture. "Y-yeah. I just...do we have to...I don't really feel like...like going further, yet," he forced out, wincing and bracing himself for the torrent of abuse. But instead, Anthony rolled off him to lay beside him, his hand finding Azra's and squeezing lightly as that beautiful golden gaze met blue. 

"Of course, sweetheart," Anthony said simply, without any signs of anger or even disappointment in his face as he smiled at Azra so sweetly. "Thank you for telling me your boundaries, I know that it's hard sometimes, and I'm proud of you." 

Azra stared at him for a moment, then let out a slow breath, his lip wobbling slightly as those gentle words repeated themselves over and over in his mind. "Thank you," he whispered, and Anthony embraced him, wrapping him up in warmth and care. 

"Only the best for you, angel," Anthony murmured, and Azra buried his face in that familiar shoulder, struggling to hold back his tears. 

Anthony was the first to fall asleep that night, his body pressed up against Azra's, their legs tangled together under the warm blankets. Azra relaxed for a while, just allowing himself to enjoy the moment, his fingertips stroking through Anthony's hair over and over, that angular face pressed into his soft chest. He could hear Anthony's slow breathing, feel his fingers against his side, and it was all so...perfect. It sounded cheesy, even in Azra's head, but he couldn't find another word that fit. 

After all, it was perfect. He wasn't expected to do anything, he didn't have to get up early to make Anthony's breakfast, he didn't have to submit to him in the middle of the night. All he had to do was lay there and enjoy the alpha's warmth, and sleep beside him. 

Azra looked down at Anthony's face and felt emotion rise in his chest, almost too much, almost choking him, but not quite getting there. He couldn't believe that he'd found someone so sweet, so understanding. His mind went back to the kisses from earlier, and how, although he'd been nervous, he hadn't felt unsafe. He'd felt cared for and protected, soothed by Anthony's touches, even a little aroused, if he dared to admit it to himself. 

And he'd wanted to go further. That was the most surprising part of it all, for Azra. He'd wanted more, he could imagine having spread his legs, having allowed the alpha to take, but he'd been too nervous to try. But now Azra had tested putting boundaries in place, and some of that nervousness had been replaced with curiosity. He looked down at Anthony again and let out a soft sigh, pressing his face into that perfect hair. 

Azra would never know if he'd be safe with Anthony, if he'd be able to go further without panicking or getting hurt, not until he tried it. And although that was a terrifying thought, he had to admit that he wanted to try, even if some parts of him were screaming at him, asking if he was crazy. But he just ignored it all, setting it aside for later as best he could, so he could join Anthony in peaceful sleep. 

* * *

However, Azra's sleep wasn't as peaceful as he'd expected. He woke in the middle of the night, feeling a small hand on his arm. 

"Daddy?" 

Azra rolled over quickly, turning the bedside lamp on to illuminate Emily's scared face. Her eyes were wide and shiny with tears, her stuffed bunny dangling from her other hand. 

"Hey, baby," he said softly, reaching out to cradle her cheek in one hand. "What's wrong, you wanna come up?" 

Emily nodded, blue eyes still awash as he leaned over and gently helped her onto the bed beside him. "Nightmare," she mumbled, and he sighed, kissing the side of his head just as he felt stirring behind him. 

Anthony's hand rubbed over Azra's hip, making him jump slightly as he tucked his head over the omega's shoulder. 

"You two okay?" 

Emily blinked at Anthony, then reached out for him, grabbing at his hand. 

"She had a nightmare," Azra explained, and Anthony smiled sadly, squeezing her hand gently. 

"Why don't you come sit between us, little one? Nice and warm," he murmured, and Azra smiled, helping Emily climb over him to crawl under the covers between them. Anthony wrapped an arm around her immediately, smiling as she cuddled up to him. 

"Do you wanna know more about dreams, little one?" He asked softly, and she nodded, hugging her stuffed bunny tightly as she looked up at him with wide eyes. 

Azra rolled onto his side, stroking Emily's hair slowly as she listened to Anthony, her fingers squeezing at the stuffed bunny. 

"Well, dreams are just our brains trying to process things we've experienced or thought about that day. Your brain is just going through images and filing memories away, and sometimes it gets a bit messed up. Maybe if you're worried about something or you've had a stressful day, sometimes your brain gets confused and you have a bad dream," Anthony explained softly, rubbing slow circles into her narrow chest as she nodded along, captivated. "So when you have bad dreams, you can know they're not real, because they're just your brain getting confused. I know they can be really scary, and it's good to talk about them, but there's nothing to be frightened of when you're awake," he soothed, and she smiled slightly, glancing at Azra, who nodded. 

"He's got more degrees than me, baby, go ahead and listen to him," Azra chuckled, kissing her cheek lightly. "It's hard, I know. But it's okay, I promise, nightmares are completely normal." 

Emily nodded, cuddling closer to Anthony as he hugged her a little tighter. "Okay. I didn't like it." 

"No, I know, baby," Azra sighed, stroking his knuckles over her cheek. "Nightmares can be awful, but it's over now, yeah? And Anthony and I are here." 

Emily smiled slightly, her eyes starting to close up already as she rolled over to cuddle into Azra's chest. He hugged her tightly, rubbing her back slowly as she wrapped her arms around his neck. Anthony smiled softly, stroking her hair lightly as she nuzzled into Azra's neck. 

"I love you, Em," Azra murmured, and she squeezed him tighter. 

"Love you too," she mumbled, starting to relax, her body going limp. After a while, Azra gently peeled her away from him slightly, laying her down between him and Anthony as she slept. Anthony chuckled softly, and Azra rolled his eyes. 

"She's a deep sleeper until I try to put her back in her bed," he grinned, and Anthony shrugged, pulling the blankets around her carefully. 

"I don't mind at all," he murmured, reaching over her to gently take Azra's hand. "She's adorable." 

Azra relaxed a bit, squeezing Anthony's hand as he curled up around his daughter, protective and gentle. Anthony closed his eyes again and Azra turned the light off carefully, then settled back into the mattress, easily slipping back into sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys!  
> I hope you enjoyed this one! I have some news - I'm thinking of doing a prompt week event via my tumblr (I'll post everything here too, but in case you want to follow, it's southdownsraphael) and I was thinking of doing some prompts for Valentine's Day as well. Would you guys be interested in this?  
> I've asked before if people wanted me to do prompts, and there wasn't much interest, but if there's anything you'd like to see from me in honour of Valentine's Day, let me know! It can be something from my AUs or from canon, SFW or otherwise, I don't mind at all!  
> Anyway, let me know via comment, discord, or tumblr if you're interested!  
> <3


	14. Chapter Fourteen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter contains: sexual touching, panic attacks, flashbacks.

About two weeks after the incident on his way home from work, Azra was having a bad day. 

He'd finally gotten Emily in bed after well over an hour of fighting, as she'd been given too much sugar at school and had gone a bit wild. His temper had been short after a long day at work, and she'd tested it to the limit until he'd almost started shouting, which immediately made him feel guilty. 

Azra collapsed onto the sofa with a deep sigh, dragging his hands down his face just as he heard footsteps on the stairs. 

"Oh, for fuck's sake," he muttered to himself, forcing himself to stay calm as Emily trudged over to him, dragging her bunny as always. 

"Can't sleep," she announced grumpily, and he sighed, standing up and scooping her up off the floor. 

"If you'd stay in bed for five minutes, you might get sleepy," he said, trying to keep an even tone as he headed for the stairs. Emily started to whine and struggle, smacking his chest weakly, and he sighed, holding her tighter as he climbed the stairs. 

"Don't wanna go to bed!" Emily screeched, and Azra groaned, shouldering her bedroom door open and carrying her over to the bed as she kicked and slapped. He dumped her onto the mattress as gently as he could manage and pinned her down firmly, but carefully, tucking the duvet around her tightly as she struggled. 

"I don't wanna! I'm not tired!" She squealed, and he gritted his teeth, his hands shaking slightly. 

"Well, sometimes you have to-" 

But he stopped himself before he finished the sentence, Gabriel's voice echoing in his mind, finishing it for him:  _ sometimes you just have to do things you don't want to.  _

Azra's shoulders dropped and he buried his face in his hands, taking a deep, slow breath. Then he leaned over, cupping Emily's little face in his hands before pressing a soft kiss to her forehead. 

"I'll make you a hot milk and read to you if you stay in bed," he offered, and she frowned, considering this for a moment. 

"Okay."

Letting out a deep sigh of relief, Azra flashed her a shaky smile and got up. "Alright, love." 

He took his time going downstairs, warming the milk in the microwave and stirring a spoonful of vanilla syrup into it before carrying it upstairs. Emily sat up as soon as he walked in, and he smiled at her tiredly, going over to sit beside her. 

"Are you feeling okay?" He asked gently as she leaned her head on his arm, playing with the ear of her stuffed bunny. 

"I didn't get to be teacher's helper," Emily admitted quietly, and Azra frowned, stroking her hair slowly and keeping the mug held in his lap while it cooled. 

"I'm sorry, baby, I know you wanted to," he murmured, kissing the side of her head lightly. "Maybe next month, yeah? You're doing really well in school, love." 

Emily nodded slightly, looking down at her lap as light dawned on Azra. 

"Is this why you didn't want to go to bed?" 

Emily nodded again, her hair falling down to curtain her face from his view. He reached down and tucked it behind her ear carefully, watching her worriedly.

"I didn't want you to be upset." 

Azra frowned and gently gripped her chin, guiding her to look at him. "I'm not upset, baby, look at me. I'm worried about you, that's all. Why did you think I'd be upset?" 

Emily shrugged, gently pulling her head away from his hand. "Anthony's been helping me so much, he said he was going to help me get it and make you proud." 

Azra blinked, then gave a soft sigh. "I need to have a word with Anthony. But baby, I'm  _ always _ proud of you. Every day I think about how much I love you and how well you're doing. You don't need to be teacher's helper for me to be proud, you just have to be you, okay?" 

Emily nodded again, leaning into him as he wrapped an arm around her tightly. 

"Maybe next time you're upset you can try to tell me why, yeah?" He encouraged gently, squeezing her lightly. "We wouldn't have gone through all that trouble," he pointed out, and she just shrugged. He smiled to himself and just gave up for now, kissing the top of her head and handing her the warm milk. 

"Here you go. You want me to read to you, love?" 

"Yes please," Emily answered quietly, and Azra nodded, stroking her hair again as he reached for the book on her bedside table. He settled back into the pillows, keeping an eye on her with the mug while he began to read. 

After five minutes of reading, Emily had begun to doze, so Azra had taken the mug from her and helped her lay down. The relief he felt when he finally left her to sleep was tangible, and he went downstairs slowly, sitting down on the couch once again and picking his phone up off the table. 

_ Anthony, 20:02  _

_ Hey, how's it going? xx  _

Azra stared at the text for a while, then decided to answer honestly. 

_ Azra, 20:49 _

_ It's been a very long and mostly shitty day, but it's nearly over. How are you? xx _

He set his phone aside and turned the TV on, finding a recording of a show he was watching and putting it on absentmindedly. After a few minutes, his phone buzzed and he grabbed at it, unlocking it quickly. 

_ Anthony, 20:53  _

_ I'm sorry, sweetheart. What's been going on? xx _

Azra blinked, still a bit unused to having someone who cared so much about his life and his day. He sighed softly and typed out a response, then tossed his phone back to the couch. 

_ Azra, 20:54 _

_ I had a really shitty day at work, just a lot of people getting angry and being nasty and I was the only assistant on shift. And then Emily was having a bad day, I only just got her down to sleep, so I'm just exhausted. I don't like fighting with her. xx _

Azra kept an eye on his phone for a while, but it didn't buzz after ten minutes, so he settled back into the couch cushions, pulling a blanket over his lap. Sometime later, he heard a quiet knock on the front door and jumped up, his heart thudding in his chest. He grabbed his phone and hurried down the hall, just as he got a text, the phone buzzing in his hand. 

_ Anthony, 21:17 _

_ I'm here xx  _

Azra frowned, unlocking the door and opening it to find Anthony standing there, his face a little red, a bouquet of fresh flowers in his hand. 

"Hey," he said softly, and Azra closed his mouth, then giggled and stepped forward, pulling him into a quick kiss before grabbing his coat and tugging him inside. 

"You are far too sweet for me, Anthony Crowley," Azra chuckled, and Anthony grinned, wrapping an arm around his waist and pulling him close. 

"Yeah? So you're feeling better, then?" He purred, and Azra nodded, kissing the corner of his lips and staring up into those beautiful golden eyes. 

"One hundred percent," he murmured, gently taking the flowers from Anthony's hand. "I'll go put these in water." 

Azra admired them as he walked into the kitchen, trimming the stems and unwrapping the paper before filling a vase with water and putting the flowers in carefully. He was just arranging them carefully, trailing a fingertip along a silky red rose petal, when arms slid around his waist, and he jumped. 

"Hey, sweetheart," Anthony murmured, but Azra was already twisting away, his breathing ragged as he pressed his back against the counter, a couple feet from Anthony. The alpha's scent clung to his nostrils, making him shiver as he stared at Anthony, his whole body tense. 

Anthony took a deep breath, holding his hands up apologetically. "Alright. Are you okay?" He asked gently, and Azra nodded, struggling to take a few deep breaths. 

"Yeah. Yeah, I'm okay. Just...don't touch me from behind, I can't...I can't.." he mumbled, and Anthony nodded, flashing him a worried smile. 

"Yeah, I understand completely. I'm really sorry, I didn't think about it enough." 

Azra managed a small smile, his frantic heartbeat starting to slow. "It's okay, it's not a big deal, I'm okay," he said quietly, taking an unsteady step towards Anthony, who held his hands up again. 

"You don't have to push yourself, it's alright." 

Azra smiled a little wider, taking a deep breath before stepping forward again, already finding himself in Anthony's arms. 

"You saying that is exactly what I needed," he chuckled, laying his arms on Anthony's shoulders and leaning in slowly to kiss him, their lips brushing before connecting properly. It was brief and light, but perfectly gentle, and Azra chased it slightly when Anthony pulled away. 

He smiled down at Azra, stroking his cheek slowly. "Do you think maybe we could go cuddle?" 

"Hmm, do you think the sky is blue?" Azra teased, and Anthony grinned, rolling his eyes. 

"You are such a dad."

"I can't help it!" Azra protested with a giggle, and Anthony kissed his cheek lightly. 

"I know, I think it's adorable," he soothed, and Azra leaned into him, wrapping his arms around him tightly. 

"You really are too sweet for me." 

"Well, I did bring you chocolate, so I suppose that might be true," Anthony hummed, nuzzling the side of Azra's head and hugging him tighter, rubbing his back in slow, gentle circles. 

Azra let out a soft sigh, leaning further into him. "Mm, it better be those fancy ones I like." 

"How stupid do you think I am?" Anthony chuckled, squeezing him lightly before gently starting to pull away. "Come on, I put the box on the stairs." 

Azra smiled to himself, taking Anthony's hand and following him to the stairs, picking up the chocolates on the way. They changed hurriedly and climbed into bed together, sitting back against piles of pillows while Azra turned the TV on, flicking through the channels for some background noise. Anthony opened the box of chocolates, taking the lid off and holding them out to Azra, who rolled his eyes, but took one carefully. 

"You're so nice to me," Azra murmured, and Anthony took a chocolate as well, then set the box aside. 

"Nah, you just have low standards," he mumbled, but his cheeks were flushed, and Azra just smiled to himself knowingly. 

"So, tell me about this shitty day," Anthony said quietly, just as Azra placed the chocolate in his mouth, biting down and savouring the smooth, rich flavour. He leaned his head on the alpha's shoulder, his eyes slipping closed while he chewed and swallowed. 

"Just usual work stress, really," Azra sighed at last, his hand finding Anthony's and interlacing their fingers. "And then Emily. She kept throwing this huge tantrum about bedtime, she wouldn't take a bath, so I told her to go straight to bed, but she wouldn't let me put her pajamas on. I got like...this close to shouting at her," he admitted, holding his thumb and forefinger up, practically touching. "And that just made me feel like shit. So anyway, I finally get her in bed and the lights off and I go downstairs, and she appears immediately. I grab her to take her upstairs and she starts kicking and screaming, but I managed to calm down and get her a hot milk and talk to her, turns out she was upset because she didn't get picked for teacher's helper," Azra went on, noticing the way Anthony winced. 

"Oh shit, that's my fault, isn't it?" He asked, sounding genuinely guilty as Azra sat back slightly, still holding his hand. 

"Yeah. Look, I just.." he sighed, trying to find the right words. "I really appreciate everything you do for her, and she's been improving a lot, it's just that...that's more pressure than I'd like to put on her at this point. She's doing well, she's where she should be, and-" 

Anthony gently rested a hand on his chest, cutting him off without speaking over him. "I completely agree, sweetheart," he murmured, and Azra blushed, squeezing his hand lightly. "I think you're right, and I think a lot of parents tend to get overly worried about their kids at this stage and push them too hard. She's doing great, and I...I miscalculated, and I apologise." 

Azra nodded, taking a deep breath. "She's just...she's a bit too like me, very anxious. She really wants to please me; she wants to do things right, which makes her a very easy kid in some ways, but in others, I have to be really careful to monitor her anxiety, especially around school. It can be difficult, and I just...yeah...that's all, really." 

Anthony smiled and leaned over, pulling him into a brief, careful kiss. "Thank you for talking with me about it so honestly, I know what to do differently now." 

"Thank you for being so nice about it," Azra responded softly, pressing closer into his side and glancing at the TV briefly. 

"How are you feeling now?" Anthony asked, leaning his head against Azra's lightly, his fingertips skimming up and down the omega's side. Azra shifted comfortably, letting go of Anthony's hand to spread his fingers on his companion's thigh. 

"Much better," he murmured, his grip tightening slightly. Before he could even be surprised, Anthony was kissing him, fingers curling around the back of his jaw, pulling gently, pulling him closer. 

Easily, Azra fell into him, and kept falling, his lips parting, his legs following suit. Anthony pushed lightly, shifting his weight, and Azra allowed his body to be led by the alpha's guidance, rolling onto his back, sinking down with Anthony's leg between his, their lips still working together. 

That sweet scent poured over Azra, and his legs fell open wider, lips sliding from his and connecting with his neck again, biting, sucking. Azra allowed himself to let go and sink into the pleasure, sighing, his fingers tangling in Anthony's hair. He rocked slightly and Anthony was there, hips rolling. 

As soon as Azra felt the bulge against him, he was gasping, shoving at Anthony's chest, the words tumbling from his mouth without stopping by his brain first. 

"I need a break!" He half-shouted, and Anthony sat back hurriedly, giving his partner plenty of breathing space. 

"Hey, hey," Anthony murmured, his gentle hand stroking down Azra's side, his eyes sympathetic and concerned. "It's alright. Take slow breaths, angel, that's it. I'm so proud of you. You don't have to do anything you don't want to, I promise." 

Azra sighed and dropped his head back against the pillows, relaxing into the feeling of Anthony's hand running down his chest. "I know. Thanks for reminding me, I just...I really do want to, I haven't...I haven't done anything in...in  _ years,  _ and it would be so nice to have that again. It's just my...my brain makes me panic." 

"I know, my angel," Anthony soothed in the softest tone Azra had ever heard. "But take a breath and look back, okay? If you'd been told you'd be here, just laying under me about two months ago, you would have laughed."

"Or had a panic attack at the thought," Azra amended gloomily, and Anthony nodded slightly, leaning over him again to stroke his cheek slowly.

"Exactly. You've come so far, don't forget that. It might just be a little longer, yeah? But we'll do this together and we'll do it at your pace. Try not to worry about what's coming next until it happens, and if you need to take breaks, you just tell me, okay?" 

Azra nodded slightly, flashing Anthony a slightly nervous smile. "Okay. Thank you." 

"You're always welcome, angel," Anthony grinned, and then kissed him again, ever so softly. Instead of letting him pull away, however, Azra gently drew him back in, deeper this time, his legs spreading again, his body reacting to the alpha on top of him automatically. 

Anthony broke away a moment or two later, slipped his shirt off, and dove back in, smiling against Azra's lips as the omega's hands ran over his bare chest, feeling the skin there. 

Azra's thumb brushed one of Anthony's nipples and he felt the alpha twitch, a sharp intake of breath confirming that he'd found a very sensitive part of Anthony's body. He filed this away for later and parted his lips a little further as Anthony's hands went to the buttons of his shirt. Anthony's hips rolled, this time rubbing his thigh up against Azra, drawing a moan from the omega's lips, just as Anthony finished the last button. He sat back, grinning down at Azra as he helped him wriggle out of the shirt, tossing it aside theatrically. 

Azra laughed nervously, but didn't have long to take in Anthony's bright smile, as he was already ducking down again, hands running all over Azra, grasping at his flesh. Another roll made Azra gasp, his mouth falling open, his hips grinding down against Anthony's leg automatically. 

"Good, you're doing so good," Anthony purred as he pulled away, his lips re-connecting with Azra at the base of his jaw. Azra let his eyes slip closed, his head falling back, his hips rocking against Anthony's now rhythmic, forceful movements. 

Then his leg was gone, that pressure suddenly moving away from him when Anthony slid down, stroking his hands over Azra's sides as he kissed a line down the centre of the omega's chest and stomach, his hands massaging the padding around his hips. Azra let out a happy sigh, and Anthony was back, lips on Azra's neck first, then teeth. A soft, happy cry rang out in the room and Azra knew he'd have a dark mark on his collarbone in the morning. 

Then Anthony's devious, long fingers found Azra's nipple, and the omega's hips jerked, a choked moan getting stuck in his throat as he ground hard against Anthony's leg. Those fingers tugged, twisted, rolled, squeezed, flicked, and Azra's body responded, twitching, gasping, rocking. 

"Look at you, angel. Such a good boy," Anthony purred, and a little burst of euphoria spread through Azra at the sound of 'boy.' Although he'd begun his transition over five years ago, he hadn't had any significant sexual encounters as a man, and the idea that he could be gendered correctly during intercourse was new, and certainly very welcome. 

"A-Anthony!" He gasped, and those lips were there, on his, kissing him so tenderly. Anthony's hands moved a little lower, grabbing at Azra again, his fingers a little rough in their passion, squeezing handfuls of the omega's flesh. Azra's head tipped back again, exposing him, his back arching into Anthony, and another mark was bitten into his skin lightly. Azra ground down again, and then Anthony's lips dragged lower, closing around his nipple, his tongue flicking over it. 

Anthony's hand dipped under the waistband of Azra's underwear and the omega's breath caught in his throat, his body tensing slightly. Fingertips rubbed over his c-section scar lightly, pressing down into his stomach before sliding lower. Azra stopped breathing, and as soon as he felt Anthony's fingers slide over him, he was jerking away, scrambling back against the headboard. He kicked out in an attempt to get himself further from Anthony, his chest suddenly heaving. He could smell blood and see red, panting as pain exploded over the side of his head. He could hear laughter, several men close by, and the click of a camera. The sounds all seemed distant and had a slight echo, but the  _ smell  _ was disturbingly real, metallic and sharp, mixing with the salty scent of tears. 

And then an alpha was added into the mix, this particular, familiar scent making his heart beat fast, his fingers and toes curling in the sheets as he tried to push himself further away, pressing himself back against the headboard. 

"N-no! No, please!" He begged, unable to see, unable to get away, the muscles in his legs twitching uselessly as he sat and sobbed. 

"Azra, sweetheart! Oh God, I'm so sorry!" 

The voice didn't fit. It was tearful and shaky and desperate, and Azra could feel the ghost of a touch on his cheek, then on his other cheek. 

He blinked, and saw golden eyes in front of him, and felt Anthony's hands on his skin. 

Shocked and terrified, Azra glanced around, his chest still heaving, tears pouring down his cheeks, and found only his bedroom. No phantom men, no Gabriel, and certainly no blood. His eyes widened and tears blurred his vision, making Anthony indistinct and odd, as if they were in a hall of mirrors. 

"Would you like a hug, angel?" 

Azra nodded hurriedly, and felt warm skin against his, burying his face in Anthony's shoulder immediately, his sobs catching in his throat as he let go. The emotion all rushed out at once, his fingernails leaving little half-moon imprints on Anthony's back as he clung to him, allowing himself to be rocked from side to side ever so slightly. 

Anthony did his best, but Azra could tell he had no idea how to handle the situation, his voice hesitant and, although gentle, incredibly worried. "It's alright, I'm here," he murmured, over and over. "I've got you. I'm so sorry, angel."

It took Azra roughly ten minutes to stop crying, the memories and the panic fading sufficiently for him to calm down, going limp in Anthony's embrace. The alpha just sat there, stroking his hair, waiting for him to be ready to speak, and after a while, Azra plucked up the courage to lift his head, resting his chin over Anthony's shoulder. 

"I'm sorry," he began softly, but Anthony cut in hurriedly. 

"I'm sure we've talked about you apologising for things that aren't your fault," he said sternly, and Azra rolled his eyes, but continued, still clinging to Anthony. 

"I'm okay, I just...got a bit scared." 

"I'm so sorry," Anthony mumbled, and Azra snorted, squeezing him tighter. 

"You're breaking your own rule. It wasn't your fault, it just...it happens," Azra pointed out despondently, and Anthony shook his head slightly, running his fingers through Azra's curls. 

"I could have done a lot more. I shouldn't have let my excitement get the better of me, I should have taken a bit more time and asked you before every new thing. I will next time, I promise," he murmured, and Azra nodded, letting his eyelids flutter closed as he pressed himself into Anthony's chest. 

"Thank you. I'll be okay."

"I know you will," Anthony purred in response, hugging him just a little tighter before letting go. "How about a proper cuddle?' 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys!   
> Obviously this one is a bit sad, but I hope you still liked it!   
> If you still want a prompt for Valentine's Day, there's still time! I probably won't have them finished (I mean it is tomorrow) but I will do my best to have them done as soon as possible :)   
> Hope you're all doing well! <3<3<3


	15. Chapter Fifteen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING   
> This chapter contains: prescription drug abuse, addiction, non-graphic descriptions of past abuse (relationship and parental), alcoholism.

Just a few short weeks after Anthony's surprise visit, they found themselves caught up in their first fight. 

Once enough time had passed to allow Anthony objective recollection of the events, he had to, on balance, consider himself a twat, but at the time it had seemed much more complicated. 

He'd been stressed about assignments and deadlines piling up, and he'd spend most of the day working solidly, so his reward was allowing himself some escapism. 

He'd popped a couple extra pills as he was wont to do when he was stressed or upset or...well, anything, really, and had settled back to enjoy the familiar relaxing high. 

Unfortunately, Azra had also had the bright idea to reward his partner for working all day, and soon after the pills Anthony had taken had hit their peak, the buzzer for his apartment rang. 

He dragged himself out of bed and wandered over to the door a little unsteadily, pressing the button to buzz him in. 

Anthony leaned against the wall while he waited, then opened the door as soon as Azra knocked, grinning at the omega. 

"Azzzra!" He chuckled, and Azra took a step back, his grip on the dish he was holding suddenly becoming dangerously loose as he stared in horror. Anthony reached out for him sluggishly, and Azra dropped the dish, his eyes wide, his breath ragged. He didn't seem to be able to see Anthony anymore, his eyes distant, his mouth hanging open slightly.

Confused and not quite thinking straight, Anthony tried to grab Azra's arm, causing him to jerk away violently. 

"Don't fucking touch me!" He shouted, tears welling up in his eyes as Anthony tried his best to think through the drugs clouding his mind. 

"Azra, wait, I-" 

But he was already running, and Anthony heard the slam of the lobby door as he left, only the broken dish on the floor to serve as evidence. 

* * *

Once Anthony had sobered up - which took some effort, considering that he really, really didn't want to face his mistake - he tried to call Azra, but every time he tried, it went straight to voicemail. 

After the fifth try, he decided to leave a message, his eyes drifting to the pills sitting on the table.  _ Just one would make it so much easier, just take one, it'll make everything feel better.  _

He squeezed his eyes shut against the thoughts pounding at the back of his mind, the beeping tone cutting through everything. 

"Azra.." he mumbled, before realising he had no idea how to put his emotions into words. "Fuck...angel, I'm so,  _ so  _ sorry. I never wanted you to see me like that. I...I wish I could just...just fix it. I miss you already, I miss your touch and your voice and...oh God...I've really fucked up, haven't I?" He choked, tears welling up as he pressed the heel of his hand against one eye. "Jesus Christ. Azra, you make my life bearable. Well, no, you make it fucking fantastic, but without you, it isn't bearable. I...you apologised to me for being a mess, but sweetheart, I am so much more of a mess than you. I need to talk to you, please call me back. Please, I-...I care about you so so much," he murmured, knowing he was begging now, knowing what he really wanted to say was  _ I love you.  _

But he had the distinct feeling that using the L-word would cause Azra to panic, so he bit it back, swallowing it down for another time, a time when he could hold his partner and comfort him. There was another beep to indicate the message was over and he hung up, dropping the phone into his lap. He buried his face in his hands, trying not to remember that horrified look on Azra's face. Every part of Anthony ached, in ways that were horribly familiar. 

Azra was slipping through his fingers, and he felt the same as he had felt when he'd watched Ben take his last breath. He  _ could not  _ let it happen again. He couldn't lose another person, not like this, not someone so special to him, someone he knew he could spend the rest of his life with. 

_ Not again. _

Shaking, Anthony snatched up the sheet of pills and popped two into his hand, gulping them down before getting up unsteadily and heading into the bedroom. He slammed the door behind him, and collapsed onto the bed, screaming with rage in the privacy of his mind. 

* * *

Anthony spent three days trying to call Azra, shaking and crying as he left voicemail after voicemail, begging and pleading with him. He apologised over and over, made promises about stopping his habit, tried to explain himself. 

On the third day, Azra picked up, shocking Anthony, who sat up from his slouch on the sofa, his breath catching in his throat as he stared at the carpet. 

"Would you stop fucking calling me?" Azra snapped, and Anthony squeezed his eyes shut against the tears. 

"Azra, my angel," he murmured, unable to stop himself from sniffling. "Please, I am so, so sorry. I don't know if you listened to my messages-" 

"I didn't," Azra interrupted bluntly, and Anthony bit down hard on his tongue before continuing softly. 

"I can't tell you how sorry I am, Azra. Truly. And I...I care for you so much, I can't...I can't believe I hurt you like that. Being with you makes me so happy, and...and I'm just...I'm sorry, sweetheart." 

"You wanna know something?" Azra growled, and Anthony winced, the tears spilling over and rolling down his cheeks silently. He could hear the pain behind that anger, and the knowledge that he had caused it felt as if someone had ripped his heart from his chest and set it alight. "You wanna know this game Gabriel would play? He would get high with his friends and tie me up and blindfold me and force me to do all kinds of shit for pictures. Sometimes they'd hang me from the ceiling like a fucking piñata," Azra went on, his voice losing the snarl as he spoke, becoming more and more broken and tearful. Anthony's mouth hung open slightly, his breath shaky and shallow as tears poured down his cheeks. "So forgive me if I don't like being around people when they're fucking high," Azra finished sharply, and Anthony closed his mouth quickly, tasting salt on his tongue. 

"Angel, I...I'm so sorry, I'm so...I wouldn't...oh God," he whimpered, choking back a sob. "I wish I could hug you, I wish I could make it all better. I just want to...I want-" 

"I don't really give a shit about what you want at this point," Azra answered calmly, his voice icy cold. "I trusted you. I put everything out there for you, I had to work so hard just to be in the same room as you. And this is how you repay me?" 

Anthony felt bitterness in his throat, a sense of injustice rising in his chest. After all, he would never have thought to get high around Azra, in the same way that he would never have gotten drunk, and the only reason it happened at all was because Azra had wanted to surprise him. But he knew he couldn't say any of that, and he forced himself to breathe evenly, reminding himself that Azra wasn't exactly thinking straight, but if he could calm him down, maybe they could have a rational conversation. 

"I'm sorry, Azra. I really...I wish there was some other way I could say that that would make you understand how much I wish I could fix this. I know you don't owe me anything, but...I feel like maybe if I could explain myself in person, maybe we could find somewhere that feels like a starting point." 

Azra was quiet for a while, and when he next spoke, his voice was hard and clipped, but Anthony had known him long enough now to hear the fear behind his tone. "Fine. But you can't come to the house. You've lost that privilege because I can't trust you anymore. It needs to be a public place." 

Anthony winced, but after hearing Azra's tearful description of his past, he knew he couldn't refuse. "Of course, angel. I understand. How about the pub?" 

"Tomorrow at six," Azra said flatly, in a way that made it very obvious it wasn't a question. 

"Okay. I'll see you then, sweetheart. I miss you." 

The line went dead and Anthony sighed deeply, eyeing up the sheet of pills in front of him. Then he shook his head slightly and got up, pushing away the sick feeling turning in his stomach. Suddenly getting high seemed much less appealing after Azra's words. 

* * *

Anthony parked and took a deep breath, then slipped his sunglasses off and tucked them into the glovebox. He adjusted his collar and got out of the car, his hands shaking slightly as he locked it. His heart thudded in his ears as he made his way inside, his fingers curled tight in his pockets. He spotted Azra almost immediately, his breath catching in his throat when he saw the dark circles under the omega's eyes. He looked absolutely exhausted, and Anthony felt guilt curl in his stomach, knowing that he'd caused it. 

After another deep breath, he walked over slowly and sat down in front of him, those expressionless blue eyes finally lifting to focus on him. 

"Hey," Anthony murmured, reaching across the table. 

Azra sat back immediately, folding his arms over his chest. "You wanted to explain yourself, so do it," he said sharply, and Anthony nodded slightly, wincing as pain shot up his back. He'd skipped his usual dose that evening, just to be sure, and he was already feeling it. 

"Okay. I um. I guess I'll start from the beginning. You know how I have um...scars on my back?" He said slowly, and Azra nodded, his face still carefully blank. Anthony swallowed and looked down, wishing he could just hold those plump hands and wrap his angel up in a soothing hug. 

"Well, my um...my mother saw me doing something that um...she didn't like. It was just...I wore this outfit that she didn't like, and um...she pushed me down the stairs. I damaged my spine, my lower back, and it's permanent, as far as I've been told. So I've been on some pretty heavy painkillers since I was seventeen." 

Azra's eyes softened slightly and a flicker of hope passed through Anthony's chest, tightening his throat as he went on. 

"I met Ben not too long after, and you know how that ends. After he died, I just...I really couldn't cope with life. I think my grief made the pain worse, because my brain just...it didn't know what to do with all that sadness, so it assumed there had to be physical pain. I started taking more and more of my painkillers, until it became a habit. It was easier to take a handful of pills and find the bottom of a bottle of vodka than think about Ben." 

Azra's eyes flashed and Anthony winced, nodding slightly. 

"I um. I lied to you about drinking, I'm very sorry. But I don't...I wouldn't ever drink around you, I don't do that. And I've been cutting down a lot, I only have a glass of wine once or twice a week now. Look, the drinking...and the drugs, it was all a crutch because I didn't think I could survive without Ben. Since meeting you, I haven't been drunk at all. The alcohol...for me, it's fairly easy, I can stop. But the painkillers are...they're much, much harder." 

Azra looked away, his bottom lip wobbling, and Anthony reached out again, not trying to take his hand this time, but just offering his own. 

"Azra, sweetheart, I know it's a problem. I-" 

"You need to get help," Azra snapped, and Anthony nodded slowly. 

"I know, angel. I was just gonna say that. I need help because I can't just stop, it's dangerous and they're very addictive. But I...I really don't think I can do it without you. You don't have to be there, you don't have to hold my hand if it scares you, but I just...I need that assurance that when I come out the other side, there'll be a chance that you and I can still...can still work." 

Azra shook his head slightly, closing his eyes as he started to tremble. "I can't...I can't make promises. I can't go through that again, I can't let that happen again." 

Anthony nodded slightly, taking a deep breath. "Okay. I...I'll try. I want to get better, I can do it. And I...I care for you so much, Azra. I wish you'd listen to my messages, I-" 

"I did, I lied when I said I didn't," Azra said stiffly, looking down at his lap. Anthony winced, reaching out for him again, desperate to feel that warm skin under his. 

"Azra, I...I need you." 

"No, you don't. That's not healthy."

"I know it's not healthy, that doesn't change how I feel," Anthony sighed, starting to feel a bit exasperated, trapped.

"I should go," Azra announced sharply, getting up quickly and refusing to make eye contact. 

"Wait, I-" 

Anthony tried to grab Azra's arm, but stopped himself, wincing as the omega hurried past him and out of the pub without a backward glance.

Anthony sat for a while, staring at nothing, his whole body feeling numb and heavy. Then he got up slowly, pushing his chair in before heading for his car, every step feeling as if his legs were made of concrete. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys!   
> So I know I normally update every other day, but I thought I'd put something up for Valentine's Day - then realised this is one of the least romantic chapters in the entire fic!   
> I apologise for the timing, but I hope you still enjoyed this chapter, even if it's rather angsty. I wanted to get something up, anyway, because my physical and mental health have both gone downhill again, so I felt like doing something that made me feel a bit better :)   
> ***WARNING***  
> I'm going to put this here as well as at the beginning of the next chapter to give people time to message me if they like - the next chapter contains a very dramatic trip to the hospital (I don't want to give too many spoilers away, but it's along the lines of this chapter), so if you think this may be triggering for you, please contact me!   
> Take care <3<3


	16. Chapter Sixteen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **WARNING**  
> (These warnings are quite detailed and contain some spoilers btw) 
> 
> This chapter contains: drug overdose, hospital trip, near death, talk of drug detox.

Azra had just put Emily to bed when he got a phone call the next evening. The ringer was still on, so he picked up hurriedly, before the tone could wake Emily and before he could read the caller ID. 

"Hello?" 

"H-Hey," Anthony answered, his voice a little ragged, his breathing quick and raspy. "I'm...I'm really sorry to ask you this...I'm so, so sorry, a-and if I had anyone else to ask, I would. But um. I took a lot of pills. I...I couldn't remember how many I'd taken, so I took a couple more a-and now I...I can't breathe so well," he rushed out, and Azra stared wide eyed at nothing, his heart beating heavy in his ears. 

"Have you thrown up at all?" He asked sharply, and heard a rustling sound in the background. 

"Y-yeah...I...will you take me to the h-hospital?" 

Azra winced, taking a deep breath. "Yeah, but I need to drop Em at Anathema's.." 

"O-okay. I can wait, I'll be okay," Anthony mumbled, and Azra bit his lip lightly. 

"If it gets much worse, call an ambulance, alright?" 

"Okay." 

* * *

Azra pulled up outside Anthony's apartment block, and a huddled figure stood up from the stairs outside, hurrying over to the car. 

Anthony got in and Azra grabbed his chin, leaning in to see his eyes. Anthony looked rather startled, but his pupils were contracted almost to pinpricks, barely visible. 

"Oh for-" Azra snapped, shoving Anthony's head away and slamming the car into gear. "Why the fuck didn't you call an ambulance, you fucking idiot?" 

Anthony winced, struggling to do up his seatbelt as Azra floored it out of the intersection and around a roundabout. 

"I...it wasn't that bad," he mumbled, and Azra rolled his eyes. 

"Not that bad! How many did you take? Did you bring the packet?" 

Anthony buried his face in his hands, his whole body trembling. "I-I don't know, I think maybe six?" 

"You think? That doesn't sound like enough," Azra asked sharply, and Anthony groaned. 

"I know, I just...I don't know how many!" 

Azra took a deep breath, trying to keep himself calm. "You're on ten milligrams, right?" 

"Y-yeah," Anthony mumbled, sliding his hands up into his hair and pulling on the soft red strands. "My stomach hurts.." 

Azra slammed on the breaks for a red light and leaned over hurriedly, pressing his fingers to the side of Anthony's neck firmly. His pulse was already weak, and Azra smacked the back of his head lightly. 

"Idiot," he hissed, and Anthony sighed, pressing the heels of his hands into his eyes as he bent over, groaning softly. 

"God, it hurts," he moaned, and Azra floored it away from the green light, his hand rubbing slow circles into Anthony's back. 

"Good, teach you not to fucking do it again," he snapped, and Anthony whimpered quietly. 

"It was an accident!" 

Azra glared at the road, then swerved down a turning last-minute, finding the correct car park after some swearing, and parking with a screech of tyres. He helped Anthony out of the car, trying not to think too much about the way his breathing sounded so laboured and shaky. Anthony stumbled and Azra wrapped an arm around him, steadying him. 

"Jesus, you're heavy," he mumbled, and Anthony grabbed onto him, managing to start walking forward. 

"I'm sorry, so sorry," he groaned, and Azra squeezed him gently, shushing him softly. 

"I know, I know you are," he murmured, his frantic worry diminishing now that the glowing neon sign was within his sights. "I'm glad you called me, Anthony. Come on." 

Anthony managed to get himself back under control, his hands shaking slightly, but his walk becoming almost normal as Azra led him inside and all the way up to the desk. Azra explained what had happened as quickly as possible, and within a few minutes, two nurses had led Anthony away, talking to him quietly. 

As soon as Anthony was out of sight, Azra relaxed, slumping into a waiting room chair and staring at the floor. Now that Anthony was someone else's problem, it was much less worrying, and Azra was able to take a step back. Anthony had still been able to walk and talk, and his breathing, although a bit raspy, had still been even. He was going to be fine, and Azra could go back to being angry. And frightened. 

It was hard to be frightened of an alpha that could barely stand up, he had to admit that, at least. 

Azra picked up a random magazine and tried to focus on the pages, but his mind kept drifting off to other things, distracting him from the brainless celebrity gossip. 

Until the shouting started. 

It was loud and sharp, cutting through Azra's thoughts and causing him to look up in surprise. He saw the doctors running, following the path Anthony had taken, and dread sunk in, heavy and cold, settling through his body and piling up in drifts around his heart and lungs. 

He got up slowly, as if moving through treacle, and stepped forward, following the sound. He could hear someone shouting something about 'crashing,' another person yelling for more naloxone. 

Azra's breathing nearly stopped altogether as he found the room filled with nurses and doctors, caught the flash of red hair as the thin blue curtain was drawn. His eyes widened, tears blurring everything together for a moment before spilling down his cheeks, hot and unheeded. Everything sounded muffled as if he was underwater, except the repeated shouts of 'clear,' cutting through the babble to assault his ears. 

Sobs bubbled up, crawling out of his throat, nearly sending him to his knees as the world fell apart around him. An arm wrapped around his shoulders and he tried to twist away, tried to run for the door, screaming Anthony's name, even though he couldn't hear his own voice. 

He was pulled back, the door swinging shut, gentle hands tugging him away. 

"Hey, hey, it's alright. It's okay, come sit with me." 

The voice was soft and feminine, but Azra could still hear the muffled shouting, and he tried to break away, just as more hands gently began to guide him back to the waiting room. 

Eyes fixed on him; everyone in the room staring at him as he staggered over to a chair and fell into it, tears still streaming down his cheeks. A tissue was pressed into his hand and he stared at it as if he'd never seen one before, his whole body feeling numb and useless. 

A hand stroked through his hair and he jumped, looking up into comforting green eyes. 

"Hey," the nurse smiled, in the same voice he'd heard just a few long moments ago. "Take deep breaths. Is he your mate?" 

Azra blinked, then shook his head slowly. "My partner," he replied, without having to think, despite the fact that he'd made a conscious effort to never label their relationship in his mind. "I-is he okay?" 

The nurse glanced towards the hallway worriedly, then took Azra's shaking hand carefully, squeezing it. "What's your name, hon?" 

"A-Azra," he choked out, and she smiled. 

"That's a nice name, I haven't heard it before. That's it, keep taking deep breaths for me. I'm going to stay with you until a doctor comes out, okay? It shouldn't be long." 

Azra managed a shaky nod, tears still running down his cheeks as he tried to brush them away. "I-I'm sorry," he mumbled, and she smiled sadly, squeezing his hand tightly. 

"It's alright, it's a very scary situation to see someone you love in. They can go from absolutely fine to completely crashed in such a short space of time. But he's young and healthy." 

Azra nodded again, staring down at his lap as he tried to smooth out the crumpled tissue with shaking hands. "Th-they were using a defibrillator, weren't they?" 

The nurse sighed and ran her hand up and down his arm soothingly, her soft smile fading. "Yes." 

Azra squeezed his eyes shut, burying his face in his hands as a fresh round of tears threatened to spill. He didn't know what to say, how to express the panic and grief and fear rising up all at once to overwhelm him. 

"It's alright, Azra. Take deep breaths, that's it," the nurse soothed, and he dropped his hands away from his face, glaring at the floor. 

Anthony wasn't going to die. He needed him too much for that to happen, he wasn't  _ allowed _ to die. Even if they'd had some problems, he knew that he couldn't let Anthony go, certainly not like this. 

After a few more minutes, Azra heard footsteps and looked up at the tired, but smiling face of a rather tall doctor. 

"Azra Fell?" She asked softly, and he nodded, starting to tremble slightly as she walked closer. 

"Anthony is stabilised, if you'd like to come sit with him," she announced, and Azra was out of his chair almost before she'd finished, following her off down the hall hurriedly. 

He was led into the room he'd seen before, just as the curtain was pinned back by a nurse, leaving Azra weak with relief. 

Anthony looked white as a sheet, a breathing tube down his throat, an IV in his arm. His shirt lay in tatters on the floor, where it had been cut to allow the defibrillator paddles to touch his skin. But he was  _ breathing.  _

Azra stared for a moment, then allowed the doctor to steer him over to the chair beside the bed, helping him sit down gently. 

"That's it, Azra. Deep breaths," she murmured while he stared at Anthony, watching his chest rise and fall and reminding himself that he was alive and okay and right there in front of him. "He's stable now, but we've found a defect in his heart, that's why he crashed so suddenly on us. It's congenital, and shouldn't be too much of a problem for him, as long as he moves away from these drugs and takes care of his health. He was officially dead for three minutes and forty-seven seconds while he was revived. We'll investigate his heart more when he's awake, but because of the issue, we're going to keep him here until he's finished detoxing, as it could make it more dangerous for him to attempt at home." 

Azra stared at Anthony's face blankly, barely registering the doctor's words, his mind too numb and overwhelmed to process anything correctly. 

"We'll find an alternate medication to treat his back pain, but he shouldn't be taking anything this strong again, not with his heart condition." 

Azra nodded dreamily, then watched the doctor get up, his vision a bit blurry with exhaustion. 

"He'll be okay, so just keep him company, I'll be back in a bit to check on him." 

Once she was gone, Azra scooted his chair closer to the bed and leaned forward, resting his arms on it, then his head on his arms, his face turned towards Anthony's head. One of his hands found the alpha's, fingers intertwining, and his eyes began to close almost immediately, the exhausting effects of his distraught panic taking their toll all at once. 

* * *

Azra woke with a start some time later, feeling fingers in his hair, playing with his soft curls weakly. He opened his eyes quickly and saw Anthony smiling down at him, his skin much less pale, his soft golden eyes back to normal. 

"Hey, sweetheart," he murmured, and Azra's eyes widened, filling with tears as he sat up hurriedly. 

"Jesus fucking Christ! Don't you ever fucking scare me like that again, you-" he snapped, and Anthony laughed, gently grabbing at his shirt, pulling him closer to the bed. 

"Shh, Azra, shhh, don't shout, angel," he said quickly, his hand finding Azra's cheek. 

Azra immediately turned his face into the touch, tears spilling down his cheeks as his eyelids fluttered closed. 

"I'm alright, sweetheart. I'm so sorry for scaring you, truly." 

Azra gently shook the hand off him and lunged forward, wrapping his arms around Anthony as best he could. The alpha gasped in pain, but hugged back tightly, one hand cradling the back of Azra's head gently.

"Oh, angel. It's okay, I promise," Anthony soothed, and Azra let the second round of tears spill, his face pressed into the crook of Anthony's neck, his fingers curled in the scratchy hospital sheets. "We're okay." 

After a good few seconds of inhaling Anthony's scent, allowing it to calm him, soothe his panic, Azra gently pulled away from the hug, sitting back carefully. Anthony's hands slid from him, the alpha wincing as he settled back onto the mattress. 

"You look awful," Azra murmured, and Anthony chuckled softly, nodding slightly. 

"I feel incredibly shitty," he answered, just as a doctor appeared in the doorway, smiling. 

"Mr. Crowley, you're awake. How do you feel?" 

Anthony groaned softly, closing his eyes for a moment or two. "Achy, cold, anxious, my head hurts...the usual," he mumbled, and Azra took his hand gently, giving it a light squeeze. Anthony shot him a weak smile and the doctor nodded. 

"Yeah, it's going to be a bit of a bumpy ride, I'm afraid," she sighed, leaning back against the wall and checking her clipboard. "The good news is that you're going to stay here in the hospital while you detox, so we'll be able to make you at least a bit more comfortable. The bad news is that the reason we'll be taking care of you is that we've found a defect in your heart. We're not entirely sure what it is yet, we need to run more tests, but it's the reason you crashed so quickly and had to be revived, so you need to be kept under observation in case any further issues arise while you detox." 

Anthony nodded slightly, taking a deep breath. "Okay. That's definitely mixed news," he mumbled, shifting position slightly and wincing.

"Unfortunately so," the doctor answered sympathetically, flipping a piece of paper on her clipboard. "A couple of nurses should be coming in a moment to move you to a different ward, so we have our A&E bed back. Another doctor will take over from there and order your tests, alright?" 

"Yes, thank you very much," Anthony smiled, and watched her go, then sank back and closed his eyes for a moment. 

"I'm...I'm going to call Anathema," Azra announced, suddenly needing to unload to someone, now that the immediate pressure to be there with Anthony was gone. 

Anthony opened his eyes lazily and smiled softly. "Alright, angel." 

Azra ignored the blush rising to his cheeks and slipped out of the room, slipping his phone out of his pocket as he hurried into the lobby. 

One tap on the contact and the phone was ringing. Anathema picked up just before the third ring, sounding a bit out of breath. 

"Azra?" 

Azra stared at the ground for a moment, shaking slightly, then let out a quiet sigh. "Anthony...he um. He's okay now, but he overdosed a-and died for a bit, s-scared the shit out of me." 

"Oh, honey, are you alright?" Anathema asked gently, and Azra sniffed, taking a deep breath. 

"Y-yeah, just a bit shaken up. I...it was really scary." 

"I can't imagine, I'm so sorry, Azra. Is he awake and everything?" 

"Yeah," Azra mumbled, pinching the bridge of his nose. "He's talking fine and everything, I might have sworn at him quite a bit," he added with a shaky chuckle. "But they've found a problem with his heart, and if he keeps taking the drugs.." 

"Jeez," Anathema sighed, pausing for a moment before speaking again. "I'm sure he'll be okay, though. He has you now, I'm sure he'll be able to stop taking them if it was all about Ben." 

"I hope so," Azra mumbled, rubbing the side of his face shakily. "I really care about him, I do."

"I know you do, honey. And I know he cares about you the same way, and if you hold onto that, you'll get through this. Go spend time with him." 

"Okay. Is Em okay?" Azra asked quickly, and Anathema chuckled softly. 

"Yeah, she's playing chess with Newt and I think she's beating him. We should have dinner tonight if you're going to be back."

"Yeah, I'll let you know when I leave the hospital and I'll come over. He's staying here for a few days to detox." 

"Good. Less messy for you, and much safer." 

"Yep. I'll see you later, love you," Azra smiled, feeling much more settled as he glanced towards Anthony's room. 

"Love you too, Azra." 

Anathema hung up and Azra walked back down the hall, finding Anthony's bed already being wheeled out of the room. He jogged to catch up, silently taking Anthony's hand and holding it all the way to the elevator. The nurses simply smiled at him, and Anthony looked a bit out of it, so Azra kept quiet until Anthony was finally settled in his new room after plenty of fussing over his IV and heart monitor. 

"You look exhausted," Anthony murmured, breaking the silence first and smiling slightly when Azra looked at him in surprise. 

"And you look even worse than earlier," he retorted, making Anthony chuckle softly. 

"Yeah, I feel worse. Look, Azra. This is going to be bad. I'm going to be sick everywhere, I'm going to be angry and achy and I'm going to be dealing with really bad cravings. I mean this in the nicest possible way - I don't want you here," he murmured, his smile fading into a serious look. "I don't want you to see me like this, not if you're already feeling like you can't trust me. I'll be fine with a couple of books and this shitty TV they've given me." 

Azra sighed, sitting down on the edge of the bed and starting to rub slow circles into Anthony's chest. "It wouldn't bother me, Anthony. But if that's what you want, I'll respect it. You have your phone, don't you?" 

Anthony nodded, resting his hand over Azra's and squeezing gently. "Yeah, I'll call you if anything changes." 

Azra smiled sadly and took Anthony's hand, running his thumb over his knuckles slowly. "Alright. I'll come by this evening and bring you some stuff, you'll need a phone charger at least." 

Anthony smiled in response, then reached up, gently pushing at Azra's side. "Go on, before I start throwing up."

Azra chuckled softly and rolled his eyes, giving Anthony's hand one last squeeze before getting up and heading out of the room. He hesitated in the doorway, just long enough to glance back and see Anthony already closing his eyes, his body relaxing. 

Reluctant, but knowing that Anthony was right and it was the best thing, Azra slipped out of the room and headed for his car. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! Look at me updating three days in a row! I'm going to leave the next one until Monday, but I'm still very sick and annoyed so I thought updating would make me feel better :)   
> I really love having conversations with you guys in the comments, so thank you so much for that! I always like talking about my writing, and a lot of the issues I write about are very close to me, so I enjoy talking about them, even if they're heavy topics.   
> Anyway, I know this chapter is a bit heartbreaking, but I hope you enjoyed it! Let me know what you thought <3


	17. Chapter Seventeen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter contains: chronic illness, eating disorder behaviour.

Anthony did up the last button on his shirt and slipped out from behind the curtain, flashing Azra a weak smile. 

"You look almost human again," Azra teased gently, and Anthony winced. 

"I still don't feel it," he muttered, trying to take the omega's hand and gritting his teeth when Azra jerked away. 

He didn't say anything, though, instead shoving his hands in his pockets and simply following Azra through the hospital hallways. 

"So, what was the upshot of all those tests you had yesterday?" Azra asked, and Anthony shrugged, still feeling a bit moody. 

"Aortic valve stenosis," he answered bluntly, enunciating every syllable. "Means I was born with a narrow aortic valve. They're going to monitor me over the next few months to decide if I need surgery or not." 

"Well, at least they know what it is and all," Azra commented, and Anthony nodded distantly. He was still feeling achy and a bit cold, and his back was starting to play up already. "Did they give you your new painkillers alright?" 

"Yeah," Anthony said quietly, not bothering to complain about the fact that they barely worked. 

"That's good," Azra hummed, leading Anthony out of the hospital doors and towards the car park. Anthony sighed, dropping behind him slightly, dragging his feet. 

He didn't want to leave the hospital, in some ways. Azra had been so kind to him, coming down every day to at least check in on him, often holding his hand or stroking his cheek. Anthony had, although he would never admit it, rather enjoyed the attention, and he had a creeping feeling that out in the real world, things would be a bit different. 

He was well aware that he looked harmless in a hospital bed, but now they were heading back to Azra's house, and he didn't want to face the fact that he'd fucked up. 

* * *

They rode in silence all the way back to Azra's, and Anthony got out of the car first, grabbing his bag and trying to ignore the sharp pain in his back. He followed Azra into the house, keeping a little distance between them, and set his bag down on the couch. 

"Are you hungry?" 

Anthony looked up in surprise. "It's nine p.m." 

"Yeah, are you hungry?" Azra repeated, his stance slightly defensive, an irritated bite in his words. 

Anthony sighed and shook his head, sinking down into the welcome softness of the couch cushions. 

"I'll go get you some pajamas," Azra announced, and Anthony nodded, watching him go and trying to ignore that burning desire to wrap him up in a hug and kiss all over his cheeks. He needed affection, he needed to give it and receive it and bask in it. 

Dragging his hands down his face, Anthony reflected that him almost dying probably wasn't going to make Azra feel any better. It hadn't been his intention, he hadn't even meant to take too many, but he felt sick knowing that he'd probably just added another trauma to Azra's long, long list. 

"Here you go." 

He jumped, looking up into Azra's soft blue eyes. He took the pajama trousers and sweater carefully, slightly confused. 

"The radiator in here is broken, I didn't want you to get cold," Azra explained quietly, and Anthony nodded slightly, watching him slip into the kitchen. He sighed again and changed hurriedly, smiling to himself when he realised how absolutely huge the sweater was on him. Azra liked his clothes loose, and although Anthony was taller than him, he was rather stouter, and the sleeves of the soft sweater were dangling off Anthony's hands. 

But this comforting looseness - reminding Anthony of wearing a blanket - paled in comparison to the scent. 

It absolutely  _ stank  _ of Azra, of his warmth, of that sweet, enticing omega scent, of lavender and vanilla and baking. Anthony buried his face in it and felt his whole body relax, the smell soothing him, wrapping around him, holding him in its comfort. 

After a few long moments, Anthony sat back, hugging himself tightly and closing his eyes, his head tilting back against the cushions. He could hear Azra moving around in the kitchen, and the sounds were soothing, reminding him that he wasn't alone. 

Footsteps, soft on the carpet, moved towards him, and he opened his eyes just as Azra offered him a mug. 

"Warm vanilla milk," he explained softly, his cheeks colouring slightly. "I make it for Emily when she can't sleep." 

Anthony took the mug carefully, his heart thudding in his chest, the tender thoughtfulness sending him reeling in delighted shock. 

"Thank you," he said sincerely, and Azra sat down beside him slowly, his shoulders tense. 

Anthony reached over and rested a hand on his back tentatively, drawing back sharply when he flinched. 

"Sorry," Anthony muttered, and Azra huffed an irritated breath. 

"It's fine, I just...it annoys me too," he mumbled, looking down at his hands. Anthony had to squash the urge to pull him into a tight hug, his hands itching to run through those soft curls. "How are you feeling?" 

Anthony blinked, then took a long sip from the hot milk, surprised at how delicious it was. "Um. Not great, really. I'll be okay, though. I've got this new addiction specialist therapist and I'll try going to AA...I just...this whole thing has made me really nervous, I guess. I really don't want to have surgery." 

Azra nodded slightly, finally sitting back on the couch, but still looking down at his hands. "Yeah, heart surgery is terrifying. But you probably won't have to have it, you haven't had any symptoms before now," he pointed out softly, and Anthony nodded slightly. 

"Yeah. Look, I'm...I'm really sorry, Azra, I-" 

"I've heard enough apologies," Azra interrupted gently, flashing Anthony a soft, slightly sad smile. "I know that you're sorry, I do. But it's still going to take some time. In the meantime, I am here for you, I still care about you, I just...I can't just be normal again." 

"I understand," Anthony sighed, looking down at the floor and forcing a smile. "I don't like it, but I understand. I haven't apologised for dying on you, though," he joked softly, and Azra snorted, smiling to himself. 

"True. That was a bit rude." 

Silence fell for a moment or two, and then Azra got up, not quite looking at Anthony. 

"I'm going to have an early night, I'll see you in the morning," he announced shortly, and Anthony nodded, the overly formal, stiff tone making him absolutely miserable. 

"Goodnight." 

* * *

Anthony woke to sunlight on his face, and was briefly disoriented, not exactly sure where he was. It didn't take him long to figure out that he wasn't in the hospital anymore, but it took him quite a while to realise that he was in Azra's living room. 

After getting up and wandering around for a minute or two, he also realised there was a distinct lack of Azra. One glance at his watch made it obvious why - it was nearly lunchtime. 

Anthony groaned and leaned back against the wall, wondering why Azra hadn't woken him. He figured the answer was quite clear; it had to be because Azra didn't really want him around. 

He took a slow breath and then went back to the kitchen. A quick search found a pen and some paper, so he scribbled a short note, having to think for a moment before he signed it. 

_ Angel,  _

_ I thought I probably ought to get out of your hair. I don't want to make things more difficult for you, and I want to respect your need for things to slow down again. I hope you know that you mean so much to me, and that I'm so, so grateful for what you've done for me. I've borrowed ten pounds from your cash jar for a cab home, but I'll give it back as soon as I next see you.  _

_ Miss you already,  _

_ Anthony xx _

When Anthony got home, he took a few deep breaths, then cleaned the entire apartment, tidying everything away, scrubbing the sinks, mopping the kitchen floor. Once everything was gleaming, he very carefully undressed, laying Azra's jumper on his pillow before running himself a bath. 

It felt ridiculously good to be soaking again, the hot water soothing his aggravated back as he sank deeper into the water, his head tipping back. He let out a soft sigh and closed his eyes, dragging his fingertips through the water in front of him. 

Anthony had to admit that he felt better than he'd expected, and as he lay in the tub, enjoying the feel of the water, he reflected on the past few years. 

They hadn't been wasted; he couldn't allow himself to waste time, mainly because Ben would have hated it. But they hadn't been good. 

He hadn't enjoyed himself, he hadn't felt like he was living - he'd felt like a dead man walking, going through the motions and taking more and more drugs to keep himself together. 

It was different when he was with Azra. It was similar to how he'd felt with Ben - that fizzy, lively feeling, but even then, there was something different. Something calm and comforting about being around the omega, something he hadn't really felt with Ben. 

With Azra, Anthony could enjoy silence, he could enjoy just laying with him or eating with him, or even reading beside him. Ben had always been so energetic, so ready for anything, that they'd never been able to have those calm times. And those calm, easy moments made Anthony feel more alive, more himself than any evening in with Ben had made him feel. 

Maybe it all boiled down to Ben trying to pack as much living as possible into what he had known was a limited time, while Azra had a much more laid-back outlook. In any case, Anthony was already missing those silent moments, craving them even more than he had wanted - needed - his pills while he was detoxing. 

In fact, he was surprised at how little he thought about medication. He didn't feel the itch to reach for it, he didn't feel any kind of need, as he was simply too preoccupied with thinking about Azra and his embrace. He knew it wasn't likely to last, that something would rise up and smack him in the face with a sudden need to be high, but for now, it was a good sign. 

Anthony sighed and sank lower into the water again, just as his phone buzzed on the floor. He groaned and picked it up quickly, checking the caller ID before answering. 

"Hey, sweetheart." 

There was a pause on the other end, then a sigh. "Hey. Why didn't you stay?" 

"I wasn't sure if you wanted me there," Anthony answered honestly, stifling a yawn. "Did you get my note?" 

"Yeah, I did. I'm gonna charge you interest," Azra joked softly, although his tone was too heavy, as if he was forcing a smile. 

"If you like, angel," Anthony murmured, sitting up slightly and leaning against the side of the tub. "Are you okay?" 

"Just tired," Azra said, a bit too quickly. "How are you?" 

"Good, I cleaned my apartment and now I'm in the bath," Anthony hummed, deciding not to push Azra for now, his fingers curling a little tighter around his phone. "I'm feeling quite good, actually. Apart from a bit of pain." 

"I'm glad you're well," Azra responded softly, his tone much more sincere this time. "I thought your note was quite sweet, actually. And um...you mean a lot to me too, you know." 

"Good. I um...I miss you."

"I miss you too," Azra mumbled, and Anthony took a deep breath, opening his mouth to speak just as Azra continued quietly. "I'm gonna call you every night, make sure you're not doing anything stupid," he said firmly, and Anthony's shoulders dropped slightly, a smile spreading across his face. 

"Please do. I love listening to your voice." 

There was another short pause before Azra answered, sounding just a tad shaky. "Thank you. I...maybe we could go to a restaurant sometime, I heard there's a new one just opened this weekend." 

"Are you asking me on a date?" Anthony purred, and was gratified to hear a soft laugh from the omega. 

"Well, we're partners, aren't we? Isn't that what we do?" 

Anthony's mouth fell open, words getting stuck in his throat, his eyes wide. "We are?" He asked very slowly, his voice trembling slightly. 

Azra cleared his throat, suddenly nervous. "Y-yeah, I mean, I thought-"

"Good," Anthony cut in gently, halting Azra's panic in its tracks, his heart pounding in his ears. "I...I like the sound of that. And the date, I'd love to see you." 

"How about the day after tomorrow? I have a half shift, so I could meet you for lunch while Emily's still in school," Azra suggested softly, his tone enthusiastic and positive. 

"I would love that. Let me know where you want to go and what time, and I'll be there," Anthony smiled, closing his eyes and simply enjoying the prospect of going on another date with his stunning  _ partner.  _

"Okay. I'll see you then." 

"Yeah...bye, Azra."

"Bye." 

* * *

Anthony slipped through the restaurant doors, once again about five minutes late, as he'd spent far too much time worrying about his hair and his outfit. He wanted to look good for their first date after all the mess, but he knew he probably shouldn't have over-thought it quite so much. In any case, he spotted Azra quite quickly and hurried over, sliding into the chair across from him and smiling as he looked up sharply. 

"Hey," Anthony said quickly, and Azra smiled weakly, giving a small nod. 

"Hey, how are you?" 

Anthony settled back in his seat, glancing around the new restaurant curiously. "Yeah, I'm good. Threw out all my alcohol yesterday. Well, 'all' sounds a bit dramatic, it was two bottles of wine and a mostly empty bottle of bailey's, but anyway. It's gone," he smiled, gratified to see Azra's eyes softening, the hint of a smile twitching at the corners of his lips. "How are you? How's Em? She had her big poem recital thing yesterday, right?" 

Azra's whole demeanour relaxed slightly, obviously glad that the focus was shifting away from him. "Yeah, she did really well. She told me she was really nervous about it, but she got an A." 

"Good, tell her I'm pleased for her," Anthony said softly, and Azra blushed, looking away slightly. 

"You know...you're not...I mean-" 

Anthony's heart sank, his own cheeks flushing as he sat back quickly. "I'm not her dad, I know. I'm sorry, I just-" 

"Stop," Azra interrupted quietly, holding up a hand. "That wasn't what I was going to say." 

Anthony shut his mouth with a soft snap, his cheeks definitely on fire. 

"I was going to say that you're not banned from the house. You can...you can come by, and stuff. I just...need notice," Azra went on in the same quiet, uncertain tone. He looked down briefly, then his blue eyes flickered back up to meet Anthony's gaze. "She misses you." 

Anthony swallowed, knowing that was probably as close as Azra was going to get to saying 'I miss you' to his face. "I'd like that. Maybe I can come babysit Friday?" 

Azra nodded, looking away again, his shoulders once again drawn up, tense. "Have you been taking anything?" 

Anthony shook his head slowly, reaching across the table to lay his hand in front of Azra. "No, angel, I haven't. Apart from my new meds for my back, and I'm sticking to the recommended dose. It's hard, but I'm working on it, I promise." 

"Good," Azra said quietly, his eyes fixed on Anthony's hand. "I...I can't go through that again," he mumbled, suddenly sounding rather tearful. Anthony swallowed hard, wanting to get up and pull him into a hug, squeeze him and hold him and assure him it would be okay, but knowing that he couldn't. "I can't feel that way again, I...I thought you were going to die." 

Anthony closed his eyes for a moment, then turned his hand over to lay palm up on the table. "Hey. I'm here now, sweetheart. I'm not going anywhere, I promise. I care about you and Emily far too much for that. I know I made some stupid mistakes, but I'm not going to make them again." 

Blue eyes lifted slowly, awash with tears, and Anthony just stared back, offering the most comforting smile he could manage. "It's okay, Azra, I promise." 

"You'd better be right," Azra threatened, a smile tugging at his lips again, his fingertip tracing a circle on Anthony's palm. 

"When am I not?" Anthony joked, just as the waiter came over to ask for their order. Once they'd made it clear they needed a few more minutes, the waiter left and Anthony relaxed, watching dreamily as Azra kept tracing shapes on his hand. 

"We should look at the menu," he said after a moment or two, and Azra nodded distantly. 

"I'm not very hungry."

Suspicion crept in, cold and worrying. "Yeah? How much have you eaten today, sweetheart?" 

Azra shrugged, his hand going still for a couple heartbeats. "Don't know." 

"Probably not enough, then," Anthony pointed out gently, and Azra sighed, his moody gaze drifting up to meet Anthony's while the alpha moved his hand back across the table to pick up the menu. 

"Probably not," he muttered, and Anthony sighed, trying to focus on the words in front of him. 

"I'm not trying to tell you what to do," he said after a long moment, and Azra let out a deep breath. 

"I know," he answered simply, and picked up the menu. 

After quite a long silence, Anthony set his menu down at last, having chosen his meal. He gazed at Azra for a short while, studying those bright eyes and captivatingly shiny curls, trying not to think too much about kissing him, about laying with him in bed and cuddling him close. 

The waiter interrupted his thoughts again and they both ordered, handing their menus over and watching him walk away. Then Azra turned back to Anthony, his gaze slightly thoughtful. 

"I like having you around," he announced quietly, resting one elbow on the table and putting his chin in his hand. "I wish it was easier." 

"Me too," Anthony answered simply, nodding slightly. "I want to help out more."

"I'm managing just fine," came the stiff response, and Anthony sighed softly, nodding again. 

"I know, angel. You don't need help, I know that, but it's still nice sometimes. What if I cooked you and Emily dinner a few nights a week? When was the last time you had time for a Sunday roast?" 

Azra shrugged, looking away slightly. "I'm not sure. It would definitely be a help, I just...can I think about it?" 

Anthony smiled, letting his foot 'accidentally' bump up against Azra's under the table. "Yeah, of course. I just want to try and make it up to you." 

Azra shook his head, looking down at the table and running his finger over a scratch in the wood. "You don't have to. I'm not angry with you, honestly. Not anymore, anyway. I was to start with, because I knew that it would ruin what we'd worked so hard on, but now I know that we just have to get back to work." He lifted his gaze to Anthony's and smiled sadly. "I really like you, Anthony. And that's not changing anytime soon, even if I need some time to build back up." 

Anthony nodded slightly, trying not to get too emotional. "Good. I really like you too, Azra. I'll be here, no matter how long it takes, I promise."

Azra smiled softly and opened his mouth to reply, but was interrupted by the waiter hurrying over with their plates. They both thanked him quietly, and Azra went to pick up his knife and fork, but hesitated, then drew his hands back slowly, rubbing his wrist. 

"You okay, angel?" 

Azra nodded without looking up, swallowing hard, and Anthony winced, experimentally picking up his own cutlery. Azra followed suit, but didn't start to eat until Anthony did, making the alpha feel a bit sick. 

After a while, he set his cutlery down to take a drink of water, and there was a clink of metal against china across from him. He looked up to see Azra staring down at his plate, his jaw tight, his eyes slightly shiny, and sighed deeply. 

"Azra, sweetheart, I thought we were past this. You don't have to-" 

"Just...just don't," Azra said sharply, taking a ragged breath in. "Alright?" 

"No, not alright, I'm worried about you," Anthony retorted without thinking, and Azra looked away, the muscles in his jaw working. 

"Well, you're not helping," he snapped, and Anthony groaned, pressing the heel of his hand against his forehead. 

"Then tell me how, Azra. Tell me how to help," he said quietly, his voice betraying his exasperation. 

"I don't think you can," Azra replied, his eyes still wet and shiny. "Permission to leave the table?" 

Anthony swallowed the rising nausea and sat back heavily. "Of course." 

Azra got up abruptly, tossing his napkin onto his chair before hurrying off, hugging himself as he slipped through the door into the bathrooms. 

Sighing, Anthony leaned forward again and buried his face in his hands, furious with himself. He hadn't been able to hold back the annoyance, fuelled by worry and guilt, and he'd let it affect Azra, even if it was an accident. 

"Fuck," he muttered to himself, then got up hurriedly and went after Azra, pushing the door to the omega bathroom open and lingering in the doorway. "Azra?" 

He could hear sniffling, and the guilt peaked, squeezing his lungs and sending tears to his own eyes. "Angel, I am so sorry. I know we're both dealing with a lot of emotions at the moment, but I shouldn't have let mine affect you. I do honestly, truly want to make things better, but I shouldn't have pushed you. I'm going to go back to the table and give you some space, but I just wanted you to know that I care about you and that I'm sorry." 

Anthony hesitated for a moment, then forced himself to walk away, heading back to the table and sitting down slowly. He folded his hands in his lap and just stared at his plate, trying to remember how this had gone on their first date. 

_ Chips.  _

Anthony winced, glancing around and biting his lip lightly. The restaurant described itself as 'Asian fusion' and didn't serve anything that came with chips. He sighed to himself and looked down at Azra's salad, then carefully moved a piece of teriyaki chicken off his plate and onto the omega's. He wasn't sure if it would do the trick, but he hoped that at least it would show Azra that he was trying. 

After a few minutes, Azra walked back over to the table, his eyes a little red, his gaze not lifting to Anthony's. 

"You can start," Anthony said quietly, but Azra didn't move. "Sweetheart? Are you-" 

"Please, just start," Azra mumbled, and Anthony sighed, picking up his fork. 

"Angel, I...I'm sorry," he said lamely, wanting to say so many things, but unsure of how to put any of them into words. 

Azra didn't move or reply, so Anthony gave in and began to eat, relief warming his chest as Azra picked up his cutlery. 

They ate in silence for a bit, until Anthony stopped to drink again and Azra clenched his jaw, looking as if he was about to start crying all over again. 

"It's okay, angel," Anthony murmured, letting his foot brush up against Azra's once more. "Look at me, sweetheart." 

Watery blue eyes fixed on him and he smiled sadly, reaching across the table to stroke the backs of his fingers over Azra's hand, still curled around his knife. "You're alright. Please keep eating, angel. I promise I won't be upset with you." 

Azra winced, shaking his head slightly, a single tear spilling over and sliding down his cheek. "I c-can't.." he whispered, and Anthony nodded slightly, gently taking the knife from him and squeezing the omega's hand in both of his. 

"That's okay too, angel," he murmured, trying to keep his voice as calm and soothing as possible. "I just need you to know that I'm here for you, and I'm not going to be upset about you eating, okay? I like seeing you enjoy your food." 

Azra blushed, managing a soft, shy smile as he ducked his head slightly. "Thank you. I'm sor-" 

"Don't apologise for things you can't control," Anthony cut in gently, squeezing his hand tighter. "You're okay, sweetheart. We can go home if you want." 

Azra nodded slightly, raising his gaze to Anthony's imploringly. "Please?" 

"Of course," Anthony smiled, relief flooding through him as he sat back and caught the attention of a waiter. "Do you want a box, angel?" 

Azra shook his head slightly, so Anthony just asked for one and squeezed his hand gently. 

"Let's get out of here and have a relax, shall we?" 

* * *

Azra unlocked the front door and led Anthony inside, glancing behind him nervously. Anthony followed slowly, taking his shoes and coat off and allowing Azra to lead him to the living room, where the omega sat down immediately, burying his face in his hands. 

"Is Emily at Anathema's?" Anthony asked quietly, sitting down beside him slowly. Azra nodded without moving his hands, and Anthony reached over tentatively, rubbing his shoulder lightly. He twitched, but didn't lean away, dropping his hands into his lap to stare at the floor blankly. 

"I don't like feeling like I've taken five steps back," he admitted quietly, and Anthony nodded, moving a little closer to him. 

"I know, angel. It's hard to feel like you've lost progress, but sometimes you just have to look at it differently. You're still okay with me being here, alone with you, and we're talking openly about what's going wrong. Those are pretty big things, don't let them get overshadowed by the smaller stuff." 

Azra nodded slightly and Anthony smiled at him sympathetically. 

"Would you like a hug? As always, you can say no," he assured him softly, and Azra nodded again, a dark blush rising in his cheeks just before Anthony moved closer to him and embraced him carefully. 

Before Anthony could even begin to rejoice, Azra had pressed himself into that welcoming chest, his shaking hands grabbing at the back of the alpha's shirt. His forehead rested against the side of Anthony's neck, his grip clingy and needy. Anthony hugged him tighter, hands spread on his back protectively, his chin tucked up against Azra's head. 

"It's alright, angel. My sweetheart," Anthony murmured, and felt Azra relax even more, his body heavy against Anthony's. "I've missed this." 

"Me too," Azra mumbled, and Anthony slid a hand into his hair, starting to rock him ever so slightly, soothing him and hoping to reassure him that Anthony only wanted to make him comfortable. 

"I just wish I was normal," Azra sighed after a short silence, and Anthony nodded, squeezing him ever so gently. 

"I understand. But we can get through this, I promise. Everything will be okay," Anthony said firmly, stroking Azra's hair slowly. 

"I hope so." 

"I know so." 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So here's a little bit of softness after the angst :)   
> Now that Anthony's home, they can finally get down to the business of putting their relationship back together <3


	18. Chapter Eighteen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter contains: thoughts of drug misuse, mention of past suicidal thoughts.

"Anthony?" 

Anthony rolled his eyes fondly, taking the dish out of the oven as he heard footsteps behind him. 

"Yes, Em?" 

"When is Daddy getting home?" 

Anthony placed the dish down on the stove carefully, then turned around and crouched down as Emily walked up to him, hugging him immediately. Wincing at a sudden stab of pain in his back, Anthony hugged her back, holding her against him as she rested her head on his shoulder. 

"I don't know, love. It should be soon, though," he murmured, carefully pulling away from her to stand up, grabbing some broccoli from the fridge. When he turned around, he saw her standing on her toes, reaching for the hot pan, and gently pulled her back by her shoulder. 

"I'm hungry!" Emily whined, and Anthony sighed, kissing the top of her head. 

"I know, but that's a hot pan, okay?" He said firmly, pushing her towards the kitchen door lightly. "Go wait for your daddy." 

Anthony turned away to get a knife from the block, and heard a scraping sound from behind him. He whipped around to see Emily once again reaching for the pan, her fingertips only a centimeter away from the hot glass. 

Anthony dropped the knife and rushed forward, scooping her up and ignoring her cry of frustration. "No! I told you no!" He snapped, setting her on her feet and crouching down to wave a finger in her face. "That's a hot pan, and you need to listen to me! Go to your room!" 

Shocked, Emily stared at him in frozen silence for a second or two, then turned and ran, fleeing up the stairs. A door slammed and Anthony relaxed, standing up and dragging his hands down his face. 

He kept imagining what could have happened if he hadn't turned in time, and he felt sick at the idea of seeing Emily with a burned hand. 

After a moment of deep breathing to let the shakes die down, Anthony went back to chopping up the broccoli, hearing the front door open just as he was moving the vegetables into the boiling water. 

"In here, Azra!" He called, and footsteps shuffled in a moment later. 

"Where's Emily?" 

Anthony turned, folding his arms over his chest as he took in Azra's tired, pale face. "In her room, on a time out." 

Azra blinked, then turned without another word and headed upstairs, leaving Anthony rather confused and a little annoyed. He didn't follow, though, instead keeping an eye on the broccoli. He didn't have long to wait, anyway, as Azra was soon walking back into the kitchen, his cheeks a bit flushed this time, his eyes angry. 

"Did you shout at my daughter?" He asked quietly, in a slightly strained voice, and Anthony tilted his head, frowning. 

"Yeah, she was-" 

"What were you thinking?" Azra cut in sharply, his jaw tight, his words clipped. "She's crying, Anthony, you scared the shit out of her!" 

Taken aback, Anthony folded his arms again, going on the defensive. "Azra, she was about to burn herself, I-" 

"I don't care, you have no right to be disciplining my daughter!" Azra snarled, and Anthony's mouth dropped open slightly. "I can raise her just fine on my own, I don't need your input!" 

"Azra, I wasn't-" Anthony tried again, starting to get exasperated, but Azra was already in his face, apparently furious.

"Just because you're an alpha, you think you're entitled to everything, including my daughter!" 

"That's not true!" Anthony snapped, suddenly feeling his temper slipping through his grip. "Fuck's sake, Azra, you ask me for my help, and this is what I get? Was I supposed to just let her burn herself?" 

"I didn't ask you to cook me dinner! You were the one who offered!" Azra shouted, gesticulating wildly, his face hot with anger. "And sometimes experience is better than punishment, but I thought you would have known that with your sixteen fucking degrees!" 

Anthony reeled back, shocked and confused, his heart thudding in his chest as everything he was feeling was recycled into defensive anger. "Jesus Christ, Azra!" He yelled in response, taking a step forward and causing the omega to scramble back. "You're insane, you know that? You're not right in the head!" 

Azra froze and Anthony swallowed, his anger draining away all at once. 

"Oh God," he mumbled, wincing as Azra turned away sharply. "Oh shit...Azra, I'm going to go and sit outside for a few minutes to calm down, okay?" He said slowly, then slipped out of the kitchen and hurried outside, taking a deep, slow breath of the fresh, crisp air. 

He knew he'd gone too far, and he wanted to take back everything he'd said, but taking things back around Azra wasn't exactly easy. He knew it was due to Azra's trauma, but his exceptional memory for the times when things went wrong could be difficult to handle. 

Anthony sat for a while and shivered, letting the biting cold wash over him, punish him for getting too hot. He did his best to dismiss the thoughts about how much easier all this would be if he could only take a pill or maybe a few drinks, but they were incredibly insistent, and he just found himself very glad that he didn't have access to hydrocodone or alcohol. 

After a good few minutes of quiet thought, he got up off the step and slipped back through the front door, shutting it behind him quietly. He stuck his head into the kitchen first and found it empty, so he slipped into the living room instead, hesitating when he saw Azra sitting on the sofa. 

Anthony walked over slowly and sat down beside him, looking down at his lap. 

"I didn't mean any of that." 

"People often say that when they're angry, but generally they say a lot of things that they do mean, but they're just too scared to say normally," Azra answered quietly, his voice thick with tears. 

Anthony didn't dare look at him, he didn't want to see the pain he'd caused. "Not in this case, I promise. I don't think you're insane, I really don't, and I'm very sorry that I said that. But I am still a bit confused, and I think we need to talk about things."

Azra nodded slightly, leaning forward with a sigh. "Yeah. I'm sorry I shouted, I just...I've been dealing with a lot lately, and I...seeing her cry was just-" he cut himself off with a gulp and Anthony looked up at last, just in time to see the tears spilling down Azra's cheeks. 

"Oh Azra," he said softly, shifting closer to him and opening his arm as an invitation. Azra fell into his side immediately, trying to wipe his tears with a soft laugh. 

"I'm sorry, I know I'm always crying," he sniffed, and Anthony just chuckled, helping him wipe his tears as gently as he could. 

"I think I can just about put up with it. How about I go apologise to her while you put the pasta back in the oven to warm up? Then we can have dinner and talk about things properly after Emily's in bed, I know she's hungry." 

Azra managed a smile, carefully sitting up again and wiping his nose on his sleeve. "Yeah, okay. Thank you." 

"You mean the world to me, you know," Anthony answered softly, reaching out tentatively and gently stroking Azra's hair. He relished the blush that appeared on the omega's cheeks, and leaned in slowly, pressing a feather-light kiss to his temple. 

"You too," Azra mumbled, and Anthony just smiled as he got up, shoving his hands in his pockets to head upstairs. 

He wandered over to Emily's door and knocked lightly, leaning against the doorframe casually, his red hair falling down around his face. 

"Who is it?" 

Anthony chuckled softly and shook his head, a fond smile spreading across his face. "It's me, Em. I want to apologise." 

The doorknob turned immediately, the door swinging open to reveal Emily, her cheeks a little red. Anthony crouched down immediately, reaching out to gently tuck her messed-up hair back behind her ears. 

"Hey, are you okay?" He asked softly, and she nodded, looking down at the carpet between her feet. "Good. I'm very sorry for shouting at you, Em. I didn't mean to scare you, but shouting was wrong. You do need to listen to me though, okay? I know it's hard sometimes, and I know I'm not your parent, but I am here to make sure you're safe, and if I'm telling you something, it's probably because I don't want you hurt. Do you understand?" 

Emily nodded again, her striking blue gaze lifting to stare at Anthony seriously. "I understand." 

"Good. Now how about some dinner, love?" Anthony smiled, and Emily nodded, sticking her arms out quickly.

"Carry?" 

"Magic word?" 

"Please?" 

Ignoring his back once again, Anthony lifted Emily up easily, holding her against his chest as he walked down the stairs, her head resting on the front of his shoulder. 

* * *

By the time they'd had dinner - Emily and Anthony enjoying the pasta bake while Azra ate the sandwich he made for himself - and put Emily to bed, they were both quite tired, so they sat down together on the couch, a little awkward. 

"Look, about Emily, I-" Anthony began, but Azra interrupted softly. 

"I was wrong. I'm serious about you, Anthony, and I'm like ninety percent sure you're serious about me, which means you're serious about Emily," he said quietly, looking down at his hands in his lap. "I can't expect you to be spending time with us and...and being with me without filling some kind of parental role. Especially if you might be her stepdad one day," he added, causing Anthony's heart to leap into his throat. "It's just hard because it's only been us for such a long time, and...and having to relinquish some of that control is hard. She's the only reason I'm still alive." 

Anthony looked up sharply and Azra shrugged, his smile wide and shaky, his eyes wet. 

"I have no doubt that Gabriel would have killed me eventually. Intentionally or not, I would have been killed. Getting pregnant saved me from that, and...and knowing I had to be here to take care of her, that I had to get better enough to be here for her stopped me from ending my own life when I didn't think there was anything left for me. I love her, like any parent loves their child, but she's just...she really was my whole world for a very long time." 

Anthony took a deep breath, wiping his eyes quickly and pulling Azra into a gentle, loose hug that he reciprocated gratefully. "I'm very glad you're here now," he murmured, pressing a soft kiss to the omega's salt-sticky cheek. "And I understand about Emily. I'll try my hardest to avoid overstepping any boundaries, and I think we need to keep this conversation going, just maybe not all in one night. I think we're both a bit done in." 

Azra nodded, gently pulling away from Anthony's embrace to grab the remote, turning the tv on quickly. Anthony settled back against the cushions and, to his surprise, soon had Azra curled up against his side, his head nestled comfortably in the crook of Anthony's neck. 

Slowly, carefully, Anthony wrapped an arm around Azra, very gently pulling him a little closer. Azra sighed softly and shifted, his hand running over Anthony's leg slowly, just above his knee.

Anthony focused his attention on the tv for a bit, then began to move his hand, very carefully slipping it under Azra's shirt to feel his warm skin. He didn't let it drift or stroke, instead just laying it against him, holding his side. 

Azra nuzzled his neck lightly and let out a quiet sigh, his hand going still. "Anthony?" 

"Yes, angel?" Anthony hummed, letting his eyes focus on the quiz show running on the tv so he could allow his mind to wander. 

"What do you...think of my body?" Azra asked slowly, and Anthony shifted slightly, squeezing him a little tighter. "I want you to be honest. Even if you think it might upset me." 

"Honest, hmm?" Anthony chuckled, leaning his head against Azra's lightly. "Well," he murmured, curling his fingers so the tips pressed into Azra's flesh gently. "I think you're cuddly and sweet and so, so adorable," he began, but was aware this wasn't really enough. "You're so great to hug and lay with, I always want to be hugging you. And I think you're absolutely stunning, especially when you smile. And I'm not sure if you want to hear this or not, but I find you sexy as well, I just want to get to touch you and run my hands over your skin," Anthony went on, chuckling when Azra blushed and buried his face in the alpha's chest. 

"I can guess at why you're asking and the things you've been called instead, and I can assure you I don't think like that," Anthony added slowly, squeezing Azra once more, feeling that extra soft give under his skin and loving it. It was a tangible sign of Azra letting go of something from his past, of allowing himself to indulge and enjoy life, and Anthony couldn't get enough of it. 

"You'd better not be lying to me, Anthony Crowley," Azra murmured, his voice softened with a smile. 

Anthony ran his fingers through those beautiful curls, letting a smile spread across his own face. "Don't be silly, angel. You know...the first day we met, when you shouted at me and then when you apologised...oh Hell, Azra, I was already head over heels," he chuckled, allowing his fingers to get tangled, not wanting to let go. "I just...your eyes, they're so intense, but so gentle, and your smile is just...it makes me feel weightless every time. I know it's a massive cliché, but I wish you could see yourself the way I do. You made me feel things I haven't since Ben died, and I really, really missed feeling things." 

Azra shifted slightly, sniffling a bit before he answered, his hand gently clutching at Anthony's shirt. "You're really good at talking, you know." 

Anthony chuckled softly and reluctantly loosened his grip when Azra started to pull away, expecting him to get up. But instead, Azra's hands slid over his cheeks, nervous blue gaze fixing on Anthony's startled golden eyes. 

"I'd like you to kiss me," Azra announced, and Anthony was leaning in before he'd finished, eager, yet tentative, his lips trembling slightly before they finally kissed. Anthony's stomach exploded into butterflies as he poured himself into the kiss; all the love he was denying to himself, all the pain, all the need. And Azra kissed back, matching his energy easily. 

Although it was emotional and passionate, it wasn't at all sexual, and Anthony was the first to break away, his chest heaving as he stared at Azra. 

"Fuck, I missed you," he mumbled, and Azra giggled, diving in again. 

After a couple more gentle, slow kisses, they finally laid down together, Anthony curled up around Azra, his arm tight around his waist as they flicked through the channels. Anthony slid his hand up under Azra's shirt, tracing slow circles with his fingertips, until they finally decided on some show about dogs. Azra settled into the cushions with an adorable little sigh, and Anthony buried his face in that stunning hair, clutching his partner a little tighter. 

"I'll get you some pajamas in a bit," Azra murmured after a while, and Anthony grinned to himself, kissing the back of the omega's neck lightly. 

"Thank you." 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys!  
> Just a warning, the next chapter might take a couple extra days, I'm thinking of adding one here and I'm away at student pride in London this weekend, so I may not be able to finish or post it.  
> In slightly better news, I've done a drawing of these two and I'm trying to be less critical about my art, even though I'm very new to using digital programs, so if you guys are interested, I might post that. It contains like one minor spoiler though so I'd have to post it a couple chapters down the line. But let me know if you'd like to see it!  
> And let me know what you thought of this chapter! <3<3


	19. Chapter Nineteen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter contains: talk of drug addiction, abuse, mention of suicide.

"So, Anthony. How have things been?" 

Anthony took a deep breath, looking down at his lap. His new therapist, Janet, liked incense. Definitely more than Anthony did. 

But she was the only opioid addiction specialist in the area, and Azra had insisted over and over that he go to a specialist. 

"Well, not a lot has happened since I last saw you," he admitted quietly, fiddling with his fingers. The office still felt unfamiliar, as it was only his second appointment there, and it wasn't helping him feel at ease. "I've been okay, though. My back hurts, but I've been sticking to my new meds and taking the proper dose. I've been leaving the bottle at home and taking just enough pills with me to the university library to work. It seems to help. And...things with Azra are going better," he added with a soft, slightly triumphant smile.

Janet smiled back at him and jotted something down. "Tell me more about him. We spent a long time going over your history last time, and I feel like I missed out on Azra. He's a huge part of your life at the moment, isn't he?"

Anthony felt his cheeks start to heat up slightly and gave a small nod. "Yeah. He um...I don't know how to describe him, really. I mean...he's one of the most beautiful people I've met, just...in every way. He's sweet and kind and gentle and unbearably cute, and.." Anthony trailed off slightly, then sighed. "And the most damaged person I've met. His first relationship, which was basically his only relationship besides me, was abusive to the point where he almost died multiple times. He has a lot of scars, mental and physical, and...and sometimes it's hard," Anthony mumbled, looking down at his lap. "I love him to death, I really, really do. Being around him makes me happy, just seeing him, hearing his voice.." 

"I can sense a 'but' coming," Janet interjected softly, encouraging Anthony to keep talking. 

Anthony swallowed. "Sometimes I feel...bad. Being around him sometimes makes me feel inadequate. I can't...I can't always help him, and sometimes I get things wrong, a-and...I just want him to be happy," Anthony mumbled, a rush of emotion taking him by surprise. 

Janet nodded sympathetically, watching Anthony carefully. "Do you think you're too focused on his happiness?" 

"I don't think I'd be able to tell if I was," Anthony pointed out with a nervous chuckle. "But no. I do still prioritise things that I need or want to do when appropriate. There's just something so special about making him smile and knowing that he's feeling comfortable because of all the work we've put in together. When he first started letting me sleep over, I would just watch him fall asleep and think about how lucky I was and how happy I was that he was feeling safe enough to sleep beside me. As I said before, I love him. Possibly more than I loved Ben, although with how much I've changed between now and then, I'm not sure it's comparable, but...I think when you love someone this deeply, their happiness is always going to impact yours. At least to an extent, anyway." 

Tapping the end of her pen against her bottom lip, Janet nodded slightly, and Anthony noticed that one of the imitation pearl buttons had fallen off her blouse cuff. "I understand where you're coming from, my only worry is the use of inadequate. What do you mean by that?" 

Anthony shrugged, looking down at his hands. "I want...I want to help, you know? I want to make him happy and make him feel safe, but I...I can't just wipe away the scars," he mumbled, starting to get emotional again and trying his best to force it down. "I can't get in a time machine and save him from his ex. I can never really make him...fine." 

Janet tilted her head, seeming to think for a moment before making a couple of notes. "Speaking as a mental health professional, I don't think anyone is ever truly fine. But I understand what you're saying. An alpha's role is to protect their omega or beta, and you can't protect Azra from something that's already happened, any more than you could save Ben," she pointed out gently, and Anthony blinked, shaking his head slightly. 

"I...I guess I never thought of it that way," he mumbled, and then looked down at his hands. "At least not consciously. I think...trying to help Azra was part of my drug use, and I guess...I guess that would be why. When he was having a bad time, I would sometimes dose a little higher because I thought that if I was feeling better, then I'd be more able to help him." 

He looked up at her face and gave a soft, humourless chuckle. "I know, I know. It was just an excuse, not a reason." 

Janet smiled and nodded slightly. "You have good insight into yourself, Anthony. Do you find it just as easy to see Azra's feelings?" 

Anthony's eyes widened and he shook his head. "No, definitely not. I'm used to his body language now, for the most part, so I can usually kind of tell how he's feeling, but it's not that easy. His trauma makes him a little difficult to read. But if I try to ask, a lot of the time he'll tell me. Like we had a bit of a fight when I slept over at his because I told Emily off about something and we talked through it and apologised to one another and he asked me to kiss him. So...when we communicate, we...we tend to get a good understanding of one another, I guess." 

"That's good. Is he being quite supportive of you?" 

Anthony winced and shrugged one shoulder. "Yes, as much as he can. He has a lot of very bad trauma around drug use, and so he finds it quite scary. I know that if I mess up again, I'm likely to lose him," he said quietly. "And that scares me, a lot." 

"So you have quite a few good reasons to get clean, then? Your health, your partner, and his child." 

Anthony smiled and nodded, cracking his knuckles nervously. "Yeah. He wants the same thing I do, which is a family. And that's hard to have if I'm dead or he's left me. But I'm aware that it's still going to be a long road." 

"Do you feel like you can get support from him if you need it?" 

Anthony's smile faded slightly and he sighed. "Yes, if I told him I was struggling, he would do his best to help. But sometimes it's hard to tell him everything I'm feeling, because I worry about overwhelming him. Which is part of why I'm in therapy, I guess. I don't want to just dump everything on him, because he needs balance. So yeah, but only up to a point, I suppose. Comfort I'll always get, that's just...if I need a hug or kiss or someone to just tell me it's going to be alright, he's right there. It's just that maybe if I was having really bad cravings, I would talk to him about it, but maybe not tell him the full extent, you know? I don't like feeling dishonest with him, but I also don't want to scare him." 

Janet nodded slowly, looking thoughtful. "Maybe that's something you should bring up to him. Establishing very clear boundaries of what you can and can't bring to him is important. Do you have other people to talk to separate from Azra?" 

"I have some friends at university," Anthony smiled, looking down at his hands shyly. "I don't know them that well, but we go for lunch sometimes when I'm there, and I feel like if I needed to, there's one or two I could talk to about things." 

"That's good. It's important to have that outlet," she nodded, making some more notes. "Do you feel adequate most of the time with Azra?" 

Anthony tucked his hair back behind his ears nervously. "Yeah, I do. It's just when things go wrong that I feel insecure in our relationship, it's not like...all the time. I make him laugh and he seems happy around me. We like watching the same movies and reading the same books, it's...aside from Azra's trauma and the complication of having Emily as well, it's the easiest relationship I've ever been in. We go well together, I think. Oh, and there's that um...thing we talked about last week," Anthony added, clearing his throat. "I still haven't told him. I'm...I'm really worried about it. I don't want to lose him," he said slowly, and Janet nodded. 

"From all that you've said, I don't think it's going to be an issue for him. He seems like the kind of person to look past all that quite easily. Do you think he'll be quite surprised?" 

"I think so," Anthony sighed, running a hand through his hair and tucking it back from his face again. "I haven't mentioned anything like it before." 

"Are you going to try to tell him this week, then?" Janet asked, still writing a few more notes. Anthony shifted, not wanting to commit. 

"I'm going to try. I don't...I don't want to set myself a super solid goal in case something else comes up, you know? Like if he has a bad week, I don't want to spring my stuff on him." 

Janet looked up, tilting her head slightly. "Do you know, I see a lot of alphas in this job. And you're the first one I've seen who absolutely lights up when talking about their partner. It's so obvious how much you care for him." 

Anthony felt his cheeks flush, but smiled, biting his lip lightly. "Yeah, I um...when I first got back from the hospital, he gave me this sweater to sleep in because the radiator was broken, and it's huge on me, but...I still sleep in it every night I'm at home. It reminds me of being with him and I sleep easier when I can smell him. He hasn't let me spend the night in his bed again yet, so I guess it's just the next best thing," he said softly, looking down briefly, then giving a quiet sigh. "I wish I could tell him how much I love him, but...I don't think it's the right time."

"I think giving your relationship time to settle again would be wise," Janet agreed, making a note on her pad. "Do you get the impression that your feelings are reciprocated?" 

Anthony sat for a moment, considering this. Then he nodded, smiling to himself. "Yeah. I'm not entirely certain, but I'm pretty sure. He looks at me like he loves me." 

"So what is your goal with getting clean? What's the ideal 'five years from now' situation?" 

Anthony let out a slow breath and ignored his blush as he gave a small shrug. "I'd like to be living with Azra, maybe with a baby on the way," he answered honestly, and Janet smiled encouragingly. "We've talked about it, and he knows I want kids, and he says he'd like another one. Um. Career-wise, I'd like to have a teaching and research position somewhere. Or failing that, a job in a school. I guess those are my only two goals, really." 

Janet nodded, making a few more notes. "They're good ones. Family is obviously very important to you, as well as your career. Thinking about and planning for your future is a really helpful recovery tool. Take some time out of your day a few times a week to imagine what having that family with Azra would be like, about the job you want. It'll remind you of why you're working to recover. Obviously, you should be looking for things in the present to help you as well, but planning for a future reminds you that you have one." 

* * *

When Anthony got home that evening, he immediately headed upstairs and pulled Azra's sweater on, burying his face in it. He sat down on the bed and pulled his knees into his chest, just breathing deeply and letting that beautiful scent wash over him. 

He was feeling a bit panicked, his heart beating fast in his chest, his hands starting to shake at the reminder of how far he still had to go. He knew that planning for his future was useful, but he still wasn't sure he liked how it felt. 

His phone buzzed against his leg and he snatched it up quickly, checking the caller ID before smiling to himself and putting it to his ear. 

"Hey," he said softly, and Azra gave a quiet sigh. 

"Hi. How was your appointment?" 

"Good," Anthony murmured, closing his eyes and trying to imagine that he was curled up in bed with his partner, Azra's warm body pressed to his. "You sound fed up, sweetheart." 

"I've had a long day," Azra sighed, but his voice became slightly brighter, accompanied with a brittle laugh. "How would you feel about couch surfing again tonight?" 

Anthony's heart leapt, then sank like a stone. "I'd love to, but I have an early class I'm teaching. I can come over for a bit, I just can't stay." 

"I wouldn't mind some company," Azra admitted quietly, and Anthony nodded to himself. 

"When do you want me round?" 

"I'll text you when Em's in bed," Azra answered, already sounding much more cheerful. 

"Okay. I'll see you soon," Anthony murmured, and Azra hummed agreement before hanging up. Anthony rolled his eyes and got up to start making himself look presentable. 

* * *

As soon as Azra opened the door, he was gently guiding Anthony down into a soft kiss, plump fingers tangling in that long red hair. Anthony kissed back eagerly, but was careful to match the pace, not wanting to push his partner too fast. Azra giggled as he stepped back and Anthony grinned, kicking his shoes off before grabbing at Azra's sides lightly and earning a gentle slap to his hands. 

He laughed and Azra shot him a playful smile, then began to walk into the living room. Anthony followed happily, basking in the simple fact that Azra was comfortable enough to muck around. It showed a huge amount of trust - Azra knew that Anthony wouldn't take it too far, but he still had to trust him not to. 

Still deep in thought, Anthony sat down on the couch and immediately had a lapful of Azra, the omega cuddling up to him and letting out a happy sigh. Anthony purred softly and wrapped his arms around Azra's body, letting out a soft sigh. 

"Are you okay, angel?" 

"Mm, just tired," Azra hummed, and Anthony nodded, squeezing the omega gently. 

Silence settled for a moment, then Azra let out a quiet sigh. "Anthony? I think we need to talk about Em," he said softly, and Anthony kissed the side of his head, stroking the top of his leg lightly. 

"What about her?" 

"Well, about parenting," Azra murmured, shifting to get more comfortable and pulling a blanket around them both. "I want us to be clear on what is and isn't appropriate, so we don't have any more misunderstandings." 

"Of course," Anthony nodded, gently taking one of Azra's hands and playing with his fingers lightly. "I'm still sorry, I-" 

"I didn't want to talk about this just so I could tell you off again," Azra chuckled softly, shifting closer to Anthony and stifling a yawn. "But that does bring me to my first point. One of the rules of this house is that we never raise our voices in anger," he said quietly, and Anthony took a deep breath, restraining himself from apologising again. 

"Okay." 

"And um. With punishment, I try not to have to do it, you know? But if it's necessary, she has to sit at the table in time out for ten minutes, or go to her room," Azra went on quietly, and Anthony hugged him a little tighter, protective. 

"What do you try to use instead of punishment?" 

"Just talking," Azra answered, flashing him a brief smile. "Like, I tell her why I want her to do something a certain way, and if she's still not doing it, there's often some reason why, you know?" 

Anthony nodded, resting his head against Azra's lightly. "I think maybe it would be good if you talk to her, as well. Maybe you could explain that even though I'm not her parent, that she still needs to treat me as an authority." 

"I've already had that conversation with her, the day after," Azra said softly, closing his eyes and settling a little more in Anthony's embrace. "She took it well, promised to listen to you more." 

"Good," Anthony mumbled, and Azra nodded, then fell silent for a minute or two before Anthony interrupted the quiet moment. "Do you ever get worried about your trauma affecting your parenting?" He asked. The question had been lurking in the back of his mind since the incident with Emily, and had suddenly come to the fore, begging to be asked. "I mean, with my...my mum, I get worried. I don't want to end up like her." 

"I know what you mean, and yes," Azra sighed, shivering a bit. Anthony quickly pulled the blanket up to cover more of them both, their bodies pressed together. "I catch myself thinking things that Gabriel used to say quite often. You know...you never told me much about your mum," he added slowly, a question hanging in the air. Anthony shifted slightly, his lungs feeling as if fingers were wrapped around them, squeezing tightly. 

"No, I um...suppose I haven't. My um...well, my mum who died was an omega, she was my birth mum. She was lovely," he murmured, his eyes losing focus as he let himself slip into the memories, his heartbeat feeling almost laboured, heavy with emotion. "She was always there for me, always ready with hugs and kisses and she was an amazing cook. She was half Indian, so she always did amazing curries," he added with a soft chuckle, and Azra shifted slightly. 

"You never told me you were part Indian," he smiled, and Anthony simply shrugged. 

"It's not really a part of my identity. My grandma left when my mum was quite small, so although my grandad kept her recipe book and gave it to my mum, he couldn't really teach her much to do with the culture. He was as white and English as they come," Anthony added, squeezing Azra closer. "Anyway. I really, really loved my mum. When she passed away, I...I didn't think I was going to survive, to be honest. She was my whole world, but...I really didn't expect my other mum to lose it quite so much. She was...she was never really around much, very focused on her career so my omega mum could stay at home with me. I didn't have a close relationship with her, and she had quite a temper when I was growing up as well, she was very much the shouting kind of person. But yeah, she um...I think she was frightened of me, in an odd way. She didn't know what to do with me, and losing my mum...she didn't have anyone to help with me while she was also going through a bad time. She lost her temper a lot, and um...well, you've seen my scars," he sighed, and felt Azra's hand on his chest, stroking slow circles while the omega nuzzled at Anthony's jaw lightly, reminding him he was there. "She killed herself a few years after I left," Anthony sniffed, a sudden rush of emotion taking him by surprise. Azra froze for just a moment, then wrapped his arm around Anthony quickly, protectively. "I always felt a bit...responsible," he mumbled, turning his head so he could let his cheek rest in Azra's soft, shiny curls. "Like if I'd stayed, maybe she wouldn't have done it, but...I know that's stupid, I just.." 

"I understand," Azra said gently, reaching up to stroke his knuckles down Anthony's cheek slowly. "Fixing irrational thoughts isn't as easy as just recognising they're irrational and fixing them. But for the record, it wasn't your fault." 

"Thanks," Anthony mumbled, wiping his eyes before the tears could fall and turning to smile at Azra weakly. "I'm sorry for crying, I just-" 

"Don't apologise," Azra soothed, leaning in and kissing him ever so softly, lingering slightly as he pulled away. "It's okay. How about a cuddle to make you feel better?" 

Anthony breathed a sigh of relief, his whole being softening. "God, please," he murmured, and Azra chuckled, gently pulling him down. They laid down together slowly, Azra's back against the back of the couch, Anthony facing him, an arm around his waist. Azra pulled the blanket over them and leaned in, kissing him again, just a fleeting little brush of their lips before resting his forehead against Anthony's, his hand opening against the alpha's warm cheek. 

"We're okay now. We have each other and we're going to be good parents," Azra smiled, and Anthony relaxed, letting his eyes slip closed as he pressed himself into Azra, their bodies warm together, Anthony's arm tight around his omega. They simply lay there for a while, Azra's hand stroking over Anthony's cheek over and over, just enjoying one another's presence. It was the most peaceful and calm Anthony had felt in days, and he couldn't help but wish he could have that feeling every single night. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys!   
> I managed to finish this chapter and I'm posting it from a hostel in London lol  
> Let me know how you liked this one! I slotted it in just to give a bit more insight into Anthony's past and his path to recovery.   
> Sidenote: I hate London every time I come here I vaguely regret it and immediately want to go home. Why do people like it?? Ugh


	20. Chapter Twenty

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter contains: discussion of transphobia.

A week after Anthony's evening visit, Azra came home from work to hear giggling in the kitchen. 

Anthony was laughing as well, his deep voice resonating in the hallway while Azra took his shoes off, allowing himself to bask in the sounds of his partner and daughter so happy. 

"That one's a bit squashed, Em," Anthony hummed, and Emily giggled again. 

"It's misshapen!" 

"Yep," Anthony replied with a smile in his voice. "It is, good word, love. How about this one? I think it's supposed to be a pineapple." 

Azra slipped into the kitchen and Anthony looked up in shock, eyes wide. 

"Azra! Hey, I thought you were.." he trailed off, wincing as he looked at the mess in front of him. Emily was standing on a stool at the counter, pressing a cookie cutter into dough that had been rolled out onto the countertop. 

Azra blinked, then smiled, forcing himself to relax. He had Anthony to help clean up now, and Emily looked so engrossed and happy. 

"Yeah, there was a problem with the electrics, so I got to come home early," Azra announced, walking over to them and stroking a hand over Emily's hair. "Are you having fun, baby?" 

"Yes," she answered very definitely, and Azra looked up at Anthony, his heart thudding a little faster in his chest when he gazed into those stunning golden eyes. Anthony was already leaning in, so Azra closed his eyes, pressing himself into the kiss ever so slightly, and finding himself disappointed when Anthony pulled away after only a second or two. 

"Sorry, angel. It was supposed to be a surprise," Anthony murmured, and Azra just shrugged, smiling up at him. 

"Well, I guess I'll just have to help you then, hmm?" He grinned, and Anthony kissed his cheek softly, then dragged a floury hand down his chest. 

"I suppose you'll have to," Anthony chuckled, and Azra just rolled his eyes, turning away from him to kiss the side of Emily's head instead. 

"I'm going to go change into something a bit more comfortable, and then I'll come help," he announced, and Emily nodded absentmindedly. 

"Okay, Daddy." 

"Oh, and I'm making a roast," Anthony announced hurriedly before Azra could walk off, his voice a little nervous. "I don't know if.." he trailed off and Azra took a deep breath, nodding slightly. 

"I'll try, Anthony." 

Once Azra had changed into an old t-shirt and some sweatpants, he headed downstairs again and started making icing for the cookies, smiling to himself when he felt Anthony's hand sliding over his back. 

"You okay?" 

Azra nodded, glancing at Emily and making sure she was engrossed in arranging the cookies on the tray before leaning in and kissing Anthony briefly. "A bit tired," he murmured, and Anthony nodded, reaching up to brush some powdered sugar off Azra's cheek. 

"It's been a long week. But it's Friday now, so how about we all watch a movie together tonight?" 

Azra smiled, leaning into that gentle hand as it opened against his cheek, cradling the side of his face. He let his eyelids flutter closed, relishing the touch, feeling Anthony's thumb brush the corner of his lips. "I'd love that." 

Anthony nodded and kissed his forehead before letting his hand drop away. "Do you have food colouring?" 

"Mhm, the cupboard with all the pans, there's a plastic box," Azra smiled, watching Anthony walk off, his eyes trailing down slightly, admiring those tight jeans. "I used to make a lot of cakes." 

Anthony opened the cupboard and found the box, carrying it over to the counter to open it. "Yeah? Why not anymore?" 

"I mean, I do," Azra shrugged, glancing towards Emily, who was singing to herself as she squished the last scraps of dough in her hands. "I always make one for Anathema's birthday. Newt doesn't like cake much, but I make him brownies." 

"You're quite the little baker on the quiet, hmm?" Anthony grinned, rubbing a slow circle into Azra's upper back. Azra blushed and nodded, leaning into the touch lightly. 

"I guess I have another career option if I never go back to school," he mumbled, and Anthony chuckled, wrapping an arm around his waist tightly. 

"You will, angel." 

"What if I don't?" Azra sighed, glancing at Emily again to make sure she was okay. "I'm getting older, and...and it's expensive, Anthony. I know I can get a loan and all, but how am I supposed to work enough to support Emily? I just...maybe I need to start thinking about something else." 

Anthony sighed, stroking Azra's hair slowly. "Don't give up just yet, sweetheart," he soothed, and squeezed him lightly. "Look, I'm getting close to being done with my university now, at long last, and...and I have a few ideas for jobs lined up. Maybe.." 

Azra sighed, gently pushing Anthony's arm off himself, feeling a bit trapped as he stared down at the bowl of icing in front of him. "I don't want to be dependent on an alpha, I just-"

"Okay, deep breath," Anthony interrupted quickly, his voice soft and gentle. "Let's not do this now, yeah? Maybe we can talk about it another time, I don't think we have enough time and space to talk it over right this second." 

Azra sighed softly and leaned into him with a slight smile. "Yeah, you're right. Later." 

"Daddy?" 

Azra looked over at Emily quickly, suddenly worried. "Yes, love?" 

"I made a snowman!"

Anthony chuckled and squeezed Azra gently, then broke away to go talk to Emily, congratulating her on the snowman and helping her put the cookies in the oven. Once it was done, she bounced over to Azra and he lifted her up, kissing the side of her head. 

"You wanna watch a movie in bed tonight, baby?" He asked her softly, and she grinned, kissing his cheek. 

"Yes!" She squealed, then added a slightly more subdued 'please' after a meaningful look from Azra. "Can we watch Moana?" 

Azra groaned, gently setting her down again to start dividing the icing into several bowls. "No, baby, we've watched that so many times recently. How about a different one?"

"How about I go choose with you?" Anthony suggested, ruffling Emily's hair and chuckling when she grabbed his hand. "Come on, little one. Disney time," he smiled, gently herding her out of the kitchen and winking at Azra on the way. 

Azra smiled to himself happily, closing his eyes for a moment to bask in the warm glow of domestic bliss. He'd never had such perfect, easy times with anyone else before, except maybe Anathema, and it was obviously quite different with Anthony. He felt wanted and seen, and worthy. And he wanted to feel it as much as possible. 

After dinner, which Azra had actually managed to eat after some gentle encouragement from Anthony, they cleared up together and all sat down to decorate the cookies together. They made a huge mess, and some very ugly cookies, as well as some nice ones, and Azra couldn't get over how happy Emily looked, constantly laughing and grinning. 

When Anthony's hand slid over Azra's thigh under the table, he'd even managed not to jump, instead relaxing his legs and just feeling the touch. Anthony had enough sense to stick to the outside and top of his leg, but Azra still thought it was an achievement. 

After Emily had gotten bored of the cookies and they'd packed it all away, Azra took her upstairs to get ready for bed while Anthony set up the dvd player. 

Then they all piled into Azra's bed, Emily between Azra and Anthony, and pressed play on the movie. Azra settled back happily, smiling to himself when he recognised the original spongebob movie, knowing he was in for some silly fun. 

After a while, they ended up all cuddled together, Emily's head on Azra's chest, her body curled up against his. Anthony moved closer, his leg brushing against Azra's, his hand coming to rest on Emily's side. Azra flashed him a bright smile, and he returned it, his eyes soft and content. 

Once the movie was over, Azra carried Emily to bed, gently laying her down and stroking her hair until she stopped trying to stay awake and drifted off to sleep. He kissed her forehead and tucked her in, then got up and slipped out of the room, leaving the door open just a crack. 

Azra took a deep breath, then walked into his bedroom, finding Anthony sitting on the edge of the bed, looking a bit uncertain. 

"Hey," he said softly, and Azra smiled to himself, yawning as he went to the bed and got in slowly. 

"Mm, you can borrow some pajamas if you want," Azra mumbled, and managed to catch the look of surprise, then delight that flashed across Anthony's face. 

"Yeah, I'd like that," Anthony hummed, getting up and opening the dresser drawer to take out the first pair of pajama trousers he could find. Then, to Azra's surprise, he unbuckled his jeans and slipped them off as if it were the most natural thing in the world. He tugged the pajamas on and then began to unbutton his shirt, pulling it over his head and dropping it beside his jeans. 

His mouth still open slightly, Azra just lay there and admired the view; the bright, beautiful tattoos, the lithe muscles, the perfect curve of his scarred back. Anthony looked up suddenly and blushed, biting his lip in a way that made Azra want him in bed as soon as possible. 

"Sorry, angel, is this alright?" 

Azra nearly swallowed his own tongue in his haste to reassure his partner, his hands shaking slightly. "Y-yeah! I um...yeah, I was just...I like your body," he finished lamely, then groaned, slapping his hands over his face. "Fuck."

Anthony chuckled softly and Azra felt the bed sink, a hand running over his chest. 

"I like your body too, sweetheart," Anthony purred, and Azra gasped when he felt lips on his cheek. "Don't worry, Azra. You didn't say anything wrong, I promise." 

The hand dipped lower and Azra quickly brushed it away, rolling over to hug Anthony tightly. The alpha chuckled again and ran a hand through his hair, gently pulling him closer and helping him find a comfortable position. Azra smiled to himself, looking down at the snake tattoo curled around Anthony's arm and running a finger along the slow curves. Anthony purred and nuzzled at Azra's neck, making him giggle softly. 

"Hey!" 

Anthony chuckled and pulled back enough to look into Azra's soft blue eyes. "Sorry, angel. I just-" 

But Azra was already kissing him, their lips soft together, gentle and slow. It was over far too soon: they both could have kept going all night, but Azra was tired, and he settled into Anthony's arms, nuzzling into his chest and squeezing him tightly. 

* * *

Azra woke rather warmer than usual, his cheek stuck to bare skin. Anthony was humming to himself softly, his fingers delicately playing with Azra's curls, his other hand skimming up and down the omega's side. 

"Morning," Azra mumbled, his voice a little hoarse from sleep. Anthony smiled and squeezed him tighter, still being gentle and careful with him. 

"Good morning, angel."

"Wha's the time?" Azra slurred, hugging Anthony's waist tightly and smiling when he chuckled. 

"Just gone nine," he answered softly, then gave a soft sigh. "I was wondering if we could talk about something today. It's not bad or anything, it's um...I just have something to tell you." 

Azra shifted uncomfortably, immediately starting to feel panicked. "You can tell me now," he said quietly, trying not to let his voice shake or sound too demanding. Anthony let out a deeper sigh, gently pulling away from Azra enough to see his face. 

"I think it might be a long conversation, and Emily-" 

"She sleeps until ten at least on Saturdays," Azra interrupted quickly, his mind already racing through all the terrible possibilities.

Anthony groaned softly and disentangled himself as carefully as he could, sitting up and dragging his hands down his face. "I shouldn't have said anything, you're all worried now," he mumbled, and Azra sat up quickly, grabbing at his arm gently, but firmly. 

"Please tell me, Anthony, I-" he begged, his heart beating fast in his chest, but the alpha was already turning to face him. 

"Azra, take a deep breath, it's alright," Anthony soothed, taking his hands carefully and squeezing them as he looked at him seriously. "Stop worrying, okay? That's it, breathe." 

Azra did his best to calm down, but he was still trembling slightly, his breaths a little quicker and shallower than usual as he waited for Anthony to own up to whatever horrible thing it was going to be. 

Anthony cleared his throat and looked away, then sighed and shook his head. "I'll just...just say it. I'm nonbinary," he said quietly, his eyes nervous as they glanced up at Azra, then down again quickly. 

Azra sat in shock for a moment, staring at the duvet, then laughed, shaking his head slightly. "Jesus, Anthony, you scared the shit out of me for that? Did you really think I'd be upset?" 

Anthony winced and Azra quickly adjusted his tone, gently tilting the alpha's chin up to look at him. 

"Sorry, I didn't mean it like that. I really like you, Anthony," he murmured, throwing in a smile for good measure. "You make me feel good, in so many ways. I don't care what gender you are, okay? I'm very glad you felt safe enough to talk to me about it, thank you for telling me, but it doesn't bother me, I promise." 

Anthony nodded slightly, his eyes a little wet as he squeezed Azra's hand. "I'm sorry for being silly about it, I just-" 

"No," Azra interrupted, kissing the corner of his lips. "You weren't being silly, I understand. It's hard, I know it is. But I completely accept you, Anthony. I promise." 

Anthony managed a smile, looking down at his lap while Azra wrapped an arm around his shoulders, pulling him in close. "You remember I said about my mum pushing me down the stairs?" 

Azra nodded, stroking Anthony's hair slowly and tucking the long locks back behind his ears. 

"I was wearing makeup," he mumbled, resting his head on Azra's shoulder. "Just some mascara and a bit of eyeliner, with this blouse I got from a secondhand store. She called me a um...well, the t-word, and I tried to explain, and she pushed me. I left home as soon as I got back from hospital." 

Azra squeezed him gently, kissing the top of his head lightly. "My dad won't speak to me anymore," he said softly, and Anthony took his other hand, lacing their fingers. "Not that I want to speak to him, but y'know. I understand. Do you use different pronouns?" He asked gently, and Anthony tensed in surprise, then shook his head. 

"No, it's fine. I just um...I just present a bit more...in between, you know? When I feel comfortable, which is mostly just at home. But it's hard for alphas, I suppose you know that. Finding a way to be...different as alphas or omegas is so hard, it's so rigid and controlled and restricting. It took me so long to work out how I was different."

"Yeah, me too," Azra smiled, leaning his head against Anthony's. "I'm glad we both got here, though. I'm proud of us."

Anthony chuckled, running his hand over Azra's leg lightly. "Mm. You're the best, y'know."

"If you say so. Can I ask you something?" 

"Mhm, please do," Anthony hummed, and Azra squeezed him lightly. 

"What did Ben think of it?" 

Anthony gave a soft sigh, shrugging. "He didn't know, because I didn't know then, I hadn't figured myself out. I'm certain he would have been supportive, I was just always so focused on being an alpha when I was with him, because it was only my second relationship, and my first with an omega. I was so worried about what I was supposed to do and be as an alpha that I didn't really think about myself. But losing him made me look at myself a bit more, get more used to being with myself and figuring myself out. And I got to define myself outside of being an omega's alpha. Again, not that Ben would have cared, but in terms of societal expectations, you know?" 

"Yeah, I know what you mean. I never really thought about things when I was with Gabriel. Not that I was allowed time to think at all," Azra added mildly, and Anthony shifted slightly, gently pulling away enough to stroke Azra's cheek. 

"Well, I like you just the way you are. Would you like a kiss?" 

Azra nodded, a shy smile spreading across his face as a light blush rose to his cheeks. "Yes, please." 

Anthony chuckled and curled his long fingers around Azra's jaw, taking his time as he leaned in, letting their lips brush before connecting. Azra leaned into it immediately, one hand sliding up into that perfect red hair, pride bursting in his chest. 

He'd conquered another mountain; he'd slept beside the alpha again, and woken up in his arms. He'd managed to build that trust back up, despite his lingering doubts, and it was definitely worth it. For Anthony's lips on his, Azra would do  _ anything.  _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you guys liked this chapter! Let me know what you think ♡♡  
> In other news, I have not yet posted my art, but I've decided that I'm going to post them to my new twitter because it's slightly easier (and possibly tumblr as well) so my username for that is @southdownsraph and on tumblr it's southdownsraphael. I'm going to post them later today when I have a chance to edit them quick because I forgot to put signatures on them. So anyway, keep an eye out!   
> ♡♡♡


	21. Chapter Twenty One

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter contains: sexual content.

A few days later, Azra was just folding the last of Emily's freshly cleaned shirts when he heard the front door unlock and swing open. 

"Anthony? Emily's in bed," Azra called out softly, and heard the clack of heels on the hardwood in the hallway. 

"Anthony?" Azra frowned, heading for the kitchen door just as Anthony rounded the corner, a light blush already on his cheeks. He was wearing his usual shirt and tight jeans combination, but a little bit differently; his shirt unbuttoned to the middle of his chest to show off a slice of skin, his usual shoes replaced with a pair of high-heeled black boots. His hair was as perfect as ever, brushing his jaw and shoulders, but his eyes looked even more beautiful than ever, framed with a touch of mascara and a thin line of winged eyeliner. 

"Holy shit," Azra breathed, and Anthony's blush darkened, his smile shy, but hopeful. 

"I um. I thought maybe I'd dip my toe back in the water," he murmured, and Azra grinned, stepping up close to him and running his hands down the alpha's chest. 

"God, please do, you look...amazing," he chuckled, and Anthony visibly relaxed, leaning down to kiss Azra softly and briefly. 

"So do you, angel."

Azra snorted, looking down at his button-up shirt and slacks. "If you say so, I just um...look normal," he mumbled, but Anthony was already pulling him into a gentle hug. "I didn't really realise we were um...dressing up," he hummed, hugging back tightly. 

"Ah, I know. I just felt like it," Anthony soothed, nuzzling the side of Azra's head lightly. "I like looking good for you, sweetheart. But I love seeing you comfortable." 

Azra smiled, gently pulling away and reaching up to brush a lock of Anthony's hair back gently. "Thank you," he murmured, and Anthony just smiled back, admiring his eyes. "Oh, um, the cheesecake should be done, you wanna come sit down?" 

"Cheesecake?" Anthony grinned, following Azra as he turned and hurried to the fridge. "When you invited me over for dessert, I assumed you meant ice cream from the freezer or something." 

Azra giggled softly and opened the fridge, taking out the passionfruit and raspberry cheesecake he'd made from scratch and turning to show it to Anthony shyly. "I like baking," he admitted softly, and Anthony chuckled, walking up to him and kissing his forehead. 

"I can see that, angel. It looks absolutely delicious, do you need help?"

"Thank you," Azra smiled, ignoring his blush as he shook his head. "No, I'm okay. I just have to put it on plates, go sit down." 

"Alright, sweetheart." 

Azra cut two slices of the cheesecake and put them onto plates, then grabbed two forks and carried it all into the dining room. He set one plate in front of Anthony, the other on the other side of the table, then grabbed his lighter from a nearby drawer and lit the candle on the table, his hand shaking slightly. 

Finally, Azra sat down and Anthony smiled at him, golden eyes made even brighter by the reflection of the candle flame. 

"Thank you so much for this, Azra. I feel really special," he said softly, and Azra blushed all over again, ducking his head and picking up his fork. 

"Well, you are," he answered quickly, but quietly, and felt Anthony's foot brush up against his under the table. 

Anthony just smiled and scooped up a bite of the cheesecake, eating it while Azra waited expectantly, trying not to stare but too nervous to look away. Those eyes fixed on him again, knowing and gentle, and he forced a small smile.

"It's one of the nicest desserts I've ever had," Anthony announced softly, and Azra relaxed, letting out a relieved sigh. 

"Thank God," he chuckled, and Anthony rolled his eyes fondly, blowing him a kiss before eating another bite.

They finished in silence, and before Azra could get up to clean the table, Anthony reached over and gently grabbed his arm. 

"Hey, let me," he soothed, getting up and blowing the candle out while Azra sat in stunned silence. 

"Why don't you go and get comfortable in bed and find something for us to watch while I wash up?" 

Azra hesitated for a moment, uncertain, his heart pounding in his chest. "Are you sure?" He said slowly, and Anthony nodded, frowning slightly. 

"Are you okay, angel?" 

Azra swallowed, looking down as he felt a hand in his hair, gentle and soothing. "I um...I'm fine." 

The rustle of clothing sounded loud in the quiet room and Anthony sank into a crouch in front of Azra, taking his hands gently, forcing him to make eye contact. 

"Hey," he murmured, his voice worried and soft, his eyebrows raised as those insufferably kind eyes fixed on Azra's. "Please tell me what's wrong, sweetheart." 

Azra pulled his hands away carefully, huffing a breath. "It's stupid, I just...I just thought of something and now I can't...can't stop worrying about it." 

"It's not stupid if it's upsetting you, angel," Anthony soothed, rubbing the outside of one of Azra's thighs. "I'm here for you, I want to make you feel better and safer and happier." 

Azra winced, sniffing as he tried to hold the emotion back. "I just um...when we were first together, Gabriel would play tricks on me and say he was going to do chores and then punish me for not doing them, a-and I know you wouldn't, but-" he cut himself off, looking at Anthony desperately. 

Anthony just nodded, taking Azra's hands again and holding gently. "It's okay. Sometimes things just come up, I understand. How about you carry them into the kitchen and I'll wash them for you? Then we're doing it together." 

Azra managed a shaky smile, nodding slightly. "Thank you, Anthony, you're far too good for me." 

"Don't say that, you deserve to be looked after," Anthony soothed, standing up and gently pulling Azra out of his chair. "Come on." 

Azra stumbled a bit, falling into Anthony's chest 'by accident,' and giggling softly as he kissed him, giddy with the joy of having such an understanding partner. Anthony grinned and helped him with the plates, kissing his cheek once they were washed and in the drying rack. 

Then Azra took his hand and headed for the stairs, grinning when Anthony slid an arm around his waist, squeezing gently. 

It didn't take them long to climb into bed together, the tv on in the background as an excuse to cuddle close, Azra's head resting on Anthony's chest, their legs tangled together. Azra let his hand rest on Anthony's stomach, his fingers poking through the gap between the buttons on his shirt and feeling that warm, soft skin. 

Anthony didn't say anything, but smiled to himself, squeezing Azra a little tighter and slipping his own hand under Azra's shirt. 

Rolling his eyes, Azra settled back to actually watch the tv, trying not to think too hard about the hand gently stroking up and down his side under his shirt. After a while, though, the movie he'd put on at random started to get a bit racy, and Azra could tell Anthony's hand was starting to wander a little further, up to Azra's ribs and down to his belt. 

He shifted slightly, his body starting to feel a little hotter, his own hand sliding further into Anthony's shirt while he parted his legs as subtly as he could. Anthony let out a soft sigh and was suddenly kissing Azra, his movements a little desperate and needy, as if he'd been waiting his whole life for that one moment. Azra leaned into it, his fingers curling in the alpha's hair while he rolled onto his back, his breathing already quick and shallow, his heart pounding almost painfully. 

He felt that he should have been scared, that he should have been panicking, but although he was nervous, he wasn't afraid. He could smell Anthony all around him, he could feel the care in his touch even when he was moving quickly, and he was basking in the attention. Azra even guided the kiss a little deeper while Anthony unbuttoned his shirt, his hands sliding over that scarred skin, over Azra's ribs and stomach and chest. 

Azra gasped softly and Anthony broke away for only a moment. 

"Is this okay?" 

Azra nodded hurriedly and Anthony was kissing him again, those long fingers instinctively finding Azra's most sensitive areas and skimming over them; long, manicured nails dragging enticingly over Azra's ribs. 

A shudder made Anthony pull back again, a question in his eyes, but Azra tugged him back down immediately, smiling into the kiss, his hands going to Anthony's shirt and fumbling with it desperately. The alpha gently brushed his hands away and leaned back, undoing one more button and tugging the shirt over his head, smiling as he tossed it aside. 

"You...so hot," Azra mumbled, and Anthony laughed, his eyes happy and kind, not at all mocking. 

"Thank you, angel. You look stunning as well," Anthony assured him, helping him sit up just long enough to slip his shirt off his shoulders. "That's it. I'm going to try to talk more this time, okay? Don't force it, yeah? There's no rush to do anything, angel," he murmured, cupping Azra's face in his hands as he leaned over the omega again.

Azra nodded, smiling nervously as Anthony just gazed down at him for a moment or two. 

"Can I kiss your neck and chest?" He asked softly, and Azra nodded hurriedly, his hand still on the back of Anthony's head as the alpha ducked, nuzzling into Azra's neck. 

Azra let out a happy sigh and tipped his head back as those warm lips dragged over his skin, teeth grazing. Anticipation was flooding through him, already making him hot and needy, although he didn't really want to think about what he was needy for. Kissing he could handle, but what came after, even though he did want it, was a whole different level. It would mean making himself vulnerable in ways that gave him nightmares, that made his hands shake and sweat. He wanted to open himself up to Anthony, to learn to release those memories and fill himself up with good ones instead, but it was easier said than done. 

Anthony bit down on Azra's collarbone, knocking him from his thoughts as his mouth fell open, his breath catching in a loud gasp. 

The pressure increased and Azra moaned, his whole body tensing, then relaxing as Anthony purred. Azra was trying to count everything as a step forward, so he curled his fingers tighter in Anthony's hair, allowing himself to leave his mouth open, his breaths a little ragged. He wanted Anthony to hear how good he was making him feel. 

A hand wandered over Azra's ribs, just as Anthony's hot tongue dragged over the omega's nipple, sending a wave of hot, heavy arousal washing through him, making him moan out again, although only softly. He bucked his hips slightly and Anthony slid his knee between his angel's legs. Hesitating for only a moment, Azra allowed him in, allowed Anthony's thigh to rub up against him. A shiver of pleasure rushed through Azra, familiar but forgotten, and he whimpered, causing Anthony to pull back quickly, frowning down at his partner. 

"Sorry, angel, are you-" 

"I'm okay, I promise," Azra said quickly, feeling his cheeks burning as he smiled up at Anthony, genuinely relaxed and happy. "I feel good, just...a bit surprised." 

Anthony nodded and kissed his cheek quickly, stroking his messy curls lightly. "Good, I'm glad," he murmured with a smile, although his eyes were still serious. "Tell me if you need a break or to stop, okay?" 

"Thank you," Azra answered simply, and Anthony smiled, then ducked down. Teeth brushed over Azra's nipple and he jerked, hips rolling against Anthony's leg as he moaned ever so softly. Hands were on his belt, unbuckling it carefully, and then Anthony's weight was gone, the alpha moving to the side to slip his own jeans off. A bit dazed, Azra hesitated before kicking his slacks away, quickly pulling the blanket back over his legs. 

Anthony smiled at him, leaning over to kiss the corner of his lips lightly. "Doing good?" 

"Nervous, but yes," Azra answered sincerely, and Anthony slipped under the blanket, then climbed over him again, stroking his cheeks. 

"Nervous is normal, but if it gets worse, tell me," he murmured, and Azra smiled, turning his head to kiss Anthony's wrist. 

"I know. I'll be okay, it's a good pace so far," he smiled, and Anthony nodded, fixing a couple of wayward curls. 

"Good. Is there anything I shouldn't touch or do?" He asked softly, and Azra bit his lip lightly, then shrugged. 

"I um...I don't really know," he admitted softly. "I haven't um...gotten this far with anyone since Gabriel, a-and he um...never used to touch me, really. Not like this, it was always about him." 

Anthony nodded, stroking his knuckles down Azra's cheek slowly. "Alright, sweetheart. You can tell me if there's anything I do that you don't like, okay?" 

Azra smiled, gently pulling Anthony down into a soft kiss in place of an answer, and it quickly got heated again, their lips moving together more desperately, Azra's hands wandering over Anthony's bare chest, exploring. 

Then Anthony's leg was moving back, his hand trailing down. His lips broke from Azra's only briefly, his scent clinging to the omega's consciousness. "Can I touch through your underwear?" He mumbled, his hand sliding lower when Azra nodded, the omega's head tipping back immediately, his legs spreading instinctively as Anthony's fingers found him. 

He shuddered and moaned, grabbing at Anthony desperately, his breathing heavy and ragged as his short fingernails dug into the alpha's back.

Even through his underwear, the sensation was overwhelming, pleasure bursting through him with every slow circle Anthony's fingers made, and Azra's hand closed around his wrist. 

Anthony drew back immediately, and Azra squeezed his eyes shut, breathing heavily for a moment or two. 

"Are you okay, sweetheart?" 

Azra nodded slightly, taking deep, slow breaths to try to get some air back while he managed a small smile. "Just a bit...a bit overwhelmed," he gasped, and Anthony nodded, stroking his cheek soothingly, his patience as solid as ever. 

"Do you need anything from me?" 

Azra swallowed, closing his eyes and focusing on the feeling of Anthony's gentle fingers on his cheek. "More talking would be nice," he admitted softly. "I like hearing your voice, it reminds me that I'm with you." 

"Alright, sweetheart. If you want to keep going, tell me when you're ready, okay?"

Azra nodded and opened his eyes, gazing up into soft gold. "Please. I just needed to catch my breath." 

Anthony smiled and kissed him softly, then slid his hand back down, finding exactly where they'd left off. Azra jerked and moaned softly, his head tipping back as his eyelids fluttered. 

"That's it, angel," Anthony praised softly, his voice full of care and gentle awe. "So good, you're doing so good." 

Azra's mouth hung open, his body rocking into the touch, his breath catching, pleasure rolling through him in easy, comfortable waves. 

And then Anthony's fingers curled around the waistband of his underwear. "Are you ready?" He asked very gently, and Azra nodded, opening his eyes again and gazing up at Anthony happily. "Please." 

Anthony purred and helped Azra wriggle his underwear down, then kick them off, and leaned over him again, stroking his hair slowly. "Open your legs a bit more, angel," he murmured, and Azra did as he was told, nerves suddenly rising again, choking him. 

"I-I'm scared," he admitted quickly, and Anthony smiled sympathetically, nodding slightly. 

"I understand, sweetheart. But I'm going to take such good care of you, I promise. All I want is to make you feel good, to make you happy. Remember we don't have to, yeah?" 

Azra relaxed a bit, taking a slow, shaky breath as he tried his hardest to believe those soft words. 

"Okay. I want to try." 

Anthony smiled and stroked up his thigh slowly, feeling every scar, letting his skin brush over Azra's slowly, tantalising. Azra's legs fell a little wider as he relaxed further, and Anthony's fingers slid easily, Azra's eyebrows clashing, his mouth opening in a silent cry. Pleasure raced through him, intense and almost unfamiliar, making his whole body shiver with delight. 

"Good, I'm so proud of you," Anthony purred, starting with slow, deliberate circles that made Azra's eyes roll back. "You're doing so well, so brave," he continued to praise, and Azra bucked again, jolting at the spike in pleasure. 

Anthony chuckled softly and pressed his face into the omega's neck, kissing there lightly as he started to speed up his motion, moving it down along Azra's short shaft to focus on the head of his small cock. Azra forgot to breathe, his whole body tensing, his nails dragging down Anthony's back before he suddenly gasped and moaned, his voice cracking. 

"B-break!" 

Anthony pulled back hurriedly, his hand going to Azra's thigh and massaging lightly, soothingly. 

"J-just gotta breathe," Azra panted, closing his eyes tight. "S-sorry!" 

"Don't apologise, my angel," Anthony soothed, his lips finding Azra's jaw. "You're doing incredibly well, I promise. Do you want me to try inside? We don't have to." 

Azra blinked, then nodded slightly, taking a deep breath. "O-okay. I might panic, but I'd like to try." 

"We'll cross that bridge when we come to it," Anthony answered calmly, flashing him a bright smile. "I'm here to take care of you, remember." 

Azra smiled back and nodded, pulling him down into a brief kiss. "Thank you. I'd...I'd like to start again." 

"Your wish is my command," Anthony joked, and Azra rolled his eyes just before he was pulled into a passionate kiss, fingers sliding back over his cock, stroking slowly for a few moments before dipping between his folds and tracing a circle around his entrance. Then Anthony went back to quick, short strokes over Azra's cock, fingers moving expertly, easily. 

Azra broke away from the kiss to moan again, and Anthony took the chance to lap over one of his nipples, biting down ever so lightly. A cry spilled from Azra's parted lips, his hips twitching, and Anthony's fingers slid down and pressed into him. 

Azra jerked and grabbed at Anthony's wrist, pulling sharply, and Anthony leaned back slightly, shifting his weight further from the omega to give him more space as he closed his eyes tight. There had been just a touch of discomfort, the fleeting feeling that he was a little too tight, his passage having been devoid of any visitors for months. And it had brought memories with it, much more dangerous than that brief pain. 

"Azra, sweetheart, it's okay," Anthony crooned, and Azra turned his head as soon as he felt that gentle touch, craving Anthony's hands everywhere, craving that calming sensation of skin against his. His eyelids fluttered open and he gazed up at those beautiful golden eyes, round with worry and care. 

"I'm sorry, angel, I-" 

Azra blinked in shock, then smiled happily, sliding his hand over Anthony's cheek. "I'm okay," he murmured, his voice touched with gentle awe. "I thought I was going to panic, but I'm okay." 

Anthony's face softened, his smile wide and genuine, his touch even more gentle than before as he stroked his knuckles down Azra's cheek. "I'm so glad. You're so brave, sweetheart," he purred, and Azra spread his legs a little wider, much more confident now. 

"Can we keep going? I'd like to try again, please," he admitted softly, and Anthony grinned, kissing him lightly before running his hand back down Azra's thigh. 

"Are you sure?" Anthony pressed gently, his smile going a bit soft, his hand just rubbing at Azra's skin lightly. "You can say no, angel, I won't be upset." 

"I'm sure, I promise." 

This time, Azra was ready for the slight pinch, but it didn't come, and Anthony's fingers slid into him easily, curling against his spot and making his whole body tight with pleasure. He moaned out his joy, and Anthony's thumb found his cock, rubbing those intoxicating little circles as his fingers began to thrust, reaching deep into Azra's long-neglected entrance. 

Azra let his head fall back, the only thing he could hear was Anthony's soft encouragement, the only thing he could feel was that mounting pleasure, heat stirring in his stomach. He shuddered, then stiffened as he peaked, moaning out loudly when his first orgasm in months hit him full-force, his hips rocking desperately, his chest heaving. Anthony purred, stroking him through it until he went still, then slowly sliding his hand from Azra. 

Azra stared at the ceiling for a while, basking in the afterglow, until it actually hit him. He'd had  _ sex _ again. 

A rush of air escaped his lungs and tears suddenly welled up, spilling over before he could stop them as the fierce joy ripped through him. He felt  _ free.  _

"Oh, angel, don't cry," Anthony murmured softly, gathering him up, pulling him close, and Azra laughed through his tears, burying his face in his partner's neck. 

"I'm j-just happy!" He said quickly, and Anthony hugged him even tighter, kissing the side of his head. 

"Good, I'm happy for you, sweetheart, and for us. I've got you," Anthony hummed, his hand cradling the back of Azra's head, holding him tightly, passionately. 

Azra nuzzled even closer, pressing himself to Anthony, breathing in that sweet scent and letting the tears fall, spilling over his cheeks as he felt something heavy lifting from his chest. He felt as if a part of himself had been given back, a part he'd been missing for years. He'd been able to enjoy himself with another person, he'd trusted enough to give his body over to Anthony, and he'd chosen correctly. 

His hand drifted down, fingers curling around the waistband of Anthony's boxers, but Anthony was already gently pulling his hand away. 

"Shh, angel. Not tonight," he mumbled, and Azra frowned, pulling away slightly. 

"What? But-" 

"I don't want you to push yourself too hard and get scared," Anthony soothed, his eyes soft, his touch gentle as he traced his fingertips down the side of Azra's face. "I'm okay, honestly. I'm a bit.." he blushed, glancing down with a wry smile. "A bit worked up, but it'll go away." 

Azra took a deep breath and nodded slightly, his throat feeling tight and uncomfortable. "O-okay. Promise you won't be mad later?" 

Anthony blinked, but recovered from his surprise almost immediately. "I promise," he said simply, and kissed Azra's forehead gently. "Why don't you go get properly ready for bed and clean up? I'll put some pajamas on." 

Azra nodded, grabbing a shirt so baggy it was practically a night dress from the bedside table and slipping it on before getting up and hurrying to the bathroom. 

"I wasn't looking anyway," Anthony chuckled softly, and Azra giggled, smiling to himself as he shut the door behind him and leaned back against it. Then he slid down, sitting on the floor and hugging his knees as he stared at nothing, the smile still lingering. 

His heart was still beating quickly, his legs feeling a bit shaky from his climax, but he felt  _ good.  _ And he knew the feeling was going to last. 

After a moment of just sitting with his emotions, Azra got up and finished getting ready for bed, then wandered out of the bathroom to find Anthony curled up, reading something on his phone. Azra walked past the bed and pulled on some fresh underwear and a pair of pajama trousers, then a clean t-shirt, and climbed back into bed, blushing as he laid down on his side. 

Anthony tucked his phone away quickly and smiled at him softly, reaching out to rest a hand on his cheek. 

"I know I've said it a thousand times now, but I really am proud of you, Azra. You're so brave, and I admire you a lot, sweetheart." 

Azra rolled his eyes, but felt his blush darken as he pressed a soft kiss to Anthony's cheek. "Thank you. I'm really happy, too. I'm sorry for crying, it was just a big moment and um...and I feel like I'm really starting to break free of my past now." 

Anthony smiled a little sadly and ran his thumb under Azra's eye slowly. "You already were, my angel. But I know what you mean. Come here." 

Content and full of hope, Azra cuddled up to Anthony's chest, his eyes closing up as he relaxed into the embrace, his own arm sliding around that thin waist. 

"Get some rest," Anthony murmured, and Azra hummed agreement, smiling as he began to let go, sleep tugging him under. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys!   
> I hope you liked this chapter! The next one is a bit less happy, just fair warning. Also the one after that (23) will have a massive warning on it, so keep an eye out, I'll try to remember to mention it in the notes for 22 as well :)   
> For those of you that have left really big comments that I haven't replied to yet, don't worry! I've absolutely loved reading them as always, and I will get around to answering them soon!   
> <3<3<3


	22. Chapter Twenty Two

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter contains: drug and alcohol misuse.

Anthony woke before Azra, rolling over to see his partner sprawled out beside him, fast asleep and content. Chuckling to himself, Anthony sat up and drew his knees into his chest, just watching Azra sleep for a moment or two.

After a few minutes, Azra let out a soft breath and frowned, so Anthony leaned over, gently stroking his hair in an attempt to wake him up before he could have any kind of bad dream. 

"Angel?" 

Azra let out a soft little sigh, turning his face into the pillow, so Anthony laid down in front of him, running the backs of his fingers down one soft, plump cheek. 

"Wake up, sweetheart." 

A quiet, protesting grunt emanated from Azra, but Anthony just smiled, leaning forward to kiss him. He took his time, his fingers curling in Azra's hair first, his lips pressing against the omega's cheek before brushing over his. Azra's eyes opened, but closed again immediately as he began to kiss back. Anthony stopped teasing and pulled Azra a little deeper, then rolled him onto his back playfully, laughing as he straddled his hips. Azra gazed up at him sleepily, a bright smile on his face, and Anthony went silent, just staring at his partner, enjoying his beauty. 

"I feel really good this morning," Azra announced shyly, and Anthony smirked, raising an eyebrow. 

"Yeah? Wonder why that is," he purred, and got a slap on the outside of his thigh as punishment. 

"Don't be vulgar," Azra snapped, but Anthony could tell he was joking - or at least half joking. 

"That was suggestive, not vulgar. I could give you an example of vulgar if you like," Anthony pushed, and Azra rolled his eyes, suddenly shifting his weight and shoving Anthony's side to push him to the bed. Anthony laughed, landing a bit awkwardly, but ignoring the pain in his back as Azra crawled over him, grinning, his body hovering a little too close to the alpha's for Anthony's comfort - not that he didn't like Azra being that close, the issue being that he liked Azra being close possibly a little  _ too  _ much. 

"You are very naughty," Azra said slowly, a soft little purr to his voice that made Anthony's eyes widen, his position becoming a little more compromised. 

"Angel, I-" 

"Mhm, I know," Azra answered smugly, kissing the corner of his lips with a bright smile. 

"You bastard," Anthony chuckled, and gently pulled him into a proper kiss, his arms sliding around the omega's warm, soft waist. Azra was the first to break away, and Anthony just gazed up at him, admiring the way the morning light seemed to add a glow to his beautiful features. 

Anthony didn't think before he said it, he didn't consciously make himself say the words, but they slipped out anyway, seeming so loud and important in the peaceful room, despite how softly he said them. 

"I love you."

Azra froze immediately, the smile melting off his face, then he sat back hurriedly, shaking his head slightly as he allowed Anthony to sit up as well, blushing bright red. 

"Are you serious?" Azra asked quietly, his expression far too blank for Anthony's comfort. The alpha nodded slightly, gently taking Azra's hand and squeezing his fingers. "Yes, angel, I love you," he repeated softly, tilting his head slightly. "But if you don't feel the same, you don't have to-" Anthony tried, but Azra was already starting to shake. 

"N-no, you can't," he laughed, his eyes filling with tears, his voice bitter and almost angry. "Y-you can't love me, Anthony. That's…you j-just can't." 

Anthony sighed and tried to take Azra's other hand, but he jerked away, tears spilling down his cheeks and causing hurt and confusion to twist in Anthony's chest. "Azra, I think you need to take a deep breath and calm down. I don't think you're thinking entirely rationally," he murmured, but Azra was already glaring at the sheets, his whole body still trembling. 

"I'm fine," he snapped, and Anthony took a deep breath of his own. "I just don't want you to love me." 

"Well, that's stupid," Anthony said as gently as he could, keeping his hands to himself. "I don't get it." 

Azra's jaw clenched, fresh tears dripping onto the blanket below him. "I don't want you to love me because I'm not worth it," he said slowly, his voice barely above a hiss. "I'm fucked up and stupid and I'm...I'm not good for you, Anthony. For anyone. I don't want to hurt you." 

Anthony chuckled humourlessly, shaking his head slightly. "Okay, so you don't want to hurt me, yet you decide to tell me this directly after the first time I tell you I love you?" He answered sharply, hurt cracking through his chest like a whip, his fingers curling so his nails bit into his palms. 

"You're not listening to me, Anthony!" Azra practically wailed, looking up at his partner with tears pouring down his cheeks. "I can't let you love me! Y-you deserve so much better!" 

"You make me happy!" Anthony snapped, wanting to grab Azra by the shoulders and shake him until he came to his senses. "I. Love. You! I don't think there is anything any better than that," he said firmly, taking deep breaths to try and stay calm through the sharp pain of rejection. 

"There is. You could love someone without a kid who isn't yours, without hundreds of scars, without PTSD, depression, anxiety, and an eating disorder. You could love someone as perfect as you!" Azra half-shouted, his face red under all those sticky tears. "I shouldn't make you happy!" 

Anthony opened his mouth to yell, then shut his eyes quickly, pinching the bridge of his nose as he took deep, slow breaths. "Alright, sweetheart," he murmured at last, folding his hands in his lap and looking at Azra seriously. "I love you, but I need to go because I'm getting upset, and I don't want to shout at you, alright?"

Azra sighed, looking away sharply, his jaw tight again, his shoulders tense with emotion. "I told you. I've already upset you enough that you have to leave," he pointed out quietly, and Anthony rolled his eyes, but didn't say anything. 

Instead, he leaned in and pressed a soft kiss to Azra's cheek, then got up slowly, picking his shirt up off the floor and slipping it on. 

He hesitated in the doorway, looking back at his partner, at the way he sat so dejectedly, staring at the floor. 

"I love you, angel," Anthony said one last time, then slipped out of the room, shutting the door behind him with a quiet click. 

* * *

Anthony slammed his front door behind him, throwing his keys onto the counter and snatching up his sheet of pills. He popped one into his hand and took it dry, then leaned back against the counter, finally letting it all hit him. 

It was hard to know what to feel, because he wasn't entirely sure what had happened. It had felt like rejection, but it hadn't sounded like it. 

And yet, Anthony could tell that he'd failed. His only goal for months had been to make Azra comfortable around him, but he wasn't comfortable enough to believe Anthony loved him, that he would love him no matter what. 

Anthony buried his face in his hands, then groaned and tangled his fingers in his hair, pulling at it lightly. "Fuck," he muttered to himself, hating himself for leaving, for giving up. Deep down, he knew it was the right decision, he knew that staying would have just made everything worse - he would have shouted and scared Azra, and ruined his trust all over again - but it was hard when all he wanted to do was wrap the omega up in a tight hug and tell him how much he loved him over and over until he stopped protesting. 

Anthony's phone buzzed and he grabbed at it shakily, but it was just a useless email, so he turned his phone on silent and shoved it back into his pocket. Then he took a deep breath and stepped away from the counter, heading into his room to work. 

* * *

By the time Anthony had eaten dinner - although he'd only managed to eat half a sandwich before he felt too ill - and had finally given up on trying to concentrate enough to work, he was exhausted and still quite emotional. He checked his phone and found nothing, so he got up and began to search the kitchen, turning all the cupboards inside out until he found what he was looking for. 

A bottle of wine, a gift from his supervisor when he'd gotten his masters, was staring back at him. He'd never opened it because it was a very expensive vintage, and he'd kept thinking that he should save it for a special day. But now it was the only alcohol in the house, so he popped the cork, found his pills, and got down to the business of getting completely and utterly wasted. 

* * *

Anthony woke the next morning lying facedown on his bed, fully clothed and in pain. He groaned softly and squeezed his eyes shut against the blinding light from the window, flailing around until he found his phone. He squinted at the screen and nearly dropped the phone in his haste to unlock it. He had three voicemails, all of them from Azra. 

Anthony dialed the number for his voicemail and held the phone to his ear, his fingers trembling as he waited for the message to start. 

"Anthony...Anthony, I-...I'm really, really sorry," the familiar voice choked out, a stifled sob threatening to rip Anthony's heart in two. "I'm sorry I'm such a fucking mess, I-...please come back, I'm so stupid, I want you here. I miss you a-and I never meant to hurt you, I'm just...I'm just so  _ stupid.  _ And scared. Please, please call me, I m-miss you." 

The other two messages were very similar, the tone getting more tearful and more pleading over time, but as soon as they ended, Anthony was calling him, waiting nervously as the dial tone sounded. 

Each ring made him shake a little more, his breathing quick and shallow, but Azra didn't pick up. The beep for voicemail almost made Anthony jump, and he pressed the heel of his hand against one eye, his fingers trembling against his forehead. 

"Azra, my angel. I-I...we need to talk. I know that you're a mess, and that's okay," he murmured, his voice as gentle as he could make it with all the emotion boiling in his chest, threatening to spill over. "So am I, in some ways. But if we want to do this, we need to learn to communicate a bit better. We need to work at this, yeah? I love you, Azra, and that isn't going to change anytime soon, I promise. Please call me back, sweetheart." 

Anthony hung up and stared at nothing for a while, then slowly got up and headed into the kitchen to make himself some breakfast. 

* * *

Anthony stood there for a moment, staring up at the familiar front door, then took his keys out of his pocket and picked the right one. He was a few minutes early, but he unlocked the door anyway and slipped through, his hands shaking slightly as he shut it behind him. 

He took his shoes and coat off, then wandered into the living room to find Azra curled up on the couch, his hands wrapped around a mug of tea. 

"Hey," Anthony said softly, and Azra looked at him, blue eyes wide and sad. "Is Emily in bed?" 

"Yeah," Azra answered, patting the couch beside him. Anthony didn't need telling twice, quickly hurrying around the other side of the couch to sit down. Azra leaned into him immediately, still huddled around his mug. 

"You okay, angel?" Anthony asked gently, and Azra nodded slightly, staring down into the depths of his mug. 

"Yeah...I um. We need to talk." 

"Yeah, we do," Anthony murmured, kissing the side of his head lightly. "But it doesn't have to be scary, sweetheart. I'm here to listen to you, okay? So just talk to me." 

Azra nodded slowly, taking a deep, slow breath. "First of all, I um...I love you too, Anthony. Very much, you mean the world to me. I just...I have issues," he mumbled, and Anthony wrapped an arm around him gently, shifting a little closer in an attempt to comfort him without being overbearing. 

"I'm here for you, Azra," he murmured, and Azra smiled sadly, leaning over to put his mug on the coffee table. Then he finally looked at Anthony again, his expression so sad that Anthony's breath caught in his throat. 

"I know, darling," Azra smiled, but the tears were welling up already, threatening to spill as Anthony basked in the warmth of that first little pet name. "I um. I had a panic yesterday, because...it was all a lot at once. With...with Gabriel," he went on, wincing as he uttered that hated name. "He used to use 'I love you' as a way to manipulate me, and he used to force me to say it to him when, um...well, in bad situations," Azra sighed, his cheeks going a little pink as Anthony hugged him tighter, protective, but gentle. "So um...I guess when you said it, it just brought back those memories a bit, and...yeah. I'll get over it, I just need to make some new memories, but that and...well, it was the first time I really realised that I...I love you...and that's terrifying, y'know? Last time I fell in love...and it just makes me quite vulnerable. And I really am scared that I'll hurt you by accident. I know that's stupid, but I'm so fucked up, and so scared all the time, and-" 

"I'm just going to interrupt here," Anthony said gently, reaching over to stroke Azra's cheek lightly, smiling when those watery blue eyes fixed on his. "People in relationships hurt each other sometimes. Especially people with trauma and difficult pasts like us, and that's okay. It happens. But we already know that we can talk things through, like this, and sort ourselves out. So please don't worry about that, okay? Relationships take work, that's natural, and there's no point in worrying about it now." 

Azra smiled shakily, a tear spilling down his cheek and immediately being caught and wiped away by Anthony. "I know, but just not worrying isn't easy for me." 

"I know, sweetheart," Anthony soothed, pressing a soft kiss to his forehead. "I know. But it's worth trying." 

Azra managed another smile, grabbing at Anthony's hand and squeezing it tightly. "Thank you, Anthony. I'm sorry about yesterday, it just all got on top of me at once, and I panicked." 

"It's alright, my love," Anthony soothed, gently pulling him into a proper hug. "It's sorted now. I love you, so much." 

"I love you too," Azra sniffled, pressing himself closer to Anthony, clinging to him gently.

"How about cuddles in bed?" Anthony suggested softly, and Azra squeezed him a little tighter. 

"Yes please." 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know this chapter isn't as happy, but at least it had a nice ending!   
> The next one is a lot, though. There are very intense descriptions of violence and injury detail, if you think this is going to worry you, feel free to contact me. I will put more detailed warnings at the beginning of the chapter as well, and there is comfort in the chapter as well.   
> Hope you're all doing well! <3<3


	23. Chapter Twenty Three

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ***WARNING***  
> This chapter contains: description of violent pornography, injury detail, intense descriptions of violence and non-consensual sex (past/recorded, includes multiple people), brief description of present drug misuse, detailed scar description.  
> Also comfort/happy ending.

A few days later, Anthony went over to babysit for Azra while he was at another therapy appointment, picking Emily up from school and taking her home. Almost as soon as they got back, Emily asked to play games on her ipad, so Anthony texted Azra to ask if it was okay, and was told to look on Azra's computer for the passcode. 

Leaving Emily watching cartoons downstairs, Anthony went into Azra's room and sat down on the bed, opening his laptop carefully. He logged in and went into the notes app, humming to himself as he clicked through the different pages. One of them caught his eye - completely empty except for a single link. Anthony frowned, glancing behind him to check the bedroom door was shut, his curiosity rising. He tried to tell himself that he shouldn't look, that it was an invasion of privacy, but he couldn't ignore that little voice in the back of his mind telling him to open it. 

He clicked, and to his shock, it opened a window in a porn website, the video a blank screen with a loading symbol. Before he could decide whether to just close the tab or not, the video started playing. 

Anthony swallowed, his eyes wide as he watched, dread filling him, cold and heavy. There were a group of naked men standing in a half circle around a kneeling figure with curly blond hair. The figure was skeleton-thin and the hair was long, past the person's shoulders, but as they looked up at the camera, there was a flash of familiar blue eyes. 

Anthony froze completely, his heart thudding in his chest as he stared at the screen, barely breathing. The person had their hands cuffed behind their back, the sharp metal digging into their wrists and causing blood to drip from their fingers. They were gagged with some kind of fabric, and cuts, welts, and burns all adorned their skin, some open and weeping, some half-healed. The camera was brought closer briefly, showing that torn skin, the blood smeared all over the figure, and Anthony had to suppress the urge to gag. 

There was a quiet chuckle from behind the camera and a click as it was fitted back onto the tripod. Then a man stepped around from behind it, immediately fixed with that blue stare, the kneeling person's eyes filled with a bone-chilling terror. The gag was untied and ripped out of their mouth, and they winced, shifting uncomfortably. A flash of light in the background revealed that one of the men around the circle was holding a knife, sharp and already primed with blood. The towel under the victim's knees was stained with red, and when they shifted slightly, Anthony could see the handcuffs around their ankles as well, tightened to make them bleed. 

The man crouched down, his face blurred out, but tattoos visible, and whispered something in the victim's ear. 

Those blue eyes turned and fixed on the camera, tears streaming down pale, thin cheeks. "I love you." 

The voice was broken and hoarse, and higher-pitched than Anthony was used to hearing, but it was unmistakably familiar. He gagged this time, his hand over his mouth, tears spilling as he watched the man stand up and grab the poor person's chin, wrenching their mouth open and thrusting inside sharply. 

Shaking, Anthony closed the window and slammed the laptop shut, tossing it to the side and burying his face in his hands. After a moment of shocked breathlessness, he began to sob, his whole body trembling with despair and rage. He'd seen the scars, he'd seen the panic attacks, but it was so, so different to seeing it on video. To seeing the hopelessness in Azra's eyes, to seeing the blood shining in open wounds. He shuddered, trying not to gag again as he thought about how long the video had been - there had been another three hours of it, and he didn't want to imagine what the rest of it had been like. 

A creaking behind him shook him out of his thoughts and he turned sharply just as Emily slipped into the room, hurrying over to him. She offered Anthony the stuffed toy in her arms, smiling up at him worriedly.

"Mr. Teddy always helps me feel better when I'm sad," she announced, and Anthony laughed through his tears, gently scooping her up and sitting her in his lap. He hugged her tightly and she rested her head against his chest, holding her toy just as tight. 

"I'll be okay, little one," he mumbled, trying to dry his tears and failing. "I just watched a very sad video," he went on, rubbing her back lightly. She nodded and leaned into him a little more. 

"I cry whenever I watch the Lion King," Emily answered seriously, and Anthony sniffed, taking a deep breath. 

"Yeah? It's sad, huh?" He smiled, kissing the side of her head. "I couldn't find the ipad code, but maybe we could play on the Wii for a bit? How about you go set it up, love?" 

"Okay," Emily hummed, slipping off his lap and marching out, apparently satisfied now that he was no longer sobbing. Anthony managed a shaky smile and quickly grabbed his phone, pressing it to his ear. It rang twice, then clicked. 

"Hello?" 

"Anathema?" Anthony murmured, taking a deep, shuddering breath. 

"Yeah? You sound awful, everything alright?" 

Anthony sniffed and looked down at his lap, trying to ignore the tears welling up all over again. "N-not really. I mean, Azra and Emily are okay, I just...did Azra tell you about any videos?" 

There was a long silence, then a deep sigh. "How did you find them?" 

"He had a link on his laptop," Anthony mumbled, biting back a sob as he remembered those hopeless eyes. The tears were hot, practically scorching his skin as they slid down, dripping from his chin. "It wasn't labelled, so I just.." he trailed off and Anathema sighed. 

"Yeah, I um...I've never seen them, I just know they exist. How much did you watch?" 

"Just...like, a minute," Anthony forced out, his nostrils flaring as he pressed a hand over his mouth, fresh tears falling over his skin. 

"Are you okay?" 

"No," Anthony whimpered, drawing his knees up into his chest. "I...I just want to hug him." 

"How about I come fetch Emily?" Anathema suggested gently, her voice soft and compassionate. "That way you guys can have a good long talk about things and a cuddle when he gets home without having to stress." 

"That would be good," Anthony answered shakily, stifling another sob as he tried to pull his knees in even tighter. "Th-thank you." 

"No problem, I'll leave now. Try to take deep breaths and find something to keep your mind off it, okay?" 

"O-okay," Anthony mumbled, trying to stop trembling without any success. 

"I'll see you soon," Anathema murmured, then hung up, and the phone slipped from Anthony's hand, dropping to the bed with a muffled thud. He stared at nothing for a while, then unfolded and got up slowly, stumbling a bit before heading downstairs and finding Emily already playing MarioKart on the wii. Anthony sat down beside her and stroked her hair, watching without really taking anything in. 

He felt heavy and useless, and still rather nauseous, and he wanted more than anything to be holding Azra, to be kissing him all over and cuddling him tight. He'd known it had taken Azra a lot to trust him, but until now he hadn't known how much. He hadn't known exactly how broken Azra was, not in the way he did now. 

He'd known facts and vague stories, and had seen the imprints left behind, but now he'd gotten as close to feeling that pain as he could; and it  _ ached  _ deep in his bones.

Anthony tried to focus on Emily and the game she was playing, but it was still hard, his breathing a little ragged, his hands shaking. After a while of just sitting there and holding back the tears, Anthony heard the front door open. 

"Anthony?" Anathema called, and he relaxed, letting his shoulders sag as he smiled at Emily. 

"Living room," he shouted back, and soon heard quiet footsteps coming towards him, just before Anathema slipped into the living room. 

"Auntie!" Emily squealed, jumping up and running over to her. 

"Hey, sweetie!" Anathema chuckled, picking her up easily and smiling at Anthony sadly. "Go pack an overnight bag while I talk to Anthony, okay?" 

Emily nodded and hurried off as soon as she was set on her feet, so Anathema walked over slowly and sat down beside Anthony, taking his hand carefully. 

"Are you okay?" 

"I will be," he said quietly, taking a deep breath. "It was just...awful. But I'll move on, I just...I feel like I'm waiting for him to come back and then I can start my life again. I just have to see him first, you know?" 

Anathema nodded, squeezing his hand gently. "Will you be alright if I go?" 

"Yeah, I'll um...I'll be okay," he answered, forcing a smile despite the sick, shaky feeling in his stomach. "I want to do something for him." 

"Maybe get him some ice cream or something. He might be a bit upset later," Anathema suggested softly, running her thumb over Anthony's knuckles. "You're doing a great job with him, though. He told me about the other day, and leaving and giving him space was exactly the right thing to do. And he's so confident with you now, you're really making him happy, I can tell. He'll be okay." 

Anthony nodded slightly, flashing her a weak smile as footsteps hurried down the stairs. "I needed to hear that, thank you." 

"Anytime. I'll see you tomorrow, probably," she murmured as Emily bounced in, her backpack on her shoulder. Anathema got up and stroked her hair, her smile soft and caring. 

"Go say bye to Anthony, baby." 

Emily climbed onto the couch quickly and threw her arms around Anthony's neck, hugging him tightly. He leaned his head against hers for a moment, enjoying the embrace, then smiled at her as she pulled away. 

"Bye, Anthony!" 

"Bye, love," he murmured, and Anathema waved as they walked out, the front door closing behind them a few moments later. Anthony groaned and buried his face in his hands, heaving a long, heartfelt sigh. 

* * *

By the time Azra got home, Anthony had managed to make a huge mess in the kitchen, but had also produced a rather ugly, but very tasty cake. Although baking wasn't his strong point and he'd found it rather stressful, it had certainly kept his mind off the video. The two - admittedly weak - pills he'd taken certainly hadn't made it any harder to forget, either. 

He was just putting the finishing touches on the cake when he heard footsteps, and looked up just as Azra appeared in the kitchen doorway, keys dangling from his fingers. 

"Anthony? Anathema said she picked up Em 'cause you weren't feeling well?" He asked, his brow wrinkled in confusion, and Anthony stared at him for a moment, then dropped the knife he'd been holding and rushed forward, dragging Azra into a tight hug and burying his face in that soft hair as he tried not to cry. 

Surprised, Azra hugged back tightly, his fingertips pressing into Anthony's sides lightly. 

"Hey, what's going on?" He murmured, and the softness in his voice was enough to tip Anthony over the edge; guilt, sadness, sympathy, and anger all flaring up at once and causing him to start sobbing quietly. 

"Oh darling, come sit down," Azra soothed, gently pulling away from Anthony's desperate grip and leading him out of the kitchen and into the living room. Anthony collapsed onto the sofa and grabbed at Azra shakily, clinging to him, reminding himself that he was here and okay and not bleeding on some basement floor. 

"I-I'm sorry!" He gasped out, and Azra frowned, tucking his hair back and stroking his cheeks gently. 

"I don't know what for, my darling," he said softly, wiping the tears as they fell. "Can you try to calm down and tell me? Deep breaths, that's it. It's alright." 

Anthony fixed on those concerned blue eyes and tried to stop sobbing, his bottom lip wobbling as he clung to Azra's arms. "P-please don't hate me," he whispered, and Azra shook his head slightly, smiling sadly. 

"I couldn't if I tried, Anthony, I promise." 

"I found the video link," Anthony choked out at last, expecting tears or shouting or a panic attack. Instead, Azra just nodded, gently pulling Anthony into his arms. 

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean for anyone to find it," he sighed, and Anthony hugged him tightly, shock stemming the flow of tears as his fingers curled in Azra's shirt. 

"Wh-why do you have it?" He asked shakily, and Azra sighed, squeezing him tighter and rocking him slightly. 

"In case I ever had to show it to the police," he answered flatly. "For the first few years, I was always worried Gabriel would come back for me."

Anthony nodded and sat back slowly, taking another deep breath. "I'm s-sorry for freaking out so much," he mumbled, and Azra just smiled, stroking his hair lightly. 

"How much did you watch?" 

"Only a minute, I just...it took me a while to...to recognise you," Anthony sighed, looking down at his trembling hands. "I...I couldn't keep watching." 

"Good, I wouldn't have wanted you to see me like that," Azra murmured, taking Anthony's hands gently. "There are more of them, up on other websites. Does that bother you?" 

Anthony squeezed his hands lightly, thinking about this for a moment or two before shaking his head. "No. I mean, I don't like it because it's disrespectful to you and they're so...so horrible, but I don't blame you, it doesn't change how I feel about you." 

Azra nodded slightly, and Anthony looked up to see those soft blue eyes swimming with tears. "Thank you for saying that," Azra smiled shakily, leaning in and kissing Anthony softly, just a brief little peck. "Now how about this cake you made?" 

Anthony blinked, a little shocked by the sudden change of subject. "I-...it's not very good, I mean-" 

"It smells delicious," Azra soothed, smiling at him sadly. "Please? I want to talk more after, but I need some processing time." 

Azra could have asked for anything at that moment, he could have asked for the moon and Anthony would have tried his hardest to get it for him. 

"Of course." 

Anthony got up unsteadily and Azra followed, his hand brushing against Anthony's back lightly, his smile a little worried, but loving. Trying not to shake, Anthony cut two generous slices of the messy cake and dumped them onto plates, handing one to Azra. 

"It's lemon," he mumbled shyly, and Azra leaned forward to kiss his cheek. 

"Thank you, Anthony. I love you." 

Anthony winced, remembering the video, but the voice was so different, deeper, softer, happy. He watched Azra get two forks from the drawer and took one carefully, poking at his cake unenthusiastically. Azra took a bite and let out a sound that made Anthony's eyes widen and his body feel a bit hot. 

"Oh God, this is really good cake," Azra announced, then saw the look Anthony was giving him and blushed. "Sorry." 

Anthony swallowed, then shook his head quickly. "No, don't be! I just...not good timing today." 

Azra nodded, stepping closer to Anthony and smiling up at him. "Maybe another day?" 

"I certainly hope so," Anthony answered honestly and Azra grinned, going back to his cake. 

"Last time was...very special," he admitted quietly, and Anthony smiled shyly, taking a bite of his own cake.

"Good. It should be." 

They finished the rest in silence and then Azra gently took Anthony's hand, leaning into his chest slightly. "Let's go upstairs, yeah? I'm tired, I wanna lay down."

Anthony nodded and followed Azra up the stairs dreamily, sitting on the edge of the bed and picking at a loose thread on his sweatpants while Azra changed into pajamas. Then they climbed in together and Azra gently pulled Anthony back before he could turn the light off. 

"I um...need to show you something," he said softly, and Anthony nodded, his heart sinking at Azra's serious tone. 

"Okay," he mumbled apprehensively, and Azra smiled sadly, peeling the blanket back from his body and pulling the waistband of his pajamas down to show off his hip. A word stood out, carved into his skin, but healed long ago into thick white scars.  _ Slut.  _

Anthony gritted his teeth, remembering the way Azra had said it after he'd been assaulted, his voice broken and apologetic, and he felt an overwhelming urge to punch someone. Preferably Gabriel. 

"Azra, I-" 

Azra pulled the pajamas down a little further, pointing to the tally marks underneath, short, thick little scars. "I know you've seen them before, but...sometimes you don't really  _ see  _ things, y'know? Gabriel put a tally in for every time he forced me to be on camera with strangers. I have eleven," he murmured, his voice eerily devoid of emotion. "I don't know how many are online." 

Anthony gently tugged the pajamas back up, covering that horrible word and cupping Azra's jaw in his hands as rage made him tremble. "You are not dirty, Azra. You're perfect, and I love you, okay? I really, really want to commit murder right now," he added, and Azra giggled, his eyes suddenly shiny with tears. 

"Me too," he admitted, reaching up to stroke a lock of Anthony's hair back from his face. "I love you, Anthony. You make me feel so safe." 

Anthony sighed happily and pulled Azra close, drawing his scent in deeply and purring as Azra hugged him tightly. "Good. I won't let anyone touch you again, I promise." 

"I know," Azra smiled, his fingers curling against Anthony's back. 

Anthony pressed a kiss to the side of his head, his grip becoming slightly possessive, and let out a soft sigh. "Can I ask you something?" 

Azra simply nodded, so Anthony went on hesitantly, not entirely sure how to phrase his question. "I um...you seem really calm about the whole thing, and I...I guess I expected you to be very upset. Are you...okay? I mean, you know you can show emotion around me, right?" 

Azra nodded again, gently pulling away from Anthony to lean back slightly, enough to be able to look at him properly. "I know that, don't worry. It's um...it's been a big focus of therapy for me, I guess that's part of it. I just...it's one of those things that I really struggled with at the beginning, knowing that people out there that I don't know could see me like that, so I've worked really hard on distancing myself from it and moving on. Thinking about the videos isn't anywhere near as bad as thinking about when it actually happened, and I've managed to separate the two, I guess." He gave a deep sigh, colour rising to his cheeks as his blue eyes raised to Anthony's nervously. "I don't know if I'm making any sense." 

A little surprised, Anthony smiled quickly, reaching out to stroke his partner's cheek. "You are, sweetheart, don't worry. I understand. I'm so proud of you, you know. For making all this progress in only a few years, it's amazing, and you're so, so strong." 

Azra smiled back faintly and Anthony ran his thumb over the omega's plump cheekbone before leaning in and pulling him into a soft, slow kiss. 

After a moment or two, Azra broke away, his cheeks dusted with pink as he stroked Anthony's cheek, his touch so warm and delicate. "Could we maybe watch a movie? Think about something else for a bit?" 

"That sounds like a great idea," Anthony murmured, kissing him again, just briefly, then reaching over to the bedside table and grabbing the TV remote. "Here." 

Azra took it carefully, curling up against Anthony's side, his head resting comfortably on the alpha's chest while he flicked through Netflix. It took them about ten minutes to choose a movie, some random cheesy-looking romcom, and they settled back, holding one another tightly. 

Azra was the first to fall asleep, his breathing deepening into soft snores, his grip on Anthony loosening as his body relaxed. Smiling to himself, Anthony turned the TV off and gently maneuvered Azra around so he could lay on his side and hold him. Azra sighed in his sleep and pressed his face into Anthony's chest contentedly, and Anthony squeezed him slightly, promising himself that he was going to keep Azra safe and happy and love him with everything he had. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys!  
> I know this is a really intense chapter, I promise the next one is a bit happier! There's still some warnings for the next one, so keep an eye out, but it's padded with plenty of domestic fluff.  
> I'm very excited, I'm getting close to finishing this story, I've got the last few chapters all planned out :) don't worry, though, there will be approximately 53-55 chapters depending on how I decide to split them, so there's plenty more to come!  
> <3<3


	24. Chapter Twenty Four

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter contains: dream referencing past abuse/sex, sexual content, panic attack/flashback.

_ Azra was shivering, kneeling on a stained towel, his wrists and ankles bound with handcuffs that had been tightened until they dug into his flesh and made him bleed. The cold air was biting at his skin, making his fingers and toes feel numb. He knew that if he fell asleep or shifted position, he'd be punished, so he waited, staring at nothing, alone in the dim light.  _

_ A door slammed some way off, and Azra suppressed the urge to glance at the camera as he heard muffled voices, men laughing. Then the basement door opened, light flooding in from the doorway and barely reaching where Azra had been left almost an hour before. Footsteps creaked on the rickety wooden steps and Gabriel came into view, his suit crisp and ironed, fresh from his job. He pulled his trousers up slightly at the thighs and crouched down in front of Azra, his smile rather nasty.  _

_ Azra forced himself not to lean back, to return that steady gaze as blankly as he could, even as cold terror made him start to sweat, his breathing shallow and quick. More footsteps were following now, indistinct shapes moving in the darkness, and Azra thought he saw a flash of familiar red.  _

_ The camera beeped and Gabriel swore to himself quietly, getting up and moving over to the tripod. He left Azra's field of view and the footsteps died down, the shapes disappearing back into the blackness of the basement.  _

_ And then there were hands on Azra's shoulders and he yelped in shock, shivering as a knife appeared next to his face. He braced himself for the imminent pain, but it never came, and he felt his handcuffs being jostled instead. A loud click echoed in the empty basement and the handcuffs fell from his wrists. Another click and his ankles were free, and he gasped in relief, falling sideways onto a warm mattress that hadn't been there before. He let his eyes slip closed, warmth enveloping him.  _

_ "There you go, angel."  _

_ The familiar voice made him shiver and the scent washed over him, enticing, just as Azra felt a flurry of love in his chest, quick and delighted. He opened his eyes slowly to see Anthony leaning over him, a soft smile on his face.  _

_ "I'll keep you safe," he murmured, and they were kissing, lips moving desperately, needy. Fingers tangled in hair, Azra parted his legs, and pleasure burst through him. Heat flared in his body, fire dancing over every inch of his skin as he cried out Anthony's name, as he begged for more and more and it was given. Their bodies moved together, slick, fluid, as if one being rather than two, and Azra squealed and moaned, writhing under his alpha as he was claimed and mated, fucked and truly sated.  _

Azra woke, panting softly, Anthony's hand in his hair. 

"Shh, angel," Anthony murmured, the sound of his voice sending bright sparks of desire down Azra's spine as he rolled over to face his partner. "Bad dream?" Anthony asked, and Azra shook his head quickly, his eyes still a bit wide from the shock of having his first ever pleasurable sex dream. 

"N-no, just um.." he trailed off, staring into those soft, loving golden eyes, then suddenly gave in, rolling Anthony onto his back and straddling him in one easy motion, blushing when the alpha chuckled. 

"Definitely not a bad dream then, hmm?" Anthony grinned, and Azra ignored his blush darkening, biting his lip lightly. 

"Yeah. I think we um...y'know," he mumbled, and Anthony smirked. 

"No, I don't, angel. Enlighten me," he teased, and Azra swallowed, not sure of the words, not sure of himself. 

"I think we mated, in my dream," he said softly, and Anthony blinked, his smile fading slightly. 

"Really? I didn't think you...you'd be ready for that," he answered, his voice full of surprise and confusion. Azra winced and shook his head quickly, running his hands down the alpha's chest and feeling the contours of his body. 

"No, I um...I'm not, I just...it was nice, and it...my dream was intense, and I know that I wanna do that with you eventually," he said shyly, and Anthony sat up slowly, wrapping his arms around Azra's waist and kissing his cheek softly. 

"Good, and we'll get there," he soothed, nuzzling Azra's jaw before suddenly flipping him to the bed, laughing as he shrieked in surprise. Azra dissolved into giggles, feeling Anthony's hands running all over him, but the laughter stopped abruptly when Anthony's lips found his neck. A soft moan slipped from Azra, his body thrumming with anticipation, remembering the perfect pleasure of the last time he'd had Anthony on top of him like this. 

He let his legs fall open a little wider as an invitation and Anthony tugged his own shirt off, tossing it aside before fumbling with Azra's buttons. Anthony's lips and teeth worked down the omega's neck, leaving little kisses and gentle, playful bites until he finally flung the shirt open wide and his hands went straight to Azra's softest areas, grabbing at his flesh firmly. 

Azra was breathing heavily now, his body rolling, his mouth open wide as he felt lips brush over his nipple before the flick of a tongue made him whimper. 

"Ah! A-Anthony, please!" He cried out, and Anthony just grinned, closing his lips and biting down just enough for Azra to feel his teeth before surging back up to kiss him. Long fingers tucking under the waistband of Azra's pajamas guided him gently, helping him tug them down and kick them away before Anthony's gaze pinned Azra to the bed. 

"Look at me, angel. You tell me if I do anything wrong, okay? Promise me?" 

Azra nodded quickly, grabbing his cheek to pull him down into a brief, but passionate kiss. "Thank you," he gasped, and Anthony chuckled, guiding Azra's legs further up and apart. 

"Don't thank me yet," he grinned, and flung the covers back before sliding down, pressing a soft kiss to the inside of Azra's left thigh. "Is this okay? Do you want to try this?" He asked gently, and Azra's eyes widened, his teeth pulling at his bottom lip lightly. 

"I've never done it before, but I'd like to," he admitted softly, and Anthony smiled, blowing warm air over him and making him twitch, his inner muscles tightening involuntarily. 

"That's okay, I haven't done it since I was a teenager," Anthony chuckled, pressing a kiss to Azra's other thigh. "Talk to me, yeah? Tell me what works and what doesn't." 

Azra nodded, a little nervous, but not scared, his legs falling open, his muscles relaxing as Anthony leaned in. With Azra's most sensitive areas already primed thanks to his arousal, the first lap was almost heavenly, his body shuddering and rolling against Anthony's tongue as he ran it over his partner slowly. 

"A-Anthony!" Azra cried, his hand sliding down instinctively, finding Anthony's hair and grabbing a fistful of it tightly. Anthony chuckled softly and Azra felt two fingers gently probing at his entrance, finding their way through his slick folds and circling his opening teasingly while Anthony's tongue found a slow, easy rhythm, lapping at the tip of his cock. 

Azra let his mouth hang open, just losing himself in the sensations, the heady scent of an alpha seeming much stronger now, washing over him in soothing waves that somehow managed to send his arousal skyrocketing. He bucked and Anthony's fingers slipped inside him accidentally, burying deep as he moaned happily, trying not to think about his dream and the way Anthony had felt inside him, filling him so  _ perfectly.  _

"A-alpha!" Azra choked out, tightening his grip on Anthony's hair, his whole body shuddering. "More!" 

Anthony purred and his fingers curled, finding that spot inside Azra that made him go wild and rubbing over it in quick, firm strokes. Azra cried out happily and rocked just as Anthony's lips closed around his cock, his tongue flicking, swirling, building that hot, heavy pleasure in Azra's stomach. He moaned out his happiness, praising Anthony, his breathing ragged and quick, his hips rolling over and over and over as he gasped and panted. 

And then he twitched, his whole body freezing, his muscles contracting before he groaned, holding the back of Anthony's head in place as he pressed his hips up, shuddering through his orgasm. Anthony didn't seem to mind, gliding his fingers through Azra while he came, his whole body gripped for a good few seconds. 

Then the omega collapsed and Anthony sat back, wiping his fingers on his discarded shirt.

"Was that good?" He asked shyly, and Azra rolled his eyes, a fond, shaky smile spreading across his face. 

"You bring me to a trembling, screaming orgasm and have to ask me if it was good?" 

"You might just be a really good actor," Anthony protested, and Azra giggled, his gaze dropping slightly and his eyes widening. Anthony winced and gave a soft sigh. "Sorry, angel, I guess I like seeing you cum," he mumbled, trying to cover up the bulge in his sweats with the blankets, but Azra was already moving closer to him. 

"I um...I want to try," Azra mumbled, his voice uncertain, his cheeks flushed bright red. "You deserve it too." 

Anthony blinked in surprise, then gently cupped Azra's chin in his hands, his thumbs running over that soft skin. "Are you sure, angel?" 

Azra took a deep breath and thought about his dream again, thought about how hearing Anthony cry out would feel, and nodded. "I'm sure." 

Anthony smiled and leaned forward, kissing him softly, briefly. "Where do you want me, sweetheart?" 

"On your back, please," Azra answered confidently, letting out a soft sigh. He wasn't nervous, not once Anthony had settled back, smiling up at him contentedly. He'd given countless blow jobs in his time, to all kinds of people, but this time he would get the absolute pleasure of doing it for someone he loved and was loved by. 

He smiled at Anthony and slowly wriggled those sweats down, his eyes widening when the alpha's cock finally slipped free of the waistband, standing proud in front of him. The tip glistened slightly with pre, and Anthony shifted, his breath a little quick. 

"Wow," Azra mumbled, shooting Anthony a look which made him blush, before reaching out and slowly wrapping a hand around his base. Anthony twitched, staring down at Azra eagerly, completely enthralled as the omega stroked a few times, slow, gliding strokes. And then Azra settled down and got into position, his mouth watering slightly as he gazed at the cock in front of him admiringly. Then he finally leaned in and kissed the tip, causing Anthony to groan softly in frustration, his hand brushing Azra's cheek lovingly. Azra smiled at him and leaned into the touch slightly before stroking one more time and taking Anthony's cock in with apparent ease. 

But Azra was rusty and went a bit too quickly, the tip nudging up against the back of his throat and causing him to gag. He pulled back hurriedly and could suddenly hear shouting, squeezing his eyes shut as he fell back and clamped his hands over his ears. The words may have been indistinct, but the voice and tone were all too familiar, and the sobs came, heavy and breathless, tears streaming from stinging eyes. 

Arms closed around him and he fought back for a moment, then suddenly relaxed as Anthony's scent washed away the memories, gently bringing him back to the present. Anthony began to rock him slowly and Azra finally dropped his hands from his ears, letting out a shuddering breath as he buried his face in Anthony's warm neck. 

"Shh, angel, I've got you," Anthony soothed, and Azra closed his eyes again, the tears finally drying up as he folded up into the alpha's arms as best he could. 

"I'm s-sorry," he whispered, and Anthony squeezed him gently, one hand sliding up to cradle the back of his head. 

"Don't be, sweetheart, it's alright," Anthony murmured sincerely, his fingers curling slightly in Azra's hair. "We tried, and we'll try again another time, it's not a big deal. We have all the time in the world, and I promise you, I am so proud of you for trying. I love you so so much." 

Azra smiled shakily, grabbing at Anthony's sides with trembling fingers. "I love you too." 

Anthony let out a soft sigh and rested his chin on Azra's head, just holding him comfortably for a few minutes, the silence giving them both space to think through and process what had just happened. 

"How about a nice relaxing bath?" Anthony suggested after a while, breaking the silence in a soft, gentle voice. Azra nodded slightly, turning his face into Anthony's chest with a smile playing at his lips. 

"Together?" 

"That would be lovely," Anthony answered, and Azra smiled wider, skimming his hand down Anthony's side and causing him to shiver ever so slightly. 

"Good." 

"I'll go run it," Anthony announced, slipping out of bed and stretching as he stood. Azra watched contentedly, enjoying the curve of Anthony's back, the way his lithe muscles shifted under his skin. As he walked away, Azra felt a tiny pang of disappointment, but he did his best to ignore it and got up slowly, taking his bathrobe off the hook on the back of the door. He slipped it on carefully and sat down on the edge of the bed, hugging himself loosely. Although Anthony's words had made him feel better, he was still a bit annoyed with himself. He'd wanted it, he'd wanted to make Anthony feel good, but when it came to it, he was still too scared. 

Azra sighed deeply, just as Anthony walked out of the bathroom, completely naked. He set his folded clothes on the end of the bed and flashed Azra a smile, his cheeks colouring slightly. 

"Like what you see?" He asked nervously, and Azra grinned, reaching out for him. 

"Always," he murmured, and Anthony walked over slowly, leaning down to kiss Azra briefly. 

"Good. I love you."

"Mm, love you too," Azra purred, reaching up to run his hands down Anthony's ribs, caressing his warm, soft skin. Anthony shivered slightly and stepped back slowly, gently pulling on one of Azra's hands. 

"Come on," he smiled, and Azra followed his lead, standing up and allowing himself to be guided into the bathroom. He stood for a moment, battling his nerves, then took a deep breath and slipped the robe off, unveiling his body completely, leaving himself feeling incredibly exposed under the bright bathroom lights.

Anthony stepped forward and slipped an arm around his waist, his other hand resting on Azra's cheek lightly. He leaned in slowly and kissed the corner of Azra's lips, then grinned at him and ran his thumb over a soft cheekbone. 

"You are stunning, my angel," Anthony announced softly, and Azra blushed, slinging his arms around Anthony loosely, letting them rest on his hips. 

"Thank you," he said quietly, and Anthony smiled sadly, his golden eyes soft and loving. 

"You don't believe me," he pointed out, definitely a statement rather than a question, and Azra sighed, looking away. 

"No, I don't," he mumbled, giving a small shrug. "But with your help, I'm sure I'll get there eventually." 

Anthony nodded, his hand sliding down slightly, fingers curling around his jaw. "I'll tell you every day until you believe me, okay?" 

Azra laughed softly and turned his head into Anthony's touch, warmth filling his chest, spreading through his whole body as he basked in the glow of Anthony's love. He almost whined when Anthony stepped away, his hands sliding from Azra's skin as he leaned over to turn the tap off. 

"Let's get in," he murmured, and Azra nodded, letting him get in first and climbing in after him, sitting between Anthony's legs and leaning back against his chest. That long hair tickled his cheek as Anthony tucked his chin over Azra's shoulder, his arms tight around that plump middle. 

"You're not going anywhere now," Anthony growled playfully and Azra chuckled, sliding down into the water slightly and enjoying the feeling of it lapping at his skin. 

"You're making a really big assumption there," he purred, and Anthony nuzzled his cheek, squeezing him lightly. 

"And what would that be?"

"That I want to go anywhere other than here," Azra said sweetly, and Anthony shifted, gently pulling him just a little closer. 

"You don't?" 

"Of course not." 

Anthony grinned and pressed a soft kiss to Azra's cheek, then gently pushed him forward slightly. "Come on, I'll give you a massage," he hummed, and Azra moved where he was guided, letting out a soft sigh as Anthony's hands ran over his shoulders. 

After about ten minutes, Azra was the most relaxed he'd been in weeks, all the tension gently worked out of his back by Anthony's expert touch, and he was leaning back against the alpha's chest contentedly, his eyes closed. Anthony was trailing circles on his stomach with one fingertip, and Azra was just enjoying the sensation, completely comfortable in Anthony's embrace. 

"Anthony?" 

"Mhm?" He hummed, and Azra took one of his hands, playing with his fingers lightly. 

"I'm sorry about earlier, I really wanted to-" Azra tried, but Anthony was already shushing him gently, shaking his head. 

"No, angel, it's not your fault and I'm fine. Maybe next time we can try something else, yeah?" 

Azra sighed and nodded, letting his head lean back against Anthony's shoulder as his eyes slipped closed. "I just feel bad because I...I haven't done anything for you, and-" 

"I can see where this is going, and I don't want it to get there," Anthony interrupted gently, skimming his fingertips up and down the centre of Azra's chest. "I did those things for you because I wanted to, sweetheart. I didn't do it simply because I expected you to reciprocate, I did it to make you feel good. You don't have to feel guilty, alright?" 

Azra nodded slightly and Anthony nuzzled at his jaw gently, pressing a soft kiss to his neck. 

"Come on, angel. We had a good time, yeah?" 

Azra managed a soft smile, letting go of his anxiety as he turned his head towards Anthony. "Promise you're not annoyed?" 

"Pinky promise," Anthony chuckled, holding out his hand, and Azra wrapped his pinky around the alpha's, smiling softly as a rush of love washed through him, making his chest feel tight. 

"Thank you," he said softly, and Anthony kissed him lightly, only briefly. 

"You're always welcome, sweetheart, remember that," Anthony purred, and Azra smiled, cuddling closer to his partner. 

"I'm getting a bit wrinkly," he mumbled, and Anthony nodded, hugging him tighter, squeezing him lovingly. 

"Alright, angel. Let me just-" he murmured, letting go of Azra and helping him move forward slightly before trying to get up. 

He slipped slightly and Azra heard him gasp in pain, grabbing at the walls as he stood shakily and stumbled before stepping over the tub and grabbing a towel. 

"You okay?" Azra asked quickly, getting up hurriedly and finding Anthony facing away from him, leaning against the counter, his shoulders hunched in pain. 

"Fuck," Anthony muttered, shaking his head slightly as Azra ran a hand down his back, suddenly shaking, the change in atmosphere making him feel slightly panicked. "I-I'm fine, I just-...these new pills don't work that well, a-and I twisted something." 

Azra wrapped himself in a towel quickly and slipped his arm around Anthony's waist, steadying him carefully. "Alright, darling. Let me get you to bed, are you due another dose?" 

"Y-yeah...I'm sorry, Azra," Anthony mumbled, and Azra snorted, gently guiding him out of the bathroom. 

"You're always breaking your own rules, you hypocrite. Apologising for things you can't control," he pointed out gently, and Anthony managed a breathless laugh. 

"T-true," he choked out, sitting down on the edge of the bed stiffly. "I think I'm going to go back to the doctor, see if there's anything else they can do." 

"That's a good idea, love," Azra murmured, picking up the sheet of pills from the bedside table and popping one into his hand. He gave it to Anthony, watching him take it and sitting down beside him slowly. 

"How about you lay down for a bit and I'll make breakfast and call Anathema?" 

Anthony groaned and nodded, crawling into bed stiffly and flopping down on his stomach. "That sounds good. I'll be okay in a bit." 

"Good. Is there anything else you need?" Azra asked, picking his pajamas up and slipping them on under his towel. 

"No, just- shit! Um, just some water would be nice," Anthony muttered, swearing through gritted teeth when he shifted position. Azra winced, hesitating in the doorway before deciding that the best thing he could do for Anthony was get him something to eat and drink. He slipped out of the room and headed downstairs, his heart still beating a little faster in his chest. A lot seemed to have happened that morning, and it wasn't even eleven yet. 

By the time Azra had finished making breakfast and had called Anathema to say they'd be picking Emily up in time for lunch, Anthony was already feeling better, and, although he was still a bit stiff, he sat up to eat the cereal Azra had made, thanking him for it politely. 

Once they'd eaten, Azra got dressed and gently pushed Anthony back down to the bed, promising him that he'd be okay picking Emily up on his own. Anthony tried to protest, but Azra just kissed his cheek and slipped out of the room, closing the door behind him with a soft click. 

Azra managed to keep his visit with Anathema quite short and was soon on his way back to the house with Emily strapped into her carseat in the back. 

"Is Anthony okay?" She asked suddenly, and Azra glanced in his rearview mirror, then smiled to himself. 

"Yeah, baby, he's fine. He just needed some comfort last night." 

"Is he at home?" 

Azra blinked, unsure of how to answer this. He didn't know whether Emily meant Anthony's home or theirs, so he just smiled and let the car come to a stop at a red light. 

"He's at ours, his back is hurting him a bit, so I thought maybe we could have a nice day in, play some games, have a nice dinner. What do you think?" 

Emily appeared to contemplate this for a few long moments before grinning suddenly. "Will he draw with me?" 

"I'm sure if you asked him nicely and he was feeling up to it, he'd draw with you," Azra answered, pressing down on the accelerator lightly and switching gears as he pulled away from the light. "Do you like him being around still?" 

"Yeah, he's nice," Emily said distantly, distracted by the world going past outside. "You're happier when he's around." 

Azra smiled at this, his grip on the gear stick tightening slightly. He liked the idea that other people could tell how Anthony made him feel, he liked the thought that their love was that visible. He'd never had it before, and now that he did, he definitely didn't object to flaunting it every now and then. 

"Be careful with him today though, okay? No jumping on him." 

"Okay," Emily hummed, kicking her feet lightly. "Can we have a big dinner?" 

"How does a roast sound?" Azra suggested, turning down their street and tapping his fingers on the gear stick. 

"Good!" Emily shouted, then giggled, and Azra rolled his eyes fondly, parking the car and getting out. He helped Emily out of her carseat and herded her inside the house, helping her with her shoes and coat and scooping her up. He headed up the stairs slowly, shushing her with a soft laugh and pushing the bedroom door open. It was obvious that Anthony was pretending to be asleep, so Azra gently set Emily on her feet and crouched down to whisper in her ear. 

"Don't jump on him, okay?" 

She nodded and grinned before running forward, climbing onto the bed and grabbing at Anthony's leg through the sheets. 

"Anthony! Wake up!" 

Anthony opened his eyes and winked at Azra, then suddenly leapt up, growling and causing Emily to shriek and giggle as he started to tickle her sides. Azra chuckled and rolled his eyes, watching as Emily kicked out and tried to slap at Anthony's hands. He stopped once she started to beg and grinned as she hugged him, squeezing him tightly. 

"Hey baby, how are you?" Anthony murmured, and she smiled, letting go and slipping off the bed. 

"Good. I wanna draw," she announced, and Azra chuckled, folding his arms over his chest. 

"I thought I said you should ask nicely," he pointed out, and she pouted at him before turning back to Anthony. 

"Please will you do some drawing with me?" 

Anthony smiled and got up slowly, ruffling her hair lightly. "Yeah, of course. Go get the stuff ready, yeah?" 

Emily nodded and hurried off, so Anthony walked over to Azra stiffly, smiling at him softly. 

"You look better," Azra commented, and Anthony rolled his eyes, slipping his arm around Azra's waist and pulling him closer. 

"Mhm, my pill started working," Anthony hummed, his other hand going to Azra's cheek, his eyes flickering down briefly. Azra grinned and nodded slightly, waiting to see if Anthony would make the first move, knowing that he was being playful. 

"That's good, yeah," Azra said simply, and Anthony chuckled, biting his lip lightly. 

"Yeah, it is good. Are you gonna kiss me or not?" 

Azra giggled and shook his head, feeling his cheeks starting to heat up. "I'm waiting for you." 

"You're very rude," Anthony grinned, but was already pulling Azra closer, into a soft, slow kiss. 

Azra smiled into it, but broke away first, his hands resting on Anthony's sides, just above his hips. "I need to go do some cooking, I told Emily we'd have a roast," he murmured, and Anthony smiled, pressing a loving kiss to his forehead. 

"I'll help, I like cooking," he announced, and Azra gently began to pull away, laughing when Anthony pouted and dragged him back.

"It's gonna take us all day at this rate," Azra protested as Anthony kissed his cheek, but he couldn't stop himself from leaning into the touch, cherishing every moment with his alpha. 

Anthony purred softly, nuzzling Azra's cheek lightly and then finally letting go. "Good, I wanna spend all day with you."

Azra blushed, but didn't say anything, gently taking Anthony's hand and leading him out of the room towards the stairs. Anthony squeezed his hand tightly, and Azra smiled to himself, letting out a soft sigh. 

He was so ready to spend the rest of the day with his little family, to cook with Anthony and play with his daughter. His whole body felt warm and light, and he couldn't keep the smile off his face as he walked off the last step and into his domestic paradise.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, I hope you guys liked this chapter, I know it's a little bit of a mixed bag. There's not going to be any big warnings for a good few chapters, though, so that's good news :)   
> Let me know what you guys thought of this one!  
> <3<3


	25. Chapter Twenty Five

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter contains: discussion of current drug misuse, sexual content.

Azra glanced at his phone, then sighed to himself and gave in, picking it up carefully. He hadn't seen Anthony in almost a week, due to him having a lot of meetings about his PhD, and Azra was feeling a bit lonely. He knew Anthony had had a particularly stressful meeting that day, so he unlocked his phone and pressed on the contact, humming to himself as he listened to the dial tone nervously. 

Anthony picked up on the third ring, his voice soft. "Hey, angel. Everything okay?" 

"Yeah, I um...I was wondering if you wanted to come over," Azra answered softly, looking down at his lap and picking at a loose thread on his pajamas. "I haven't seen you in a while, and I know you had a stressful day." 

Anthony was silent for a moment, then he sighed deeply. "Fuck. I would absolutely love to, Azra, but I...I can't, I um.." He trailed off and Azra frowned, but tried to make a joke of it. 

"Are you cheating on me?" He said with a soft chuckle and Anthony drew in a sharp breath. 

"No! I wouldn't-" 

"I know, it was a joke, darling," Azra soothed quickly, biting his lip. "Sorry, it wasn’t very funny. Are you okay? You seem...weird." 

Anthony groaned softly. "Fine, I took a hydrocodone," he muttered moodily, and Azra blinked, taken aback. "My back was really bad and I just wanted to be able to relax, I'm sorry." 

Sighing, Azra rested a hand over his eyes, giving himself a moment to think. "Alright. I um...you're not...high, are you?" 

"No, one is enough to get rid of most of the pain without getting any sort of ill effects," Anthony said quickly, and Azra nodded to himself before taking a breath. 

"Okay. As long as it's just one, you can come over and we can talk about it some more, if you like." 

"I mean, I wouldn't want to make you feel-" 

"It's fine, Anthony," Azra forced out, trying to ignore the apprehension pricking at the back of his mind. "I don't mind as long as you're not high, and I want to try to help." 

Anthony sighed softly and a short silence followed, leaving Azra with only the sound of his heart pounding in his ears to keep him company. 

"As long as you're sure. I miss you." 

Azra let out a sigh of relief and nodded slightly, his grip on the phone tightening. "I miss you too, darling. Come over, yeah? Let's talk about stuff." 

"Okay. Should I bring overnight stuff?" Anthony asked quietly, and Azra considered this for a moment or two before smiling to himself. 

"Yeah, I have to work tomorrow, but we could go out for dinner." 

"I'd like that," Anthony murmured, and Azra ignored the blush heating his cheeks. 

"Good." 

* * *

About twenty minutes later, Azra was opening the door, immediately swept up into a tight hug. He chuckled softly and buried his face in Anthony's chest, fingers curling in his sweater, clinging to him gently. 

"I'm sorry, I know it was stupid to take-" 

"Shh, at least come sit down first," Azra interrupted softly, lifting his head to kiss the underside of Anthony's jaw. 

"Can I have a hot milk like you make?" Anthony asked shyly, and Azra smiled, gently pulling away from the tight embrace. 

"Sure, take your shoes off and go sit down and I'll bring it in." 

"Thank you," Anthony called after him, and Azra just smiled to himself, humming as he slipped into the kitchen. He got a mug from the cupboard and filled it with milk, then set the cup in the microwave and got the syrup ready. 

Footsteps shuffled across the floor behind him, and he forced himself not to glance back. 

"Can I hug you?" Anthony asked quietly, and Azra closed his eyes, the simple question allowing that sharp unease to drop away, his body no longer tensed for pain. 

"I'd like that," he answered, and felt a chin come to rest on his shoulder, arms sliding around his waist and squeezing gently. 

"I love you," Anthony purred, and Azra rolled his eyes fondly, opening the microwave door to check on the milk before starting it again. 

"I love you too, you're very clingy tonight," Azra commented, and Anthony heaved a deep sigh, his grip on his partner getting even tighter. 

"Mm, I still don't feel super happy about the meeting I had today, it wasn't as positive as I was hoping. And my back made me feel a bit fragile earlier." 

"Well, we can just go straight to bed and lay down if you like," Azra pointed out, taking the mug out of the microwave and gently pulling away from Anthony so he could scoop the skin off the top of the milk with a spoon. 

"Oh God, that sounds amazing," Anthony admitted softly, and Azra nodded, stirring in a spoon of vanilla syrup before handing the mug over. 

"It does, doesn't it? Remind me what the meeting was again," he smiled, kissing Anthony's cheek before leading him out of the kitchen and toward the stairs. 

"It was about getting my ethics approved. It's kind of essential when running studies on children, and I have to compare kids receiving a certain intervention to those who don't, and there's some issues with that and...ugh, it's just all technical stuff that I thought I'd figured out, but I think they're going to tell me to tweak it again," he sighed, following Azra into the bedroom and setting his mug on the bedside table. 

Azra nodded, slipping his shirt off and exchanging it for one of his fluffy pajama shirts before swapping out his jeans as well. Then he climbed into bed and curled up sleepily, watching with one eye as Anthony sat beside him, holding his mug carefully. 

"That does sound stressful," Azra murmured, and Anthony took a long drink from the mug, then let out a soft sigh. 

"Yeah. It's over now, though, and if I have to tweak something, it's not the end of the world," he pointed out, looking down at Azra and brushing his knuckles over the omega's cheek. "Has anyone ever told you how unbearably adorable you are?" He chuckled, and Azra grinned, reaching out to rest a hand on Anthony's thigh.

"Yes, you and only you," Azra replied, and Anthony clicked his tongue, stroking down his partner's cheek again. 

"Shush, you. I know what I'm talking about. Look, about earlier, I'm still sorry, and-" 

"How many times do I have to tell you that you apologise too much?" Azra cut in with a fake reprimanding tone, smiling up at Anthony as he rolled onto his back to see his face more easily. 

"Yeah, yeah, I just-" 

"You've already apologised a bunch of times," Azra interrupted again, this time snorting when Anthony shot him a look. 

"Hey, you're the one trying to apologise for the hundredth time," Azra pointed out with a giggle, and Anthony smiled, leaning his head back against the headboard and lowering his mug to rest in his lap. His smile faded slightly after a few seconds, an odd, distant look taking over. 

"I just...I really wish I didn't feel so dependent," Anthony said eventually, and Azra let out a slow breath. 

"I understand, I do. I feel that way about suppressants sometimes," Azra admitted, running his fingertips up and down the outside of Anthony's thigh. "But I don't think you should beat yourself up over one pill taken due to extreme pain. If you'd taken two pills at once or something, I'd be more worried, but as it is, I feel like you still have control over yourself." 

Anthony sighed and took a long drink from his mug, then looked down at Azra again, running his fingers through his partner's blond curls. "Yeah, I feel in control, for the most part. I've taken an extra dose of my new pills when I've felt really awful a couple of times recently, but this was my first time taking hydrocodone again, and I...I haven't been craving it as much as I thought. I'm just a bit worried in case a day comes when I'm not in control anymore, you know? I've been really lucky so far, I've been distracted enough not to feel like I'm really missing it. But if something changes, then...and I know this one dose could be enough to throw me off, and that...that scares me," he mumbled, trailing off a bit and looking down at his hands as his cheeks burned in shame. Azra sat up beside him, resting his head on the alpha's shoulder, his hand finding Anthony's thigh.

"If you ever feel like you can't control that need, you can come here," he offered quietly, a little frightened of seeing Anthony that way, but desperate to be supportive of his partner. "I'll help as much as I can. I don't want you to think that just because I'm scared, that you can't talk to me about things. I want you to be able to be honest with me, so I can with you." 

Anthony smiled and kissed the top of Azra's head lightly. "Thank you, sweetheart. I think being with you does help, y'know. I can distract myself more easily, and I don't...I don't feel so trapped. It's hard when my back is bad, because I feel...I feel like I'm stuck in my body, in an odd way, like I want to do lots of things that I just can't, but with you I don't feel so alone. I'm going to go back to the doctor, I promise." 

Azra tried to swallow the rising lump in his throat, gently taking Anthony's hand and squeezing his fingers lightly. "I'm glad I make you more comfortable, and I'm glad you're going to get more help," he murmured, and Anthony squeezed his hand back gently. 

"I love you, Azra. Very much." 

"I love you too, darling," Azra smiled, closing his eyes as Anthony wrapped an arm around his waist, pulling him in close. 

"How was your day?" Anthony asked quietly, and Azra shrugged, relaxing into that familiar embrace. 

"Much the same as always," he answered simply, and Anthony kissed the side of his head. 

"I suppose unremarkable is usually good," he murmured, and Azra smiled, trailing his hand over Anthony's thigh gently. 

"I guess we could try to make it remarkable, as well," he said softly, feeling Anthony's grip on him tighten ever so slightly. "There's still hours left in the day." 

"I'm not sure if I feel up to it, angel," Anthony answered quietly, and Azra blinked, then nuzzled his cheek. 

"I was thinking more me, um...going down on you," he mumbled shyly, his cheeks flushing already, and Anthony looked at him in surprise, with a touch of concern. 

"Are you sure? I um...I didn't think you'd want to try again, I don't want you to feel obliged or anything." 

Azra let his hand slip between Anthony's thighs, fingertips pressing into his flesh lightly. "I think if I go slow this time, I'll be okay. I want to make you feel good, it's not about obligation." 

Anthony nodded uncertainly, taking a slow breath. "I mean, if you're sure, I'd feel okay with that. As long as you promise to stop if you change your mind." 

"I promise," Azra smiled, gently turning Anthony's head so he could kiss him softly, their lips locked, his hand sliding into that flame red hair. Azra tugged Anthony a little deeper, leading this time, his hand sliding higher. Instinctively, Anthony parted his legs, and Azra's hand slid even higher, caressing expertly, fingers moulding around Anthony's bulge and coaxing it to grow under his gentle touch. 

Anthony gasped softly and let out a tiny moan, rocking into Azra's grasp ever so slightly. Azra squeezed, and Anthony whimpered, grabbing a handful of Azra's hair and clinging onto it tightly as their kisses became passionate and rather sloppy. Pressing the heel of his hand down, Azra drew another moan from his partner and ducked, starting to kiss up his neck slowly. Anthony's legs fell even wider and he bucked into Azra's hand, his head tipping back, his breaths coming quick and shallow. 

"A-Azra, please," he gasped shakily, and Azra broke away from his neck, gently pressing on his chest. 

"Lie down, love," Azra instructed gently, and Anthony did as he was told hurriedly, his eyes widening as Azra swung a leg over his hips and kissed him, their bodies pressed together, heartbeats thudding in unison. Azra couldn't get enough of that giddy feeling, the feeling of being in control, leading his partner, and he kissed Anthony even deeper, fingers tangling in his hair. 

And then his hips rolled up and Azra felt the growing bulge grind against his thigh, reminding him he had to finish what he started. He broke away and smiled to himself, tugging Anthony's shirt up so he could press soft kisses to his flat stomach, watching those muscles shift as he ran a hand down between the alpha's legs. 

Anthony moaned, his body jerking and rolling, and Azra grinned, tugging Anthony's sweatpants down enough to reveal the very base of his cock without letting it free just yet. Anthony wriggled, but Azra was already lapping over that sensitive skin right at the base of his shaft, causing him to shudder and moan again softly. 

"Fuck, Azra," he muttered, his hand finding the omega's hair and caressing the back of his head lightly. "Didn't expect you to be such a tease," he added with a gasp, and Azra grinned to himself, then nipped at Anthony's skin, his reward that soft cry, fingertips digging into his scalp. 

"Naughty," Azra murmured, and Anthony chuckled breathlessly, gently pulling on Azra's hair. 

"You're really good at this, angel," he announced shakily, and Azra looked up, frowning slightly. 

"But I haven't even-" 

"I meant being in charge," Anthony interrupted gently, his hand sliding down to stroke Azra's cheek, those light golden eyes amused and loving. "I think we should talk about it some more after," he murmured, and Azra nodded slightly, turning his attention back to the task at hand. He began to inch the sweatpants down again, lapping over Anthony's shaft teasingly, kissing his hips, and finally grinning to himself as the alpha's full length sprang free. 

Licking his lips unconsciously, Azra helped Anthony take the sweats off completely, then slowly, carefully parted Anthony's legs, just enough to allow him to find a comfortable position. He looked up at the alpha and smiled shyly, his cheeks burning as Anthony blew him a kiss. 

"I love you." 

"I love you too," Azra purred, squashing the 'alpha' that tried to slip out reflexively. He was in charge, he had to remember that. 

Blinking, he reached out and carefully wrapped a hand around Anthony, stroking him nice and slow, getting a feel for his length and allowing himself to take all the time he needed. He could see pre already beading at the tip, so he leaned in and lapped it up, letting his tongue drag over that sensitive skin, sluggish and deliberate. 

Anthony bit back a moan, his hips twitching slightly, and Azra just smiled to himself, gripping Anthony's base with one hand and diving in again, swirling his tongue. 

Anthony cried out this time, his fingers curling in Azra's hair, encouraging him, reminding him he was doing well. He took a deep breath and went down, triumph filling his chest as he took Anthony in easily, pulling back and swirling his tongue again. 

"Oh Jesus  _ Christ, _ you're good!" Anthony swore, bucking slightly and earning himself a gentle slap on the thigh. He groaned and tipped his head back, and Azra closed his eyes happily, loving the sounds of pleasure he was drawing from his partner. 

It made his whole body feel warm, knowing that he was making Anthony feel good, rewarding him for everything he did, making him feel loved and cared for. He sank down again, taking every inch with the ease of so much forced practice, and felt that bitter taste on his tongue. 

Anthony shuddered under him and Azra purred, sliding back and dipping his tongue into Anthony's slit, causing him to let out another obscene sound. 

"Azra! Oh God! Just like that, sweetheart," Anthony praised shakily, and Azra opened his eyes again, allowing himself to take in Anthony's face, flushed and twisted in pleasure as he writhed under the omega. Azra swallowed and Anthony bucked again, this time accidentally hitting the back of Azra's throat. Azra pulled back quickly, coughing, and Anthony swore, sitting up quickly and cupping Azra's face in his hands. 

"Shit! Are you alright, angel? I'm so sorry, sweetheart, I'm sorry!" 

Azra coughed again, then smiled at his alpha and kissed the corner of his lips lightly. "I'm fine, I promise. Lay down, darling." 

"Are you-" 

"I'm sure, lay down," Azra cut him off firmly, feeling that sense of power flowing through him again as Anthony lay back, watching him worriedly. But he had a handle on things. He could feel the memories waiting, getting ready for their moment to spill over and force him to panic, but Anthony's voice in his ear kept pushing them back, bolstering the dam that kept them from overwhelming him. 

Anthony was much more vocal than Gabriel had ever been, and every soft little moan or shaky cry made Azra feel more and more comfortable, further and further from his past. 

He took Anthony in again and began to really go for it, bobbing his head and flicking his tongue with each pull back, until Anthony was falling apart underneath him, gasping and shaking as he forced himself not to thrust into Azra's throat. 

And then he was finally giving that soft warning, and Azra felt his hips twitch, his balls tighten just before he came. 

Without hesitation, Azra began to swallow, moving his head more slowly now, caressing Anthony through his orgasm and encouraging every last drop from him. Once he'd stopped shuddering, Azra pulled off with a wet sound and sat back, wiping his lips on the back of his hand. 

Anthony gazed up at him sleepily, a bright smile spreading across his face as the post-orgasmic haze began to lift from his eyes. "That was amazing, angel," he purred, and Azra felt himself blush, quickly crawling into bed beside Anthony and wrapping an arm around his thin waist.

"Good," Azra said simply, and Anthony pulled him closer, rolling over so he could hold him gently. 

"I'm so proud of you, sweetheart. I feel like you're getting so much more confident with me, and I love it," he murmured, and Azra grinned to himself, burying his face in that warm, inviting chest. 

"I love you." 

"I love you too, angel." 

They fell silent for a while, their breathing the only sound in the room, slow and content. Anthony let his fingertips trail up and down Azra's spine, and the omega simply relaxed, still enjoying that warm feeling of having won a battle against his trauma. After a while, though, Anthony began to shift, letting out a deep sigh as he pulled Azra closer. 

"Thank you, angel," he murmured, and Azra chuckled, pressing a soft kiss to Anthony's chest and dragging him a little closer.

"You deserve it," he answered softly, and Anthony let out a contented sigh, stroking over Azra's hair lightly. 

"Mm. I thought you were great being in charge," Anthony began, squeezing Azra just slightly, his hand running down the omega's back gently. "Maybe next time, you can lead from the beginning." 

"Mm," Azra hummed sleepily, nodding slightly. "Alright. I wanna...I'm sleepy." 

"Then let me go wash up, I'll just be a moment," Anthony murmured, pulling away from Azra reluctantly and stroking his hair one last time before getting up. Azra smiled to himself happily, nuzzling the pillow as he relaxed, exhausted but feeling good. 

A few minutes later, he was roused from his doze by a soft kiss on his cheek, then the bed sinking as Anthony climbed in beside him, guiding him into a loving embrace. Azra buried himself in that perfect warmth and allowed his eyes to close up, his body relaxing as he drifted off. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys!   
> I posted this one a bit earlier than usual because I have an all-day tattoo session today and won't get so much of a chance later.   
> I hope you enjoyed it anyway, let me know what you think! And just to let you know, I'm very nearly finished with writing this, which is both exciting and kind of sad, but it'll be nice to have this be wrapped up with their happy ending :)


	26. Chapter Twenty Six

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter contains: transphobia, discussion of sex.

Anthony had gone all out for their date. Azra could see him at the bar, long red hair bright and freshly washed, brushing his shoulders. He'd selected a lovely jumpsuit for the evening, long and black, with a flowing boot cut leg and a fairly deep neckline, and Azra couldn't keep his eyes off his partner. Anthony glanced over his shoulder and Azra's heart leapt into his mouth at the sight of those beautiful eyes, rimmed with black eyeliner and a touch of amber eyeshadow. 

Azra wasn't quite sure what he wanted, he wasn't accustomed to having sexual thoughts about people, and so tended to have trouble interpreting them, but he was sure that they involved Anthony and a bed. Beyond that, it got a bit fuzzy. 

In any case, he was waiting rather nervously, not wanting to take his eyes off the alpha in case he lost sight of him in the crowd. The pub was busy, they'd arrived after having dinner at a nearby restaurant, and apparently there was a big football game or something. 

There were lots of men crowded around a TV shouting, anyway. And it looked like football. 

Azra had never really had any interest in sports, and neither had Anthony, so they were planning to just get a drink for ten minutes and head home, but unfortunately, Azra's body had other ideas. 

He felt that pinch deep inside and groaned softly, pressing his hands against his stomach and searching for Anthony. He'd lost sight of him again, a group of men in football jerseys walking past between him and the bar, and Anthony's phone was on the table in front of him. Panic started to wash over Azra as he felt the heat creeping over him, his body shivering, the cramps beginning as a slight discomfort and already mounting into pain. 

He hunched over, trying not to make eye contact with anyone, his arms wrapped around himself tightly, already wishing Anthony would just hurry up and come back. A shadow fell over the table and Azra looked up hopefully, but it wasn't Anthony. The unfamiliar alpha leered at him, tilting his head to one side. 

"Come over here, boys! Looks like someone let their toy out without a collar on." 

Azra's eyes widened and he swallowed hard as two more alphas loomed up, tall and muscular, and grinning nastily. 

"I have an alpha, he's at the bar," Azra said quickly, and the first man just chuckled. 

"All the way over there? We'll just have to be quick, then, hmm? What's your name, pet?" 

"He's with me."

Azra looked up sharply at the sound of Anthony's voice, cold and clipped. Anthony shot him a soothing smile, apparently icy calm as he set their drinks down on the table. 

"With you?" The first alpha laughed incredulously, taking a step towards Anthony, who didn't react. "I thought you said you had an alpha, pet. This sissy isn't like any alpha I know," he snarled, and Anthony just stared at him, his jaw tight. 

"Please, I just...I just want to go home," Azra said quickly, fear stabbing through him. Anthony, although well over six feet in his high heeled boots, was much lighter than all three of the other alphas, and he couldn't bear to think of Anthony getting hurt over him. 

"You're not going anywhere," one of the other two alphas snapped, and Anthony was in front of Azra in a flash, stopping the man from reaching towards him. Azra grabbed at Anthony's back, gently trying to pull him away from the others. 

"Please, Anthony," he begged softly, and Anthony hummed a soothing note. 

"Shh, sweetheart. We'll go, don't worry." 

"Yeah, didn't think a fucking tranny would wanna put up a fight," the first alpha chuckled, just as the third began to walk around behind Anthony, towards Azra. "Are you scared?" The first alpha taunted, and Anthony's lip curled briefly before he got his anger back under control. "Alphas like you fucking disgust me, prancing around pretending you're soft, it's unnatural!"

Azra shrank away from the third alpha and Anthony turned, glaring at the man with venom in his eyes. 

"You fuck off right now," he growled, and the man took a step back, suddenly looking uncertain. Azra slipped off his chair quickly, grabbing their phones and wallets, and gently tugged at Anthony's sides. 

"Come on, please," he pleaded, and Anthony nodded, turning just as the first alpha threw a punch. Anthony nearly dodged it, but it landed heavily, and he spun against the table, having just enough time to right himself before the second alpha was going at him. Azra's eyes widened, his heart pounding in his chest as he tried to grab for Anthony, but to his surprise, he seemed to have it completely under control. 

He dodged the second alpha and twisted, kicking him smartly in the back of the knee before turning and elbowing the next alpha that came at him in the throat. The two men went down and Anthony kicked out as a third lunged, easily getting him in the crotch before grabbing Azra and pushing him towards the door. 

Dazed, Azra managed to stumble out of the pub, nearly going to his knees as soon as the cold, fresh air washed over him. Anthony managed to steady him, fumbling with his keys as he half carried him to the car. Azra fell into the passenger seat and curled up, pulling his knees into his chest and burying his face in them as pain radiated out from his stomach, making his hips ache. He barely reacted when Anthony got in behind the wheel, reaching over to stroke down his back. 

"Azra? Are you alright, angel? I'm sorry about that, I'm so sorry," he murmured, and Azra began to tremble, the shock wearing off and allowing room for terror at last. 

"N-no, I w-wanna go home," he whimpered, and Anthony sighed, stroking his hair slowly. 

"Alright, sweetheart. Take a few deep breaths, okay? You're safe now, and I'll make you nice and comfy when we get home." 

Azra curled up as tight as he could, pressing his hands over his ears to try and drown out the memories washing over him. His breathing got shorter and shorter until he started to sob, jumping when Anthony's hand landed on his shoulder. 

"It's alright, angel, I'm here," Anthony soothed, his voice muffled, but still audible even through Azra's distress. 

His whole body hurt, and yet he couldn't stop imagining Anthony inside him, taking him, and it was all too much. The fear, the pain, the desire, it was all just more than he could handle, and he relished the tears streaming down his cheeks, glad that he could at least let some of it out. He buried his face in his hands and sobbed again and again and again, his whole body shaking, his everything feeling so fragile. 

And then Anthony parked the car at last and leaned over, pulling Azra into a gentle, soothing hug.

"I'm here, angel. I'm here," Anthony murmured, his own voice a little thick as he cradled Azra's head against his chest. "It's okay. It's okay to cry and be upset, I promise. It's okay."

Azra slowly wrapped his shaking arms around the alpha, clinging on tightly as he kept crying, but softer now, that familiar, soothing scent calming his fear even as it drove his arousal higher, his heart thudding in his chest. 

He wanted to hold on, he wanted to keep Anthony close to drown out that lingering terror, and yet the need throbbing through him was too much. He pulled away carefully and Anthony smiled at him sadly, stroking his sticky cheek. 

"Hey. Let's get you inside, yeah? I love you." 

Azra nodded slightly and turned away, managing to get out of the car without too much stumbling. Almost immediately, Anthony was beside him, supporting him up to the front door and opening it for him.

"Go straight upstairs, I'll talk to Anathema," Anthony murmured, and Azra nodded, heading for the stairs and dragging himself up them slowly, clinging to the handrail. He managed to get himself into pajamas and onto the bed after a bit of a struggle, and flopped down just as he heard a soft knock at the door. 

"Come in," he mumbled and turned his head to see Anathema slipping into the bedroom. 

"Hey, sorry. Are you alright?" 

Azra frowned and shook his head slightly, the pain already making him feel nauseous. "Not really. Got a bit of a scare."

"Yeah, Anthony said," Anathema sighed, sitting down on the edge of the bed and running her hand over Azra's side. "I told him to make you some of that tea you like. It's getting worse, you know." 

Azra groaned, trying to pull the blanket over himself and relaxing when Anathema did it for him. "I know, I know. I think it's Anthony. Having an alpha around so much makes the suppressants work even less than they usually do," he mumbled, and felt Anathema's hand in his hair, fixing his curls gently. 

"Then I think you need to talk to him," she said softly. "You know they're not good for your overall health anyway, and they make heats much more difficult to track. You wouldn't be getting surprised in public like this nearly as often." 

"I know, I know. It's just not that easy," Azra sighed, and Anathema leaned down, kissing his cheek softly. 

"I know. Talk it over with Anthony, yeah? And call me tomorrow, I wanna know that you're okay." 

"Alright," Azra mumbled, closing his eyes again as she got up. 

"I love you." 

"I love you too," Azra yawned, and heard the door click as she left, leaving him to the pain and the empty room. 

After a while, he heard footsteps again, but remained in a semi-conscious state, not quite awake as he felt the blankets being lifted, a hot pack pressed against his stomach. He let out a soft grunt and lips brushed over his forehead before the bed sank and an arm slid around his waist. A voice filled his ears, soft and gentle, murmuring to him soothingly as he slowly relaxed, the heat pack easing the pain enough for him to finally drop off to sleep. 

* * *

Azra woke in a panic and a hot sweat, his body trembling as he stared at the clock wildly. It was nearly eleven, which meant- 

"Good morning, angel," Anthony purred from the doorway, and Azra looked up sharply, the hot, needy feeling in his chest flaring when he caught the alpha's scent. "You sleep very heavily when you're in heat," Anthony chuckled, then tilted his head slightly. "I took Emily to school and called you in sick to work, you're all good." 

Azra's shoulders sagged and he smiled shakily, hugging himself loosely. "Thank you." 

"No problem, angel," Anthony hummed, pushing away from the doorway and walking over to the bed. "I thought you seemed like you needed the sleep," he went on, leaning down and pressing the back of his hand to Azra's forehead. "I think you ought to have a cool bath or something, you feel very hot." 

"Mm, hot and sticky," Azra complained, wrinkling his nose as he tried to ignore the urge to grab at his alpha and beg to be taken. "Would you help me?" 

"Of course," Anthony smiled, straightening up and walking over to the cupboard to get a clean towel. "I'll go run it, how about you get undressed?" 

Azra sighed, but nodded, watching Anthony walk off before slowly getting up, forcing his aching muscles to respond. He stripped out of his sweaty pajamas and dropped them straight into the laundry basket, then wandered into the bathroom. Anthony was kneeling by the tub, his hand trailing in the water, a concerned smile spreading across his face when he saw Azra. 

"Are you okay, angel?" 

Azra winced and shook his head slightly, hugging himself as Anthony stood up quickly. 

"What's wrong?" 

"I just...everything hurts and I'm just so...so needy," Azra sniffed, emotion rising up all at once, crashing over him like a tsunami as he fell into Anthony's welcoming chest, those arms wrapping around him so tightly and protectively. 

"I'm so sorry, angel," Anthony murmured, rocking Azra slightly before gently starting to pull away. "Come get in the bath, it'll help," he encouraged, and Azra did as he was told, sinking under the water and shivering slightly as it lapped at his over-sensitive skin. Anthony knelt on the mat and leaned over, rubbing slow circles into Azra's back as he closed his eyes and tried to stop trembling. 

"How can I help, angel?" He asked softly, and Azra shook his head slightly. 

"Just...talk to me, I guess. Unless.." he mumbled, looking up hopefully. Anthony sighed, reaching out to stroke his cheek gently. 

"If you're hinting at sex, sweetheart, I don't want to risk it. I'm perfectly in control now, but I don't entirely trust myself if I start to touch you, does that make sense?" 

Azra nodded and looked away, disappointment making his chest feel heavy. "Yeah, I understand. I just...I feel so awful," he went on softly, and Anthony nodded, stroking his hair slowly and shifting closer to the tub so he could hug the omega loosely. 

Azra rested his cheek on Anthony's chest and closed his eyes, letting his body relax into the gentle embrace even as his heartbeat sped up in response to the alpha's scent. 

"I think we should talk about suppressants," Anthony said after a while, breaking the comfortable silence and causing Azra to wake up somewhat. 

"Mm, I don't know what to do," he mumbled, shifting slightly in an attempt to get closer to his partner. "I think with you around, they just make everything worse." 

Anthony nodded, running his hand down Azra's back slowly. "I agree, and I'm sorry about that. Are you just scared of coming off them because of being in public?" 

"Yeah, I always used to have to at least drop Emily at school and pick her up, even if I stayed home from work, and it was just...scary," Azra sighed, curling up a little tighter as Anthony squeezed him gently. 

"I understand. But now you have me to help keep you safe and do those things for you, yeah?" He pointed out gently, and Azra nodded, closing his eyes. 

"I think I need to come off them, it's just removing a big crutch I've been leaning on for a while. But with you, all I get really is a compressed heat, so it comes on all at once and is very painful, so I think being in heat normally will be better, I just...I have quite intense heats, I basically...I don't think for myself," Azra mumbled, trying to ignore the blush rising to his cheeks. "We'd have to make a plan."

"We can do that," Anthony soothed, kissing the top of Azra's head lightly. "How about we do that today? We draw up a nice little plan for what to do when you're in heat and what makes you comfortable and happy. Would that make it better?" 

Azra nodded, turning his head slightly to kiss Anthony's chest. "Mhm. I'm still going to be scared, I don't think anything is going to stop that. But it'll be better." 

"I think you'll feel a lot healthier and happier," Anthony agreed softly. "Ben found that stopping them made him feel much better." 

"I really hope so," Azra sighed, and Anthony squeezed him gently, running a hand up and down his side. 

"I've got you, whatever happens." 

Silence fell again for a few peaceful minutes, until Anthony spoke up softly, a little awkward. 

"You know...if you were claimed, it might...might make you feel a bit safer out and about," he pointed out slowly, and Azra sighed, nodding as he reached up and ran a hand down Anthony's arm, his gaze focusing on the dark snake tattooed on his tan skin. 

"Mm, but it requires actual sex," he mumbled, closing his eyes as Anthony shifted position slightly. 

"Well, maybe it's something for the future, then," he murmured, and Azra winced, shaking his head slightly. 

"I'm not dismissing it, I just...I've been wanting to try, we just need to take it slow," he said quietly, and felt Anthony squeeze him ever so gently, strong arms wrapped around him protectively. "And I think it might really make me panic," he added, and Anthony nodded, gently pulling away enough to tip Azra's chin up, guiding him to look into Anthony's eyes. 

"We don't have to do anything before you're ready, I promise. And if you panic, I'll be there for you, okay? We can do it together." 

Azra nodded, turning his head to kiss Anthony's wrist, his eyelids suddenly feeling very heavy. 

"Mm, I know we can," he mumbled, then gently grabbed at Anthony's arm. "I think I need to go lay down." 

Anthony chuckled softly and gently helped Azra up, supporting him while he dried off and helping him into his pajamas. Once he was clothed again, Azra crawled into bed and curled up, falling asleep almost immediately - but not before he felt Anthony climbing in behind him and wrapping an arm around his waist. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys!   
> I know I'm updating a bit early, but it's in celebration! I finished this fic today!! It's just over 211,000 words and will be 54 chapters long (currently, there might be a bit more if I do some edits). I'm really excited, and it means I can start working on my new AU 'Magpie' properly!   
> If you guys are interested in some details for that, let me know in the comments and I'll type out a summary :)   
> <3<3


	27. Chapter Twenty Seven

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter contains: mention of past underage sexual assault, failed attempt at sex.

A few days after Azra had recovered from his heat, he was sitting at the breakfast table with Anthony, opening the post. Emily wasn't awake yet, so Anthony was sitting staring off into space with just a mug of coffee in front of him. 

Azra opened an official-looking envelope and slid out a short letter, jumping when Anthony's hand slid over his leg under the table. 

"What's that?" Anthony asked sleepily, and Azra sighed, unfolding it carefully. 

"It's a reminder for Emily's appointment on Monday. I'm getting her tested," he announced, handing the letter over. 

"You mean...to find out what gender she is?" Anthony asked slowly, blinking at the letter. 

"Yeah, I want to know before she hits puberty and all that comes out at once, y'know?" 

Anthony was silent for a moment, then handed the letter back, nodding slightly. Azra frowned, tilting his head as he looked at Anthony. 

"What?" 

"I just.." he sighed deeply, shaking his head. "She's not my kid, but I'm just...I'm against the idea of testing in general." 

Azra blinked, then recoiled slightly, completely shocked. "What? I...Anthony, if she's an omega, what...what happens if she goes into her first heat in public? When I'm not there?" 

Anthony looked away, tightening his jaw slightly. "I just...it's putting kids into boxes too early, without their consent, I don't...look, I don't want to fight about it, alright?" He said quickly, holding his hands out in a universal gesture of peace. "Emily is your daughter, and you know best, it's not for me to decide." 

Azra stared at him for a moment, then shook his head slightly. "I think that really shows your privilege," he mumbled, and Anthony turned sharply, glaring at him. 

"What's that supposed to mean?" 

Azra rolled his eyes and got up, starting to clear up the letters and envelopes. "I don't think you'd listen if I told you," he muttered, and Anthony got up hurriedly, following him into the kitchen. 

"Hey, no, I want to listen," he said quickly, reaching for Azra's arm, but thinking better of it. "Explain it to me, Azra. Please?" 

Azra sighed and turned, folding his arms over his chest as he leaned back against the kitchen counter. "I went into my first heat at school and I was assaulted by a teacher," he said bluntly, tilting his head slightly. "I was suspended from school for trying to tell the nurse what had happened. If I'd known, if my mum had been able to explain it to me, I would have realised the warning signs the day before and I wouldn't have been in that situation. I was nearly raped at fourteen years old because of my gender. I can't let that happen to Emily." 

Anthony winced, stepping forward and opening his arms to offer a hug. "I'm sorry, Azra. I love you, and I'll support any decision you make," he murmured, and Azra looked away, clenching his jaw for a moment before giving in to his need for comfort and leaning into Anthony's arms. 

"I'm okay now, I just...I try not to think about it, it's pretty common," he sighed, and Anthony hugged him tightly, one hand sliding up into his fluffy hair. 

"I wish I could make it all go away," Anthony mumbled, and Azra just buried his face in the alpha's neck, clinging to him as tight as possible. 

"Would you come with us on Monday?" He asked after a while, and Anthony nodded, rubbing his back slowly. 

"Yeah, if you like. Maybe we could all get ice cream after?" 

Azra nodded, pressing himself even closer into his partner's body. "Yeah, I'd like that." 

Silence fell for a moment or two, then Anthony sighed, squeezing Azra closer to him. "I'm sorry if you thought what I said was invalidating your experiences, I...I understand that there are gaps in my knowledge," he said slowly, and Azra nodded, gently pulling away from the hug to kiss him briefly.

"I know, darling. That's what I meant by privilege, it wasn't a criticism, it's just that you've only ever lived as an alpha, and that limits your world view. You'll never understand what it was like going through puberty as an omega, in the same way that I'll never understand what it was like for you. Not in the same depth, at least. It's just a fact of life, but that needs to be acknowledged when you're arguing about things like early gender testing, because it inherently has more benefits for omegas and betas than alphas," Azra explained softly and Anthony nodded, leaning in to kiss him again, smiling down at him lovingly. 

"I want to talk about this more sometime, I want to learn more about your thoughts. I think now probably isn't the best time, though," he chuckled, and Azra smiled back, enjoying the chance to just gaze into those soft eyes and soak up all the love he saw there. 

"Probably not. I'm obviously a bit fragile right now," Azra smiled sheepishly, and Anthony ducked his head, pressing a soft kiss to his jaw. 

"Mm, I love it when you talk like that, though. My beautiful, intelligent, sweet omega," Anthony purred, lightly pinning Azra back against the kitchen counter, mouthing soft kisses down his neck and sending a delighted shiver down his spine. "You don't show me how smart you are nearly enough, angel." 

Azra tilted his head back slightly, his breath catching in his throat as he felt Anthony's hips pressed up against his. "Ah! I-I...Gabriel used to get annoyed with me if I-...mmm...if I talked too much," he mumbled, Anthony's teeth grazing the skin just behind his ear and making his entire body start to feel hot, adrenaline and anticipation flooding through him. 

"Well, he's a fucking idiot and he should have listened to you, maybe he'd have learned something," Anthony growled softly, increasing the pressure slightly, his body heavier against Azra's as he bit down very lightly at the underside of the omega's jaw. 

"Anthony, I...ohhh, I think Emily might be getting up soon," Azra gasped out, and Anthony sighed heavily, pulling away just slightly. 

"You're probably right. But just for the record, I really do love hearing you talk, sweetheart," Anthony murmured, and Azra smiled, knowing his cheeks were a little flushed, his breathing a bit quicker than usual. 

"Thank you, darling." 

* * *

Monday was stressful. Azra couldn't stop thinking about what the result might be and it was making him feel sick even as he had sat in the waiting room and watched Anthony play noughts and crosses with Emily. 

She hadn't minded the blood tests, to Azra's surprise, and Anthony had been waiting for her with a lollipop when they left the clinic. They'd gone for ice cream, and Anthony had noticed Azra didn't seem quite right, so he'd suggested takeout for dinner and this was met with general approval. 

Once Emily was in bed, things settled down a bit, but Azra was still feeling rather stressed, so he changed into his pajamas and went downstairs to find Anthony on the couch already, smiling at him as he walked into the living room. 

"Hey." 

"Hey," Azra hummed, sitting down beside Anthony and curling up under one of the many throws, his whole side leaning against his partner's. Anthony wrapped an arm around him easily, kissing the side of his head. 

"You seem upset, do you wanna talk about it?" 

Azra sighed and shrugged, closing his eyes for a moment or two before answering, attempting to gather his thoughts. "I'm terrified she'll be an omega," he said flatly, then snuggled closer to Anthony, his hand resting on the alpha's thigh. "I know the world is changing for the better, but not fast enough. I can deal with my own problems, I can deal with the fact that I get assaulted on a yearly basis, pretty much, but I don't know how to deal with even the idea of that happening to my daughter," he mumbled, and Anthony sighed softly, nodding as he let his hand slip under Azra's shirt to hold his warm side. 

"I know what you mean, angel. It's a terrifying thought, but I know that you'll be an amazing parent, no matter the outcome of this test. You'll take care of her and she'll grow up into such a sweet, intelligent, friendly young woman, I know that. So try not to stress, okay? I know that's much easier said than done, but there's no point worrying until we know." 

"You're right, it's just...it's hard," Azra mumbled, and Anthony nodded again, squeezing his side lightly. 

"Yeah, it is. Look, I um...I've been overthinking some stuff from the past few days, and...does the fact that other people see me as like a sissy and a um...well, a t-word bother you?" He asked hesitantly, and Azra snorted. 

"No. They're just brainless idiots who couldn't find their own arses with both hands," he answered with a bright smile, finding one of Anthony's hands and squeezing it tightly. "I love you for who you are." 

Anthony let out a slow breath and leaned his head against Azra's contentedly. "I just wanted to check, y'know?" 

"I understand," Azra hummed, sympathy swelling in his chest. He was just glad that Anthony told him he loved him about fifty times a day, so he didn't have to check every five minutes. "I get worried sometimes too." 

"Well, I love you. Every inch of you, every part of you," Anthony declared on cue, and Azra giggled softly, curling up a little tighter. 

"Right back at you." 

"We're good at this romance lark," Anthony declared softly, and Azra laughed again, letting his eyes slip closed as he felt Anthony's hand wandering up his side slightly. 

"Yeah, we are," he agreed, shifting in Anthony's grip. "Maybe we could take a bath in a bit? I'm a little cold." 

"How about right now instead?" Anthony suggested with a smile, and Azra nodded, stifling a yawn as Anthony let go of him carefully and gently helped him to his feet. 

Before long, Azra was sinking down into warm, lavender-scented water, the bubbles rising up his chest as he leaned back into Anthony's embrace. 

"Mm, this is lovely," he sighed happily, and Anthony hummed agreement, nuzzling Azra's jaw and pressing a soft, lingering kiss to his cheek. 

"You seem tense," he commented, and Azra shifted slightly, leaning his head back against Anthony's shoulder. 

"Mm, yeah. I've been thinking a bit about what you said about claiming," Azra began slowly, his heart feeling a little heavier in his chest as he tried to get comfortable. "And I...I think it's a good idea, we just have to...well, get to that point first." 

Anthony nodded, resting his chin on Azra's shoulder and squeezing him slightly. "Do you feel ready to try yet or do you need more time?" He asked gently, his voice as soft as ever. "It's fine either way, love." 

Azra let out a slow breath and nodded slightly, running his fingertips along one tattooed arm. "I think I'm ready. I'm very nervous, I...I don't like panicking about things, it...it makes me feel weak," he sighed, and heard Anthony breathe in sharply, as if to interrupt. "I know that's not true," he added quickly, and felt the alpha relax slightly. "But still...I can't really help feeling that way. I just...I don't like being scared." 

"I don't think anyone does, particularly," Anthony pointed out gently, and Azra let out a soft sigh, nodding slightly. 

"Yeah, you're right. I'll be okay, I have you to take care of me," he smiled, and Anthony purred, stroking his knuckles down the centre of Azra's chest. 

"You've got that right." 

Azra smiled to himself, spreading his legs a little wider at the thought of having Anthony on top of him. A little thrill shivered its way down his spine and he closed his eyes, going back to that dream he'd had, remembering how good it had felt. 

Fingertips trailed over his stomach, and he tilted his head back further, his breath hitching in his throat as he opened his legs even wider, inviting Anthony in. 

"Please.."

Those fingers dipped lower, stroking over his short shaft, and he let out a deep sigh, a smile spreading across his face as Anthony nuzzled his cheek. 

"You like me touching you, hmm?" He purred, and Azra grinned, leaning his head into Anthony's as those fingers circled slowly, almost teasing. Azra settled into the sensation comfortably, just feeling it, relaxing into the idea of having Anthony's hand on him. It felt good to have such a gentle start, a nice, slow introduction to sex. It gave him time to really set himself up against the memories and get ready for what was to come. 

Anthony's hand slid further, those soft lips pressed to Azra's cheek as two fingers slipped inside him easily, causing him to let out a happy gasp at the feeling of being opened up.

"Anthony," he purred, and the alpha chuckled, sliding his fingers out carefully and running his hand over Azra's thigh lightly. 

"My beautiful angel. How about we move this to the bed so I can kiss you?" Anthony suggested softly, and Azra nodded hurriedly, getting up quite quickly and stepping out of the tub. He wrapped himself in a towel and slipped out of the bathroom, into the bigger space of the bedroom to dry off. 

He heard the bathroom door click shut behind him and turned to face Anthony, his cheeks flushing when he saw that the alpha was completely, unashamedly naked. 

Anthony chuckled and walked up to Azra, gently cupping his chin in both hands before planting a kiss on his forehead. "I love you."

"I love you too," Azra purred, relaxing into the touch and simply gazing up at those gentle eyes. Then he let the towel fall and saw the smile, the appreciation flashing across Anthony's face. 

"Have I ever told you.." the alpha murmured, leaning in slowly, until their lips were almost brushing. Azra's eyes widened, his breath quickening, but Anthony hesitated. "..how absolutely stunning you are?" 

Azra felt the blush rise just as their lips connected in the softest of kisses, slow and gentle and everything he needed. He could feel the love in the way Anthony moved, fingers stroking over his cheek delicately and carefully tangling in his hair. 

All too soon, Anthony was breaking away, his breath a little heavier than usual, his arm slipping around Azra's waist, pulling him close. Azra giggled softly and fell into his chest, looking up into those golden eyes again before leaning in slowly, popping up on his toes to kiss Anthony briefly. He laughed when he fell back and Anthony rolled his eyes, letting his arm slide from the omega's waist. 

"You're adorable," he murmured, and Azra smiled, pulling away from him carefully and taking his hand. He didn't say anything, but gently led the alpha over to the bed, climbing up carefully and laying back, making himself comfortable for Anthony. 

Azra's heart was already pounding in his ears, but he did his best to ignore it, smiling with just a touch of uncertainty as Anthony got onto the bed easily, kneeling between his legs. The alpha's cock was already starting to fill out, and Azra was feeling just a little dizzy looking at it. 

But before he could think about this too much, Anthony was already leaning over him, pulling him into another soft kiss, his hand running down over the omega's side. Azra took a deep breath and drew his knees up, letting his legs fall open easily and feeling that hand slide over him and down. Two long fingers pressed into him, rubbing over his walls, sliding through him, and he broke the kiss to tip his head back, gasping and twitching. Pleasure rocked through him, his hands grabbing blindly at Anthony's sides, trying to find something to hang on to. 

"I've got you, sweetheart," Anthony soothed suddenly, and Azra felt his body relax, his hips rolling into those careful fingers. 

"P-please," he whined, and Anthony slowly slid his fingers out and up, circling quickly, pressing against him, and Azra twitched as a burst of delight made him moan ever so softly. 

Lips, hot and wet, brushed his neck, teeth pressing down, into his skin, and Azra moaned again, ending it with a shuddering sigh. 

Anthony pulled back with a soft chuckle, his lips finding the corner of Azra's before kissing him properly, one hand sliding over his cheek before he broke away.

He smiled down at his partner, his thumb running under Azra's eye while his gaze simply radiated love and adoration. 

"Do you have condoms, sweetheart?" 

Azra nodded, that slightly dizzy feeling coming back as he gently grabbed at Anthony, fingers tangling in his hair. Uncertainty flooded through him, hot and nauseating, sitting heavy in his stomach even as he opened his mouth to answer. 

"In the bedside table. There's lube as well," he mumbled, and Anthony nodded, leaning over and opening the drawer. Azra closed his eyes quickly, listening to the sound of the packet tearing. 

"Are you alright, angel?" Anthony asked softly, and Azra nodded, taking a deep breath and opening his eyes again to see the alpha leaning over him, looking rather worried. 

"Yeah, just...just taking some deep breaths," he admitted softly, and Anthony nodded, stroking his knuckles down Azra's chest soothingly. 

"Alright. Remember you can tell me to stop at any point, and if you ever need a break, you just let me know. I'll start really slow, I promise." 

Azra nodded, clenching his jaw for a moment before forcing himself to relax. "Hold my hand?" 

"Of course, love. Let me just put some lube on and get ready," Anthony murmured, and Azra closed his eyes again, trying to ignore the feeling of cold lube being spread over his entrance. Although he had to admit, Gabriel had never bothered to use lube, not unless he was using Azra's back door - and the thought allowed him to settle slightly, just another difference between his past and present alphas. 

Anthony's hand slid over Azra's and the omega let his eyes open slowly, meeting that loving golden gaze just as he felt his partner's tip nudging up against him. 

Azra took a sharp breath in, but Anthony was already squeezing his hand lightly. 

"Are you alright?" He pressed gently, and Azra nodded, his fingertips digging into the back of Anthony's hand. 

"Y-yeah just...just nervous," he mumbled, and Anthony kissed his cheek softly, letting out a soft breath. 

"Are you okay to keep going?" 

Azra nodded and reached up, pulling Anthony down into a slow, distracting kiss as he felt the alpha begin to push ever so slightly. Azra's slick folds opened easily around Anthony, and even as the tip began to press into Azra's entrance, it seemed to glide with barely any resistance. Although he wouldn't have admitted it to Anthony, Azra had been expecting discomfort at the very least, and he was caught off guard by the effortless filling, enough that he felt Anthony's tip pressing up against the end of his passage before he'd even truly realised that Anthony was inside him. 

"Well done, angel," Anthony praised softly, wiping his other hand on the sheets before stroking Azra's hair, those golden eyes so genuine and loving. Azra smiled slightly, barely able to process the fact that Anthony was filling him, sitting inside him so comfortably. 

"I need a minute," he said quickly, and Anthony nodded, running his knuckles down his partner's cheek. 

"I guessed you would," he soothed, and Azra took a deep breath, his fingers still laced with Anthony's. 

"Tell me I'm okay," he begged softly, and Anthony's light eyes turned sympathetic as he smiled down at his partner. 

"You're doing so well, sweetheart," he murmured, and Azra let his eyes slip closed, his focus turning to those gentle words and the feeling of fullness, of letting someone in again. "You're okay. I've got you, I promise," Anthony went on, and Azra smiled despite everything, his other hand sliding up into Anthony's hair and taking a gentle grip as he let out a quiet sigh. Blue eyes opened and Anthony smiled back, stroking his cheek once more. 

"I'm ready," Azra announced softly, even though the words made him sick. He felt as if he was as ready as he was ever going to be, and he just hoped that if he could make it through this first session, then the rest would be easy. 

"Okay, my love. I'll start nice and slow," Anthony murmured, his fingers curling around Azra's hip, pressing into his soft flesh. His body rolled and Azra cried out shakily, his grip on Anthony's hair tightening as he felt that slow stroke. 

"Hey hey, it's okay," Anthony soothed, quickly reaching up to stroke Azra's cheek. Azra squeezed his eyes shut, his face burning in shame and annoyance. "We can stop if you need, sweetheart," Anthony reminded him softly, and Azra clenched his jaw. 

"No, I can...I can do it." 

Anthony seemed sceptical, but nodded slightly and leaned down, capturing Azra's lips in the softest of kisses, his hips rolling again and again. Azra shuddered underneath him, squeezing his eyes shut against the memories threatening him, rising up and finally spilling over. 

He barely noticed Anthony's weight lifting from him, sliding out of him; he was too far gone, phantom pain slicing through his skin, causing him to cry out. Tears burned his eyes and ran down his cheeks as he felt hands on him, trying to slap them away as he sat up abruptly. Sobs bubbled up, his lungs feeling as if they might shatter in his chest, his hands pressing against his ears to drown out the words  _ slut, toy, useless… _

"Angel, it's alright. It's okay." 

Azra opened his eyes slowly, tears cascading down his already sticky cheeks and gathering on his chin as he tried to focus on the blurry figure in front of him. A hand closed around his wrist and he jerked away, but the grip broke easily, not even attempting to hold him. 

"Take a deep breath, Azra." 

Azra squeezed his eyes shut again, his nostrils flaring as he tried to hold back the sobs long enough to breathe. Some semblance of control began to seep back, helped along by the realisation that name brought back.  _ Azra.  _ He hadn't been Azra before, with Gabriel. His memories were all attached to a different name, a different person, and he felt a hand on him again, this time forcing himself to think about the touch, about how gentle it was on his shoulder. 

"Azra, sweetheart. I'm right here, my angel, it's alright." 

A blanket, soft and warm, wrapped around his bare shoulders and Azra buried his face in his hands, still struggling to breathe without crying. 

"That's it, my love. You're doing so well, I love you so so much," the voice went on, thick and broken, and Azra finally dropped his hands and blinked until his eyes could focus. 

The hard core of fear still hanging heavy in his chest began to fade, his mind at last present enough to spit out a name for the face in front of him.  _ Anthony.  _

With the name came a rush of warmth, of love and trust and need, and he broke down again, this time in relief. 

"Oh, angel, it's okay," Anthony soothed, shifting closer to the omega and slowly wrapping an arm around his shoulders. "I'm right here, it's all okay." 

Azra turned and buried his face in that warm, welcoming chest, fingers scrabbling for a grip on the alpha's back, his sobs soft and shaky now. Anthony hugged back tightly, rocking him ever so slightly, and as Azra curled up, trying to get comfortable, he felt fabric on the alpha's legs and relaxed even further. 

It took a good few minutes for Azra to stop crying, even with Anthony stroking his hair and back, but eventually he trailed off into sniffles and pressed himself even closer into his alpha's chest. 

"I'm so sorry, Azra," Anthony began softly and Azra slowly sat back, shaking his head quickly while he tried to dry his tears. 

"It's not your fault, I should have stopped way before, I...I thought I could force myself through it, but...but that was stupid." 

Anthony smiled sadly and reached out, his hand coming to rest on Azra's cheek ever so gently. "It was a bit," he chuckled softly, and Azra managed a weak smile, leaning into the touch. 

"I think if we could take it slower, I'd be okay. I was rushing to get it over with," he admitted quietly, and Anthony shook his head slightly, gently pulling Azra back into a careful, loving embrace. 

"We should be savouring our first time, sweetheart. We only get it once, and if we can't enjoy it together, then we need to take a step back and figure out why." 

Azra nodded, letting out a soft sigh as he relaxed into Anthony's arms. "You're right. I think...I think next time we try more foreplay." 

"Alright, good. That's a positive takeaway to work at next time," Anthony hummed, squeezing Azra ever so gently. "Come on, how about you get cleaned up and we watch a nice stupid movie?" 

Azra nodded slightly, grabbing at one of Anthony's hands and squeezing it tightly. "I'm sorry, I...I wish I could be normal for you, I just-" 

"Don't be silly," Anthony soothed, pressing a soft kiss to the side of his head. "Sex isn't the most important thing in a relationship, and you are normal. We'll get there, I know we will. We just need to remember that none of this is the end of the world." 

Azra nodded again, then slowly broke away from Anthony's embrace, sighing quietly. "I'm gonna go clean up." 

"Alright, I'll tidy," Anthony announced, and Azra slipped off the bed, shutting the bathroom door behind him as soon as he was inside. He sat down on the toilet and buried his face in his hands again, trying to sort through the memories that had come up. Some of them had been pushed quite far down into his unconscious memory, and he needed to take a moment to think through them, no matter how painful. 

He took deep, measured breaths as he went, trying to keep himself calm even as he remembered countless 'escapades,' as Gabriel had called them, that had landed him in hospital. Well, the private, rather sketchy hospital Gabriel took him to. Azra had seen a lot of money change hands on a regular basis, and he'd always hated the place. 

A knocking shook him out of his thoughts and he looked up sharply. 

"I'll just be a minute!" 

"Alright, angel. I was just checking you were okay," Anthony murmured, and Azra nodded to himself, wrapping his arms around his own body slowly. 

"Yeah, I...I'm not great," he admitted quietly, biting back the lie as it threatened to slip. "But I'll be out soon." 

"Okay, I'll be here." 

Azra closed his eyes for a moment and let out a soft sigh. It didn't matter anymore. There was no point in remembering a hospital he'd never go back to, a man he'd never see again. He had to try to focus on Anthony, on his kindness and generosity and love. 

He cleaned himself up and then got up, slipping out of the bathroom and finding Anthony waiting for him, a set of pajamas in his hands. He was fully clothed in his own pajamas, so Azra smiled at him weakly and got dressed, then quickly grabbed Anthony's wrist as he turned to walk away. 

"Can I have a hug?" He asked, and immediately found himself wrapped in gentle warmth and that lovely, soothing scent.

"I love you," Anthony murmured, and Azra relaxed into him, a slight smile tugging at his lips. 

"I love you too," he answered, and there was nothing more to say. All that needed to be said had been, and Anthony gently led Azra to bed, guiding him into the sweetest of cuddles and holding him silently until tiredness finally took over and Azra found himself falling into the peaceful nothingness of sleep. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! I hope you enjoyed this chapter, even though it's a bit mixed!   
> I said I'd post a summary of Magpie with this, so here goes. Keep in mind that I'm awful at summaries lol 
> 
> Magpie:  
> Ezra has just been hired as a bartender at an underground LGBT nightclub to help supplement his income while he studies for his master’s, and he can’t help but become infatuated with one of the performers, an exotic dancer who goes by the name AJ. 
> 
> This story has a lot of pining and includes quite a few themes (e.g. sex work, disability, living with HIV, abuse, PTSD, mental ill health) that will be quite angsty, but I’m planning on there being plenty of cute stuff and pining to balance it out. Also, since I’m incapable of writing cis characters, they will both be a flavour of trans :)


	28. Chapter Twenty Eight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter contains: sexual content, incredibly sappy shit. 
> 
> (This is one of my favourite chapters, so enjoy!)

Azra wasn't sure how Anthony had found out about his birthday. He suspected it probably had something to do with Emily or Anathema, but in any case, he arrived home from work just over a week after Emily's gender test had been sent off to find a surprise party all ready and waiting for him. 

Anthony had baked a rather messy but delicious-smelling cake again, as well as bringing a store-bought one, and Emily had helped him cook Azra's favourite meal. Anathema and Newt were also there, helping Anthony put the finishing touches on the party with streamers and balloons, and they all cheered when Azra walked into the living room, completely shocked. 

"Happy Birthday, angel!" Anthony grinned, hurrying over just as Emily slammed into Azra's legs, squealing. Still rather dazed, Azra scooped her up just as Anthony got to him, pulling him into a quick, loving kiss. 

"Ah, get a room!" Anathema laughed, and Azra blushed even darker, holding Emily on his hip while she hugged him tightly. 

"Daddy!" 

"Yes love?" He chuckled, leaning into Anthony slightly as the alpha grinned. 

"Happy Birthday!" Emily shouted, and Azra just shook his head and let her down carefully. "Gonna go get presents!" 

He watched her run off, tailed by Anathema, and jumped slightly when Anthony's arm slid around his waist. 

"It's just me," Anthony hummed, and Azra smiled to himself, then turned and pulled his partner into a hug, burying his face in one thin shoulder and relishing that smell and feel. Anthony's arms closed around his waist tightly and squeezed, and Azra purred, letting out a contented sigh. 

"I love you," he murmured, and Anthony squeezed him again, then gently began to pull away.

Azra let him go reluctantly, reaching up just as he broke away to cup his cheeks and pull him in for one last kiss. Anthony chuckled and obliged, kissing him softly before backing up a step. 

"Sorry, angel, I have to check on dinner," he murmured, and Azra blushed, remembering that Newt was still in the room, looking slightly awkward. 

"Oh, yeah...sorry," he mumbled, and Anthony chuckled, kissing his cheek lovingly before slipping past him and heading into the kitchen. 

Azra stood in silence for a moment, then Anathema and Emily appeared, laughing and carrying several boxes and bags between them. They set it all out on the coffee table and Azra stared, his eyes wide in shock. He'd never had such a big birthday, and he felt his heart warm in his chest, knowing that his little family had put so much effort into making his day special. 

The rest of the evening passed quite quickly, as he was constantly doing something, caught up in eating dinner, opening presents, and then eating dessert. He pretended to be embarrassed when Anthony got everyone to sing for him, but he loved the attention, loved watching Emily's little face light up when he got her to help blow the candles out. 

Anathema and Newt left just before he took Emily up to bed, and he said his goodbyes and thank yous, then guided his daughter up the stairs. He helped her brush her teeth, then tucked her into bed and leaned over her, stroking her forehead slowly. 

"Did you have a good birthday, Daddy?" She asked softly, and he smiled brightly, opening his hand against her cheek. 

"It was amazing, baby. Thank you so so much for helping Anthony organise it," he murmured, leaning down to kiss her forehead. "I love you very very much, little one." 

Emily giggled sleepily, gently grabbing at his hair. "How much?" 

"To the furthest star and back," Azra grinned, and Emily squirmed to get comfortable, her little chest rising and falling rhythmically. 

"Well, I love you more," she declared, and Azra rolled his eyes. 

"Well then I love you to the furthest star and back times infinity, you can't have more than that," he chuckled, and she nodded, although he could tell she was starting to struggle with keeping her eyes open. 

"Yeah, you can, cause I love you more," Emily protested stubbornly, and Azra rolled his eyes, leaning down and kissing her forehead one last time. 

"Alright, baby. Get some sleep, okay?" He soothed, and she smiled, her eyes slipping shut. A moment later, Azra could tell she was asleep, so he got up carefully and turned the light off, then slipped out of the room and left the door almost closed behind him. Then he headed downstairs, humming to himself as he walked into the living room to find it empty, aside from a bright red rose on the coffee table. 

He walked over and picked it up, rolling his eyes when he saw the note underneath it. After snatching up the note, he took the flower into the kitchen to put it in some water, then leaned back against the counter and unfolded the paper, biting his lip lightly. 

_ Come upstairs x _

Azra felt his cheeks flush with love and anticipation, the sheer excitement of having someone be so unrelentingly romantic with him making his breathing a little quick. He shoved the note into his pocket and forced himself to take the stairs calmly, hesitating outside the bedroom door before opening it slowly. He made sure not to look around as he slipped inside, shutting and locking the door behind him before he finally turned. 

The room was lit with candles scattered everywhere, rose petals on the bed, and Anthony was standing in the middle of it all, looking drop dead gorgeous and very nervous. 

He'd brushed his hair, making it look shiny and soft, and applied enough makeup to enhance his features without making it too obvious: some perfect winged eyeliner, dark mascara, and a touch of lipstick. What stood out the most, however, was his clothing. He was wearing a beautiful deep red lingerie set, with a lacy bodice and a garter belt for his red thigh-high stockings. His cheeks almost matched the colour of the lace, and he shifted nervously in his red high heels as Azra just stared, unable to speak. 

He just couldn't stop staring, taking in every inch of Anthony's body, so perfectly highlighted by the lingerie that showed off every part of him that Azra loved the most. 

"Happy Birthday," Anthony said softly, but his nerves made it sound more like a question, and Azra finally swallowed thickly, his eyes still wide. 

"Jesus fucking Christ," he answered shakily, walking forward slowly and running a hand down Anthony's chest lightly, as if completely unable to believe what he was seeing. "You...you look  _ amazing,  _ Anthony. Like...that's the...the hottest thing I've ever seen," he mumbled, and Anthony's blush darkened, his hands gently closing around Azra's. 

"I want to try again, if you're willing," he murmured, smiling while Azra just gazed up at him, studying those beautiful eyes. 

"Yes  _ please," _ he breathed, and Anthony relaxed slightly, leaning down and hesitating. Azra closed the gap without any need for conscious thought, kissing those beautiful lips ever so softly, starting slow and gentle. He pulled away first and took a deep breath, looking up at Anthony with worried eyes. 

"I think I need you to be in charge. I need help," he said simply, and Anthony nodded, leaning down to take his heels off, setting them by the bed neatly so he wasn't too much taller than his partner. 

"Okay. How about you get on the bed for me, sweetheart?" Anthony suggested softly, and Azra nodded, slipping his shirt off and heading for the bed, crawling onto it as he felt Anthony following, unclipping the stockings and slipping them off. Azra settled back, trying to ignore the nerves writhing in his stomach, and opened his eyes as he felt the bed sink beside him. Anthony laid down on his side slowly, his hand trailing up and down Azra's bare chest, his golden eyes soft and loving. 

"Look at you, so comfortable with me," he praised softly, and Azra blushed, biting his lip lightly. 

"I think I'd like to be in my underwear," he mumbled, and Anthony nodded, reaching up to stroke his cheek lightly. 

"You do what makes you feel right, angel." 

Azra smiled, some of the nerves fading as he sat up and undid his belt, slipping his jeans off and tossing them over the side of the bed. Then he gently tugged at Anthony and grinned as the alpha climbed over him, leaning down. 

Their lips brushed, and Anthony's leg found its way between Azra's, his thigh pressing up just as they kissed, and Azra felt a rush of pleasure and need flood through him. He ground down against Anthony's thigh, his breath hitching as pleasure burst again, his kisses becoming desperate and needy. 

Anthony smiled into it and rocked his hips, and Azra was gasping, grinding into the motion and whining when he felt hot lips on his neck. Anthony kept rolling, rhythmically rubbing his thigh against Azra while kissing down, all the way to his nipple. Although he'd been expecting it, the pleasure still took Azra by surprise, forcing him to let out a little half-gasped moan as Anthony sucked lightly, flicking his tongue. Azra's hand slid into his hair, fingers curling in those long red locks as he rolled and rolled. Anthony bit down gently and Azra cried out, his head tipping back as his body arched and shuddered. 

And then a hand was sliding down, fingertips dipping under the waistband of his underwear, and Anthony was leaning over him, a question in his eyes. Azra grinned breathlessly and nodded, grabbing at Anthony's cheeks and pulling him into a desperate kiss, his hips rolling up as that hand slid down. Immediately, Anthony went into short, quick circles, and Azra gasped, his head tipping back and lips finding his throat instead, just as two fingers dipped into him, testing him gently. 

Azra realised he should have been nervous or scared, but after all the romanticism of the setting and Anthony's attentive touches, he wasn't feeling worried at all. In fact, he was losing himself quite happily, his eyes rolling back as Anthony rubbed over his walls, long fingers reaching blissfully deep. And then the fingers were gone and Anthony was sliding down, pulling Azra's underwear off and gripping his thighs. 

Azra tensed in anticipation, but couldn't prepare himself for the overwhelming sensation of Anthony's tongue on him, running over him, tasting him. Then lips wrapped around his cock and he bucked, moaning out happily as two fingers pressed into him again, rubbing up against his g-spot. Azra shuddered and whined, his hand sliding down into Anthony's hair, his hips rolling shakily as that tongue flicked over his tip over and over. 

"Ahh! Anthony!" He gasped, and Anthony just purred in response, moving his fingers a little quicker and pressing harder as his tongue swirled. Azra panted out a warning, his pleasure rising, building, and finally coming crashing down, pouring through him as he bucked and writhed, gasping and shaking. Anthony's fingers slowed, sliding through Azra's passage as he lapped gently at the omega's cock, easily coaxing him through his orgasm and not seeming to mind that Azra was accidentally tugging on his hair. 

As soon as Azra had stopped rocking his hips into every motion, Anthony sat back and stroked his partner's thighs, smiling at him lovingly. "Do you feel ready to try the next step?" He asked gently, and Azra took a deep breath. He felt relaxed and happy, aside from a small stirring of nerves that seemed completely manageable.

"Yeah. I feel...I feel good," Azra admitted, and Anthony grinned, leaning over to kiss him briefly before slipping off the bed. 

"That's what we like to hear," he purred, and Azra turned to watch him strip, a smile spreading across his face as he stared at the alpha's body, taking in every perfect curve. Then Anthony opened the bedside table and Azra had to take a deep breath, closing his eyes for a moment as he heard the packet tear. 

"You okay?" 

Azra opened his eyes to see Anthony climbing back onto the bed, coming to kneel between his spread legs, his cock hanging hard and heavy and longer than Azra remembered. He swallowed and nodded slightly, then got a handle on his nerves and dragged his gaze up to those soft, loving eyes. 

"Yeah, I'm...I'm good, actually," he murmured, to his own surprise, excitement suddenly flooding through him, causing his heart to beat a little faster in his chest. He was getting ready to take his alpha, to feel him properly, and he was finally as thrilled as he felt he should be. Anthony picked up the lube and Azra spread his legs wider, letting them fall open as far as they could as he watched the alpha needily. Anthony spread plenty of lube over himself, then smoothed some over Azra carefully before wiping his hand on a towel from the floor and leaning over him. 

Azra gazed up happily, a bright smile spreading across his face as he reached up and stroked Anthony's cheek slowly. "I love you so so much," he murmured, and Anthony grinned, his tip kissing Azra's folds, his hands rubbing over his stomach and sides. 

"I love you too, angel. Are you ready?" 

"So ready," Azra answered sincerely, and Anthony leaned down, hesitating just slightly to tease his omega before kissing him, their lips fitting together perfectly as he began to press forward. Azra gasped softly, but Anthony gently guided him back into the kiss, one hand stroking his cheek as he slid slowly, filling Azra in one long, easy movement. 

Azra let out a deep sigh and Anthony sat back slightly, shifting position a little to get more comfortable. "How do you feel?" 

Azra grinned, his eyes half-lidded, his body entirely relaxed. "Amazing," he murmured, and Anthony smiled brightly, stroking his curls back from his face carefully. 

"Good. That's how it should be," he said firmly, kissing his partner's cheek lovingly. "Tell me when you're ready." 

Azra nodded and gently took one of Anthony's hands, squeezing lightly. "I love you, Anthony," he murmured, and the alpha smiled, kissing his cheek softly. 

"I love you too, sweetheart. You're so brave," Anthony answered quietly, his hand sliding over Azra's cheek, his palm resting there while his fingers tangled in those soft blond curls. 

"Thank you," Azra purred, still studying those beautiful brown eyes, so light they were almost golden. "I know I'm really bad at expressing it, but you look so beautiful tonight," he added, and Anthony's smile softened even further, his eyes bright. 

"You're gonna make me cry and it's going to be awkward," he warned, and Azra giggled, letting his body relax down into the mattress as he savoured the sweet moment. 

"Kiss me, then," he grinned, and Anthony did as he was told, gently drawing Azra deeper, one hand skimming down over his side to squeeze his hip, fingers pressing into his soft flesh. The kiss was gentle and loving, and Anthony pulled away slowly, letting his lips linger slightly before Azra opened his eyes and smiled, feeling nothing but love and a stirring of anticipation. 

"I'm ready this time," he murmured, and Anthony smiled softly, stroking his hair slowly. 

"Okay, angel. We can stop whenever you need." 

Azra nodded and gently pulled Anthony down into a slow kiss, allowing himself to be led and guided deeper as Anthony shifted his position, then rolled slowly. Azra gasped, his fingers curling in Anthony's hair, his eyes squeezing shut as a little wave of discomfort washed over him, but by the time Anthony rolled again, pulling out about halfway before pushing back in slowly, it was gone. 

The third thrust made Azra gasp again, pleasure bursting through him as Anthony pushed in a little more forcefully, nudging right up against the end of his partner's passage. 

"A-alpha!" Azra choked out, and Anthony chuckled softly, his lips brushing his partner's as he spoke quietly. 

"I've got you, sweetheart. Deep breath," he soothed, and Azra let his head tip back, his eyes slipping closed again as Anthony began to pick up the pace very slowly. Azra kept a tight grip on his hair, moaning softly with each kiss the alpha pressed to his skin, and crying out with each gentle bite. His hips rocked and Anthony followed the direction, pushing in a little faster and causing Azra to moan happily, pleasure flooding through him, hand in hand with triumph as he realised he was actually doing it, he was actually being taken by an alpha and  _ enjoying _ it. 

"F-fuck! I l-love you!" He choked out, and Anthony chuckled, sitting up slightly, his hands bracing against the bed as he lengthened his thrusts, sliding further each time until he was nearly pulling out completely. Azra grabbed at the bed shakily, finding a grip on the sheets as he picked up the rhythm, rocking back into Anthony's pushes in, gasping and shuddering.

It was fluid and easy, and soon Anthony was leaning down again, speeding up, slamming into Azra with more force as he kissed his neck and collarbone, muttering words of praise and love in his ears. Azra arched his back and whimpered, and Anthony's hand slid down between them, causing Azra to twitch and cry out as those fingers found his cock. 

Anthony chuckled and began to rub in quick circles, matching the pace of those deep, hard thrusts, and causing Azra to completely dissolve under him, intense pleasure washing through him and scrubbing away all intelligent thought. 

"Ahh! A-Anthony!" He squealed, and Anthony grunted, his breath ragged in Azra's ear, his other hand finding one of Azra's and lacing their fingers. He pinned the hand up beside Azra's head and growled softly, his alpha scent all-encompassing now, driving Azra to rock back into his thrusts even harder. 

"Cum for me, angel," he ordered, and Azra jerked, the pleasure mounting and spilling over in seconds, his whole body tensing as he gasped and choked, his passage clenching rhythmically. Anthony groaned and rocked, pushing himself as deep as he could get as his own body shuddered, responding to Azra's scent and the movements of those strong muscles within him. 

Anthony collapsed onto his elbows, gasping for breath, his head dropping down beside Azra's as the omega laughed shakily, his hand finding Anthony's hair and stroking gently. 

"You okay?" 

"Mm, s'been a while," Anthony muttered softly, heaving himself up off of Azra's chest and sitting back with a sheepish smile. "I forgot how much work it is," he added, and Azra grinned, watching him stretch up and allowing himself to enjoy the view. 

"It is quite tiring," he answered, and Anthony chuckled, slipping from him carefully and pulling the condom off. He tied it quickly and slid off the bed, staggering a bit as he slipped into the bathroom to throw the condom away. 

"At least all you have to do is lay there," he teased as he walked back, and Azra sat up, rolling his eyes. 

"Sure. Can I have a kiss?"

Anthony nodded and walked over, smiling as he sat down beside his omega and kissed him delicately. "Of course. Are you feeling good? No tears this time," he commented, and Azra felt his cheeks flush as he looked down. 

"Yeah, I'm...I think I'm still not quite processing that we managed it," he admitted, leaning against Anthony's chest and feeling a strong arm wrap around him immediately. "I might cry later. But in a good way, y'know? I was always told I needed an alpha and after Gabriel...I felt so broken, I didn't think I was going to be able to have a relationship with an alpha again. And I know it's stupid and I know that I'd be perfectly happy with a beta or an omega or even on my own, I don't need an alpha, that's bullshit...but still, when people tell you that over and over, you start to think your life is over, y'know? A-and here I am, with you," Azra went on, sniffling a bit and then giggling. "Uh-oh, I am gonna cry, I guess. I just...I love you, Anthony. I can't imagine trusting anyone else like this, and I'm so lucky to have you," he said quickly, feeling his nose start to sting as the tears welled up. Anthony chuckled and cupped his face in both hands, planting a soft kiss on his forehead. 

"You are so so sweet, you know that?" He murmured, his voice sounding a little thick as he spoke, his thumbs stroking back and forth over Azra's soft skin. "You are not broken, you're stronger than anyone I know and I'm sure anyone I'll ever know. Okay? Don't forget that." 

Azra nodded, ignoring the tears as they spilled and ran down his cheeks, tears of joy and love and acceptance. He pressed himself into his alpha's arms and just sat there, being held and loved and allowing himself a moment to just soak it all up. 

And then Anthony gently began to pull away, stroking his hand over Azra's back lightly. "We should probably shower," he mumbled, and Azra nodded, heaving a deep sigh. 

Anthony stood up slowly and offered his hand to Azra, who took it carefully, smiling up at his partner. 

"You want to shower together?" He asked, and Anthony nodded, smiling shyly. 

"If you're up for it," he murmured, and Azra stood shakily, grabbing onto Anthony's arm for balance. 

"I'd love that," he admitted softly, and Anthony's smile widened, his arm slipping around Azra's waist. They walked to the bathroom together and Azra started the walk-in shower running, leaning back against the wall to wait. Anthony smiled at him and stepped forward, fingers curling under his jaw and tilting his head up slightly. 

"I love you." 

"I love you too," Azra said simply, unable to keep the happy smile off his face as he leaned into the touch and gazed up at Anthony's soft golden eyes. 

"Good," Anthony chuckled, then opened the shower door and gently pulled Azra in after him, grinning as he stepped under the water. Azra giggled softly and shut the door behind them, immediately finding himself tugged into a slow kiss, the hot water flowing over his skin, soothing his muscles as he leaned in to Anthony, his hands exploring those lean sides. 

Azra was the first to pull away, picking up the soap and shooting Anthony a sheepish little smile before starting to wash off, wanting to get rid of that sticky feeling. Anthony smiled at him, then turned away to pick up the shampoo, his scars glistening under the water, standing out even more than usual. 

Blinking, Azra found himself unable to look away, his heart beating a little faster in his chest as he realised what the scars looked like. They seemed to originate from Anthony's shoulders, spreading down and out across his back. In an odd, abstract way, they looked almost like a pair of wings, scribbled onto his back in raised scars. 

Without thinking, Azra reached out slowly and traced the tips of his fingers down one long, thick scar, his hand shaking ever so slightly. Anthony gave a small shiver, but didn't say anything, starting to rub shampoo into his hair while Azra moved closer, running a hand over that ridged skin. Then he closed his eyes and shifted even closer, his arms sliding around Anthony's waist, his cheek resting against the alpha's upper back as he relaxed. 

"You okay, sweetheart?" Anthony asked softly, and Azra just nodded, squeezing him a little tighter. "You mind if I just rinse quickly?" 

Reluctant, Azra let go of Anthony and turned away slightly, his cheeks a little warm. 

"Sorry," he mumbled, and Anthony frowned, reaching out to gently grab his wrist. 

"Hey. You didn't do anything wrong, angel," he soothed, and Azra managed a shaky smile, watching while Anthony tipped his head back, letting the water pour through his hair and rinse away all the soap. Water spilled over his back, accentuating that beautiful curve, and Azra couldn't help but just stand there and admire Anthony's stunning figure. He wanted to stay in that shower forever and just run his hands all over that perfect skin, kiss every inch of his alpha. 

Anthony finished rinsing and stepped forward, lightly slapping Azra's backside and chuckling when he jumped. "Wake up, angel," he teased, and Azra blinked in shock, then giggled softly. 

He retaliated as soon as Anthony turned away to steal some of his conditioner, and he delighted in the way the alpha twitched and laughed. 

Scars already completely forgotten, they grinned at each other and kissed softly, Azra's hand running down over Anthony's lower back and squeezing hard. Anthony gasped and slapped his hand away, and they both laughed and kissed and spent the rest of the shower trying to dodge each other in the small space, dancing around one another playfully. 

By the time they finally got out, Azra was exhausted, so he dried off, tugged some pajama trousers on, and climbed into bed, flopping down on his stomach happily. 

A hand slid over his back and Anthony joined him, laying down on his side and stroking Azra's hair slowly. 

"Would sir be requiring a cuddle tonight?" Anthony asked in a fake posh accent, causing Azra to snort and gently grab at his hand.

"Tonight and every night, get over here." 

Anthony chuckled and moved closer to Azra, humming contentedly as the omega pressed himself into that warm embrace, letting out a soft sigh. His eyelids fluttered closed, and he barely fell asleep; instead going from fully conscious to fully unconscious in about half a second, too exhausted to waste time drifting off. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! I hope you enjoyed this one! It's one of my favourites, it's so ridiculously sappy lol   
> Anyway, this has now officially hit over 100,000 words! Very exciting :)   
> I'm also adding another chapter here, which I should have done in time for the day after tomorrow, but if not, there might be a slight delay, but I promise I'll get it done ASAP!   
> <3<3


	29. Chapter Twenty Nine

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter contains: sexual content.

"Thanks for meeting me." 

Anthony leaned on the table, suddenly feeling nervous. He looked down at the mug of coffee in front of him, then glanced around the coffee shop, swallowing. 

"It's okay," he said at last, taking a deep breath. "You're his friend, I understand." 

Anathema smiled, tucking her hair back behind her ears and leaning back in her chair. "Well, he's more like my brother, really. We grew up together," she said quietly, and Anthony nodded, looking down at the table again. 

"Yeah, sorry." 

"Alright, relax," Anathema laughed, sitting forward again and gently rubbing Anthony's forearm. "This isn't an interrogation, hon. I promise. I just want to get to know you a bit more. How are you doing?" 

Anthony swallowed, a little surprised by the question. Then he nodded, smiling slightly. "Good, yeah. I feel like Azra has been settling into our relationship a bit more. It's making things easier, and everything else is going well. How are you?" 

Anathema shrugged, glancing down at the table. "I'm okay. Newt has been stressed lately, he lost his job to layoffs and he's looking for a new one, which is making home life a bit stressful, but we're managing."

Anthony nodded, looking down at his mug. "That's one good thing about being self-employed," he chuckled, and Anathema laughed as well, then went quiet for a moment. 

"Mm, I suppose you get easily distracted, though." 

"Yeah, I've been making a lot less since I met Azra," Anthony admitted, looking up again to meet Anathema's gaze. "I'd just always rather be with him and Emily than working, but I'm fitting in some stuff here and there. It'll be easier when I finish my degree and get a job with regular hours." 

"I can understand that. Spending a lot of time with him is working, though, he's absolutely head over heels for you, I can see that. He's told me that he wants you to be his mate one day," Anathema answered with a bright smile, her eyes searching Anthony's as she spoke. 

Anthony took another breath, relaxing slightly as he smiled, his chest warm with the knowledge of being loved so deeply. "Did he?" 

"Yes," she soothed, and he nodded slightly, curling his fingers around the handle of his mug. 

"He told me that, but...I...it feels different knowing he's told someone else, you know?"

"Yeah, I understand," Anathema smiled. "And he said you were fantastic about his heat. Made him feel comfortable and cared for." 

Anthony's lips twitched into a slightly shaky smile, his throat feeling a bit tight. "Good. He's going to stop taking suppressants." 

Anathema nodded, taking a sip from her own coffee. "How do you feel about that? Do you feel in control? I know it can be hard," she added sympathetically, and Anthony relaxed even further, giving himself a moment to think before answering. 

"Yeah, I'm glad. I want him to feel comfortable, and seeing him in that much pain was awful. I'm a little worried, but I'm going to get some suppressants for myself, just to take the edge off, you know?" 

Anathema raised her eyebrows, looking surprised. "Those are so hard to get." 

Anthony shrugged, flashing a wry smile. "With Ben, I managed to figure out all the right things to say to the doctor to get them," he admitted. "Ben needed me to take them, I needed to be fully, fully in control when he was really sick. If I even touched him a bit too much, it could hurt him, you know? One time I just gently grabbed him, wrapped my arm around his stomach, and he threw up, so.." Anthony drifted off into the memories briefly and Anathema reached out again, her fingers closing around his wrist comfortingly. 

"Is that why you're so careful with Azra? You're used to Ben?" 

Anthony shrugged, looking down and giving a soft sigh. "From the first moment I met Azra, I could tell how...fragile he was. Not in the same way, but...I could see his trauma, and I knew I had to be as careful with him as possible, and then I learned more and...and now I just don't want him hurt in any way, ever again," he said firmly, his voice cracking slightly as he tried to breathe through the emotion suddenly choking him. "I want him to feel safe." 

Anathema smiled, nodding, but just letting Anthony speak for now. 

"I had two mums, an alpha/omega pairing. My mother was very distant, cold. She um...well, after my birth mum passed, she became...she would get very angry very easily, and she ended up taking her own life. But before that, I was really close to my birth mum, and she was into all kinds of omega rights things. My mother basically just put up with it because she loved my mum, even if she wasn't good with me. So my mum taught me a lot of things about being an omega. She taught me how to take care of a partner, and how to be a sensitive alpha. I owe a lot to her," he admitted, a sad smile tugging at his lips. "And I've put a lot of what she taught me into practice, both with Ben and Azra." 

Anathema squeezed Anthony's wrist gently, her thumb stroking over his skin slowly, thoughtfully. "Have you told Azra much about Ben?" 

Anthony winced and shook his head. "I...I didn't think it would be a good idea. They were um...very different, and I wouldn't want Azra to feel inadequate or anything." 

Anathema blinked, then frowned slightly. "How so?" 

Anthony sighed and pulled his phone out of his pocket, going into his pictures and scrolling all the way down. He selected a picture of Ben from before his first round of chemotherapy, then handed the phone over to Anathema.

"Oh. Wow," she said quietly, and Anthony nodded, taking the phone back and looking down at the picture. Ben smiled back at him, those dark eyes bright, dark skin shiny and healthy. His figure was striking, lean and thin, but definitely still beautifully shaped, even under his loose clothing. 

Anthony swallowed and quickly exited the app, setting his phone down lightly. "I love Azra, and I think he's completely, utterly stunning, but they couldn't really be any more different," he pointed out with a soft, forced laugh. 

Anathema nodded, looking sympathetic. "Do you miss him?" 

"Every day," Anthony answered promptly and honestly, smiling sadly. "But I am happy with Azra, truly. I just...I miss Ben as the person he was rather than our relationship, if that makes sense. I don't miss companionship, because I have that with Azra, I have that love and that connection. Possibly deeper than I did with Ben, because I'm older and this relationship has taken a lot more work, but I'm still sad that Ben passed. And I'll always love him."

Anathema nodded slowly, her eyes slightly misty. "I can't imagine how hard it would be to lose Newt. But I'm glad Azra makes you happy. He really deserves it." 

Anthony nodded emphatically, taking a drink from his mug quickly. "Absolutely. There's not a thing about him I don't love, and if I could spend all day every day just sitting with him and cuddling with him and talking to him, I'd be delighted. But I'm really glad I have that experience with Ben under my belt," he added, fiddling with his fingers. "Azra isn't always easy to deal with, especially when he's thinking more like an omega than like himself." 

"That's the trouble with being an omega," Anathema sighed, shaking her head slightly. "Everyone always says that controlling your instincts as an alpha is harder, but that's been scientifically proven to be false, it's actually the other way around. It's almost impossible for omegas to go against their heats, and even urges to be submissive outside of heats can be very difficult to control. I was with an omega once who just couldn't really say no in sexual situations, simply because of her instincts, and she couldn't really admit when she was uncertain."

"Azra is a bit like that sometimes," Anthony said quietly, nodding slightly. "But it has more to do with his trauma, really. I have to ask before everything, just to make sure, you know?" 

Anathema smiled and nodded, resting her chin in her hand. "It would probably worry you how much he tells me," she chuckled, and Anthony blushed, looking down. 

"I'm just glad he has other people. I don't want him to feel he has to rely on me." 

"Yeah, I get you," Anathema answered thoughtfully. "He needs a good support network. It's hard for him, everything is. But I can tell things are getting easier with you around. He's more confident at work, even just things like going to the supermarket are better, because he knows he has you to fall back on. It's so good to see," she smiled, and Anthony took a drink from his mug to hide his embarrassment, the emotion rising in his throat. 

"I'm glad," he said simply, staring down at his coffee. "I wish alphas like us were more common."

"They're more common than people think," Anathema pointed out quietly. "But you're not wrong. And I wish people understood the differences between people as well. Like, the experience of female and male alphas is a lot more disparate than people think, and the same with female and male omegas. There's so many combinations, and then sexuality makes it even more complicated, and...I don't think society acknowledges that as much as it should. I used to wish all the time that Azra wasn't gay. I know it's silly, but I thought that maybe if he was attracted to women, he'd find a nice female alpha, because we tend to be a bit less intense. But he still would have had the same issues, I think. Just to a lesser extent." 

Anthony sighed, finishing off his coffee and setting the mug down. "I just want him happy." 

"He is, with you," Anathema replied firmly, flashing him a bright smile. "Honestly. Every time he talks about you, his face lights up, he's always so excited to tell me how you're doing. And he called me and cried at me the other day about his birthday. He had such a good time." 

Anthony blushed again, resting his chin in his hand. "I have to admit, I like hearing all of this. It makes me feel pretty good about myself," he chuckled, and Anathema laughed, smiling at him. 

"Good. If you ever need to talk about anything, just remember that I'm here, okay? I know some things, like Ben, are harder to talk to Azra about." 

Anthony nodded, wrapping both hands around his empty mug, feeling the still-warm porcelain. "Thank you." 

Anathema leaned her elbows on the table, her head tilted slightly. "So how's your degree going, anyway? Azra told me a bit about it, but not a whole lot." 

* * *

Anthony slipped his spare key out of his pocket, unlocking the door and stepping inside. The house was dark, so he took his shoes and coat off, then headed upstairs, carrying a shopping bag. 

He knocked on the bedroom door and heard a soft 'come in,' so he twisted the handle and slipped inside. Azra sat up sleepily, blinking at his partner. 

"Hey, were you asleep?" Anthony chuckled, and Azra rolled his eyes. 

"My nap after putting Em to bed got the better of me," he admitted, and Anthony walked over, sitting down on the edge of the bed beside him, running a hand over his thigh slowly. 

"How was your day?" 

"Good, how was getting interrogated by my sister?" Azra grinned, and Anthony kissed him, unable to resist that beautiful face any longer. 

"It was fun, actually. She was telling me all about how much you love me," he purred, and Azra giggled, reaching out to stroke his alpha's cheek. 

"Yeah? All lies then," he teased, and Anthony let his hand skim up Azra's thigh, then grip gently, fingers pressing into ample flesh. Azra gasped softly, then gave the quietest little moan, spreading his legs slightly. 

Anthony groaned and dove in, starting to kiss at Azra's neck lightly, mouthing at his skin. Azra gently dragged at him, and Anthony let the forgotten shopping bag fall from his fingers as he climbed onto the bed, starting to press Azra back. But Azra had other plans. 

It didn't take much effort to flip the surprised alpha onto his back, and Anthony stared up at his partner in shock as Azra leaned over him, grinning. 

"Hey." 

"Hey," Anthony chuckled, gently pulling at Azra's thighs. "I wanna touch you," he whined, and Azra purred, slipping his shirt off before leaning down further, his lips finding Anthony's neck. The alpha jolted slightly, moaning softly, his hand sliding up to tangle in Azra's hair gently. 

"Ahh...oh, Azra," he purred, the omega's hand slipping between Anthony's legs, fingertips trailing circles over his growing bulge. Anthony moaned again, and Azra grinned, squeezing sharply and causing the alpha to buck involuntarily. 

"Good," Azra purred, then suddenly faltered, his hand moving back up to Anthony's cheek. "Is this okay? I just...I.." 

"This is amazing, angel," Anthony breathed hurriedly, flashing his partner a reassuring smile. "But I'm happy to take charge if you'd rather not. I'm easy with whatever, my love." 

Azra seemed to think for a moment, then swallowed. "I...I like this, it's fun, but I think I'm a bit...tired. Could you..?" 

"Of course, beautiful. We don't have to do anything," Anthony added softly, and Azra bit his lip lightly. 

"When you said you wanted to come over, I um...I got a bit excited," he murmured, his cheeks flushed, and Anthony chuckled, running his hands up Azra's plush sides. 

"Good. How about you get undressed for me, angel? And I'll do the same," Anthony suggested, and Azra nodded, climbing off him carefully. Once they'd both stripped, Anthony gently guided Azra onto the bed, then climbed on with him, laying beside him to start with. Azra tried to roll onto his side, but Anthony gently stopped him, guiding his legs up instead. 

"That's it, angel. Good," Anthony praised softly, and Azra blushed, turning his head to stare into his partner's soft golden eyes. "You're absolutely beautiful, you know," Anthony began softly, stroking over the omega's chest and stomach slowly. "I love you, every part of you." 

Azra blushed and shifted closer, then pulled Anthony into a slow kiss. The alpha smiled into it, trailing his hand lower, over Azra's thigh, grabbing handfuls gently and enjoying the way Azra gasped. Then he slid his hand up again, and in, over Azra. 

Whimpering, Azra bucked into the touch, already slick and needy, his body shuddering. Anthony found his cock easily and began to rub slowly, playing with it between his fingers and enjoying the strangled sounds Azra made while trying to maintain the gentle kiss. Anthony slowly climbed over him, keeping his hand on him, fingers working gently, lips still locked, then finally pulled away. Azra threw his head back, his spine arching, his body shuddering, and Anthony ducked down, lips closing around one soft nipple and starting to suck lightly. Azra whined, and Anthony let his fingers slip, dipping lower and into his partner, spreading him open, three fingers pressing deep. 

"Ahhh! Fuck!" Azra cried, and Anthony purred, loving every sound his angel made. 

He pulled off the omega's nipple, his other hand sliding down and beginning to play with Azra's cock while he thrust his fingers, the sound of Azra's heavy breathing filling the room. 

"A-Anthony!" He whimpered, and the alpha chuckled, stopping all at once and causing Azra to curse loudly. 

"Ah-ah, naughty," Anthony growled, and Azra giggled, reaching up and pulling him down into a soft kiss. 

"Shut up, you," he grinned, and Anthony laughed, reaching around him to open the bedside drawer. 

"You ready?" 

"Mhm," Azra hummed contentedly, and Anthony smiled, rolling a condom on hurriedly and smoothing lube over himself before lining up. Azra tangled his fingers in his alpha's soft hair, legs falling open, his lips parted in anticipation. 

"Ready?" 

He nodded, and Anthony began to press forward, careful and gentle, his achingly hard cock sinking into the omega's warmth, the sensation of that hot passage around him making him moan out softly. 

"You feel so good," Azra murmured shakily, smiling as he stroked the alpha's cheek, his eyes foggy with pleasure and happiness. 

"Good," Anthony replied simply, flashing his angel a smile before pushing a little harder, the rest of his length sliding up into that slick entrance. Azra moaned softly, fingers scrabbling on Anthony's back, but the alpha was already leaning down, his face buried in his angel's neck, his hips rolling, thrusting, slow and gentle, and, above all, loving. He slid his hand down immediately, pressing desperate, sloppy kisses to the omega's neck as he rubbed over his cock, trying to stimulate his partner as much as possible. Azra moaned out shakily, grabbing handfuls of Anthony's hair, his body rocking, his chest heaving. Anthony could tell by his pattern of breathing, by his shaky cries, that his partner was already completely lost in the pleasure, so he kept thrusting, speeding up just slightly, his fingers moving quickly, all his focus on his partner's orgasm. 

And Anthony wasn't disappointed. It only took Azra a couple of minutes to cum, squealing as his legs wrapped around the alpha, pulling him deep, Azra's body twitching and convulsing as he whimpered and shook and sobbed. Anthony grinned breathlessly, going still and just stroking Azra's cock gently, until the omega finally relaxed, his eyes shut, his smile faint. 

"Angel? You okay?" Anthony asked gently, and Azra's bright blue eyes opened, awash with pleasure and drowsiness. 

"Mm, so good," he mumbled, and Anthony chuckled, carefully sliding from him and sorting the condom out before stroking his hair slowly. 

"Good," Anthony murmured simply, and Azra frowned, shaking his head slightly and reaching for his partner. 

"You didn't.." 

"I'm okay, I just-"

"No, I want you to cum," Azra insisted softly, his hand closing around Anthony's wrist, pulling him back gently. "Please?" 

Anthony sighed and gave in, smiling down at his partner as he moved closer, then gently grabbed Azra's hips, guiding him to sit on the edge of the bed and lay back, legs up and spread. Then Anthony got a towel and knelt on it, wasting no time before diving in. 

Azra cried out, his back arching up as Anthony began to suck at his cock, two fingers pressing into that hot, slick entrance while Anthony reached down and wrapped his hand around his own aching length. He shuddered, moaning around Azra's shaft, struggling to lap at it rhythmically while stroking himself to the sound of his partner's desperate moans. 

Azra wriggled, then sat up suddenly, his hand sliding over the back of Anthony's head, guiding him, stroking, caressing. His moans were louder now, needy, his hips rocking, and the sound was driving Anthony insane, his hand moving faster now, stroking quickly. He moaned around Azra, then suddenly stopped, his orgasm hitting him hard, ripping through him as he came onto the towel. Azra whimpered and reached down, stroking himself a few times quickly, his fingers working over his own cock for just a few moments before he came again, collapsing back onto the bed while his hips twitched. Anthony dove in hurriedly, lapping at him, cleaning him up while easing him through his orgasm. Then he stood up and climbed over his partner, grinning as he kissed him, pinning him to the bed gently. Azra giggled softly and kissed back eagerly, chasing it as Anthony pulled away to just gaze down at his beautiful partner. 

"I love you, y'know," he announced, and Azra laughed, kissing him again. 

"I know. Let's go clean up, I want a cuddle." 

A few minutes later, they were falling into bed together, cuddling up immediately, their legs tangled together. Azra pressed his cheek to Anthony's chest, his head tucked just under the alpha's chin, and Anthony hummed contentedly, stroking his partner's hair slowly. 

"I love you, y'know," he murmured, thinking about everything Anathema had said, thinking about Azra's love for him. A rush of emotion made him clutch the omega tighter, and Azra let out a soft, comfortable sigh. 

"I love you too," he answered, his hand running over Anthony's waist, up his back. "Sleep here, with me?" 

"Of course," Anthony purred, then suddenly remembered the shopping bag. "Shit, I um...brought you something," he chuckled, shifting slightly. "But uh...I forgot to give it to you, because.." he trailed off and Azra snorted sleepily, pressing closer to his alpha. 

"Mm, tell me what it is now and you can give it to me in the morning, I'm far too comfy to move." 

Anthony smiled to himself and squeezed Azra tightly, knowing he didn't want to let go either. "I just...after talking with Anathema, I felt a bit emotional, so I got you some chocolates and some flowers, that's all." 

Azra snorted again and trailed his fingertips up and down the alpha's spine slowly. "You sappy thing. I love you, you know. So, so much." 

"I know," Anthony smiled, burying his face in his omega's hair and holding him as tightly as he could. "I love you just as much, angel." 

Azra hummed happily, pressing himself impossibly closer to Anthony before starting to drift off, his body relaxing into his alpha's grip as exhaustion took over and he fell asleep. Anthony smiled to himself and closed his eyes, slowly following his partner into unconsciousness. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! I hope you enjoyed this chapter, I'm sorry it took a couple extra days, I had to finish writing it! To make up for it taking a bit longer, I'll post the next one tomorrow <3   
> Also! Good news - the first chapter of Magpie is up if you haven't seen it! There's a beautiful illustration I commissioned with it as well, and for now it's just going to stay as the one chapter until I've finished posting this story, but I'm working very hard on more!   
> I hope everyone is doing okay with the big panic at the moment <3<3


	30. Chapter Thirty

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter contains: panic attacks, current drug misuse.

Anthony arrived at the pub and parked just as he saw Azra's car pull in across the parking lot, so he got out of the car hurriedly and walked over, shoving his hands in his coat pockets. 

Azra's door opened and Anthony smiled to himself as the omega stepped out, loving the way he looked in his pharmacy uniform. Then those blue eyes looked up from his phone and locked onto Anthony, and the smile that spread across his face melted Anthony's heart. 

Azra hurried up to his partner and Anthony embraced him quickly, a rush of love and happiness making his whole being feel fizzy and excitable. 

"I missed you," he confessed softly, and Azra giggled, pulling away and looking up at him with slightly flushed cheeks. 

"I saw you the day before yesterday," he pointed out, and Anthony simply shrugged, biting his lip lightly. 

"So? I still missed you," he murmured, and Azra leaned in, planting a soft kiss on Anthony's cheek. 

"Well, I missed you, so I suppose that makes us even," Azra announced, and Anthony smiled, gently taking his hand and squeezing it tightly. 

"Good. Shall we go in?" He suggested, and Azra nodded, flashing him a bright, happy smile as they started to walk towards the pub's door. 

As soon as they stepped inside, however, Anthony's heart sank. The pub was packed and noisy, and as he looked around, he realised there was some kind of sporting event on again, most likely football. He glanced back at his partner and was horrified to see that Azra had gone pale, almost white, his eyes wide. 

Anthony acted quickly, gently pushing Azra backwards, guiding him back through the door and out into the fresh air. Unfortunately, it wasn't fast enough, and Azra was already struggling to breathe, his whole body shaking. 

"Come here, it's alright," Anthony said softly, and Azra fell into his arms immediately, clinging to him as he trembled. "That's it, sweetheart," Anthony went on, struggling to keep the concern out of his voice as he spoke. "Deep breaths for me, my love. In one, two, three, out...there you go. You're okay, you're safe, I promise," he murmured as Azra began to calm down already, his breathing beginning to even out, his grip on Anthony loosening slightly. Then he gently started to pull away, not quite meeting Anthony's gaze. 

"I'm sorry, we can...we can go back in," he mumbled, and Anthony snorted. 

"No we can't, angel." 

"But you...you wanted to have a date," Azra protested softly, his eyes hopeful as they lifted to meet Anthony's gaze. The alpha sighed, leaning in to kiss his cheek and pulling him close again as he silently raged against everyone who had ever hurt his partner. 

"Your mental health is more important than my arbitrary desires, angel," Anthony said firmly. "Let's just go back to yours and have a relax, maybe watch a movie or something." 

Azra melted into Anthony's chest, relief obvious in the way he gently clutched at the alpha's coat. "I'd like that," he said softly, and Anthony held him tighter for a moment, then reluctantly let go. 

"Alright. I'll follow you home, yeah?" 

Azra nodded and quickly turned, hurrying back to his car. Anthony watched him go with a slight smile on his face, then walked back to the Bentley. 

* * *

When they got back, Anthony took Emily upstairs while Azra paid the babysitter, just to save some time. 

"Is Daddy going to read to me?" Emily asked petulantly as Anthony squeezed toothpaste onto her toothbrush, and he smiled to himself. 

"I expect so," he answered, handing the toothbrush over and watching her carefully as she started to brush. Once she was finished, he helped her rinse the toothbrush, then herded her to her bedroom, helping her with her pajamas. 

"You don't like me reading to you anymore, then?" Anthony asked while she pulled her pajama shirt on, struggling with it slightly. 

"Well, Daddy's been reading me a long book," she explained, stepping into her trousers when Anthony held them out for her. "And I like hearing him read the long book, because he knows the characters." 

Anthony nodded, stroking her hair lightly and making the bed before watching her crawl in, her stuffed bunny clenched under one arm. "I'll go get him, okay?" 

Emily nodded and Anthony kissed her forehead before getting up and slipping out of the room. He found Azra going through bills in the kitchen and kissed him softly before telling him that Emily wanted him. Azra rolled his eyes, but smiled and headed upstairs, so Anthony wandered into the living room and turned the TV on. After a while, his back started to ache again, a sharp, stabbing pain every time he shifted, so he got up carefully and went into the kitchen, pouring himself a glass of water. He popped a pill from a sheet and put it into his palm, swallowing it with a gulp of the water and nearly choking when the silence was broken. 

"What are you taking?" 

Azra's voice was sharp and suspicious, and Anthony winced, shoving the sheet back into his pocket before turning around to see Azra standing in the doorway. 

"Just...painkillers," he answered vaguely, biting the inside of his cheek as he waited to see if his partner would pick up on his nerves. 

Azra folded his arms over his chest, his expression making Anthony's heart sink. "Yeah? Which ones?" 

Anthony gave him a pleading look and Azra sighed, shaking his head slightly.

"If you can't answer that, then I'm going to have to ask you to leave," he said flatly, and Anthony winced, shaking his head slightly. 

"Look, they're hydrocodone, but they're half the dose, and I only take two a day," he rushed out, and Azra stared at him for a moment, his eyes wet. 

"You swear that's all you're taking?" 

Anthony nodded hurriedly and stepped forward, slipping the sheet out of his pocket and showing it to Azra. "I swear, angel. I can't get by with just the new ones, they barely make a dent." 

Azra took the sheet from him, studying it for a moment before lifting his gaze to Anthony's slowly. "You didn't tell me it was this bad." 

"I didn't want you to worry," Anthony murmured, suddenly able to breathe again as Azra handed the sheet back to him. "About my pain or about me taking these again. I want you to trust me." 

"So you lie to me?" Azra snapped, then shook his head slightly, his cheeks flushing. "Sorry, that was...that wasn't helpful. I need you to go back to the doctor, Anthony. Because this is a slippery slope as it is and you've poured oil onto it. A small dose like this is fine, it'll work fine until you build up a tolerance and have to keep taking more and more and land yourself back in hospital," he went on, his voice getting strained and tearful as he gently took Anthony's hand. "I...I don't understand why you wouldn't tell me you were struggling." 

Anthony stared at Azra in shock - this wasn't the reaction he'd been expecting, he'd expected shouting or a panic attack, but here Azra was, pleading with him, on the verge of tears. 

"Fuck...I'm so sorry," Anthony breathed, his heart shattering as a tear spilled down Azra's cheek, those blue eyes awash. "I didn't...it's not because I don't trust you or want to talk to you, I just...I was scared of upsetting you or frightening you," he continued softly, moving closer to Azra and resting a hand on his cheek lightly. Azra gazed up at him, trembling ever so slightly as he tried to blink away the tears. 

"I wish you'd told me, Anthony. I want you to tell me things, I want us to be close," Azra murmured, and Anthony nodded quickly, opening his arms and letting out a soft, relieved sigh when Azra hugged him tightly.

"Me too, I'm sorry. I promise I'll tell you everything from now on," he soothed, and Azra nodded, fingers curling against Anthony's back. 

"Good." 

"I love you," Anthony said tentatively, and went weak at the knees when he heard the quiet echo, muffled by his chest, but still perfectly audible. 

"I love you, too." 

* * *

Anthony was smiling as he drove, a bouquet on the passenger seat beside him, his fingers tapping on the steering wheel. He'd just been to a specialist about his back and, along with the flowers, was bringing some good news home to Azra. He couldn't help but feel buzzy and excited, ready to wrap his partner up in a hug and celebrate with him, and as soon as he was parked, he was out of the car and up the steps. 

Unlocking the door took a moment, as his spare key was a little old and sticky, but he eventually got it open and immediately kicked his shoes off, hanging up his coat. 

"Angel?" 

Anthony paused, waiting for a reply, then checked the kitchen before slipping into the living room. He found Azra on the sofa, his face buried in his hands, his shoulders shaking slightly. 

Anthony nearly dropped the flowers, but managed to set them on the armchair carefully before sitting down next to his partner. 

"Azra? What's wrong, sweetheart?" He asked softly, tentatively, and then noticed the letter on the coffee table. He picked it up carefully, rubbing slow circles into Azra's back as he read. Then he set it aside and stroked Azra's hair carefully, letting out a deep sigh. 

"She's going to be an omega, huh?" He murmured, and Azra finally looked up, his eyes wide with worry and fear, and swimming with tears. 

"I-I'm so scared for her!" He gasped, and Anthony nodded, his chest feeling tight and weighted down. 

"I know, angel, I know," he sighed, opening his arms and breathing out in relief as Azra grabbed at him, unfolding enough to press himself into Anthony's chest. "I know it's scary, sweetheart. And you were right, I'm glad you got her tested, because now you can raise her the right way and help her learn about herself. I know you can do this, Azra," Anthony went on confidently, squeezing his partner tightly and pressing a kiss to the side of his head. "You're the best parent I've ever met, and I know you'll take care of her. And I'll be right here to support you."

Azra nodded slightly, trembling as Anthony rubbed his back gently, holding him as close as possible. "Th-thank you...I needed to hear that," he mumbled, and Anthony smiled sadly, squeezing him again. 

"You're always welcome, angel. I'm always here for you, I promise," he murmured, then leaned over quickly, picking up the bouquet from the armchair and handing it over to Azra. 

Azra managed a soft giggle through his tears, looking down as he held the flowers in his lap, playing lightly with a rose petal. "You're far too sweet, Anthony," he smiled, leaning his head against the alpha's chest lightly. 

"Nah, you deserve it," Anthony chuckled, reaching up to fix Azra's curls gently. "I actually have some good news, if-" 

"Oh God, please," Azra laughed, tipping his head back to kiss the underside of Anthony's jaw. "I could do with some." 

Anthony sighed softly and ran his hand down the omega's side, feeling those familiar curves. "The specialist says that I would be a good candidate for a new surgery. They've had really good success rates and I'm likely to have a massive reduction in my pain, to the point where I hopefully won't have to take any meds anymore." 

Azra blinked, staring up at him in shock. "What, really? Holy fuck, that's...that's great news!" 

Anthony nodded, then pulled a face. "I mean, they need to monitor my heart for a while longer to make sure the anesthetic wouldn't cause me any issues, and the recovery would be pretty awful, but it's doable. And it would be worth it, I think," he added, then sighed, running his fingers through Azra's hair again. "I'd need help. A lot of help." 

Azra gently ran a hand down Anthony's chest, tucking his head underneath the alpha's chin. "I'll be here, Anthony. I think you should do it."

Anthony was quiet for a moment, then nodded, squeezing Azra gently. 

"I'll think more about it, sweetheart. I think we'd need to pick a good time for it, you know? Now, what would make you feel better? Have you eaten?" 

Azra shifted, then heaved a sigh and gave a small shrug. "I don't remember." 

"Well, that's probably a no, then," Anthony chuckled humourlessly, gently starting to push Azra away from him. "Let me make you something, what do you want?" 

Azra groaned softly, shaking his head slightly. "I'm not that hungry, really, I just-" 

"Did you have breakfast?" Anthony prompted gently and Azra winced, shaking his head slightly. 

"I didn't have time." 

Anthony nodded and leaned in, pressing a soft kiss to Azra's forehead. "Don't worry about it, okay? Come on, what would you like?" 

Azra sighed, but managed a small smile, looking down at the flowers in his lap. "I think we have pizza-making stuff." 

"Perfect, you can come help me," Anthony encouraged quietly, standing up and offering Azra his hand. 

Azra rolled his eyes, but took it, standing up and leaning into Anthony's chest. "Alright, but I need a kiss for compensation." 

Chuckling, Anthony tilted Azra's chin up gently, then pressed a soft kiss to his cheek. 

"Stop teasing," Azra whined, and Anthony grinned, slipping his arm around the omega's waist and pulling him closer before finally kissing him. 

Azra's hand slid into his hair and Anthony's heart leapt in his chest, the way it had when they'd first kissed and every time after that. He pulled his angel a little deeper, feeling those gentle fingers curling in his hair. Azra pulled away first, his cheeks a little pink, his smile bright and happy. 

"You always cheer me up, y'know," he purred, and Anthony smiled softly, leaning down to kiss him again, just a brief little peck. 

"Good. Let's go make some dinner, yeah?" 

Azra nodded and Anthony took his hand gently, starting to lead him towards the kitchen. He followed happily and leaned against the counter, watching while Anthony got everything out of the fridge. 

"Do you think I should consider private school?" Azra asked, just as Anthony was getting the cheese grater out of the cupboard. He set it on the counter and looked over at his partner, frowning slightly. 

"You're gonna have to give me a bit more context here, angel," he said quietly, and Azra smiled weakly, looking away. 

"I um...I mean for Emily. I don't...I don't know if maybe it would make her safer." 

Anthony leaned down and turned the oven on, then walked over to Azra, brushing a couple of soft curls back from his forehead. "I don't know, sweetheart. I don't know if separating her from alphas would be best in the long run. I understand you want to keep her safe, but...but maybe she should experience being around alphas before she leaves the comparative safety of school?" He murmured, then bit his lip and went on quickly. "I'm genuinely asking, angel, I...as you said before, I don't know what growing up as an omega is like, so I...I can't really say." 

Azra heaved a sigh and buried his face in his hands, shaking his head. "I have no idea, Anthony. I just...I-I don't know," he whimpered, his voice breaking, and Anthony quickly pulled him into a tight hug. 

"Shh, angel, deep breaths. We don't need to figure it all out tonight, okay? We have, what? Six years at least? There's no need for a polished, finished plan tonight, I promise. We can talk through it more over the next few days, we need to give it time to sink in and everything." 

Nodding shakily, Azra began to pull away, sniffing. "Sorry, I just...I'm really overwhelmed," he admitted, and Anthony clicked his tongue, turning away to open the pre-packaged pizza dough. 

"I think it's only natural. Get me the flour, love. Let's distract you for a bit," he said firmly, and Azra sighed, but obeyed, opening the cupboard and taking down the bag of flour. He spread some over the counter, then flicked some at Anthony, who chuckled and retaliated by pressing his hand into the flour and then slapping Azra's backside, leaving a white handprint on his black jeans. 

"Bastard!" Azra giggled, and Anthony just grinned, handing his partner the rolling pin. 

"Take it out on the dough, I'll grate the cheese." 

To Anthony's boundless satisfaction, Azra seemed to relax even more, joking around with Anthony and helping him cook, occasionally kissing his cheek or grabbing his hand. By the time they'd eaten and finished getting ready for bed, Azra seemed much happier, and Anthony pulled him into a cuddle as soon as they were both in bed. Azra purred softly and pressed himself as close as he could get to his partner, Anthony's arm tightening around him instinctively.

Neither of them said anything, neither of them felt that anything needed to be said, and they drifted off together, content in each other's warmth. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! The promised second chapter! I've been busy today, so it's technically not been posted on Saturday as it's past midnight lol but I'll still post another one on Monday.  
> Let me know how you liked this one! <3


	31. Chapter Thirty One

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter contains: sexual content, panic attacks, brief mention of blood.   
> But I promise that it's mostly cute <3

On Friday, Azra took the afternoon off work and picked Emily up from school early, taking her to pick out some ice cream from the store and then home. 

Anthony was waiting on the doorstep for them, and stood up when Azra helped Emily out of the car. 

"My key finally gave up on working," he chuckled, his cheeks going a little pink as Azra walked up to him, holding Emily's hand tightly. 

"I'll get one cut tomorrow," he murmured, handing his keys over to his partner and smiling as Anthony turned away to unlock the door. Once they were all inside, Azra helped Emily untie her shoes and told her to go get bowls and spoons ready, then stood up and quickly grabbed onto Anthony, who hugged him tightly, his fingers immediately tangling in Azra's curls. 

"It's going to be okay, angel," Anthony soothed, his voice as soft and reassuring as ever. Azra heaved a sigh and pressed himself even closer to Anthony, shivering slightly. 

"I know. I just...it's hard," he mumbled, and the alpha nodded, squeezing him lightly. 

"I get it. Let's get it done, yeah?" 

"Yeah." 

Azra let Anthony lead him into the kitchen, hanging back slightly while the alpha helped Emily dish out three bowls of ice cream. He handed one to Azra, who swallowed and took a deep breath, following his partner and his daughter to the table. 

He sat down slowly and poked at his ice cream lightly, his heart feeling heavy in his chest. 

"Em, your Daddy has something he wants to tell you," Anthony prompted gently, and Azra looked up into those golden eyes across the table, feeling Anthony's foot brush his ankle. 

"Yeah," he forced out, turning to face Emily as he took a deep breath. A curious blue gaze pinned him immediately, and he swallowed again. "You know how there are omegas and betas and alphas, right?" 

Emily nodded, tilting her head slightly. "Yeah, like Newt is a beta and Auntie Ana and Anthony are alphas, right?" 

Azra nodded, and Anthony reached across the table, gently squeezing Azra's scarred wrist. "That's right, baby. And I'm an omega, you know that. I um...well, remember when we went to that special doctor and you had a blood test?" 

Emily blinked, then nodded slightly, her ice cream melting unregarded in the bowl. 

"Well, I decided to have you tested to find out your gender early," Azra pressed on gently, Anthony's thumb stroking back and forth over the back of his hand. "I wanted to know so I can be ready and be able to give you the best advice. And I got the results this week. You're an omega, like me," he said quietly, having to force the cheerful tone to his voice. 

Emily's eyes went wide, a slight smile spreading across her face. "I'm gonna be just like you," she breathed, and Azra winced, nodding slightly. 

"That's right, Em," Anthony cut in softly, squeezing Azra's wrist briefly. "But you should keep it private for now, okay?"

"Yeah, he's right, love," Azra added, smiling at her sadly. "Being an omega is...it's great. You're much more likely to be able to have your own kids, for a start, but unfortunately...the world isn't that friendly to omegas in terms of laws and things. There are people out there who might try to take advantage of you, so it's best to not tell anyone until you hit puberty, when your body starts to change. Do you understand?" 

Emily nodded again, her eyes still wide with surprise. 

"Do you have any questions?" Anthony prompted gently, and Emily looked at him, frowning slightly. 

"I...I don't know. Will I have heats and things?" 

"Yes," Azra confirmed softly, reaching over the corner of the table to hold her hand gently. "They'll probably start when you're between twelve and fourteen."

Emily looked down into her bowl and poked at her ice cream slightly. "I'll have to have an alpha one day, right?" 

"Not necessarily," Anthony murmured, and Azra felt a burst of warmth in his chest, his gaze softening as he watched his partner talk. "You can be with whoever makes you happiest." 

Azra squeezed Emily's hand lightly, stroking his thumb over her knuckles. "You can ask us anything you like at any point, okay? I know this is a big thing, but it won't really affect you until you're much older. Do you feel okay about it?" 

Emily appeared to consider this for a few moments, then nodded. "Yeah. I wanna be an omega like you, Daddy," she said softly, and Azra's breath caught in his throat as she gave him an adoring look. 

"I love you," he murmured, and she smiled that innocent, sweet little smile.

"I love you too, Daddy." 

* * *

For the rest of the afternoon, they played games and did some drawing, then settled down with some takeout and a movie before finally putting Emily to bed without too much fuss. Once she was sorted, Azra and Anthony got into bed together, sitting side by side with their backs against the headboard while Anthony flicked through Netflix. 

"She's going to be alright, isn't she?" Azra asked after a while, and Anthony hummed agreement, pulling the blankets up over their legs.

"Yeah. She's a smart kid, and she listens to you really well," he soothed, this reassurance enough to allow Azra to relax, his head dropping onto Anthony's shoulder comfortably. 

"Thank you for helping out," he murmured, and Anthony squeezed his waist lightly. 

"Of course, anytime." 

Azra smiled to himself and settled back, helping Anthony select another rather shitty romcom and cuddling a little closer to his partner. 

After a few minutes, Anthony spoke up, his head resting comfortably against Azra's. "You know...your heat is coming up soon," he said slowly, and Azra stiffened slightly. "Your first heat off suppressants," Anthony went on, his voice gentle. "I know we talked about claiming before, and you were worried because...because we hadn't had sex.." 

He trailed off and Azra closed his eyes for a moment, letting out a slow breath. An image of the faded but still visible mark on his neck swam into his mind's eye, a sudden feeling of hatred boiling in his stomach. He could replace that mark at long last, displace it with one made out of love and caring. 

Azra took another deep breath, his hand finding Anthony's and lacing their fingers. "I...I'd like that," he admitted quietly. "I'd like to feel that...that connection again, with a proper relationship. And it would make me feel safer, knowing other alphas could tell I'm yours." 

Anthony pressed a soft kiss to the top of Azra's head, his touch sweet and tender. "I can hear a 'but' coming," he prompted, and Azra gave a quiet chuckle as he nodded. 

"Yeah...it's not a big one. It's just that I don't want to do it tonight, I feel like I need time to prepare in my mind," he explained slowly, and Anthony nodded. 

"I can understand that. And I think maybe it would be best if Emily could spend a night at Anathema's for when we do decide to do it, just in case you get upset," he pointed out quietly, and Azra felt a sudden shiver of excitement run up his spine as the whole thing suddenly started to feel very real.

"I'll ask when she's free," he hummed, turning his head to press a soft kiss to the side of Anthony's neck. "I love you." 

"Mm, I love you too." 

Azra sat for a moment, enjoying the quiet, then let out a small sigh and pressed himself a little closer into Anthony's side. "I've been thinking about things." 

"Yeah? What things?" Anthony smiled, and Azra rolled his eyes, running his hand over the alpha's thigh under the blankets. 

"About your surgery. I was um...well, I was thinking that maybe you should move in. With me," he said quietly, nerves fluttering in his stomach, his gaze not quite meeting Anthony's. Silence followed, and he rushed to fill it, his heartbeat quick and loud in his ears. "I mean, then I could help you with the recovery, a-and you practically live here anyway, I just-" 

"Shh, angel," Anthony interrupted gently, leaning in to press a soft kiss to Azra's flushed cheek. "Calm down. I'd love to, I was just surprised that you'd offer. I'm very glad you trust me enough for this." 

Warmth and buzzing excitement flowed through Azra, and he giggled quietly, grabbing at Anthony's jaw to pull him into a quick, loving kiss. "Thank God," he grinned, and Anthony chuckled, resting his hand on Azra's cheek and running his thumb over one soft cheekbone. "I really want to do this," Azra admitted quietly. "I know it seems quite soon, but I just...I love having you here with me, Anthony. I miss you whenever you're not here, and I...I don't want to have to miss you anymore." 

"Me neither," Anthony purred, squeezing Azra even closer and nuzzling the side of his head. "I can't wait." 

"We should probably talk to Emily first, just to make sure," Azra hummed, his fingers curling slightly against Anthony's thigh. "I wouldn't want to upset her." 

"Yeah, you're right," Anthony smiled, kissing Azra's temple again lightly. "I'm so proud of you, y'know. My brave angel." 

Azra blushed, but smiled, letting his head fall onto Anthony's shoulder and closing his eyes slowly. "Thank you." 

* * *

The next evening, Azra dropped Emily off at Anathema's for a sleepover, thanking Anathema profusely. She walked him out to his car, leaning against it while he stood, his keys dangling from his fingers. 

"Are you sure about this?" 

Azra looked at her for a moment, then smiled. "Yeah. I'm not sure how I'm going to react or how it's going to go, but I am sure that I want it. I want to be his, and I know it's right for me." 

Anathema returned the smile and gently pulled him into a loose hug. "Good. I'm really happy for you." 

Azra hugged her back tightly for a few moments, then gently broke away, a slight blush gracing his cheeks. "Thank you. I'll come by before lunch tomorrow."

"Okay. Text me in the morning so I know you're okay." 

"Will do." 

By the time Azra got home, he was nervous and excited in equal measure, his heart thudding in his chest as he unlocked the front door. They'd gone all the way a few more times since their first, but this was a new first, and a big one. An irreversible change.

Azra kicked his shoes off and called out to his partner, but got no answer, so he checked the kitchen and living room before heading upstairs. As he reached the landing, he could see light filtering out through the open bedroom door, unsteady and wavering. 

"Are you being soppy again?" He called, slipping through the door and finding Anthony struggling to light the last candle. 

He'd gone all out again, this time with a new set of black lingerie that mimicked a corset, laced at the sides and perfectly accentuating his long waist. He set the candle aside hurriedly and turned, moving effortlessly in the four inch black heels. 

"Jesus Anthony," Azra grinned, looking down at himself and his baggy t-shirt and sweatpants combination. "You look stunning." 

Anthony blushed and gave a little shrug, walking up to Azra and cupping his face in both hands. "I thought maybe it might make you more comfortable, like our first," he murmured, smiling ever so slightly. This close up, Azra could see the eyeliner gracing his beautiful eyes, the light shade of lipstick complimenting his features perfectly. 

"You need to dress up for me more often," Azra said softly, reaching up and tucking Anthony's hair back. "Honestly. And I don't mean lingerie, exclusively, I just...you look so beautiful, Anthony," he smiled, his heart swelling as the alpha's blush darkened. 

"I just...I didn't want to confuse Emily or anything," he mumbled, and Azra leaned up on his toes, planting a loving kiss on Anthony's cheek. 

"We can explain it to her together. She'll understand, I'm sure."

"I'd like that," Anthony admitted softly, his voice a little emotional, and Azra smiled, brushing his knuckles over Anthony's perfect jawline. 

"I love you. And I really, really want to do this. I want to be marked," he murmured, and Anthony nodded, pulling away to take his heels off, then leaning down and kissing his partner softly, just a brief, chaste kiss. 

"I love you too. But try not to think of it any differently, okay? We're just having a lovely, romantic evening together. There's no point in getting nervous or anything until it happens." 

"I'll try," Azra answered softly, and Anthony stroked his cheek lightly.

"Good. Now I would love to see you without those clothes," he purred, and Azra blushed, but laughed quietly and slipped his shirt and sweats off, folding them neatly and leaving his underwear on for the moment. Anthony grinned and pulled him close, pressing a soft kiss to the side of his head. 

"You are so, so beautiful," he murmured, and Azra blushed, gently pulling away from his grip. 

"I need you," he admitted quietly, and Anthony nodded, watching eagerly as Azra slipped his underwear off and kicked them away, a dark blush rising to his cheeks already. He stood for a moment, then smiled and made his way towards the bed, climbing up and laying back, watching Anthony while he took the stockings off carefully. Then he walked over, getting onto the bed beside Azra and running a hand down his chest slowly.

"I love you, angel," Anthony purred, and Azra grinned, drawing his knees up and spreading his legs. 

"I love you too," he answered softly, and Anthony hummed happily, leaning over him and pulling him into a slow, gentle kiss. Azra let his legs fall even wider, a burning need growing in his stomach, a need to be filled and fucked and sated. He was used to Anthony now, his mind and body accustomed to expecting nothing but pleasure from their times in the bedroom, and he could feel the cool air on his wet folds, reminding him how empty he felt. 

Anthony drew the kiss a little deeper and Azra rolled his hips up against Anthony's, feeling the slight bulge there and gasping ever so softly. The need grew, pounding in the back of his mind, and as Anthony's hand trailed down his chest and stomach, he almost stopped breathing. Two fingers plunged into him without hesitation and he threw his head back, bucking up into the sensation. 

"Fuck! Anthony!" Azra cried out, and the alpha chuckled, curling his fingers, rubbing up, and delighting in the way Azra jerked and twitched. 

"Is that good, angel?" He purred, and Azra moaned obscenely, his eyes rolling back, his mouth hanging open. 

Anthony smirked to himself and slipped his fingers free, Azra's hands immediately going to the clips on Anthony's corset as those fingers moved upwards, finding the omega's cock easily. Azra whimpered, but rocked into the touch, managing to undo the last clip and tossing the corset away, his hands running up and over the alpha's chest needily. Then he suddenly made a decision and pulled Anthony down into a deep kiss, giving himself enough leverage to flip him over, straddling his hips immediately. Anthony gasped in shock, but grinned, his chest heaving as Azra pinned his wrists up by his head, his hips grinding down against Anthony's bulge. He felt the alpha's clothed cock rub between his folds and moaned happily, then leaned down and began to kiss over Anthony's neck. The alpha relaxed and gave a soft sigh, closing his eyes and allowing Azra as long as he liked. 

Grinning to himself, Azra ducked down suddenly and found one of Anthony's nipples, pinching it lightly. Anthony cried out and bucked, his bulge once again bumping up against Azra's cock. Azra gasped happily and leaned in, grinding down as his lips closed around that sensitive bud, his tongue swirling. 

"Ah! Fuck!" Anthony groaned, his hand finding Azra's hair and gently pulling, guiding him off the nipple and giving a light push. Azra understood easily, sliding down the alpha's body and guiding his legs apart. It only took a moment to get rid of the panties and garter belt, and he gazed in greedy desire as Anthony's cock rose, already rock hard and ready.

Azra leaned in slowly, teasingly, pressing a light kiss to Anthony's tip before suddenly moving away, rolling onto his back. Without hesitation, Anthony growled and pounced, causing Azra to squeal with laughter as he was pinned to the bed, Anthony's cock brushing against his folds. 

The laughter broke off as soon as Anthony kissed him, pulling him deeper and deeper, the kiss getting faster and more needy, until Azra broke away, gasping softly. 

"Please, alpha!" He whimpered, and Anthony groaned, hurriedly leaning over and wrenching the bedside drawer open. He grabbed a condom quickly and tore the packet, rolling it on easily before picking up the lube. 

"Are you sure you're ready?" Anthony asked seriously, and Azra nodded, smiling up at his alpha. 

"I'm sure," he murmured, ignoring the stirring of nerves in his stomach and instead focusing on Anthony's fingers, smoothing lube over him and pressing some inside him before lining up. Azra gasped when he felt Anthony's tip kiss his folds, and the alpha leaned over him quickly, stroking his cheek with his spare hand. "Deep breath. You're doing great," he purred, and Azra nodded slightly, smiling up at those gentle golden eyes. 

"Kiss me?" 

Anthony obeyed immediately, kissing Azra slowly and lovingly, pulling him deeper and deeper until he started to press forward. Azra's eyelids fluttered as he felt that pressure, Anthony's cock spreading his entrance, opening him up and sliding deeper.

Tipping his head back, Azra moaned happily, welcoming the feeling, welcoming his partner into him. 

"That's it, angel. Good," Anthony praised a little breathlessly, pushing the last inch or so and settling inside, his hands running over Azra's sides, skimming his ribs. "Look at you, doing so well," he purred, and Azra grinned, opening his eyes to just gaze up at his partner, his heart a little heavy in his chest. 

"I love you so much," he murmured, and Anthony smiled, leaning down to nuzzle his jaw. 

"Mm, I love you too. Can't wait to make you all mine."

Azra grinned and shifted slightly, feeling Anthony moving inside him and cherishing the sensation, the knowledge that he couldn't physically be any closer to the love of his life. "I'm ready." 

Anthony hummed softly and kissed him again, his hips rolling easily, smoothly, his cock gliding through his partner, pressing up against every sensitive spot, dragging over every needy place inside Azra. He clenched down unconsciously and Anthony moaned softly, breaking the kiss and burying his face in Azra's neck as the smooth rocking motions began to give way to slow, but determined thrusts. 

Azra squirmed happily and rocked back into it, gasping and whining. "A-Anthony!" He begged without really knowing what he needed, and the alpha grunted, picking up on Azra's tone. He doubled the pace and Azra moaned louder than he ever had before, bucking and twitching under his partner, his whole body completely overcome with pleasure. Then Anthony's teeth grazed Azra's neck and he cried out happily, rocking again, gasping. 

"I-I'm close," Anthony growled softly, and Azra nodded his agreement, his fingertips digging into Anthony's back as the alpha slammed into him, grunting with each heavy thrust, his hands grasping at Azra's hips tightly. 

"Ahh! Alpha!" Azra whimpered, rocking again, and Anthony moaned shakily, thrusting even harder, pressing himself up against the end of Azra's passage as the omega instinctively tipped his head back, allowing Anthony to sink his teeth into the side of his neck. 

Pain and pleasure burst over Azra, his orgasm hitting him hard, washing over him as the intense pain made him squeal out. Panic overwhelmed every other sensation and he scrambled back, away from the alpha, already sobbing as his back hit the headboard. He could feel hot liquid running down his neck, and he shuddered, folding up as much as he could, his hand pressed over the throbbing wound on his neck. His chest heaved, each sob forcing the breath from him, his head already starting to feel light as memories surged up, of Gabriel and that pain. He remembered being claimed, he remembered the way Gabriel had told him he loved him beforehand, assured him they would be the perfect couple, and then bit him and claimed him and used him. 

Azra buried his face in his hands, jerking away and whimpering as he felt hands on him, gentle touches making him feel sick and shaky. He felt a blanket around his shoulders and clutched at it desperately, trying to cover himself completely as he trembled and gasped for breath. He felt a weight lift from the bed and his sobs doubled, his whole being crying out to be comforted, yet unable to welcome being touched. 

What felt like just a moment or two later, a hand closed around one of his, and when he tried to jerk away, he felt a mug being pressed against his skin and took it shakily, the scent of hot, vanilla-flavoured milk washing over him. He opened his eyes at last, staring in wonder first at the mug, then at Anthony. The alpha smiled sadly and moved a little closer, still shirtless, but covered from the waist down by a pair of Azra's pajamas. 

"That's it, angel," Anthony encouraged softly, his voice so gentle and kind. "You're okay. I'm so sorry I scared you, sweetheart. But you're safe, I promise." 

Azra sniffed, taking a shaky sip from the mug and managing to stop sobbing, although the tears kept coming, running down his cheeks as he trembled. "T-tell me how you feel about me," he begged softly, and Anthony's expression softened, his smile a little shaky. 

"Oh, angel. I love you, so  _ so _ much. Every time I see you, I get so excited to touch you and hug you and kiss you. You make me feel so peaceful and comfortable when I'm with you, and I wouldn't give you up for anything in the world." 

Azra closed his eyes for a moment, taking a deep, shuddering breath before opening them again, sending a cascade of tears down his skin. "Promise?" 

"Pinky promise," Anthony smiled, holding out his hand, and Azra managed a shaky laugh, wrapping his pinky around his alpha's. 

"Okay," he murmured, and Anthony produced a small bowl and a rag from the bedside table. 

"Can I clean you up, love?" 

Azra nodded nervously and Anthony pulled the blanket aside carefully, dipping the rag in the warm water before gently dabbing at Azra's neck. To his surprise, it didn't hurt at all, and he sat quietly while Anthony wiped away the blood, his touch gentle and loving. 

"That's it. Do you want me to get you a mirror?" He asked softly, and Azra's eyes widened before he nodded quickly, wiping his tears away. 

"Please." 

Anthony nodded and got up, slipping into the bathroom. He came back a moment later with Azra's portable mirror, handing it to him and gently taking the mug to set it on the bedside table. 

Giving himself a moment to breathe and mentally prepare, Azra just stared at the handle of the mirror, then smiled to himself and lifted it slowly. His heart swelled in his chest, his throat closing up when he saw the mark, already healed over and a deep black, smaller than the one Gabriel had left, but completely replacing it, wiping every trace of the abusive alpha from his neck. 

Azra stared for a moment, then set the mirror down carefully and looked up into worried golden eyes. He felt as if a weight he didn't know he'd been carrying had been lifted from his shoulders, leaving him light and free. 

"You'd better be about to kiss me right now, Anthony," he warned softly, and the alpha chuckled, his expression betraying his relief as he scooted forward, pulling Azra into a soft, slow kiss. Then he sat back, stroking Azra's cheek tenderly and simply smiling at him. 

"You did it, you're officially mine," he murmured, and Azra nodded slightly, still feeling a bit shocked. "You'll smell like me to any other alphas, so hopefully they won't touch you," Anthony added, and Azra moved forward, letting the blanket slip from his shoulders as he wrapped his arms around his alpha. 

"How long does it last again?" 

"Unless we mate, it'll last twelve months," Anthony answered simply, and Azra stiffened, his eyes widening. 

"Do you...do you want to?" He asked slowly, and was met with an uncomfortably long silence. Then Anthony let out a sigh and wrapped his arms around Azra, his head resting against the omega's lightly. 

"Yes. But not for a while, I...it's going to take me a while to get there. I've mostly let go of Ben, but mating again would...would be a big step." 

Azra nodded, squeezing him lightly before gently pulling away. "I understand. Can we cuddle for a bit?"

Anthony smiled, although his eyes were just a little sad, and Azra felt a flash of guilt for bringing up mating. "Of course, angel." 

Azra slipped under the covers and Anthony followed suit, immediately wrapping his arms around his partner. 

"I love you," Azra sighed softly, and Anthony purred, stroking his hair as he buried his face in the alpha's chest. 

"I love you too, sweetheart."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! Hope you enjoyed this one. I know it might raise some world building questions, but there will be a few answered in the next chapter. You can ask whatever you like, just be aware that some of it will be answered anyway :)  
> <3<3


	32. Chapter Thirty Two

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter contains: vomiting, brief discussion of past abuse.

Azra listened to the dial tone nervously, tapping his fingers on the table. Then it stopped and there was a click before his alpha's voice filled his ears. 

"Hey, angel. Everything okay?" 

Azra winced, looking down at his lap and trying not to get too embarrassed. "Y-yeah, I um...I'm...I think I'm going into heat tomorrow," he mumbled, his cheeks flushing. "I can um...I can feel it, y'know?" 

"At least you have advance warning," Anthony murmured, his voice soft and sympathetic. "Have you booked time off work?" 

"Yeah, I've asked for three days, but I've told my boss I might need more. I'm just...worried about Emily," Azra went on, relaxing a bit now that he'd gotten the embarrassing part over with. 

"Well, I'll just finish what I was writing, and then I'll pack a bag, alright? I'll come over tonight and then you don't have to worry about tomorrow morning." 

Azra blinked in surprise, looking up slightly. "Really? You um...don't have to." 

"I know," Anthony answered simply, and Azra heard the smile in his voice. "I want to, angel. Do you normally nest?" 

Azra sighed and shook his head slightly, looking down at his lap again. "No, I um...I find it too much effort, I just usually use the bed."

"Alright. I'll bring you some blankets and stuff, then. I've been stocking up," Anthony admitted softly. "I thought some presents might make this first heat a bit better." 

Azra smiled to himself, his cheeks getting hot all over again. "I don't know why you call me angel when you're so sweet and perfect," he murmured, and Anthony chuckled softly. 

"Go get in bed, my love. I'll be along soon." 

"Okay. Love you."

"Love you too." 

* * *

By the time Anthony arrived, Azra was already curled up in bed, clad in his softest pajamas and watching some random documentary about animals. He heard the door unlock and smiled to himself, listening to Anthony moving around and his footsteps on the stairs. Then the scent washed over him, stronger than usual, just before Anthony knocked on the bedroom door. 

"Come in," Azra called out softly, his voice a little hoarse as he shifted slightly. The door clicked and swung open, and Anthony slipped in, carrying two big bags and a small bunch of roses. 

"Hey angel," he murmured, hurrying over to the bed and setting the bags down so he could stroke Azra's hair. "How are you feeling?"

"Better now," Azra joked softly, and Anthony chuckled, reaching into one of the bags and pulling out a fluffy tartan blanket. 

"How about now?" 

"Much better," Azra giggled and Anthony grinned, laying it over him carefully and rubbing his shoulder through the fabric. 

"I'll give you the rest tomorrow or whenever you go into heat, alright?" 

"Perfect," Azra smiled, already starting to feel much more relaxed about the daunting prospect of his first unsuppressed heat in about six years. "Can I have a cuddle?" 

"Of course," Anthony murmured, kissing his forehead before climbing into bed behind him, curling his body around Azra's. "How's this?" He asked softly, his arm sliding around the omega's plump waist, and Azra sighed happily. 

"Mm, perfect," he mumbled, his eyelids already starting to feel rather heavy. 

"Good," Anthony hummed, leaning over him and turning the bedside lamp off. "Now go to sleep, you need rest." 

Azra chuckled softly, running his hand over Anthony's arm lightly, but letting his eyes close up. "What makes you think I can just flick a switch to fall asleep, hmm?" 

"Well, being quiet would be a very good start," Anthony replied with a joking tone, and Azra rolled his eyes, but smiled to himself and curled up tighter, going silent and just focusing on feeling Anthony's chest rising and falling against his back. 

* * *

Azra woke in the dark, sweaty and shaking. Nausea rose in his stomach and he scrambled out of bed, nearly falling as he stood up, but managing to stumble to the bathroom. He fell to his knees in front of the toilet and gagged, just as he heard quick footsteps and felt a hand on his back. 

"Azra, it's alright, love," Anthony murmured, just as Azra began to empty the contents of his stomach. Anthony stayed with him, stroking his hair and rubbing his back until he'd finally finished, slumping against his alpha's chest. 

"You're okay," Anthony sighed softly, squeezing Azra gently, then helping him up, getting him to stand just as the pain hit and he had to grab onto the sink, his knuckles going white. The cramps felt as if someone had set his insides on fire, and he groaned, his legs trembling under him. 

"I've got you, sweetheart," Anthony soothed, and Azra groaned, leaning into him shakily. Anthony reached around him and grabbed his toothbrush, squeezing some toothpaste onto it before handing it to Azra. 

"Come on, it'll make you feel better," he urged, and Azra obeyed dizzily, managing to brush his teeth and get rid of the horrible taste in his mouth. Then he rinsed the brush and turned, sliding his arms around Anthony's waist and clinging on tightly. 

"It hurts," he whispered, wincing as the pain peaked, and Anthony sighed, hugging him tightly and stroking his hair slowly. 

"I know, angel. Let me run you a nice hot bath." 

Azra whined when Anthony pulled away from the embrace, but the alpha gently guided him to sit on the closed toilet lid, turning away to start the bath running. Then Anthony crouched down in front of Azra, gently starting to undo the buttons on his pajama shirt. 

"You're okay, it'll feel better in the bath," he soothed, and Azra did his best not to just curl up and cry, his whole body shaking violently as the cramps just got worse and worse. Anthony undressed him patiently, continuing to talk to him softly and soothingly until he was finally helping Azra sink down into the bath, the hot water already easing some of that pain. 

"There, that's it," Anthony murmured as Azra sat back, hugging himself loosely. "I'll go get you some painkillers and a drink, okay? You just relax for a minute, sweetheart." 

"O-okay," Azra managed, closing his eyes against the too-bright bathroom lights and listening as Anthony slipped out of the room. 

After a few agonising minutes, Anthony hurried back, helping Azra take a few pills and handing him a mug of hot tea. Azra smiled at him shakily and Anthony sat down on the mat, gently taking Azra's spare hand. 

"I'm sorry you feel so awful, angel," he murmured, and Azra managed a shaky smile. 

"It'll pass," he pointed out quietly, and Anthony nodded, rubbing his forearm gently. 

"Yeah, it will. And hopefully the next one won't be nearly as bad," Anthony sighed, lifting Azra's hand and kissing his knuckles softly. "I'm here for you, anyway." 

"I know," Azra smiled, his pain beginning to ease as he sank lower into the water and took a long drink from his mug. "Thank you for being here." 

"Of course, my love," Anthony soothed, leaning his side against the bathtub and just smiling at his omega. "I'm glad I'm here." 

Azra took a shaky breath in and nodded, tilting his head back to rest against the end of the tub. "Please don't go." 

"I won't," Anthony promised simply, and Azra closed his eyes, trusting him. 

After a while, Azra felt well enough to go back to bed, and Anthony helped him dry off and get dressed, then curled up under the covers with him and just held him until he finally fell asleep, soothed by the presence of his alpha. 

However, it wasn't enough to keep the nightmares away, and when Azra woke, it was in a cold sweat, his body trembling, his chest heaving. He sat up hurriedly, feeling very alone in the empty room, his hands shaking as he grabbed at the sheets. 

"Anthony?" He called out weakly, then leaned over and grabbed his phone off the bedside table, checking his messages before calling his partner. Anthony's ringtone came up through the floor, muffled but audible, and when he answered on the second ring, Azra could hear his voice. 

"Are you alright, angel?" 

"I had a nightmare and I...I got scared that you'd left," Azra admitted quietly, his cheeks flushing, and heard a soft sigh from the other end of the line. 

"I'm here, sweetheart, I'll come up." 

He hung up and Azra hugged himself tightly, dropping his phone to the sheets and drawing his knees up towards his chest. His stomach ached and throbbed, and he could hardly bear it, his eyes squeezing shut just as he heard footsteps on the stairs. 

A moment later, he found himself wrapped up in a gentle, protective hug, Anthony's warm scent washing over him as he buried his face in the alpha's shoulder. 

"I'm here, angel. I'm here," Anthony soothed, and Azra slowly slid his trembling arms around his partner, clinging to him gently. 

"Th-thank you," he mumbled, and Anthony pressed a loving kiss to the side of his head, rocking him ever so slightly. 

"You're always welcome, my love. Do you want to talk about it?" 

Azra took a deep breath and gently pulled away from Anthony's embrace, tugging his new tartan blanket around his shoulders as a sort of comfort barrier against his memories. He looked down at the sheets and gave a quiet sigh, Anthony's hand on his leg making him jump slightly. 

"I um...you know those videos?" He said slowly, and Anthony nodded, moving to sit beside him and wrap an arm around his shoulders. "Well, um...he used to film them over...over hours. Sometimes like...overnight, you know? The whole night, and once I went into heat." 

Anthony tightened his grip on Azra gently, his fingertips pressing into Azra's skin as he held him possessively. 

"I um...I thought that they would stop, but they um...just thought it was funny," Azra added in a small voice, his whole body shaking slightly as Anthony gently guided him to turn into the alpha's chest, squeezing him in a tight, loving hug. 

"I'm so sorry, sweetheart. You're safe now, I promise, and I'm so sorry you dreamed about it. You didn't deserve any of it, angel," he soothed, his voice a little thick and cracked. "I love you." 

Azra nodded slightly, wrapping his arms around Anthony shakily and clinging onto the back of his shirt. "I love you too." 

"How about you come downstairs while I cook the pancakes I was making, hmm? Emily is at school and sorted, okay?" 

"Th-thank you," Azra said quickly, struggling to unfold enough to gently pull away from Anthony's grip. "Pancakes sound heavenly." 

About fifteen minutes later, Azra was sitting at the table, tucking into a plate of delicious, fluffy pancakes. Anthony was reading something on his laptop, glancing at Azra occasionally and smiling when they made eye contact. 

"It's good to see you feeling better," he commented after a while, and Azra nodded, stopping to take a drink of water. 

"Yeah, those pain pills have finally kicked in," he mumbled, going back to his pancakes eagerly. "Thank you for this, it's delicious."

"You're welcome, sweetheart," Anthony answered softly, shutting his laptop and getting up from the table. "I'm just going to go and sort something out, I'll be back in a few minutes, okay?" 

Azra nodded and decided it was best not to ask, watching the alpha as he walked off and trying not to let his gaze wander to Anthony's tight jeans. He finished off his breakfast and did the washing up, wandering into the living room just as he heard his name being called. 

"Yeah?" 

"Come upstairs!" Anthony shouted, a smile in his voice, and Azra rolled his eyes, hugging himself loosely as he shuffled to the stairs and dragged himself up. 

"This better be good," he laughed as he pushed the bedroom door open. Anthony was sitting on the bed, and waved him over, smiling at him as he walked over slowly and sat down beside his alpha. 

"I thought I'd better give you those presents I promised," Anthony announced, and Azra smiled, letting his head fall onto Anthony's shoulder. 

"Mm, as long as a cuddle is one of them," he chuckled, and Anthony grinned, rubbing his leg lightly. 

"Of course. Let me just go get them," he hummed, getting up and slipping into the bathroom. He walked back out with a basket a moment later, carrying it over to the bed and setting it down beside Azra, who was staring in shock. 

"It's your personal heat care package," Anthony chuckled, suddenly seeming a bit nervous. "Is it alright, sweetheart?"

Azra blinked and laughed, reaching up to gently pull Anthony close to him. "Jesus, darling! Yeah, of course it is, it's the nicest thing anyone's ever done for me," he smiled, sniffing a bit as Anthony leaned down and kissed his cheek. "Sorry, I'm really hormonal," Azra added with a giggle, and Anthony nodded, sitting down on his other side and rubbing the top of his thigh lightly. 

"That's okay, sweetheart," he chuckled, bumping his shoulder against Azra's gently. "Go ahead and have a look." 

Azra smiled and turned, starting to pull things out of the basket, each item causing the emotion to build in his chest, his throat tightening. There was a new set of exceptionally soft pajamas in a lovely cream colour with a dog print, a couple of DvDs of Azra's favourite Ghibli movies, a lot of chocolate, and another lovely fleece blanket in the same print as the pajamas. 

"There's also lots of ice cream in the freezer," Anthony chuckled, and Azra turned, flinging his arms around his alpha and burying his face in Anthony's neck. He squeezed him tightly, sniffling again and closing his eyes against the tears threatening to well up. 

Anthony let out a soft sigh and wrapped his arms around Azra, pulling him even closer and rubbing his side slowly. "I'm so lucky to have you, angel," he murmured, one hand slipping up into Azra's hair and cradling the back of his head as he held him. "And I want you to feel as comfortable as possible, I'm going to do everything I can to make this as easy as it can be. I promise." 

Azra sniffed and gently pulled away, his hands resting on Anthony's cheeks for just a moment before he kissed him, pouring all of his love and emotion into the slow, easy kiss, his fingers curling slightly against Anthony's jaw. Anthony was the first to pull away, smiling at Azra lovingly and gently taking his hands. 

"Come on, my love. You should be resting," he encouraged softly, and Azra smiled, blinking away tears as he cuddled up to Anthony's chest. 

"Only if you stay with me." 

"Alright, sweetheart. Lie down for me, I'll tidy up quickly and draw the curtains," Anthony murmured, and Azra did as he was told, curling up and doing his best to ignore the pain as he closed his eyes tightly. After a minute or two, the bed sank behind him, and he let out a happy little sigh as Anthony's scent washed over him, soothing some of that need and taking the edge off his pain. 

* * *

Azra woke with a start, his nightmare slipping away before he could even attempt to remember what it had been about. He stirred slightly, and the nausea immediately began to rise, crawling up his throat as he scrambled out of the bed and into the bathroom. 

He had just finished emptying his stomach when he heard the door creak open, and he slumped sideways against the wall, staring at nothing as his body remained covered in a sheen of cold sweat. 

"Oh, angel," Anthony sighed, and Azra closed his eyes miserably as he heard the shower switch on. He jumped slightly when a hand brushed his cheek, but Anthony gently coaxed him into a hug, rocking him slightly. 

"I've got you, my love," Anthony crooned, squeezing Azra a little tighter before gently guiding him away to start unbuttoning his shirt. Azra just sat in stunned, trembling silence, letting Anthony undress him as he tried to scrape his brain back together through the pain and cloudiness. 

"Let's get you cleaned up, sweetheart," Anthony was saying softly, and Azra tried to focus on him, gently grabbing at his hands. Anthony smiled softly, guiding him to stand up and helping him step out of his pajama trousers. "It's alright, love. Did you have another nightmare?" 

"I...I think so," Azra mumbled, still feeling a bit dazed as he watched his partner undress and allowed himself to be led into the shower. He felt the hot spray hit his back and immediately sank down, sitting on the floor and hugging himself as the pain rose and fell, causing the nausea to rise again.

Then he felt arms around him and realised Anthony had sat down behind him, and was gently helping Azra sit back into his chest, his head resting comfortably just under Anthony's chin. Azra cuddled up to him gratefully, enjoying the warmth of his body and the water running over his skin, washing away the sweat as he shook all over. 

The pain rose again, peaking higher this time, and Azra gagged, tears rising, pricking at his eyes, and spilling over. Anthony didn't notice to start with, just holding him in silence, but as the pain continued to climb, Azra eventually dissolved into soft little sobs, desperate for the horrible ordeal to be over, so he could feel himself again and breathe without that awful, sickening pain. Anthony just held Azra tighter, murmuring to him as the pain passed, lessening again and allowing him to relax, the tears slowing. He felt weak and so, so heavy, every muscle in his body exhausted. 

After a while and a few more soft sobs, Azra finally felt strong enough to stand again, leaning heavily on his alpha as Anthony helped him wash off, praising him constantly before guiding him back to bed and helping him in under the covers. Azra tried to grab at Anthony, to pull him into bed as well, but the alpha gently brushed his hands away, pressing a kiss to his forehead instead. 

"I've got to go get Em, okay? You get some more rest, sweetheart," he murmured, and Azra let out a soft sigh, his eyes slipping closed as he heard the bedroom door click. 

Azra woke for the last time that day to feel a weight on his side, a familiar voice in his ear. 

"Daddy?" 

"Em, don't-" 

"Daddy!" Emily called, shaking Azra's shoulder and causing him to wince, pushing her hand away quickly. 

"Em, be careful!" Anthony said quickly, and Azra felt the bed sink as the alpha joined them, his scent washing over Azra and soothing the dull ache in his stomach. 

"I'm awake, I'm awake," he grumbled, trying to focus on the book being held right in front of his face. "Can you ask Anthony to read, baby, I'm kinda-" 

"I'm going to read to you!" Emily interrupted proudly, laying down beside her father and opening the book to the first page. "Gonna make you feel better," she added, and Azra looked past her to Anthony, forcing his bleary eyes to focus on the alpha's amused expression. 

Then he let out a soft sigh and wrapped an arm around his daughter, pulling her close into his chest and holding her tightly as she began to read confidently. Anthony slowly laid down as well, careful not to disturb Emily's flow as he shifted a little closer towards Azra. 

Smiling to himself, Azra curled up slightly, allowing himself to relax into the peace of his little family, barely listening to Emily's words as he simply enjoyed the moment. His pain had gone down a lot since that morning, and although he still didn't feel quite right, he was able to lay there and bask in all that domestic glory. 

It gave him time to reflect on everything, on how he'd managed to trust an alpha again, enough to be claimed by him, enough to let him comfort him through his heat, enough to build such a perfect life with him. Azra reached over Emily to take Anthony's hand, and their fingers laced together immediately, their soft smiles sharing exactly the same loving sentiment as they both gazed at the beautiful little girl still reading so happily between them. 

* * *

That night, Azra drifted off easily, wrapped up in Anthony's arms and the warm feeling of being so cared for and so loved. He woke the next morning quite late, the pain having settled to a dull ache, and he took a couple of pills before heading downstairs to find Anthony. 

Unfortunately, he'd underestimated the power of his heat, and as soon as he set foot downstairs, he could smell the alpha, the scent washing over him, more powerful than it had ever been. Azra stumbled slightly, arousal ripping through him, his breath shortening, his heart pounding in his chest as he struggled forward, toward the scent. He managed to walk into the living room where Anthony was working on his laptop, and whimpered just as the alpha looked up. 

"Azra? Are you-" 

Anthony took a deep breath in and winced, setting his laptop aside hurriedly as Azra stared at him, still breathing quickly. 

"Anthony, I...I need you," he gasped out softly, his whole body thrumming with desire, with need. He felt so empty and ready, he wanted to be taken then and there, to be held down and fucked until he couldn't take any more. And yet, there was a small part of him in the back of his mind, not overcome by the heat and screaming for him to run, to get away from Anthony before it was too late. 

But the alpha just stood calmly and gently took Azra's arm, starting to lead him towards the stairs. "You don't need me, sweetheart," he said simply, keeping a firm grip so Azra couldn't wriggle away, even if he'd wanted to. "Your heat wants me, that's not the same thing," he pointed out, steadying Azra as he stumbled on the stairs and helping him back to the bedroom. 

The desire was worse now, burning between his legs and in his chest, so Azra fell back onto the bed, catching Anthony's wrist and dragging him down. Anthony resisted without too much trouble and sighed, gently pinning Azra down under the covers and kissing his cheek. 

"This isn't going to work, angel," he murmured, and Azra whined, struggling slightly. 

"So what will?" 

"Proper consent, which you can't give right now," Anthony said simply, his voice flat but gentle. "And I can't know that I'll stay under control if we try anything. I might go too far, and end up scaring you, so it's not going to happen." 

"But I-" 

"No," Anthony answered firmly, smiling at him sadly and stroking his cheek lightly. "I'm sorry, angel. I'm going back downstairs, okay? If you need anything, text me, but try to just sleep." 

Azra glared at him as he left, but as soon as the door shut behind him and that scent started to fade, the relief crept in. He knew Anthony was right, at the end of the day, and he managed to settle back, closing his eyes as he tried to continue sleeping it off. 

Azra spent the rest of the day drifting in and out of sleep, struggling to keep himself comfortable. The heat peaked around midday, and he ended up trying to relieve it himself, but nothing seemed to work. By the time Anthony texted him to say he was picking Emily up, however, he was feeling quite a bit better, so he took a quick shower to clean off and then went downstairs to wait. 

After a few minutes, he heard the door open and Emily ran into the living room, grinning when she saw him and climbing up onto the sofa next to him. "Daddy!" 

"Hey baby," he chuckled, pulling her into his lap and gently fixing her hair, then hugging her tightly as she wrapped her arms around his neck. "Did you have a good day at school, love?" 

Emily nodded and Azra looked up as Anthony's scent drifted into the room, followed almost immediately by Anthony. He hung back slightly, shooting Azra a worried look. Azra just smiled in response and patted the couch beside him. 

"I'm feeling a lot better," he said quietly, and Anthony nodded, walking over to sit down and smiling at him softly. 

"Good, I'm glad. Emily, why don't you go put your bag upstairs?" 

Emily nodded again, slipping off Azra's lap and grabbing her backpack before hurrying off, leaving Azra alone with Anthony. 

"Emily's been asking about heats," Anthony announced as soon as she was gone, and Azra reached over, taking his hand lightly. He could feel the heat still beating under his skin, but he did his best to ignore it, letting out a happy sigh as Anthony's fingers slipped between his. 

"Okay. Have you said much?" 

"No, I told her we'd talk to her about it when you were feeling better," he murmured, and Azra nodded, moving closer to him and leaning his head against the alpha's shoulder. 

"We can do that now, I'm feeling much better. It's still there, but I'm in control." 

"Are you sure?" Anthony asked gently, and Azra smiled, leaning over to kiss his cheek. 

"I'm sure, darling. It doesn't hurt at all anymore." 

"Good," Anthony smiled, turning and pulling Azra into a quick kiss just as Emily walked back into the room, carrying one of her colouring books and her box of coloured pencils. She began to set up on the coffee table and Anthony reached out, gently rubbing her back. 

"Em, why don't you come sit with us for a minute?" He suggested, and she looked up at Azra worriedly, then quickly climbed onto the sofa between them. 

"Am I in trouble?" 

"No, love," Azra soothed softly, gently lifting her into his lap and pulling her hair back from her face, starting to plait it carefully so he had something to do with his hands. "Anthony says you have some questions for me, so I thought we'd have a chat, that's all." 

Emily looked down slightly, then up at Anthony, her brow furrowed. "I just want to know what being in heat is like. I know I'll have them one day, and they seem kind of scary." 

Azra nodded slightly, finishing off the plait with a band from his pocket and tucking it over her shoulder. "Well. I'm having a particularly bad one this time because I just stopped taking my suppressants. And they're a very serious subject, but they're not scary if you handle them well. Basically the purpose of heats is to show that you're ready to have a baby," he said slowly, struggling to put it into terms she could understand. "They can be a bit painful for the first day or so, you get stomach aches while your body gets ready for a baby. Your scent becomes stronger so alphas know that you're ready, and for a day or a few days after that, you feel very ready, and then it fades." 

Emily nodded slightly, looking up at Azra with wide, curious eyes. "Do you get them every month?" 

"Yes, unless you're having a baby," Azra nodded, gently running his hand down her back. "But usually they're quite short, and then you have two big ones every year, in the winter and summer. Those last a day or two more than usual, but other than that, they're not any different."

Emily looked over at Anthony, then glanced at Azra again. "And what about claiming and mating? I've heard of them, but I don't know what they are." 

Azra sighed softly and pulled the collar of his shirt down slightly to show her the mark on his neck. "See here? Anthony claimed me, which means that to other alphas, they can smell him mixed with my scent. It shows that you have an alpha and a bond with someone, so you're not interested in anyone else. It's kind of like an engagement ring, do you remember when Auntie Ana was engaged to Newt?" 

Her eyes still wide with interest, Emily nodded slightly, reaching out and touching the black mark on Azra's neck. "Does it hurt?" 

"A little at the time, but it heals very quickly," Azra answered honestly, smiling down at his daughter. "Mating is like marriage, for me, I would get a mark on the other side of my neck, and Anthony would have marks on his hips. If we decided to mate, that is," he added quickly, his cheeks flushing slightly as he glanced at his partner. "Some mates have special bonds as well, where they can feel some of their partner's emotions, but that's quite rare." 

"Does it hurt for you?" Emily asked Anthony, who blinked slightly and swallowed. He glanced at Azra, then gave a soft sigh. 

"Claiming doesn't, but mating can be painful," he admitted quietly, much to Azra's surprise. "The marks feel a bit like brands, do you know what that is?" 

Emily shook her head, her mouth open slightly as she listened in fascination. 

"Well, a brand is generally used for animals, to show ownership, and to make a brand, someone heats up some metal and presses it to the animal's fur to make a mark." 

Emily pulled a face immediately and Anthony nodded. "Yes, it's quite cruel to do to animals, but anyway, marking feels a bit like that to alphas. It can be a bit sore for a day or two, but it's worth it," he murmured, flashing Azra a soft smile. 

"Wow, it's so complicated," Emily breathed, and Azra nodded, stroking her back lightly. 

"It can be, but you don't need to worry about it for a while yet, okay? How about we do some more colouring, I think Anthony is going to make some dinner," he said softly, and Emily nodded, sliding off his lap to sit on the floor. 

"Am I now?" Anthony chuckled, and Azra giggled, leaning over to kiss him softly. 

"Please? Or we can get takeout, I don't mind." 

Anthony grinned and pulled him back into a slightly longer kiss. "Pizza?" 

"Mm, okay," Azra purred, wishing he could just climb into Anthony's lap and kiss him all night. "I love you." 

"I love you too, angel. I have to do some work for a bit, but I'll check on you later, okay?"

"Alright," Azra smiled, kissing his cheek and watching him go, then sighing softly and turning to the coffee table to help Emily. 

The rest of the afternoon and evening passed quite quickly for Azra, with plenty of fun playing with Emily and eating pizza in the living room while they watched a movie. Once Emily was asleep, Azra gently dragged Anthony upstairs and into bed to cuddle, curling up against his chest and pulling countless blankets around himself comfortably. Anthony chuckled to himself and put some quiet music on, then hugged Azra tightly and kissed the side of his head. 

"How are you feeling, sweetheart?" 

"Mm, much better. I'm going to stay home from work tomorrow, just in case, but I should be okay taking Emily to school," he murmured, and Anthony nodded, squeezing him gently. 

"How about I do the morning run and then head home to get some more work done? Does that work?" 

"That would be perfect," Azra murmured, trying to press himself impossibly closer to his alpha and letting out a happy sigh. "I'm so lucky to have you." 

"I guess it's karma or something," Anthony chuckled, running his fingers through Azra's soft curls. "We've both been through a lot, I think we both deserve this." 

"I think you might be right," Azra smiled, sliding his hand under Anthony's shirt and letting it come to rest against the alpha's warm skin. He could feel the ridge of a scar against his palm, but simply ignored it, pressing a soft kiss to Anthony's chest. "I love you." 

"I love you too, angel," Anthony answered dutifully, squeezing Azra gently. "I'm so glad I get to just lay here with you like this. I must be the luckiest alpha out there." 

"Lots of luck going around tonight," Azra grinned, and Anthony laughed again, his voice soft and comforting. 

"Definitely." 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! Sorry this chapter is a little late, I've had a hectic past few days and I lost track of what day it was being stressed and mostly stuck at home.   
> Just a warning, the next chapter is very sweet, but has mentions of hospital stuff, so let me know if that concerns you at all!   
> Hope you're all well! <3<3


	33. Chapter Thirty Three

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter contains: mention of hospital anxiety around booked surgery, sexual content.   
> If you're worried about the content surrounding the hospital, let me know and I can give more extended warnings or edit the chapter! <3

"Is that the last box?" Azra asked, and Anthony set it down on the floor, heaving a deep sigh. 

"Yep. I'm officially moved in," he chuckled, and Azra grinned, stepping up to him and slipping an arm around his waist. 

"You live with me now," he purred, and Anthony leaned down slightly, pulling him into a soft, gentle kiss. 

"Mhm," Anthony hummed as he pulled away, his hand resting on his partner's cheek. "We need to celebrate tonight." 

"Yeah, let's get some takeout and watch a movie or something," Azra smiled, shuffling closer and resting his cheek against the alpha's chest. "Anathema said she'd drop Emily back at about five." 

"Perfect. What shall we do until then?" Anthony grinned, his voice a little suggestive, and Azra pulled away, laughing to himself as he nudged the box with his foot. 

"Unpack." 

* * *

The last corner of the fitted sheet slid on with a bit of a struggle and Azra stood back, surveying the bed. It was a hospital bed they'd rented and placed in the living room, as the whole point of Anthony moving in so soon was to help him recover after his surgery, and he wouldn't be able to manage stairs to start with. Azra fluffed up the pillow and smoothed out the duvet, then pushed the small coffee table over to it and gave it a quick wipe just as he heard footsteps behind him. 

"I put the last of my clothes in the closet," Anthony announced softly, and Azra felt a hand on his back, fingertips stroking down his spine. "This looks so good, angel." 

Azra turned and sat down on the edge of the bed, letting out a soft sigh. "Yeah. I um...I'm getting a bit nervous," he admitted quietly, and Anthony frowned, sitting down beside him quickly. 

"What about, sweetheart?" He murmured, sliding his arm around the omega's waist carefully. 

"Your surgery," Azra sighed, leaning into Anthony's side slightly as he just sat with the emotion in his stomach. "And...and living with you. It's just from my...my trauma, you know? I'm excited to be with you, but...I think maybe I'll need you to sleep down here tonight." 

Anthony nodded, squeezing Azra gently and leaning his cheek against his partner's head. "Okay, angel. What's worrying you about my surgery?" 

Azra bit his lip lightly, closing his eyes and trying to breathe evenly. "I um...what if something happens with your heart?" 

"I'll have a specialist anesthesiologist to make sure my doses are right, and I'll be very closely monitored the whole time," Anthony soothed, his spare hand coming to rest on Azra's thigh and stroking lightly. "They wouldn't be letting me do it if it was a significant risk. I'm going to be fine, I promise." 

Azra nodded, sniffing a bit as he tried not to remember his last trip to the hospital with Anthony. "I think I'll have to leave the hospital for a bit while you're in there, is that okay?" 

"Yeah, you take care of what you need, love," Anthony smiled softly, reaching up to stroke his hair slowly. "I'll be okay. Now, do you want to talk about how you feel about me moving in?" 

Swallowing, Azra gave a small shrug and pressed himself a little closer into the alpha's side. "When I first got together with Gabriel, I moved in with him fairly quickly, and...and I just feel a bit nervous. Things can be a bit different when you live with someone, and this isn't a big house, if you get frustrated with me or something, it's not like we have much space to calm down. I love you very, very much and I trust you, but I just can't shake it, y'know?" 

"I understand completely," Anthony assured him softly, and Azra managed a small smile, relief blossoming in his chest. "I always knew that every step we took in this relationship was likely to be a bit difficult for you, and this is a really big step. I don't blame you at all, I promise. I'll do anything I can to make you more comfortable, but I'm sure that we'll both adjust really well. If you need me to sleep downstairs tonight, that's absolutely no problem. Alright? Don't be afraid to ask for what you need, my love." 

Azra smiled a little wider and gently pulled away from Anthony's embrace slightly. "I would very much like a kiss right now," he announced, and Anthony chuckled, pulling him into an easy, slow kiss, his fingers spreading on the omega's cheek, holding him, guiding him deeper. 

They both jumped when the doorbell rang and Azra giggled, getting up hurriedly and walking down the hall. When he opened the door, Emily immediately ran in past him, screaming Anthony's name, and Anathema gave him a look. 

"She's having one of those days," she said quietly, and Azra sighed, shaking his head slightly as he heard Anthony talking to his daughter. 

"She's nuts, I know. I'm sorry if she was a pain, thank you so much for taking her this weekend, it's been so helpful," he replied, leaning against the doorframe. "Do you want to come in?" 

"No, I'd better get back to Newt, but thank you. Is Anthony all moved in?" 

"Yep, all sorted," Azra answered softly, flashing his friend a bright smile. "The bed's all set up and I'm dropping him at the hospital early tomorrow morning." 

"Good, let me know how it goes. And maybe sometime you can make me one of those cheesecakes you do so well as repayment," Anathema grinned, and Azra stepped forward, pulling her into a tight hug. 

"Done, it'll be a good distraction while Anthony's in surgery," Azra chuckled, and Anathema squeezed him tightly, rubbing his back gently. 

"He'll be fine, I'm sure." 

Azra sighed and let her break away, nodding slightly as she stepped back. "I hope so. I'll see you soon, yeah?" 

"Yeah. Love you," Anathema smiled, and Azra returned it, waving to her as she turned. 

"Love you too!" 

Azra shut the door and headed back down the hall, finding Emily sitting on the bed with Anthony, kicking her feet while she looked through a picture book with him. 

"What's that word?" She asked, and Anthony smiled, pushing the book towards her slightly. 

"Sound it out, love." 

Azra walked over and sat down on Anthony's other side, pressing a soft kiss to his cheek before sliding a hand into his and squeezing gently. Anthony let out a contented sigh and squeezed his hand in return. 

"That's right, keep reading," he encouraged Emily gently, and Azra closed his eyes, letting his head fall onto Anthony's shoulder as he relaxed. 

* * *

The next day was hell for Azra. 

He dropped Anthony off first, then took Emily to school before heading home. He got out his recipes and started in on the cheesecake for Anathema, but it wasn't enough to keep the worry away. His thoughts kept returning to that awful night at the hospital when Anthony had overdosed, the shouts and the sound the door had made as it had swung shut in his face. 

Every time his phone vibrated, his heart leapt into his throat, his whole body trembling as the possibility loomed in his mind - that it was a call from the hospital to tell him that Anthony had crashed in surgery. 

After struggling for almost two hours, Azra finally slid the finished cheesecake into the fridge, then hurried upstairs. He folded a blanket and shoved it into a bag, then added some of Anthony's favourite snacks, a couple of his books, and his phone charger. Then he jogged down the stairs, snatched up his keys, and headed out of the door. 

As he drove, Azra ground his hands against the steering wheel, his heart pounding in his chest, his lip caught in his teeth. Anthony's surgery was supposed to last four hours, and if they'd taken him in on time, then he'd already been under for three. He knew he had to be there when Anthony woke up - although the alpha refused to admit it, Azra knew his overdose had scarred him as much as it had Azra. Anthony had presented such a calm and cool front, but Azra was well aware that he was terrified to be alone in the hospital. He didn't want him to wake up and be frightened as well as disoriented and in pain. 

Once Azra finally arrived, he parked and went inside, speaking to the receptionist to find the right floor. He took the elevator up and found the right area, sitting himself down in the little waiting room. After a few minutes, he took one of Anthony's books out of the bag and began to read, but it was quite specific to Anthony'sd area of study, and didn't make a lot of sense to Azra, so he gave up quite quickly, dropping it back into the bag and turning his attention to his phone instead. 

At five minutes to the four-hour mark, he heard his name being called at last and jumped up, following the nurse down the maze of stark hallways until they reached a door. He slipped into the room and another nurse looked up, then smiled at him before going back to fiddling with Anthony's IV. 

"You must be Azra," the nurse announced, his voice soft in the almost silent room, and Azra mentally shook himself, but couldn't manage to tear his gaze away from his alpha. Anthony just looked so pale and small, once again tucked up in a hospital bed, and Azra could feel his heartbeat crawling up his chest. 

"Y-yeah, is he...is he okay?" 

"He's doing perfectly," the nurse smiled, straightening up and checking the IV bag one last time. "He's got a monitor on his heart, but we have absolutely no reason to worry. The surgery went well, and the surgeon will be in shortly to explain everything to you, okay?" 

"Yes, thank you," Azra said quickly, and watched the nurse slip out, then dragged a chair over to the bed and sat down hurriedly. Anthony's chest was rising and falling rhythmically, so Azra rested a hand on it, letting the even, slow expansion and contraction of his ribcage reassure him that the alpha was healthy and already recovering. His other hand found Anthony's and squeezed tightly, rubbing his thumb over his partner's knuckles. 

After a while, the surgeon came in to check Anthony over and assure Azra that everything had gone to plan, and about half an hour later, Anthony began to stir. 

He let out a sigh first, his eyelids fluttering slightly, and Azra leaned over, pressing the button to call a nurse before sinking back into his seat and rubbing a slow circle into Anthony's chest. 

"Hey, darling. I'm here," he called out softly, and Anthony groaned, turning his head towards Azra as he finally opened his eyes, blinking in the bright light. 

"Angel?" He rasped, and Azra let out a soft sigh of relief, squeezing his alpha's hand lightly. 

"Right here, darling. How do you feel?" 

Anthony frowned, golden eyes still a bit cloudy with sleep. "Shitty. How do I look?" 

"Shitty," Azra chuckled, leaning over to kiss his forehead and fix his hair gently. "Pale and tired." 

"That's how I feel," Anthony smiled, but it was a little cracked around the edges. 

The nurse from earlier hurried in, hesitating in the doorway and smiling brightly. "Good afternoon, Anthony, how are you feeling?" hHe asked, walking over to the bed slowly, his hands in his pockets. 

"Very sore," Anthony sighed, and the nurse nodded. 

"Yeah, that's natural. Can you rate your pain on a scale of one to ten for me?" 

Anthony shifted slightly and winced, his grip on Azra's hand tightening momentarily. "Seven." 

"Alright, I'll up your morphine, okay? Just a bit for now, if you need more, feel free to ask," the nurse smiled, unlocking the box on Anthony's IV stand and pressing a few buttons before locking it again. "My name is Sam, just ask if you need anything else." 

"Thanks," Azra and Anthony said in unison, and Sam smiled before slipping out, letting the door shut behind him. 

Anthony shot Azra a look, then laughed softly. "I get to have a hot nurse as well?" 

Azra flipped him off and Anthony gently tugged at his hand. "Come on, you know he's not my type." 

"Blond, blue eyes, much better built than me?" Azra teased, and Anthony rolled his eyes, squeezing his hand again. 

"Come here and give me a kiss, I haven't had one since this morning." 

"You've been asleep," Azra pointed out with a giggle, but leaned over and kissed his partner softly, his fingertips brushing against the alpha's jaw lightly before he pulled back. Anthony smiled up at him lovingly, reaching up stiffly and stroking his knuckles over Azra's cheek. 

"Mm, I missed you all the same. I love you." 

"I love you too, darling. And I'm so so happy you're okay," Azra smiled, emotion rising in his chest as he sniffed. "I was really worried." 

"I know," Anthony murmured, letting his hand drop back to the bed with a soft sigh. "Thank you for being here, angel. I was feeling a bit lonely this morning." 

Azra nodded slightly and leaned over again, kissing his cheek lovingly. "I'm sorry I had to leave, but I'm staying until I have to pick Emily up now, I promise." 

"Thank you," Anthony purred, his smile becoming a little sleepy. "I think the meds might be kicking in," he mumbled, and Azra chuckled, reaching up and stroking his cheek slowly and rhythmically. 

"If you need to sleep, just rest, okay? I'll be right here." 

Anthony smiled slightly and let his eyes slip closed, a soft breath escaping his lungs. "Mm, I'm very tired," he mumbled, and Azra kept stroking his cheek, his touch as soft and gentle as if he was trying to soothe Emily to sleep. 

"That's okay, darling. I'm here," he soothed, and felt Anthony's grip on his hand loosen as the alpha drifted off easily. Azra smiled to himself and carefully covered his partner with the blanket from home, then settled back to read for a bit while Anthony rested. 

* * *

A few days after Anthony's surgery, Azra was taking him home, supporting him all the way from the car to the front door. He helped his partner into pajamas once they were inside, then helped him lay down comfortably. Anthony let out a deep sigh as he settled into the mattress, and Azra smiled, leaning down to kiss him. 

"Does it feel good being home?" He asked softly, and Anthony nodded, his eyes tired and pained. 

"Yeah. Am I due another dose yet?" 

Azra looked at his phone and sighed, shaking his head slightly. "No, love, not until half past. I got one of those medicine bottles that locks in between doses for when I go back to work next week," he added quietly, and Anthony nodded, reaching out and grabbing his hand. 

"Thank you, Azra. I'm so lucky to have you to help me get through this." 

Azra nodded, lifting his hand and kissing the back of it lightly. "Of course, darling. I know you don't want to be back on heavy painkillers, that's why we're in this situation, but it's only temporary this time."

"Yeah, I'm...I'm gonna go back to therapy once I'm well enough," Anthony smiled weakly, squeezing Azra's hand. "I really can't go backwards." 

"I won't let you," Azra answered firmly, then got up, reluctantly letting his hand slide from Anthony's. "I have to go pick Emily up, okay? I'll be back in about twenty minutes." 

Azra picked Emily up from school as quickly as he could, and gently pulled her back as she ran to the door. 

"Em, remember Anthony came home from the hospital today," he said quickly, crouching down in front of his daughter, who nodded seriously, blue eyes wide. "He's very fragile right now, so I know you're super excited to see him, but you have to be careful, okay?" 

Emily nodded, rocking herself from side to side slightly. "Do you think he'll read with me?" 

"I'm sure if you ask nicely, he'll read with you for a bit," Azra murmured, standing up and stroking her hair lightly. "Come on." 

He unlocked the door and groaned as Emily kicked her shoes off and immediately ran off. He heard Anthony talking to her and hurried to follow her, relaxing when he saw her already curled up on the bed with Anthony, hugging his waist. Anthony grinned at Azra sleepily and wrapped an arm around Emily, squeezing her gently. 

"Did you have a good day at school, Em?" He asked softly, and Azra sat down on the edge of the bed, running his hand over Anthony's arm. 

"Yeah. I was excited to see you all day," she said simply, and Azra smiled, stroking her hair lightly and looking at Anthony. 

"Do you need anything, darling?" 

"A book to read, apparently," Anthony chuckled, and Azra nodded, feeling his chest tighten and warm at the sight of his little family all together. 

"I'll get one, that's alright. I'm going to make lasagna for dinner, is that okay?" 

"Sounds perfect, angel," Anthony smiled, gently pulling his blanket over Emily and chuckling when Azra rolled his eyes fondly. 

"Okay, I'll get you a book and get started on dinner," he answered, leaning over to kiss both Anthony and Emily on the forehead before getting up and walking off down the hall. 

* * *

It didn't take them long to settle into a routine, even when Azra went back to work. Every day, Azra would come home to find Emily curled up in bed with Anthony, sometimes napping or watching TV with him, sometimes reading or going over her sums. Anthony seemed to love the attention, cherishing this extra time with Emily and settling into a more involved role now that he was living in the house. 

Azra kept his eye on Anthony with the new medication, but he was healing exceptionally well and didn't seem to have too many issues cutting down on the pills as he got better. He walked every day, under Azra's careful supervision, and after four weeks, went to the physiotherapist to be checked over. After two full months, he was given the clean bill of health by his surgeon, and was completely off any kind of pain medication, aside from the occasional ibuprofen.

While Anthony had a meeting at the uni soon after his complete discharge from the hospital, Azra got busy, dropping Emily off with Anathema and Newt for the night and getting all the ingredients for Anthony's favourite dinner together. Then he sent his alpha on a few useless errands to keep him busy and got himself dressed nicely, even slipping on something he wasn't particularly accustomed to - a pair of lacy white panties. 

By the time Anthony got home, Azra was buzzing with excitement for their child-free evening, and waited by the door when he heard Anthony's car pull up, a rose in his hands. The door clicked and Anthony slipped through, then stopped, his eyes wide. 

"Oh, Azra, you look so good!" He exclaimed, setting his bag down and hurrying forward to cup Azra's face in his hands. "This bow tie is adorable," he gushed, and Azra felt himself go bright red, biting his lip lightly. 

"Thank you," he said softly, showing Anthony the rose, which he took carefully and tucked behind his ear with a happy smile. "I thought we could have an evening in without Emily, to celebrate your back being better," he murmured, and Anthony leaned down, kissing his cheek softly. 

"That sounds amazing. Do I get time to change?" He asked softly, a loving smile spreading across his face. "I want to match my handsome partner." 

Azra looked down slightly, his smile turning a bit bashful as he nodded. "Of course. And then we're going to make dinner together and watch a movie," he announced, and Anthony grinned. 

"Perfect, I love having a plan." 

Azra nodded slightly and went into the kitchen, making sure everything was ready and humming to himself as he tidied. After a few minutes, he heard the clicking of high heels and a swish of fabric, and turned. 

He froze immediately, staring wide-eyed at his alpha, completely stunned by how perfect he looked. Anthony had done his usual understated makeup, but had paired it with a tight, yet flowing black dress that hugged and accentuated every curve perfectly. It was low cut and backless, and Anthony blushed, biting his painted lip. 

"Is this...alright?" 

Azra swallowed and managed to get his brain back under his control. "Fuck, it's...you look amazing," he breathed, and Anthony smiled, his eyes a little wet and shiny as he let his arms drop from where they'd been folded over his chest defensively.

"It's very plain, I know, but-" 

"It suits you, very elegant," Azra interrupted gently, before he could spiral too much. "Have you been saving it for a special occasion?" 

Anthony chuckled softly and tilted his head slightly. "You know me too well. Yeah, I was saving it for my birthday, but I thought...I thought why not." 

"I'm very glad you did," Azra answered sincerely, gesturing for him to come closer. "I'm getting hungry, though." 

Anthony chuckled and Azra saw the way he relaxed even more, clearly relieved. He smiled to himself and handed Anthony a knife, then kissed his cheek. 

"Do you want to do the veggies?"

"Sure," Anthony hummed, and they got down to work, starting dinner off quite efficiently. They'd had time to get used to using the kitchen together, and they liked cooking together, sharing that time to make something for their family. 

Once the dinner was in the oven, Azra started getting out the ingredients for the dessert, and their ability to cook efficiently spiraled downwards quite quickly. Anthony was the first to get playful, as usual, patting Azra's cheek with a floury hand when they were supposed to start rolling out the pastry, and Azra responded by leaving a white handprint on Anthony's black dress, right over his backside. Anthony struck back by grabbing Azra gently and pinning him back against the counter. He pulled him into a slightly rough kiss that Azra reciprocated eagerly, his hands sliding into the alpha's hair and tugging lightly just as Anthony reached down and grabbed at his ass through his slacks. 

Azra let out a soft sigh, his head tipping back slightly and Anthony took the opportunity, nipping at Azra's throat as he rolled against him. His scent was overpowering, pouring over Azra, soothing him, reassuring him that he was in trusted hands as he moaned ever so softly. Anthony's hands migrated to the front of Azra's body and the omega gasped as he felt his belt being undone, a hand slipping down the front of his slacks easily, but hesitating. 

"Is this okay?" 

"Yes! Please," Azra gulped, each word a struggle to force out through his gripping arousal, but he got his reward soon enough as Anthony's hand found its target, fingertips rubbing against Azra's cock lightly. 

Azra groaned and shuddered as Anthony's other hand tugged at his bow tie, managing to undo it and toss it aside as Anthony pressed closer into him, kissing up his neck lightly.

"A-Anthony!" Azra whimpered, and the alpha froze, pulling away slightly. "I'm fine!" Azra added hurriedly, before he could go too far. "I just...I want more," he admitted softly, and Anthony smirked, starting to move his fingers again slowly, pressing them further and allowing them to slip into Azra's already slick and needy passage. 

"Yeah? Tell me what you want, omega," he purred, and Azra choked on a moan, bucking his hips forward, forcing those fingers as deep into him as they could get. 

"F-fuck! I want everything! I want you to fuck me!" He cried out shakily, and Anthony grinned, his spare hand dipping into Azra's pocket and pulling out a condom. He arched an eyebrow and Azra blushed, but held his gaze. "I may have planned this," he admitted softly, and Anthony chuckled, nuzzling at his jaw lightly and setting the condom on the counter carefully. 

"I'm very glad you did, my love." 

Azra let out a happy sigh and Anthony smiled, pulling him into another kiss that started slow and effortless, but quickly became needy, desperate. Azra found himself pinned to the counter again, his hips rolling as he was fucked with Anthony's long fingers, his head tipping back as his shirt was opened, each button revealing a bit more skin for Anthony to kiss. And then Azra was shedding the shirt off his shoulders, tossing it aside and gasping as Anthony's lips found his neck again, his spare hand coming up to roll one of Azra's nipples between his fingers. 

Azra moaned and grabbed at the counter for stability, just as those fingers slipped from him and Anthony was impatiently tugging at his slacks, dragging him into another desperate kiss. Leaning into it happily, just as needy as his alpha, Azra kicked his trousers and panties away and reached up, finding the clasps and zipper on Anthony's dress, undoing it all with slightly shaky hands. The alpha stepped back briefly to let it fall onto the floor, but before Azra could even have a moment to admire his partner's body, he was being pushed up against the counter again, his thighs grabbed and squeezed, his body hot against Anthony's. 

"Counter," Anthony growled softly and Azra followed his lead, scrambling up and nearly knocking over the bag of flour in his haste to spread his legs. Anthony stepped back slightly, slipping his underwear off and letting his cock free, already rock hard and leaking. He tore the condom open quickly and rolled it on, then stepped forward, grinning at his partner as he reached out and gently grabbed at his legs. Fingers dug into Azra's ample flesh; not painful, but pressing into him sensually, claiming, owning. He gasped and spread himself wider, inviting, and Anthony dragged him closer, one hand tangling in his hair, pulling him down into a slow, deep kiss. 

Azra positioned himself as close to the edge of the counter as he could get and felt that tip nudge against him before suddenly plunging inside. He cried out into the kiss, his eyes rolling back, his body jerking in absolute ecstasy at the feeling of being filled by his partner for the first time in weeks. Anthony took the rest slowly, giving Azra time to adjust, time to enjoy the feeling of being opened up. Burying his face in Anthony's neck, Azra clung to his alpha, whining happily as he finally felt Anthony's tip press up against the end of his passage. 

"You good?" Anthony asked softly, and Azra gasped, nodding quickly. 

"Y-yeah! I'm ready," he mumbled, and Anthony nodded, capturing his lips in a much softer, gentler kiss before starting to thrust slowly. Azra hooked his legs around his partner's hips and leaned back slightly to get a better angle, his whole body shuddering as the alpha slid through him easily. The pleasure shivered through Azra's body with each push, and he groaned happily, gently grabbing at Anthony's back and using his legs to pull him deeper. Anthony got the message immediately and began to speed up, the kiss getting more and more heated as Azra's little gasps and whines escalated until he finally broke away to moan, his head tipping back, his muscles twitching. 

Anthony adjusted his grip slightly and began to really thrust, causing Azra to squeal out as every sensitive spot inside him was hit all at once, a massive rush of pleasure shuddering through him. He melted into Anthony's grip, relaxing and just enjoying himself as the alpha grunted, his lips finding Azra's neck once again and worshipping his skin. 

Azra tilted his head back even further and the thrusts sped up just a little more, making him squirm and tighten his legs around Anthony, forcing him to thrust deeper and sharper. Anthony groaned softly and Azra's eyes rolled back in his head, his body twitching slightly as he felt the build up. 

"Ahh! Keep going, I'm gonna-" 

Azra cut himself off with another loud, happy squeal, his fingernails digging into Anthony's back as he came, Anthony grunting and driving in deep, rocking a few times before Azra's clenching muscles drove him over the edge too, and he moaned softly in his omega's ear, his arms sliding tighter around him, cradling him lovingly as they both panted and trembled. 

After a few long moments, Anthony stepped back, sliding from Azra and turning away to take the condom off. Azra let out a deep sigh and slowly slid off the counter, stumbling a bit on shaky legs as he bent down to pull his panties back on. 

Anthony grabbed his own underwear and tugged it up, then stepped closer to Azra and wrapped an arm around his waist, pulling him into a quick, loving kiss.

Azra melted into the touch, his arms sliding around the alpha, clinging to him contentedly. Anthony broke the kiss first and simply hugged Azra tightly, rocking him from side to side slowly. 

"I'm so happy you feel comfortable enough with me to do stuff like that," Anthony murmured after a brief, easy silence. Azra nodded slightly, pressing himself closer into his alpha. 

"So am I. I like having fun with you," he sighed happily, then gently began to pull away. "I'll go get us some pajamas and clean myself up a bit," he announced, and Anthony nodded, glancing at the messy counter. 

"I'll clean up." 

* * *

Once they were wrapped up in warm pajamas, they finished making dinner with plenty of playful kisses and loving, softly-spoken compliments. They ate while the movie was running, cuddled up on the couch, and simply enjoyed each other's company. After dinner, Azra piled on the blankets and found himself half in Anthony's lap, his side pressed to the alpha's chest, his body curled. He couldn't get enough of his partner's warmth, enough of that feeling of Anthony with him, beside him,  _ close _ to him. The movie finished soon after he'd gotten comfortable, so Azra put on some random show and tucked himself back up against Anthony, purring as those strong, tattooed arms wrapped around him. 

"You're doing really well with Emily," he said after a while, and Anthony sighed contentedly, tightening his grip on Azra slightly. 

"I think it's more a case of her doing well with me," he pointed out quietly, his thumb rubbing over Azra's ribs as he spoke. "Having someone else in the house who takes up your parent's attention is a big adjustment for a six year old." 

"She has thrown a few tantrums," Azra chuckled, and Anthony smiled, nodding slightly. 

"True. But she's doing well, even so. And you know I love her, I really enjoy spending time with her." 

"Good," Azra murmured, running his hand over Anthony's chest as he settled even further, his eyes slipping closed. "You're basically her other parent now," he mumbled, and Anthony shifted slightly, clearing his throat. 

"Only if um...that's okay with you." 

Azra chuckled and shook his head slightly, his arm sliding around Anthony gently. "Don't be silly. It's not like you're stepping into a role that was previously filled. It's not essential, but it's good for kids to have two parents around, and we both know that Gabriel wouldn't have been able to be a parent, even if he'd stuck around to find out. I know I was holding on a bit too tight to start with, but I trust you with her completely. I want you to become that for her, if she started calling you 'Dad' I wouldn't bat an eyelid," he said softly, squeezing Anthony gently. "So please don't worry about upsetting me or anything, okay?" 

Anthony nodded and let out a soft sigh. "I'd like that, you know. I...I missed out on my daughter with Ben, and I'll never forget about her, but...it feels good to be there for another child. And for you, as well, you're a fantastic parent, but it's always nice to have help." 

Azra let out a soft little sigh and ran his hand down one of Anthony's arms. "Mm, it's been so good having you here," he murmured, and Anthony kissed the side of his head, squeezing him a little tighter. 

"Good, because I like it here," he chuckled softly, and Azra smiled to himself contentedly, letting his breathing start to slow as he relaxed even further into his partner's chest. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! I hope you enjoyed this one, I know I'm a bit behind on answering comments, I promise I will get to that soon! I haven't forgotten about you <3 I just wanted to get this up before I go to bed.   
> The next chapter is where things start to get a bit more angsty again, so keep an eye on the warnings from here on out! <3<3


	34. Chapter Thirty Four

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter contains: panic attacks, angst.

Anthony gently steered Emily over to the table, helping her up into the booth and sliding in after her. Azra sat beside him and smiled at Anathema and Newt across the table while Anthony tried to help Emily with her coat. 

"How are you guys?" Anthony heard Azra say, just as he slipped Emily's coat off and got her focused on her kid's menu and crayons. 

"Yeah, good," Anathema smiled, then glanced at Newt and gave a soft laugh. "We um...we actually have some news for you guys," she went on, and Azra smiled eagerly, leaning forward slightly. 

"Hit me." 

"We're going to start looking into adoption," Anathema announced proudly, and Newt smiled as she spoke, his eyes lit up with just as much excitement as Anathema's. "We've gone to the doctor and we definitely can't have our own kids, but we really, really want to parent. So um. Yeah, it's probably going to be a really long process, but we're going to get started." 

Azra grinned, shaking his head slightly. "I'm so, so happy for you guys, I didn't expect this at all, but you're going to make such great parents!" 

"Well, we've had plenty of practice borrowing Emily," Newt chuckled, and Anathema jumped in, grinning. 

"Yeah, now you can start returning those babysitting favours!" 

Anthony smiled to himself and ran his hand over Azra's thigh under the table, just enjoying the happy moment while Azra asked questions and joked and laughed with his friends. After a few minutes, Anthony looked down at Emily, then picked up a crayon and joined her silently, until a hand on his side made him jump. 

"Are you okay, darling?" Azra asked softly, his eyes full of quiet concern as he reached up to brush his hair back from his face. "You seem quiet." 

Anthony nodded slightly, then gave a soft sigh. "I'm just a bit stressed, that's all. The meeting I had today went really well, but I have so much to do, and it's getting on top of me a bit," he admitted quietly. "But I'll be okay, I promise."

"I know," Azra said simply, his firm tone lending Anthony some confidence. "You're going to finish it and it's going to be fantastic, I'm sure of it." 

Anthony smiled and just nodded slightly, then went back to colouring with Emily, talking to her quietly. 

* * *

After dinner, Anthony drove them home, glancing in the rearview mirror every so often to see Emily's head nodding in the backseat as she struggled to stay awake. 

Azra was the same, curled up in his seat with his eyes closed, so Anthony left them both to it until they got home. As soon as he pulled into the driveway and shut the engine off, Azra woke with a soft sigh, so Anthony got out of the car and walked around to open the back door. He leaned in and carefully unbuckled Emily's seatbelt, lifting her out of her seat as gently as he could. She barely stirred, so he shifted his grip slightly and cradled her against his chest as he straightened up. Azra hurried over and shut the car door, smiling at Anthony as he carried Emily towards the house. Once the front door was unlocked, Anthony slipped through, nearly stepping on a letter that had fallen from the letterbox. Azra snatched it up out of the way and Anthony kicked his shoes off hurriedly. 

"I'll go put her to bed," he whispered, and Azra nodded, kissing his cheek before watching him walk off. Anthony climbed the stairs slowly and carefully, laying Emily down in bed and slipping her shoes off. He managed to get her changed into her pajamas without her waking, and tucked her into bed with a soft chuckle. He kissed her forehead and stroked his knuckles down her cheek, his heart heavy and full of love as he just gazed at her little face. 

After a minute or two, he tore himself away and got up, turning the light off before he headed downstairs. 

"She's in bed, didn't even stir," Anthony announced as he walked into the kitchen and stopped dead. The letter was lying on the floor, the torn envelope beside it, and Azra was huddled on the floor, pressed back into the corner as he shook, struggling to breathe. Tears were streaming down his cheeks, and Anthony recognised the distant look in his eyes. 

He hurried over, grabbing the letter before kneeling in front of his partner, his heart beating a little faster as he reached out to touch his cheek. Azra jumped, his eyes suddenly focusing on Anthony, wide and scared, his breathing still hitching in his throat. 

"Azra, angel, I'm here, it's okay," Anthony murmured, his heart feeling as if someone was tearing it in half, the sheer terror on Azra's face physically hurting him. "Shhh, sweetheart. Cuddle?" He opened his arms and Azra whimpered, snatching the letter from his hand and holding it out, the paper shaking as Azra trembled. Anthony took it carefully, moving to sit beside Azra, one hand on the omega's thigh as he began to read. 

_ Dear Azra,  _

_ I see you've changed your name. It's such a shame, I liked your old one. Although I suppose I never really used it. In any case, it doesn't matter. I know that you had the baby. That surprises me, I assumed you wouldn't want any reminders of me in your new life. You even changed your gender to distance yourself from me, after all. I wasn't ready then, that's why I left, I panicked. But now I am, and I'm going to file for full custody. It seemed appropriate to at least let you know what my plan was, so it doesn't come as a major shock. I hope to hear from you soon, perhaps we might settle this outside of court.  _

_ Much love,  _

_ Gabriel  _

Underneath he'd written a phone number and an email. Anthony stared at it for a moment, feeling sick to his stomach, then folded the letter neatly and set it aside as rage flowed in, pouring through him, replacing the confusion. He turned and gently pulled Azra into his arms, holding him tightly as he sobbed and shook. He cradled the omega's head in one hand and rocked him slowly, his jaw tight, his heart racing. 

Anthony couldn't believe the arrogance or the complete lack of remorse. It didn't seem as if Gabriel had any real understanding of what he'd put Azra through, and the little flourish of transphobia was just the cherry on the shit sundae. 

Once again, Anthony had that feeling that he could quite happily commit murder, his grip on his partner tightening as he remembered that awful video. All of that had been orchestrated by one man, the man who now wanted to get his hands on Emily. 

Anthony shuddered and felt Azra's hands clutching at him as the omega finally started to calm down enough to breathe, his arms sliding around Anthony, clinging, needy. 

"Shh, I've got you," Anthony soothed, almost reflexively, then blinked and squeezed Azra tightly. "I won't let this happen, I promise you. We'll go to a lawyer first thing tomorrow morning, okay? And if he tries to lay a finger on you, I'll kill him," Anthony growled, the rage flaring, fuelled by the natural, instinctual desire to keep all other alphas far away from his claimed omega, on top of his more personal feelings about Gabriel. 

Azra continued to sob softly, his hands trembling as he grabbed at the back of Anthony's shirt, so Anthony just kept rubbing his back, slow, gentle circles. 

Once Azra had calmed down enough to stand, albeit shakily, Anthony wrapped an arm around his waist and supported him all the way up the stairs, stripping him down and dressing him in his favourite pajamas. Then Anthony changed hurriedly and helped Azra into bed, immediately pulling him into a loving cuddle. 

Azra buried himself in the alpha's chest, his whole body trembling still. He wasn't sobbing anymore, but Anthony could feel the omega's silent tears soaking into the front of his shirt. He felt numb and clumsy, his best no longer good enough. 

He couldn't kiss this one away, he couldn't even get Azra to stop crying. Nothing he tried was enough, nothing made him feel better. On some level, Anthony knew it wasn't his fault, he knew that this panic was well beyond anything Azra could calm down from and it had nothing to do with his ability, but it still made him feel inadequate. And scared. 

He was just as scared as his partner. After all, he'd heard plenty of stories about custody battles, and he knew that ninety nine percent of the time, the child went to the alpha. Anthony winced at the thought and clutched Azra tighter, forcing himself not to think about losing Emily, not yet. Instead, he focused on rubbing slow circles into Azra's back and holding him as tightly as he could, trying his best to silently reassure him. 

After a while, probably at least an hour, although Anthony didn't time it, Azra finally exhausted himself and drifted into unconsciousness, his grip on Anthony going loose as he relaxed. Anthony heaved a sigh and simply closed his eyes, doing his best to follow Azra into an uneasy sleep. 

* * *

Anthony woke in darkness, the bed beside him empty. A glance at the clock on the bedside table told him it was nearly three in the morning, so he got up slowly, yawning as he headed downstairs. Azra was sitting on the couch, his knees hugged against his chest, the TV playing some old cartoon practically on mute. 

"Can't sleep?" Anthony asked softly, and Azra jumped, turning his head to look behind him. 

"Nightmares," he answered simply. Anthony nodded and turned, walking away quietly. He went into the kitchen and filled a mug with milk, giving himself time to think while he heated it up and stirred in the syrup. Then he walked back to Azra and sat down beside him, handing the mug over. 

"Thank you," Azra mumbled, his voice so soft that Anthony wasn't sure if he'd heard it at all. 

"Do you want to talk about the nightmares?" He asked tentatively, and Azra shook his head. 

"Absolutely not. That would make them feel too real," he sighed, and Anthony nodded slowly. 

"I understand. Can I do anything, sweetheart?" 

Azra smiled sadly, wrapping his hands around the mug as if trying to leech every drop of warmth he could. "Not really. Not any more than you already are doing, anyway." 

Anthony sighed and wrapped an arm around Azra's shoulders, relaxing as the omega leaned into him slightly. "I'm so sorry, my love. But we'll fight. We'll get through this." 

"I hope you're right." 

"When am I ever wrong?" Anthony murmured, having to force a chuckle. Azra managed a shaky smile and gave a small shrug, then closed his eyes and simply rested his head against Anthony's chest. 

* * *

The next morning, as soon as they'd dropped Emily at school, Anthony drove to a small office in town, holding Azra's hand tightly as they slipped through the doors. They had to wait for ten minutes or so, and Azra couldn't stop his leg from bouncing, his hands shaking as he kept glancing around nervously. 

After a while, they were called into a small room and sat down in front of an expansive desk. The man behind it was short and had an impressive moustache, as well as a nice, friendly smile. 

"You must be the Crowleys, am I right? I'm Mr. O'Rien." 

Azra winced, and Anthony jumped in quickly, squeezing his hand. "Actually we're not married or mated," he said quietly.

O'Rien hesitated, then nodded slowly. "Okay. So, tell me everything." 

Azra leaned forward slightly and Anthony sat back, rubbing his thumb over his partner's knuckles as he just listened. 

"I was with an alpha from when I was seventeen. We were never mated, and he was...incredibly abusive. I um...I got pregnant and he left, I had the baby. Um. I met Anthony and he's moved in and everything, he's my um.." Azra glanced back at Anthony and managed a tiny smile. "My long term partner." 

O'Rien nodded, making a few notes on a pad. "Okay. Do you have proof that he was abusive, any police reports or anything like that?" 

Azra looked down sharply, his cheeks flushing slightly. "I um. I never went to the police, but he um...he used to take videos of me being...abused and some of them were posted online. They're still there." 

"Okay, go straight home and download them, okay? I know it's awful to have them, but if he has access, he can get them taken down," O'Rien said urgently, and Anthony nodded, reaching over to rub Azra's back lightly. 

"I also have a lot of scars," Azra admitted quietly, rolling up his hoodie sleeves. The lawyer's eyes widened and he made another note. 

"That's a good thing to show the judge, it's not direct evidence, but it's good to really hammer the point home. I would also bring copies of her school reports, maybe ask her teachers to write down something about how well she's doing in school and that she should stay at the same school." 

Anthony nodded, and Azra glanced at him nervously, his eyes a little wet. 

"I'm going to be honest with you two," O'Rien went on quietly. "This isn't good. In the eyes of the court, proving that he was abusive to you doesn't prove that he will be an unfit parent. It's a great help to your case, don't get me wrong, but with just that, I'd give you a fifty percent chance this comes out the right way. Worse if you get an alpha judge. The system is just far too biased against omegas, which is ridiculous when you consider that the old fashioned belief is that omegas are only good for taking care of children, but there you go. Sexism doesn't have to make sense, I guess." 

Anthony stared for a moment, then shook his head slightly, the rage coming back, making him tremble. 

"So what do we do?" Azra asked softly, his voice broken and on the verge of tears. 

O'Rien sighed. "I'm not telling you this, okay? You don't want it called into question. But if you two were mated, and brought all that evidence in with you, I'd give you a ninety percent chance this comes out the right way." 

Azra was silent for a moment, and then Anthony stood up abruptly, gently tugging Azra up with him. 

"Thank you so much for your time," he said sincerely, knowing with every fibre of his being that Azra was about to break. 

"Let me know if you have any more questions," O'Rien answered, and Anthony shook his hand before herding Azra out of the door and all the way out into the street. As soon as the fresh air hit, Azra began to sob, and Anthony sighed, wrapping him up in a tight, loving embrace. 

"Shhh, my love. Shh. I'm here, it's okay." 

"I-it's not!" Azra choked, jerking away from him and glaring at the pavement as tears cascaded down his cheeks and gathered on his chin. "He's fucking ruining everything! I c-can't do this anymore! It doesn't make any fucking sense!" 

Anthony sniffed, his nose starting to sting as tears welled up, the broken tone to Azra's voice sending shards of glass through his heart. He took a deep breath and drew Azra into another gentle hug, cradling his head as the omega squeezed him tightly, pressing himself as close to Anthony as he could possibly get. Anthony took a deep, shuddering breath and let the tears fall, rocking Azra ever so slightly as they just stood there, clinging to one another. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey!   
> Hope you guys enjoyed this return of the angst! I know a lot of you saw this coming, but I hope it's still fun to read! <3<3


	35. Chapter Thirty Five

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter contains: sexual content, shittons of fluff.

Azra sat with his hands wrapped around a mug of tea, his side pressed against Anthony's as he stared at nothing. A hand stroked through his hair and he jumped, but gave a soft sigh as he relaxed. 

"What are you thinking?" Anthony asked gently, and Azra leaned forward to set his mug on the coffee table, then settled back again, looking down at his hands. 

"I um...I don't know. I wanted our mating to be special," he admitted quietly. "I know it's silly and all. But I'm a bit romantic really and I wanted it to happen naturally." 

Anthony nodded, slipping an arm around him and pulling him a little closer, that soothing scent washing over him as he tried to breathe through that heavy disappointment. "I understand, I wanted the same. I didn't actually have that with Ben. He went into heat unexpectedly and he asked me to touch him, and I um...well, I went too far," Anthony mumbled, letting out a deep sigh. "We were still teenagers, but yeah...that's why I won't touch you when you're in heat, just in case. I wanted to have a nice romantic time. But look, I don't...I don't see why we have to sacrifice the romance just because we have to move things up a bit. We can have a lovely night in and take our time and have a nice bath afterwards and just...just enjoy ourselves," he pointed out gently, and Azra nodded slightly, pressing closer to his alpha. 

"True. And I can't...I can't lose Emily," he murmured, and Anthony squeezed him nice and tight, pressing a kiss to the side of his head. 

"Of course not. We need to do it, I agree. When are you due your next heat?" 

"What's the date?" 

"The twenty first," Anthony answered promptly, and Azra squinted for a moment. 

"I'm due this weekend," he said quietly, and Anthony nodded. 

"Then let's make plans. We can make it special, I promise." 

Azra let out a soft breath and just slid his arm around Anthony, holding him tightly and drawing every scrap of comfort he could get from his partner. After a few minutes, Anthony broke the silence, his head resting against Azra's. 

"Why do you think he wants her? It doesn't make any sense, he disappears for six years and suddenly wants a kid. I don't get it." 

"Maybe he just wants to hurt me," Azra mumbled, closing his eyes and focusing on that warm, familiar scent to keep him grounded in the present. "It probably took a while to track me down after I moved and changed my name and everything." 

"True," Anthony sighed, shifting position slightly. "What are you going to tell Emily?" 

"Nothing until after we mate," Azra said quickly. "After that, I'm not sure, but I don't want her to know anything until after. And we need to download those videos."

"I started the link on your laptop as soon as we got home," Anthony answered softly, his strong arm squeezing Azra's waist briefly. "Sorry, it seemed like speed was a good idea."

"Thank you," Azra murmured, turning his head into Anthony's neck and hugging him even tighter. "I'll try to find more later."

"Okay, angel. I love you, you know," Anthony hummed, and Azra managed a tiny smile, gratitude pouring through him as he realised that at least he wasn't doing this alone. He had Anthony by his side to comfort him and hold him, and help him keep his daughter. He had to be grateful for that, if nothing else. 

"I love you too, darling." 

* * *

The door clicked and Azra looked up, groaning when he saw Anthony. 

"Fuck." 

Anthony chuckled and leaned in the doorway, his arms folded over his chest. "I take it you aren't feeling any better?" 

Azra sat up slowly and dragged a hand down the side of his face. The cramps from his heat had been getting steadily better all day, but as the pain had faded, the nerves popped up to replace it. "No, I feel mostly okay," Azra admitted quietly, glad that Anthony hadn't come any closer. He could already smell the alpha, and it was already overwhelming, kindling a fire in his chest. "I'm nervous." 

Anthony frowned slightly, shaking his head. "There's nothing to be nervous about, my love. What's worrying you?"

"I just...I've never had enjoyable sex during my heat before," Azra sighed, wishing he could cuddle up to the alpha without getting hot and bothered. "So there's that. And I've never mated before, it's...a big step." 

Anthony nodded slowly, looking away from Azra slightly as he considered this. Then he took a breath in and smiled. 

"Alright. Emily is at Anathema's, we have all the time in the world, okay? We're going to take it slow and gentle and bit by bit. I've taken a pill that should help me keep control more easily, so we should be fine. Does that help?" 

Azra smiled slightly, hugging himself loosely. "Yeah, actually. Just a bit." 

"Good," Anthony hummed, straightening up and flashing his partner a bright smile. "Can I displace you to the couch for a bit? I want to set the room up nicely." 

Azra's heart quickened slightly in his chest - the thought that his alpha would delay taking him during his heat just to make it a little more special making him feel warm and tingly all over. He got up hurriedly and nodded, taking his tartan blanket with him and slipping past the alpha quickly. 

"I'll text when I'm ready," Anthony called after him, and Azra nodded, already hurrying for the stairs so he could get away from the alpha's scent before it overwhelmed him. 

He collapsed onto the couch and curled up immediately, letting his eyes slip closed as he relaxed. The arousal was there, right under his skin, his body feeling hot and needy, but it was manageable so far. He just hoped that he didn't completely lose his control, but he suspected that he would. He loved Anthony, and his body would submit to the alpha so easily, he knew that. But he took a deep breath and tried not to think about it, instead turning the TV on and forcing himself to pay attention. 

After about fifteen minutes, Azra's phone buzzed with a text from Anthony, and he got up slowly, feeling a bit stiff as he climbed the stairs. He hesitated outside the bedroom door, then pushed it open slowly. 

There were candles as always, shedding a warm, flickering glow in the room and illuminating the sheer, slightly shiny fabric that had been tacked up around the bed like a beautiful curtain. Rose petals were scattered on the floor, and Anthony stood in the middle of the room, his hair curled the way Azra liked it, his makeup done to perfection, and a flowing black robe wrapped around his body. 

"Do you like it?" He asked nervously, and Azra chuckled, shutting the door behind him and taking a deep breath. 

"Holy shit, Anthony. It's perfect," Azra grinned, and Anthony slipped his phone out from somewhere in his robe, pressing a button to start quiet music playing in the background. 

"Do you want me to take my robe off?" He murmured, and Azra's breath caught in his throat as he stepped forward, the scent already wrapping itself around his mind, tugging at his consciousness. 

"Yes, please," he managed, and Anthony smiled, shrugging the satin fabric off his shoulders and tossing it to the side. He was wearing his black lingerie set again, with a rose tucked down the front of his bodice. Azra gave a soft little giggle and stepped forward, the proximity to his alpha already making his body feel even hotter, that desire thrumming inside his chest, dragging him closer to Anthony. 

"I love you," he said softly, reaching out and slipping the rose from under Anthony's lace bodice. "I'm so glad I'm going to be your mate. I've wanted it for a long time, I just...I didn't feel ready. But I do now." 

Anthony smiled, resting his hands on Azra's cheeks and stroking his thumbs over the omega's skin. "I've wanted it for a long time as well, I just didn't want to push you or worry you by talking about it, and...and I was still worried about missing Ben or feeling guilty, but my therapist has been really helping with that." 

"Good," Azra purred, finally closing the gap between them and leaning up to kiss his cheek. "I want you, Anthony, and I think as soon as you touch me, I'm going to lose it, so I just wanted to tell you now that you're tied with Emily for the best thing that's ever happened to me." 

Anthony's smile widened, his eyes becoming a little shiny as he slid one hand up into Azra's hair. "I love you, angel. So so much." 

"I know," Azra murmured, and leaned in, meeting Anthony in a soft, slow kiss. 

As soon as their lips touched, Azra felt his heat flare, a whimper crawling out of his throat as desperation rippled through him. He felt empty and neglected, he needed Anthony's hands all over him, he needed to feel him. 

He pulled the alpha deeper, but Anthony slowly broke away, making soft shushing noises. 

"It's alright, angel. We'll get there, I promise," he soothed, but Azra couldn't listen. His brain was already foggy, his thoughts turning to one thing and one thing only. He tugged his clothes off hurriedly, trembling as he grabbed at Anthony's arm, his touch gentle, but his eyes wide. 

"Alpha, please, I need you," he begged quietly, feeling wetness around the upper insides of his thighs, his hands shaking on Anthony's skin. 

The alpha seemed to freeze for a moment, then smiled softly and began to undress slowly, taking his time with every piece and leaving Azra practically drooling at the sight of his partner's soft skin. He left his lacy black underwear in place and gently took Azra's hand, guiding him towards the bed. Azra scrambled to follow, stumbling a bit, his mind spinning and making him feel dizzy. His mouth was dry, his body aching. The scent of the alpha beside him was driving him to distraction, his chest heaving as he climbed onto the bed and laid back hurriedly, whimpering when he felt the mattress sink. 

Anthony leaned over him slowly, smiling down into those desperate blue eyes and purring softly. "What do you want, angel?" 

Azra bucked his hips into nothing, his face twisting in frustration and need, the emptiness almost feeling painful now. "A-alpha!" He cried out, and Anthony chuckled softly, sliding a hand down between their bodies and finding Azra's slick entrance. 

"It's been such a long time," Anthony sighed to himself, then plunged two fingers inside. Azra jerked and moaned happily, his voice a little strangled as his body rewarded him with an intense rush of pleasure. It was like nothing he'd ever felt before, Anthony's fingers rocking inside him sending him to a whole new plane of ecstasy. He writhed under the alpha and felt lips on his neck, his fingers tangling in Anthony's hair, clinging on tightly. 

Anthony bit down on Azra's collarbone and the omega squealed, then moaned happily, unable to stop himself from begging for more, already feeling dissatisfied with the fingers inside him, a mockery of what he truly wanted. 

"Please! Please, Anthony!" He pleaded over and over, and Anthony let out a soft sigh. His fingers slipped from Azra, the weight easing, and Azra whimpered, trying to tug him back. 

"Shh, just getting a condom," Anthony soothed, and Azra sank back to the mattress, trembling. He could barely see, his head aching, his whole body still needing so much more. The tear of a condom packet sent a ripple of joy through him and a moment later, Anthony was leaning over him again, his underwear discarded. He rested a hand on the omega's burning cheek and smiled down at him lovingly. 

"Are you okay?" He asked gently, and Azra choked, grabbing at him desperately, his fingertips digging into the alpha's skin. 

"Please!" He groaned, and Anthony nodded slightly, then kissed him, slow and loving, his tip brushing against Azra's cock before pressing against his folds. It slid easily, catching only momentarily on Azra's wet entrance before burying inside. Azra threw his head back and moaned, the pleasure making him shudder and jerk, his whole body gripped, his breathing short and shallow as he grabbed at the sheets so hard he thought they might rip. 

Anthony groaned as well, finally losing control and slamming the rest of the way inside in one sharp motion. Azra's eyes rolled back in his head and he convulsed, no longer thinking coherent thoughts. That thick length inside him felt almost like a continuous, constant orgasm, the pleasure so overwhelmingly intense that Azra sobbed as Anthony pulled back slowly. 

He tested the water with a couple of gentle thrusts, then, once he'd established that Azra was fine, let his control slip. 

Azra melted. 

Every thrust slammed through him, one of Anthony's hands tangled in his hair, holding his head back, the other around his hip, fingernails digging into his skin. The alpha was breathing even more heavily than Azra, moaning between messy, open-mouthed kisses to the omega's chest and neck, growling occasionally when Azra tightened around him. 

And then the impossible began, Azra's pleasure mounting even further, his moans dissolving into cries and then silence, the sensation too much to even make a sound. Anthony grunted and thrust deeper, and Azra screamed, the alpha's teeth sinking into his skin again as the most intense orgasm he'd ever had ripped through him. He writhed under his partner, jerking away from him even as he plunged deeper. Groaning, Anthony struggled to keep himself upright, but Azra was panting, still in the throes of ecstasy, his eyes closed, his body limp and occasionally twitching. 

After a few moments, Anthony began to slip from his omega, but Azra grunted in protest quickly, rolling onto his stomach and folding his knees under himself, lifting up slightly to present himself to the alpha. 

It didn't take any conscious thought, it was all driven by instinct and the overwhelming desire to experience that all over again. Anthony hesitated, fighting the alpha inside, fighting with instinct and losing. 

Azra squealed as he was filled again, his mouth opening against the sheets, his whole body shuddering under Anthony's. Fingers closed in his hair, jerking his head up, and he moaned happily, his whole being putty in Anthony's hands. 

The alpha began to thrust animalistically, finally losing every part of himself to Azra's heat, and giving exactly what both of their bodies had been crying out for all day. His fingers dug into Azra's ribs, trying to drag him back, trying to get even deeper into him, and Azra cried out again and again, loving every moment. Until he felt that hot, trembling feeling start again. This time, he leant fully into the debilitating orgasm, his mouth open in a silent scream as he bucked and trembled. Anthony held him tightly, fucking deeper into him with each jerk, his body determined to plant his legacy in the trembling omega. He came with a groan, both hands holding Azra's hips in place, rocking into his oversensitive passage a few times before he slipped out and Azra collapsed. 

Azra lay in a barely conscious daze, feeling the bed shift. A moment later, a warm, damp cloth was stroked over him, cleaning him off gently, then another ran over his back and sides, wiping away the sweat as he panted, his eyes half closed. His heat had vanished altogether, replaced with a slight pain in his stomach, just enough to be noticeable. He shifted slightly and a blanket was laid over him, a hand stroking his back through the soft fabric. 

Azra closed his eyes and listened to the footsteps receding, then the stairs creaking, and resisted the urge to call for his alpha, instead just continuing to listen. After a minute or two, he heard the footsteps coming back and opened his eyes in time to see Anthony walking back into the bedroom, pajamas sitting low on his hips and showing off the new black marks poking out above the waistband. His previous marks, which had been a sort of ghost-grey, had completely vanished, the new ones a deep, rich black like a fresh tattoo. 

Anthony crouched down by the bed and smiled at Azra, reaching out to stroke his cheek lightly. "Hey. Do you feel able to sit up, my love? I brought some water." 

Azra let out a deep sigh and tried to move, his exhausted muscles already protesting with deep aches. Anthony chuckled softly and shook his head slightly, stroking Azra's hair. 

"I'll find a straw," he murmured, and Azra sank back into the pillow, drifting off briefly. He woke again when Anthony came back and dutifully drank some of the water he was offered before whining for a cuddle. Anthony seemed more than happy to oblige, sliding under the blanket with Azra and pulling him into a gentle hug.

Azra burrowed his face into the alpha's shoulder and a rush of love ripped through him, love that wasn't his own. He heard a soft gasp from Anthony and the alpha sat up suddenly, dislodging his sleepy and rather peeved omega as he reached for his phone. 

"Sorry, love, I need to check something," he mumbled, and Azra just rolled his eyes, settling down to rest with or without his partner. Anthony gave a soft sigh and laid down again, and Azra immediately pressed up against him, purring when he felt fingers in his hair. 

"Guess what?" Anthony murmured, and Azra grunted sleepily, but didn't attempt a more coherent answer. "You're my mate," Anthony went on in a soft voice, apparently unfazed. Azra just lay there for a moment, processing this, then smiled to himself dreamily. He had a  _ mate.  _ Someone really had loved him enough to claim him for life, to put their mark on him and take his on their body. And that someone was Anthony, the kindest, most loving man he'd ever met, and he could hardly believe it. 

Anthony buried his face in Azra's hair and Azra felt another sudden rush of love, this one tinged with a little touch of sadness. Sadness that wasn't his, that felt more like grief. 

Anthony shifted slightly and then pulled away from Azra, cupping the omega's face in his hands. "Azra, angel, are you...are you feeling odd emotions?" He asked slowly and seriously, and Azra blinked away the final remainders of his post-mating fog, forcing his brain back into gear. 

"Yeah, like um...love, but a little sad," he said quietly, and Anthony nodded, a slow smile spreading across his face. 

"I think you're feeling me," he said very quietly, and Azra's eyes widened, the thought rendering him speechless for a second, not daring to dart across his brain in case simply thinking it might make it untrue. 

"You mean..?" He murmured, his voice trembling ever so slightly. "You can..?" 

Anthony nodded quickly, his eyes starting to get a little wet, his smile getting wider all the time. "Yes, angel, I felt how happy you were, and I felt your love," he answered softly, and Azra blinked, pushing the tears away as he stared at his mate in wonder. 

"What...what does this mean?" 

"It means we're one of those rare couples," Anthony grinned, brushing a stray curl off of Azra's forehead. "When we touch and we're having very strong emotions, we can feel each other's, just for a moment. Apparently it can be trained to be stronger, but...but only like one in a thousand mated pairs have it." 

Azra purred, sliding his arm around Anthony's waist tightly. "We're special," he grinned, and Anthony chuckled, squeezing him tightly. 

"Some people say it's indicative that you've found the exact right person," he added quietly, and Azra curled his fingers against the alpha's bare, scarred back. 

"I didn't need this to tell me that, Anthony. But I'm glad I can shove it in everyone else's faces now." 

Anthony laughed and ran his hand over Azra's side, shaking his head slightly. "You are adorable," he murmured, then leaned in, guiding his mate into a slow, easy kiss. 

After a few seconds, Azra rolled Anthony onto his back and broke the kiss, curling up with his upper body resting on Anthony's chest, his arms folded under his chin. Anthony chuckled and began to stroke his hair, playing with those soft curls lightly and tucking his other arm back behind his head. 

"What do you want to do now, love?" 

Azra let out a contented sigh and thought for a moment before answering, struggling to speak through a yawn. "Mm, I think a nap and then a bath," he murmured, and Anthony nodded, leaning down to kiss his forehead. 

"Alright, angel. But you're going to have to move, you're sitting right against my fresh marks," he mumbled, and Azra smiled sheepishly, slipping off him to lay beside him, but quickly pressing himself into a warm, loving embrace. 

"That's it," Anthony hummed, and Azra was asleep in seconds, drifting off with the scent of his mate clinging all over him. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! Good news and bad news - I've decided to stop putting pressure on myself to reply to comments. I'm still reading them, and I still love seeing them, but with the stress at the moment of being on full lockdown, I just don't have the mental energy to reply to every comment, and it's preventing me from getting the chapters up at my regular pace.   
> I hope you guys understand, I'm doing this so I can continue to get content up for you <3 But please keep the comments coming if you can, they always make me smile!   
> Hope you're all well and safe, my inbox is always open if anyone needs to talk <3<3


	36. Chapter Thirty Six

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There are no warnings for this chapter :)

Azra woke the next morning aching all over. His neck felt especially stiff, and his stomach still hurt. He assumed it was residual cramps from his heat and decided to ignore it, rolling over to curl up against Anthony's chest. The alpha grunted sleepily and wrapped an arm around him, letting out a slow sigh. 

"We need to pick Emily up soon," Azra mumbled reluctantly, and Anthony groaned softly. 

"Mm, we also have no food in the house. How about I go to the store while you pick her up? Divide and conquer." 

"Sounds good," Azra said softly, struggling to keep his eyes open as he soaked up his mate's warmth, basking in the glow of his loving, easy touches. 

"We should probably shower," Anthony added quietly, and Azra hummed agreement, but neither of them made to get up. 

After a few minutes, Anthony gave a quiet sigh as he woke up from his doze, his fingers finding their way into Azra's hair. Azra purred and Anthony sighed once more, then slowly began to sit up, causing Azra to whine as he tried to pull him back. 

"Come on, come shower," Anthony answered with a chuckle, and Azra flipped him off playfully, then dragged himself up and leaned against the alpha's side heavily. 

"Everything aches," he mumbled, and Anthony nodded, getting up and gently pulling Azra after him. 

"Yeah, it was...exercise, I think," he chuckled, wrapping his arm around Azra carefully. "Do you feel okay, though? Nothing painful?" 

"No, just stiffness," Azra replied with a smile, allowing himself to be gently pushed into the bathroom. Anthony turned the shower on and left it to run, slipping his pajamas and shirt off quickly. Azra followed suit, slipping out of the pajamas Anthony had helped him into when he'd woken up freezing in the middle of the night. Then he opened the shower door and stepped under the spray, arms slipping around him almost immediately, the door swinging shut behind Anthony with a soft click. He leaned into Anthony happily, letting out a deep sigh as he felt lips on his neck, kissing his fresh mark. 

"I could give you a massage later," Anthony murmured, and Azra smiled to himself, nodding slightly. 

"That sounds like a very good idea." 

Anthony purred and let go of Azra, reaching around him to grab the soap. Azra turned and leaned back against the shower wall so he could just look at his partner. His gaze fixed on those marks, standing out so black against his skin, a perfect mirroring of the marks on Azra's neck. He felt a swell of pride at that, knowing that the black patches on Anthony's skin were all him, like a fingerprint left behind on his mate. 

After a moment or two of simply watching Anthony while he washed, Azra let out a quiet sigh and stepped under the spray to wash his own body. 

Their shower took a little longer than planned, a few deep, needy kisses dragging it out, but eventually they got clean and dry, and even dressed. Azra sat down on the edge of the bed to watch while Anthony tugged a hoodie on, then smiled as his mate sat beside him, his hand running over Azra's thigh. 

"You okay?" 

"Yeah," Azra nodded, letting out a long breath. "I just...you smell different," he murmured, and Anthony smiled, nodding slightly. 

"Yeah, our scents have both changed, become more like each other. Are you upset by that?" He asked gently, and Azra shrugged, not entirely sure how he felt. 

"I mean...I liked your scent before, and I was used to it, which was helpful, in some ways." 

Anthony squeezed him lightly and kissed the side of his head. "Don't worry, angel. Your mind and body will still react the same way to my scent, maybe a little stronger. It might take you a bit to get used to it, but your body knows I'm yours." 

Azra smiled slightly, letting his head fall onto Anthony's shoulder comfortably. "I'm glad we did this. I think it was...the right time, in the end. We were ready, but we didn't think we were." 

"I agree," Anthony murmured, resting his head against Azra's. "I love you, angel."

"I love you too, darling. But we really need to go get Emily." 

Anthony nodded agreement, but they both hesitated for another minute or so before finally starting to get up. 

* * *

Azra arrived at Anathema's a short while later, parking in the driveway and hurrying into the house. Anathema was in the kitchen, so he called out to her as he took his shoes off, then hurried to find her when she replied. 

She looked up when he walked into the kitchen, her eyes immediately fixed on his neck. "Wow," she said softly, setting aside the bowl she'd been mixing something in and stepping forward. "You did it," she smiled, reaching out tentatively and letting her fingers brush over the new mark slowly. "How do you feel?" 

Azra sighed and leaned back against the counter. "I'm not sure. Well, I'm really really happy about this," he said quickly, gesturing to his neck. "It was fantastic and just...perfect. But I didn't tell you the reason we decided to do it," he mumbled, looking down. "Um. Gabriel is back, and he's trying to get custody." 

Anathema was silent for a moment, and then she stepped forward, pulling Azra into a gentle embrace. He buried his face in her shoulder and clung to her tightly, trying not to start crying all over again. 

"I'm really sorry, Azra. But he's not going to get her, I'm sure of it," she soothed, cradling the back of his head gently. "Anthony won't let that happen." 

Azra nodded slightly, pulling away carefully and taking a deep breath as he forced a smile. "I'll be alright. I don't wanna talk about it too much right now, in case I cry, but um...yeah, at least something positive came out of it, I guess." 

Anathema nodded, reaching out again and pulling Azra's collar down slightly. "You know...they say that the more symmetrical your marks, the stronger the bond," she smiled, tilting her head slightly. "Yours are exactly the same shape." 

Azra grinned, feeling his cheeks flush and simply ignoring it. "We um...we have that emotional bond as well," he said quietly, and Anathema looked at him in surprise, then smiled and let go of his collar. 

"I feel like I'm not as surprised as I should be," she chuckled, gently taking one of his hands and squeezing it in both of hers. "You guys are a great match, and this is just proof. Let me know if you need anything though, okay? I'm here for you if you need to talk about Gabriel or anything." 

"Thank you," Azra smiled, then took a deep breath. "I'm trying not to think about it any more than I have to. I had a great night with Anthony, that's what's important right now." 

"Good, that's a good way to look at it," Anathema smiled, pulling him into another brief hug. "Emily and Newt should be back any minute, they were just walking to the corner shop. How is Anthony, by the way?" She added as she broke away from the embrace to turn back to whatever she'd been stirring. 

"Good," Azra smiled, folding his arms over his chest to watch tiredly. "He's still not having any pain with his back, and he hasn't been taking anything. So we're still all clear. He had a glass of wine with dinner the other night, and I managed to deal with that okay, so that's good." 

"Was that your suggestion?" Anathema asked quietly, and Azra nodded quickly. 

"Yeah, I want to get used to him drinking in small amounts. It's not really a problem for him like the drugs were, and I know he likes wine. I've even started thinking I might try some at some point. I used to like it." 

Anathema shot him a small smile, nodding slightly. "Yeah. That's good, Azra. I'm glad you're pushing yourself a little bit." 

"Yeah, not too much, just...just a bit," Azra hummed, shoving his hands in his pockets. "Apart from the stuff with Gabriel, I haven't had a panic attack in three weeks," he said proudly, and Anathema smiled. "Anthony is getting really good at spotting when I'm spiraling and catching me now, and I've just been a lot less anxious." 

Anathema was about to answer when the front door opened and they both heard a cry of 'daddy.' Emily bounded into the kitchen and cannoned into Azra, who chuckled and scooped her up, holding her against his hip as she slipped her arms around his neck. 

"Hey baby, did you have a good sleepover?" He asked brightly, squeezing her as Newt walked in more sedately with a shopping bag. He kissed Anathema on the cheek and handed her the bag, just as Emily noticed the fresh mark on Azra's neck. 

"Daddy, what's this?" 

The room went quiet and Azra took a deep breath, gently putting her down and crouching in front of her. "Anthony and I mated last night," he said quietly, staring into those wide, bright eyes. "How do you feel about that?" 

Emily frowned slightly, pouting her bottom lip as she thought. "Is he my stepdad now?" 

Azra let out a soft breath and smiled, rubbing her upper arms. "Yeah, love." 

"Then I'm really happy," she grinned, and relief flooded through Azra, warm and slightly tingly. 

"Good, I'm glad," he murmured, sweeping her into a gentle hug. She grabbed at his shirt lightly, clinging to him as he stood up, holding her against his chest. 

Azra smiled at Anathema, his eyes a little wet, and she returned the smile, moving forward to gently shoo him towards the door. He got the message and thanked her softly, collected Emily's things, and headed home after saying his goodbyes. 

* * *

When Azra arrived home, he gently led Emily into the living room and sat her down between him and Anthony, rubbing her back slowly. 

"Do you have any questions for us, love?" He asked softly, and she kicked her feet slightly as she thought for a moment. 

Then she looked at Anthony, blue eyes dark and serious. "Do you love my daddy?" 

Anthony blinked in surprise and then chuckled, stroking her hair lightly. "Yes, I do," he said simply, smiling down at her. "Very, very much." 

Emily nodded, looking down again before biting her lip. "Is this the same as Auntie Ana and Newt getting married?" 

"Sort of," Azra answered, still rubbing her back gently. "We could still get married as well, if we wanted to, but according to the law, we have all the same benefits and protections as married couples. Does that make sense?" 

Emily nodded, then frowned slightly. "Why didn't you guys tell me you were going to mate?" 

Azra winced and Anthony jumped in quickly, his hand on her leg. "We didn't really plan it, love," he lied softly, shooting Azra a meaningful look over Emily's head. "It just sort of happened. But we didn't take it lightly, because it's a very big decision. We hadn't planned it specifically for last night, but we knew we wanted to. Do you understand?"

Emily nodded and Azra breathed a soft sigh of relief. If she knew that they'd mated because of the custody issue, and told the wrong person, it could have brought everything into dispute in court. Although Azra didn't like lying to his daughter, he had to admit that Anthony's quick thinking had been very helpful, and he promised himself that he would tell her as soon as he had full custody. 

"We have something else to tell you, if you're done asking questions," Azra announced quietly, and she nodded, leaning against his arm. 

"I'm done for now, I might think of more later," she said quietly, and Azra nodded, wrapping his arm around her. 

"That's okay, love. You can ask us anything anytime. Do you remember me telling you about your other daddy?" 

Anthony tensed slightly and Emily looked up at Azra, her eyes wide with curiosity. "Yes, you said he left because he didn't want me." 

Azra's breath caught in his throat, but he just nodded, swallowing before he went on. "Well, he sent me a letter. He wants you to go and live with him," he said quietly, struggling to keep the emotion out of his voice. 

Emily immediately pulled a face and grabbed at Anthony's hand, holding it tightly. "I don't want to, I like it here," she protested hurriedly, and Azra winced. 

"I know, baby, I know. I don't want you to go either, and me and Anthony are going to go to court to make sure we get to keep you, okay? I just wanted you to know what's going on." 

Emily nodded and pressed herself closer into Azra's side, staring off at nothing. "I want to meet him, though. He seems exciting." 

Anthony spoke before Azra could get rid of the lump in his throat, his voice gentle. "Well, Em, your other daddy doesn't like Azra very much," he said slowly, and she stared up at him in surprise. "He used to be quite mean to him." 

"Why?" Emily asked, turning to Azra sharply, and he sighed, shaking his head as he looked down at his lap. 

"I don't know, love. It was just the way he was. I understand you wanting to meet him, but I think it's best to focus on the court case first. Is that alright?" 

Emily nodded again and seemed satisfied, closing her eyes as she cuddled closer to Azra. Anthony leaned over and kissed his mate's cheek, then settled back into his seat with a relieved smile. 

Azra squeezed his daughter tightly, his heart still racing from the questioning, having to try to answer Emily diplomatically. He didn't want her to know what his life had been like before he got pregnant, at least not until she was much older. She knew about his scars, of course, but whenever she'd asked about them, he'd managed to steer her questions away. Now she was asking directly about Gabriel, it was much harder to just pretend his life had started with her birth. 

After a few minutes, Anthony got up to start some work, so Azra turned the TV on, found some cartoons, and left Emily to it, hurrying after his mate. He found Anthony setting up on his desk in their bedroom, and winced when the alpha looked up. 

"You okay, angel?" 

"A bit...shaken up," Azra admitted quietly, and Anthony nodded, beckoning him over. 

"How can I help?" 

"A kiss would be a good start," Azra smiled shakily, and Anthony stood up, stroking his cheeks lightly before leaning in and kissing him ever so softly. Azra melted into the touch needily, grasping at Anthony's sides, his hands shaking as he suddenly had the space to feel his fear, his anger, his grief for his old self. Anthony seemed to understand, pulling Azra a little deeper, his arms wrapping around the omega tightly, squeezing him, soothing him. After a moment longer, Azra broke away and buried his face in his mate's chest, feeling it rise and fall as he clung to the back of his shirt. Anthony rested his head against Azra's and held him even tighter, firm but gentle.

"I've got you now, it's alright," he murmured, and Azra felt that odd sensation, becoming aware of an emotion that wasn't his. Once again, it was a rush of profound love, almost bringing tears to his eyes, with a touch of anger; a possessive, protective anger. Azra nuzzled closer to Anthony, wondering what he could feel, whether he could feel anything at all. 

"I can feel you," he mumbled after a moment, and Anthony nodded, one hand sliding up to cradle the back of his head, fingers tangled in his soft, curly hair. 

"I can feel you too, angel. I love you so so much, and it's going to be okay, I promise. I won't let it not be. But I think for now, you should spend time with Emily, keep her company and keep your mind off things. Okay?" 

Azra nodded slightly, squeezing Anthony, reluctant to let go, even after such a long embrace. "Okay." 

"I don't have much to do, I promise. I'll be down in about an hour and we'll do something all together and I'll make dinner, okay?" 

Azra nodded again and slowly began to pull away, his whole being crying out for him to press himself even tighter into that warm chest, but he resisted. "I love you." 

Anthony smiled and kissed him briefly, stroking his cheek with the backs of his fingers. "I love you too, now go be busy." 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys!   
> Once again, I hope you enjoyed this one! The next chapter is going to be quite a bit more intense, so I'll make sure to put warnings on that one! And I'm going to try to reply to some comments today, I may not reply to all of them, but I appreciate them so much and I want you guys to know that reading them makes me feel a lot better, even though I've been really stressed and down about this whole thing.   
> Anyway, I'm going to try to put the next one up tomorrow! <3<3  
> Hope you're all safe and well!


	37. Chapter Thirty Seven

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter contains: panic attacks, dissociation, references to past abuse, transphobia, sexual content.

Anthony parked in the car park and looked over at his mate, then gently took Azra's hands and squeezed them tightly. Azra wouldn't quite meet his gaze, his whole body trembling. 

"Remember to take deep breaths, okay? I'm going to sit with you the whole time. You don't have to say anything, that's why we have a lawyer." 

Azra managed a shaky nod, sniffling a bit as he looked down. "I'm scared," he said in a soft, broken voice, and Anthony quickly leaned over, pulling him into a slightly awkward hug. 

"I know, angel, I am too. But O'Rien is confident and I'm sure it's going to be okay. Let's go in, yeah? It's going to be alright." 

Trembling, Azra fumbled for the door handle and got out of the car, leaning back against it while Anthony got out. He locked the car and walked around to the other side, offering Azra his hand. He took it immediately, lacing their fingers tightly and clinging to Anthony as they walked into the rather intimidating building. 

They found the right room and registered that they were present, then sat down together, hands still locked tightly. After about five minutes, O'Rien walked in and smiled at them, sitting down beside Azra. 

"Did you bring the flash drive?" He asked, and Anthony slipped it out of his pocket, handing it over carefully. 

"There are three on there," he said quietly, and Azra swallowed hard, looking down quickly. His cheeks flushed and Anthony squeezed his hand, trying to comfort him without many options. 

"Good, I printed the screenshots you sent, so we should be all good to go." 

The door at the end of the room swung open and Azra looked up sharply. Anthony's arm slipped around him tightly as a tall man walked in, followed by a slightly smaller, more rat-like man with a briefcase. 

Anthony could smell the alpha scent from the tall man, and felt his jaw clench unconsciously as his grip on Azra tightened. The tall man stopped and smiled in a way that made Anthony feel as if he'd stepped in something cold and slimy while wearing socks. The man's eyes were dull and emotionless, and fixed on Azra, pinning him to the seat. 

"You really have let yourself go, haven't you?" The man sneered, and Anthony's heart pounded in his chest, the rage surging up, the absolute and utter loathing. Gabriel tilted his head and Azra looked down at the floor. 

Anthony had expected tears or a panic attack or even possibly anger, but this was much more terrifying. Azra shut down completely. 

He wouldn't look up, his eyes distant, his body dead still. Even his grip on Anthony's hand went limp, and pain rose up, squeezing Anthony's throat, mixing with the hatred to create a volcano of emotion just waiting to erupt. He'd wondered how Azra had made it through such atrocities, he'd wondered how he hadn't simply lost every shred of himself, and now he knew. Now he'd seen every bit of damage Gabriel had done. 

Azra had withdrawn so far into himself that he didn't respond to Anthony's hand on his arm, not a muscle moving. It was one of the scariest things Anthony had ever seen, and he wanted to shake Azra, to beg him to come back, but he knew that would just make it worse. 

"And you must be the new alpha." 

Anthony looked up sharply to see a hand extended towards him. He blinked slowly, then looked through Gabriel, imagining that he wasn't there at all before turning back to Azra, who was starting to tremble ever so slightly. 

Gabriel snorted and checked in at the desk, then sat down across the room, leaning his elbows on his thighs and staring at Azra. Anthony slipped his suit jacket off and laid it over the omega, marking his territory and, in some odd way, trying to protect his mate from the other alpha's gaze. 

Azra shifted slightly, his grip on Anthony's hand tightening again, and Anthony leaned in to whisper in his ear, his knuckles running over Azra's jaw. 

"I love you, angel." 

Azra let out a soft sigh and seemed to come back to himself somewhat, but didn't look up. His thumb ran over Anthony's and the alpha smiled, pressing a quick kiss to his cheek. He could feel Gabriel's gaze on him, but he simply ignored it, focusing on Azra and trying to keep him as calm as possible. 

After a while, they were finally called into the courtroom, and Anthony helped Azra up, slipping his jacket back on and wrapping his arm around his mate's waist. Gabriel walked forward quickly, slipping into the court first, and Anthony rolled his eyes, following more slowly, towing Azra with him. 

The room was quite big and open, with the judge's desk at one end and rows of empty seats on either side of the aisle. They walked down the middle and sat down at the table on the side of the room O'Rien indicated, and Anthony made sure that Azra was on the end seat, as far away from Gabriel as possible. 

They all stood for the judge and Gabriel's lawyer rose first. 

Anthony did his best to listen, but it was all bullshit about how Gabriel had apparently grown up and now wanted to step into his role as a father, so he tuned out and focused on holding Azra's hand under the table. Azra was still quite shut down, not daring to glance towards Gabriel, keeping his gaze fixed on the judge or on the table. 

Once Gabriel's lawyer was finished, O'Rien stood and cleared his throat. 

"My client has had the child since birth. She has grown up with him, she has always lived with him, and with him has excelled in school and never shown any behavioural issues. The only advantage Mr. Arch has over Mr. Fell is that he is an alpha and Mr. Fell is an omega. However, this is cancelled out, as Mr. Fell is now mated to Mr. Crowley. As such, they have rights to the child, and after one year, Mr. Crowley will be able to legally adopt Emily. In addition, I intend to show that Mr. Arch is an unfit parent, and I have brought evidence to support my claim." 

Anthony glanced across the room and was thrilled to see that Gabriel's perpetual smirk was a little less cocky, his eyes harder. 

The judge nodded, then looked at Gabriel's lawyer. "Do you have any evidence to present?" 

The lawyer glanced at Gabriel, then rose. 

"No, your honour."

"Then proceed," the judge said to O'Rien, who looked over at Anthony and Azra. Anthony rose quickly, untucking one side of his shirt and tugging the waistband of his slacks down to show one of his marks. The judge nodded, apparently satisfied, and Azra rose as well, loosening his tie and unbuttoning his collar so he could pull it down and display the matching marks. 

"Very good, thank you," the judge smiled, and they both sat, while O'Rien opened his briefcase and slipped out his laptop. He took out a sheath of papers as well, and showed the flash drive to the judge. "May I have permission to show some video?" 

Anthony had been watching Gabriel's face, and silently celebrated when the man's colour drained away completely, leaving him as white as a sheet.

"Granted," the judge nodded, and O'Rien set up the laptop, plugging the flash drive in before picking up the file again.

"May I approach, your honour?" 

The judge nodded again, looking curious, and O'Rien walked up to the desk, handing him the file. "These screenshots were all taken from various social media accounts owned by Mr. Arch. They show he has certain tattoos which will become relevant later. I also present Mr. Fell's gender reassignment certificate, as the video shows him from several years ago, and he may be difficult to recognise." 

The judge examined everything carefully and O'Rien walked back to the laptop, pressing play. 

Azra looked down immediately, his cheeks flushing with shame, and Anthony swallowed hard, wrapping his arm around Azra's waist. Azra turned hurriedly and pressed his face into Anthony's shoulder, trembling hands grabbing at him gently. Anthony closed his eyes and focused on holding his partner tightly, until the judge finally interrupted. 

"Thank you, I've seen enough," he said quickly, his voice thick with emotion. Anthony looked up and saw the disgust and anger on the judge's expression as his gaze fell on Gabriel. 

The lawyer looked stunned and slightly angry, and Gabriel was still white, his expression unreadable. Azra buried his face in his hands and Anthony rubbed his back, not needing their mating bond to feel his partner's humiliation. 

* * *

When they finally left the courtroom, there wasn't really any triumph. Just pure, simple relief. The judge had been so disgusted that he had given a court order preventing Gabriel from contacting Emily, and Anthony sincerely hoped it would be the end of it all, but it seemed unlikely. 

As they stepped outside, O'Rien smiled wanly and handed the flash drive back. "I'm glad you two got the right result, but I don't think I'll ever forget that. I'm very sorry for all you've been through, Azra, and I wish you all the best for your future." 

"Thank you very much," Azra said softly, his eyes a little wet as he forced a smile. 

Anthony shook the lawyer's hand and slipped his arm around Azra's waist tightly, watching as O'Rien walked off. He was just about to lead Azra out of the waiting room when the door to the courtroom slammed back and Gabriel stalked out. He made a beeline for Azra, who froze completely, not even breathing as he stared in horror at the angry alpha. 

Without needing to think, Anthony stepped between them, and Gabriel's lip curled, his rage only climbing. 

"Get the fuck out of my way and let me talk to the fat little cunt," he snarled, and Anthony's breath caught in his throat, fury welling up as he struggled to keep himself under control. 

"No," he said simply, knowing he couldn't keep his voice level for any reply longer than a word. 

Gabriel's jaw clenched and he growled, his fists bunching by his sides. 

"Then tell  _ her _ that this shit isn't over, and she's gonna fucking pay, she can't hide behind you forever." 

Anthony lunged, but Azra's arm around his waist stopped him, and Gabriel's lawyer hurried up, dragging his client away quickly. The door swung shut behind them and Anthony turned, his chest heaving, and caught Azra as he nearly collapsed. 

The sobs ripped from his chest and Anthony gathered him into a tight embrace, Azra's pain tearing into him. He gasped, his fingers clutching at his mate, stumbling slightly under his weight. Azra buried his face in Anthony's neck and simply let go, crying and shaking as he clung to the alpha. Anthony didn't even try to talk to him, instead just holding him and trying to focus on how much he loved him in the hopes that he would be able to feel it. 

After a few minutes, Anthony steered Azra to the chairs and sat down with him, still holding him and rubbing his back. 

"It's alright, sweetheart. It's over now," he murmured, and Azra nodded slightly, his sobs finally starting to lessen. "I'm here. We're going to go home and see Emily and have a nice relaxing bath before bed," he went on, trying to get his mate to think about anything other than Gabriel. "I'll make you whatever you want for dinner and we'll eat ice cream in bed." 

Azra giggled softly and slowly pulled away from Anthony, wiping his cheeks as he smiled through a quiet sob. "I love you," he said tearfully, and Anthony smiled sadly, reaching out to wipe one last tear off his cheek. 

"I love you too, angel. Come on, let's go home, yeah?" 

* * *

Anthony helped Azra out of the car and led him up the steps, the front door opening just as he found his keys. Anathema smiled nervously, looking between the two of them. 

"How did it go?" 

"It was awful," Anthony said quietly. "But the judge placed a court order so he can't have any contact with Emily." 

Anathema nodded, stepping forward and hugging Azra tightly. "I'm really happy for you, but I know it must have been awful seeing him again." 

Azra sighed, hugging his friend tightly and closing his eyes. "It's over now." 

Anathema pulled away gently, her hand briefly resting on Azra's cheek before she turned to look at Anthony. "How was your first impression of Gabriel?" 

"He nearly decked him," Azra giggled softly, and Anthony shrugged, smiling slightly. 

"Yeah, I um...wasn't very keen," he admitted, shoving his hands in his pockets and glancing at Azra. "When someone calls your mate fat and then misgenders them on purpose while threatening them, it's not usually going to make a great impression." 

Anathema sighed and shook her head slightly. "Sounds like he was his usual charming self, then. I'll let you guys get on with your evening, anyway, Emily just went down for a nap, she was really tired from school." 

"Okay, thank you so much for watching her," Azra smiled, and Anathema nodded, taking his hand and squeezing it lightly. 

"Of course. I'll see you soon, okay?" 

"Yeah, have a good afternoon," Azra murmured, and Anthony waved as Anathema hurried to her car. Then he gently guided Azra inside and to the couch, sitting down with him. Azra took a deep breath, then looked up at Anthony with a sigh. 

"Can we cuddle in bed? I...I really need some comfort." 

"Of course, my love," Anthony answered quickly, wincing as he remembered how shut down Azra had become when he'd first seen Gabriel. Seeing his mate like that made Anthony want to drag him all the way upstairs and cuddle him under the covers for the rest of the week. 

Before long, they were in pajamas, the TV running quietly while they climbed under the blanket. Azra had already checked in on Emily to make sure she was okay, so he seemed much more relaxed already, although as soon as they were in bed, he pressed himself into Anthony's arms hurriedly. Anthony just hugged him, pressing a soft kiss to the side of his head, trying to get him to calm down even more. 

They both sighed and settled into the mattress, Azra's leg between Anthony's, their bodies pressed as close together as possible. Anthony could feel Azra dozing, but left him to it, just playing with his hair lightly and enjoying his warmth. 

After a while, he heard footsteps and then a quiet knocking on the door and looked up, slightly sleepy. 

"Come in," he called, and the door handle turned to reveal Emily in her pajamas, her thumb in her mouth. "You okay, love?" Anthony asked softly, and she nodded, but walked straight to the bed, climbing up and crawling between Anthony and Azra, wedging herself into a gap that wasn't there until she made it. Azra woke immediately, smiling softly as he began to rub slow circles into his daughter's chest. 

"Thumb," Anthony prompted gently, and she gave him a look, but took it out of her mouth, turning to cuddle up to Azra's chest. Anthony smiled at his mate and stroked his hair lightly, then settled back onto the mattress, laying his arm over both Emily and Azra. 

"Are you okay, baby?" Azra asked Emily quietly, and she nodded, her small fingers curling in Azra's shirt. 

"Really tired," she mumbled, and Anthony rolled over to look at the clock on the bedside table. 

"What do you two want for dinner?" He asked as he turned back, and Azra smiled, his grip on Emily tightening slightly. 

"How about a treat? We could get takeout from that nice Indian place and have ice cream for dessert." 

Emily hummed her approval sleepily, and Anthony nodded, sitting up and stifling a yawn. 

"Alright, I'll go get the menu." 

He wandered downstairs, grabbed the menu from the drawer, and went back to the bedroom to find Azra sitting up against the headboard, Emily curled up in his lap with the blanket pulled up around her. Azra gave Anthony a slightly worried look as he spoke, his voice gentle and quiet. 

"Well, love...you're going to stay with us, you don't have to go live anywhere else," he was saying, and Anthony sat down beside him, running his hand down Emily's back lightly. "And the judge said...well, he said that Gabriel can't see you, because he thinks that he would be bad for you." 

"Why?" Emily prompted immediately, and Azra's eyes widened, his lip caught in his teeth. Anthony jumped in quickly, stroking Emily's hair slowly while he talked. "Because he was mean to your daddy," he explained, and Azra seemed to relax slightly, nodding. "The judge thinks that maybe if Gabriel was mean to your daddy, he might be mean to you too, and we don't want that to happen." 

Emily nodded and cuddled closer to Azra, apparently satisfied with this answer. Azra flashed Anthony a grateful smile and he picked up the menu to change the subject, handing it to his mate. 

* * *

After dinner, they watched a disney movie in bed and Anthony carried Emily to her room after she fell asleep, laying her down carefully and tucking her in. He kissed her forehead lovingly, then slipped out of her bedroom and across the hall. Azra was changing, his shirt missing, and Anthony took a breath, gently catching his arm. 

Azra looked up in surprise and Anthony smiled softly, a rush of love tearing through his chest as he just stared into those beautiful blue eyes. 

"I want to see you. All of you," he announced quietly, and Azra blushed, but obliged, slipping his trousers off and folding them neatly. 

Anthony smiled and slowly went to his knees in front of his mate, his hands stroking over the scars on the omega's legs. He kissed the capital G carved into one thigh, and Azra let out a soft, slightly shuddering breath, his fingers trailing through Anthony's hair delicately.

Anthony relished the touch to his hair and reached up, sliding his hands under Azra's underwear to grab at his backside, squeezing the copious flesh and purring in his throat. Azra giggled nervously and Anthony let his hands drop back down, to the backs of Azra's thick thighs. 

"Tell me," Azra murmured, and Anthony grinned, pressing a kiss to a large burn mark on his upper thigh. 

"Tell you what? How absolutely, utterly stunning I find you? Or maybe how sexy, how every time I touch you like this I just want to have you under me, so I can please you? Or even how much I love you, and your body, and how much I admire you for being so unbelievably strong?" 

Azra smiled, but it was floating on a sea of tears that hadn't yet fallen, a little shaky at the corners. "I didn't feel strong today," he admitted quietly, and Anthony began to stroke up and down the outside of his mate's thighs. 

"Why's that? Because you panicked?" 

"Yeah," Azra mumbled, his cheeks flushing as he avoided Anthony's gaze. 

"That's silly," Anthony said gently, slowly getting to his feet and cupping Azra's face in his hands, tilting his chin up slightly. "You did so well to keep your cool for so long. If that was me, I would have booked it as soon as I saw him, I think you're amazing, sweetheart. I'm so proud of you." 

Azra sniffed a bit, his smile still slightly wet, but he nodded and turned away, slipping his underwear off before climbing onto the bed. Anthony's eyes widened, a little stir of arousal starting in his stomach as he walked over slowly. He dimmed the lights, then got onto the bed, gently spreading Azra's legs so he could kneel between them, his hands running over his mate's sides slowly. 

"Look at you," he gushed softly, feeling the scars under his skin and loving every single one. Every scar was part of Azra, for good or bad, and Anthony loved every inch, every aspect of his mate. He loved the way Azra made him feel, the way he smiled, how brave he was, how gentle. It would have taken him all day to list everything he loved about Azra, but only a few seconds to deny there was anything he didn't love. 

Azra giggled softly and gently batted his hands away, but drew his knees up, his legs falling further open as if in invitation. Anthony chuckled to himself and leaned over his mate, cupping his cheeks, kissing him softly. His hands ran down again, unable to resist that perfect, marked skin, his fingers brushing Azra's nipples and causing him to jerk slightly. Azra giggled again and squirmed slightly, biting his lip as Anthony gazed down at him, utterly transfixed. 

"Christ, you are perfect," Anthony breathed, and Azra blushed even darker, no longer pretending to protest as Anthony's hands ran down further, finding his thighs and pushing his legs as open as they would go. Azra sighed deeply and Anthony purred, diving in and kissing at Azra's neck, showering him in affection and moving slowly downwards. Occasionally, he stopped to praise Azra, to tell him how beautiful he was, how strong, how adorable. Azra simply basked in it all, shivers of delight running through him as Anthony kissed his scars and squeezed his hips. He kneaded his knuckles into Azra's love handles, gently squeezing at his flesh, fingers pressing in. 

A soft moan escaped Azra's lips, and Anthony chuckled, a rush of the omega's pleasure and relaxed, trusting anticipation making him even more sure of himself. 

He kissed his way down to Azra's hips, then up one of his thighs, keeping his legs spread wide. Azra trembled, his fingers tangling in Anthony's hair, their breath quickening together as anticipation gripped them both. And then Anthony tasted his mate, lapping over him and hearing the muffled, happy moan. His fingers dipped inside and Azra bucked, Anthony's jaw working as he focused his attention on the head of his mate's short cock. Azra let out a deep sigh, his back arching slightly, and then began to pull on Anthony's hair gently, gasping as he spoke. 

"We need to talk! Please!" 

Anthony sat back hurriedly, leaning over Azra and rubbing his side gently. "Did I do something wrong?" He asked quickly, a sudden sharp pang of worry making him feel breathless. 

Azra smiled, his eyes a little cloudy from pleasure, his legs still spread wide. "No, darling. You're perfect. I just...I wanted to talk about having sex. I want to go all the way, but I'm a bit worried about having flashbacks after today," he admitted, and Anthony relaxed slightly, nodding quickly. 

"Okay, my love. I can take it nice and slow," he suggested softly, and Azra smiled, reaching up to tuck his hair back behind his ears. 

"I'd like that. You're so good at making me feel safe and comfortable, I'm sure I'll be fine." 

"And if not, we can cuddle," Anthony answered with a bright smile, leaning down to kiss Azra's cheek lovingly. "Thank you for talking to me." 

"Thank you for listening," Azra purred, and Anthony kissed him, cherishing the feeling, loving the fact that his mate could be so comfortable with him. He could tell Azra was really making huge strides in his body image with the new therapist he'd just started seeing and his ever-growing confidence in Anthony's love for him. He loved seeing Azra walking around the house without a shirt or simply seeming happy and relaxed whenever they ventured into physical intimacy. Azra had even become more assertive in asking for compliments when he felt like he needed a boost, and Anthony was more than happy to oblige. 

Azra pulled Anthony a little deeper, then rolled his hips up, and Anthony broke away hurriedly, suddenly overcome with desire. He tugged his shirt off and tossed it away, then leaned over Azra quickly, kissing him as he ran his hand down and pressed two fingers into that slick, warm entrance. 

Azra gasped and tipped his head back, breaking the kiss as Anthony took a deep breath and got his excitement back under control. His fingers slid easily, rubbing against Azra's g-spot teasingly, too slow to bring him anywhere close to orgasm, but still using enough pressure to send waves of intense pleasure rippling through him. Azra moaned softly, each breath in a soft gasp, his hips rocking.

"I wish you could see how beautiful you look right now," Anthony purred quietly, dipping his fingers even deeper and watching as Azra's eyes rolled back in his head, his body shuddering. "I love seeing you enjoy yourself." 

Azra's mouth opened in a silent cry, and Anthony slipped his fingers free, kicking his trousers and underwear off and wrapping a hand around himself. He was already mostly hard, but he made a point of sitting back and surveying his mate's body, stroking himself a few times at the sight of Azra so flustered and so open. He was laying everything out there for Anthony to see, and trusting him with everything. 

"I love you," Anthony murmured suddenly, and Azra smiled softly, his eyes slipping closed. 

"Mm, love you too," he mumbled, and Anthony leaned over him, grabbing a condom from the bedside drawer. He ripped the packet and rolled it on quickly, then leaned over Azra, stroking his cheek gently until he opened those stunning blue eyes and smiled up at his mate. 

"Are you ready?" Anthony asked gently, and Azra nodded, pulling him down into a brief kiss. 

"Please." 

Anthony smiled and rested one hand on the omega's cheek, the other wrapping around the base of his shaft. He allowed himself to get lost in those perfect blue eyes and began to press forward, heat spreading over his tip as he slid through those slick folds. Azra gasped and gently pushed at his chest, his body twitching slightly. 

"Lube," he mumbled, and Anthony nodded, grabbing the bottle from the bedside table and spreading a generous amount over his length before pressing his fingers into Azra, making sure to coat his entrance as well. Then he got into position once more, his thumb running under Azra's eye as he pressed forward. He groaned softly as his tip spread Azra open, sliding through his tight entrance slowly, much more easily this time. Azra's head tipped back, his breathing heavy and needy, but deep enough to indicate that he wasn't in pain. 

Anthony hesitated halfway in, trembling as he resisted the urge to slam the rest of the way in and simply take his mate. "You okay?" He managed, and Azra's eyes opened again, blinking up at him in happy surprise. 

"Y-yeah, just...enjoying it," he grinned breathlessly, and Anthony returned his smile, starting to press deeper. Azra's legs wrapped around him loosely and Anthony chuckled, taking the last inch a little quicker, sliding in deep and pressing right up against the end of Azra's hot passage. 

Azra twitched slightly and groaned, his voice happy and relaxed as Anthony's name slipped past his lips. 

"Good. Look at you, all filled up," Anthony purred, and Azra grinned, his eyes still closed, his body limp under Anthony's commanding presence. The first thrust made Azra clap his hand over his mouth, muffling his cry, and Anthony shuddered, then rocked again, Azra's body twitching slightly, fingers scrabbling for a grip on Anthony's sides. With this encouragement, Anthony let out a deep sigh and set himself an easy, rhythmic pace, every thrust reaching as deep into his mate as he could get. Azra jerked and moaned happily, keeping both hands over his mouth now, his eyes shut as he allowed Anthony to lead. 

The alpha ducked, biting lightly at Azra's collarbone as he sped up slightly, fingers grabbing at his hips tightly. Azra's legs tightened around Anthony's lower back, forcing him deeper, and Anthony moaned softly against Azra's skin, speeding up again, but keeping his thrusts shorter and deeper. Azra was whimpering now, the effort of holding back his cries too much, his whole body shuddering. 

But Anthony didn't need Azra's voice to tell him he was close, he could tell by the pattern of Azra's breathing, the way he twitched under him, that clenching of his muscles. 

"That's it," Anthony panted out shakily, one hand finding Azra's cheek, the other slipping between them to find Azra's cock. Azra jerked and gave a muffled squeal, his eyes rolling back, his hips rocking and suddenly going still. A sudden burst of Azra's pleasure broke over Anthony, tipping him over the edge. He drove in deep and gasped, biting back a moan as he spilled into the condom, rocking a few times to ride it out before pulling out. Azra rolled over immediately, curling up with a soft sigh. 

A little worried, Anthony pulled the condom off and tied it, throwing it away before tugging his underwear back on and laying down beside his angel once more. Azra opened his eyes sleepily, and then smiled softly. 

"Are you okay?" Anthony asked gently, and Azra nodded, stifling a yawn. 

"Yeah. My back hurts a bit, that's all. I think I slept funny last night," he answered, his eyelids fluttering closed again. Anthony smiled to himself and slipped his arm around his mate, moving closer to him and running his fingertips up and down a thick scar on his back. 

Azra shifted and nuzzled the pillow, letting out a quiet sigh as he started to drift off. Anthony winced, gently shaking his shoulder and getting an annoyed grunt in response. 

"You need to clean up before you sleep, love," Anthony pointed out quietly, and Azra's beautiful blue eyes opened slowly, blinking in the dim light. Then he nodded sleepily and got up, wandering into the bathroom. 

Anthony yawned and slid out of bed as well, stretching before starting to pick up his discarded clothes, tossing them in the laundry basket before making the bed and crawling back into it, his head falling onto the pillow comfortably. After a minute or two, Azra slipped out of the bathroom and dug a fresh pair of underwear out of his drawer. He pulled them on quickly, then climbed into bed and curled up, Anthony's arm sliding around him automatically. 

"How do you feel, angel?" Anthony asked softly, and Azra shifted closer to him, burying his face in the alpha's chest. 

"Sleepy," he mumbled, and Anthony smiled to himself, starting to stroke Azra's hair slowly and rhythmically. 

"Good," he answered simply, going quiet to allow Azra to drift off again, his body relaxing against his mate's. Anthony couldn't stop thinking, though, his body tired, but his mind racing. After a while, once he was sure Azra was in a deep sleep, he carefully disentangled himself from the omega and got up, making sure to pull the blankets back over Azra before walking out of the room. 

Anthony hesitated on the landing, then sighed to himself and slipped into Emily's room, sitting down on the edge of her bed and resting his hand on her side. She was fast asleep, her thumb in her mouth as always, her chest rising and falling slowly. Anthony just watched her for a while, still going over everything that had happened that day in his mind. He was glad that Emily was all theirs now, that there was an assurance that Gabriel could never get his hands on her, but he couldn't stop thinking about the alpha's threats. Azra hadn't mentioned it, but Anthony got the feeling that maybe he was trying to pretend it hadn't happened so he didn't have to think about it. That maybe voicing his concerns would make them feel too real, too inevitable. 

If that was the case, Anthony couldn't blame Azra. He wasn't sure he'd want to talk about it either, but he also wasn't sure what to do with that worry gnawing at his stomach, telling him that it wasn't over. He didn't believe that Gabriel would just give up. 

Anthony sighed and leaned over Emily, kissing her forehead before getting up and walking downstairs, his hands shaking ever so slightly. He made himself a cup of tea to help him calm down, then curled up on the couch, turning the TV on in the hopes that it might distract him from his anxiety. 

Unsurprisingly, it didn't work, and he found himself just getting more and more tired as he sat there, so eventually he got up and wandered back upstairs. Azra was still fast asleep, exhausted from his long day, so Anthony climbed in beside him and just studied his peaceful face for a moment before kissing his cheek and cuddling up to him carefully. He closed his eyes and gave in to his own exhaustion at last, his worries finally dissipating long enough for him to follow his mate into a deep sleep. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! I hope you enjoyed this one, even though it was a bit tough for our boys! <3   
> I'm still struggling with getting the energy to reply to comments, but I promise I am still reading them and I love getting them!   
> Just a fair warning, the next chapter has some references to self harm and blood, so if you think that might worry you, please contact me!   
> <3


	38. Chapter Thirty Eight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING   
> This chapter contains: panic attacks, flashbacks, vomiting, unintentional self harm, and descriptions of blood. There's also plenty of comfort, but if any of this worries you, message me! <3<3

The next morning, Azra woke alone, a note taped to the pillow beside his head. He rolled his eyes, but smiled to himself ever so slightly, taking it off the pillow to read it. 

_ Good morning, my love. I've taken Emily to school and I'm going to pick you up a fancy hot chocolate on the way home. I called you in sick to work, because I knew you'd be very tired and I wanted to spend a relaxing day together. _

_ I love you - A  _

Azra sighed happily and got up, slipping into the bathroom. As soon as he began to get ready, however, a wave of nausea washed over him and he groaned, bracing against the wall before suddenly rushing to the toilet. 

Once Azra had emptied his stomach, the nausea seemed to fade, so he rinsed his mouth and flushed the toilet, then turned the shower on to heat up, leaning against the wall tiredly as he waited. He figured it was probably due to the stress he was under and left it at that, forgetting about it as he got on with his morning. 

He showered and dried off, pulling on some clean sweatpants and a loose t-shirt before heading downstairs, just as the door clicked and Anthony slipped into the house. 

"Hey," Azra called, and the alpha looked up, smiling brightly. 

"Hey, love! How are you-" Anthony stopped when his foot hit a letter lying on the mat. He bent down and picked it up, then took his shoes off and walked forward, offering the letter to Azra. He took it nervously, reading his name on the front and frowning. It was addressed, but there was no postmark on the stamp, indicating that it had been put through the letterbox rather than sent. 

His heart suddenly pounding, Azra tore the envelope open and tugged out the letter, his eyes widening as he read.

_ I won't forget what you've done. Emily is my rightful daughter, and you've taken her away from me. But don't think that's going to last. I'm not done with you yet, I don't care what you call yourself or what you've done to your body. I don't care that you parade yourself around with that pathetic excuse for an alpha. You always have been and always will be mine. Don't ever forget that.  _

_ Gabriel  _

Azra let the letter fall from his fingers, his eyes wide, his chest already heaving as panic gripped him, cold fingers squeezing his heart, forcing it to beat in an ever-constricting cage. Anthony didn't hesitate to read the letter, instead immediately pulling Azra into his arms, his hand sliding up into his hair. 

"Shhh, angel. I've got you, sweetheart. Deep breaths," he murmured, but Azra was already too far gone. Those arms around him felt restricting, Anthony's voice distorted, becoming deeper, sending shivers of fear through his body. He jerked away sharply, sobbing as he felt pain all over his body, blood running down his skin. Anthony tried to reach for him, but Azra saw Gabriel, scrambling away and then turning and bolting up the stairs. 

He nearly slipped, but righted himself and ran into the bathroom, slamming and locking the door behind him. Collapsing onto the floor, Azra sobbed and shook, smelling nothing but blood and sweat and semen. The tiles were cold under him, and his mind coughed up the image of the smooth basement concrete. Azra didn't even have time to make it to the toilet before he was throwing up, gagging pathetically, his whole body trembling as tears streamed down his cheeks. 

He shuffled away from the mess and fell back against the side of the bathtub, twitching and shaking. He could see Gabriel in front of him, furious, he could hear those awful names in his ears, and when he looked down, he saw ropes around his wrists, tying him to rings set into the floor. Frantic and sobbing as he felt Gabriel coming closer, Azra began to scratch at the ropes, clawing at them, digging his nails in as he tried desperately to free himself. Blood began to well up, smearing on his fingers, but he kept scratching, crying out in fear as footsteps rang out, sharp on the cold, unforgiving concrete. 

Red began to run down his arms, but still he couldn't free himself, and he looked up into Gabriel's eyes and screamed. 

* * *

Azra woke disoriented and shaking. His nightmares slipped away almost immediately, lost forever, but his fear was still there, beating under his skin. Someone was in the bed beside him, facing away from him. Panic tore through him until he finally looked properly. Dark brown hair turned out to be long and red, the figure much skinnier than he'd first thought. And the scent was divine, the softest alpha scent Azra had ever smelled, mixed with baked goods and warmth.

"A-Anthony?" He tried, his voice wrecked, and the figure turned immediately, worried golden eyes wide. 

"Angel? Oh, God, you scared the shit out of me!" Anthony exclaimed, and Azra reached out for him, only just realising that his wrists were wrapped in soft white gauze, expertly finished. He frowned, but Anthony was already pulling him into a tight hug, squeezing him gently. 

"It's alright, my love, I'm here.." 

Azra hesitated for a moment, then buried his face in Anthony's shoulder, drawing that scent into the back of his throat, cherishing it. 

"What happened?" He asked slowly, and Anthony froze for just a moment, then squeezed him tighter. 

"You got a letter from Gabriel and panicked," he murmured, and Azra blinked, his eyes widening as it came rushing back. He shuddered and grabbed at Anthony gently, practically trying to crawl inside him, to hide from the rest of the world in his protective embrace. 

"I-I...there weren't any ropes, were there?" Azra whimpered, and Anthony tensed slightly, stroking up and down Azra's back slowly. 

"All I know is that you screamed and I broke the lock and you were already passed out and you'd scratched both of your wrists to pieces," he sighed, and Azra shivered again, swallowing hard. 

"I...I thought I was tied down," he admitted softly, and Anthony nodded, somehow holding him even tighter. 

"I understand, sweetheart. Don't dwell on it, alright? We're both here now, everything's fine." 

Azra nodded slightly, sniffling a bit as his fingers curled in the back of Anthony's shirt. "Please don't go anywhere. Please," he begged softly, and Anthony gave a deep sigh, his voice coming out thick and full of emotion when he next spoke. 

"I'm not going anywhere, love. I promise. I'm right here." 

Azra whimpered and buried his face in Anthony's neck, simply clinging to him as he tried to forget. 

"We should talk to Emily and the school," Anthony said after a short silence, running his fingers through Azra's hair slowly. "So she'll be safe if he comes up to her when she's at school or anything." 

Azra stiffened, the thought sending a bolt of cold dread down his spine, but he knew Anthony was right. It was best to be cautious. 

"I don't know how long I can live like this," he said softly, and Anthony squeezed him, fingers curling in his hair. 

"If he sends another one, we'll go to the police," he murmured, and Azra nodded, pressing himself even closer to Anthony desperately. 

"Thank you for being here." 

"There's nowhere else I'd rather be right now than here," Anthony answered simply, and Azra closed his eyes, allowing himself to relax in Anthony's arms. 

After a while, Anthony began to shift, mumbling something about his arm going numb, and Azra let go of him reluctantly, letting out a soft sigh as his eyes closed up. A hand ran over his chest, and he smiled slightly, gently grabbing it and lacing their fingers. 

"It's going to be okay," Anthony said quietly, and Azra opened his eyes, rolling onto his side to face his mate. 

"I just don't want anyone hurt," he murmured, running his fingers through Anthony's beautiful, silky hair. "Promise me that you won't let anything happen to Emily? Even if something happens to me."

Anthony clenched his jaw, shaking his head slightly. "Nothing is going to happen to either of you."

"I know, but I need you to promise," Azra pleaded softly, and Anthony sighed heavily, then nodded and leaned in, kissing Azra lightly. 

"I promise. But we'll be okay, all of us."

Azra didn't answer, but just smiled, squeezing Anthony's hand lightly. "What's the time?" 

"Almost time to pick Emily up," Anthony mumbled, running his thumb over Azra's knuckles. "You were asleep for a long time, angel." 

"Probably for the best," Azra muttered, letting his hand slip from Anthony's as he sat up. As soon as he was upright, pain throbbed behind his eyes and he groaned, pressing the heels of his hands against them lightly. 

"Are you okay?" Anthony asked quickly, sitting up beside him and rubbing his shoulder gently. 

Azra shook his head slightly, letting out a quiet sigh. "Headache. I...I need some ibuprofen or something."

"It's probably from all that crying," Anthony tried to joke, and Azra snorted, shaking his head slightly.

"Probably." 

"I'll go get you some meds, anything else you need?" 

"A hug," Azra mumbled, and felt Anthony's lips on the side of his head. 

"You can always have one of those, angel. I'll be right back." 

Azra nodded and sank back against the headboard, pulling the blanket around him tightly as he closed his eyes. After a few minutes, he heard the bedroom door click and Anthony pressed a glass of water into his hand, along with two pills. 

"Here, angel. Drink plenty, okay?" 

Sighing, Azra nodded again and swallowed the pills quickly, downing most of the glass as well. "You might have to pick Emily up alone, if that's alright," he mumbled, and Anthony sat down on the edge of the bed, brushing a stray curl off his forehead. 

"Of course, sweetheart. Why don't you lie down again? Have a bit more rest." 

"I'm sick of resting," Azra muttered, shaking his head slightly and setting the glass down on the bedside table. "All I ever do is fucking rest." 

Anthony hesitated, apparently at a loss, then gently took Azra's hand, squeezing it tightly. 

"Hey, angel. Look at me." 

Clenching his jaw, Azra lifted his gaze to Anthony's, the pissed off feeling that had been rising in his throat, the feeling of being trapped and pinned down starting to fade as soon as he looked into those soft golden eyes. 

"Azra, you need to cut yourself some slack," Anthony said softly, but seriously, his spare hand coming to rest on Azra's cheek tenderly. "You are going through a hell of a lot right now. Your body needs time to recover. I know that you're scared and shaken up, but take a deep breath and try to put things in perspective, alright?" 

Azra managed a shaky nod, drawing his knees up into his chest, but keeping a tight grip on Anthony's hand. "I just feel so helpless," he admitted quietly. "And I  _ hate _ it. Gabriel took everything from me, he turned me into an object, and I...I don't like feeling like I'm moving backwards into that. Does that make any sense?" 

Sighing, Anthony moved around to sit beside his mate, wrapping an arm around his waist loosely. "It makes perfect sense, my love. He's a controlling person, and him just being in your life at all exerts some force over you. But you can resist now, you're a much stronger person than you were back then, and you have me and Emily and Anathema and Newt to support you. Just because he's back doesn't mean your life is ever going to be like that again." 

Azra turned, pressing his cheek against Anthony's chest, his arm sliding around his alpha. "You're good at talking." 

"So you always tell me," Anthony chuckled softly, and Azra managed a shaky smile, his eyes closing up as he relaxed. "Do you feel a bit better? I think you did really well to communicate that to me." 

Although Azra couldn't really get much closer to Anthony, he still tried, breathing in that scent and holding it in his lungs for an extra second or two. "Mm. I didn't really realise what was bothering me until now," he admitted, and Anthony nodded, stroking his hair slowly. 

"I figured, these are really complicated emotions," Anthony murmured, stroking up and down Azra's side gently. "Did you talk to your therapist about doing two appointments a week for a bit?"

"Yeah, she said it was a good idea," Azra answered quietly, his headache finally starting to lessen ever so slightly, his fingers curling in Anthony's shirt as he clung to him gently. "I'm going tomorrow." 

"Good." 

Silence fell for a bit, comfortable and relaxed while Azra sat very still, hoping that if he didn't move or think too hard, then the headache would fade faster. After a while, though, Anthony gently pulled away to go pick Emily up, so Azra sat for a while, then made a decision and walked into the bathroom. 

* * *

When Anthony got back, Azra was soaking luxuriously, having allowed himself to dip into his emergency bath bomb stash. He'd been careful not to get his bandaged wrists wet, and was leaning back against the end of the tub sleepily when he heard the front door open and Anthony's voice calling out. 

"In the bath, darling!" Azra shouted in response, and, a few minutes later, heard footsteps on the stairs. A polite knocking on the slightly open bathroom door made Azra laugh, shaking his head slightly. 

"I'm not here."

"Oh, well I guess I'll have to take these chocolates back downstairs, then," Anthony said in a mock disappointed tone, and Azra smiled to himself tiredly, closing his eyes and sinking a little deeper into the hot water. 

"On second thought, I might be here after all. Depends on whether you brought anything else." 

"Just the chocolate, I'm afraid," Anthony hummed, and Azra could hear the smile in his voice, reassuring him that they could still be normal and happy together. 

"Hm, as long as there's no bad news, I'll take the chocolate. It has to come with a kiss, though." 

"Deal," Anthony chuckled, and slipped into the bathroom. He walked over to the bathtub and crouched down, opening the box of chocolates for Azra to look at.

"I love you so much, Anthony," Azra grinned, and Anthony leaned over, kissing him on the cheek as he took a chocolate. 

"I thought you might like a little treat," he murmured, setting the box aside and rubbing Azra's forearm lightly. "How are you feeling?" 

"A bit more relaxed, the bath is helping," Azra smiled, turning his hand over so Anthony could lace their fingers. "And the ibuprofen has fully kicked in now."

"Good. Emily wants to have a board game night," Anthony said quietly, moving to sit beside the tub and letting out a happy sigh when Azra sank down even further in the water to rest his head on the alpha's shoulder. 

"That sounds fun. Do we have frozen pizzas?" 

"Yeah, I'll do those and some grilled sweetcorn," Anthony answered easily, resting his head against Azra's lightly. "I've thought about this, don't worry. And I got a cake for later, as well as the chocolates. I want to pamper you." 

Azra rolled his eyes fondly and let out a happy sigh just as the door creaked and Emily marched into the bathroom. 

"I want to join the bath party!" She announced indignantly, and Anthony opened his arm out to the side, smiling as she sat down beside him and leaned into him. 

"Did you have a good day at school, baby?" Azra asked her quietly, and she simply nodded vaguely. 

"I wanna play scrabble," Emily said quietly, and Anthony rolled his eyes at Azra, the two of them sharing a fond smile. 

"We can do that later, love," Anthony hummed, stroking her hair lightly, just as she got up and shuffled around, touching the bandages on Azra's arm. 

"What happened?" She asked worriedly, blue eyes wide as she looked up at Azra. He sighed and shook his head slightly. 

"I'm okay, love. I got a bit scratched up this morning, but it's nothing serious or anything like that." 

Emily nodded and leaned over the side of the tub, trailing her fingers in the bathwater. Azra had picked a bath bomb that turned the water almost black, with plenty of glitter, and he wasn't surprised that Emily was captivated. Anthony watched while she played with the sparkly water, but after a few minutes, he reached out and gently stroked her back. 

"Emily, how about you go and get scrabble set up? I need to talk to your daddy." 

She looked up at him, then smiled and nodded, standing up quickly. She gave Azra a little wave that made him chuckle, then hurried out of the bathroom and down the stairs. 

Anthony grinned and turned, gently pulling Azra into a soft, slow kiss, his hand sliding up into the omega's beautiful blond curls and tightening slightly. Azra pulled away, letting his forehead rest on Anthony's, his eyes closing slowly. 

"We need to talk to her," he said quietly, and Anthony hummed agreement, stroking Azra's cheek lightly. 

"Yeah. I printed some pictures earlier, so we can do that maybe before scrabble." 

Azra nodded, pulling away slowly and getting up, stretching before stepping out of the tub. Anthony leaned over and pulled the plug for him, then stood up and kissed him while he wrapped himself in a towel. 

Chuckling, Azra gently pushed him away, rolling his eyes fondly. "Go make sure Emily's not up to mischief, I'll be down in a minute." 

Anthony nodded and Azra watched him go, then dried off and slipped out of the bathroom. He dressed himself in some comfortable pajamas and sat on the bed for a moment or two to collect his thoughts. 

When he finally went downstairs, Azra found Emily and Anthony at the kitchen table, going over her spelling words, so he pulled out a chair and sat down to listen, his cheek propped against his hand, his elbow on the table. 

Once they'd been through the whole list, with lots of praise from Anthony and smiles from Emily, Anthony glanced at Azra and handed him a few folded pieces of paper. 

Azra sighed deeply and leaned across the table, gently taking Emily's hand. "I need to talk to you about something very important, alright?" 

She nodded seriously, suddenly going very still, her eyes wide as she stared at her father. 

"You know how I said you won't have to go live with your other father and the judge said he wasn't supposed to see you?" Azra asked slowly, and Emily nodded again, blinking slowly. 

"Well, I got a letter from him that wasn't...it wasn't very nice," he said quietly, struggling to keep his voice even. "And I'm a bit worried that he might try to talk to you." 

He unfolded the papers and pushed them towards Emily, trying not to look at them so he wouldn't have to see Gabriel's face. "This is what he looks like, love. If you see him, you don't go anywhere with him, okay? You find another adult you trust like a teacher and you stay with them." 

Emily nodded again, and Anthony leaned over, rubbing Azra's arm lightly. 

"We don't think he would hurt you, okay? You don't have to be frightened," he said quickly, and Azra winced, realising he'd probably been a bit too forceful. "But he might try to take you away to make your daddy sad. Do you understand?" 

"Yes, Anthony," she said quietly, and Azra pushed his chair back hurriedly, walking around to the other side of the table and crouching down. 

"Come give me a hug, little one," he murmured, and Emily quickly slipped off her chair and pressed herself into his arms, clinging to him gently. "It's okay, I promise. There's nothing to be frightened of, baby. We just have to be a bit careful for a while."

"Will he try to hurt you?" Emily asked quietly, and Azra clenched his jaw, pain ripping through his chest as he tried not to cry. 

"I'll be okay, darling," he managed, then stood up and forced a smile, pointing to her chair. "Go over your words again, okay? I'm gonna go clean the kitchen a-and then we can play scrabble." 

"Okay," Emily said softly, climbing onto her chair again. Azra stroked her hair and then fled into the kitchen, burying his face in his hands as he leaned back against the counter shakily. The sobs bubbled up almost immediately, and he felt arms closing around him, Anthony's scent washing over him. He buried his face in that familiar chest and allowed himself to cry, his shoulders shaking as he sobbed quietly. 

"It's alright, angel," Anthony sighed, cradling the back of his head and rocking him slightly. "It's okay." 

Azra pulled away a bit, sniffling as he tried to dry the tears cascading endlessly down his cheeks. "I j-just hate it so much," he choked out, those sympathetic golden eyes fixed on his. "He's hurting everyone! He's hurting you a-and Emily, and I just...I h-hate myself, I hate that I let this h-happen, and-" 

"No, no, no," Anthony interrupted gently, cupping Azra's face in his hands and squeezing firmly. "Look at me. You didn't do this. Stop doing that to yourself, none of this is your fault." 

"B-but I should have left him earlier, I-" 

"Then you wouldn't have Emily or me," Anthony pointed out softly, forcing a small smile. "And we both know it's not that easy. Take a deep breath, angel. It's okay to be angry, I'm angry too, but taking it out on yourself isn't. You're doing the very best that you can, and it's a good best, I promise. Emily will be okay, and so will you. We'll get through this," Anthony soothed, running his thumbs over Azra's cheekbones and wiping away his tears as the omega managed to calm down enough to stop sobbing. 

"I just want it to be over now," Azra whimpered, and Anthony nodded, kissing his forehead softly. 

"I know, so do I, angel. It's okay to be upset and scared. But I promise you, we'll be okay. All of us."

Azra forced a washed out smile and slid his arms around Anthony desperately, hugging him as tight as he possibly could. Anthony simply held him, rocking him ever so slightly and letting him calm down at his own pace. 

After a few minutes, there was the sound of small footsteps and Azra quickly broke away from Anthony, wiping his eyes one last time as Emily walked into the kitchen, clutching a piece of paper in her hands and looking worried. 

"I made you something, Daddy," she announced, walking up to him and holding the paper out. "To make you feel better." 

Azra took the paper and blinked hurriedly, taking a deep breath to try to force the tears down again. The drawing was brightly coloured, a very simple pink flower with a yellow middle and a big smiley face. It had a green stem and underneath, in shaky, laborious letters were the words 'I love you Daddy.'

All of Azra's best efforts couldn't stop the tears, and they spilled over into his shaky smile as he crouched down and pulled Emily into a tight hug. 

"Thank you, baby. It's beautiful, and I love you too," he murmured, stroking her hair slowly. "I'll be okay, little one. You don't need to worry about me, I promise." 

"Pinky promise?" 

Azra let go of her carefully and leaned back, holding his pinky out. She wrapped hers around his and he squeezed lightly, then kissed her on the forehead. 

"Pinky promise. Come on, we're supposed to be playing scrabble now! But first, I'll put this on the fridge, yeah?" He said, holding up the drawing. "I'll look at it when I'm not feeling so good, and it'll make me happy. I'm just going to get a drink and I'll come play, okay?" 

"Okay!" Emily grinned, apparently reassured as she skipped off out of the kitchen. Azra shook his head slightly and turned to look at Anthony, who was wiping his own eyes quickly. 

"Jesus Christ, you raised an adorable kid," he chuckled, and Azra sniffed, pinning the drawing to the fridge with a magnet. 

"Yeah, I did, didn't I?" 

"She's gonna grow up to be a very, very lovely person," Anthony smiled, kissing the side of Azra's head lightly. "Now come on, sweetheart. You can't mope all day." 

Azra rolled his eyes and opened the fridge, taking out a bottle of soda he'd left in there last night. "I'm coming, I know. Let me just pour this out and I'll be ready," he protested, and Anthony kissed him softly, then got a glass down from the cupboard and handed it to him. 

"I love you, Azra." 

"I love you too," Azra answered simply, flashing Anthony a smile that was still slightly shaky, but genuine. He poured the soda out and then leaned up, kissing Anthony's cheek before heading out of the kitchen and into a perfect, quiet evening in. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! I hope you liked this one!   
> Once again I haven't had time to reply to comments - I've had to finish a late submission for an assignment - but I have been reading them and enjoying them! And I'm going to make an effort to try to reply to some at some point today, but I'm focusing on keeping my update schedule regular for now. Oh, and with the foreshadowing thing - someone has gotten it, but I'm not going to say who :D
> 
> Btw, a little progress update for anyone interested: I've just started writing chapter 14 of Magpie, and I'm really excited to share it with you guys! I think you're really going to love it! <3   
> Anyway, hope you're all well as always! <3<3


	39. Chapter Thirty Nine

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter contains: panic attacks, allusions to past abuse, stalking, a transphobic slur, useless police, and (since some of you suggested a separate warning) background Gabriel.

Anthony was working at home when he got the call, and by the time he got to the pharmacy where Azra worked, he was shaking. 

He rushed through the door and Azra's boss, John, flashed him a worried smile from where he was serving a customer. 

"He's in the back, I gave him some water," he announced, and Anthony nodded, slipping through the door and finding Azra curled up on the floor, the glass of water sitting disregarded beside him. He was hugging himself tightly, staring at nothing, his eyes red and his cheeks stained with tears. 

"Azra?" Anthony said softly, but the omega didn't look up, so he walked over and moved the water, then sat down beside him slowly. "Can you tell me what happened, sweetheart?" 

Azra shuddered, sniffling as he seemed to come back from wherever his mind had gone, his arms tightening around himself. 

Anthony reached out slowly, tentatively laying a hand on his thigh, and Azra jumped, whimpering as he jerked away from the touch. 

"Shhh, angel. It's just me," Anthony murmured, and Azra finally looked at him, blue eyes wide and swimming with tears. 

"H-he came here," Azra whispered, and Anthony nodded, opening his arms and breathing a sigh of relief when Azra cuddled up to him. The omega's fingers grasped at Anthony's shirt, his whole body trembling as he folded up against his mate's chest. 

"I'm here now, love. It's alright," Anthony soothed, but he couldn't be sure. Not anymore. He could still feel his hands shaking as he pulled Azra closer, trying not to imagine what could have happened if Azra's boss hadn't been there. "What did he do?" 

Azra shuddered and tucked his head up under Anthony's chin, his shakes lessening ever so slightly when Anthony began to stroke his hair. "H-he tried to buy condoms," Azra mumbled, his voice thick and full of terror. "He just...looked at me in this...horrible way, a-and winked and I c-couldn't handle it, I started panicking. A-and so John came over to take over for me and he started laughing and saying how pathetic I was and mocking me for working here a-and just... _ nasty _ things. John asked him to leave and said he can't come back, but I...I'm  _ scared, _ Anthony," he went on, his voice raising almost to a wail and then dissolving into heavy sobs. Anthony's jaw clenched in anger and pain, a flash of Azra's despair tearing into him, adding even more weight to his chest as he clutched at Azra protectively. "You're taking time off work and we're going to the police," he said firmly, rocking his mate ever so slightly. "He's not going to do anything, I won't let him. Now come on, get up. We're going to that cafe next door so you can have a drink and something sugary before I take you home, okay?" 

Azra nodded slightly, sniffling, and Anthony gently pulled away from him, standing up and offering his hand. Taking it carefully, Azra hauled himself to his feet, stumbling slightly and getting caught by Anthony's arm around his waist. 

"That's it, I've got you," Anthony murmured, and Azra closed his eyes, leaning into his chest shakily. "Let's go." 

Anthony gently led Azra out of the store, thanking John on the way and guiding the omega next door. He sat him down in one of the comfortable chairs in the corner, then went up to the counter and bought a hot chocolate and a slice of cake. 

Azra was still shaking slightly when Anthony walked back to him, noticing the way he kept glancing around and jumping at every loud noise. He didn't say anything, though, just smiling worriedly as he handed Azra the mug. 

"Have some, yeah? Deep breaths, angel." 

Azra managed a tiny smile, wrapping his hands around the cup, but the smile was fleeting, gone as soon as a tall figure walked past the window, making Azra flinch slightly. Anthony winced, wishing that he could do something and feeling completely lost. He had no idea how to fix any of this. He wanted to take Azra and wrap him up in a cuddle and kiss him until it was all better, but he knew that wouldn't be enough. 

Azra's worried blue gaze met his and Anthony smiled sadly, letting out a soft sigh. 

"I wish I could do more," he admitted quietly, and Azra looked down into his mug. 

"Short of making Gabriel magically disappear, which is impossible, there's nothing more you can do, darling," he said quietly, his tone quite flat, his expression betraying nothing except simple exhaustion. 

"I know, but-" 

Azra's gaze lifted again, his eyes narrowing slightly. "Now who's being too hard on himself?" 

Anthony sighed, knowing that he was right, but shook his head slightly. "I just want to make you feel better," he mumbled, and Azra chuckled humourlessly. 

"What do you think you've been doing this whole time, Anthony?" He asked sharply, but when Anthony looked up, his expression was soft and loving. "We're getting through this together, but it's going to be shitty. That's just a fact. This is a fucking awful situation, and there's nothing that's going to make it better except it stopping. But you make it bearable, darling. And that's important. You're invaluable, but...but you can't think that it's within your ability to fix this. Okay?" 

Anthony nodded again and Azra leaned forward, grabbing his hand tightly. "Look at me. I love you, Anthony. And the only reason I'm surviving this is you. Let's go home and cuddle, okay? I can still smell him and I need to wash." 

* * *

Anthony unlocked the front door and slipped inside, his foot sending a letter skittering off down the hallway. His heart pounding, he snatched it up and tucked it away in his shirt just before Azra walked in behind him, kicking his shoes off tiredly. 

"I'm going to go run a bath, darling," Azra announced softly, and Anthony turned quickly, kissing his cheek and forcing a smile. 

"Good. I'll come sit with you in a minute." 

Azra nodded and headed off up the stairs stiffly, so Anthony took his shoes off and hurried into the kitchen, slipping the envelope out of his shirt. He opened it with shaky fingers and slid the paper out carefully, his heart sinking when he saw that awfully familiar handwriting. 

_ I know you got my last letter, slut. And I hope you know that when I get my daughter back from that fat fuck of a judge, I'm going to drug your disobedient, disgusting little shit self and remind you of how a real alpha fucks. I know you won't be able to stay with your tranny mate once you remember how good you had it.  _

It went on for a good few paragraphs more, but Anthony only skimmed those, pretty sure he'd gotten the gist of what Gabriel was trying to say after the first three sentences. 

He desperately wanted to burn the blasted thing, but instead he folded it up and tucked it back into the envelope carefully, his jaw set in rage. He couldn't believe that Gabriel seemed to think that Azra would actually go back to him. That Azra would give up love and acceptance and kindness to be beaten and used. But then, people like Gabriel honestly thought that that was the only value omegas had, and Anthony knew that there weren't enough words in the English language to convey exactly how furious that made him. 

Anthony took a few moments to calm down, then wandered up the stairs, going straight to his desk and tucking the letter right up near the back. He didn't want Azra to find it and panic, but if they had to go to the police, it was useful evidence. Just as Anthony closed the drawer, he heard Azra start to sing softly. He froze, eyes wide, his mouth falling open slightly. 

He'd never heard his mate sing before, despite how long they'd been together, and he couldn't understand why. Azra's voice was beautiful and clear, each note absolutely perfect and touched with a slight vibrato that sent shivers down Anthony's spine. He leaned against the wall beside the bathroom door and just listened, closing his eyes to take it all in. The song was unfamiliar, but the emotion was obvious, washing over Anthony in a melancholic wave.

It ended quite abruptly and Anthony blinked, smiling to himself ever so slightly as he knocked, then slipped into the bathroom. 

Azra looked up sharply and his cheeks flushed immediately, his eyes wide. "I'm sorry, I-" 

"It was beautiful," Anthony interrupted quickly, kneeling down by the tub and reaching out to stroke Azra's cheek. "How have I never heard you before?" 

Azra looked down quickly, but leaned into Anthony's touch ever so slightly. "I think you can probably figure that one out for yourself," he murmured, and a flash of anger squeezed Anthony's lungs, his whole body freezing for a moment. 

"Fuck's sake," he muttered, stroking Azra's cheek before leaning over the side of the tub and gently guiding him into a perfectly soft kiss. Azra melted into it, his body trembling slightly as he grabbed at Anthony gently. And then he was pulling away, cupping the omega's face in his hands. "Azra, I would pay to hear you sing," Anthony said firmly, smiling lovingly as he stared into those nervous blue eyes "I promise it's okay. I love you, angel." 

Azra smiled softly and sank deeper into the lavender-scented water, letting out a quiet sigh as he relaxed. His hands as gentle as he could make them, Anthony reached over and took Azra's arm, wordlessly starting to unwind the bandages. Azra looked away quickly, so Anthony made a soothing sound deep in his throat and gently lifted his hand so he could see all around the omega's wrist. 

"You're healing well, my love," he announced softly, and Azra closed his eyes, leaning his head back against the end of the tub. He didn't say anything, so Anthony leaned over and kissed the back of his hand before turning around. He grabbed some supplies from the cupboard under the sink, then gently began to clean the scratches, applying cream to the worst ones and wrapping it all back up again carefully. Then he leaned over and held his hand out until Azra reluctantly placed his other forearm into the alpha's grip. 

"That's it," Anthony praised very quietly, carefully undressing Azra's wrist. He did the same as he had with the first one, and Azra shifted as soon as he was done, blue eyes still hidden from view, his eyes closed. 

"How about we do something fun today?" Anthony suggested, desperate to lighten the mood and make his mate smile at least once. 

Azra's eyelids fluttered open, his usually bright eyes fixing on Anthony's, dulled by exhaustion. 

"I don't think I want to leave the house, I'd rather just cuddle with you."

Anthony sighed and shook his head slightly, reaching over to gently stroke Azra's hair. "I think we need to do something, angel. I...I think spending all day home and dwelling on things isn't going to help. I think we need to be distracted." 

Azra rolled his eyes, but didn't protest, so Anthony kept stroking his hair, playing with the soft curls. "How about the cinema, love? It doesn't take much effort, but it's still not in the house and a nice distraction." 

There was a soft sigh and Azra shrugged, not looking at his mate. "Sure. I can tell there's no point arguing." 

Anthony winced and leaned over, gently turning Azra's head to face him. "If you really hate the idea, we don't have to, okay? I just think it might be helpful." 

The omega pulled his head away from Anthony's hand, his jaw tight as he glared at the bathwater. "No, you're right, I'm just...I feel like shit and I'm angry and-...I don't know." 

Rather worried now, Anthony shifted closer to the tub, rubbing his mate's shoulder lightly. "Do you want to talk about it, my love?" 

Azra shook his head slightly, sinking deeper into the water. "I don't think it would help. I'm just...angry with Gabriel and myself and the world, and.." he trailed off for a moment, then sighed. "I think you're right, I need a distraction." 

"Alright, let's do the cinema, then. We can eat sweets and cuddle and just have a nice time, I promise," Anthony murmured, stroking Azra's hair slowly and gently. "It'll be calm and fun." 

Azra managed a nod, leaning into the touch slightly. "Yeah, okay." 

* * *

Anthony slipped his arm around his mate's waist as they left the cinema. The movie had been terrible, but a good laugh, and Azra seemed to have enjoyed himself, relaxing in the cinema and sharing plenty of soft kisses with Anthony. 

Now, though, he was getting jumpy. Anthony had noticed it on the way into the cinema, although it hadn't been quite so bad then. Every time a tall man walked past them, Azra would flinch into Anthony's side, his eyes wide as he glanced around, constantly on the alert. 

Anthony didn't mention it, in case pointing it out upset Azra, but kept a tight grip on his waist as he led him back to the car quickly. A loud bang sounded somewhere, possibly a car backfiring, and Azra nearly jumped out of his skin, his hands grabbing at Anthony, his eyes wild with panic. 

"Shh, angel. It's alright," Anthony soothed quickly, unlocking the Bentley and very gently pushing Azra up against it, his hands cupping the omega's cheeks. "Look at me, sweetheart. I won't let anything happen to you, I promise. Okay? You're safe, yeah?" 

Azra nodded slightly, leaning back against the car and closing his eyes, his whole body relaxing slightly. Anthony pressed himself a little closer into the omega, not smothering him, but making sure he could feel his presence, and Azra smiled to himself, wrapping his arms around Anthony and burying his face in the alpha's neck. 

"I've got you," Anthony murmured reflexively, and Azra let out a soft little sigh, squeezing his mate gently. They stood there for a good minute or two, just hugging, not quite ready to let go of their distracting afternoon. After a while, though, Anthony's phone buzzed and he took it out to see an event notification, telling him he had to pick Emily up from school in half an hour. He could feel Azra looking, so he turned his phone screen towards the omega, showing him the notification. 

"We should probably go," Azra mumbled, and Anthony nodded, tucking his phone away again and then reaching up, his hand sliding over the omega's cheek, his thumb catching on that bitten bottom lip and pulling lightly. Azra smiled softly and leaned into the touch, then turned, and Anthony let his hand trail down the omega's back just before he opened the car door. 

* * *

The car ride to Emily's school was silent, as Azra seemed lost in thought, and Anthony didn't want to disturb him. He still felt like he really didn't know how to help Azra, how to make him feel any better. Everything he did only seemed to work for at most an hour or two, and even when he was trying his hardest, it just didn't seem to be enough. 

As soon as he was parked in the school parking lot, Anthony reached out and ran his hand over Azra's beautifully thick thigh, and the omega shifted, blue eyes suddenly on Anthony's. They were blank, apart from a hint of worry, and Anthony felt his heart sink slightly. 

"Angel, you know you can talk to me, yeah? I'm worried about you," he said gently, and Azra sighed, nodding slightly. 

"I know, darling. I just...don't really feel like talking at the moment, I'm sorry," he mumbled, and Anthony smiled sadly, leaning over to kiss his cheek. 

"That's okay, angel. But I'm here for you, yeah? Whenever you do want to talk or just want some physical comfort. I love you, so so much." 

Azra smiled softly and took his hand, squeezing it tightly. "Thank you, Anthony. And I love you too," he murmured, just as Emily jogged up to the car and wrenched the door open. She slid onto the seat, giggling to herself. 

"Daddy!" 

"Hey, love," Azra chuckled, turning around to make sure she did up her seatbelt - something the Bentley hadn't had until Anthony had met Azra and things had gotten serious. He'd had them installed just so he could take Emily for rides, since she absolutely loved the car. 

"Did you have a good day at school?" Anthony asked, glancing in the rearview mirror as he began to pull out of the school parking lot. Emily bounced a bit in her seat, apparently too excited to sit still. 

"Yes! We did science today and made a volcano!" 

"Wow, that's awesome, baby!" Azra answered, and once again Anthony marveled at the difference in his mate when his daughter was around. He seemed bright and cheerful, and Anthony knew how exhausting the act had to be. He shifted gear and let his fingertips brush over Azra's thigh before returning his hand to the wheel, and was gratified to see the ghost of a smile pass across his mate's face.

By the time they got home, Emily had told them everything about her day, as she was in one of her talkative moods and was apparently unable to stop. When they got back, Azra gently pulled Anthony aside and kissed his cheek, leaning into his chest briefly.

"Would it be okay if I took a nap?" He asked softly, and Anthony nodded, hugging him loosely. 

"Yeah, of course. What do you want for dinner, angel?" 

Azra shrugged and pulled away, already starting to turn away. "Whatever you want," he mumbled, but Anthony caught his arm, gently pulling him back and into a kiss. To his surprise, Azra smiled into it, his fingers running through Anthony's hair lightly before he broke away, blue eyes staring into gold. 

"Go on, go rest," Anthony said softly, and Azra nodded, turning and walking off upstairs without another word. Anthony stood for a moment, feeling heavy and helpless, then sighed and turned away to go find Emily. 

* * *

Azra didn't wake up from his nap, so Anthony let him sleep, putting Emily to bed and climbing in beside his mate. The night passed peacefully and soon enough, Anthony was waking up to Azra's alarm. He turned it off quickly, before it could wake the sleeping omega beside him, and got up, stretching.

Before he went to wake Emily, he headed downstairs to start the coffee pot, humming to himself. A flash of white caught his eye and dread settled in his stomach when he saw the letter on the mat. He grabbed it quickly and hurried into the kitchen, glancing out of the window that faced the street. A car was parked nearby, a sleek black BMW with dark windows. Anthony couldn't see inside, but he was sure he'd seen the car before, and tried to tell himself that it was because someone who lived on the street owned it, but instinct caused a stirring of fear that tightened his throat. He opened the letter quickly, taking the paper out and unfolding it with shaking hands. A ring fell out of the envelope and he picked it up, studying it. 

It was a plain gold band with an inscription on the inside that made Anthony feel sick;  _ property of Gabriel Arch.  _ It clearly wasn't new, the inscription a little worn and the gold slightly dull, and Anthony nearly dropped it in disgust. He tucked it into his pocket hurriedly, swallowing hard before turning his attention to the letter. 

_ I thought I might return your ring to you. You left it in my room when you left. I know you think that I left you, but that wasn't the case. I intended to spend a day or two away to collect my thoughts, and I came home to find you gone. You forgot who you belonged to, you forgot where you belong. I won't let you forget again.  _

The letter was signed with a flourish, and Anthony shivered, tucking it back into the envelope quickly, along with the ring. He glanced up and saw that the BMW was still sitting there, so he went to the front door and opened it. Immediately, the car started and sped away, and Anthony managed to make a mental note of the last two letters on the license plate before it was gone. 

He slammed the door again and hurried upstairs, his heart pounding in his chest. A backpack was sitting under his desk, so he snatched it up, shoving every letter from Gabriel into it, along with the flash drive they'd taken to court that had both the videos and the pictures of Gabriel's tattoos on it. He scribbled down a quick note about the car, then jogged back downstairs and threw the bag into his car before finally going back inside to get Emily up. 

Fortunately, Azra didn't wake until after he'd left, and Emily didn't seem too worried that her daddy wasn't up yet. To calm his nerves, Anthony sang along to some disney songs with her during the car ride, then got out and gave her a tight hug before she kissed his cheek and hurried into the school building. Anthony straightened up and watched her go, then grabbed at the car door, getting back into the Bentley quickly. 

As he drove, Anthony got more and more nervous, his hands shaking. He glanced in his rearview mirror and his heart almost stopped when he saw a black BMW. It had the same license plate, he was sure of it, so he read it and kept rehearsing it in his head, over and over. 

Luckily enough, one of the traffic lights on the way turned yellow, and Anthony floored it to get across the intersection, leaving the BMW behind. His heart pounding in his chest, Anthony kept checking the rearview all the way to the police station, but the BMW didn't make a reappearance. 

Anthony's phone rang while he was sitting in the station, waiting for an officer to take his report, so he picked it up, careful to speak quietly. 

"Anthony? Where are you?" Azra asked, sounding a bit groggy. 

"Hey, love. Just running some errands," Anthony murmured, trying to sound cheerful. "Do you need anything while I'm out?" 

There was a short silence, then a soft sigh. "No, I'm okay. I'm thinking I might go get a coffee later, just to get out of the house." 

Anthony remembered the car and swallowed hard, his nostrils flaring. "Azra, angel, wait till I get home, okay? I'll come with you, I'd like to come with you." 

"Anthony, you sound upset.." Azra mumbled, and the alpha winced, his fingers tightening around his phone. 

"I'm fine, sweetheart. I'll let you know when I'm on my way home, okay? We'll go out together." 

"Okay," Azra yawned, and Anthony managed a tiny smile at the cuteness of his mate. 

"I love you."

"I know," Azra teased, his voice soft and full of love. "I'll see you soon."

"Yeah, bye love," Anthony mumbled, hanging up just as an officer stepped out of the door and beckoned to him. 

"Come inside." 

Anthony jumped up quickly, grabbing his bag and following the officer down the halls. He was led into a small room with a table and a few chairs, and the policeman sat down, so Anthony took a seat hurriedly. 

"I'm Officer Hastur, you said you're being stalked, is that correct?" 

Anthony nodded, folding his shaking hands in his lap. "Well, he's stalking me and my mate," he said quietly, feeling very small in the empty room, under the critical gaze of the officer. "I have his license plate, and these letters he's sent us," he added hurriedly, opening his bag and pulling everything out, laying it on the table. "He tried to file for custody of the daughter he had with my mate and lost, um...and he's gotten really threatening since then." 

The officer slid the letters out of the envelopes, scanning them quickly while Anthony's leg bounced under the table. 

"He um. He was really abusive when he was with my mate, he used to film him while um...while abusing him, I have some of the videos on this flash drive," he mumbled, and the officer glanced at it before going back to the letters. 

"So he put these through the letterbox? Did he know where you lived before he filed for custody?" 

"Yeah, he um...he found us, I'm not sure how," Anthony answered, feeling as if there was a hand around his throat, squeezing tightly. 

"How long was your mate in a relationship with him?" 

"About three years," Anthony replied, trying to stop his leg from bouncing and failing miserably. 

"And he never filed a report while he was being abused?" 

Anthony's heart sank, nausea rising in his stomach. He had a feeling he knew where this was going. "No, he was too scared," he said, a little sharply, and the officer just nodded, pushing the flash drive towards Anthony. 

"Then we can't take this as evidence," Hastur said calmly, as if it was the most normal thing in the world. 

"Wait, why?" Anthony asked quickly, anger flaring, his fingers curling in his lap. 

"Because it's too long ago and no police report was made, which means it could be faked." 

Anthony blinked, taken aback, but tucked the flash drive back into his bag, deciding not to argue too much. 

"This license plate is incomplete, which means we can't run it. And these letters could have been sent by anyone. I agree that they're disturbing, but you're going to need more solid evidence for us to investigate." 

Anthony left the police station utterly stunned, driving back to Azra's almost on autopilot. 

When he arrived, the black BMW was parked in the street again, but he just ignored it, getting out of his car and hurrying into the house. He made sure to double lock the door behind him, then hurried into the living room. 

"Azra?" 

The omega looked up from the sofa, holding a book up to show his mate. "This is actually quite good, I-...you look upset." 

Anthony took a deep breath and walked over to the couch, sitting down beside Azra slowly. "Alright. Don't be mad at me, sweetheart, but Gabriel has sent more letters," he said quietly, reaching out and stroking his mate's hair lightly. "I didn't show them to you because they're absolutely vile and I didn't want you to hurt yourself again," Anthony went on gently, hating the look of shocked terror on Azra's face. "I um...I took them to the police this morning." 

Azra's expression immediately switched to scorn, his lip curled slightly. "Yeah? And what did they do?" 

"Nothing," Anthony said quietly, and Azra closed his eyes, taking a shaky breath in. 

"I tried to file a report against Gabriel three times when I was with him, and every time they laughed at me, I don't...I fucking hate the police, they're fucking useless," he snapped, and Anthony nodded, gently pulling Azra into his arms. 

"Yeah, they are, angel. I'm sorry, sweetheart. He's stalking us, and I don't...I don't know what to do," Anthony mumbled, suddenly on the verge of tears. "I'm sure it's his car, I-...I'm sorry, I'm supposed to protect you and I have no idea how." 

Azra turned and slipped his arms around Anthony's neck, his whole body shaking, his fingers curling in his alpha's shirt. "It's okay," he sniffed, but it didn't sound like he believed it. "We'll get through this, we always get through stuff together. We'll be okay.." 

Anthony clutched at Azra tightly, burying his face in the omega's neck, his hand sliding up into his hair. "I won't let him touch you." 

"I know," Azra murmured, squeezing him a little tighter. "I love you." 

"I love you too, angel. So much." 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! I know I updated yesterday, but I wanted to get one up today as well in celebration of finishing my last assignment of the term (at long last)!  
> I hope you enjoyed this chapter, even if it's a bit angsty at the moment. The next chapter after this is quite intense, so make sure you pay attention to the warnings and contact me if you're worried!  
> <3<3


	40. Chapter Forty

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING  
> This chapter contains: Gabriel, violence, mentions of blood and stabbing, and a trip to the hospital that is briefly described.   
> Please message me if you're worried about any of this! <3

Azra and Anthony spent the rest of the day trying to come up with some kind of plan, but it wasn't easy. Azra kept breaking down and Anthony would have to drop everything to comfort him, holding him tight and talking to him until he felt okay again. 

Anthony didn't blame him, of course, but it still made coming up with a plan difficult, and by the time they had to go pick Emily up, they had nothing. 

They both got out of the car to wait, and Azra leaned back against it, folding his arms over his chest while he stared at the ground. Anthony sighed, shifting a little closer to him and trying to rub his shoulder. Azra twitched, then looked up at Anthony and relaxed, but the alpha was already pulling away, shoving his hands in his pockets. 

Azra had lost his temper not long ago, sick of being afraid and stressed, and had ended up shouting at Anthony when he'd tried to make a joke. It was making things a little tense, as they hadn't really had a chance to talk it through. Anthony had a feeling that most of the reason Azra was being awkward about it was that he was afraid his mate was angry with him, but he wasn't entirely sure. Unpredictable was the best way to describe Azra when under stress - both his behaviour and his thought processes became harder to understand and sometimes irrational. 

Anthony opened his mouth to say something, to bring it up, but Emily was already running across the car park towards them, waving a piece of paper in the air and grinning. Azra crouched down and she barrelled into him, squealing happily as he lifted her up. 

"I got a hundred percent on my maths test!" Emily shouted, and Anthony gently took the wildly waving piece of paper from her hand, looking over the test sheet with a smile. 

"Well done, love," he said quickly, while Azra opened the car door and gently helped his daughter into her seat. 

"I wanna go get pizza!" She announced, and Azra froze. "Daddy, you said the first time I got a hundred percent this year, we'd go to Pizza Express for dinner!" 

Azra looked over his shoulder at Anthony, his eyes wide with worry, but Anthony jumped in quickly. 

"Your daddy and I need to have a talk about it, okay? How about we go home first and put this on the fridge, yeah?" 

"Yeah!" Emily grinned, and Azra breathed a soft sigh of relief, kissing Anthony's cheek before walking around to get into the car. 

* * *

Once they got home, Anthony set Emily up with some colouring in the living room, then took Azra aside into the kitchen, reaching up to stroke his cheek. Azra flinched and Anthony clenched his jaw briefly, opening his mouth to speak just as Azra did, his eyes cast down in shame. 

"I'm sorry for shouting earlier, I-" 

"It's fine, angel," Anthony rushed out, relieved that it was finally out there and they could talk about it at last. "We're both really stressed at the moment, and I know you didn't mean it. It's okay," he soothed, moving closer to Azra and smiling sadly when the omega stepped forward, resting his head against his mate's chest. 

"What are we gonna do about this pizza?" 

Anthony groaned softly and wrapped his arms around his mate, breathing in that lovely, sweet scent and letting his eyes close up slowly. "I think we have to do it. You did promise." 

"What if Gabriel shows up?" Azra said quietly, and Anthony sighed, squeezing him tighter, one hand sliding up into those fluffy curls. 

"I don't think he'd try anything stupid in a really open public place like that. And if he does, we'll just have to deal with it. Maybe the police would actually do something then," he pointed out, and Azra sighed, pressing himself closer to Anthony. 

"You're supposed to tell me that he won't show up and that it's all going to be alright," he murmured, and Anthony gave a soft, humourless chuckle. 

"I can say that if you'd like, my love. But I didn't think you'd believe me." 

"Yeah, I probably wouldn't have," Azra sighed, gently starting to pull away from the alpha's embrace. "Okay. We'll just go and hope for the best, I suppose. And then after that, we'll go to Anathema's for a few days."

* * *

Anthony was getting quite hopeful, even if he was too nervous to admit it to himself. Emily had nearly finished her pizza, and was trying to kick Azra's legs under the table, causing plenty of light, familial bickering. Anthony was trying to stop her, telling her to focus on her food, but it wasn't any use, so Azra flagged down a passing waiter and asked for a box and the bill. 

Although Anthony could tell Azra was a little annoyed with his daughter, he could also see the relief there; that this was a relatively normal family outing. 

Anthony managed to keep Emily somewhat under control until the box came, still feeling rather over-protective of Azra, and doing his best to reduce any potential sources of stress. Azra didn't seem to mind too much, though, and paid the bill quickly while Anthony loaded the rest of Emily's pizza into a box. Once that was done, they all got up, Anthony grabbing Emily before she could run off and starting to tug her coat on, much to her annoyance. 

"It's too hot in here!" 

"Yes, but it'll be cold when you go outside," Anthony tried, but this didn't work. 

"I'll put it on outside!" 

"No, put it on now," he said firmly, and Emily struggled against him, whining quietly. 

"Why?" 

"Because I said so," Anthony growled, then realised that Azra had suddenly frozen. He looked up at his mate, at the sheer terror in his eyes, then followed his gaze towards the restaurant doors. Just as Anthony turned his head, however, Gabriel was already slamming into him, shouldering him out of the way and grabbing onto Emily's arm. Anthony tried to lunge after her, but Gabriel moved too fast, and the white-faced Emily was dragged well out of Anthony's reach. 

"Give her-" Anthony started, his voice already loud and shaky with apprehension, but Azra had snapped out of his trance, and wasn't wasting time with words. 

Instead, he opted for a primal scream of rage and launched himself at the tall, broad alpha, shocking Gabriel enough to cause him to let go of Emily. Anthony dove in, scooping her off the ground and retreating, his hand over her eyes as Azra threw a punch that sent Gabriel staggering, a kick to his groin almost felling him. Gabriel's dark eyes lifted to fix on Anthony and he lunged past Azra, the flash of a knife glinting in the dim restaurant light. 

His heart pounding in his throat, Anthony just about managed to shove Emily behind him, stepping forward. Gabriel cannoned into him, knocking him back, all the breath rushing from his lungs at once. He braced himself to be punched or thrown to the ground, but Gabriel was already being yanked back, Azra's fingers clenched in his hair. The omega stomped on the back of Gabriel's knee, sending him to the floor, and got down to the business of giving him a good, industrious kicking. 

Anthony turned and scooped Emily up, holding her head against his chest so she couldn't see, shouting at Azra over the din of screaming diners and yelling staff, trying to get him to stop. But Azra was in his own little world, a world that contained only him and Gabriel and a little thing called retribution, and Anthony could tell that there was a part of Azra that was absolutely delighting in watching the abusive alpha bleed. 

Blue lights flashed through the restaurant windows, blinding Anthony, and then police were running in, dragging Azra away. Anthony cried out and hurried over, grabbing at Azra's clothing. 

"Officers, please! It's not his fault, he attacked us!" Anthony gasped, and everything seemed to stop for a second, Azra's eyes going wide as they finally focused on his mate. 

"Anthony!" 

Anthony looked down, past Emily's little body clutched to his, and saw the dark, wet stains spreading out on his shirt. The knife hadn't just been for show. Pain radiated through Anthony as the adrenaline and shock began to fade, leaving him suddenly throbbing and weak-kneed, the world spinning around him. 

* * *

Although Anthony didn't pass out, everything became a bit of a blur after that moment of horrid realisation. The police had managed to be slightly better than useless for once and had arrested Gabriel, leaving Azra free to ride in the ambulance with Emily and Anthony. 

It didn't take long for the A&E doctor to stitch Anthony up, constantly telling him how lucky he was to have been stabbed exactly in the right places, and then he was left in a bed, Emily curled up beside him and Azra holding his hand. 

Anthony groaned softly and stirred, and Azra rubbed his thumb over his mate's knuckles lightly. He'd been crying, his eyes red and his cheeks sticky, but he managed a smile when Anthony looked at him through aching eyes. 

"Are you hurt?" 

"No, darling. I'm fine," Azra murmured, reaching over with his spare hand and letting it rest against Anthony's warm cheek. "And so is Emily. At least physically, we're okay. How do you feel?" 

"Not great, but the anesthetic is wearing off," Anthony mumbled, running his hand over the bandages on his abdomen, where the local anesthetic had been applied in order to patch him up. "And I think I'm still a bit dizzy from blood loss." 

"Yeah," Azra nodded, his eyes sympathetic and soft. "Being stabbed is a bitch. But you'll be okay, darling. Thank you for everything you did, you were really brave," he murmured, and Anthony snorted with pained laughter. 

"You did most of it," he pointed out, and Azra giggled softly, then nodded.

"I suppose I did. I have to admit, it felt quite good," he added softly, and Anthony grinned, reaching up shakily and running his knuckles over Azra's cheek. 

"I could tell, you really didn't want to stop," he hummed, with all the humour of a person still trying to recover from shock, adrenaline, and terror. "It's what he deserved." 

Emily shifted in her sleep and Anthony winced, slipping his arm around her gently. 

"She's very upset," Azra mumbled, scooting his chair closer to the bed and leaning against it sleepily. "I don't think she'll want to go back to Pizza Express for a while."

"I think we should tell her more about Gabriel," Anthony sighed, squeezing her a little closer, his grip gentle, but protective. "I think she deserves to know why...why he's like that. She deserves to know who her father is." 

"He doesn't even deserve to be called her father. He's demoted to sperm donor," Azra said firmly, and Anthony gave a soft, shaky chuckle, sending pain tearing through his body. 

"Fuck," he groaned, and Azra reached up, stroking his cheek with trembling fingertips. 

"You should rest, darling. You'll be discharged tomorrow." 

Anthony turned his head into the touch, closing his eyes slowly. "Mm. Love you." 

"I love you too," Azra murmured, and Anthony felt lips on his cheek, soft and gentle. 

* * *

The taxi dropped them all off quite early the next day, and Azra carried Emily inside, holding her against his chest while Anthony took his shoes off shakily. Then they all went into the living room and sat down, Emily curling up in her dad's lap with her little hands bunched in his shirt, her sharp blue eyes full of exhaustion and dull anxiety. 

Anthony took a deep breath and broke the heavy silence first, his voice coming out a little shakier than he would have liked. "I think your daddy needs to tell you more about Gabriel," he began slowly, and Azra sighed, nodding slightly and gently pushing Emily off his lap to sit between them. She grabbed at him shakily, so Anthony gently took her hand, squeezing it tightly until she relaxed somewhat. 

"Yeah, I do. You know about my scars, don't you, love?" Azra said quietly, his voice trembling as he looked down into his daughter's worried gaze. She nodded slightly, grabbing at his arm again, and he reached up, gently stroking her hair back from her face. 

"Gabriel, your other dad, gave them to me before you were...made," he murmured, and Anthony could tell he was teetering on the edge of tears. "I'm okay now, love, I have Anthony, yeah? But um...I was in a very bad way when I was with Gabriel. He's not a nice person, not at all. I didn't want to tell you this before because I thought you were too young, but I feel like you should know it now," he went on shakily, and Emily stared up at him, her bottom lip wobbling slightly. 

"Does he love me?" 

Azra winced, his eyes filling with tears, and shook his head slowly. "No, I don't...I don't think he can love anyone, Em. But I love you, and so does Anthony." 

"Will I grow up to be bad like him because he's my dad?" 

Azra nearly recoiled, shaking his head much more emphatically this time. "No, love, no, it doesn't work like that, don't worry," he soothed, and wiped the tears away hurriedly as they spilled over. 

"I don't want him to be my dad anymore," Emily announced gravely, then turned her attention to Anthony. "Will you be my dad instead?" 

Anthony felt his heart shatter in his throat and looked up at Azra, who smiled slightly and gave a small nod. "Yeah, if that's what you want, love," Anthony answered softly, the warm glow in his stomach moderated by the horrible sadness of the situation. It was Emily's first realisation that not everyone in her life was good or loving, and he could tell it had shocked her down to her little core. 

"We're going to take you to a doctor soon, okay?" Azra added gently, rubbing Emily's shoulder lightly. "A special doctor who's going to talk to you about things and help you feel better, okay?" 

Emily nodded again, then cuddled closer to Azra, wrapping her arms around his. "Can I sleep with my daddies tonight?" 

"Of course," Azra soothed, shooting Anthony a small, sad smile, which he returned, running his fingers through Emily's soft hair. "How about for now we play some games? Take our minds off things for a bit." 

* * *

They played what seemed like endless games of Mario Kart and scrabble and coloured in countless pages with Emily, trying to keep her relaxed. Every now and then, she would ask Azra a difficult question, like how he'd met Gabriel, and Anthony would subtly comfort him by holding his hand or rubbing his leg while he answered. Emily always seemed satisfied with the answers, but Anthony could see how tense it was making his mate. Having to phrase things in ways that Emily would understand without making it too scary wasn't easy, and Anthony was just proud of Azra for making it through the day without breaking down. 

When they all piled into bed that night, it took Anthony a while to find a comfortable position to lay in, but Emily was asleep almost immediately, curled up between her parents. 

"The police called me this morning while you were getting your stitches cleaned," Azra said softly, and Anthony frowned, reaching across Emily to take his mate's hand tightly. "I have to go and give them a statement tomorrow. They want to talk to you and Emily as well."

Anthony sighed, rubbing his thumb over Azra's skin slowly and gently. "This is going to be shitty, I'm sorry, angel," he murmured, and the omega shrugged, taking a deep breath. 

"The stalking means that he could go to prison for attempted murder since he stabbed you," Azra mumbled, and Anthony nodded slightly, leaning over Emily carefully to kiss his mate's forehead. 

"Well, we can hope, yeah?" 

"Yeah, I just...I don't really want to dredge all that shit up again for people who won't even believe me," Azra muttered, shifting a little closer, his grip on Anthony's hand tightening. "They didn't even believe you, and you're an alpha." 

"Yeah, hopefully we'll get a proper detective this time," Anthony sighed deeply, and Azra simply nodded, starting to look a bit sleepy. 

"I think I need a cuddle," he announced softly, and Anthony smiled, gesturing to the bed in front of him. 

"Come be little spoon, Emily can be the baby spoon," he chuckled, and Azra managed a very small smile, carefully moving his daughter along to slide in beside Anthony. Purring happily, Anthony wrapped his arm around that ample waist, nuzzling the back of Azra's jaw. 

Azra giggled softly and gave a little shiver, batting at his leg lightly. "That tickles!" 

Grinning, Anthony pressed a kiss to his neck, then settled back into the pillow, squeezing his mate even closer, protective, but gentle. Azra let out a quiet sigh, and everything went silent, warmth and relaxation washing over Anthony in thick, sleep-inducing waves. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! I know this chapter is pretty intense, but I hope you liked it! It was one of my favourites to write, to be honest :)   
> Anyway, as always, let me know what you think! And I'm still doing my best with the comments, so if I missed replying to your comment, I promise I'm reading all of them, but replies are still a bit hit and miss at the moment! <3<3  
> Stay safe and well everyone! <3<3<3


	41. Chapter Forty One

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is over 10,000 words I am so sorry lmao   
> It also contains: sexual content and a brief mention of past injury.

Azra poured two glasses of wine, letting out a quiet sigh as Anthony reached around him to take one, briefly pinning him to the counter. 

"Anthony, careful," Azra said, his voice a little sharper than usual, and the alpha winced, stroking a hand down his back. 

"Sorry, angel. Come sit down," he murmured, and Azra sighed, putting the cork back into the bottle and just staring at it for a while. 

"I'm sorry, I'm just...I'm testy because-"

"It's been a very long day," Anthony interrupted softly, his hand finding Azra's hair and sliding through it gently. "Come cuddle and talk to me. You haven't told me how it went." 

Azra nodded and picked up his glass, finally following Anthony out of the kitchen and to the living room. They sat down together, Azra immediately curling into Anthony's side, sipping at his red wine as he closed his eyes. Anthony's arm wrapped around him immediately, lips pressed to the side of his head. 

"Talk to me, sweetheart." 

"The detective I spoke to was really nice," Azra murmured, letting his head rest against Anthony's shoulder, his eyes half lidded as he swirled the dark red liquid in his glass. "She got me some tea and was really nice about asking questions, so it wasn't anywhere near as bad as it could have been, but...I did have a few small panic attacks. It's hard talking about my past with Gabriel to people I don't know." 

"Of course," Anthony sighed, slipping his hand under Azra's shirt to stroke his fingertips over the omega's bare skin. "You did really well. Did she say much?" 

"Yeah, she said they're planning on charging him with attempted kidnapping as well as attempted murder. Apparently yours and Emily's statements were both really useful, and they talked to witnesses in the restaurant as well," Azra sighed, feeling rather numb and drained. As much as he wanted to know that Gabriel was safely locked away, he didn't enjoy dredging it all up again for the police. It was like dragging out your dirty laundry for a nosy, slightly frightening neighbor. 

But now it was done, he reminded himself, turning his head to press a soft kiss to Anthony's neck. He could relax and enjoy his mate's company without having to think or worry about Gabriel. Anthony pulled him closer and Azra leaned forward, setting his wine glass on the coffee table before reaching out and taking Anthony's from him. He opened his mouth to protest, but Azra just giggled. 

"Wouldn't you rather kiss me instead?" He grinned, and Anthony chuckled, swinging himself up into Azra's lap. He flicked his hair back over his shoulder, his body so close to Azra's, warmth radiating off him. Azra gazed up at his mate in awe, his jaw slack, his eyes wide. He couldn't get over how stunning Anthony looked in the dim light, his eyes framed with a touch of eyeliner and copper eyeshadow, his hair - much longer than when they'd first met - bouncing in natural, loose curls around his face. 

He looked like some kind of god, those golden eyes so bright, star-like, the flickering light of a nearby candle reflected in his pupils. 

Azra felt his nose start to sting and Anthony's smile faded, his hands cupping Azra's cheeks lightly. 

"You look like you're about to cry, did I do something wrong?" Anthony asked hurriedly, and Azra chuckled, reaching up to play with a lock of that beautiful red hair. 

"No, darling, not at all. I was just thinking about how absolutely gorgeous you are," he murmured, and was delighted to see the way Anthony's eyes widened, his cheeks flushing. 

"Oh...thank you," he mumbled, tripping over his words slightly, and Azra just leaned up, guiding him into a soft, slow kiss. Although Azra could feel desire stirring in his stomach, he put it aside for the moment, knowing that he wasn't in the right frame of mind, and instead let the kiss become sensual and loving rather than sexual. He pulled Anthony deeper, his hand sliding up and bunching in that long, glossy hair, Anthony's lips parting slightly. His hips rolled and Azra's spare hand grabbed at them gently, stopping him from moving. 

Anthony smiled into the kiss ever so slightly, tilting Azra's chin up and going even deeper, but still moving slowly. His hands found Azra's stomach, stroking lightly, then massaging against his love handles, and Azra let out a soft sigh, reluctantly pulling away from the kiss. 

"How about we watch something and cuddle for a bit?" He suggested softly, and Anthony nodded, running his knuckles down the omega's cheek. 

"Alright. Big or little?" 

"Little spoon," Azra said immediately, and Anthony nodded, pressing a soft kiss to his forehead before standing up off his lap. It didn't take them long to get comfortable under a few layers of blanket, Anthony's arm tucked up tight around Azra's stomach, their bodies pressed together. They chose some random documentary and settled back to watch, but it didn't really work out. At least, not the way they'd expected. 

Azra began to get sleepy almost immediately, and his ability to resist deteriorated over the next half hour or so, until he was finally sinking into black warmth, Anthony still holding him tightly. 

* * *

Azra woke still curled up on the couch, although Anthony was no longer behind him. He could hear humming from the kitchen, so he got up sleepily, padding into the steamy room. Anthony glanced up at him and grinned, tilting his head slightly. "Walk of shame, huh? Same clothes as last night." 

Azra shot him a jokingly disapproving look and he chuckled, gently pulling him back as he moved towards the fridge. 

"I'm making pancakes, come on. I know you love me really," Anthony purred, and Azra rolled his eyes, but relaxed into his mate, feeling those careful, loving arms slip around him from behind. 

"Only sometimes," he grumbled, and Anthony nuzzled his neck, growling softly to make him squirm. "Anthony!" Azra giggled, and tried to break away, but the alpha's grip was too strong, his lips brushing over the skin under Azra's ear. 

"Mm, all mine. How much longer do you have off work?" Anthony murmured, and Azra relaxed slightly, closing his eyes as he leaned his weight on Anthony comfortably. 

"John told me he didn't want to see me for two weeks after I tried to tell him I'd be in today, so I guess two weeks. He seems really worried about me," Azra answered, stifling a yawn before turning around in his mate's embrace and burying himself in that familiar chest. 

Anthony hummed happily, squeezing Azra lightly and letting out a slow breath. "I'm glad he's giving you time off, though." 

"Me too. I want to spend a lot of it with you and Em, I want to try to feel like I'm getting back to normal." 

"Good," Anthony purred, his fingers spreading against his mate's back as he pulled him even closer. "I'm going to have to do quite a bit of work, but we're going to go on a lot of dates, I promise." 

"I'm going to hold you to that when you get grumpy at three in the morning because you've been trying to write the same sentence for an hour," Azra teased, and Anthony snorted. 

"You're going to make me go on a date at three in the morning?" 

"Yes, to bed," Azra grinned, pulling away from Anthony's embrace and slapping his hip lightly. "Idiot. I'll go get Emily up, yeah?" 

"Yeah, just one last thing," Anthony said in a voice that suggested he had something important to say. Azra stopped and raised an eyebrow. Anthony grinned and stepped forward, then leaned down and kissed him lightly. 

"That was it, you can go now," he chuckled, and Azra just rolled his eyes, slipping out of the kitchen before he got stuck there all morning. 

* * *

When Azra got back from dropping Emily off, he hung his keys on the hook, then wandered into the kitchen to get a drink. Instead, he found Anthony sitting on the counter, one leg crossed over the other, a long, deep red dress showing off everything he had. The slit up the side gave Azra a peek of thigh that made him feel weak, the low cut neckline made him want to run his fingers all over the alpha's chest, and the fabric of the dress clung to his hips and waist, accentuating the perfect curves of his body. 

"Holy fuck," Azra said softly, and Anthony blushed, reaching up to play with his hair nervously. His lips were red to match the dress, his eyeliner as perfect as always, his nails long and jet black. 

"I thought we might go for a fancy lunch later," Anthony announced softly, and Azra nodded slightly, still staring. 

"Um...yeah," he mumbled, then swallowed and shook himself out of his trance, a slow smile spreading across his face. "God, Anthony, you are a tease." 

"Maybe just a little," Anthony grinned, and when he tilted his head, Azra saw the flash of a silver earring. "I was thinking we could go early so we have plenty of time...back here before we have to pick Emily up," he added slowly, and Azra got the meaning instantly, his mouth going a little dry at the thought. He really,  _ really  _ didn't want to have to wait until after lunch. 

Even so, the thoughts gave Azra pause, his lip caught between his teeth lightly. "I um...I'd like that," he began slowly, swallowing again when Anthony slid off the counter and began to walk towards him, hips moving in a way that made Azra's whole body feel hot. "But we'd um...have to be slow a-and careful," he stammered, just as Anthony's perfectly manicured hands came to rest on his cheeks, beautiful golden eyes soft with love and tenderness. 

"Of course, my love. Whatever you need," he murmured, and Azra melted into a little puddle inside, a shiver running up his spine. 

"Fuck, I'm a lucky man," he mumbled to himself, and Anthony grinned, pulling him into a slow, tender kiss before breaking away for just a moment. 

"Yes, you are." 

The kiss went on for what felt like ages, but still wasn't long enough. Azra felt those hands in his hair, on his sides, squeezing at him, grabbing, holding. Sometimes gentle, sometimes needy, sometimes rough, but always loving. Fingers kneaded into his skin and he opened his mouth, letting Anthony in, letting himself be dominated. It was so easy to let go with Anthony, to allow himself to be guided and led and possessed, because of that intense foundation of trust they'd had to work so hard to build. 

Anthony broke away slowly, tearing Azra from his thoughts as he rested his forehead against the omega's lightly, his eyes still closed. 

"I have to go do some work," Anthony mumbled reluctantly, his hand sliding around from the back of Azra's head over his cheek. "Be ready for eleven, okay?" 

"Your wish is my command," Azra chuckled softly, and kissed him again before reluctantly letting him walk off, admiring the view as he went. 

Suddenly feeling rather alone, Azra stared at the floor for a while, then gave a sigh and headed to the living room to start cleaning. After all, he had to do something, and he figured it might as well be something productive. 

* * *

When it got to ten thirty, it was about time for Azra to start getting ready, so he went upstairs and gently herded his slightly grumpy mate out of the bedroom, then opened his wardrobe and gave a quiet sigh. He pulled out a light blue shirt, one of his favourite tartan waistcoats - tan with blue accents - and his usual coat. He paired it with tan trousers and finished off with a blue bowtie, then headed downstairs to find Anthony. 

Anthony was, as usual, in the kitchen, poking through the fridge for something to drink. Just as Azra walked into the room, he found the cranberry juice stashed right at the back and made a triumphant noise, pulling it out quickly. 

Nerves beginning to swell in his stomach, Azra cleared his throat quietly and Anthony jumped, turning quickly. 

His eyes went wide, his bright, loving smile spreading across his face as those beautiful golden eyes went soft. "Look at you," he murmured, putting the juice bottle down and apparently forgetting about it entirely. He stepped forward and Azra blushed, biting his lip as the alpha adjusted his tie gently. 

"I know I'm not very good at dressing myself, and-" 

"Oh hush, you look so cute," Anthony soothed, and Azra swallowed, taking a slow breath. 

"I don't know how to look sexy like you," he admitted quietly, and Anthony seemed taken aback, blinking. 

"Well...I assumed you...you didn't want to," he said slowly, running his knuckles down the omega's cheek. "With...Gabriel and all and...besides, I think you do look sexy like this, because I always find you sexy." 

Azra swallowed, suddenly very uncertain. "I mean dress sexy, I just-" 

"It's not your style, angel, and that's okay," Anthony murmured, frowning slightly. "I'm worried, why are you getting upset over this?" 

"I just...I guess I want us to match," Azra sighed, looking down at the floor and shrugging. "And I don't really want to be sexy for anyone else, just...just you and me, I don't...I don't know how to describe it." 

"It's okay, you're doing fine," Anthony smiled, laying his arms on the omega's shoulders and kissing his forehead lightly. "You wanna know when I find you sexiest?" 

Azra felt the blush rising already, but ignored it, nodding slightly as Anthony leaned down, brushing his lips to his mate's before pulling away ever so slightly. 

"Well, when you have no clothes on," he began softly, giving a quiet chuckle. "That one is quite obvious. I love getting to see all of you and hold you and touch you. But failing that, I love seeing you in your t-shirt and pajamas. I love seeing how comfortable you are with me, how you don't think twice about your scars or about looking messy around me. I love how you trust me with those little things, because it reminds me how you trust me with the big things. It reminds me that you trust me to be part of your family and to be your mate." 

Azra could feel his cheeks burning now, tears welling up in his eyes as he gazed up at Anthony fiercely. "I love you," he breathed, and Anthony grinned, pulling him into a soft, slow kiss as those tears fell, liquid joy and love running down Azra's cheeks and making their kiss taste salty. 

* * *

By the time they got to the restaurant, it was clear they were going to have trouble keeping their hands off each other for a whole meal. But Azra didn't mind, he liked playing footsie under the table and cherishing the longing gazes from his mate. He took Anthony's hand as soon as they got out of the car, and Anthony squeezed it gently, leading him forward confidently. Azra followed happily, sticking close to the alpha's side and trying not to feel massively short while Anthony walked along gracefully in four inch heels. 

The door to the restaurant was quite imposing, but Azra felt untouchable next to his stunning mate, and followed Anthony through confidently. He'd never been to such a fancy restaurant before, and he looked around with a slight smile on his face. There were proper tablecloths on the tables, along with candles and single red roses in little glass vases. 

A waiter hurried over, looking very smart in a button-up shirt and tie, his smile friendly as he looked at Anthony with that slight curiosity Azra had come to recognise. 

"How can I help you?" 

"I made a reservation yesterday," Anthony answered, brushing his hair back behind his shoulder as a look of surprise passed over the waiter's face, possibly at the sound of Anthony's fairly deep voice. "Under the name of Crowley." 

"Ah yes, okay," the waiter answered awkwardly, quickly pulling out a list and then looking up. "Come with me." 

Azra was surprised to see that the restaurant was quite busy as they walked through the tables, but as they sat down and the waiter hurried off to get water, Anthony leaned across the table, resting his chin in the palm of his hand. 

"There are so many rich people having brunch here on a weekday," he grinned, and Azra giggled softly, then glanced around nervously. 

"Can we afford this place, Anthony?" He asked softly, and Anthony nodded, gently taking his hand. 

"Don't worry, angel. I've been saving up some money to bring you here for a little while, I wanted us to have a very special date, and they have an event here that's like speed dating or something. It's in the evening every first Tuesday of the month, but they have discount couples menus throughout the day. I know it makes it a bit less special, but-" 

"Oh shush," Azra chuckled, reaching across the table to stroke Anthony's tattooed arm lightly. "It's amazing, darling. And very hot that you did the math to figure out how to bring me somewhere as fancy as this," he joked, and Anthony grinned, resting his spare hand over Azra's. 

"If you've got a thing for nerds, I have a pair of my old glasses somewhere, I could find a bit of white tape," he laughed, and Azra giggled again, wishing he could climb into his alpha's lap and kiss him all day. 

The waiter interrupted by bringing them water, and they both thanked him quietly, then smiled at each other as he walked away. 

"You're almost officially Gabriel free for a good few years, how does that feel?" Anthony said softly, and Azra let out a soft sigh, then shrugged. 

"Good, hopefully he'll get like twenty years in prison or something. But obviously I wish it didn't happen at all, and I'll feel a lot better once we've taken Em to the psychologist. I'm a bit worried about her, she's seemed quiet," he added, and Anthony nodded, tucking one side of his hair back behind his ear. 

"She did talk to me a bit last night, she said she was still feeling a bit scared, but she knew she was safe with us and we wouldn't let anything happen to her," he smiled, although his eyes were a bit sad. "I think she's still confused why Gabriel would want to hurt you." 

Azra sighed and shook his head, glancing around as a table near them burst out into loud laughter. "Well, I don't have any answers for that one," he mumbled, and Anthony reached across the table, gently taking his hand. 

"Me neither, angel. We should probably look at the menu," he pointed out softly, most likely trying to take Azra's mind off Gabriel. Azra managed a slight smile and picked up his menu, taking a deep breath. 

The rest of their lunch was spent with plenty of flirting, lots of little jokes and looks and sharing of food. Anthony took every chance he got to touch Azra, under the table or on the arm, and every touch made Azra feel light and happy, wanted. 

Anthony didn't let Azra look at the bill when he paid, despite the omega's whining, instead giving him a soft kiss and telling him very gently to be quiet. Then they left hand in hand, and Anthony began to lead Azra away from the car park. 

"Wait, Anthony-" 

"I know, love, don't worry," Anthony chuckled, bumping his shoulder against his partner's lightly. "I want to get something, but I'm going to have to leave you at Starbucks for a bit, because it's a surprise. Is that alright with you?" 

Azra sighed, really wanting to get home. He'd spent a lot of their lunch thinking about how ridiculously attractive Anthony looked, trying his best not to fantasise about running his hands over that smooth skin and feeling those perfect lips on his neck. He knew he didn't want to wait, but he liked surprises. 

"Sure," he answered softly, and Anthony gave his hand a quick squeeze. 

"Good, it won't take me long, I promise." 

In fact, Azra waited only about ten minutes before Anthony was walking back into Starbucks, a plain black bag tucked under his arm. Azra stood quickly, hurrying over to his mate and taking his hand gently. 

"Let's go home, yeah?" 

Anthony chuckled softly, following him out of the coffee shop and kissing him on the cheek as soon as they were on the street. "A little eager, are we?" 

"Aren't you?" Azra retorted, and Anthony grinned, nodding slightly. 

"Yes, as a matter of fact, I am. There are so many things I want to do to you when you wear bow ties like that," Anthony purred, and Azra blushed immediately, biting his lip as he began to walk just a little faster. 

* * *

When they got home, Azra tried to pull Anthony into a kiss, but instead, the alpha just took his hand and led him up the stairs and into the bedroom. 

"Sit down, angel," he murmured, and Azra did as he was told, suddenly a little nervous as Anthony held up the black bag with a smile. "I got you something, but you don't have to use it if you don't want to, okay?" 

Azra's eyes widened slightly, but he nodded, the anxiety rising as Anthony took a step closer and reached into the bag. He pulled out a thin, flat box, handing it to Azra, who simply stared, his jaw slightly slack. 

"It's...in my size," he said softly, more a question than a statement, and Anthony sat down beside him, running a hand down his back. 

"Yep. I think you'll look stunning in it, but you don't have to try it, okay?" He repeated gently, and Azra took a deep breath, then looked up at Anthony imploringly. 

"Help me put it on?" 

Azra had expected Anthony's smile to be a smirk; suggestive and eager, but instead, it was soft and loving, with a touch of gentle pride. 

"Of course, angel. Come over here, away from the mirror. We can do a reveal," he smiled, guiding Azra over to a corner of the room and starting to help him undress. Azra's fingers trembled slightly as he undid the bow tie, letting it fall to the floor before moving on to his shirt buttons. Anthony started on his belt, occasionally murmuring some soft praise, but mostly just helping Azra until he was standing in his underwear. Then Anthony opened the box, taking out what looked to Azra like a tangled monstrosity of white lace and elastic. 

Azra slipped his underwear off and stepped into the lace, his heart pounding in his chest as Anthony gently helped him, doing up straps and adjusting what needed to be adjusted. Then he took a small step back and grinned, tucking his hair back. 

"Azra...you just...god, you look amazing." 

Azra hugged himself loosely, a sheepish smile spreading across his face along with a deep blush. "I feel a bit cold," he admitted softly, and Anthony chuckled, leaning down to kiss his forehead. 

"Come on, close your eyes." 

A little nervous, Azra allowed himself to be led to the mirror, Anthony's hands on his shoulders, his thumbs stroking over his mate's skin. 

"Whenever you're ready, my angel," he purred, and Azra took a deep breath, then opened his eyes and heard nothing but his heart thudding in his ears. 

The white lingerie was absolutely beautiful, delicate and flattering, with a floral pattern on it that Azra thought made him look quite sophisticated. Anthony gently guided him to turn to the side, and Azra blushed even darker at how good his plump backside looked with that perfect lacy covering. 

"How do you feel?" Anthony asked softly, and Azra took a deep breath, nodding slightly. 

"Good," he murmured, still admiring his reflection. "I feel...sexy. I like my body, but this...this makes me feel special." 

Anthony's arms slid around his waist, soft lips on his cheek, but Azra couldn't stop staring, loving the way he looked. A hand slid down between his legs and Azra rocked, gasping, his eyes widening, his mouth falling open in pleasure, and then Anthony was grabbing at him, pushing him up against the wall beside the mirror, diving in.

Azra welcomed the kisses eagerly, matching Anthony's intensity. With his mate, with the person he trusted most in the world, he liked the feeling of the wall pressed against his back. He liked feeling that solidity, something to be pushed against, to be taken against. 

Anthony's hand slid down again, pressing through the fabric, finding Azra's cock. The omega shuddered and gasped, Anthony's lips finding his throat as he rocked into the touch desperately. 

"A-alpha!" He cried, and Anthony was purring, fingers impatiently pushing the fabric aside and plunging into Azra's entrance. Whimpering in delight, Azra bucked against those fingers, his breathing heavy as Anthony began to thrust, pressing up into his sensitive spot, expertly rubbing over exactly where Azra needed. 

Azra's brow furrowed and a memory popped up, begging for attention, his hands coming up with it, resting on Anthony's chest. The alpha withdrew immediately, his hand cradling Azra's cheek, golden eyes worried and loving. 

"I just need a quick break," Azra smiled sheepishly, and Anthony nodded, kissing the corner of his lips and gently pulling at the lace fabric over his stomach. 

"Do you want to take this off or leave it on, angel?" He asked softly, and Azra felt his cheeks flush even hotter. 

"Can I leave it on for a bit longer?"

"Of course," Anthony soothed, pulling away slightly, giving the omega a bit more room. "Do you want to move this to the bed? Might be a bit more comfortable." 

Azra nodded and led the way, climbing into bed and pulling a blanket over himself. Anthony dimmed the lights, then took his shoes off before unzipping the back of his dress and slipping it off, leaving him in nothing but a pair of rather sheer black panties. He climbed onto the bed beside Azra, slipping under the blanket with him and smiling at him lovingly. 

"How are you feeling? Do you want to talk about anything?" He asked gently, and Azra cuddled up to him, sighing softly. 

"Um. I'm okay...just had some bad memories come up, and I needed to stop," Azra answered quietly. His hand roamed over Anthony's bare side, loving the feeling of that smooth skin under his, Anthony's cool touch on his own sides. "Are you sure you're up to this, by the way?" He asked quietly, his hand running down to brush over the still-healing wound on Anthony's stomach. Anthony twitched slightly, then gave a soft sigh. 

"I should be fine, it doesn't hurt anymore," he murmured, and Azra nodded, letting silence fall for a minute or two while he thought. 

"Can we try something a little different today?" He asked at last, nerves stirring in his stomach as he stroked up Anthony's ribs once more.

"What do you wanna try?" Anthony smiled, and Azra felt his cheeks flush, his body shifting slightly as he pressed himself closer to his mate. 

"I've always wanted to try spooning sex," he admitted quietly, and Anthony grinned, running the backs of his fingers down Azra's cheek. 

"Me too, actually. We could maybe watch something on the TV," he suggested softly, and Azra nodded, feeling as if his face was on fire as he buried it in Anthony's chest. 

"I'd like that," he mumbled, and Anthony smiled, kissing his cheek softly. 

"Let me know when you're ready, alright?" 

Azra nodded, rolling over and purring as Anthony tucked himself up against the omega's back. After a moment or two, Azra gave a soft little sigh and slipped the lingerie off, dropping it over the edge of the bed. He felt Anthony shift behind him and realised he had also discarded his underwear. Azra could feel Anthony's length brushing his thigh briefly, sending a happy little shiver up his spine as Anthony turned the TV on, humming to himself quietly as he went to the internet feature. 

Azra giggled to himself softly, a little embarrassed, but reached behind him and stroked Anthony's hip while the alpha found a video for them to watch together. It wasn't overly explicit, more like the kind of sex scene from a movie, but much longer, and Azra found himself relaxing even quicker, Anthony's hand finding his stomach. Azra gently took his wrist, guiding his hand down, and Anthony took the hint, his other hand finding Azra's thigh and lifting his leg up to hook behind Anthony's hips just as that first hand slid down. 

A gasp tore from Azra's throat, happy and full of pleasure, his entrance caressed as Anthony slipped two fingers into him, pressing as far as he could get. 

Azra gave a soft little whimper and leaned over quickly, grabbing a condom and the lube from the bedside table and handing them to Anthony before settling back. 

"Good. Are you feeling good?" The alpha asked gently, starting to slide his fingers, Azra's passage already slick with arousal and need. The omega shuddered, burying his face in the pillow to stifle a moan, his eyes closing as he nodded. Then Anthony's other hand came into play, fingertips gliding over Azra's cock, and he lost control, bucking sharply and softly begging for more. 

"Shhh," Anthony soothed, nuzzling his hair and continuing at a slow, easy pace that Azra found absolutely infuriating. "I don't want you to cum just yet, angel." 

Azra's brow furrowed, his mouth hanging open, his hips rocking as Anthony rubbed against his sweet spot, pushing him almost to the edge of climax before pulling out. This left Azra gasping and squirming, his own hand trailing down, but Anthony caught his wrist gently.

"Ah-ah, naughty," he growled seductively, and Azra almost sobbed, writhing as he heard the tear of a condom packet. "Patience, sweetheart. It's alright, I promise. I'll make you cum as many times as you like, but you have to be good and patient for the first one."

Azra grabbed at Anthony's hip, nails digging into his skin, and Anthony purred, shushing him comfortingly, his tip suddenly nudging against Azra's entrance. Eyes wide, Azra stared at the screen in front of him, his breath still coming a little faster and heavier than usual. 

"You ready, angel?" 

"Oh fuck, yesterday!" Azra snapped, and Anthony chuckled, pressing gently and gliding through Azra, easily burying himself deep. It was all one smooth, easy motion, and Azra immediately felt so full, his body twitching, needy, but his mind not quite with his body. 

"B-break!" 

"Don't worry, I'm not moving," Anthony soothed, stroking his hand down the length of Azra's side, his lips finding the back of his jaw. "Is everything okay so far?" 

Azra nodded, letting out a soft sigh and trying to relax into that stuffed feeling, Anthony's length always feeling that little bit bigger inside him whenever it had been a while since he'd last taken it. "I think I'd like more talking once we actually get going. I can't see you so well, so it's nice to hear you and remember it's you," he mumbled, and Anthony slid a tattooed arm around him, purring softly. 

"Does this help as well?" 

"Mm, yeah," Azra smiled, running his hand down Anthony's arm slowly. "You wanna know something?" 

"Yeah, what's that?" Anthony murmured, his own smile evident in the tone of his voice. 

"I love you." 

Anthony chuckled and nuzzled Azra's jaw, his manicured nails gently digging into the fat on his stomach, squeezing possessively for just a moment. "I love you too." 

"I'm ready," Azra whispered, and Anthony just hummed acknowledgement, then propped himself up on one elbow and guided Azra's head around, managing to pull him into a slightly awkward kiss. Azra smiled against his lips, one hand reaching back to gently pull at his hair, and Anthony rocked his hips. 

It was a small movement, but Azra was still highly aroused after getting so close to his release earlier, and the nudge of Anthony's tip against the end of his passage was just a little too much. He cried out happily and Anthony chuckled, his voice a little distorted with pleasure.

"Good, angel. That's it," he encouraged, picking up a slow pace that kept him firmly lodged deep inside his mate, but still gave them both plenty of easy pleasure. Azra shuddered and shook, moaning softly, his whole body tense, his fingers curling in the sheets as he held on tight. 

"Alpha?" He choked out, and Anthony hummed, stroking his chest slowly, fingertips gentle as he gave a slightly harder thrust that made his partner cry out again. 

"Yes, angel?"

"I n-need-.." Azra whimpered, his hand trailing down over his own body, between his spread legs. Anthony understood without needing any more words, his lips warm on Azra's neck. 

"That's okay, sweetheart. Whatever you need," he murmured, and Azra sighed in relief, starting to rub his cock lightly, flicking his fingertips back and forth over the shaft as his hips bucked against Anthony's thrusts. 

The alpha was careful to keep the same pace, even if Azra's little whimpers and moans made him want to roll the omega over and take him. He wanted to see him cum, he wanted to watch those little twitches and hear his mate moan. And he wasn't disappointed. 

Azra felt the build up and whined his mate's name, then began to pant softly, his mouth hanging open, his eyes rolled back as the pleasure overwhelmed him. Then it suddenly spilled over and Azra moaned obscenely, his hips twitching, his body shuddering. Anthony stopped moving and just pressed as deep as he could get, holding Azra tightly as he came down from the ecstasy of his relief. 

"Good, what a good omega," Anthony praised softly, feeling Azra relax in his arms and letting out a quiet sigh. "Do you want to keep going, angel?" 

Azra chuckled breathlessly and nodded, shifting position slightly so his leg was locked a little tighter behind Anthony. "Absolutely."

Anthony purred happily and began to rock again slowly, enjoying Azra's little over-sensitised whimpers and cries. For his part, Azra reached behind him and grabbed a handful of Anthony's hair, holding on tightly as the alpha's thrusts began to speed up, still deep, but a little quicker as Azra began to get back into the groove, his moans much less desperate. 

He rocked back in time, Anthony's hand gripping his hip tightly, and let out a deep groan as Anthony hit something inside him just right. A wave of pleasure broke over him and he bucked, whining happily. 

"Aah! I n-need more!" He groaned, and Anthony went still immediately, running a hand down his side. 

"Are you sure, love?"

Azra frowned, panting shakily, his chest rising and falling quickly. "Mm, yeah," he mumbled, grinding his hips back against his partner and feeling that length deep inside him. "Why'd you stop?" he gasped, his body slick with sweat. 

"I'm not sure," Anthony chuckled, stroking Azra's hair lightly and giving him a gentle squeeze. "You sounded like you needed me to." 

"I didn't, please," Azra begged, and Anthony laughed again, apologising softly before slowly picking up the pace they'd been at earlier, driving a little deeper this time. 

Azra moaned, his whole body twitching and shuddering, incoherent pleading spilling from him as he felt desire welling up, his body bringing him closer and closer to the edge. Anthony grunted and did his best to obey, then rolled Azra onto his stomach gently, helping him drag his hips up and pausing for just a moment to hear the omega beg. 

Then he thrust hard, and Azra saw stars, squealing out in overwhelming pleasure, his whole body rocking. Anthony grinned to himself and began to get a rhythm, hard and fast and deep, taking his mate and loving every sound of pleasure that spilled from Azra's lips. 

Azra squirmed under his alpha, his hand sliding down between his legs again, the absolute railing he was receiving making his chest heave, sweat gleaming all over his skin. His fingertips found his cock and he shuddered, then cried out. His build up came much quicker than usual, welling up and spilling over before he could stop it, his passage clenching rhythmically. Anthony groaned and thrust a handful of times, then collapsed, rocking slightly inside his partner before sliding from him slowly. Azra fell to the bed immediately, whimpering happily, his whole body tingling and shaking as he relaxed into the mattress. Anthony chuckled breathlessly and Azra heard the snap of a condom just before the alpha laid down beside him, wrapping an arm around his waist. 

"Good?" 

"Fucking amazing," Azra purred, his eyes slipping closed as he began to get his breath back. He cuddled up to his alpha, letting out a happy sound as he felt Anthony's hand in his hair, stroking gently. 

"Mm. You did so well," Anthony praised quietly, and Azra blushed, a sense of pride swelling in his stomach. 

"Thank you. I feel...I feel so much more confident with you lately, even though I expected to not feel so good," he murmured, and Anthony let out a soft breath, pulling away enough to look into his mate's eyes. Azra giggled and wiped a smear of lipstick off the skin under his lip, then smiled at him, his whole being soft and content. 

"I'm proud of you. And I know I say it a lot, but I always mean it," Anthony said seriously, and Azra blushed, reaching out to stroke his cheek slowly. 

"I know you do, darling. I'm proud of me too, I never thought we'd be able to do something like this, and it's so nice for both of us to have pleasure. Together." 

Anthony nodded, leaning in and giving Azra a soft kiss before subsiding back to the bed and pulling the omega into a tight hug. 

"Mmph. We should shower soon," Azra sighed, but neither of them made a move to get up. Instead, they just relaxed for a while, enjoying the sound of each other's breathing and giving their shaky legs time to recover. 

* * *

Once they'd showered and dressed, it was about time to pick Emily up, so they headed out together. Azra leaned his head against the window while Anthony drove, his chest rising and falling slowly. His eyes began to close up and he felt a hand stroke over his thigh. 

"You okay, angel?" 

"Mm, you wore me out," Azra mumbled sleepily, smiling without opening his eyes. Anthony's hand ran a little higher and found his, giving it a gentle squeeze. 

"Are you going to be alright coming to the psychologist's office? We should have time if you want me to drop you off," he asked gently, and Azra shook his head slightly, squeezing Anthony's hand in return before it slipped out of his so he could change gear. 

"No, I should be there. I might take a nap on your shoulder in the waiting room, though," he chuckled, and Anthony snorted, taking his hand again. 

"That's allowed, I guess. Are you worried about it?" 

"I mean, yeah. She must be like...traumatized, right?" Azra sighed, straightening up and opening his eyes. He blinked in the light, then turned to look at his mate, who seemed thoughtful. 

"Yeah. I mean, it was one incident, and she seems pretty rational about it. But that's why we're getting her seen, right? I just don't want you to assume the worst case and then twist good news into bad because you've been assuming the worst the whole time." 

Azra was silent for a moment, then frowned. "I do that?" 

"Quite a lot, yes," Anthony chuckled, shooting him a small smile. "It's okay, love. It's not a criticism, I promise, I'm just trying to help you manage your worry, yeah?" 

Nodding slowly, Azra took a deep breath. It felt like criticism, but he reminded himself to trust what Anthony said - he was often more reliable than Azra's own thinking. "Yeah. I um...yeah." he mumbled, and Anthony glanced at him, then sighed as they pulled into the school parking lot. 

"I swear it's not a criticism, angel," he repeated firmly, parking and turning the car off to give Azra a serious look. "I love you, you're just getting upset again because you're stressed, okay? It's just a touch of paranoia. I promise," Anthony soothed, reaching over and taking both of Azra's hands gently. "Deep breaths." 

As Anthony's hands slid over his, Azra felt a rush of his love, gentle but breathtakingly strong, and managed a tiny smile. 

"I love you too," he murmured, and Anthony leaned over, kissing him briefly before sinking back into his seat. 

"Good. Emily is going to be fine, okay?" 

Azra nodded, but only really to make Anthony smile. He still felt sick with worry, and he knew his mate could tell. But he supposed that agreeing with positive thoughts was still a step closer to having them himself, so he just let it go and took his phone out, checking the time. 

"Azra?" 

"Mm?" He hummed, unlocking his phone and going through a few notifications. 

"What do you think about rings?" 

Azra went still, his brain kicking him to respond, telling him how important this was, despite Anthony's casual tone. He looked up, but not at Anthony, not yet. "I don't have a lot of thoughts on rings, why?"

"I was thinking maybe we could get some," Anthony went on quietly, and Azra could hear the harmonics of well-hidden nervousness in his mate's voice. Anyone else would have missed it, but Azra was well tuned-in to Anthony's emotions. 

Azra looked at him, looked at those hopeful golden eyes, and smiled. "Anthony, if you want us to get rings, we'll get rings. Okay? I think it's a lovely idea." 

Anthony relaxed slightly, his uncertain smile softening, his shoulders dropping slightly. "Good. I've had um...people flirting with me on campus a bit lately, and um...it makes me uncomfortable," he admitted quietly. "And since my mating marks aren't visible, it's harder for people to tell I'm taken."

Azra frowned slightly and leaned over, stroking Anthony's hair slowly. "Give me a list of names and I'll go administer a kicking," he joked softly, and Anthony chuckled, then looked down, his smile failing. 

"What aren't you telling me, darling?" Azra pressed gently, and Anthony shrugged, taking a deep breath. 

"Some of the people flirting with me have been alphas and um...once when I was wearing a more...well, feminine outfit, one of them cornered me and was sort of um...she didn't touch me, I just...it was.." Anthony trailed off, his voice becoming slightly choked, and Azra stared at him in furious shock, his hand trembling on the back of Anthony's head. "I um...she got really close to me and w-went to grab me and then she must have smelled me and um...yeah. She called me a...a lot of names," he mumbled, and Azra leaned over, pulling Anthony closer so he could kiss his cheek. 

"When was this?" 

"Last week, I didn't...I didn't want to bring it up when so much other shit was happening," Anthony admitted quietly, then gave a small shrug. "And at the time, I thought I was okay. I just...I got on with my day and then I got home and I saw you and I realised-...I realised I felt awful."

Azra nodded, pain bursting in his chest at the familiar words, his fingers curling in Anthony's hair as he watched the tears well up. "I know how that feels, that's how I felt the first time I was assaulted. I wasn't raped, so I thought I was okay, but...but it doesn't work like that," he sighed, gently taking Anthony's hand and squeezing it tightly. "I'm sorry, darling. We'll get rings. And I um...I know some people who have gotten mating marks tattooed," he added softly, rubbing his thumb over Anthony's knuckles. "We can talk about it some more, yeah? But you can tell me when these things happen, no matter what else is going on, I promise. I'm here for you, I love you. I worry about you." 

Anthony managed a shaky smile. "I'm okay, I just-" 

"You're  _ not _ okay," Azra cut in gently, smiling back softly. "And that's alright, Anthony. You need to remember that just because I'm a fucking mess, that doesn't mean you have to be perfectly fine all the time. Okay? Your job isn't to hold me together, it's to work with me so we can support each other." 

Anthony nodded and Azra caught the tears as they fell, wiping them away gently. "Can we talk about it more at home tonight?" 

"Absolutely," Azra smiled, pressing a loving kiss to his temple. "Promise me you won't pretend anymore?" 

Anthony chuckled softly, a fresh round of tears falling. "I can't promise that, sorry. It's a bad habit," he grinned, and Azra wiped his cheeks again gently, snorting and shaking his head. 

"You're awful," he teased gently, tucking Anthony's hair back behind his ear. "At least try, for me. We're a team." 

"I know," Anthony murmured, and pulled Azra into a soft kiss, then sniffed and wiped his eyes. "Em's coming," he said softly, and Azra looked up, then got out of the car, chuckling as Em ran over, grinning. 

"Hey baby! Had a good day?" He smiled, and she nodded happily, showing him a piece of paper. 

"I did a drawing!" 

"Wow, that's amazing, love!" Azra chuckled, opening the car door for her and gently helping her into her seat. 

"Dad! Look!" She squealed, and they both froze for a split second, sharing a look. Then Anthony grinned, turning in his seat to look at the proffered drawing. 

"Oh look at that! That's very cool," he exclaimed enthusiastically, and Azra finished buckling Emily's seatbelt, then got into the car beside Anthony, who quickly turned the CD player on. What should have been disney soundtracks turned out to be a best of Queen album, however, so he turned it off hurriedly, chuckling as he pulled out of the parking lot. 

Once they got to the psychologist's office, Azra began to feel a bit more nervous, helping Emily out of the car and watching her run over to Anthony. 

"Dad! Up!" She giggled, and he glanced at Azra, then crouched down and let Emily climb onto his back, holding her legs as they walked down the street towards the office. Azra trailed behind slightly, trying to untangle some of the emotions sitting heavy in his stomach. He'd been happy when Emily had asked Anthony to be her dad, it had felt right, so he didn't understand why now, having heard her use it in casual conversation the first time, it felt complicated. 

Anthony let Emily down when they reached the office and glanced back at Azra, his expression full of worry. Azra just flashed a small smile and followed them inside, taking Anthony's hand as they sat down in the waiting room. Emily immediately ran over to play with the Lego in the corner, and Azra just kept an eye on her, his heart beating heavy in his chest. 

"Azra, are you-" 

"In a bit," Azra said softly, squeezing Anthony's hand lightly and nodding to Emily to demonstrate that he didn't want to talk about it in front of her. Anthony sighed, but didn't argue, kissing Azra's cheek lightly. Emily hurried over a moment later, showing them a 'dog' she'd made out of Lego. It didn't look much like a dog at all, but they smiled and praised her anyway, and watched as she went back to the table to keep playing. 

"Maybe we should get a dog just so she knows what one looks like," Anthony mused, and Azra snorted, leaning his head on his mate's shoulder as some of his unease faded. 

"Maybe," he chuckled, and Anthony wrapped an arm around him, squeezing him closer.

"Are you thinking negative thoughts?" 

"Wouldn't you like to know?" Azra joked, and Anthony laughed softly, rubbing his side gently. 

"Well, yes. That's why I asked." 

"I'm trying not to," Azra answered more seriously, and Anthony nodded, leaning his head against Azra's. 

"Good, that's better than nothing," he murmured, and Azra smiled, relaxing slightly and finally looking around the room properly. It was quite small and the dominant colour was beige, but the chairs were comfortable and there was ambient music playing that was quite calming. Emily had noticed the fish tank in the corner and was staring at it, and Azra couldn't help but smile, watching his daughter as she sat, motionless and fascinated. 

The door across the room clicked and Emily got up quickly, hurrying back to Azra and climbing into his lap, her arms slipping around his neck. Surprised, Azra hugged her tightly, catching Anthony's worried look as a family with two young children left the office. The older woman who'd shown them out flashed Azra and Anthony a bright smile, gesturing to them. 

"You must be Anthony and Azra. Come on in, guys." 

They got up and walked into the office, Azra gently setting Emily down and holding her hand tightly. The woman seemed friendly, leading them over to a desk, where Anthony and Azra sat down, Emily immediately wriggling back onto Azra's lap, despite his weak protests. 

"I'm Dr. Mulligan, I think I spoke to Anthony on the phone, is that right?" 

"Yeah," Anthony smiled, reaching over to rub Emily's back as she hid her face in Azra's neck. "This is Emily, she's a bit shy." 

Azra nodded, squeezing her gently and stroking her hair. The doctor just smiled and tilted her head slightly. 

"That's okay, it's understandable. It's very scary meeting new people. So you're here because she's had a bit of a scare recently, is that correct?" 

"Yes, my um...well, her father, my ex came back and tried to claim custody of her and when that didn't work, he tried taking her from us at a restaurant," Azra said quietly, still stroking Emily's hair, more to comfort himself than her. "He was very abusive when I was with him and he left when I became pregnant, um...I met Anthony coming up on a year ago now and...yeah. He's my mate," Azra went on, feeling rather awkward. Dr. Mulligan had a nice smile, but her eyes were a very intense blue, and he couldn't help but feel studied. "We're a bit worried because um. Well Gabriel, my ex, he tried to grab Emily and I had to...well, I had to grab him and he um...he stabbed Anthony." 

Dr. Mulligan blinked and nodded slightly. "Okay. That seems like it has the potential to be a fairly traumatic event. Has she been behaving any differently since?" 

"She's been more quiet and a bit clingy, but nothing incredibly significant," Azra answered quietly, squeezing her gently. "She isn't usually this shy, though." 

"Alright, well I'm going to ask you to leave now and Emily and I will have a nice chat and play some games," the doctor smiled, brushing her shoulder-length grey hair back behind her ears. "I'll spend an hour with her and then call you guys back in to chat about how it went. You're welcome to stay here or go to a coffee shop, whatever you like, okay?" 

Azra nodded and got up slowly, gently peeling Emily off him and crouching down. She glared at the floor, purposefully not looking at him, so he stroked her cheek lightly, then kissed her forehead. 

"We'll be right outside in the waiting room, okay?" He said gently, fixing her hair and smiling at her when her sullen blue eyes fixed on his. "But there's nothing to be worried about, I promise. You're just going to play some games and talk. Okay?" 

Emily held out her hand, pinky extended, and Azra's smile widened, his pinky wrapping around hers. 

"If you're good, we'll get ice cream on the way home, yeah?" 

Emily's face brightened slightly and she nodded, so Azra stood up, reluctantly leaving the room. Anthony gently led him over to the couch in the waiting room and sat down with him, rubbing his shoulder as he buried his face in his hands. 

"Hey. Talk to me, angel," Anthony murmured, and Azra sighed deeply, shaking his head slightly. 

"I don't want to talk about it, because I'll just worry more," he said, forcing a small smile. "Let's talk about something else." 

"Okay. Why were you upset on the way here?" Anthony prompted gently and Azra glared at him briefly, then sighed and sat back against the back of the couch. Anthony's arm slid around him immediately and he leaned into his mate's side, shaking his head slightly. 

"I'm not sure that I was upset, honestly. I...I felt a bit odd about her calling you dad," he admitted slowly, and Anthony nodded, rubbing his side lightly. 

"I had a feeling that was it. Do you not like it?" 

Azra sighed and leaned his head against Anthony's shoulder, running his hand over his mate's thigh. "I don't really know. I think I do. I like us being a family like that, and I think of you as her other dad. I just...hearing it made it very real, I guess," he said quietly. "I think...I think maybe it's the um...I don't mean it this way, but like the final nail in the coffin.." Azra trailed off, groaning softly. "I'm not saying this well at all." 

"It's okay, keep talking. You'll get there," Anthony encouraged quietly, pulling him a little closer as he sighed. 

"I just...well, you know. When I was with Gabriel, the trouble didn't start until he had me locked down, in a way. He had me claimed before he started really being abusive, and...and the more tied down I get with you...I...don't get me wrong, I like it, I  _ love  _ having you in my life and having this relationship with you, but...I get twitchy." 

"You think that Emily calling me dad is a bit like the first time I told you I loved you?" Anthony asked quietly, and Azra nodded, letting out a sigh of relief. 

"Yes, that. God, I'm awful at talking today," he chuckled nervously, and Anthony smiled, kissing his temple lightly. 

"It's okay. And I understand that, it is kind of like that final step, and it makes me not only very involved in your life, but very involved in hers as well," Anthony mused, squeezing Azra lightly. "But I'm not going anywhere or changing how I treat you anytime soon, I promise. I know that doesn't get rid of all the anxiety, but I just want to say it, and remind you that it's okay to ask for reassurance." 

Azra nodded, closing his eyes as he relaxed, a slight smile playing at the corners of his lips. "That was a much easier conversation than I expected," he chuckled, and Anthony nodded. 

"Me too. We're good at this communication shit," he grinned, and Azra rolled his eyes internally, but squeezed Anthony's leg lightly. 

After a few minutes of contented silence, Anthony spoke up quietly, his voice soft but still sounding loud in the almost silent room. 

"What would you think about me getting a tattoo of your mating marks?" He asked, trying to sound casual and failing miserably. Azra took a breath and then shrugged. 

"It's not my body," he murmured, stroking his hand up and down Anthony's leg slowly. "I wouldn't mind either way, my love. The only thing is that they'd be impossible to cover up if we broke up." 

Anthony stiffened suddenly, and a bolt of his anger and pain shot through Azra, leaving him blinking in shock. 

"You think-" 

"No, I don't," Azra said quickly, before Anthony could wind himself up into an impenetrable ball of hurt. "I don't think we're going to break up, I just...fuck, what if we do, Anthony? I don't...I don't want that," he mumbled, suddenly feeling breathless, his chest tight, his throat constricted as he grabbed at Anthony gently. 

"Shhh, angel, calm down," Anthony soothed, hurriedly pulling him into a tight hug, rubbing his back slowly. "We're not going to. I'm  _ not  _ going anywhere," he insisted as Azra buried his face in his mate's chest, shuddering all over, his fingers curling in Anthony's shirt. The tears bubbled up and he began to cry ever so softly, his whole body aching at the thought of Anthony leaving him. 

"It's alright, sweetheart. It's okay," Anthony murmured over and over, rocking himself slightly and stroking his hair, his touch ever so gentle. "Take a deep breath, yeah? That's it." 

Azra managed to breathe, following Anthony's gentle guidance, his hands still trembling as he clung to his mate, but his panic finally starting to subside. 

"There you go. I'm not leaving you, Azra. And I can tell by that reaction that you're not leaving me, so you're stuck with me," Anthony spoke firmly, but chuckled at the end, and Azra pressed closer to him, his cheeks flaring hot. 

"Imagine being someone who gives themselves panic attacks," he muttered, and Anthony laughed again, squeezing him tighter. 

"Yeah, I know. But you're okay, everything's okay. You just need to stop being silly."

"Easier said than done," Azra smiled, relaxing fully at last and letting out a slow sigh. "I love you." 

"I love you too, idiot," Anthony teased, and earned a gentle smack on the chest for his trouble. 

"I'm thirsty," Azra mumbled, and Anthony let out a soft sigh, running his hand down his mate's back before slowly letting go of him. 

"Alright, how about I walk to that corner store we passed on the way and get us something?" He suggested, and Azra nodded, pulling him down into a quick kiss. 

"Please. And thank you for putting up with me being stupid," he murmured, and Anthony rolled his eyes, kissing the corner of his lips. 

"Are you kidding? It keeps my life interesting, don't know what I would do without it." 

"I'm being serious," Azra whined, and Anthony's teasing smile turned gentle and loving. 

"I know, angel. And it's okay. I love you, I'm your mate, that's what I'm here for. Now I'm going to go buy you a drink and a snack, because you'll worry less if you're less hungry," he grinned, and Azra rolled his eyes. 

"You could stop making fun of me for like a whole minute." 

"That's no fun," Anthony purred, kissing him once more before getting up. "I'll see you in like ten minutes." 

As soon as the hour was up, Dr. Mulligan opened the door and called them back in, so Anthony and Azra walked in to find Emily drawing happily at the table. She looked up when they went in and waved, but went back to her drawing almost immediately. 

"The trick is glitter pens," Dr Mulligan chuckled as she sat down behind her desk. "They always end up far too fascinated to pay attention to anything else." 

Azra smiled, but he was getting nervous already, his hand shaking as Anthony took it gently. "How is she?" 

Dr. Mulligan smiled and nodded slightly. "Well, first off I can tell that all three of you have great relationships with each other. She loves you both and knows that you're happy together and love her very much. It's all very positive stuff. In terms of Gabriel and that side of things, she is a bit confused, however. At her age, kids have mostly figured out their definitions of right and wrong and although they're still learning about morality, it's more stable than a younger child. Growing up in a very happy household with you, Azra, has given her a clear sense of right and wrong, but also this sense that family and love are intrinsically linked. She's having trouble understanding that bad relationships do exist. As far as I can tell, she's not traumatised by what happened, but she is a bit disturbed, it's really changed how her world works and is forcing her thinking to adapt very quickly. I would recommend that she undergoes therapy, either with me or another licensed practitioner, to help her really get to grips with understanding these new events. Does that make sense?" 

Azra nodded slightly, taking a deep breath. "So she's okay?" 

"Yes, she seems quite happy and she's confident in her family and feels safe within the context of her home with you two, which is a great base. My only worry is that if she doesn't have a chance to talk through all of this now, it may come up later down the line and cause confusion. So she's doing fine, she's a little apprehensive about going out in the world, but that's understandable and I think it will fade. Just keep presenting her with the outside world in a safe way and teach her that there's nothing to be frightened of. I can tell she's always been anxious, so I don't think this is surprising. I know that Anthony, you said on the phone that Azra was worried about their relationship after Emily saw him attack Gabriel, and although you didn't bring it up, Azra, I feel like I should address that," she went on, and Azra blinked, his heart suddenly in his throat, choking him. "There's no ill effects, as far as I can see. All that's done is really establish you in her view as a protector, someone who will do what's necessary to keep her safe. So don't worry about that at all, alright?" 

Azra nodded silently and the doctor smiled, tilting her head slightly. 

"Do either of you have any more questions?" 

"Do you have space to take on another patient at the moment?" Anthony asked quietly, and Dr. Mulligan nodded, glancing at Azra. 

"I'd be quite happy to spend some more time with her, yes, if that's what you both want." 

Azra glanced at Anthony, who smiled softly and squeezed his hand. 

"I've stopped going to therapy now, so we have enough money for that," Anthony pointed out quietly. "And I'm taking on more teaching time this term, so I'll get paid for that." 

Azra nodded and took a deep breath, smiling at the doctor. "Yes, we'd like that." 

"Good. Then I'll see you this time next week," Dr. Mulligan said with another friendly smile. 

On the way home, they stopped off at Emily's favourite ice cream place and had a joke around, dabbing ice cream on each other's noses and smiling endlessly. Azra felt much lighter, and when Emily next referred to Anthony as 'dad,' he didn't bat an eyelid, but shared a knowing look with his mate, who blew him a kiss. By the time they got home, Azra was exhausted, so Anthony sent him up to take a bath while he made dinner.

The rest of the evening passed in gloriously relaxing peace, with plenty of family cuddles on the sofa watching disney movies and then a nice long bedtime story before Azra finally got to curl up with his mate in bed. The scent of his alpha wrapped around him like another blanket, soothing and warm, and he closed his eyes, simply basking in his happiness until sleep finally overtook him. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys!   
> I hope you enjoyed this ridiculously long chapter!   
> I've decided on an actual update schedule for lockdown, I'm going to update in batches of two, so two back to back, a break of a day, and then another two. I've been a bit lazy about editing Magpie, and I want to push myself to get working on it a bit quicker, as well as give you guys something to read while all this madness is still going on.   
> Anyway, I hope you're all safe and well!   
> <3<3<3


	42. Chapter Forty Two

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter contains: very cute shit, sexual content.

Anthony woke just over a month after Emily's first appointment with Dr. Mulligan to find himself lying on his stomach, pinned to the bed. There was some quiet giggling and he growled, opening one eye to see Azra laying beside him, smiling softly. The growling elicited another giggle from above him, so he suddenly rolled over, tossing Emily off his back and onto the bed between him and Azra. She shrieked and laughed, grabbing at him as he tried to sit up. 

"No! Birthday cuddles!" She yelled, and Anthony grinned, laying down again and flashing Azra a look. He just chuckled sleepily and gently tugged at Emily's shirt. 

"Calm down a bit, love. Inside voice, yeah?" He murmured, and she nodded, cuddling up to Anthony's chest quickly. He wrapped an arm around her automatically and leaned over, giving Azra a quick kiss. 

"Do you have to work today, angel?" 

"Yeah, can't afford not to, sorry," Azra murmured, and Anthony nodded, rubbing Emily's back lightly. 

"That's okay. We're still doing dinner, I take it?" 

"Yeah, I'll meet you and Em there," Azra smiled, reaching out to stroke Emily's hair lightly. "Hey, don't go back to sleep, you're supposed to be at school in half an hour." 

Emily giggled, but didn't move, so Anthony gently began to peel her away from him. "Come on, do what your daddy says," he said firmly when she protested. "Go brush your teeth and get dressed." 

As soon as she had - rather grumpily - left the room, Anthony pounced on Azra, rolling him onto his back and climbing up to straddle his hips. Azra chuckled and gazed up at him for a moment or two, before Anthony dove in, pulling him into a deep, slow kiss. Azra's hands wandered over his sides and hips, then back up, and Anthony pulled away first, letting his lips part from Azra's reluctantly. 

"You need to get ready for work." 

"I do, yes," Azra groaned, and Anthony smiled, sliding off his mate quickly. 

"I'll come help with Em, I've got to be at uni at nine anyway," he announced, and Azra sat up, pulling him into one last quick kiss. 

"Alright. Thanks, darling. And happy birthday."

* * *

Anthony spent most of the day excited, wondering what Azra had planned besides their dinner. He picked Emily up from school when she got out and took her home, playing with her for a while until he had to go get dressed. He slipped into his long red dress and zipped it up, then did his makeup and hair and hurried downstairs, grabbing his keys and bag off the side. 

"Em! We gotta go!" He called, and she ran into the hallway from the living room, skidding to a stop by her shoes and plonking herself down to put them on. Anthony slipped his high heeled boots on and his leather jacket, then took Emily's hand as she stood up and led her out of the house. 

The pub they arrived at about fifteen minutes later wasn't particularly fancy or expensive, but Azra and Anthony had been on a few dates there, so they knew the food was good, and it was at least just a little more high-end than where they normally went. 

Azra hadn't arrived yet, so Anthony led Emily inside and followed the waiter to their table, sitting down. Anthony asked for water for the table and unzipped his bag, taking out a pad of paper and a pencil case full of crayons. 

"Here you go, love," he murmured, placing it in front of Em, who smiled happily and quickly unzipped the case. Content, Anthony rested his chin in his hand, just watching while Emily drew. She was getting quite good for a child of her age, and he enjoyed watching the things she came up with take shape on the page. Especially with crayons; they were always such bold, bright colours, and Emily loved mixing them. 

Anthony checked his phone after a few minutes, but wasn't too worried, picking up a crayon and drawing a little smiley face in the corner of Emily's page just to annoy her. Then he leaned over, fixing her hair gently before sinking back into his seat and looking up just as Azra walked into the pub. 

Anthony had expected Azra to be wearing his uniform, but it quickly became evident why he'd been late - he had gotten changed. He was wearing one of his adorably stuffy suits with a bow tie Anthony had bought him a couple of weeks ago, and a rather old-fashioned tartan waistcoat, but Anthony couldn't imagine him in anything else. He really wouldn't suit a modern blue suit or those skinny jeans that were so popular. Azra just looked like those clothes were made for him - or vice versa. 

He did wear other things, like his work uniform, casual jeans, or his pajamas, but Azra looked the most like himself when he was either wearing something tartan or an insanely thick sweater. 

Anthony smiled as he walked over, and Azra grinned, kissing him as soon as he sat down. 

"You look stunning as always," Azra murmured, and Anthony purred. 

"Mhm, same to you."

"Daddy, look at my drawing!" Emily cut in, and Azra chuckled, leaning forward to look at the drawing that was presented. Anthony sat back slightly and simply spun the silver ring on his finger, the plain band that finally marked him so visibly, definitively taken. It was a habit of his, playing with the ring. He liked being reminded that it was there, that Azra was his and he belonged to Azra; it made him feel needed and secure. 

"Anthony?" 

The alpha almost jumped, and Azra chuckled softly, gently squeezing his forearm. "Hey, I've been trying to talk to you," Azra murmured, and Anthony blushed, shaking his head slightly. 

"Sorry, I was in a dream," he mumbled, and Azra tilted his head, his smile becoming tinged with worry. 

"A good one?" 

"Yeah, sorry, I'm just...I had a long day teaching today, and I'm a bit out of it," Anthony smiled, turning his hand over and relaxing when Azra laced their fingers together. 

"That's okay. I was asking what you're going to get for your birthday dinner," Azra smiled, and Anthony leaned down, pressing a loving kiss to his cheek. 

"I don't know yet, angel." 

Azra let out a happy sigh and squeezed his hand as he glanced at Emily. Then Anthony turned his head slightly to whisper into Azra's ear, his voice low and soft. 

"I know what I want for dinner," he said very slowly, pressing the outside of his thigh to Azra's firmly. "But I think it'll have to wait until we get home," he went on softly, his smile playful as Azra blushed. 

"You-...you are far too flirty for your own good," the omega giggled, and Anthony grinned to himself, picking up the menu. 

"Maybe. Or maybe you secretly love it." 

After a lovely meal, Anthony was ready to head home for dessert, so he herded Emily out of the door and back to his car, giving Azra a quick kiss. 

"I'm just going to run by the store for some candles, so I'll be a few minutes later than you, alright?" Azra announced, and Anthony nodded, flashing him a bright smile. 

"Of course. See you at home, love." 

Anthony hesitated before getting into his car, watching Azra walk away, then sighed and reluctantly tore himself away from the view.

Luckily, Azra was only a few minutes later than Anthony, and the alpha had only just managed to get Emily into her pajamas when he heard his mate arrive home. Emily immediately ran out of the bedroom and clattered down the stairs, so Anthony followed more sedately, bunching the fabric of his dress in one hand so he didn't trip. 

Azra appeared at the bottom of the staircase and simply smiled up at Anthony in a way that made the alpha's heart beat faster. 

He walked off the last step and into a kiss, his hands cupping Azra's cheeks, Azra's hands on his waist. It was perfect and slow and sweet, and exactly what Anthony needed. 

"Dad! Daddy! Cake time!" Emily shouted, breaking the moment, and they both laughed, smiling at one another in loving exasperation. 

They headed into the kitchen, hand in hand, and found the cake already out of the fridge. Emily was sticking the candles in it, clearly eager to get at the sugar inside, so Azra hurried over to help her. He lit the candles for her and waved Anthony over quickly, laughing softly as he took a picture of his mate with the cake. Anthony rolled his eyes, but smiled obligingly for the picture, then leaned forward just as Azra and Emily began to sing. The blush rose to his cheeks as he listened, his heart swelling in his chest. He'd never really had a big deal made of his birthday before, and hearing 'happy birthday' wasn't something he was used to. 

Once they'd finished, he blew out the candles and Azra quickly pulled him into a brief kiss before grabbing the plates and starting to cut slices. It was a beautiful cake, a rich chocolate with lovely decorations, and Anthony finished his slice off in just a couple of minutes, praising Azra as he set his empty plate aside. 

As soon as they'd all finished eating, Emily was tugging at Anthony's sleeve, dragging him towards the living room. He just chuckled and followed her patiently, smiling as Azra hurried to walk beside him, that gentle hand gracing his lower back for a moment or two. 

Anthony sat down where he was directed by Emily, laughing to himself contentedly as Azra sat down beside him, hugging his waist loosely. 

"Em, maybe give Anthony my stuff first, yeah?" Azra instructed gently, and Emily nodded, grabbing a gift bag and handing it over to Anthony. 

"I hope you don't mind, I couldn't get much, but-" 

"Hush," Anthony interrupted softly, flashing Azra a loving smile. "You didn't have to get me anything at all, my love." 

Azra seemed as if he wanted to say more, but simply smiled nervously, watching as Anthony carefully took the tissue paper out of the bag and unfolded the long black dress. It was almost floor length, with red details, and Anthony could tell it was exactly his kind of thing even before he'd unfolded it. 

"It's stunning," he murmured, and Azra blushed, biting his lip lightly. 

"I wasn't sure if you'd like it," he mumbled, and Anthony chuckled, kissing the corner of his lips. 

"Don't worry, angel. You clearly have a very good grasp on my taste," Anthony soothed quickly, running his hand over Azra's thigh before reaching into the bag again and pulling out a small jewelry box. His fingers trembling ever so slightly, Anthony opened it, staring down at the delicate little silver apple pendant nestled in the velvet cushion. 

"I um...I thought that since our names are both A names, I...I wanted something for both of us, so I thought A for apple, and um...yeah," Azra explained hastily, clearing his throat nervously as he trailed off. Anthony blinked slowly, then lifted his head, his smile wide and, although emotional, overjoyed. 

"It's perfect, Azra. Thank you so much, sweetheart. I'm so lucky to have you."

Azra smiled, his own eyes showing so much emotion, and when Anthony reached out to hold his hand, he felt a burst of that undeniable, intense love, Azra's gratitude and pure adoration flooding him for a few seconds. He sniffed and flashed Azra a shaky smile, squeezing his hand tightly. He wanted to sweep him up in a hug, push him to the couch, and kiss all over him, but Emily was still waiting slightly impatiently, so he restrained himself, stroking his thumb over Azra's knuckles instead.

Anthony carefully placed everything back in the bag and then smiled as Emily handed him a small wrapped package. Azra gave a soft little laugh, and Anthony smiled to himself, delicately pulling at the tape and unwrapping the little clay figure. 

"It's a cat!" Emily announced proudly, and Anthony grinned, glancing at Azra knowingly. It was a very abstract cat - bright pink and a bit lumpy, but Azra was smiling. 

"She made all this stuff especially for you," he said softly, and Anthony's smile widened, his gaze lifting to Emily's. 

"Thank you, love. It's lovely," he said, and she giggled, presenting him with a folded piece of paper. He put the cat down very carefully and unfolded the paper, his smile unfailing as he just took it in. It was another family portrait, this one a little more focused, with only three figures on the page. The two tall figures were on either side of the short one, holding her hands, and were labelled 'Dad' and 'Daddy.' 

Anthony took a deep breath, a rush of emotion constricting his throat just as Azra's hand found his thigh, rubbing gently. 

"Em, it's beautiful," Anthony announced shakily, struggling to keep his voice even. "Thank you very much." 

Emily grinned proudly, picking up the last parcel and handing it over. "You're welcome. Now this one, it's the best one!" 

Anthony glanced at Azra, who just smiled. He took breath to prepare himself, then undid the tape carefully, sliding the gift out of the wrapping and just staring down at it in awe. 

It was a picture frame, decorated with a lot of glitter glue and hearts, sequins everywhere. It was messy, but in a very Emily way. The kicker, though, was the phrase at the bottom, each letter stuck to the frame -  _ I love my dad.  _ Inside the frame was a picture of Anthony with Emily on his lap, taken one weekend when they'd had a lazy day in pajamas and made a special breakfast. He stared at it until tears blurred his vision, and then Azra was gently taking his wrist, squeezing it. 

Anthony looked up to see Emily looking suddenly scared, and quickly set the frame aside to pull her into a hug. "It's absolutely beautiful, baby, thank you so much," he murmured, sniffling a bit as he squeezed her tightly. Her little arms slipped around his neck and he lifted her into his lap easily, hugging her even tighter as she curled up against his chest. 

Anthony closed his eyes and tried to get his emotions under control, taking deep, slow breaths while Azra gently rubbed his arm, those lips finding his cheek. 

And Anthony felt so loved, so special, wrapped up in his little family, and he knew he would forever be grateful. 

After a while, Emily began to doze, so Anthony took her upstairs and helped her get into bed, sitting with her and stroking her cheek until she fell asleep, drifting off easily. He kissed her forehead softly and got up, slipping out of the room. Then he went downstairs slowly, humming to himself softly and sitting back down beside Azra, who immediately tucked his phone away and leaned into his mate. 

"How's your birthday so far?" Azra asked softly, and Anthony gave a soft chuckle, leaning his head against the omega's. 

"You mean it isn't over yet?" 

"Well, I might have a few things left to give you upstairs," Azra purred, and Anthony felt excitement stirring in his chest as he slipped his arm around his mate. 

"Yeah? I'm looking forward to it," he murmured, then smiled and squeezed Azra gently. "And to answer your question, it's been the best birthday I've ever had. It's reminded me how lucky I am to have you both and how special my life is now, and I feel very grateful to be in your life," he went on quietly, sniffling as he finally let that emotion out. Ara reached up and gently wiped his eyes, but Anthony could tell he was close to tears himself.

"I'm definitely lucky as well, I'm so lucky to have such a wonderful, sweet, kind, sensitive mate to support me," he smiled, his voice trembling slightly. "You're a godsend, Anthony. I can trust you and have a relationship with you and-...God, we've worked so hard to build this, but it's  _ so  _ worth it." 

Anthony chuckled through the emotion still flooding his chest and wrapping its tight fingers around his throat, pressing a soft kiss to the side of Azra's head. "It really is, my love." 

They sat in silence for a while, just being there with each other and enjoying the quiet. Anthony kept his arm wrapped tight around his mate, his eyes closed contentedly, until Azra stirred slightly. 

"Mm, I'm getting tired," he admitted softly, and Anthony nodded, squeezing him gently. 

"Let's go upstairs, then. We don't have to sleep yet, after all," Anthony smiled, his whole body feeling relaxed and warm as he slowly slid his arm from Azra's waist. Azra got up first, gently taking Anthony's hand and guiding him to stand up, leading him all the way upstairs and into the bedroom. 

The omega seemed a little nervous, but happy, slipping his shirt off as soon as the door clicked shut behind them. Anthony moved to touch him, but Azra gently pushed his hand away, cupping his mate's face in his hands. 

"I'm going to take care of you tonight, Anthony," he murmured softly, a loving smile on his face that made Anthony's heart beat just a little faster. "You always make me feel so special, I want to share that around a bit." 

Anthony smiled down at Azra, nodding ever so slightly as he leaning into his warm touch. "I'd love that, angel. So much," he purred, and Azra's smile widened, his hands sliding down to unzip the back of Anthony's dress. Anthony slipped it off his shoulders and let it fall around him, flowing fabric pooling at his feet. Azra took his hand gently and led him forward, blue eyes raking up and down his almost-naked body. 

"Take the tights off, please," Azra murmured, and Anthony did as he was told quickly, leaving him in only his underwear. It felt odd, to be the centre of attention. In most of his sexual encounters, he'd been the one in charge, and had focused all his attention on his partner. He'd always done what he did with Azra, stroking his partner's skin and assuring them how perfect they were. He loved praising and complimenting his lovers, but he wasn't used to being on the receiving end, and he wasn't used to the way Azra was staring at him. 

Unconsciously, Anthony began to hug himself, hiding his stomach, but Azra was already stepping forward, gently catching his wrists. 

"Shh, darling," he soothed, his thumbs rubbing over Anthony's skin, his lips only inches from the alpha's. "Don't hide. You can't hide from me, my love, I want to see all of you. You're so beautiful." 

Anthony's eyes widened slightly and he managed a smile, Azra's soft words lighting a warm fire in his chest. 

"I'm...I'm not really used to this," he admitted quietly, and Azra gave a soft chuckle, suddenly all confidence and smiles, stepping into that gap Anthony was leaving for him with apparent ease. 

"How about we fix that?" 

Anthony's nerves melted into a soft smile and he nodded slightly, letting his arms fall away from his body. "You're going to have to help me, angel," he murmured, and Azra leaned up, letting their lips brush for just a teasing moment before sinking back onto his heels. 

"No problem, darling. Get on the bed for me." 

Anthony did as he was told quickly, the gentle, yet authoritative voice sending a shiver up his spine as he climbed onto the mattress and laid back. The bed sank almost immediately and a little thrill shuddered through him as he looked up into hungry, soft blue eyes, Azra's lips parted slightly. Then Azra reached up slowly and gently took a handful of Anthony's hair, tipping his head back and causing the alpha to squirm slightly as hot lips found his neck. 

"Azra!" He gasped happily, and the omega smiled, his hand running down to caress Anthony's ribs as he bit and kissed at his neck, marking his territory. Already Anthony could feel his cock filling out, a hollow wanting starting in the pit of his stomach. Then a hand skimmed back up, fingers brushing Anthony's nipple and returning, pinching lightly, tugging, twisting. Anthony cried out in shock and pleasure, Azra's hand tightening in his hair, dragging his head further back. He choked slightly and let his eyes slip closed, already fully overcome and overwhelmed. 

"That's it, darling. You're doing so well for me," Azra praised softly, and Anthony shivered, his underwear becoming just a little tighter with those gentle, encouraging words. He could lay there all day and listen to Azra tell him exactly what he was doing right. Azra apparently noticed this, his voice taking on a seductive purr, his hand running down to Anthony's hip as he sat back. "Show me what you want, like a good little alpha." 

Anthony opened his eyes as Azra's hand slipped from his hair, instinctively spreading his legs and drawing his knees up. Azra grinned and dove back in, his fingertips running along Anthony's forearm, following his winding snake tattoo as he hovered above his alpha. 

"Look at you. Such a good alpha," Azra murmured, and Anthony opened his mouth to reply, but was shushed quietly. "No, darling.  _ I'm  _ in charge," Azra insisted, and Anthony closed his eyes, shivering in anticipation as he felt Azra's weight shift slightly. "I love your tattoos, darling," he purred, and Anthony gulped, his cock already halfway hard just from Azra's quiet voice and confident, but light touches. "I love touching them and I love how sexy they are." 

Anthony's lips parted again, his hips rocking up, and Azra gave a soft chuckle, his hand finding Anthony's hair again, tugging his head back just as he ground his thigh down between the alpha's legs. 

Pleasure burst through Anthony, hot and heavy and all at once, and he bucked up, gasping and shuddering. "A-Azra!" He cried, and the omega laughed softly, kissing his throat, lips warm and gentle. 

"Good, I know you want more. You're going to get it, don't worry." 

Anthony could feel himself falling apart, coming undone at the seams under his mate. He leaned into it, loving the feeling of being able to lose control completely, relinquishing everything to Azra. He normally had to be so careful, but now he could just shudder and moan and feel his hair being pulled possessively. 

Azra suddenly tugged Anthony's underwear down, and he gasped, squirming in the cold air, his cheeks flushing as he realised Azra was staring. The omega sat back, gently spreading Anthony's legs further, exposing him completely, a soft, loving smile on his face. Anthony held his hand out and Azra took it, lacing their fingers tightly. 

"I love you," he murmured, and Anthony melted, emotion welling up in his throat at the sheer tenderness of it all. He was finally truly giving Azra everything, showing that one last vulnerability, and Azra was being so gentle and loving and  _ perfect.  _ "You look so beautiful, Anthony," Azra went on in a soft voice, a touch of emotion in his tone. "I don't say it to you enough, but I just...I'm so lucky to have landed myself such a stunning mate." 

Anthony smiled and squeezed Azra's hand, his fingers trembling ever so slightly as he forced the tears back. "I'm the lucky one," he insisted quietly, his smile a bit shaky at the corners. "You make me feel so special and safe." 

Azra didn't reply, but leaned over Anthony, pinning his hand up by his head gently, his other hand resting on Anthony's cheek as he pulled him into the most tender kiss Anthony had ever experienced, slow and easy and full of love.

And then Azra's hand was sliding down, wrapping around Anthony's length, and the alpha moaned shakily, his legs falling open again, his grip on Azra's hand tightening as the omega kept kissing him. The strokes began agonisingly slowly, Azra's hand running up and down his shaft delicately, his fingers almost too gentle. As soon as Anthony had filled out completely, the omega sat back slightly, his cheeks flushed as he looked down at his mate. 

"I had an idea," he announced quietly, and Anthony blinked, struggling to get back into thinking mode with his omega's body so close. 

"Yeah?" 

Azra went bright red, biting his lip softly, then looked away. "I um...I bought a strap on," he admitted quietly, and Anthony stared. The shock came first, then a little shiver of delight, desire following almost immediately. 

"Oh...you um...you want to try being on top?" He asked gently, and Azra nodded, then quickly looked back at Anthony, blue eyes wide. 

"O-only if you want to, I mean, I-" 

"I'd love to try it with you," Anthony cut in soothingly, his spare hand finding Azra's side and stroking slowly. "I have done it once before with another alpha, before I met Ben," he added, still rubbing Azra's bare skin lightly. "I liked it, but Ben wasn't...he wasn't into that." 

Azra nodded slightly, but the blush didn't subside quite yet. 

"Should I um...go put it on?" 

"Yeah," Anthony grinned, sitting up and pulling Azra into a brief kiss. "I'll go get myself cleaned up, okay?" 

Azra nodded again, looking a bit dazed, so Anthony took the initiative and slipped off the bed and into the bathroom. 

After a minute or two, he walked back out of the bathroom to find Azra sitting on the bed, looking a bit red still. He'd fitted the harness on and Anthony couldn't help but stare, his heart beating fast in his chest when he saw the dildo standing proud between Azra's legs. 

"Jesus, that's hot," he mumbled, and Azra blushed again, holding out a tiny black remote. 

"I um...I put a small vibrator in," he said softly, and Anthony took the remote carefully, then kissed his partner lightly. 

"Good. How do you want me?" 

"I want to go back to what we were doing for a bit, and then move on from there," Azra smiled nervously, and Anthony nodded, grabbing a towel from the hook and laying it down on the bed carefully before laying on his back on top of it. Azra leaned over him again, and Anthony could tell he'd lost some of his confidence, so he kissed him softly and spread his legs, letting out a quiet sigh. 

"You were doing great, angel," he encouraged gently, and Azra blushed, biting his lip lightly. 

"Sorry, I've got a bit in my own head now," he mumbled, and Anthony smiled, reaching up to stroke his cheek slowly. 

"No worries, love. We have all the time in the world," he soothed, and Azra turned his head into the touch, his eyes slipping closed for just a moment. 

"What was working for you?" He asked quietly, and Anthony's smile widened slightly. 

"I mean, everything. But I liked the hair pulling, it wasn't too much, but it was very dominant. And um...I liked it when you told me I was doing well." 

Azra chuckled and leaned down, kissing the corner of his lips lightly. "I guess we have that one in common. Take a deep breath, darling." 

Blinking, Anthony did as he was told, just before fingers tangled in his hair and pulled, exposing his throat and causing him to arch his back, a gasp escaping his lungs as he grabbed at the sheets. Azra bit down on Anthony's collarbone and rolled his hips, causing his new shaft to rub over Anthony's. The alpha rejoiced in Azra's comeback, his eyes slipping closed as he shuddered and begged softly, asking for more. 

Azra chuckled and sat back suddenly, reaching over his mate to open the drawer. "That's it, darling. Such a good alpha," he purred, fishing out a condom and the bottle of lube before leaning over Anthony again. "Lift your legs." 

Anthony obeyed unquestioningly, Azra's hand slipping from his hair to stroke his side, fingers gentle and loving. And then his other hand ran down, a fingertip circling Anthony's entrance. 

The alpha gasped, desire flowing through him as he felt the cold lube being spread over his sensitive skin. A tentative push from Azra revealed that Anthony opened up quite easily, his hips shifting as he tried not to buck. 

Pleasure jolted through him as more lube was applied and Azra pushed again, his lips finding Anthony's nipple as the tip of his finger slipped into Anthony. 

The alpha jerked happily, fingers curling in Azra's hair as the omega bit down on his nipple lightly, then sucked, his tongue swirling. Anthony's chest was rising and falling quickly, his breaths a little shallow as he took the entirety of Azra's finger, whimpering in pleasure. 

"That's it, darling. You're doing so well," Azra praised, pulling off of Anthony's nipple just long enough to move to the other one, his spare hand kneading his knuckles into the alpha's ribs. The finger pulled back and more lube was applied before two began to press in, opening Anthony up and causing him to groan softly. It didn't hurt, exactly, but there was a little bit of discomfort there, a definite stretch, and Azra took it nice and slow, pulling back about halfway in to add more lube. 

Anthony whined softly as he took both plump fingers, his eyes shut, his chest rising and falling heavily as he tried to relax. 

"Shh, darling. You're doing so well," Azra praised, and Anthony let out a soft sigh, his muscles relaxing enough to let the last of Azra's fingers inside him. "That's it, Anthony. I'm so proud of you," Azra went on softly, then slipped his fingers out again and added more lube. This time, when he pressed back in, they slid easily, Anthony's body no longer protesting at the stretch. 

"Good, you're doing great," Azra purred, and curled his fingers. Anthony moaned deeply, his eyes rolling back in his head, his cock twitching as Azra pressed into his prostate. The omega gave a soft chuckle and began to rub over that spot rhythmically, causing Anthony to jerk and cry out, panting lightly and begging to be touched. 

"No, not yet," Azra said simply and, frustrated, Anthony remembered the remote. He grabbed at it blindly, his fingers hitting the smooth plastic and quickly curling around it, his thumb circling the button before clicking. Azra gasped softly, his hips shifting, and Anthony grinned to himself, feeling Azra start to open his fingers, stretching Anthony's entrance a little further and loosening him in preparation for the strap. 

Azra leaned over his partner, pulling him into a desperate kiss, his hips bucking when Anthony clicked the button again, the vibrator now just audible inside Azra. His hand curling in Azra's hair, Anthony drew him deeper into the kiss, Azra's fingers moving quicker inside him. A third finger was added and Anthony simply moaned, feeling nothing but pleasure now. 

"Please!" He gasped, and Azra was more than ready to comply, leaning back quickly. 

"On your hands and knees," he said sharply, and Anthony scrambled to obey, arching his back slightly to show his eagerness, listening to the slick, wet sounds as Azra applied lube to the long dildo. Then Anthony felt hands on his sides, that slightly cold tip nudging up against his entrance before starting to push inside. He groaned and dropped his head, forcing himself to relax as discomfort came back, not burning or painful, but just a little too much pressure. 

"Good, it's okay," Azra mumbled, rubbing the small of Anthony's back lightly, his hand gentle and slow. "You're perfect, darling. You're taking everything so well for me, aren't you?" 

Anthony barely managed a nod, his breathing a little quick as Azra sank deeper into him, the tip of the dildo brushing his prostate and causing him to shudder. 

"Mhm, that's it. So hot, darling, watching you fill up," Azra purred, and Anthony felt a spark of triumph as the fabric of the strap nudged against him, indicating that he'd taken every inch. He dropped his shoulders to the bed and Azra chuckled, remaining in place for a few moments and continuing to massage his alpha's back lightly.

"How do you feel?" 

Anthony let out a deep sigh, his fingers curling in the sheets. "Stuffed, but good," he murmured, still slightly tense, but reminding himself that he was under his mate, the one person he loved most in the world, and who loved him with the same deep ferocity. He smiled to himself and Azra pulled back, adding some more lube before sliding back into Anthony quite easily. 

"That's it. Are you ready?" 

Anthony gasped a shaky yes and immediately, fingers tangled in his hair, pulling it back from his face and jerking his head back just as Azra gave the first shallow, sharp thrust. Anthony gave a strangled, loud moan, his whole body shuddering, pleasure tearing through him. 

At last, he relaxed fully, going limp for his mate, giving himself over once more. He clicked the button and rejoiced in Azra's moan, the buck of his hips that sent the dildo hammering into Anthony's prostate. The alpha cried out and Azra groaned happily, his spare hand wrapping around Anthony's hips as he worked to find a smooth, rhythmic pace. It only took a few experimental thrusts before they got into a groove, Anthony rocking back into each push, Azra's hips snapping as if it was the most natural thing in the world for him to be deep inside his alpha. 

Anthony tried to stay fairly quiet, but it was useless. The physical pleasure was intense, flowing over him in waves, his eyes rolling back as the touch of pain from his hair being tugged lightly added the extra little flavour that sent him hurtling towards an orgasm. And yet, the physical pleasure was barely half of it; the simple realisation that he trusted Azra with absolutely everything, with the most delicate, sensitive parts of not only his body, but his self esteem. He had been able to be stared at, touched, loved, studied, and now he was a sweaty mess, shaking and moaning beneath Azra, but he didn't feel self-conscious.

Azra's spare hand slid down from his hip and wrapped around his aching length, and Anthony realised all in one go just how much he'd needed to be touched. He thrust into Azra's hand desperately, and the omega chuckled softly, although his breathing was ragged and shaky with pleasure. 

"Good, Anthony. Cum for me, darling," he ordered firmly, and his thrusts became deeper, aimed perfectly into Anthony's most sensitive areas, his hand stroking in time with each push. Anthony had no hope of keeping it together, and he didn't bother to try, crying out as he spilled onto the towel below him, his body twitching and jerking. Azra hilted the dildo inside Anthony as the alpha trembled, Azra's grip on that red hair preventing him from collapsing fully as he was stroked slowly, gently, coaxing every last shred of pleasure from him. 

"What a good alpha," Azra murmured, and Anthony closed his eyes, those fingers slipping from his hair, the perfect fullness inside him pulling back slowly. There was an obscene sound as Azra pulled free, and then the click of clips being undone. 

"Stay there, Anthony, don't move." 

Anthony groaned, burying his face in the sheets, his whole body still trembling as he heard the sound of running water. Then footsteps padded across the carpet back to him, a warm, damp cloth stroking over him, cleaning his over-sensitised skin. He whimpered and Azra clicked his tongue, rubbing circles into Anthony's back lightly. 

"Nearly done," he murmured, laying the washcloth down and gently guiding Anthony to shuffle off the towel so he could pull it out from under him and toss it straight into the laundry basket. 

At last, Anthony felt gentle hands on his sides, the bed sinking behind him. 

"It's alright, love. You can lay down now," Azra soothed, and the alpha collapsed gratefully, rolling onto his back to gaze up at Azra contentedly. 

"How do you feel?" 

Anthony let out a happy sigh and reached for Azra, trying to pull him close. "Amazing, angel. I'm so glad we tried something new," he purred, and Azra nodded, taking his hand and squeezing tightly.

"Do you think you could um...finish me off?" He asked tentatively, and Anthony blinked, then nodded quickly. 

"Of course. Come here," he murmured, reaching out and pulling at Azra's hip, guiding him to kneel with his legs on either side of Anthony's head. Blushing, Azra reached down and stroked Anthony's hair, his lip caught between his teeth. 

"Are you sure?" 

"One hundred percent," Anthony chuckled, his hands running up the insides of Azra's thighs as he gazed into those beautiful blue eyes lovingly. "You're in charge, remember?" 

"Yeah," Azra chuckled nervously, then lowered his hips, and Anthony purred, lapping over his cock as he quickly grabbed at the headboard for support. Smiling to himself, Anthony kept working his tongue over that short shaft, swirling it around the sensitive head as he slid one hand down and pressed two fingers into Azra's entrance. The omega whined and rocked, and Anthony briefly dipped his tongue in beside his fingers before his lips closed around Azra's tip. His tongue swirled and flicked easily, his fingers starting to slide and speeding up quickly, rubbing at Azra's g-spot while his other hand slid down and he pressed the tip of his finger into Azra's back entrance. 

The cry that spilled from the omega's lips was obscene, and he jerked, practically starting to fuck himself on Anthony's fingers while the alpha just did his best to keep up, flicking his tongue where he could and suckling at Azra's cock every chance he got. He could hear the omega's ragged breathing and feel his twitches, and heard the groaned warning just before those hips bucked and pressed down against Anthony's face. Anthony purred happily and slowed the movements of his fingers, easing his mate through his orgasm, his tongue running over that twitching shaft slowly and soothingly. Azra rocked his hips a few times, then slid off of Anthony shakily, collapsing beside him with a deep, trembling sigh. 

Anthony grinned and grabbed a tissue from the box on the bedside table, wiping his face before rolling over to pull Azra into a tight hug. The omega purred breathlessly and pressed into him, his chest still heaving as he clung to Anthony tightly. 

"I love you," Anthony murmured after a moment or two, and Azra let out a soft little chuckle. 

"I love you too, darling." 

"That was definitely the best birthday I've ever had," Anthony sighed happily, and Azra sat up slowly, stretching his back. 

"How about we finish it off with a nice bath?" 

"You're a mind reader, my love," Anthony chuckled, and got up shakily, following his mate into the bathroom. 

Azra started the water running and dropped a bath bomb in, then gently grabbed Anthony and pushed him back against the counter, causing him to gasp softly just before he was dragged down into a slow, loving kiss. Fingers curled in his hair, pulling lightly, and he knew he would never be able to get enough of that feeling; of being dominated so gently and yet so firmly. 

Azra pulled away first, blue eyes soft as he stroked his knuckles down Anthony's cheek slowly. 

"You are everything to me," Anthony mumbled without thinking, and those blue eyes became a little wet, Azra's smile widening slightly. 

"You and Emily are everything to me," he replied quietly, and Anthony closed his eyes, feeling those hands on his sides, his ribs. He could feel the tears welling up, but Azra was already pulling at his sides gently. 

"Come on, darling. Don't cry, come cuddle in the bath," he soothed, and Anthony opened his eyes, taking a deep breath and managing a soft smile. 

"I'm okay." 

"I know," Azra smiled, taking his hand and gently leading him forward. Anthony got into the tub first, Azra climbing in between his legs and leaning back. Anthony's arms wrapped around him automatically, hands stroking the omega's soft stomach. 

"Mm, I could fall asleep," Azra purred, and Anthony simply buried his face in that soft blond hair, letting himself relax and let go, contentment not nearly enough to describe how perfect it all felt. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys!   
> I hope you enjoyed this one, I know a lot of you were getting a bit impatient to see Anthony topped ;) But I hope you liked all the cute stuff with Em as well! <3   
> I'll put the next chapter up sometime tomorrow!   
> <3<3


	43. Chapter Forty Three

About three weeks after Azra went back to work, he was still feeling jumpy, despite knowing that Gabriel was safely behind bars awaiting trial. Every time an alpha came into the shop, his heart would beat faster, his hands starting to tremble. 

He kept it under control and managed not to have any more panic attacks, but it was still tiring, as was the way he flinched every time there was a loud noise. 

He did his best to simply ignore it, and spent most of his time at work stocking the back shelves and doing inventory. In fact, that day he was checking expiry dates when the bell on the counter rang. 

Azra took a deep breath and put his clipboard down, preparing himself before hurrying out of the back, his best customer service smile slapped on his face. 

But then he saw who it was, and a real smile spread in place of his plastic one, and he laughed softly. 

"What are you doing here?" He grinned, and Anthony gave a little shrug, holding up the box of condoms. 

"Too soon?" 

Azra laughed and leaned over the counter, pulling him into a quick kiss. "No, darling, it's perfect, it'll give me something else to remember next time someone buys condoms," he murmured, and Anthony smiled, gently pulling him back in for another brief kiss. 

"Mm, besides, we do actually need some," Anthony pointed out, and Azra nodded, letting go of him and hurrying around to the little door in the counter. He unlocked it and slipped through, hurrying over to his mate and hugging him tightly. Anthony let out a soft sigh, wrapping his arms around Azra and leaning his cheek against the top of the omega's head. 

"God, I love you," he mumbled, and Azra smiled to himself, squeezing him gently. 

"It's nearly my lunch break," he said meaningfully, but Anthony gave a soft sigh and shook his head. 

"I'd love to, angel, but I only stopped by on my way to uni, I have a meeting soon." 

Azra whined softly and squeezed him tighter, but Anthony just chuckled quietly, rubbing his back in slow, gentle circles. "I'm going to make lasagna for dinner though, your favourite," he added, as if in reparation, and Azra smiled to himself, slowly pulling away from the embrace. 

"Hmm, I think I can just about forgive you," he murmured, and Anthony pulled him into one last quick kiss, grinning down at his mate lovingly. 

"How about now?" 

"Yeah, I think that worked," Azra giggled, and the shop door opened, an older woman walking in and giving them a dirty look. Anthony's eyes widened jokingly and he pulled away from Azra gently. 

"I need to go, I'll see you at home, yeah?" 

"Yeah, but you gotta pay first," Azra laughed, and Anthony blushed, then grinned. 

"True, yeah. I forgot about that part." 

Azra slipped back behind the counter again and tapped a few buttons on the till, waiting while Anthony scanned his card. Then he handed the bag over and the alpha hesitated, just gazing at his mate for a moment or two. 

"I love you." 

"I love you too, darling, but you're going to miss your meeting," Azra giggled, making a shooing motion at him until he turned reluctantly and hurried out of the shop, leaving Azra feeling much more relaxed. 

* * *

Azra was just walking through the front door that evening when his phone rang. He answered it while pulling off his shoes and breathing in a lungful of air full of the scent of his favourite pasta. 

"Hey," Anathema's voice came over the phone speaker, just as Anthony shouted something from the kitchen. 

"Hey, I just got in," Azra hummed, walking down the hall and slipping into the kitchen. Anthony looked up, then frowned, and Azra just smiled at him reassuringly. "How's it going?" 

"Good, yeah. We uh...well, we have some news for you," Anathema said quietly, her tone impossible to interpret. 

"Yeah? What's that?" Azra asked as he walked over to Anthony, slipping an arm around his waist. Anthony kissed the side of his head and Azra relaxed into him contentedly, leaning against his mate. 

"Well...the adoption agency called us this morning and said that they found a baby that's just been put up for adoption. We're trying not to get too excited in case it falls through last minute, but we're supposed to be driving down to pick him up tomorrow." 

Azra's mouth fell open slightly, his eyes wide, his grip on Anthony tightening. "Holy shit. That was so quick, it's only been a couple of months," he gasped, and Anathema hummed agreement. 

"Apparently this one was a bit of an emergency and none of their other couples are ready to take on a newborn with special needs. He's a bit premature, so he's on a fortified diet and stuff, but he's apparently healthy," Anathema went on, clearly trying and failing to contain her excitement. "I'm gonna be a mum, Azra," she added softly, and Azra grinned, letting his head fall against Anthony's shoulder comfortably. 

"That's so great, Anathema. I'm really happy for you. I hope it all goes well tomorrow, will you text me?" 

"Of course, I'll let you know when we leave the hospital with him," Anathema said with a bubbly, joyous tone to her voice. "I can't wait! I'll speak to you tomorrow, yeah?" 

"Absolutely. Love you," Azra smiled, squeezing Anthony's waist lightly. 

"Love you too, Azra! Bye!" 

Anathema hung up and Anthony gently broke away from Azra to open the oven, taking the tray of lasagna out carefully. 

"What was that all about?" 

Still a bit stunned, Azra blinked and shook his head slightly. "Anathema and Newt are picking up their baby tomorrow." 

"Holy-! Really?" Anthony asked incredulously, turning to look at Azra with wide eyes. "That was fast." 

Azra nodded, getting out three plates and starting to help Anthony dish up. 

"Do they know the gender?"

"Mhm, a baby boy," Azra answered quietly, their hands brushing together as they both reached for the same spoon. A pang of jealousy went off in Azra's chest, like a static shock passed from person to person, but Anthony apparently didn't notice the transference, taking the spoon and gently pushing Azra away with his hip. 

"Go on, I'll sort this. I think Em's in her room doing homework." 

"O-okay, I'll um...go fetch her," he mumbled, taking a deep breath as he turned on his heel and hurried out of the kitchen, his mind racing. Anthony was  _ jealous.  _ Jealous of Anathema and Newt having a baby. 

Azra didn't really want to think about what that meant, his heart pounding in his chest. The thought of being pregnant again made his breathing quicken, anxiety squeezing his throat. He didn't exactly know why; when they'd talked about babies before, he'd been excited, happy, but now...now he felt sick. It suddenly felt very real, and he leaned on the wall outside Emily's room for a moment or two, forcing the thoughts to the back of his mind. He'd have to wait until they'd eaten and put Emily to bed to bring it up to Anthony, so he locked the worries away and slipped into Emily's bedroom. 

"Em? Dinner's ready," he called softly, and she looked up from her desk, smiling brightly, her lovely blue eyes full of pride. 

"Look, Daddy! I did my sums already!" 

Azra chuckled and walked over, resting his hand on the back of her chair as he looked over her shoulder to the paper she'd been working on. 

"Look at that! Well done, love," he said brightly, his hand finding her hair and stroking slowly. "Do you have any other work tonight?" 

"No, I've done it all," Emily answered happily, and Azra leaned down, kissing her cheek lightly. 

"Good, I'm so proud of you for getting it all done," he murmured, rubbing her back lightly. "Come on, Dad is waiting, yeah?" 

* * *

Azra climbed into bed beside his mate, the lock in his mind clicking, the thoughts oozing back, pushing the door further open. Anthony was laying on his back, reading something, a slight frown on his face. 

Azra simply stared at him for a minute or two, trying to figure out how to say the words hiding at the back of his throat, how to ask the question. He so desperately needed to know, and yet he was far too afraid to ask. 

"You're staring, angel," Anthony murmured, startling Azra, who blinked and forced his eyes to focus on the alpha beside him. Anthony turned his head, a small smile playing at his lips as he set the book on his chest. "What's on your mind?" 

Azra winced, rolling onto his side and letting his hand come to rest on Anthony's flat stomach. "When we were in the kitchen earlier and I told you about Anathema and Newt's baby.." he began slowly, thinking hard about every word. "When you touched me, I got our connection, just for a moment, and you...you felt jealous," he finished quietly, trying to keep his voice flat and impassive. 

Anthony gave a quiet sigh and closed his book, setting it on the bedside table before rolling over to face Azra, finding his hands gently. 

"Yes. I'm...very jealous," he admitted quietly. "I love kids, I don't think that's a secret, and I love you very much. I want to have a baby with you, that hasn't changed," he went on, squeezing Azra's hands as his smile widened slightly. "But you're the one who gets to decide. It's your body, and it would be a disruption to Emily. Just because I feel jealous, doesn't mean we have to have a baby right now." 

Azra nodded, relief pouring through him and causing him to laugh nervously as he laced their fingers together. "Okay, good. I...I do still really want to have a baby with you. I've been thinking about it a bit recently, just...I don't know, I think the stuff with Gabriel made me think of it...and I'm so excited to have another child, especially yours. But I'm not ready. Everything with Gabriel happened too recently, that was so, so stressful, and I feel like we need to take our relationship further as well. We need to build up even more trust and really get into a rhythm of life together. Is that alright with you?" 

"Of course," Anthony murmured, leaning in and planting a soft kiss on the corner of Azra's lips. "And I understand where you're coming from, I don't disagree."

Smiling, Azra reached out and brushed Anthony's long hair back from his face, playing with the ends lightly. "It's getting so long," he murmured, and Anthony smiled, scooting closer to Azra and kissing him ever so lightly. 

"I can put it in a proper plait and everything now," he purred, and Azra grinned, running his fingers through it slowly. 

"Mm, hot," he mumbled, and Anthony laughed sleepily, leaning in to kiss him again. Azra chuckled and grabbed at his hair, holding a fistful and using his weight to flip Anthony onto his stomach. The alpha struggled briefly, but Azra was already sitting on his hips, gently pinning him down while he giggled softly. 

"What are you planning, angel?" Anthony asked suspiciously, and Azra just grinned, tilting his head slightly as he pulled Anthony's hair back from his face slowly. 

"I wasn't aware I had to have a plan," he announced, combing through those beautiful red locks with his fingers, parting it into three sections. Well-practiced after raising a daughter for over seven years and counting, Azra finished off the plait and tied it off, then ran his hands down Anthony's bare back. The alpha shuddered slightly, but relaxed quite quickly, folding his arms under his chin to lay comfortably. 

"Mm, are you...feeling it tonight?" Anthony asked slowly, and Azra let out a soft little sigh. 

"No, I just feel a bit restless," he admitted, starting to rub Anthony's shoulders and smiling when the alpha groaned happily. 

"Oh God, well you can keep doing that, for sure," he chuckled, and Azra grinned to himself, opening the drawer in the bedside table and fishing out his little tub of moisturiser. 

"Yeah? Is that nice?" He murmured, smoothing some over Anthony's shoulders before starting back in on his muscles more seriously, gently working out the tension. 

"Ohhh fuck yes," Anthony muttered, and Azra gave a soft little chuckle, wiping his hands on the sheets before picking up his phone to start some quiet music playing in the background. Anthony let out a happy sigh, his eyes closed, his body relaxed. 

"I'm gonna fall asleep, angel," he warned quietly, but Azra just shrugged, pride and love warming his chest. 

"That's okay, you're allowed," he smiled, and Anthony sighed again, a soft moan slipping from his lips as Azra began to move down his back slightly. 

Aside from the occasional little grunt or sigh, Anthony went silent for a while, so Azra began to concentrate, really digging in and working through Anthony's muscles. He hesitated slightly when he came to the surgery scar, but treated it the same as the rest of Anthony's back, and didn't receive any complaints. Then he gently pulled Anthony's pajama pants down slightly, humming when the alpha shifted. 

"I'm just doing your lower back," Azra soothed, and Anthony relaxed again, letting out a deep, sleepy sigh. 

"Mm, m'too tired for anything else," he mumbled, and Azra smiled to himself, gently massaging the small of Anthony's back, then working a little lower, over his hips before moving back up slowly. 

"Did I miss anywhere, darling?" He murmured, and Anthony grunted, shifting slightly. 

"No, feels perfect," he answered softly, then reached behind him to gently grab at Azra's leg. "C'mon. Cuddle." 

Azra chuckled and slipped off his alpha, getting under the covers beside him and shaking his head slightly. "You can never string a sentence together when you're sleepy, can you?" He teased, and Anthony simply grunted in response, pulling his mate into a comfortable embrace. Azra leaned over and flicked the light off, then settled into Anthony's arms, feeling the alpha's hand in his hair. 

"Mmm," Anthony sighed contentedly, and Azra rolled his eyes, smiling to himself as he let their legs tangle. "Love you." 

"I love you too, Anthony. Go to sleep," Azra chuckled softly, kissing his cheek and hugging him a little tighter. After approximately thirty seconds, Anthony was out like a light, and Azra snuggled closer to him, relaxing and slowly following him into sleep. 

* * *

The next day, Azra got a text from Anathema to say they'd successfully picked up the baby, then a call in the evening inviting them over. 

Despite their reservations about taking Emily, Azra and Anthony headed over, Azra crouching down in front of Emily on the doorstep. 

"Remember that babies are very very fragile, okay?" He said softly, stroking her cheek, and she nodded seriously. "And we need to be nice and quiet. It's okay if you get excited, but you might need to leave the room to go calm down." 

"Okay, Daddy," Emily smiled, and Anthony knocked on the door. 

It was flung open almost immediately by a harassed-looking Anathema, sending the sounds of a distressed baby flooding into the street. 

"It's going great so far," Anathema laughed, but Azra could tell she was laughing only because she was at the very end of her rope and about to start crying. 

"Hey, it's alright. Let me help," Azra soothed, pulling her into a quick hug. "Anthony, take Emily into the living room for a bit, okay?" 

"He won't take his bottle," Anathema groaned as Azra slipped into the house, kicking his shoes off. Anthony herded Emily past them, shooting Azra a bright smile on the way, and Anathema grabbed his hand, dragging him towards the bedroom. 

Azra followed to find Newt holding a tiny baby, rocking him slightly. The omega stopped dead in his tracks, his breath leaving his lungs as he stared at the baby, at that tiny little face. 

Then he shook himself and stepped forward, wordlessly taking him from Newt's arms. 

"Does he have a name yet?" Azra asked softly, sitting down on the edge of the bed and cradling the baby in his arm, the other hand stroking his knuckles down the baby's cheek. 

"Yeah, um...Cain," Anathema said quietly, and Azra chuckled softly, shaking his head slightly. 

"He's making trouble already, hmm?" he joked, rocking Cain slightly as the baby began to settle. "Pass me the bottle," he murmured, and Newt did so quickly, looking a bit stunned. 

"How did you do that?" 

"Practice. Lots and lots of practice, mostly at four in the morning," Azra answered with a smile, presenting the nipple to the baby a few times, until he'd calmed down enough to realise he was being offered food and began to suckle. 

Azra heard both new parents sigh in relief and smiled to himself, but found he couldn't tear his gaze away from the little baby. He was feeling something he'd felt last night, but this time, the jealousy was his, shocking him as he held that tiny body in his arms, his hands trembling ever so slightly. Azra knew it was mostly his omega instincts kicking in, but in that moment, he so desperately wanted a baby of his own, to care for and feed, just as he was with Cain. 

"Oh thank God," Anathema gasped, breaking through Azra's thoughts. "I was terrified he wasn't gonna eat."

Azra nodded slightly, squeezing the baby ever so lightly. "He'll be okay. I think he's probably in shock a bit, he's been taken from his birth parent and gone on a long car ride and is now somewhere completely unfamiliar. It's all very new and scary," he pointed out quietly, still gazing down at the baby in fascination, watching those little fingers curl against the bottle, trying to grip it. "Make sure you give him plenty of skin to skin contact while you feed him, though. It's very good for them." 

Azra looked up at last and saw Anthony standing in the doorway, his hands in his pockets. He was staring at the baby with wide eyes, slightly wet, and as Azra looked at him, his gaze rose to meet his mate's, a small smile on his face. 

"Don't they look cute?" Anathema asked Anthony in what was a very carefully constructed 'innocent' tone. Azra knew that Anthony wouldn't notice, but he was certain that Anathema was pushing for something, although he wasn't sure what. 

"Yeah, they do," Anthony said quietly, his voice soft and soppy, his whole posture relaxed. 

"You uh...you should probably try taking over," Azra mumbled quickly, and Anathema stepped forward, sitting beside him slowly. Very carefully, Azra transferred Cain over into her arms, helping her hold the bottle at the right angle and briefly running a fingertip down Cain's tiny little arm. 

"You are an invaluable friend," Anathema chuckled softly, and Azra leaned over, kissing her cheek lightly. 

"I know," he answered with fake smugness, and glanced at Anthony, who still seemed a bit dreamy. "Could Emily come in and say hi?" 

"Sure, it's easy while he's feeding because he's quiet," Anathema smiled, and Anthony seemed to wake from his trance. 

"I'll go get her." 

Anthony hurried off and Azra let out a soft breath, looking up at Newt, who simply smiled. He seemed tired, but genuinely joyful, and Azra's chest warmed with the realisation that his best friends were so incredibly happy. 

Azra opened his mouth to say something, just as Emily walked into the room, hand in hand with Anthony. 

"Hey baby," Azra murmured, holding his hand out. She let go of Anthony's nervously and walked forward, taking Azra's hand and popping onto her toes to try and see the baby. Azra leaned down and gently lifted her onto his lap, smiling as Anathema turned slightly to show her. 

"His name is Cain," Azra told Emily softly, stroking her hair as she reached out, gently cupping his tiny hand in hers. 

"He's so small," she breathed, and Anathema nodded slightly. 

"He was born a bit early, so he's a little bit smaller than most babies," she explained quietly, and Emily nodded, simply watching in awe as Cain fed, slowly draining the bottle. 

Once the bottle was finished, Anathema burped him and waved Anthony over from where he was standing in the doorway. 

"Come hold," she smiled, more a command than an invitation, and Anthony obeyed, his eyes wide as he stepped forward. He slowly sat down between Azra and Anathema, after Azra moved to make space, and Anathema smiled, very carefully handing Cain over. Anthony gasped softly and cradled the baby carefully, resting a hand on his chest and gazing down into those deep brown eyes. 

"He's gorgeous," he murmured, and Anathema practically glowed with pride, a bright smile on her face. 

"We are so, so lucky," she replied quietly, and Azra nodded, feeling a bit thoughtful as he watched Anthony, watched the way he held the baby. 

Even after they finally left Anathema's and drove home, Emily dozing in the backseat, Azra was still thinking. He rested his head against the window and jumped slightly when Anthony's hand ran over his shoulder. 

"You okay?" 

"Mm, just thinking," Azra sighed softly, stifling a yawn. 

"Yeah? What about?" Anthony hummed, his hand slipping off his mate so he could change gear. 

"Well, babies, I guess," Azra admitted, looking down at his lap. "I've told you I'd have to come off testosterone to carry a baby, right?" 

"Yeah," Anthony answered quietly, keeping his eyes on the road as he waited for more. 

"I'm not sure I'm ready for that right now. I need more time, but I...I really, really want us to have a baby," he murmured, glancing at the backseat to make sure Emily was asleep.

"Good. I do too, but it's a huge decision, obviously, and I can be patient for whenever you're ready." 

"I just wanted you to know that I want it too," Azra mumbled, and Anthony smiled, leaning over slightly to rub his shoulder. 

"Thank you for being open with me."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey I hope you guys enjoyed this chapter!  
> The next chapter will have quite a heavy warning for transphobia, but as usual, there will be plenty of comfort and you can message me if you're worried!  
> ♡♡♡


	44. Chapter Forty Four

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter contains: transphobia, threats of violence.

Anathema and Newt had had Cain for about a month, and things were starting to settle down, with Azra spending less time helping them and more time at home, so when Anthony got an invitation to speak at a conference that was being held by a nearby university, he jumped at the chance. He'd been asked to talk about his research, so he prepared a short powerpoint and was soon buzzing with excitement at the prospect of sharing his ideas. 

It was on a Saturday afternoon, so Anthony got up quite late in the morning and got dressed, slipping on a professional blouse and dark flared trousers. He paired it with a touch of eyeliner and lipstick, walking downstairs to find Azra waiting at the table, pancakes on a plate in front of him. 

"Oh, angel, thank you so much!" Anthony grinned, pulling his mate into a brief kiss before sitting down to eat with him. 

"You look lovely today," Azra murmured as Anthony tucked in, the omega picking up his knife and fork more sedately. "Are you excited?" 

Anthony nodded, swallowing his mouthful before answering, his smile bright and genuine.

"Definitely. I think I've got a really good presentation, and I think they'll like my research so far. It's obviously not finished yet, but they want to hear about how I chose my methodology and things more than the actual results," he explained, and Azra nodded, reaching across the table to take his hand. 

"I'm really proud of you, y'know," Azra said softly, his tone as sincere as his smile. 

"I know, and it's nice to hear it," Anthony murmured, leaning across the table to pull Azra into a brief kiss. Azra chuckled as he sat back down, poking at his pancakes unenthusiastically. 

"What's wrong?" Anthony asked immediately, and Azra shook his head slightly. 

"I don't know, I've been feeling a bit ill some mornings lately. I haven't been sick or anything, but I just feel a bit nauseous every now and then. I think it's probably to do with my eating issues," he added quietly, not quite looking at his mate, his cheeks dusted with pink. "I think my body is a bit messed up from...well, eating really irregularly." 

Anthony reached over the table and stroked Azra's wrist lightly, his fingertips light and gentle. "Maybe you should go to the doctor, love." 

Azra shook his head slightly, pushing his plate away from him. "No, it's only been like a couple days out of every week, it's not that bad. I'll go if it gets worse," he soothed, gesturing to his plate. "You can have mine if you like." 

"I'm full, but thank you, it was lovely," Anthony replied, getting up and picking up the plates. "Maybe Em will have some when she finally gets up." 

"Yeah, she had a lot of trouble sleeping last night, I hope she's okay," Azra sighed, following Anthony into the kitchen and leaning against the counter while he loaded his plate into the dishwasher. 

"I think it was just one of those nights," Anthony murmured, straightening up and crowding Azra into the counter slightly, his smile widening as the omega laughed softly. Then Azra gently pushed him away and hopped up to sit on the counter. 

"There, now I'm taller than you for once," he giggled, and Anthony rolled his eyes, spreading Azra's legs and stepping forward between them to pull him into a soft, innocent kiss. 

As they pulled away, Anthony let his eyes stay closed for a moment or two longer, a soft little sigh passing his lips. Azra's arms wrapped around him, pulling him into a hug, and he buried his face in that cuddly chest eagerly. 

"I'm sure you're going to do really well," Azra murmured, soothing the nerves that Anthony hadn't even realised he was feeling. "It's going to be great," Azra went on softly, his love and pride pouring through Anthony, making him feel warm from the inside, his arms tightening around his omega. 

"I love you, angel." 

"Mm, I love you too," Azra hummed happily, rubbing a slow circle in between Anthony's shoulder blades. "You should go, my darling, you'll be late." 

Anthony heaved a deep sigh and pulled away reluctantly, wishing he could spend all day nestled in his mate's embrace. But instead, he picked up his bag, slipped on his high-heeled boots, kissed Azra goodbye, and slipped out of the door. 

* * *

The dial tone was making Anthony tremble even more than he was already, his spare arm wrapped around himself tightly, his lip starting to bleed where he was biting it. 

It was his third time ringing Azra, and he still couldn't stop the tears streaming down his cheeks. He needed to hear his mate's voice, he needed Azra. 

The phone clicked and Anthony breathed a shaky sigh of relief, his breath hitching when he heard that familiar voice. 

"Hey, love! Are you done already? How did it go?" 

Anthony opened his mouth to answer, but a sob came out instead, his pain bubbling over at the sound of such gentle questioning. 

"Oh," Azra sighed, and Anthony heard rustling in the background as he clamped his hand over his mouth, trying to muffle his crying in case anyone else was in the bathroom. "I'm with Em at the moment, darling, let me just go somewhere else." 

Anthony heard Azra's muffled voice, then some more rustling and the sound of a door shutting. 

"Alright, Anthony, I'm here," Azra murmured softly, his voice so gentle it was almost painful. Anthony squeezed his eyes shut, taking a shuddering breath. "Yeah, that's it. Try to breathe, my love," Azra soothed, then began to count quietly, the same way Anthony's therapist had suggested he try when Azra had panic attacks. "In, one, two, three...good. Out, one, two, three," Azra said over and over, until Anthony finally had his sobs under control, his tissue already soaked through and useless. 

"Can you tell me what happened, darling?" Azra pressed, and Anthony groaned softly, still focused on his breathing. 

The images came flooding back, along with the shouting. So many angry faces. 

"I g-got shouted at," he whimpered, pressing the heel of his hand into one eye. "Th-they called me a bunch of slurs a-and booed." 

"Oh for fuck's sake, and these people are supposed to be open-minded academics," Azra snapped, then sighed softly. "Sorry, love. Are you okay? Are you hurt?" 

"N-no to both of those," Anthony mumbled, forcing a quiet chuckle. "I finished the presentation a-and some people clapped, a-and then I ran into the bathroom to hide." 

"Is that where you are now?" Azra asked sympathetically, and Anthony took a deep breath, wiping the fresh tears off his cheeks. 

"Yeah." 

"Alright, love. Come home, okay? Don't stay for the rest, go straight from the bathroom to your car. I'm baking you a lovely surprise, and when you get home you can have all the cuddles you need, yeah?" 

"O-okay," Anthony sighed, nodding slightly. "That sounds good." 

"Good," Azra murmured, a smile in his voice. "You're incredibly strong, Anthony. It's going to be okay. And they're just ignorant pieces of shit who need to go out in the fresh air more."

Anthony managed a soft chuckle, then sighed again, pinching the bridge of his nose. "I mean...it's my fault, I shouldn't have worn-" 

"Shut it," Azra said gently, and Anthony closed his eyes, trying not to start sobbing again. "You should be able to wear whatever you damn well please, and you looked so beautiful this morning. It's  _ their _ fault, not yours." 

"Thank you," Anthony muttered, taking a slow breath. 

"You're welcome. Now get home quickly, okay? I want to give you a great big kiss and a nice tight hug." 

"Okay. I love you," Anthony said softly, managing a small smile. 

"I love you too, my beautiful, stunning, insanely smart mate. I'll see you soon." 

Azra hung up and Anthony took a few moments to breathe before quietly slipping out of the bathroom. He walked through the halls and headed for the main entrance, slipping his car keys out of his pocket as he went. 

As soon as Anthony slipped through the doors, however, his heart sank. There was a group of alphas near the doorway, all smoking and laughing, and he recognised some of them as the ones who'd been shouting during his presentation. 

He ducked his head and walked a little faster, but they'd already spotted him. 

"Hey! Where ya going, tranny?" One of them jeered, and Anthony flinched, clutching his car keys tighter as he felt the alphas looming around him, all of them much broader and stronger than him. 

"Leaving already? Such a shame, would have been nice to see a sissy boy embarrass himself!" 

Anthony walked even faster, his heart pounding in his chest, expecting every second to be grabbed or punched, but it never came. The shouting stopped as soon as he rounded a corner, and he broke into a run, his feet pounding on the pavement as he bolted back to the Bentley, wrenching the door open and collapsing into the seat. His chest heaved, sucking in great lungfuls of air, his hands shaking as he fumbled to get the key in the ignition. As soon as the engine started, he slammed the car into reverse, the tyres squealing as he pulled out of the parking space and into the road as quickly as possible. 

As he drove, he ground his hands against the steering wheel, his breath shaky in his chest, the tears welling up again. He slapped the radio on and took deep breaths, trying to replay Azra's soft voice counting to him the whole way home. 

* * *

When Anthony finally arrived back, he unlocked the door and was immediately pulled into a tight hug. He turned his head into Azra's soft blond curls and began to cry quietly, all the emotion he'd been suppressing during the drive home coming out at once. Azra quickly pulled away and took his hand instead, gently guiding him upstairs and into the bathroom, where he started the bath tap running before sitting Anthony down on the closed toilet lid.

"Shhh, darling. It's alright. You're okay," Azra soothed, blue eyes full of worry as he crouched down and started undoing Anthony's buttons. "It's okay to cry, it's good to get it out sometimes," he murmured, and Anthony gently grabbed at his arms, clinging to him as he slipped the blouse off Anthony's shoulders. 

"Did something else happen?" Azra asked softly, starting on Anthony's belt carefully. 

Anthony managed a shaky nod and wiped his eyes, sniffling. "Y-yeah. A bunch of them were smoking outside wh-when I left, and they shouted," he mumbled, and Azra sighed, helping him slip his trousers off and rubbing the tops of his thighs. 

"I'm sorry, my darling. You're safe now, I promise. That must have been really scary," he murmured, and Anthony nodded, unable to stifle a quiet sob.

"I th-thought they were gonna grab me," he admitted, and Azra sighed, slipping Anthony's socks off before gently standing him up and helping him with his underwear. 

"I'm sorry, Anthony. I really am sorry," he muttered, helping him over to the tub and supporting him as he sank down into the water. "I understand how awful it is being a transgender omega, but it's so much worse for AMAB alphas. I really wish I could do something." 

Anthony forced a shaky smile and reached out, stroking Azra's cheek lightly. "You are. You're here, with me. You accept me for who I am." 

Azra managed to smile back, his eyes slightly wet. "I love you." 

"I love you too," Anthony murmured, almost relieved to hear those words. Azra kissed his cheek, then opened the bathroom cupboard and took out a lavender bath bomb, dropping it into the water. Then he cleaned his hands on a towel and pulled Anthony's hair back from his face, starting to plait it slowly. Anthony let his eyes close up, focusing on the smell of the lavender, the feel of the hot water climbing up his body, those hands in his hair. 

It was all so blissful, so gentle, and he felt everything start to fade away, the sharp edges of those nasty memories already becoming dull, blunted by time and the opposing force of such pure contentment. 

Azra kissed his cheek and began to sing ever so softly, shocking Anthony. The last time he'd heard Azra sing had been his birthday, and before that, he wasn't sure. But now, that soft, clear, beautiful voice was rolling out just for him, Azra's cheeks bright red when Anthony stole a glance. He didn't recognise the song, but it was slow and loving, just like Azra's touch. 

_ "Yours are the sweetest eyes I've ever seen," _ Azra sang quietly, his voice so perfect it almost made Anthony want to cry. 

He closed his eyes again, sinking a little deeper into the water as Azra tucked the finished plait over his shoulder, then stroked the backs of his plump fingers over Anthony's cheek. The song finished and the silence suddenly seemed too loud, pressing in on them as Azra shifted position slightly, gently taking Anthony's hand in both of his and squeezing lightly. Anthony managed a soft smile and stifled a yawn, suddenly feeling absolutely exhausted. 

After a good long soak, Azra helped Anthony out of the tub and into some warm pajamas before leading him downstairs. Emily was curled up in the armchair, watching cartoons, so Azra sat Anthony down on the couch and kissed the side of his head lightly. Emily looked at him and slid off the armchair, walking over and crawling into his lap wordlessly. Anthony let out a slow sigh and hugged her tightly, her little body tucked up against his so comfortably. 

"I'm sorry you had a bad day, Dad," she mumbled, and he squeezed his eyes shut against the sudden torrent of emotion. 

"Thank you, love. I'll be okay," he promised, just as Azra walked back in with a tray, three bowls of magnificent cake and ice cream set out on it. Emily immediately scrambled off Anthony's lap and went back to the armchair to eat hers, so Azra sat down beside Anthony, flashing him a soft smile before they both started to eat. 

Once Anthony had finished, Azra put a movie on and Anthony immediately laid down, curling up with his head in Azra's lap, a blanket pulled over him. Azra chuckled to himself softly and gently undid Anthony's plait, combing his fingers through the alpha's hair over and over. After a few minutes of this, Anthony began to feel sleepy, and allowed his eyes to close up, a soft breath leaving his body as he sank into blissful, contented unconsciousness. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys!  
> I know I'm already breaking my new update schedule lmao but I have some very exciting news!  
> Unfortunately I'm not allowed to say what it is here because of AO3's rules and I don't want to get reported (I'm not allowed to promote things that make me money), but I've put it up on my twitter as a link in my bio! Please go check out my twitter on @southdownsraph (lol)  
> Anyway, I hope you all are doing well, and I'll be putting chapter 45 up on Friday! :)


	45. Chapter Forty Five

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter contains: mention of trial, harrassment; sexual content.

Azra woke to Anthony gently shaking his shoulder, the alpha's voice soft. 

"Angel? Wake up, love. You slept through your alarm." 

Azra's eyes snapped open, and he sat up hurriedly, suddenly panicked, but Anthony just chuckled softly. 

"Hey, it's alright. I've gotten Emily up, she's eating breakfast," he soothed, trying to smooth down Azra's unruly curls. "There's no need to panic. I thought you could do with an extra ten minutes." 

Relaxing, Azra nodded, stifling a yawn before reaching for his mate, who obligingly sat down next to him, slipping an arm around his waist. 

"It's Gabriel's trial today, how are you feeling?" Anthony asked very softly, and Azra winced, leaning into the alpha quickly. 

"I'm okay. I'm really glad we decided not to go. The lawyer is going to read out my statement and everything, right?" He murmured, finding Anthony's hand and squeezing it tightly. 

"Yep," Anthony said quietly, kissing the side of his head. "They've got the videos and the pictures and apparently they found more in his house." 

"Good," Azra muttered, looking down at his hands. "He got those domestic violence charges added, then?" 

"Yes. And four counts of grievous bodily harm with intent," Anthony sighed, running his fingers through Azra's hair slowly. "The time he broke your wrist for eating wrong or whatever, that was on tape and they found that in his house, as well as the stabbings." 

Azra nodded, all his emotion draining away as he stared down at his lap. He'd been letting Anthony handle the reading up on the case, trusting him to impart all the important facts so Azra didn't have to read anything potentially triggering. But it was still difficult, knowing that so many people were going to watch those videos, so many people were going to listen to the statement he'd written. 

"Azra, stay home today," Anthony begged softly, gently pulling at his hand. "Take the day off work and spend it with me. Please."

Azra sighed and shook his head, getting up slowly and letting Anthony's hand slip from his as he walked to the closet to change into his uniform. "No, I...I need the distraction," he said quietly. "I need to have something to do, I need it to be a normal day." 

"Alright, angel," Anthony murmured, walking up behind him and gently turning him around. "Promise me you'll come home if you feel bad?" 

Azra managed a weak smile and nodded, leaning up to kiss his cheek. 

"Promise. Will you make me a coffee?" 

"Of course, love," Anthony smiled, pulling him into a brief hug. Azra felt a flash of his worry, that loving, fierce concern, the need to protect him. It was comforting, in a way, and he leaned into the embrace, sighing softly when Anthony pulled away. 

* * *

Azra was stocking shelves when he heard the bell on the counter ring. He sighed and put the box he was holding down, walking past John to get to the counter. A rather attractive young woman in a grey pantsuit with long blonde hair smiled at him. There were two guys with her, dressed in very basic jeans and t-shirts, but she was holding a packet of hair ties, so Azra smiled. 

"Do you need anything else today?" He asked in a friendly way, but the two men flanking the woman were making him nervous. 

"Your name is Azra, right?" She answered with her own question, and Azra looked down at his name tag, then nodded, scanning the packet and clearing his throat awkwardly.

"That's one pound fifty, please," he said, trying to keep his smile and failing. 

"Here," the woman said brightly, handing over the cash. "Can I ask you a question?" 

Azra nodded, but didn't reply, swallowing hard as he glanced at the two impassive men again. 

"How do you feel about Gabriel Arch's trial?" 

Azra's eyes widened and he suddenly felt a bit dizzy, his mouth falling open slightly. "Wh-what?" 

"I work for the local newspaper, and since we don't have much crime in this area, everyone is very interested," she said quickly, trying out a bright smile that made Azra nauseous. "Would you be willing to give a statement?" 

Azra stared at her for a second, then turned on his heel and walked into the back, causing John to look up from his desk. 

"Everything alright?" 

"N-no, there's a reporter here," Azra answered shakily, trying to catch his already shortening breath. John's eyebrows furrowed in anger, a scowl appearing on his normally amiable face. 

"They're all predators, the lot of them," he growled, getting up quickly. "Preying on victims so they can sell their stupid, empty newspapers!" 

He slipped past Azra, giving his arm a gentle squeeze on the way, and Azra hesitated for a moment before following him. 

"Get out of my shop, please. Yes, now!" John was snarling, stepping through the door into the shop and shooing at the reporter and her men. "You ought to be ashamed!" 

"You work with Azra, maybe you'd like to-" the woman tried, but John folded his arms over his chest, simply glaring at her until she finally found the sense to leave. 

As soon as she was gone, he turned and gave Azra a worried look. "You should go home, Azra. They've been saying some horrible stuff in the news, I don't want you exposed to it. Go and spend the day with that mate of yours." 

Azra opened his mouth to protest, but he knew he couldn't cope with that happening again, so he just nodded forlornly. 

Anthony was watching the news when Azra got home, but he turned it off before Azra even walked into the living room, so Azra flopped down beside him and gave a deep sigh. 

"Do you want to talk about it?" Anthony asked softly, and Azra just shrugged noncommittally. "You didn't text to say you were coming home." 

"Well, it's only a five minute drive, so it didn't seem worth it," Azra mumbled, then looked down at his lap. "A reporter came in to get a statement from me. John kicked her out and then told me to go home." 

"Good. I'm glad he was supportive," Anthony said simply, and Azra curled up against him, letting his head fall onto the alpha's shoulder. 

"Anthony?" 

"Mm?" 

"John said they were...saying nasty stuff about me on the news," Azra began slowly, thoughtfully, and Anthony sighed, wrapping an arm around him. 

"Yeah. I um...I didn't want to upset you, so I didn't bring it up." 

"I know I'm going to regret this, but I want to know," Azra said softly, but firmly, and Anthony sighed. 

"I know how stubborn you are, I know there's no point in arguing. Well...really, it all just boils down to sexism, saying that you're being malicious and faked the evidence. Some people have argued that alphas should be allowed to do whatever they like to their omegas in their own homes, that kind of disgusting stuff. It's just sparked a big debate, and people are getting nasty like they always do," Anthony murmured, rubbing Azra's side slowly. "I'm sorry, angel." 

"It's not your fault," Azra pointed out quietly, then gently ran his hand down Anthony's thigh. "I need to be distracted," he added, and Anthony just nodded. 

"Go and get changed, and I'll take you out. I had a plan just in case I could convince you to stay here."

"Of course you did," Azra teased lovingly, and Anthony chuckled, squeezing him a little tighter before watching him get up. 

"Mhm. Go on." 

* * *

About an hour later, they got out of the Bentley and Azra let out a deep sigh. It was cold, but the coastline was beautiful, and the beach was entirely empty. It had an odd lonely feel to it that also managed to contain peacefulness, and it was washing away Azra's worry as soon as he set foot on the sand. 

Anthony's hand found his and they simply walked for a while. The wind was too loud for them to talk, especially with their thick hoods pulled up, but they were holding hands tightly enough that it didn't matter. They were simply experiencing the world together, enjoying the view and the fresh air. 

Eventually, they found some big boulders and sat down facing the sea, staring off at the waves. Anthony's arm slipped around Azra, and they cuddled up happily, Azra's thoughts occupied with nothing but his mate and the feeling of that arm around him. His head dropped onto Anthony's shoulder, and the alpha purred, squeezing him slightly. 

"Anthony?" 

"Mm?" 

"I love you." 

Anthony chuckled softly, his laughter almost lost to the wind. "I love you too, angel." 

Azra smiled to himself, closing his eyes as he huddled closer to Anthony, their bodies pressed together. 

The walk back seemed to take even longer, but Azra didn't mind, walking along close to the waves and laughing when Anthony's boots got wet. By the time they got back to the car, they needed to pick Emily up, so they left immediately, Azra's head falling against the window sleepily. 

"Are you feeling any better?" Anthony asked quietly, and Azra stifled a yawn. 

"Yeah, a bit. It was a lovely walk, thank you for that," he added, flashing his mate a soft smile. "But I don't think I'll feel completely normal until the verdict comes in." 

"Hopefully we'll get the sentence and everything today," Anthony sighed, his hand sliding over Azra's leg gently. "It's going to be alright, I promise. Let's get takeout tonight and just watch movies with Em and have a relax." 

"That sounds really good," Azra admitted quietly, closing his eyes again and getting comfortable in the car. 

"And maybe a nice bath and a cuddle. I'm sure we'll be celebrating," Anthony added, and Azra could hear the smile in his voice, lending him just a touch of hope. 

* * *

Once they'd picked Emily up, they headed straight home, and Azra gently led her inside, helping her get the box of art stuff down from the shelf while Anthony followed more slowly. He was looking at something on his phone, a frown carved deep into his expression, so Azra tried not to think about what it could be and started taking coloured pencils and crayons out of the box instead. Then he grabbed some paper and spread it out, sitting down at the table with Emily. She started to draw straight away, her tongue sticking out the side of her mouth in concentration while she worked. 

"Azra? Come here a second," Anthony said quietly, and Azra looked up sharply, his heart pounding in his chest. He got up slowly and walked over, thoughts racing through his mind of what it could be. He fumbled to shove his hands in his pockets, his throat tight as he stopped in front of his alpha. 

"He was convicted on all counts," Anthony murmured, showing Azra the news article on his phone. "The jury deliberated for just over an hour, which is really quick for so many charges. And...the best part?" He went on, allowing a soft smile to spread across his face. "He got life in prison, angel. He's never going to bother you again." 

Azra just went still, barely breathing, his eyes wide. He wasn't really looking at Anthony anymore, instead just staring at nothing, his pulse racing. He'd spent so long wishing he could be free, hating Gabriel, and at long last, he could be sure he would never have to see him again. 

It felt as if an era was over, a part of his life where he'd always had Gabriel hanging over his head, the possibility that he might come back never small enough to be comforting. Azra looked down at the floor, then closed his eyes, shuddering slightly. He felt arms around him and fell into Anthony's chest, starting to sob as soon as the alpha touched him. 

It was all just so overwhelming, so much relief, so much freedom, so much security, and it was all piling on top of him at once. He couldn't get it out any other way but to simply cry, and so he allowed himself to sob, his fingers curling in the back of Anthony's shirt. 

"I know, angel. I know," Anthony murmured, squeezing Azra tightly and cradling the back of his head. "I told you it was going to be okay. I told you, didn't I? And now we get to celebrate," he added with a chuckle, and Azra nodded, clutching at him, clinging to him. He wanted to be as close to Anthony as possible, he wanted to feel that warmth up against him. 

"Daddy? Are you alright?" 

"He's okay, love," Anthony soothed, and Azra shifted slightly, trying to take deep breaths and start to calm himself down. "He's just a bit overwhelmed, but it's good crying." 

Azra gently pulled away from Anthony, wiping his eyes before managing a shaky smile for Emily. "I'm alright, I promise. What do you want for dinner, love? We're going to have some takeout to celebrate." 

Emily frowned, leaning against the table. "Celebrate what?" 

"Well, Gabriel got put in prison today," Azra said quietly, walking over to sit down next to her again. "For all the things he did to me when we were together, and for trying to take you and hurting Dad. So he won't bother us again." 

Emily seemed to think about this for a bit, then nodded. "I don't want him to hurt you again, so I'm glad," she announced, then looked down at her drawing before those sharp blue eyes focused on Azra again. "Can we get Indian?" 

Azra smiled and felt Anthony's hands on his shoulders, rubbing gently. "Of course, love. Is that alright with you, Anthony?"

"Mhm, sounds good to me," Anthony hummed, leaning down to kiss Azra's cheek. "How about we all go watch a movie and I'll order it in about an hour?" 

* * *

They all spent the rest of the evening either piled on the couch together or eating at the table, watching plenty of movies and enjoying a veritable feast of takeout. Azra couldn't stop looking at or touching Anthony, his chest feeling so full of happiness and pride. He just wanted to curl up with his mate forever, and bask in the glory of freedom. 

Once Emily was in bed and asleep, Azra and Anthony climbed into bed together, facing one another while they relaxed. 

"How are you feeling?" Anthony asked, breaking the silence in a soft, gentle voice, his fingertips trailing over Azra's cheek. 

"Just relieved still," Azra murmured, letting his eye slip closed. "I don't feel particularly happy, in a weird way. I just feel...like it was supposed to happen, I suppose. Like this is just the end of something that's been building up for a while." 

"I can understand that," Anthony nodded, leaning in and pressing a light, fleeting kiss to Azra's lips. "I love you, y'know. Do you feel like celebrating with me a bit? It's perfectly fine if not." 

Azra hummed to himself, blue eyes fixing on gold while he thought about it, biting at his lip lightly. "Yeah," he said slowly, the smile that spread across Anthony's face making him feel warm and desirable. "But I'd...well, I'd really like to top," he admitted, and Anthony just nodded, stroking his hair lightly before kissing him again, just briefly. 

"I'd love that, angel. You did so well last time, it was a lot of fun," Anthony smiled, and Azra felt his cheeks start to heat up slightly. 

"Would you maybe consider getting dressed up for me as well?" He asked tentatively, and Anthony's eyes widened, his smile turning into more of a smirk. 

"Oh, absolutely. I like this confidence, asking me for things. How about you go downstairs for a few minutes and I'll text you when I'm ready?" 

"That sounds perfect," Azra smiled, kissing Anthony's cheek before slipping out of bed and heading downstairs eagerly. He couldn't wait - he'd never felt this excited about sex before; now that he felt so much more free, he really felt like he could begin to leave his past behind him. 

He threw himself down on the couch and curled up, biting his lip lightly as he thought, just mulling things over. 

Despite his excitement, Azra was glad he was topping. He knew that, realistically, just knowing that Gabriel was in prison wouldn't be enough to stop the panic attacks or flashbacks if something upset him, even if it did make him feel better. Being able to have Anthony under him rather than on top of him was certainly going to eliminate some of that risk. 

After a few minutes, he felt his phone buzz and got up quickly, hurrying up the stairs. He knocked lightly before slipping inside, shutting the door behind him and turning. 

His jaw dropped, his eyes wide as he stared at his mate. Anthony was dressed in his black lingerie set again, his hair pulled back into a loose plait, a touch of eyeliner and lipstick making him look polished and perfect. He'd gotten a new garter belt and black thigh-highs and Azra couldn't get over how elegant and sexy he looked. Then Azra's eyes drifted down slightly to the lacy panties, that bulge standing out against them, and swallowed. 

"Jesus  _ Christ,  _ every time I'm surprised by how much this turns me on," he chuckled, and Anthony grinned, beckoning to him. 

"Come here, love. Let's get you undressed, yeah?" 

Azra nodded, slipping his t-shirt off and just dropping it on the floor before walking to Anthony, undoing his belt on the way. Anthony smiled softly and undid the button, allowing Azra to wriggle the jeans off himself before pulling him into a quick kiss. 

"I might have bought you something," Anthony admitted softly, and Azra hummed, leaning up to kiss him again, tugging on the plait lightly. 

"You'd better tell me what, hadn't you?" He purred, and Anthony took a deep breath, stepping back. He went to the closet and took down their box they kept their toys and lingerie in, fishing out what looked like a pair of black boxer briefs, along with the dildo they'd used in the strap last time. 

"Take your underwear off," Anthony said quietly, walking back to Azra, who slipped his underwear off quickly, frowning slightly. He stepped into the briefs as he was told and realised they had a hole in the front. Anthony fitted the dildo into the briefs carefully, then looked up at his mate. 

"Does it feel secure? I'm not sure how well it's going to work, but I thought maybe...maybe it might help with dysphoria a little more," he murmured, and Azra shook his head slightly, taking a deep breath. 

"I'm so lucky to have you, darling. You do so much for me, even easing dysphoria that I barely knew I had," he smiled, suddenly feeling rather emotional. "I'm not going to cry over some underwear, I promise," he said quickly, and Anthony chuckled, kissing his forehead softly and hugging him loosely. 

"It wouldn't be weird if you did, angel, I understand," Anthony soothed, and Azra leaned against him for a moment or two, then broke away, letting out a soft little sigh. 

"It does feel surprisingly secure and really comfortable," he added, and Anthony smiled. 

"Cool, we'll give it a try, then. Are you...are you ready?" 

Azra nodded, reaching up to brush an escaped lock of hair behind Anthony's ear. "Yeah, go lay down on your back for me." 

"Yes, sir," Anthony joked happily, walking over to the bed and laying down while Azra dimmed the lights. 

Azra walked over to the bed slowly and just admired the view for a moment, then slowly got onto the bed, straddling Anthony's hips. He could see the anticipation and desire in the alpha's eyes, and it was making him even more eager, his heart pounding in his chest. 

"I love seeing you on top of me, you look so sexy," Anthony purred, and Azra chuckled, leaning down and running his hands over the corset, feeling the fabric expand as the alpha's chest rose. 

"Well, I wish you could see yourself right now," he smiled, slowly tugging at the lacing on the side of the corset and delighting in the little sigh that left Anthony's lips. "You look amazing. So beautiful and sexy and I just...I can't wait to hear you moan for me," Azra mumbled, going a little red. "Sorry, I'm...I'm not used to sexy talk," he fumbled, and Anthony just smiled, reaching up to rub his thigh lightly. 

"You're doing fantastic, angel. Don't worry, yeah? But you don't have to talk, if you don't feel comfortable," Anthony soothed, but Azra just smiled and pulled at the laces again, watching as they slid through the eyelets slowly, his mouth watering slightly as he thought of what was underneath all this fiddly clothing. 

"I want to push myself a bit, it doesn't upset me or anything," he answered quietly, and Anthony nodded, smiling up at his mate contentedly. 

"I had a pretty good self-image before I met you, but you've improved it tenfold, y'know," Anthony spoke up after a couple moments of silence textured only by the sluggish, teasing scraping of the laces against the metal eyelets. 

"Good," Azra said simply, rubbing lightly at Anthony's ribs where his skin was starting to peek out from under the corset. 

Anthony let silence fall again, then sighed heavily, and Azra knew he'd started to achieve his goal of irritating his mate. It hadn't been fun when he hadn't noticed the snail's pace Azra was taking, but now his golden eyes were starting to betray his exasperation, and Azra exalted in the control he had over the alpha. 

"Azra, I-" 

"Hush," Azra cut him off gently, flashing him a small smile. 

"But do you need any help, or-" 

"No, I know what I'm doing," Azra purred, pulling at the laces again. Anthony looked away briefly, his jaw tightening, and Azra knew he'd won. He wasn't sure what exactly he'd won, but Anthony was clearly backing down. 

Azra finally slid the last part of the laces free, and Anthony let out a soft sigh, scrambling to slip the thing off and toss it over the edge of the bed. But Azra wasn't going to let him off that lightly. 

He stroked his hands down those lithe sides, feeling Anthony squirm under him, and smiled to himself. 

"Close your eyes, darling. And keep them closed until I say," he commanded softly, and Anthony obeyed immediately, relaxing slightly as he relinquished that last little bit of control. 

Azra grinned to himself and gazed down at his partner for a moment, then slid off his hips and started to pull his garter belt down. Anthony lifted himself up slightly to help, and the stockings peeled off easily, Azra's movements still slow and deliberate. Anthony gave a tiny shudder and Azra just smiled again, stroking his hands up Anthony's legs and spreading his thighs. Anthony tried to pull his knees up, but Azra gently pinned them to the bed. 

"Ah-ah. Too eager," he reprimanded softly, and Anthony groaned, shaking his head slightly. 

"Azra, I-" 

"You need to learn to have some patience," Azra scolded, without any real bite to his tone, the smile still playing at his lips as he pointedly ignored Anthony's growing bulge and moved back up to straddle him again. He let his fingers casually brush over Anthony's nipples, relishing the little jerk of his body, then leaned down and kissed his cheek. Anthony turned his head hurriedly, searching for Azra's lips, but the omega was already leaning down, kissing his jaw, his neck. Anthony sighed softly, his lips parting, his back arching slightly as if trying to seek more touch, and Azra obliged, his hand sliding up to one of Anthony's nipples and rubbing lightly while he kissed along the alpha's collarbone. 

Anthony moaned ever so softly at the touch, so Azra pinched the hardening bud gently, causing Anthony to moan again, much louder this time. 

"Mm, good alpha," Azra hummed, grinning lazily before mouthing over the other nipple sloppily, swirling his tongue and sucking ever so lightly before moving down to kiss Anthony's ribs. 

"Ahh...oh, I love you," Anthony breathed, his voice full of gentle joy and pleasure, his chest heaving slightly. "Please, angel.." 

Azra smiled to himself and kissed the other side of the alpha's body, then grazed his teeth against that sensitive skin, and felt Anthony's body jolt under his once again. An idea slipped into his mind and he followed it without thinking, kissing a little lower before biting down. 

He didn't bite hard, just enough for Anthony to feel it, and maybe leave a light hickey, but to his surprise, it drew an obscene moan from Anthony, his hips bucking as he gasped. 

"Fffuck, Azra!" He cried, and Azra grinned, diving down and rubbing over one of Anthony's barely-defined pecs before biting down hard just above his nipple. The alpha cried out and rolled, his cock accidentally nudging against the back of Azra's thigh, already desperate for attention, and Azra smiled triumphantly. He'd barely touched Anthony, and already he was fully hard and falling apart under his omega, just the way Azra wanted him. 

"You like that, hmm? You like being the omega for a change?" Azra purred, then chuckled, grabbing Anthony's plait and giving it a firm tug. "You really are quite submissive, aren't you? When you want to be." 

Anthony's brow furrowed, his lips parting again, and Azra decided to bring it down a notch once more, his hands sliding over Anthony's cheeks as he leaned in to kiss him. 

As soon as their lips met, Anthony was kissing him eagerly, but Azra kept the pace slow and gentle, not wanting to let his control slip just yet. 

When he broke away, he lingered slightly, then leaned back, running his thumbs over Anthony's cheekbones. "You can open your eyes, darling," he declared softly, and those golden eyes opened immediately, staring up at him reverently. 

"God, I missed looking at you," Anthony breathed, and Azra blushed immediately, biting his lip lightly. 

"Do you think you could um...prep yourself? I need to pee," he mumbled, and Anthony nodded quickly. 

"Yeah, okay. Are you alright, angel?" 

Azra nodded, slipping off Anthony and standing up. "Yep." 

He walked into the bathroom and closed the door behind him, then used the toilet and just sat there for a minute or two, his mind wandering off without him. He couldn't help thinking about Gabriel, about the fact that he'd have to spend the rest of his life behind bars, and the twinge of guilt shocked him. 

But then, Azra thought gloomily, wasn't that exactly how Gabriel had trained him to think? He was property, and he'd betrayed his owner. Just the thought made him furious, furious that he'd internalised so much even after so long, furious that even when he'd thought he was free, he was already discovering those invisible scars anew. 

A knocking interrupted Azra's thoughts, and he looked up quickly. 

"I'm worried about you, love," Anthony said quietly. "We don't have to-" 

"I'm fine, honestly," Azra cut in hurriedly. "I'll be two seconds." 

Anthony hesitated, sounding a bit doubtful when he next spoke. "Alright, I'm ready when you are, anyway." 

Azra nodded to himself and took a deep breath. He could put it aside, he could compartmentalise. He would enjoy the time he had with his gorgeous mate in his bed, and they would talk things over afterwards, during a comforting cuddle. 

Once he'd washed his hands, Azra slipped out of the bathroom and into the bedroom, confidently making his way back to the bed, where Anthony was waiting on a towel, his panties barely covering his bulge, his knees drawn up and his eyes half closed. 

"Hey," Azra smiled, and Anthony reached out to him, gently taking his hand. 

"Are you sure you don't want to talk to me?" He pressed softly, and Azra shook his head, leaning down to kiss his mate lightly. 

"I'm okay, my love. I had a couple of not great thoughts, but I want to have fun now and talk later," he murmured, and Anthony nodded, squeezing his hand tightly. 

"If you ever need to stop, you just say so, okay?" 

Azra smiled and brushed his knuckles over Anthony's cheek lightly, just taking in the beauty of those golden eyes. "I know, darling. Take your panties off for me." 

Anthony blinked, but did as he was told, letting his length free of the lacy fabric, still fully hard and needy. Azra climbed onto the bed and grabbed a condom from the drawer, quickly rolling it onto the dildo before smoothing lube over the length. Then he looked up at Anthony and smiled softly, his chest warming at the sight of his mate, so ready and excited to have him. 

"I love you," Azra announced as he leaned over the alpha, and Anthony simply smiled, sliding one hand into Azra's hair. 

"I love you too." 

Azra lined up and began to push, the way Anthony's eyebrows clashed together making his whole body feel hot as the alpha moaned softly, his chest rising and falling quickly, his fingers curling in Azra's hair. The tip began to open him up and Azra pulled back, adding some more lube before starting again, managing to work the head in this time. He paused there for a moment, leaning down and kissing Anthony slowly. 

"You feel really tight, everything okay?" He murmured against the alpha's lips, and Anthony nodded, still breathing heavily. 

"A bit tense, but it'll pass." 

Azra nodded and pulled back again, letting the dildo slide free and leaning over his mate. Anthony blinked and opened his mouth to protest, but Azra shushed him softly, stroking his cheek slowly. 

"I don't want to hurt you," he murmured, his touch gentle, relishing the feeling of Anthony's soft skin. "We'll just relax for a moment and see if it gets easier, okay?" 

Anthony's worried expression melted into a smile, and Azra kissed him, one hand still resting on his cheek, the other stroking up and down his side. The kiss was slow and loving, and exactly the kind of kiss Azra adored, and when he pulled away, he gave a quiet little sigh. 

"Azra.."

He opened his eyes and smiled down at his mate, nodding slightly. "Mm?" 

Anthony reached up, running his fingers through those beautiful golden curls, his smile a little shaky. "I just...I love you. So, so much." 

"I love you too, darling," Azra replied gently, reaching down and lining himself up before starting to press in slowly. Anthony closed his eyes, moaning softly as he relaxed into the feeling. This time, Azra slid in much more easily, only taking a few seconds to work the entire shaft into Anthony. 

"What a good alpha," Azra purred, and saw the smile on his mate's face, loving how good he could make Anthony feel. "Legs up a bit more, darling," he added, and Anthony shifted position, allowing Azra to press just that little bit deeper. The omega ran his hands over Anthony's sides, then leaned down and kissed him again, one hand curling around his glossy plait, the other rubbing his chest lightly. Azra allowed his fingers to bump up against Anthony's nipple and felt the way the alpha twitched under him, causing a little burst of triumph to spread out in his chest. 

Then he began to rock, aiming carefully. Anthony immediately arched, gasping out Azra's name, his fingers scrabbling for a grip on the omega's back. "R-right there! Fuck!" 

Azra grinned and shifted position, sitting back slightly and wrapping a hand around Anthony's length. The alpha cried out again, and Azra just hummed to himself, starting a nice, slow pace. Every stroke rocked the tip of the dildo deep inside his partner, nudging right up against his prostate and causing him to moan and shudder. 

Azra made sure to stroke Anthony's cock at the same slow, easy pace of his thrusts, loving every sound Anthony made, his desperation apparent in his cries. 

"That's it, darling. You're taking me so well," Azra praised softly, running his hands up the backs of Anthony's thighs and pinning them against his chest before shifting position again and starting to thrust with slightly longer strokes. Anthony groaned happily, reaching down to try to grab at Azra, but a particularly well-aimed thrust caused him to jerk and moan, his back arching. 

"Good, it's alright," Azra murmured, shifting position again and taking Anthony's hands, lacing their fingers and pinning them beside his head. Anthony's golden eyes opened, clouded with pleasure, a foggy smile on his face. 

"Azra," he whined softly, and the omega smiled, leaning down to kiss him briefly. 

"You're such a good alpha for me, aren't you?" He praised quietly, knowing Anthony loved it, his hands squeezing his mate's lightly. "Are you going to be extra good and cum for me, darling?" 

Anthony nodded quickly and Azra smiled, starting to thrust a little faster, but careful to keep the same depth and angle. Anthony's eyebrows clashed, his mouth falling open, and he moaned, again and again, gasping out little pleas for more, which Azra answered, keeping those hands pinned as he picked up the pace slightly, watching Anthony's face. 

The alpha's eyes rolled back, his breathing becoming uneven, and Azra's eyes widened slightly, excitement bubbling in his chest. He wanted to give Anthony that pleasure, he wanted to see him in the throes of ecstasy Azra himself had caused. 

"Good, cum for me, darling, that's it," Azra purred, his words a little shaky as he breathed heavily, speeding up just a little more. Anthony cried out and Azra could tell from his face, the way his body twitched, the pitch of his moans. 

Then he suddenly shuddered, his whole body tensing, his head tipping back, and Azra hilted inside him, rocking up against his prostate while he came, choked moans somehow forming his mate's name. 

"What a good alpha," Azra crooned, reaching down between them and gently stroking Anthony through his orgasm, then slowly pulling out, leaving him trembling and gasping, his eyes firmly closed. 

"Was that okay?" Azra asked softly, suddenly nervous, and Anthony chuckled breathlessly, putting his shaking legs down and opening his eyes to look at Azra. 

"God yes," Anthony grinned, and Azra breathed a sigh of relief. 

"I'll um...I'll go get some damp rags to clean up," he announced softly, and Anthony nodded, closing his eyes again and relaxing into the bed. 

Azra walked to the bathroom and slipped the strap off, washing it quickly before grabbing a couple of rags from under the counter and wetting them with warm water. He hurried back to Anthony and climbed onto the bed, gently wiping the cum off his chest and stomach and giving him a quick kiss. 

"Roll over, love. I'll put the towel in the wash," he murmured, and Anthony grunted sleepily, but did as he was told. Azra pulled the towel off the bed and dumped it in the wash basket with the rags, then climbed back onto the bed and ran his hand down Anthony's side. 

"Darling?" 

Anthony's eyes opened lazily, blinking at his mate slowly. "Mm?" 

"Can we spoon for a bit?" Azra asked softly, and Anthony smiled, nodding. 

"Of course, angel. Come here," he murmured, opening his arm, and Azra rolled over to face away from him, purring as that strong arm wrapped around him, holding him tightly. Anthony's legs tucked up against the backs of Azra's, and the omega gave a happy little sigh, relaxing into the moment and just enjoying this quiet time with his love. 

After a few minutes, Anthony stirred, his grip on Azra tightening briefly, his face pressing into Azra's hair. "Mm, angel. Do you want me to help you?" He asked softly, his tone sleepy, but meaningful. Azra hummed thoughtfully, his eyes comfortably closed. 

"I would, but I'm so comfy," he mumbled, and Anthony purred, running his hand down Azra's side to his hip. 

"You don't have to move, my love," he pointed out softly. "Just put your leg up for me." 

Azra smiled to himself and shifted position, lifting his leg up and hooking it around the back of Anthony's legs, leaving himself open and exposed. 

"Good," Anthony purred, trailing his hand down slowly and rubbing at Azra's stomach lightly. "Is this okay? Do you feel comfortable and ready?" 

"Yes, darling, I do," Azra smiled, reaching behind him to stroke Anthony's hair, finding that lovely plait and hanging onto it gently. 

"Alright, let me know if that changes," Anthony murmured, sliding his hand down and over Azra. The omega gasped happily, his hips bucking slightly, and Anthony purred. 

"Mm, so wet from fucking me, hmm?" 

Azra's eyes slipped closed, his body melting into the touch as Anthony stroked over his needy cock, slow and gentle. 

"Ah-h! Yeah.." he groaned, rocking his hips slightly and feeling those fingers sliding further, rubbing over Azra's entrance lightly before pressing in, satiating a need that Azra hadn't noticed until that moment, having been too busy worrying about Anthony's pleasure. 

"Ohhh, Anthony," he moaned, and the alpha gave a soft little chuckle, curling his fingers and starting to stroke slowly, sliding in and out in an easy, gentle rhythm. 

"You can touch yourself anywhere you need, love. I haven't got the best angle here," Anthony murmured, leaning over slightly to kiss Azra's cheek. Azra nodded and reached down, starting to stroke his cock slowly while Anthony focused on thrusting inside him, those long fingers rubbing against Azra's sweet spot, then dipping deeper, working into him, hitting every nerve he needed. Azra rocked back against him, whining softly, and felt hot lips on his neck, a soft voice in his ear. 

"My beautiful, sexy omega," Anthony purred, thrusting a little faster, but still keeping it relatively slow. "I love you so so much, my angel." 

Azra let his eyes slip closed, basking in the pleasure and the love rolling off of Anthony, his body rocking, his back arched to try to push further down on Anthony's fingers. Anthony nuzzled at Azra's jaw, alternating between rubbing at his g-spot and thrusting deeper into him, each movement sending a wave of pleasure through the omega's body. 

Then Azra felt something change, his body warm, his breath quickening as his chest tightened. "Ahhh! Ohh fuck," he groaned, reaching back to grab at Anthony shakily. "I'm g-going into heat!" He gasped, and Anthony froze, suddenly concerned. 

"What? Are you okay?" 

Azra groaned in frustration, feeling the desire and heat rippling through him, Anthony's scent amplified in his perception. "Y-yeah! Sometimes having sex when I'm due a heat brings it on quicker," he explained breathlessly. "I'm fine, it skips the painful bit when this happens, I just...I need you!" He groaned, and Anthony nodded, kissing his neck lightly and nuzzling up against his jaw once more as he started to thrust his fingers. 

Azra moaned out happily, relief flooding through him, his body rocking, neediness taking over. Anthony gave him what he needed, moving a little quicker, rougher, while Azra began to rub the head of his cock, bucking against Anthony's fingers. 

He felt the build up begin and tried not to go faster, savouring the feeling as the pleasure welled up and broke. His whole body jerked, forcing a cry from his lungs as he came, Anthony's gentle fingers working him through it, carefully stroking him until he stopped shuddering and went still. 

"Better?" Anthony asked softly, and Azra grunted, slipping his eyes closed and relaxing as Anthony's hand ran up his side slowly. 

"Much, thank you." 

"You're welcome, angel. But I can't...I can't smell you," he said quietly, and Azra opened his eyes, staring off at nothing. "Is it just really weak?" 

Now that Anthony had called attention to it, Azra could tell, realising that on a normal heat, Anthony's fingers just wouldn't have been enough. He hummed in the back of his throat and shrugged. 

"I think it's fine. I'm probably still a bit irregular after being on suppressants for so long. I think I skipped one as well recently," he answered casually, and Anthony nodded, squeezing him gently. 

"As long as you're okay. But actually, it reminds me of something I'd been meaning to talk to you about," he added, and Azra rolled over to face him, tucking his hands under his head comfortably. 

"Mm?" 

"I was thinking uh...maybe we- well, you could consider birth control?" Anthony started awkwardly, then swallowed nervously. "I um...I think maybe it would be nice if we could start enjoying your heats a little more naturally. I don't mind condoms, at all, but I get a bit nervous that I might forget if we get too into it, or your heat is too strong. Obviously, you don't have to if you don't want to, I just thought maybe we could discuss it?" 

Azra contemplated this for a moment, then nodded slightly. "I trust you, darling. And I think it's a good idea. I'll make an appointment to see my doctor in the morning, I'll talk to her and see what my options are." 

"Alright, that sounds good," Anthony smiled, seeming slightly relieved as he pulled Azra into a quick kiss. "How about a movie before bed?" 

"Mm, let me just clean up," Azra hummed, getting up quickly and stumbling a bit on his way to the bathroom. 

"You okay?" 

"Just a bit shaky," Azra giggled, glancing back to flash Anthony a reassuring smile before slipping into the bathroom. He cleaned up, then headed back out to find Anthony already curled up under the blankets, half asleep. 

He seemed roused when Azra got back into bed, opening his eyes to smile at his mate. 

"Wasn't there something you wanted to talk about?" He asked quietly, and Azra took a breath, thinking back. It all seemed distant and unimportant now, after such a lovely, intimate time, and with his heat driving him closer to Anthony, telling him he needed to be held and surrounded with his alpha's scent. 

"In the morning," he mumbled, crawling closer to Anthony and hugging him tightly. "It's not so important now." 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys!   
> I hope you liked this chapter! I know you've all been waiting for Gabriel's comeuppance :)   
> Just a warning, the next chapter has some intense content in it, it's not violent or anything like that, but there's a lot of intense anxiety. I'll put more detailed warnings on it as always :)   
> And it'll be up sometime tomorrow <3<3   
> Hope you're all well and safe!


	46. Chapter Forty Six

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> WARNING - read the cw carefully please <3  
> This chapter contains: vomiting, panic attacks, brief mention of abortion as an evaluation of options (if you need more details let me know), angst.

Azra woke the next morning feeling dizzy. He just laid there for a moment, taking inventory, and found that his heat had dissipated overnight, oddly enough. He didn't think much of it, though, and sat up slowly, glancing down at Anthony's sleeping form beside him. Then he swung his legs over the edge of the bed and tried to get up, but nausea was already flooding through him, rising in his throat, making it hard to breathe.

Azra groaned and jumped up, hurrying for the bathroom shakily and falling to his knees just in time. He emptied his stomach, then just leaned against the toilet for a while, his chest rising and falling slowly as he waited for the nausea to go down. 

"Azra?" 

"Bathroom," he groaned, and the door opened, footsteps rushing over to him. Hands petted his hair and back, gentle as he closed his eyes. 

"What's wrong, angel? Are you okay?"

Azra tried to answer, but another wave of nausea broke over him and he vomited again, shuddering while Anthony ran his fingers through the omega's hair slowly. 

"Alright, I'm making you a doctor's appointment," Anthony announced softly, rubbing the small of Azra's back as he just sighed, wanting to argue, but not able to find the strength. "Is it just that same nausea you've been feeling lately?" 

"Yeah," Azra croaked, and Anthony sighed quietly. 

"I told you it would get worse," he mumbled, and Azra flipped him off weakly, causing him to snort and kiss the side of his head. "Is it going down?" 

Azra just nodded, slowly sitting back into Anthony's arm, the alpha pulling him into a gentle hug. 

"I've got you, angel," Anthony murmured, and Azra closed his eyes, letting out a slow breath and just sitting there in his mate's arms for a good few minutes. 

"I'll take Em to school and call you in sick, alright? You get back in bed," Anthony ordered gently after a long, peaceful silence. Azra nodded reluctantly, but knew that it was the best thing. He allowed Anthony to help him clean up, then wandered back to bed and curled up under the blankets. 

* * *

Sometime in the afternoon, Anthony woke Azra up and told him to get ready for the doctor, apologising that he had to be at a meeting and wouldn't be able to drive him. Azra just waved a hand sleepily and said he'd be fine driving himself, then got up and dressed. 

Anthony gave him a kiss before he left, and Azra smiled to himself as he got into the car. 

While he was driving, he thought about that morning and realised he felt absolutely fine, the nausea completely cleared up, so he resolved to spend the appointment asking about birth control rather than the nausea. After all, Anthony didn't have to find out, and Azra was sure he was fine. 

Once Azra arrived, he parked and headed into the building, checking himself in at the desk before sitting down in the waiting room. Luckily, the office was on time for once, and he was soon called in to speak to his doctor. 

"Hi, Azra," Dr. Richardson smiled as he walked in, sitting down in the chair next to her desk. "What did you want to speak about today?" 

Azra took a deep breath, feeling the blush already rising as he looked down at his lap. "Well, um...my mate and I were talking about my heats, since I'm off suppressants now, and he suggested that maybe we try birth control, so we don't have to worry about forgetting condoms," he said quietly, a little embarrassed by having to talk about sex to an almost-stranger. 

"Okay. There's a lot of options out there. Is there any chance you might be pregnant? Have you had sex on your heat recently?" 

Azra shook his head slightly, flashing a smile. "We mated a few months ago, but we used a condom then, I remember him putting it on," he said firmly, and the doctor sighed. 

"I'm sorry, Azra, but our policy says that if you've had sex on your heat in the last six months, you have to take a test. Here," she added, opening her desk drawer and pulling out a sample cup. "Just pop next door and get a urine sample for me. There's a little door in the bathroom that you put it in, a nurse will collect it, and we can have a chat about options while they run the test." 

Nerves suddenly flared up in Azra's chest, irrational, but difficult to ignore. "Okay," he said in a small voice, and got up, taking the cup next door. He filled the cup and placed it in the little cupboard, then slipped out of the bathroom and went back into Dr. Richardson's office to sit down. 

She smiled at him and pushed an information sheet towards him. "These are all the forms of birth control we offer here, there's everything from simple pills to injections and implants. I've crossed off the ones that use estrogen, because you obviously don't want any more of that in your system," she said with a soft chuckle, and Azra smiled, nodding slightly. "Also, since you get your testosterone injections in your hip, I think that getting the depo shot for birth control wouldn't be the best idea, because you'd have to get two injections in the same area," she went on, and was interrupted with a tone from her computer. 

"Oh, that'll be your results," Dr. Richardson smiled, turning and clicking on something on the screen. Azra couldn't see it from where he was sitting, so he tried to read her expression as she squinted at the monitor. 

She frowned, then sighed and turned to face Azra. "Okay. Don't panic quite yet, Azra, but your test has come up positive," she said gently, and his eyes widened, shock and fear bolting through his chest. 

"N-no, I can't be-...there must be-" he laughed nervously, and she held up a hand, interrupting him gently. 

"It might be a false positive, so take a deep breath. I'll get a nurse to come and give you an ultrasound, okay? If you go and sit in the waiting room for five minutes, we'll get the room ready and the nurse will run the ultrasound and I'll go through the results with you after, okay?" 

Azra nodded shakily, getting up on unsteady legs. He managed to thank the doctor and wandered back to the waiting room in a shocked daze, his arms wrapped tight around himself. He sank down into a chair and just stared at nothing, trembling all over. He couldn't let himself think that it might be true, that he was- 

But he couldn't even think the word, for fear of breaking down in front of everyone, so he just squeezed his eyes shut and tried not to panic. 

The nurse came to fetch him fairly promptly, and was very kind, rubbing his shoulder as he walked. 

"I can tell this is a bit of a surprise, huh?" The nurse said sympathetically, leading him into the dark room. "Come lay up here. You're doing very well," he added gently, flashing Azra a smile. "My name is Kenneth. Are you feeling okay apart from all this today?" He went on, clearly trying to distract Azra as he lifted the omega's shirt. 

"I'm okay, just a bit...a bit scared," Azra admitted softly, unbuttoning his jeans and pulling them down slightly. 

"I can understand that. It's a big surprise. Would this be your first?" Kenneth asked gently, smoothing the jelly over Azra's skin and fiddling with the screen, which was once again out of Azra's view. 

"No, I have a seven year old daughter," Azra said quietly. "But her father left when he found out I was pregnant." 

Kenneth shot him a sympathetic look, gently pressing the wand to Azra's stomach. "I'm sorry to hear that," he answered, beginning to move the wand slowly, watching the screen. "Does your mate like children?" 

"He loves them," Azra smiled shakily, forcing himself to relax against the bed, his head resting on the pillow. "But he's not big on surprises." 

"Well, I'm sure if you come up positive, it'll be a great one," Kenneth soothed, but Azra didn't say anything, staring up at the ceiling and worrying. 

After a moment or two and a few taps on the keys, Kenneth took the wand away, humming softly. "Alright, you're all good. I've sent the pictures to Dr. Richardson, so just pop back to her office and she'll tell you the results." 

Azra nodded and wiped his stomach with the tissue provided, then slipped off the bed and headed out of the room slowly. He found Dr. Richardson's door and knocked lightly before opening it, walking in slowly and taking a seat. She smiled at him and leaned towards him slightly, and his heart sank when he noticed the birth control information sheet was gone. 

Azra just stared at the blank desk, the doctor's voice sounding muffled and far away, his heartbeat much louder in his ears. He caught a few words here and there, like 'positive,' 'healthy,' and 'four months,' but the rest was unintelligible. 

Then a hand touched his and he jumped, looking up into the doctor's sympathetic gaze. "Do you need me to call someone?" 

A bolt of horror shot through Azra and he shook his head quickly, gasping softly. "N-no!" He almost shouted, then added a quieter 'please,' looking down at his hands shakily. 

"Are you sure? Maybe a friend or something?" The doctor pressed gently and Azra shook his head again, sniffling a bit. 

"I'm okay, I just...I really want some ice cream," he said firmly, and the doctor sighed, handing him a brown envelope. 

"I printed your pictures for when you feel ready, okay? When you've talked to your mate, you should bring him in so we can do a proper checkup and make sure everything's going well. Okay?" 

"Yes, thank you," Azra mumbled, desperate to get out of the office as quickly as possible. He was feeling sick again, and he needed fresh air, he needed  _ space. _

Azra got into his car a few minutes later still feeling dazed, staring at nothing for a moment before suddenly starting to cry. It came out of nowhere, but escalated quickly, going from soft little cries to heavy sobs in a matter of seconds. The only thought pounding in his mind, overwhelming everything else was very simple:  _ I'm going to lose Anthony.  _

And he couldn't think of anything worse. He felt like his life was over, like everything was over. He was trapped; there was nothing he could do. It felt as if the world had fallen down around him, and he could hear Gabriel's voice, taunting him. 

Azra pressed his hands over his ears and tried to sob, but nothing came out, the pain too great for him to even breathe, his whole body trembling. He wished he could just run away, pretend he was someone else, but he couldn't. He knew he couldn't. 

And there was nothing else he could do, he was out of options. Omegas' reproductive rights were a joke; he was too far along to be considered for an abortion, since omegas only carried for eight months, and even if he hadn't been, he'd still need a signature from his mate. And he wasn't sure that even if it wasn't impossible, he would consider it. Emily had been such a wonderful surprise, and he wasn't sure he could face losing out on the chance for another Emily. Just the thought made him sob harder, his hands sliding up into his hair and grabbing on tight until the world stopped spinning. 

Azra had no idea how long he simply sat there, crying to himself, but eventually the tears stopped, leaving him feeling numb and slightly sick as he stared at nothing. Then, his hands shaking, he put the key in the ignition and turned the car on, tears still running down his cheeks silently. 

* * *

When Azra got home, he dumped all the ice cream he'd bought in the freezer, then grabbed a tub of his favourite flavour and a spoon and went upstairs. It didn't take long to run a bath, and he was soon soaking in hot water, his eyes unfocused while he ate.

It wasn't fixing anything, he knew that, but the sugar on his tongue was at least distracting him, making him feel less empty. The only feeling he could find amongst the cold numbness was gratitude that Anthony was out, but even that was faint, clouded over by that awful nothingness. 

Azra swallowed another spoonful, then set the tub aside and stared at his stomach for a moment before reaching over and fishing the envelope out of his discarded jeans' pocket. Shaking ever so slightly, he opened it and took a moment to prepare before sliding the pictures out. His breath caught in his throat, his chest suddenly feeling tight and heavy. 

There it was, printed in ink. Azra was pregnant, and he could see it. He could see the baby's head, the body, and even as tears filled his eyes, love poured into his heart, fierce and protective. He was looking at  _ his  _ baby, and no amount of fear was going to change that. 

Azra looked at the rest of the pictures with tears running down his cheeks, then tucked them away and set them out of the way of any bathwater before sinking back into the tub. His hand ran over his stomach, feeling it lightly. 

There was another life growing in there, taking shape under his hand, and the thought made him a little dizzy, his heart warming in pride and love. 

Azra leaned his head against the side of the bathtub and closed his eyes, not bothering to wipe away his tears. He knew he had to keep the baby secret, there was no question of telling Anthony. It was too dangerous, he couldn't possibly leave himself open to the chance that Anthony wouldn't stay. 

If Azra had been thinking rationally rather than with a mind almost completely overcome with fear, he would have realised that there was no way he could hide the baby forever. After all, he would start showing soon, and would have to actually have the baby at some point, but none of this went through his mind, he was just too focused on the idea that Anthony would leave. 

Azra let out a soft sigh and traced a circle around his belly button with a fingertip, biting his lip lightly. "It's just you and me," he said softly after a moment, his voice betraying his sadness as he opened his hand and laid it flat against his skin, imagining that he could feel a quick heartbeat against his palm. "You have to be a secret, I'm afraid," he murmured, then slipped further into the water, allowing himself to focus on the feel of the warmth against his skin. 

After about half an hour, Azra reluctantly heaved himself out of the water and dried off, then headed to the bedroom quickly and tucked the envelope under his side of the mattress. Once that was done, he slipped his pajamas on and crawled into bed, hoping that if he slept enough, then maybe it would all go away.

* * *

"Azra?" 

Azra opened his eyes sleepily, grunting as he tried to brush the hand off his side. 

"Are you feeling alright, angel?" 

Anthony's voice was soft and gentle, his hand returning to stroke over Azra's shoulder. 

"Daddy?" 

"Hush, love. Your daddy isn't feeling too well still," Anthony murmured, and Azra shifted slightly, his heart sinking as he remembered his appointment. His hand ran over his stomach under the covers and he felt nauseous again, but this time, he knew why. 

"Okay. Can we have dinner soon?" 

"Yes, love. I'm about to come make it," Anthony replied, and Azra heard the quiet footsteps retreating before his mate sighed. 

"Azra, I know you're awake. Are you still feeling ill?" 

Azra sighed and rolled over slowly, running his hand down Anthony's leg without looking up at those soft golden eyes, in case he broke down. "Yeah. I'm not really hungry," he mumbled, and Anthony stroked his hair slowly, leaning down to kiss his cheek. 

"Alright, angel. Did the doctor say anything?" 

"She just said it was probably a tummy bug, but I should go back if it keeps going for more than a week," Azra answered sleepily, and Anthony nodded, rubbing his upper back slowly. 

"Okay. I'll get you some soda to get your fluids back up a bit. Do you want to come downstairs and play games with me and Em?" 

Azra let out a soft sigh, shaking his head slightly. "I'd rather sleep, I just don't feel good." 

"I understand, don't worry," Anthony soothed, and Azra risked a brief glance up at that loving smile, trying his best to ignore the fear that flowed through him. "I'll bring you that drink and then come and check on you after dinner." 

"Thank you," Azra sighed, and Anthony kissed his cheek once more before getting up. 

"It's no problem. I love you." 

"I love you too." 

* * *

_ Azra rolled over, blinking in the morning light. He could hear birdsong, and feel the warmth of the sun on his face, but the bed was eerily empty. He got up slowly, checking under the mattress and finding the envelope missing. His heart skipped and he stared at nothing for a moment, then ran across the room to the closet, throwing the door open. All of Anthony's clothes were gone. _

_ Azra cried out and bolted down the stairs, finding Anthony's art no longer hung on the walls, his bookshelves empty, his master's certificate missing from its special place on the wall above the table. A note was pinned to the front door, a small white square that stared at him accusingly as he walked closer, his shaking hand tearing the note from the tack. He looked at it, and found that it was simply a blank piece of paper, and grief filled him, heavy and sharp, tasting almost metallic on his tongue.  _

It was dark. Anthony was snoring softly, red hair messy on the pillow. Azra was shaking, the tears already streaming down his cheeks silently. He wanted to grab Anthony and pull him close and sob into his chest, but he knew the alpha would only ask questions he didn't want to answer, so he got up hurriedly, throwing on a hoodie and his slippers before walking downstairs. 

As soon as he sank onto the couch, he was sobbing softly, burying his face in his hands. He wanted so desperately to believe that that wouldn't happen, but the dream had made it all feel so dangerously real. He could imagine coming home or waking up to an empty house, and even when he tried to tell himself that it wouldn't happen, that Anthony wouldn't do that, his own voice kept getting drowned out by that awful fear. The terror that he would lose someone he'd come to rely on, whose love he could cherish and bask in and enjoy. He knew he didn't need Anthony, not to survive, but thriving, having a perfect, happy life - he couldn't do that without him. And, having gotten a taste of such a great, loving, contented relationship, he was terrified to go back to being on his own. 

After a while, Azra's tears eventually ran out and he just sat there, his own despair and fear eating him up inside while he slipped his hand under his shirt and pressed it against his stomach. 

He could imagine that the baby was pressing against his hand from the inside, the way he used to imagine when he'd been pregnant with Emily. It had been difficult, and awful in many ways, but his first pregnancy had also been special. His first time without Gabriel in years, and he'd relied so heavily on knowing there was someone always with him, already loving him and caring for him. And now he felt comforted again by that invisible presence, as if he had his own little confidant, a partner in crime. 

Azra closed his eyes and pressed a little harder, still being gentle, but letting his fingers sink into his ample flesh slightly. "I love you," he whispered, and smiled to himself in the dark, the hot tears rolling down his skin once more. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys!   
> I know this chapter is pretty angsty, but I hope you enjoyed it anyway! I'm going to put the next one up on Monday, so sorry about the cliffhanger lol   
> In other news, I've decided to hold off on the other account on that other site I'm not supposed to mention, and I've made a new AO3 instead! I have a couple of friends irl who know about this account which means I'm a bit worried about posting certain stuff, and so I've put a couple of new things up under raphaelssins instead. Just a warning, it is pretty kinky stuff (all consensual of course), but if you're interested, check it out! I will be removing this note at some point just in case whoops   
> Anyway, as usual, best wishes to all of you!   
> <3


	47. Chapter Forty Seven

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so I know I'm breaking my rules again lol but! I wanted to put up a little extra something fluffy in time for Easter and it wouldn't make sense without posting this first so here you go! I'll put separate warnings for the fluff bit.  
> This chapter contains: panic attacks.

Anthony had a feeling that Azra thought he didn't notice, but he knew something was up with his mate, in the same way that he knew the sky was blue. He could see it just by looking, and even when it was covered over with smiles that he could tell were fake, he knew that it was there, under the clouds. 

A lot of the time, when he casually took Azra's hand or snuggled up to him in the week or so following his doctor's appointment, Anthony could feel that unease through their bond. Azra was upset about something, but he was doing his best not to show it. 

He'd been having nightmares again - which he said were about Gabriel, but Anthony wasn't sure - as well as spacing out a lot more often and having very intense reactions whenever small things went wrong. After a good few days of worrying and trying to bring it up to Azra to no avail, Anthony decided to plan a nice, romantic evening in. 

He got all the ingredients to one of Azra's favourite dishes, bought his favourite dessert, and then set about cleaning. He tidied the bedroom, scrubbed the bathroom, and finally began to take the sheets off the bed to wash them. 

Anthony took the fitted sheet off last, almost jumping out of his skin when an envelope pinged away from the elasticated sheet and landed in the pile of linen already on the floor. Curious, Anthony wadded up the sheet, then picked up the envelope, turning it over in his hands. He felt a little guilty, knowing it was likely to be Azra's, but at the same time, he had a distinct feeling that it might give him some kind of clue about Azra's odd behaviour. Perhaps it was from Gabriel, although a blank envelope didn't seem his style. 

All in all, it didn't take long for Anthony to convince himself, and he opened the envelope slowly, sliding out the pictures and simply staring. Then he sat down on the edge of the bed carefully, absolutely stunned, his mouth hanging open slightly. 

He ran his thumb over the glossy picture, staring at that little face, the face of - presumably - _his_ child. 

For a moment, Anthony felt numb with shock, and then shock gave way to a tsunami of emotion, so many different feelings all mixed together. Worry for his omega and his emotional state; confusion at how this could have happened when they'd been so careful; and then finally a burning hot combination of joy and love. The tears pricked at the corners of his eyes, and he sniffed quickly, taking a deep breath. 

It explained everything. Azra's nightmares, his secretive, jumpy demeanour, the way he kept staring off into space or looking down at what Anthony had thought had been his lap, but now realised must have been his stomach. 

It also explained the irregular, weak heats and the nausea, Anthony thought to himself, letting out a soft sigh and spreading the pictures out on the bed. He couldn't imagine what was going through Azra's mind, but he knew it had to be totally irrational. If he was thinking straight, he would have come straight to Anthony and they would have celebrated the news together, surprise or not. But he was hiding, and Anthony knew he was scared. 

Anthony reached for his phone and unlocked it, his thumb hovering over a contact for a moment before pressing lightly. He needed advice, there was no way around that, even if he didn't want to impart news that wasn't his to tell. 

"Anthony? Everything alright?" Anathema answered on the second ring, and Anthony sighed, shaking his head slightly. 

"I need some advice. I can't tell you the full story because...because it's Azra's business, but I'm really worried about him," he said quietly, and Anathema hesitated for just a second or two. 

"Give me a vague summary." 

"Alright. He um.." Anthony looked down at the pictures again, suddenly feeling rather choked up. "He's been hiding something from me because...I think because he's scared. I just found evidence, and I'm...we need to talk about it, but he's been really worked up about it, and I don't want to scare him even more." 

Anathema hummed quietly, then sighed. "Okay. Plan a nice date at home, make him a dinner he'll love, maybe watch a movie and cuddle. Get him as relaxed as possible before bringing it up, and comfort him as you talk it through. Maybe if you can figure out what's making him scared, try to reassure that specific fear before you bring up the main thing. Does that make sense?" 

"Perfect sense," Anthony murmured, dragging his hand down the side of his face. "Trouble is, I have no idea what's going through his head. It doesn't make sense for him to be upset about this and I just...I don't understand." 

"He doesn't always make sense, you know this by now," Anathema pointed out gently. "Try to make a list of anything connected to that thing he's not telling you, whether it makes sense or not, and follow the thread. He's traumatised, fear is a very easy reaction for him." 

"I know, I'll give it a go," Anthony sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose lightly. "I'm sorry for calling, I just...I feel very panicked." 

"Oh, I'm glad you called, don't worry," Anathema soothed, her voice gentle and sincere. "Azra isn't always easy to figure out, and asking someone else is a good way to get your head around a problem. Whatever happens, though, you two will be okay, remember that. You've made it through so much." 

Anthony managed a small smile, his shoulders dropping slightly. "Yeah, you're right. We'll be fine," he mumbled, then took a deep breath. "I should probably go and get things sorted." 

"Yeah...you know, if you wanted, we could take Em tonight," Anathema said thoughtfully. "She likes seeing Cain, so she wouldn't mind." 

Anthony thought about this for a minute, then shook his head slightly. "No, I think having that feeling of normality will probably be good for him. But thank you so much for offering." 

"No problem. Text me and let me know he's okay later, will you? I worry about him." 

"Yeah, of course. And don't we all," Anthony chuckled humourlessly. "Thanks again, and I'll speak to you later." 

"Yep. Take care." 

"You too," Anthony answered, then hung up and slid the pictures away carefully. He tucked the envelope back under the mattress and got up, carrying the bedding downstairs. 

He felt like doing something with his hands; he needed to process his own emotions and kickstart his brain in understanding Azra's thought process. He bundled the sheets into the machine and tipped the detergent in, then kicked the door shut and pressed the buttons, his fingers trembling slightly. 

Sorting through his own emotions was surprisingly quite easy, Anthony reflected as he went around and began to tidy the downstairs area, dusting everywhere and humming to himself. His emotions were quite uncomplicated, once the initial shock wore off: he was simply excited to be having a baby, and worried about Azra. Worry and joy. 

It was an odd combination, but at least easier to understand than his mate. He couldn't imagine that Azra would think he would leave like Gabriel, after all their talk of having children and Anthony's jealousy when Anathema and Newt's adoption had gone through. 

Then Anthony froze, biting his lip lightly. Maybe there was something wrong with the baby. 

The thought sent cold dread seeping into his stomach, his hands shaking, and he tried to push it away, but it kept looming again and again, refusing to be ignored. 

Something could so easily go wrong, there were hundreds of things that could happen, and Azra had been under so much stress since they'd mated. Anthony groaned softly, pressing the heels of his hands against his eyes, his fingers trembling slightly. He couldn't go through losing another baby, he couldn't handle that pain again. It had been almost too much for him the first time. He didn't want to know what it would feel like if it happened again. 

Anthony had to resist the urge to grab his phone and confront Azra, just so he could calm his own fears, but he took a deep breath and forced himself to think rationally. 

Surely if something was wrong, Azra would have just gone to him for comfort and asked him for help. There was no real reason for him not to come to Anthony, or at least, not to be so absolutely terrified. It was a possibility that Azra was trying to protect Anthony from the pain of losing another baby, but this seemed unlikely, and didn't explain the fear that had been radiating off him for days. 

Anthony slowly sat down on the couch, setting his duster in his lap and just staring at nothing. He gave a quiet sigh, and his mind returned to Gabriel, to Azra's heartbreaking description of coming home to an empty house. The more he thought about it, the more he realised it was actually a possible reason - just because he knew that he would never leave over Azra's pregnancy, Azra didn't necessarily know that. 

After all, Anthony had told Azra many times when they were beginning their relationship that he'd never hurt him, and it had still taken time to build that trust. If Anthony saw all of this from a perspective in which Azra's pregnancy was just another step forward in their relationship, it all started to swim into focus. He sighed and got up stiffly, trying to force himself to think about something else, anything else. 

And then something struck him: Azra had said that week that his therapist had cancelled their appointment. At the time, Anthony had thought this odd, considering that she rarely cancelled last minute, but he hadn't thought much of it until that moment. 

The thought formed slowly, a little vague to begin with, but taking shape after some effort - Azra could have cancelled his appointment. They'd had little 'arguments' before about Azra trying to skip therapy appointments when he was struggling, and it lent some logic to Azra's irrationality. If he'd missed his therapy appointment, it made sense why he'd be so scared of something he knew wasn't true; namely, that Anthony might leave over him getting pregnant. Anthony groaned and felt like giving Azra a gentle slap upside the head, but reached for his phone instead, finding his contact and sending a quick text. 

_Anthony, 14:37_

_Missing you, angel. I thought we could have a romantic night in, sound good? xxx_

He slipped his phone back into his pocket and wandered upstairs to finish cleaning, sighing to himself quietly. 

* * *

By the time Azra got home that evening, Anthony and Emily had worked through all of her homework and some bonus math questions he'd found for her to do, and as soon as she heard the door open, she was running down the hall, squealing. 

Anthony chuckled nervously and followed more sedately, his hands in his pockets. Azra was crouching down in the hallway, Emily clutched to his chest tightly, his eyes squeezed shut as he trembled ever so slightly. That worry flared in Anthony's chest once more, along with a flash of sympathy. He wanted so badly to pull Azra into a kiss and tell him how much he supported him, how this didn't change anything, but he knew it would just scare him, so he forced himself to hang back. 

Azra slowly let go of Emily and his eyes widened in surprise when he saw Anthony standing there. 

"How are you feeling?" Anthony asked gently, before Azra could say anything. 

"Less sick," Azra answered softly, and Anthony walked forward, gently pulling him into a tender embrace. Azra nuzzled against him, melting into his arms, soaking up the comfort like a sponge. 

"Good," Anthony murmured, squeezing Azra gently and kissing the side of his head before letting go. "Did you get my text?" 

"Yeah, but my phone died so it was on charge until right before I left," Azra mumbled, his cheeks slightly coloured, his gaze not quite meeting Anthony's. "I'd like to have an evening in." 

"Cool," Anthony smiled, although he was even more worried about Azra than he had been. The omega seemed worse, more withdrawn and upset, and Anthony had no idea why that could be. So he just pulled him into a brief kiss and stroked his cheek before letting go. 

"Why don't you go and get changed?" Anthony suggested gently, and Azra nodded, slipping past him and heading for the stairs without a word. 

Emily looked up at Anthony, her brow furrowed. "Is Daddy okay?" She asked, and Anthony sighed, scooping her up and carrying her back into the living room. 

"I don't think so, love," he answered honestly, sitting down on the sofa and hugging her as she got comfortable in his lap. "But I'm going to talk to him about it tonight and figure out how to help. So there's no need to worry about him, okay? I've got this." 

Emily nodded, grabbing at his arm gently. "Can we watch a movie?" 

"Yeah, we'll watch one after dinner, love," Anthony murmured, squeezing her gently. "Are you gonna help me cuddle Daddy and make him feel better?" 

"Yep," Emily grinned, popping the 'p' enthusiastically. 

"Good. Now how about you do some reading or drawing for a bit while I go start dinner?" 

Emily nodded and slipped off his lap, grabbing a book off the table and a blanket and crawling into the armchair to curl up. Anthony smiled to himself and got up, stroking her hair lightly on the way to the kitchen. 

After about ten minutes, Anthony heard quiet footsteps and looked up as Azra walked into the kitchen, his eyes dull and his face betraying his exhaustion. Anthony's heart swelled in sympathy, and he held his hand out to his mate. 

"You look exhausted, angel," he murmured, and Azra nodded, moving past his hand into his chest. Anthony hugged him immediately, emotion suddenly choking him as Azra laid his cheek against his alpha's chest, clinging to him gently. 

"Oh angel," Anthony soothed, squeezing Azra tightly and rubbing his back in slow circles. "Do you need a nap, sweetheart?" 

Azra shook his head slightly and Anthony sighed, fingers sliding up into Azra's hair. 

"Alright, my love. You wanna know something?" He said softly, and Azra nodded, his hands gripping Anthony's shirt a little tighter. "Well, I love you, yeah?" Anthony began slowly, still holding Azra as close as possible. "I love you to the edge of the universe and back," he purred, stroking Azra's hair slowly. "I know it's cheesy, but it's true. And I'm not going anywhere, okay? I promise. I love you far, far too much to leave. I'm going to stay right here and I'm going to give you all the cuddles you could want and then some more." 

It didn't really surprise Anthony to hear Azra sniffling, but it did send a jab of pain into his chest. His mate was an absolute mess, and he was just glad he could rip the plaster off later and help him start to heal. 

Anthony very gently pushed Azra away from him just enough to cup that beautiful face in his hands, his thumbs wiping away Azra's tears as they fell. "You know you can tell me anything, right? I've been worried about you, sweetheart. Is there anything you're not telling me?" He pushed gently, and Azra's eyes widened in fear before he shook his head quickly and pressed himself back into Anthony's chest. 

Anthony sighed and squeezed him tighter, realising he was in for quite a bit more pain later that evening. "Alright, angel. How about you go sit with Em for a bit while I finish dinner? And then we can watch some TV or something and have an early night."

Azra nodded and pulled away, trying to walk off, but Anthony gently caught his wrist. 

"Would you like a kiss, angel?" 

Azra sniffed and looked up at his mate, his eyes full of some emotion Anthony could only describe as tortured. "Yes." 

"You don't have to say yes," he added quietly, and Azra nodded. 

"I know. I'd like one," he said softly, and Anthony nodded, cupping his jaw in one hand and very gently pulling him into a light, careful kiss. 

"I love you," he murmured as Azra broke away, and the omega managed a small smile. 

"I love you too." 

Anthony watched him leave, feeling as if his heart was being yanked from his chest, but tried to tell himself that by tomorrow, Azra would be okay. He would sort it out. 

* * *

Azra was quiet for the rest of the evening, but seemed a little happier after seeing Emily joke around at dinner and cuddling up to watch some TV. Once Emily was in bed, Anthony gently herded Azra into the bedroom and sat down on the edge of the bed with him. 

"Are you feeling a bit better?" Anthony asked tentatively, and Azra nodded, taking his hand and squeezing tightly. 

"I'm sorry, I just had a long day at work and a really bad night, and I just-" 

"What have we always said about apologising for things you can't control?" Anthony soothed, gently bumping his mate's shoulder with his own. Azra managed a shaky smile, nodding as he looked down at his lap. 

"I just feel like I'm bringing you down." 

"No, I'm just worried about you, that's all. Do you want to talk about anything? I can tell something's bothering you," Anthony tried softly, and Azra gave a small shrug, hesitating before answering. 

"I'm just really tired.." 

"That's not all of it, is it?" Anthony murmured, reaching up and stroking Azra's hair back from his forehead. "You know you can tell me anything, I'll be right here for you. Like I said before, I'm not going anywhere." 

Azra nodded slightly, flashing him another washed-out smile. "I know." 

Heaving a sigh, Anthony tried to squash the nauseous feeling in his stomach, his grip on Azra's hand tightening slightly. "Angel...I changed the sheets today," he began softly, stroking his thumb over Azra's knuckles. "I found the pictures." 

Azra went completely still for a second or two, not even breathing, and then he began to pull away, his chest heaving as he forced a nervous laugh. "Y-yeah! Those a-are someone else's, I just-" 

Anthony winced, trying to hold onto Azra's hand, but he pulled it away too quickly, panic completely overwhelming him. "Angel, they have your name on them," he sighed, and Azra stopped breathing again, his eyes wide and swimming with tears. "Azra, my love, it's okay, I-" 

But Azra had already jumped up, stumbling as he stood, and bolted into the bathroom before Anthony could stop him, the slam of the door and click of the lock echoing in Anthony's stress-filled mind. 

He sighed to himself and took a moment to collect his thoughts, then slowly went over and sat down in front of the door. He leaned against it, pressing his ear to it to hear the heavy, shaking sobs. 

"Azra," he called softly, trying to keep his voice calm and cheerful. "I'm going to just sit here and talk to you for a bit, okay? I love you very much," he added, then paused for a few seconds to listen for a response. When he didn't get one, he took a deep breath and began to speak. 

"Ever since I was a kid, I wanted that fairytale. I wanted to settle down with a partner and have that white picket fence with a baby boy and a baby girl," he said slowly, closing his eyes and just picking at a loose thread on his jeans. "When Ben died, I thought that I wasn't going to get another chance. But here I am, with you. Getting everything I could ever want in life. I have a perfect, handsome, kind, sweet, sexy, intelligent mate I love with every part of me. I have a lovely step-daughter I would do anything for. I have an amazing little family already. I love you both so, so much, and I can't imagine what I would do without either of you. I hope you can hear what I'm telling you, angel. I know you're scared and I have a feeling it's got something to do with Gabriel, so I want to reassure you. When I found those pictures," Anthony went on, gratified to hear Azra's sobs becoming softer while he spoke.

"Oh, angel," he sighed, starting to get a little choked up. "I was so, _so_ happy. I was worried about you, of course, because I knew you'd been acting strange, and I figured that the pictures were why, but...I just felt this overwhelming sense of love and happiness, and I wanted to cuddle you for ages and just kiss you and tell you how much I love you. I know this is a huge surprise and it's life-changing, but I want you to know that I'm ready, and I want this. I'm all in, angel, if you want to keep it. If you don't, I'll be here for that too, okay? I love you." 

Anthony waited for a moment, then heard the lock click and scrambled away from the door, standing up hurriedly as it swung open and Azra stepped out, blue eyes wide, his cheeks sticky, his face pale. 

"Promise me," he begged softly, and Anthony felt his own tears well up and spill over in seconds, that broken, desperate tone crushing his heart in a vice. "Please, Anthony. Please p-promise me you won't go!" 

Shaking, Anthony held out his pinky and Azra let out a sound halfway between a sob and a laugh, wrapping his pinky around Anthony's and then surging forward. Anthony caught him in a tight, protective embrace, squeezing him and burying his face in that soft blond hair. 

Azra sniffled for a moment, then began to sob again, his whole body wracked, but Anthony could feel a fierce joy suddenly ripping through him, a joy that mimicked his own, but certainly wasn't. He squeezed Azra tighter and gently began to lead him to the bed, pushing him away just long enough to help him in. 

As soon as Anthony laid down, he was pulling Azra into a cuddle, shushing his mate gently and stroking his hair over and over. "Shhh, angel. You're going to get a headache from all this crying," he soothed, and Azra nodded slightly, trying to take deep breaths, his sobs slowly starting to lessen. 

Once the soft cries had trailed off into sniffs, Anthony gently rolled Azra onto his back, grinning in relief as his mate laughed shakily, staring up at him with exhausted, but happy blue eyes. 

"I...I want to keep it...I mean, it's a bit too late anyway, but I...I feel ready, with you. Thank you," Azra breathed, and Anthony grinned, elation bursting like fireworks in his chest as he ran his knuckles over the omega's cheek. 

"Thank _you,_ you're the one carrying our baby," he pointed out, blinking away joyful tears, and Azra giggled, a sound Anthony hadn't heard for almost a week. His heart swelled, joy welling up, filling every cell in his body. 

"God, I love you," he purred, then leaned down and slowly pulled Azra's shirt up, gazing at his stomach. "Our baby is in there," he breathed, and Azra smiled tiredly, gently taking Anthony's hand and pressing it to his lower stomach. 

"Just there," he murmured, and Anthony's eyes widened, his love flowing through him again. 

"H-how long?" 

"I'm at seventeen weeks," Azra smiled, stroking Anthony's hand slowly. "When we mated, you used my last condom, and I don't remember checking the expiration, some of those had been in there for a while. I think it broke or something." 

Anthony blinked, nodding slightly as he looked down at Azra's stomach. "That makes sense. I'm sorry, angel, I should have checked." 

Azra smiled softly and reached up, stroking Anthony's cheek slowly. "It's okay. I'll be alright. I wish I...I hate panicking like that." 

"Oh, I know," Anthony sighed, rubbing Azra's stomach lightly. "But I understand, my love. And it's okay now. We're okay. And if you need reassurance, if you need me to tell you again, just ask, alright? I'm here for you." 

"Thank you," Azra hummed, then suddenly grinned, shifting slightly. "I felt a movement," he gasped, and Anthony's eyes widened. 

"Wait, can I-" 

"No, it's too little at the moment," Azra chuckled, reaching up and pulling Anthony down into a soft kiss. "You can't feel it from outside yet, but I can." 

Anthony grinned and slowly laid down beside his mate, keeping his hand firmly in place against his stomach. "I'm not moving my hand ever again. Superglue me," he laughed, and Azra kissed him softly, moving closer to him. He still looked exhausted, but much more content, his hand running over Anthony's again. "Good. Do you want a boy, then?" He asked quietly, and Anthony shrugged. 

"I just want a healthy baby, at the end of the day. But I wouldn't mind a boy, since we already have a girl," he smiled, running his hand along the curve of Azra's stomach over and over. "I can feel a bit of a bump, y'know."

"Yeah, they're starting to take up some space," Azra smiled, then reached under the mattress and pulled out the pictures. Anthony smiled brightly and took them, flicking through them. 

"I need to text Anathema," he mumbled after a moment, and Azra blinked, suddenly looking confused. 

"About what?" 

Anthony looked at his expression and gave a quiet sigh. "When I found the pictures, I called her to ask for advice. I didn't tell her what was going on, I just said that you were hiding something from me and I didn't know how to bring it up." 

"Oh," Azra said quietly, nodding slightly. "That makes sense. I um...can we tell her?" 

Anthony smiled and reached out, stroking his knuckles down Azra's cheek lightly. "Of course, if that's what you'd like." 

Azra nodded and grabbed his phone, putting it on speaker while it rang. Anthony leaned over and kissed Azra's forehead, his hand running back down to rub lightly at Azra's stomach just as Anathema picked up. 

"Azra? Is everything okay?" She asked worriedly, and Azra smiled to himself, letting out a happy sigh. 

"Yeah, um...Anthony and I have some news," he said gravely, glancing at Anthony with a playful grin. 

"Oh...are you both alright?" 

"Yeah, Azra's just playing games," Anthony chuckled, earning himself a gentle smack on the chest. 

"I'm pregnant," Azra burst out, giggling softly and cuddling closer to Anthony as shocked silence came from the other end of the line. 

"What? How? Are you...you sound happy.." 

"Yeah, it's another happy accident," Azra laughed, placing his hand over Anthony's again. "Don't worry, I was really upset and in this big irrational spiral, but we figured it out. And I'm excited, truly. I think...I think it's going to be good this time." 

"I'll make sure it is," Anthony murmured, and Azra smiled to himself, closing his eyes contentedly. 

Anathema let out a soft sigh, and when she next spoke, her voice was bright and happy. "I'm so glad for you both! It's a bit of a shock, and I'm sure it is for you guys, but if you're happy, then that's what matters, right?" 

"Yeah, once again, our timeline is a bit more scrunched up than we'd like, but we'll make it work," Azra hummed, and Anthony kissed his cheek lightly.

"I bet Em is going to be very excited," Anathema chuckled, and Anthony glanced at Azra. He hadn't thought about telling Emily yet, the hurdle of just getting Azra to admit he was pregnant had seemed big enough to prevent him from worrying about what came after. 

"Yeah, she likes Cain a lot," Azra said thoughtfully. "I think we'll tell her tomorrow. And we need to make a doctor's appointment for a proper ultrasound check-up, so I'll send you the new pictures when we get them." 

"Yes, please do. Look, I have to go, but maybe we can meet up sometime and I can see you guys and this baby bump," Anathema chuckled, and Azra laughed softly, looking down at himself. 

"It's not very big yet, you can barely see it under my soft bits." 

"I'm sure Anthony will tell you exactly how he feels about those soft bits," Anathema teased, and then sighed. "I'm exhausted, I'm going to say goodnight, but thank you both for ringing me." 

"Yeah, love you," Azra hummed, and Anathema replied before hanging up. 

"So, soft bits?" Azra giggled, and Anthony rolled his eyes, drawing his mate into a soft kiss. 

"I can't tell you how relieved I am to see you looking so happy, I've been so worried about you," he murmured, and Azra's eyes dulled for a moment, his smile faltering. 

"I know, and I'm sorry for worrying you. I should have gone to my therapy appointment, I just...I'm sorry." 

"I know," Anthony soothed, kissing him again lightly. "I love you." 

"I love you too," Azra purred, snuggling up to Anthony and squeezing him tightly. "I think I need to sleep."

"Alright, angel. Goodnight." 

"Mm, goodnight," Azra mumbled as Anthony turned the light off and cuddled him even closer, stroking up and down his back until he drifted off at last.

~~~~~

 **Easter Fluff Time!**

_This Easter special takes part about a week after this chapter (after the next) and contains : reference to past abuse, brief discussion of eating disorders, description of post-starvation body._

_I know it doesn't sound it from the warnings, but it is super fluffy!_

Azra woke feeling a bit groggy, his hand going to his stomach immediately as he shifted. 

"Angel, wake up," Anthony chuckled softly, gently shaking his mate's shoulder. "Come on, I've been trying to wake you for the last three minutes!" 

Groaning, Azra pressed his face into the pillow, trying to shake off Anthony's hand without much success. The alpha laughed again and sat down on the edge of the bed, petting Azra's hair slowly. 

"Happy Easter, my love," he murmured, and Azra opened his eyes hurriedly, suddenly tense. 

"Shit, I need to-" 

"I already put the basket in Em's room," Anthony soothed quickly, smiling as Azra finally sat up and stared at him. He was wearing a headband with a set of huge pink and white bunny ears, and it was taking a moment for Azra's fuzzy brain to process this. Then he grinned, slowly, and leaned forward, his hand cradling Anthony's cheek briefly before he kissed him softly. 

"You look adorable," Azra murmured as he pulled away reluctantly, and Anthony went a little pink, then shrugged. 

"It's my first Easter with a kid, I thought...it'd be nice to go all out," he answered shyly, then swallowed, suddenly uncertain. "I mean, not that she's mine, I just-" 

"Oh hush, she's your daughter too," Azra smiled, kissing Anthony again and shifting closer to him, the sheets falling from his bare chest as he moved and revealing his stomach. Azra giggled and looked down, rubbing over his skin happily, then glancing up at his mate. "Besides, you'll have another one soon, hmm? Another kid to celebrate with." 

Anthony grinned and nodded, pulling Azra into his arms and hugging him tenderly, kissing the side of his head lovingly. "I can't wait. You're amazing, you know. My stunning, strong, sweet mate," he purred, then slowly began to pull away, his reluctance obvious not only in his movements, but in the flash of emotion passing through their bond. "I wanna show you something, I've been working really hard while you were asleep and at work yesterday," he said quietly, his cheeks flushed with nervousness, and Azra nodded, untangling himself from the sheets and swinging his legs over the edge of the bed.

"Okay, darling. Can you grab me a shirt please, love?" 

Anthony got up quickly, humming to himself as he walked over to the closet. "T-shirt?" 

"Please," Azra mumbled, stifling a yawn as he ran a hand through his hair. "I'm feeling very lazy." 

"I can tell," Anthony teased softly, taking a shirt off its hanger and walking back to his mate, handing it to him. "But you're allowed. I want you to have a good time today, it's...it's been almost non-stop with Gabriel and finding out about the baby, and...I just want you to get a nice break with Em," he finished quietly, and Azra tugged the shirt on, standing up to hug his mate tightly. 

"And you," he purred softly, pressing a loving kiss to Anthony's cheek. "Don't forget you. I love you, so much. Thank you for thinking of me like this, it really takes the pressure off." 

"I'm always thinking of you," Anthony mumbled, pressing his face into Azra's hair. The omega laughed softly and gently pulled away, taking one of Anthony's hands instead and squeezing it tightly. 

"What did you want to show me, darling?" 

"It's downstairs," Anthony answered quietly, his cheeks still a bit flushed, his nerves filtering through their bond as they walked hand in hand, Azra's fingers lacing with his. 

The omega didn't say anything until they walked into the kitchen, his eyes widening immediately, his mouth dropping open. A beautiful cake stood on the side, a little messy, but coated in swirled pastel pink, blue, and yellow buttercream with a chocolate ganache on top, dripping down the sides. A little modeling chocolate bunny sat on top, along with a bunch of chocolate eggs. 

"You...you made that?" Azra gasped, glancing at Anthony, who nodded slightly. 

"I um...yeah, it took me all day, but yeah," he smiled, his cheeks bright red now, his lip caught between his teeth. "Is it okay? I know you're the baking master, I just-" 

"Anthony, it's perfect!" Azra interrupted hurriedly, letting go of his hand to walk forward and get a closer look. It had to be at least three or four layers, and just the thought that Anthony spent so much time on something just for him and Emily was making him rather emotional.

"Look at the bunny! It's so cute!" 

"I used a mould for that," Anthony admitted quietly, and Azra shot him a look. 

"Shush, you. It doesn't matter, it's still super impressive!" He smiled, stepping back slightly and looking around the rest of the kitchen. Streamers in the same pastels as the cake had been strung up around the room, along with little fluffy chicks placed on top of the fridge and cabinets. 

"I set the table, too, and there's an egg hunt for Emily, I put them all around the house and garden this morning." 

"You, my love," Azra grinned, walking up to him slowly and resting his arms on the alpha's shoulders. "Are a fucking _treasure."_

Anthony blushed even darker and leaned down, pulling Azra into a brief kiss. "I'm just glad you like it. You deserve being happy, and being taken care of. Especially now, hmm? Doing so much work to bring our baby into the world," he added softly, his hand running down, over Azra's stomach. 

The omega giggled, kissing Anthony's jaw softly. "It's not like it's a conscious effort," he laughed, and Anthony shrugged. 

"I know, but it's still hard on your body." 

"Not with you here to take care of me," Azra purred, his arms tightening around Anthony, pulling him closer until their lips were very nearly touching, their breath warm in the air between them. "Are you gonna take care of me, Anthony?" 

To Azra's surprise, he didn't laugh or even really smile, his face dead serious, his eyes soft. "Of course. I won't let anything happen to you," he said slowly, and Azra's smile faded as he pulled back slightly, his hands on Anthony's cheeks, blue eyes fixed on gold. 

"Nothing is going to happen to me, Anthony," he soothed, his thumbs stroking over the alpha's cheeks. "Or the baby. I'm perfectly healthy, and I carried Em with absolutely no problems despite being really sick for most of that time. Look, come with me," he said quickly, taking Anthony's hand and pulling him towards the stairs. "I want to show you something, okay?" 

Anthony followed obediently, looking a little confused as Azra led him all the way upstairs and into the bedroom, sitting him down on the edge of the bed. 

"I know you're scared, I understand. And I know it's not really going to go away until the baby is born and in your arms, but I don't want you to spend the entirety of my pregnancy worrying. I want it to be happy and joyous and full of love, because I didn't get that the first time around," Azra murmured, kissing Anthony's forehead and gently taking the headband with the ears off his head. "I'm going to show you something upsetting, okay? But I promise it's for a good reason." 

Anthony nodded, still looking confused and worried as Azra turned away, then crouched down and reached under the bed. He grabbed a box and pulled it out quickly, not looking at Anthony. The alpha had asked about the box before, as it was padlocked, but Azra had said it contained his passport and some of Emily's records, and Anthony hadn't questioned the lie. 

Well, not a lie, exactly, but certainly not the full truth. 

Azra put the combination in and pulled the lock off the box, then opened it and took out a small leather photo album. "I keep it in here because I don't want Em to see it, and...I don't know. I don't really know why I keep it," he sighed, getting up and moving to sit beside Anthony, who just watched curiously, apprehensive. 

Azra took a deep breath and opened the album, swallowing when he saw the first picture. It was of him with his mum, Gabriel beside him. Anthony took a sharp breath in and Azra sighed, flipping a few pages. 

"This is when things were...fine with Gabriel," he mumbled, wincing at the pictures of him both pre-transition and smiling with his abuser. "Here," he said quietly, tilting the album towards Anthony so he could see a picture of him with Anathema. "This was the first week after Gabriel left," he sighed, pointing to his stomach. "I was two months pregnant. I managed to keep her for two months even while I was with Gabriel." 

Anthony swallowed hard, his breathing ragged. "I...I've seen the videos, but...you're so... _thin,"_ he gasped, and Azra nodded, feeling rather detached and numb as he looked down at the picture again. The shirt he was wearing was practically skin-tight and showed everything, including the tiny bump of his pregnancy. 

"Yeah, I had to borrow a lot of clothes, I didn't have any money," he mumbled, taking a deep breath before turning the page. "I liked taking pregnancy photos, I was really proud of having her, y'know? She was my survival badge, my reason to keep going." 

The picture showed Azra shirtless and turned to the side, a note in the corner stating that he was at three months. He was still almost skeleton-thin, his sweats hanging off his bony hips, the swell of his stomach looking odd and out of place. 

"It took me a really long time to get my weight up again," Azra muttered, swallowing down the horror of remembrance. "I had real trouble keeping food down, and learning to allow myself to eat again was really hard. Even with Anathema to help me, and Emily to worry about." 

He turned the page again, hearing a sniff and looking up just in time to see the tears running down Anthony's cheeks. He smiled weakly and wiped them away quickly, his arm sliding around Azra's waist protectively. 

"I'm okay, I just...I don't like thinking of you like this," he mumbled, and Azra nodded, looking down again and taking a deep breath. 

"Four months," he said quietly, staring at the picture for a moment. He'd cut his hair short at last, and just started to put on weight, filling out around his hips and ribs. 

"Jesus," Anthony muttered, leaning into Azra's side and wiping his cheeks again. "You can really see her, huh?" 

"Yeah, without anything to hide it," Azra chuckled quietly, flipping to the next picture and swallowing. It was a picture of him in a hospital bed, smiling at the camera and giving the person behind it - most likely Anathema - a thumbs-up, despite the fact that he was in a gown and had an oxygen tube under his nose. 

"I got pneumonia and had to go to hospital," he sighed, leaning his head on Anthony's shoulder. "That was when I was about five months in, they were really worried about her, but I never had any issues." 

The next page was another progress picture, marked as six months. The Azra in the picture was starting to look almost a normal weight, still rather skinny, but no longer dangerously so.

"I don't have a picture of this, but at six months, I had a tiny little scare with some spotting, but it was because I was um.." he blushed, biting his lip lightly. "I had a lot of hormones to deal with, and I tried using a dildo for the first time since Gabriel, and it gave me a little tear. Completely unrelated to the pregnancy," he said softly, skipping to the next photo. "I started to look more like me here," he smiled, looking down at the slightly padded figure, the thighs and hips filling out even more. "I put on a lot during my last couple months, and I never really lost it after I gave birth. I think Em really gave me that boost to start getting a better body image, I started really thinking of my body as something special, to have allowed me to bring my baby girl into the world. You know?" 

The last picture was Azra smiling at the camera, looking absolutely exhausted, once again in a hospital bed, but this time with Emily curled up in his arms. 

"She was a bit early, I didn't get a chance to take the last photo," Azra chuckled, and Anthony smiled, turning his head to kiss Azra's cheek. 

"This is the only one I like," he laughed softly, and Azra nodded. 

"Me too. But look, I just...I know what happened with Ben will never be far from your mind. I know this is going to be tough for you, but I want you to remember these pictures, okay? Emily and I made it through Gabriel's abuse, I think I can manage to carry our baby without any trouble. Unless there's such a thing as too many bubble baths or tummy kisses, hmm?" He smiled, and Anthony nodded, taking a deep breath. 

"I know. And I don't want to get overprotective, if I do, you can tell me, okay? I promise. I know you need to feel like you're independent and have control over yourself, and I don't want to affect that. I trust you, I'm just...scared." 

Azra nodded, reaching up to pull him into a soft, slow kiss. "I know. And I like you being protective, in normal amounts," he hummed, leaning into Anthony's side and closing his eyes as his head fell onto his mate's shoulder. "I'm excited to share my pregnancy with someone this time. And all three-...well, four of us are going to be fine. I know we are." 

A knock on the door made them both jump and Azra scrambled to shove the album back into the box, locking it and kicking it back under the bed before Anthony could walk over and open the door. As soon as it was open, Emily was bouncing in, grinning from ear to ear. 

"The Easter Bunny came!" She squealed, and Anthony grinned, ruffling her hair as she bounded over to the bed and threw herself at Azra. "Daddy, come look!" 

Anthony walked over more sedately, picking up the headband from the bed and putting it back on, causing Emily to giggle. 

"You're not the Easter Bunny, Dad!" 

"How do you know that?" Anthony retorted as Emily climbed up into Azra's lap, leaning back against his chest as he hugged her tightly. 

"Because you don't have a tail! Or a bunny nose," Emily giggled, shaking her head. "And because you're my dad. You can't be my dad _and_ the Easter Bunny!" 

"Well they _are_ both full-time jobs," Anthony chuckled, shooting Azra a smile and offering Emily his hand. "Let's all go look at what the Easter Bunny left, shall we?" 

Azra spent the rest of the day relaxing and having fun, enjoying how happy Emily seemed. Anthony had baked some egg-shaped cookies for them to decorate, and the egg hunt kept Emily happily busy for a good few hours. After that, Azra spent a lot of the afternoon either helping Anthony with the roast dinner or keeping Emily busy with lots of Easter-themed colouring, loving the time with both his daughter and his mate. The dinner was delicious, as was the cake for dessert, and by the time Azra was finally putting Emily to bed, he was absolutely exhausted, in the best way possible. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys!  
> I hope you enjoyed this chapter and the little bit of Easter fluff (even though it got away from me a bit lol), I know I scared you all a bit with the last one! They're going to have a baby and they're finally happy about it!  
> ♡♡♡  
> Happy Easter to everyone who celebrates, and I hope you all are well!


	48. Chapter Forty Eight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter contains: sexual content.

The next day was a Saturday, so Azra got up before Anthony, yawning as he padded into the bathroom and started the shower running. He rubbed the side of his face sleepily, then let out a soft, contented sigh as he felt the baby stir. 

"Good morning to you too," he hummed, stroking his hand over his skin and feeling the slight extra curve. Then he tested the shower water before slipping under the spray, shutting the door behind him and tipping his head back to let the water pour through his hair. 

Safe in the knowledge that the sound of the water would disguise his voice, Azra began to sing to himself happily, his eyes closed, his body rocking slightly. 

He didn't hear the bathroom door open or the footsteps, but he did hear the shower door click and cracked one eye open to see a flash of red. 

Strong, tattooed arms wrapped around him, and he felt a soft kiss against his neck, hands stroking his chest and sides. 

"Guess who." 

"Well, in an ideal world, you would be uh...what's that famous actor I like?" Azra teased, and Anthony laughed, nuzzling his jaw lightly, one hand running down to hold the bottom of Azra's modest stomach. 

"Yeah? How are you feeling, angel?" 

"Good," Azra murmured, letting his head tip back against the front of Anthony's shoulder as he felt the baby stir again. "The baby is quite active," he hummed, and Anthony sighed in frustration. 

"It's not fair, I want to feel it," he pouted, and Azra giggled, basking in the feeling of being held so lovingly while warm water poured over his skin. 

"You'll get to feel it soon," he soothed, then yawned again, closing his eyes once more. "Mm. I'm exhausted. I think I'm still a bit worn out from yesterday." 

"It was a stressful day," Anthony agreed quietly, his thumb running over Azra's skin. "How about we spend today in? I know we said about going to the zoo, but I think we should have a chat with Em." 

Azra nodded, gently pulling away from Anthony's grip to start washing his hair. But the alpha carefully caught his hips, guiding him back and taking the shampoo bottle from his hands. Azra smiled to himself and let Anthony start to rub the shampoo into his hair, enjoying the slow massage. 

"Mm, sounds good. I think she's going to be happy about it." 

"Yeah, she's definitely asked me before, like when you and I were going to have a baby," Anthony chuckled, and Azra frowned slightly. 

"Really? You never told me," he mumbled, and Anthony hummed quietly. 

"Yeah. You can rinse now, sweetheart. It was a long time ago, and I was worried about it embarrassing you at the time." 

Azra tipped his head back to rinse his hair, closing his eyes as Anthony began to rub the small of his back lightly. 

"Also, I just want to spend all day in bed cuddling you," Anthony admitted softly, and Azra chuckled, smiling as he rubbed his curly hair, then reached for the conditioner. Anthony took it from him and began to work it through his soft curls, humming quietly. 

"I love having these mundane moments with you," Azra said quietly after a few seconds of silence, and Anthony hummed his agreement. 

"Mhm. Me too, they're just...nice. And easy," he answered, his hands finding Azra's hips and rubbing gently, fingertips pressing into his soft flesh. 

Azra leaned back into him happily, feeling those arms close around him, lips finding his neck once more. "Anthony.." 

"Mhm?" 

"I love you," Azra mumbled, and Anthony chuckled, gently pushing him away. 

"I love you too, angel. Go rinse your hair so we can go cuddle, I wanna lay down." 

"Yes sir," Azra teased, but did as he was told, rinsing his hair before washing off the rest of his body with his favourite soap, paying extra attention to his stomach and stroking over it lovingly. Once he was all clean, he followed Anthony out of the shower and was ambushed by a warm, fluffy towel, giggling as he was wrapped up quickly. 

"I put it on the radiator for you," Anthony purred, and Azra closed his eyes, leaning into his mate's chest and just enjoying that lovely warmth and the safe, secure feeling that accompanied it. 

"Thank you," he mumbled and Anthony hugged him tightly, rocking him a little before gently pulling away. 

"You're welcome, my love," he said simply, picking up his own towel and kissing Azra's cheek before walking into the bedroom. Azra gave a soft little sigh and dried himself off before following, dropping his towel to the floor and slipping his pajamas back on, then finally diving into bed. 

He curled up immediately, stifling a yawn as he pressed his face against the pillow, just as Anthony crawled in beside him, growling jokingly and trying to tickle his sides. Azra shrieked and giggled, trying to throw him off, but Anthony pinned him down gently. They went still and simply stared at each other for a minute, then Azra began to laugh, his whole body relaxed under his mate's. 

Anthony grinned and flopped to the bed beside him, wrapping an arm around his waist and pressing himself close into Azra's side. Azra breathed out a soft sigh, turning his head towards Anthony while his hand stroked over his own stomach, another movement from the baby making him smile contentedly. Anthony's hand slid into place beside his, and Azra's smile widened slightly as Anthony snuggled closer, resting his head on Azra's chest. 

"I love you, in there," Anthony smiled, pressing down lightly on Azra's stomach, his fingers spread. "I hope you hear me, I want you to know that your dad loves you." 

Azra laughed softly, but turned his head, pressing his cheek against Anthony's hair. "They don't know what that means yet, darling. But talking to them is good, they'll know the sounds of our voices," he murmured, and Anthony nodded. 

A particularly big movement from the baby made Azra gasp softly, but Anthony froze, eyes wide. 

"I felt it! Just a tiny bit," he grinned, and Azra laughed, rolling onto his side to kiss his mate softly. 

"Our baby," he whispered, unable to keep the smile off his face as Anthony kissed him again and again, gently rolling him onto his back, leaning over him as he pulled him in deeper. It could have seemed sexual to the casual observer, but Azra could feel the love pouring off Anthony, he could tell that every motion came from the alpha's simple need to have Azra close, to show him all the affection burning in his chest. So Azra guided him deeper, tangled his fingers in that glossy hair, and jumped when the bedroom door opened. Anthony laughed, rolling off Azra quickly as the omega sat up, tugging his shirt down over his belly. 

"Em! You have to knock," he reprimanded as the sleepy girl walked over to the bed and slowly climbed up. She immediately crawled over to Azra and wrapped her arms around his neck, causing him to sigh softly and hug her, all his annoyance forgotten. 

"You okay, baby?" 

"Mm, just tired," Emily murmured, and Anthony ran a hand down her back lightly. 

"Why not stay in bed then, love?" He chuckled, and Emily shifted, curling up a little tighter. 

"Wanted cuddles." 

"Come lay down properly then, love," Azra smiled, gently pushing her off his lap so she was between him and Anthony. She crawled under the covers quickly and cuddled up to Azra as soon as he laid down. Anthony shifted closer to both of them and Azra flashed him a small, meaningful smile before stroking Emily's messy hair back from her face. 

"Dad and I have something to tell you," he announced softly, and she opened her eyes, blinking at him sleepily. 

"Is it good or bad news?" 

"Good news," Azra answered firmly, shifting position slightly and feeling the baby move again. He made a mental note to start keeping a little diary of the movements, then focused back on the present. "Are you ready to hear it?" 

Eyes wide and full of childish curiosity, Emily nodded. 

"Well, Dad and I made a bit of a mistake," Azra said slowly, glancing at Anthony, who just smiled. "We didn't plan it, but um...you're going to have a baby brother or sister." 

Emily stared at him for a second, then grinned, grabbing at Azra's hand. "I want a brother!" 

Anthony chuckled and stroked her hair gently, then her back. "It doesn't really work that way, love," he said quietly. "We don't get to choose." 

"But you know how Auntie Ana and Newt had their baby?" Azra went on, and Emily nodded again. "Well, we uh...we're not adopting," he said slowly, not quite sure how to phrase what he wanted to say. "I'm carrying the baby."

Emily blinked, then pulled back the covers and grabbed at Azra's shirt, tugging it out of the way and pressing her ear against his stomach. 

He laughed and gently pulled her back up and into a hug, shaking his head slightly. "You can't hear anything, love! But we have pictures," he smiled, and Anthony handed them over, watching as Emily looked at them, a wide smile on her face. 

"That's my baby brother or sister," she murmured, and Azra nodded, kissing her cheek softly. 

"Yep. Are you excited?" 

"Very," she nodded, running her fingertip over the picture, tracing the outline of the baby's face. "When do I get to meet them?" 

"I'm just over four months pregnant," Azra answered softly, pulling his daughter a little closer. "I'll get a proper due date soon, when I have my checkup next week." 

"Four more months is too long to wait," Emily whined, and Azra chuckled, kissing the side of her head. 

"I know, baby. But we can all be patient," he smiled, and she cuddled closer to him, closing her eyes contentedly. 

* * *

Anthony looked nervous, but Azra was calm, his head resting on his mate's shoulder. They were waiting for Azra's ultrasound, and Anthony couldn't stop his knee from bouncing. 

"What if-" 

"Shush," Azra chuckled softly, closing his eyes and finding Anthony's hand, lacing their fingers and squeezing tightly. "The baby is perfectly healthy, I only just had a scan." 

"I'm just-" 

"I know, but thinking about it will just drive you nuts," Azra soothed, his other hand stroking over Anthony's, then up the inside of his forearm. "Think about how exciting this all is. We get to find out the gender and everything." 

Anthony sighed, but didn't say anything else until they were called into the room. Azra climbed up onto the table and pulled his jeans down slightly, his shirt up. The technician smiled at him, and Anthony grabbed at his hand, holding tightly. 

"I'm Helen, you're Azra and Anthony, is that right?" She smiled, and Azra nodded, stroking his hand over his stomach as he felt a slight kick. "Well, it's nice to meet you both. This isn't your first, is that correct?" 

"Yeah," Azra answered softly, smiling as he relaxed back and watched the technician smooth the gel over his stomach. "I have a seven year old from a previous relationship." 

"Ahh, I bet that one's trouble," Helen chuckled, moving the machine a little closer to the padded table and turning the screen so they could all see. "Alright, if we can see, are we looking at the gender today?" 

"Yes please," Azra and Anthony said together, then laughed. Helen grinned and picked up the wand, gently starting to press down on Azra's stomach. 

"That's what we like to hear, on the same page and everything," she chuckled, turning her attention to the screen as she moved the wand slowly. "Where are we hiding?"

Azra turned his head to smile up at Anthony, who was staring at the screen nervously, his chest rising and falling quickly. As soon as Azra squeezed his hand, he seemed to snap out of it, flashing his mate a strained smile. 

"It's okay," Azra said quietly, and Helen clicked her tongue. 

"There we are," she announced, and both men quickly turned to look at the screen. "There's baby's head, and body," she murmured, then tapped a button on the machine, the baby's heartbeat playing from the speakers. Azra's eyes widened, his nose stinging, and Anthony sniffed, squeezing his hand tighter. 

"Sounding good," Helen smiled, turning it off and moving the wand again, checking the baby over carefully. "I'm assuming I'm printing pictures today?" 

"That would be great," Azra murmured, wiping his cheeks quickly and taking a deep breath. Helen simply smiled at him and began to move the wand to the side, watching the screen. "Oh, baby's in position," she chuckled, pressing a little harder against the side of Azra's slight bump. "Are we ready to know?" 

"Absolutely," Azra breathed, and Helen nodded, glancing down at him. 

"You're having a lovely, healthy baby girl," she announced, and Azra had to wipe his cheeks again, laughing softly. 

"Oh God, I said I wasn't going to cry!" 

Anthony chuckled and squeezed his hand tighter, stroking his hair gently. "Me too," he murmured, and Azra shook his head slightly. 

"What a pair, huh? Thank you so much," he added as Helen began to wipe the gel off his stomach. 

"No problem, guys. Now you can start thinking about names and the nursery...very exciting." 

On the way home, Azra stared out of the window, one hand resting against his stomach, cradling his baby girl. 

"You okay? You seem quiet," Anthony commented after a moment, and Azra sighed. 

"Just thinking. I um...we don't have a spare room for a nursery," he pointed out softly, and Anthony chuckled quietly, reaching over to rub his shoulder. 

"This sounds like pregnancy hormones doing the talking, angel. The baby can sleep in our room until she's old enough to share with Em. And hopefully by then I'll have a proper job somewhere and maybe we can afford a bigger house. We'll manage, alright? I promise." 

Azra nodded, taking a deep breath and closing his eyes. "I think you're right about the hormones. I feel very...all over the place today." 

"Well, it's a big revelation, too," Anthony pointed out, turning into their driveway and parking the car. "Learning the gender and all. Lots of emotion. Let's get inside and have a cuddle, yeah? You've got the rest of the afternoon off, right?" 

"Yeah, I knew I'd want to cuddle," Azra chuckled, undoing his seatbelt and getting out of the car. 

Anthony hurried to catch up with him, wrapping an arm around him and kissing the side of his head before unlocking the door to let him in. Azra rolled his eyes fondly and slipped inside, kicking his shoes off and stretching up before heading for the stairs. He climbed up slowly, yawning before crawling into bed sleepily, slipping his shirt off with some difficulty and tossing it over the edge of the bed. He heard a soft chuckle from the doorway and smiled to himself, running his hand over his stomach slowly. 

"You look absolutely adorable right now," Anthony announced, and Azra watched with one eye open as his mate undressed, stripping to his boxers and showing off all those beautiful tattoos and the scars on his back. 

"Mm, help me with my jeans?" Azra asked innocently, and Anthony hummed, walking over and gently helping Azra pull them off. 

"Starting to get a little tight, hmm?" He chuckled, and Azra nodded, gently grabbing his plait and pulling him down into a kiss. Anthony seemed surprised, but climbed onto the bed, leaning over his mate as the kiss became a little deeper. 

Azra could feel a stirring in him, a slight, insistent little need. He'd known that mated omegas often got quite...needy during pregnancy, but he'd never experienced it before, and it surprised him how intense it was. It was like a watered down version of his heat, driving him to pull Anthony closer, to bond with him even more. 

Azra instinctively spread his legs and Anthony pulled back immediately, shocked. 

"Won't...won't it hurt the baby?" 

Azra gave a soft chuckle and shook his head, reaching up to stroke Anthony's cheek slowly. "No, darling. As long as you're gentle around my stomach, everything will be fine," he soothed, his touch tender against Anthony's beautifully soft skin. "I'm getting a sensation a little bit like heat, can you smell it?" 

Anthony took a deep breath, then nodded, running his hand down the center of his mate's chest. "Why is that? I mean, it's not like you can get more pregnant." 

Azra giggled softly and shook his head. "No, darling. It's for mated pairs only, it just brings us a little closer together while I'm carrying. That's all." 

Smiling, Anthony nodded and leaned down, giving Azra a soft, brief kiss. "How do you want me, sweetheart?" 

Azra bit his lip lightly, then blushed. "Could we maybe spoon? I just um...I want it to be romantic." 

Anthony purred and leaned down, kissing his cheek lightly before rolling off him. "Of course, angel. Get yourself comfy," he murmured, and Azra settled on his side, closing his eyes and letting out a soft little sigh. Anthony's hand ran over his side, and then he felt the alpha's skin against his, his mate's body curling to match the curve of his own. He lifted his leg and Anthony hummed, helping him slip his underwear off before gently guiding the leg behind the alpha's hips. Azra purred, feeling the air on his sensitive skin and biting his lip lightly. 

"Do you know how beautiful you are?" Anthony purred, his hand running up Azra's ample thigh slowly, daring. Azra's breath caught in his throat, his eyes slipping closed as that need flared. 

"T-tell me!" 

"You are the most stunning man I've ever seen in my life," Anthony answered softly, his fingertips finding Azra's folds and dipping between them, testing. "You have beautiful eyes and your hair is perfect, I just want to touch it all day. And your body is so soft and cuddly and sexy." 

Azra let his eyes slip closed, feeling Anthony's fingers pressing just a little deeper, teasing his entrance gently. "Ahh.." he sighed, unable to stop himself as he rocked back against the touch. 

"Mm, you really are needy, aren't you?" Anthony chuckled. "You're so wet for me, angel. I could just-" he plunged his fingers deep into Azra and the omega let out a soft, happy little cry, hips bucking. "-slide right in." 

Azra purred, reaching behind him to grab at Anthony's hair gently. The alpha hummed and began to thrust his fingers, curling them the way Azra loved, reaching deep, deeper than Azra could ever reach with his own fingers. 

"A-Anthony, I need-" Azra tried, but was cut off with a soft moan when he felt something against the back of his thigh. Anthony chuckled and slipped his fingers from his mate, stroking himself a few times before his tip brushed over Azra's cock teasingly. 

Azra moaned out loudly, causing Anthony to chuckle as he rubbed his tip against Azra's entrance, pressing against it enough to open him up without going inside. Azra whimpered, trying to grind back against him, knowing that he needed that thick length inside him, he needed his mate. 

"Shh, angel. I'm getting there," Anthony hummed, running his hand over Azra's backside slowly, giving it a playful squeeze before sliding just a little deeper. Azra let his eyes slip closed, moaning out softly and relaxing into the slow sensations. "Good boy," Anthony praised, squeezing again before running his hand a little lower and pressing his thumb against Azra's back door lightly. "Is this okay?" 

Azra moaned softly, nodding and then gasping before speaking. "Not inside," he murmured, and Anthony kissed the back of his jaw. 

"Okay, angel," he hummed, rubbing a slow circle with his thumb before pushing a little deeper with his cock, causing Azra to whine again, his mouth open slightly. 

"Anthony, please," he begged softly, and Anthony purred, finding Azra's cock with his fingers before slowly, carefully sliding the rest of the way into his mate. Azra moaned happily, Anthony's arm sliding around his waist, his body pressed closer to Azra's, holding him. 

"Mm, guess what, angel," he murmured, and Azra groaned, closing his eyes as Anthony pulled a blanket over them carefully. 

"What?" 

"I love you." 

Azra giggled softly, closing his eyes as Anthony nuzzled the back of his jaw gently. "Mm, I love you too, darling," he purred, tensing slightly when he felt Anthony shifting inside him. "I love feeling extra close to you like this." 

"Me too, angel," Anthony smiled, stroking his belly before gently grabbing his hip, squeezing lightly before starting to pull back. Azra moaned out happily as Anthony's hips rolled, his cock pressing deeper, opening him up completely as he rocked back against his slow, shallow thrusts. 

"Anthony.." Azra sighed, his voice a little higher than usual, his hand finding his mate's plait and holding on tightly. Anthony chuckled, snapping his hips suddenly and making Azra cry out, the rush of sensation ripping through him.

"A-alpha!"

"That's right," Anthony growled softly, and Azra whimpered, tugging on the plait. "All mine, my omega." 

"All yours," Azra whined, his mouth falling open, his eyes slipping closed, his back arching. Anthony began to thrust faster, the strokes longer and deeper, causing Azra's toes to curl as he whimpered. He ran his hand down his body, starting to rub at his own cock, his moans raising in volume and desperation, his hips bucking back just as Anthony slowed again, peppering kisses over Azra's shoulders. 

"Shh, good boy. Good omega," he murmured, and Azra melted, his whole body trembling slightly as he shifted his position, trying to use his leg to pull Anthony closer. 

"Don't worry, angel, we'll build back up," Anthony soothed quickly, starting to roll his hips again, just small, gentle movements. "I want to make it last as long as possible." 

"Mm, I both hate and love that," Azra groaned, shifting slightly and rocking himself into Anthony's shallow thrusts needily. "Can we move? I...I want to kiss you." 

"Of course, angel," Anthony murmured, slipping from him and gently guiding him to turn over. Azra giggled shyly and hooked his leg over Anthony's hip, lining himself up and pushing towards Anthony, who helped quickly, sliding back into Azra and filling him again, sating that needy itch. Azra moaned softly and Anthony kissed him immediately, pulling him nice and deep while holding his hip, rocking slowly. 

Whimpering happily, Azra leaned into the kiss, drawing it a little deeper as Anthony began to move faster, longer strokes making Azra moan out shakily. 

Then Anthony rolled over, gently pushing Azra onto his back, his hands finding the omega's, fingers lacing together. He buried his face in Azra's neck and began to thrust harder, pulling out almost all the way before slamming back in. Azra squealed happily and bucked, his hands pinned beside his head, his mate's teeth in his neck. Everything felt exactly right, the pleasure building as a sense of perfect calm washed over him, telling him he was exactly where he was supposed to be, protected and loved and pleasured under his mate. He sobbed dryly, overwhelmed, begging for more, needing everything he could have. Anthony gave it, moving faster, the strokes longer, smoother, his ragged voice in Azra's ear, praising him almost incoherently in between their moans. 

"Ahhhhnthony!" Azra groaned, his muscles spasming, clenching around that length inside him, right on the edge, just as Anthony slammed all the way into his mate and came with a shudder. Azra felt his depths flooded, warmth spilling into him as Anthony gasped, apologising breathlessly as he rocked through his orgasm instinctively. 

"Shh, it's...it's okay!" Azra choked out, letting go of one of Anthony's hands to stroke his long hair. "I...oh God, I was so close!" He chuckled, and Anthony groaned, slowly sitting back and grabbing a towel before pulling out carefully. 

"Give me a sec, angel, I'll...I'll help, I just need to wash off, I should have used a condom." 

"It's fine," Azra mumbled, closing his eyes as he relaxed back into the mattress. "It felt kind of nice, I'm not gonna lie." 

"Mm, well maybe we'll have to do it more often while you're already knocked up," Anthony chuckled, walking into the bathroom and coming back a few seconds later with a warm damp washcloth. He gently wiped Azra off, kissing just under his belly button as the omega purred, gently stroking his hair.

"Would you maybe consider...using your mouth?" Azra asked nervously, and Anthony nodded, kissing his thigh before getting up again. 

"I'll just put underwear on and tie my hair back again, and then yeah." 

Azra nodded and let out a soft sigh, running his hand down his face. 

"Close your eyes, angel," Anthony announced, and Azra rolled his eyes, but did as he was told, spreading his legs a little wider. He heard some odd sounds, then the bed sank and something cold and slick pressed against his entrance before sliding inside. Azra gasped, hips jerking slightly, and felt warm breath on his cock, before Anthony's lips met that sensitive flesh. 

"I've got you, beautiful," Anthony purred, just as Azra heard a button click and felt the egg inside him start to vibrate. 

"Mmm, Anthony," he sighed softly, and Anthony hummed, running his tongue over Azra's short shaft slowly, then beginning to suck lightly at the tip, lapping gently. Azra whimpered and bucked just as the vibrator inside him turned up, Anthony's fingers joining it inside him, using the little string to pull it up against his g-spot. Azra clenched down around it and moaned out loudly, fingers tangling and pulling at Anthony's hair, his hand shaking. Anthony purred in satisfaction, dropping the vibrator back against Azra's cervix, his fingertips rubbing up against his spot instead. In answer, Azra whimpered, begging softly, and Anthony's tongue began to flick faster. Azra felt the build up in his stomach already, his body clenching instinctively, his gasps and whines getting louder and more desperate just before his hips bucked, his body froze, and Anthony purred, stroking him through his orgasm as he gasped and shook. 

"Good boy," he murmured as he pulled back, turning the vibrator off quickly. "How was that?" 

"Mm, perfect," Azra murmured, letting his shaking legs relax against the bed as Anthony slipped the vibrator out gently. 

"Good, I'll go clean this and then we can cuddle." 

Azra didn't answer, rolling over sleepily and pressing his face into the pillow. A moment later, Anthony slipped into bed with him, curling up around him and running a hand over his side to rest on his stomach. Azra let out a soft little grunt and felt the baby stir, kicking out weakly. Anthony purred and snuggled closer to his mate, and Azra just let out a happy sigh. 

"Can I tell you something?" Anthony asked after a moment, and Azra stifled a yawn. 

"Mhm." 

"I'm...I'm scared of losing the baby," Anthony admitted quietly, and Azra rolled over to face him, kissing him lightly. 

"It's going to be fine. I'm healthy, the baby is healthy, there's no need to worry. I know that's easier said than done, but I promise it's going to be okay. I've been under a ridiculous amount of stress since she was conceived and she's still fine, I'm sure nothing is going to go wrong now that everything has settled down." 

Anthony sighed and Azra looked into those soft golden eyes, his smile a little sad. "I know, angel. I just...I'm going to be scared for her until I can hold her in my arms." 

"I know," Azra murmured, kissing him again, his lips soft and gentle. "That's part of what being a parent is all about, anyway. Being scared for your child twenty-four seven. But it will be okay. I know it will, and I'm always right." 

Anthony chuckled and just pulled his mate closer, nuzzling at his cheek lovingly. "Okay, angel. I believe you. We should start thinking about names." 

"We should, but right now, I need a nap. And you don't argue with pregnant people when they want naps." 

"Okay, lesson well learned," Anthony laughed, and Azra grinned, hugging him tighter and burying his face in that familiar, welcoming chest. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey!   
> Hope you enjoyed this one! Not many more to go now ;-;   
> But I am very excited to start sharing more of Magpie with you all!   
> <3<3


	49. Chapter Forty Nine

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter contains transphobia.

Anthony opened the car door for his mate, taking his hand as he stepped out. Azra rolled his eyes fondly, reaching up to fix Anthony's hair carefully. Anthony had listened to Azra's gentle instructions on how to dress and had pulled his hair back in a more masculine style, choosing plainer jeans and a t-shirt instead of one of his more usual blouses or jumpsuits. Even his face was bare of any kind of makeup, and although it made him slightly uncomfortable, he understood. 

They were visiting Azra's mum, and it would be Anthony's first time meeting her, so he knew Azra was nervous, in the same way that he also knew she was transphobic, at least to her son. Anthony sighed and Azra laced their fingers absentmindedly on the way into the coffee shop, squeezing Anthony's hand. 

Although Anthony was a little nervous himself, he was shoving it to the side and keeping it under control. After all, it wasn't like Azra and his mum had a particularly close relationship, so he didn't have to worry too much about making a good first impression. 

Azra made a soft noise in the back of his throat as they entered and gently pulled Anthony over to a table. 

The older woman looked up from the book she was reading, blue eyes sharp, a mirror image of Azra's. Her light grey hair had clearly once been blonde, and her body shape was very similar to Azra's. However, she definitely didn't have his smile. Hers was washed out and disinterested, almost forced, unlike Azra's perpetually bright, adorable sincerity. 

"Hey Mum," Azra said quietly, his cheeks flushing slightly. "This is Anthony, my mate." 

She rose stiffly and held out a hand, which Anthony shook politely. "Beatrice Fell, it's nice to meet you," she said, but her expression didn't match her words; her eyes cold and judgemental. 

"You too," Anthony answered, countering this with a bright, friendly smile. They all sat down and Azra slid his hand over Anthony's leg under the table, his touch gentle and slow. Anthony pressed his leg up slightly, against Azra's touch, but the omega withdrew his hand slowly, flashing his mate a brief smile before turning to his mum. 

"How have you been, Mum?" He asked, and she stared at him for a moment before shrugging. 

"Fine. I haven't been back in hospital yet. Your father misses you, you never call anymore," she added accusingly, and Anthony saw Azra's jaw clench briefly. 

"My father doesn't want to talk to me," he answered stiffly, and Beatrice rolled her eyes, but instead turned that light, calculating gaze on Anthony. 

"How did you meet Azra, then?" 

Anthony glanced at Azra, who just smiled slightly and looked down, not exactly relaxing, but seeming less tense. 

"I work in childcare sometimes, while I'm studying for my PhD. The flexible hours work well and as a student, extra money is always welcome. When you were in hospital and Azra had to go off last minute to visit you, he hired me to watch Emily," Anthony said softly, remembering that first night with a fond smile. "I was absolutely smitten from the first moment I saw him, and we just...well, built it up from there, I suppose." 

"An alpha in childcare? That's quite rare," Beatrice pressed, her tone hinting at disapproval. "What is your degree?" 

"Childhood studies with a focus on education," Anthony answered easily, his heart beating a little faster in his chest. Azra's hand found his thigh again, stroking gently, and the alpha relaxed slightly. 

"So what can you do with that? I know Azra wanted to be a doctor, but obviously she never managed that," Beatrice chuckled and Anthony tensed, his fingers curling in his lap as he tried to squash the surprise. He tried to tell himself that it was just a mistake, that she was just old and forgetful, but something about her expression made him think that she knew exactly what she was doing. 

"Um. Well, you...I can go into research or teaching at a university, or some people go into schools and help children with adjustment problems. I'll be qualified to help children with learning disabilities or autism, so I can help schools develop programs to help those kids, as well as just kids who have problem behaviours. It's quite a wide-ranging degree." 

Beatrice nodded, just as Azra cut in softly. 

"He's very, very good with kids. Emily loves him, and he's helped her learning a lot." 

Beatrice looked at Azra and snorted. "Well, it doesn't really matter how good with kids he is if he can't make enough money to support them, now does it?" 

Anthony swallowed, glancing at Azra, who looked down immediately, his cheeks flushed. "I-I mean, it depends on what kind of job I get," Anthony said quietly, and Beatrice just laughed, shaking her head slightly. Anthony gave up, and was saved by his phone buzzing in his pocket. He slipped it out and saw an email on his academic account, so he opened it and began to scan it quickly, as it was about his upcoming dissertation presentation.

While he was reading, Beatrice leaned towards Azra and tried to speak quietly, but clearly she didn't quite know how loud her voice was. "I know you're transgendered and queer or whatever, but couldn't you have found yourself a nice, normal alpha? He's...he's not transgendered too, is he?"

She said it as if Anthony couldn't hear her, but he'd caught every word, forcing himself to keep his eyes fixed on his phone screen so as not to mortally embarrass his mate. 

"No Mum, he's not," Azra said simply, his tone more than exhausted already. Anthony tucked his phone back into his pocket and glanced at Azra, who shot him a look suggesting he knew full well that Anthony had heard everything. 

"It's a shame that you never got back with that Gabriel," Beatrice said brightly, and Azra went very still, staring down at his lap. "He was such a nice man. Always very polite and sweet. The embodiment of a good alpha." 

Rage building in his throat, choking him, Anthony looked over at Azra, who was starting to shake ever so slightly. He cleared his throat and looked at Beatrice, his heartbeat practically deafening in his ears. 

"Gabriel was abusive," Anthony said firmly, his hand finding Azra's thigh under the table and squeezing gently. Beatrice seemed confused for a second, her eyes going a little blank before she nodded vaguely. 

"Yes...yes. But he was always polite to me," she murmured distantly, then flashed a washed out, slightly confused smile. "I shouldn't have brought him up. How are you doing, Azra?" 

Azra swallowed and gave a shaky shrug, then glanced towards the door to the shop. "Um. I'm...I'm fine," he sighed, glancing at Anthony before going on. "Well, actually, I came down here to tell you something," he admitted quietly, and she nodded, watching him closely and simply waiting for him to continue, which he did nervously. "I'm pregnant," he mumbled, and Anthony wrapped his arm around Azra's shoulder, pressing a soft kiss to the side of his head possessively. "We um...we mated because Gabriel tried to take Emily and I wanted to make sure we would keep her, and um...well, the condom broke," Azra chuckled weakly, glancing down at his lap. "We're having a baby girl." 

Beatrice laughed, which took Anthony so completely by surprise that he nearly didn't hear what she said next. 

"Another unplanned baby? Christ, Azra, by the time you're thirty five you'll have six of them!" 

Azra's cheeks flushed and Anthony quickly squeezed him, trying to offer subtle comfort. 

"We brought pictures," he said after a moment of awkward silence, and slipped the envelope out of his jacket, handing it across the table. 

Beatrice gave them a cursory glance, then handed them back. 

"I don't like babies. It's a good thing both of you do," she added with a wry smile, and Anthony felt something akin to disgust stirring in his chest. 

They managed to make polite conversation for a while longer before Azra faked a call from Anathema and said they had to head home to be with Emily. 

Anthony walked with him to the car in silence, watching as he got in and turning to pull him into a brief little kiss. "Are you okay?" 

Azra looked down at his lap, then suddenly began to cry very quietly, and Anthony scrambled to comfort him, wrapping him up in the tightest hug he could manage from across the car. Azra laughed shakily, gently pushing him away, shaking his head as Anthony sat back, worried and uncertain. 

"I'm alright," Azra announced through his tears, wiping them carefully and stifling another little sob. "I think this is mostly just hormones. I'd like to just go home." 

Anthony winced, offering Azra his hand. "I'm sorry, angel. I'm so sorry," he murmured, and Azra forced a trembling smile, shaking his head again as his fingers laced with his mate's. 

"I'm okay. She's always been like this, I don't know what I expected," he answered, his voice hitching. "I'm sorry for c-crying."

"Don't be silly," Anthony soothed, squeezing his hand tightly before reaching over into the glovebox and pulling out a packet of tissues. Azra laughed again, the tears still dripping off his chin as he took a tissue out and began to dry his eyes. 

"I know, I know. I just feel...stupid," Azra sighed, leaning his head back against the headrest and closing his eyes as the tears finally began to slow. "I shouldn't have expected anything else from her." 

"She's your mum," Anthony pointed out gently, running his thumb over Azra's knuckles slowly. "It's normal to be hopeful. I gave my mum plenty of chances that I shouldn't have. But you just keep trying, that's normal. Let's go home and have a nice bath or something, have some time to relax," he murmured, leaning across the car to kiss Azra's temple. "I love you." 

"I know. I love you too," Azra answered simply, managing a small, washed out smile as Anthony started the car. 

Anthony unlocked the front door and nearly staggered backwards when Emily's weight slammed into him. He lifted her up quickly to get her out of the way, stepping inside so Azra could follow. 

"How was Grandma?" Emily asked cheerfully while Azra took his shoes off, not looking at his daughter quite yet. 

"She was fine," Anthony answered for his mate, gently setting Emily back on her feet. "What have you been doing?" 

"Sums!" She said brightly, grabbing at his hand. "Come draw with me, Dad!" 

Azra caught Anthony's arm, fingers squeezing lightly. "Darling, I'm going to go take a bath," he murmured, and Anthony felt worry dig under his skin. 

"Are you-" 

"I'm alright. I promise," Azra soothed, pulling Anthony into a brief kiss. Emily tugged on his hand, shouting for him, so Anthony sighed and turned away, listening to Azra's footsteps on the stairs as he followed Emily to the table. 

After paying the babysitter and spending about half an hour drawing with Em, Anthony went upstairs and knocked on the bathroom door, letting himself in a moment later. 

Azra looked up, wiping his eyes, and Anthony sighed, walking over slowly and kneeling down on the mat as Azra looked away quickly. 

"I wish you'd talk to me, sweetheart. I'm worried about you," Anthony murmured simply, reaching out and stroking his knuckles over his mate's cheek. "I love you." 

Azra sighed and sank a little deeper into the water. "I was fine, I just...I don't know. I had a moment where I was just thinking too much, I think. I...I don't think she's doing very well. My mum, I mean. She seems really forgetful, and I just...I have to remind myself that it's not my problem, that I don't owe her anything, y'know?" 

Anthony leaned against the side of the tub, rolling his sleeve up carefully before dipping his hand into the water, finding Azra's stomach and splaying his fingers against that smooth skin. "I understand, angel. If it helps to hear me say it, you really don't. She's proven herself to be a shitty mum, and it's not like you're the only person in her life. She has other people to turn to." 

Azra smiled softly and gave a little shrug. "It does help, thank you. But mostly I just need to keep working on changing my thinking." 

"Just remember that I'm here to help, yeah?" Anthony pointed out gently, rubbing a slow circle over Azra's still-soft belly. "Why don't you come downstairs and hang out with me and Em? That'll keep you busy." 

Azra slid his hand down over Anthony's, letting his head tip back against the lip of the bath and closing his eyes. "I'm enjoying just having a quiet moment right now," he admitted softly, and Anthony nodded, feeling a slight kick against his hand and smiling to himself. 

"Do you want me to go? Leave you alone with the little one?" He murmured, and Azra laughed softly, opening his eyes to return Anthony's loving smile. 

"No, darling. I'm just a bit tired, that's all. You know omegas carry for only about thirty five weeks, right? Well, it makes things happen a bit faster, which means I tend to get tired quite easily." 

Anthony nodded, reaching up to stroke Azra's cheek again and then leaning over to kiss his forehead. "I remember Ben talking about it," he sighed, and felt that old, familiar twinge of guilt and grief. Azra flashed him a sad smile and gently pressed the alpha's hand back to his stomach. 

"She's going to be our special baby girl," he smiled, and Anthony relaxed slightly, forcing himself back into the present. 

"Of course she is. I should probably go check on Em, though. Promise you'll come down when you're done?" 

Azra nodded, stroking Anthony's hand lightly and closing those beautiful blue eyes once more. "Promise. I'll be another ten minutes or so, I just...I need the quiet." 

"Alright, my love," Anthony murmured, leaning over and kissing the corner of Azra's lips lightly before getting up slowly. He left the room reluctantly, letting the door click shut behind him with a finality that made him shiver. 

Anthony didn't like leaving his mate when he was upset, but he felt helpless. He didn't know how to comfort Azra considering that he couldn't really figure out what was causing him pain. He wanted to be there and hold him and talk to him until he felt better, but he didn't know where to start. 

Sighing, Anthony tried to put it out of his mind as he went down to find Emily, but it didn't really work. 

He was just glad when Azra appeared about fifteen minutes later, wrapped up in fluffy pajamas and looking tired. He sat down on the sofa wordlessly and flashed Anthony a washed out, pale smile just as Emily climbed into his lap. He hugged her tightly, holding the back of her head in one hand, then complimenting her drawing enthusiastically when she pulled away to show it to him. 

Anthony watched this exchange with a gentle warmth in his chest, slight relief washing through him when he saw how genuine Azra's smile looked. He got up from the table and went over to the couch, sitting down beside his mate and wrapping an arm around his shoulders. Azra leaned into him hurriedly, nodding along while Emily explained the finer points of her masterpiece, his head resting on Anthony's shoulder. Anthony let out a deep breath and leaned his head against Azra's lightly, reflecting on their little family. It was all the family he'd ever need, he knew that. The four of them, all together, happy together. But he knew that sometimes he did feel that ache for more, those little holes where he'd lost pieces of himself - first when his birth mother had died, and then when his other mother had lost herself to the grief. It was hard to feel that absence of a parental figure, to know that there was no one there, and even harder when they were still alive but simply...too distant. 

Anthony pressed a soft kiss to the top of his mate's head, squeezing him a little tighter, and Azra let out a quiet little sigh. Shifting slightly, Anthony decided not to say anything, at least for now. He knew that it was a conversation best left until tomorrow. After all, Azra's ache might be dulled overnight, he might realise that the only thing poking at it would do was make it worse. And if not, Anthony would be there to gently steer him into focusing on his new family, on the little life they'd built together, on the four of them, all together. 

Happier now that he felt he had a handle on Azra's emotions, Anthony relaxed slightly and pulled his mate closer, nodding along to Emily's enthusiastic monologue while relishing his partner's warmth. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey!   
> Azra's mum came back into the picture at last! But uh...not for very long.   
> Hope you all are well as always!   
> ♡♡♡


	50. Chapter Fifty

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter contains: slightly sexual content.

In the days after their visit with Azra's mum, the omega noticed Anthony was extra attentive, offering more cuddles than usual and encouraging Azra to take long baths. But Azra had felt much better after a good night's sleep. 

It had allowed him to put things into perspective and remind himself of how ultimately unimportant his mother was in his life. They'd been distanced ever since Azra had moved out to live with Gabriel, and even more so since he'd given birth to Emily. His transition had been the last straw, and she hadn't spoken to him for a few years after that. Azra honestly didn't really know why he'd bothered to keep in touch with her at all, and their recent meeting had just confirmed that it wasn't worth it. 

It was good that he'd figured all of this out when he had, as the next few weeks began to get a bit crazy. Anthony was coming very close to submitting the final copy of his PhD, and Azra was immensely proud, although rather worried for his mate. 

Anthony was spending most nights up until at least midnight, sometimes climbing into bed with Azra as late as six. He was constantly exhausted and sometimes even shaky, and Azra couldn't believe quite how hard he was taking it all. He'd always assumed Anthony was quite easygoing and went with the flow when he was stressed, but this all seemed to go out of the window when it came down to his academic career. 

Unfortunately, this was all very bad timing. Azra was starting to get more and more needy as his hormones spiked: he was getting forgetful, having trouble sleeping that included nightmares, getting flashes of anxiety, and just generally feeling quite run-down. He needed his mate, he needed to be cuddled and held and cooed at, but Anthony's mind was far too focused on his thesis. 

After waking up from a particularly bad nightmare one night, Azra got up and wandered downstairs, stroking a hand down his swollen stomach as he went into the kitchen. The clock on the wall declared it to be three in the morning, and Anthony was hunched over the table, glaring at his computer screen in concentration. Azra gave a soft sigh and walked over, letting his hand come to rest on Anthony's back. 

"Darling?" 

Anthony jumped wildly and Azra sighed, slowly rubbing his shoulder, his hand moving in gentle circles.

"What?" Anthony snapped, and Azra winced, those intense golden eyes not lifting from the screen. 

"It's three, darling," Azra said softly, playing with a lock of his mate's usually so glossy hair. It was dulled with the effects of Anthony's stress on his showering routine, and Azra couldn't help but feel sorry for his partner. "I had another nightmare," he added quietly, hoping that this would encourage Anthony to finally come to bed. 

"I'll be up in a bit," Anthony answered distractedly, and Azra sighed, gently pulling at his arm. 

"Come now, please? I miss you, I don't feel good," Azra whined softly, and Anthony brushed his hand off quickly, still staring at his laptop. 

"I can't, I need to finish this." 

"But-" 

"Just go to bed," Anthony growled, pushing at Azra's arm lightly. 

Shock made Azra freeze for a second, then hurt replaced the surprise, flaring in his chest, constricting his throat. "Anthony! Don't push me," he cried, his voice as strangled as he felt. "I need you to come to bed!" 

Anthony finally looked up, his golden eyes cold and hard, but Azra could see the stress behind it all, behind how angry he looked. "Leave me alone, Azra! You always fucking need something, and it's fucking tiring!" 

Azra recoiled at his tone, those nasty words coming out in a menacing hiss. "I'm the one carrying your fucking baby!" He snapped, his emotions skyrocketing, his fingers curling into fists at his sides. "You're the one who didn't check the fucking condom, and now when I expect you to do the bare minimum, you-" 

"This is my  _ degree, _ Azra! Do you want me to fail? Huh?" Anthony snarled, and Azra took a small step back, swallowing hard before the anger flickered up again. 

"No, I want you to take a fucking break and come and cuddle your mate!" He growled, propping his hands on his hips the way he always did when Emily was testing to see how far she could push him. "You need to rest!" 

"You need to stop trying to run my whole goddamn life for me! Go. Back. To. Bed!" 

Azra glared for a moment, then dropped his hands from his hips. "Fuck you, Anthony," he muttered, then turned on his heel and left the room, slamming the door behind him. 

Azra made his way back upstairs slowly, hoping to hear the sound of the door opening and footsteps running after him, but the house was quiet. He climbed back into bed reluctantly, rolling onto his side and trying to get comfortable all alone. The baby stirred and he groaned, running his hand over his belly slowly.

"Go back to sleep, you. You're the last thing I need right now," he murmured with a soft, fond little smile. "You always wake up right when I'm trying to sleep." 

The baby kicked again, as if in answer, and Azra rolled his eyes, pressing his face into the pillow as he shifted again, trying to find that perfect position. After a while, he finally found the right spot and began to drift off, just as the bedroom door clicked and he heard quiet footsteps. 

"Azra? You awake?" 

He grunted in answer, and red flooded his vision through his eyelids as Anthony turned the bedside lamp on. The bed sank in front of him and he opened his eyes just as a gentle hand stroked his hair back from his face. 

"I owe you an apology, angel," Anthony said softly, and Azra nodded sleepily, blinking up at the alpha's face. "I'm sorry for getting upset and taking it out on you. I love you very much, and I'm sorry I haven't been around enough. I've got to submit it this week and then my oral exam will be in two weeks. And then it'll be over," he went on, his voice sounding a bit thick. "For good or bad. And I just...I'm terrified, angel." 

Azra gently took one of Anthony's hands, kissing his knuckles softly. "I know. But you should be talking to me about these things, you know that. And you should be listening to me more, you're keeping up an unhealthy work schedule." 

Anthony sighed and pulled his hand away carefully, standing up and starting to unbutton his shirt. "I know, angel. I should always listen to you more," he chuckled quietly, slipping his shirt off, then his jeans. Then he lifted up the blankets and slid into bed with his mate, purring happily as Azra cuddled up to him immediately. 

"You should," Azra mumbled sleepily, and felt that gentle hand slide into his hair again, fingers tangling in his silky curls. "I don't feel good." 

"I know, angel, I know," Anthony soothed, running his hand underneath Azra's shirt and stroking the much more obvious bump slowly. The touch, combined with Anthony's scent washing over him, made Azra feel more relaxed than he had in days, the tension slipping from his muscles, the slight, ever-present pain fading. 

"I'll take a break tomorrow, how's that?" Anthony suggested softly, rubbing a gentle circle into the side of Azra's stomach. "It's Saturday tomorrow, so we can spend all morning in bed and cuddle. But you need sleep now, angel." 

Azra smiled to himself sleepily, loving the prospect of spending hours just laying in bed with his alpha, but he was already starting to drift, and he simply couldn't fight it any longer. 

* * *

Azra woke to find Anthony on his back beside him, scrolling through something on his phone. He had the blankets pulled down slightly, showing off that perfect chest, and Azra felt his heartbeat quicken. 

He reached out slowly, stroking his knuckles down the centre of his mate's chest, feeling that lovely soft skin, his hand opening over the alpha's heartbeat. Anthony put his phone aside and rolled over to face Azra, leaning in for a quick kiss. Azra smiled into it and stroked Anthony's hair slowly, desire making his fingers tremble slightly. 

"Anthony, I...I need.." he tried to say as Anthony broke the kiss, but the alpha was already gently rolling him onto his back, long fingers cradling his soft cheek. 

"I know, angel. I can feel it," Anthony soothed, guiding him to slip his shirt off and helping him when he got a bit stuck. "I've got you, my beautiful, stunning, perfect omega," he purred, and Azra felt the blush rise, his legs spreading just as Anthony pulled the blankets back and tugged on the drawstring of Azra's pajamas. 

"I love you," Azra breathed, and Anthony hummed happily, helping him out of his pajamas. He sighed softly, his eyes slipping closed, his legs spreading even further as he felt Anthony's lips on his thigh. 

"I love you too, angel," Anthony murmured, kneading his fingers against Azra's soft, ample flesh, enjoying the feeling of that give under his hand and the soft little moan it drew from Azra's lips. The hand ran higher, Azra's little sighs getting louder, more needy, until fingers found his cock. 

Azra moaned out, rocking into the pleasure, but as Anthony began to stroke slowly, Azra found that it didn't feel right. It didn't feel like it was scratching that itch, it didn't feel as pleasurable as it usually did. He gently caught Anthony's wrist and felt lips on the corners of his as the hand withdrew. 

"You okay, my love?" Anthony asked worriedly, and Azra nodded, closing his legs quickly. 

"Yeah, I just...I feel really needy, but I don't think it's...for sex," he mumbled, embarrassment burning on his cheeks. 

"Let me find you some underwear," Anthony smiled, getting up and opening a drawer while Azra closed his eyes, shivering slightly. "There's no need to be upset or anything," Anthony went on as he dug through Azra's clothes. "You thought you wanted something and you turned out to be wrong, that's entirely normal. We'll figure out what you need and do that instead." 

Azra sighed, dragging both hands down his face. "I'm just confused. I...I don't know what I want." 

He felt gentle hands on his ankles and allowed Anthony to help him into the underwear, then sighed as the bed sank. 

"Maybe just some cuddles?" Anthony suggested, and Azra managed a soft smile, turning and wrapping an arm around his mate. Their legs tangled together, bodies pressed together, skin to skin. That desire began to fade almost immediately, the itch scratched, and Azra let out a happy little sigh, pressing himself impossibly closer as Anthony squeezed him tighter. 

"Mmm, this was what I needed," Azra mumbled, ecstasy filling him, making him feel light and warm and loved. Anthony chuckled softly and ran his hand up and down the omega's spine, pressing a gentle kiss to his cheek. 

"It feels amazing," he agreed softly, his hand running down to the side of Azra's stomach. 

"My hormones are going nuts," Azra chuckled softly, burying his face in his mate's neck and drawing in a lungful of his comforting scent. "This feels practically orgasmic." 

Anthony laughed and squeezed him gently, running a hand up and down his back slowly. "Good. I think the skin to skin must be good for the baby or something." 

"That's for attachment," Azra giggled, gently guiding Anthony's hand down to the side of his stomach, to the gentle swell of his bump. "I think this is just hormones. It's probably to push us closer so you protect me or whatever. That kind of evolutionary shit." 

Anthony hummed agreement and began to stroke slow circles into Azra's stomach, petting his skin gently. "Fuck, I love you," he announced softly, and Azra purred, his eyelids feeling heavy, his whole body warm and tingling. 

"Mm, I love you too," he murmured, but sleep was already gently tugging him down, and he didn't resist, focusing on the feeling of Anthony's bare chest rising and falling against his own as he fell asleep. 

* * *

Azra woke again sometime later, this time to find himself still wrapped up in Anthony's arms, his face tucked into the crook of his mate's neck, that hand still stroking over the side of his stomach. He shifted slightly and Anthony purred, but held him tighter, not letting him pull away just yet. Anthony's hand ran down to the back of Azra's thigh, pulling him closer, tangling their legs together even more. 

Purring, Azra pressed himself into it, wanting,  _ needing  _ to be as close as possible to his mate. The baby stirred and Anthony let out a happy sigh, feeling the movement against his stomach. 

"Mm, she might be getting a bit squashed," Azra admitted reluctantly, pulling away ever so slightly to give his stomach a little more room. "There we go."

"You're such a good parent," Anthony murmured sleepily, and Azra just smiled to himself, relaxing happily. A moment later, the door clicked and Emily marched in, clutching a book to her chest as she climbed onto the bed. She dove between her dads, acting as a wedge to push them apart as she wriggled to get comfortable. Azra laughed softly and gave Anthony a wistful look, which just made him laugh as well.

Pushing his disappointment aside, Azra wrapped his arms around his daughter, smiling to himself as she settled back and opened the book. 

"Gonna read to you," she announced shortly, and Azra stifled a yawn, forcing himself to pay attention. 

"Good morning to you too," Anthony chuckled, but began to play with Emily's hair, listening attentively and helping her through a few longer words. 

Once finished, she put the book aside with an air of finality, as if having completed a necessary task, then rolled over and wrapped her arm as far around Azra as she could reach, her face buried in his chest. He chuckled and hugged her tightly, rubbing her back lightly as he felt the baby kick out again, reminding him that she was there as well, enjoying the embrace as much as he was. 

"Mm, you okay, baby?" He asked Emily softly, and she nodded, then rolled over to hug Anthony instead. 

"Just tired," she answered quietly, and Anthony wrapped her up in a tight hug, kissing the side of her head softly. 

"That's okay, little one. We'll have a nice relaxing day today, how does that sound?" Azra smiled, and Emily nodded, but stayed curled up against Anthony, her little body pressed to his. Anthony reached over her and rested a hand on Azra's stomach, his thumb stroking back and forth over his skin. 

Azra just smiled contentedly and let his eyes slip closed, basking in the gentle touches, the warmth of his daughter beside him, the scent of his alpha, and the slight little movements of his baby. It was all so perfect, so warm and happy and just... _ perfect.  _ He couldn't think of another word to describe how he felt. 

"Azra? Angel, don't fall asleep," Anthony chuckled, and Azra opened his eyes, shooting his mate a playful glare.

"Mm, I'm gonna get in the bath," he announced, slowly sitting up and ignoring a stab of pain in his lower back. Anthony frowned, reaching out for him and gently catching his wrist. 

"Are you alright?"

"Fine, yeah, just want to get clean," Azra smiled, and Emily tried to grab at him as well, whining for him to stay. 

"Let your daddy go get clean," Anthony interrupted, his voice soft, his hand closing around Emily's arm instead. "We'll watch some cartoons downstairs, yeah?"

Azra smiled to himself and slipped into the bathroom, shutting the door behind him and starting the tap running. He sat down on the closed toilet to wait, stroking his stomach absentmindedly and staring off at nothing for a while. Once the bath was full, he sank into the hot water with a happy sigh, leaning back against the end of the tub to relieve some of the pressure against his back. His baby was growing quickly, and although he was only about twenty five weeks in, her growth spurts were starting to put a strain on his body. So far, it was only little twinges every now and then, but he knew that it was likely to even out for a while and then come back closer to his due date. 

A soft knock on the door made Azra jump slightly, a smile spreading across his face as he relaxed. 

"Come in." 

The door opened and Anthony slipped into the room, walking over to sit on the mat. His hand dipped under the water without hesitation, finding one of Azra's and squeezing it tightly. 

"How are you feeling, angel?" 

"Tired. A bit sore," Azra answered honestly, gazing at his partner contentedly. "She's growing very quickly at the moment." 

Anthony nodded, reaching up with his other hand to stroke Azra's hair slowly. "What can I do to help, my love?" 

Azra leaned into the touch slightly, letting his eyes close up as he relaxed. "Not much, really. Just lots of cuddles and praise is always nice. I'm going to go to that prenatal yoga class, it was actually surprisingly good when I was pregnant with Emily." 

"When is it?" 

"Friday evenings," Azra murmured, and Anthony shifted closer, stroking his mate's cheek lightly, golden eyes serious as they fixed on blue. 

"I'll come with you, okay? I promise. I'll drive you there and sit with you and we'll get something nice for a treat afterwards. It can be our time. Just the three of us," he smiled, and Azra laughed softly, sinking deeper into the water to rest his head against the lip of the tub. 

"Sounds perfect, thank you." 

"You're always welcome, my angel," Anthony soothed, kissing Azra's forehead lightly and continuing to stroke his hair in a slow, loving rhythm. "I'm going to submit my thesis on Monday. It's done now, realistically, I've just been stressing over little details and trying to find mistakes and I need to just be done with it and put it down. I'll need to be prepared for my oral exam, but that won't be nearly as intensive, so I'll have plenty of time to spend with you and Em and the little one. I promise." 

"Good," Azra smiled, squeezing his hand lightly. "You're going to do great anyway, I'm sure of it. But I know you're worried, I understand. If you need help or comfort or anything, I'm here for you." 

Anthony smiled and leaned over, pulling Azra into a soft kiss. "Thank you, my love. How about we go to the zoo tomorrow? It'll keep my mind off things, and Em could do with a trip somewhere, I think she's been a bit restless." 

"That sounds perfect," Azra murmured, gently tugging Anthony back in for another soft, slow kiss. 

"Mm, and then I have my checkup next week. Wednesday," Anthony added quietly, and Azra nodded, kissing him again, unable to get enough. 

"You'll be fine, darling. Don't stress about it." 

"Easier said than done," Anthony pointed out, and Azra just smiled, stroking his cheek slowly. 

"I know, but I'll be here," he murmured, then pulled him back in for another kiss, this one long and slow and loving, and everything they both needed. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys!  
> I hope you enjoyed this one! Once again, I've been a bit overwhelmed and anxious, so answering messages/comments has been really hard for me. I will get back to it, I promise, but in the meantime, here's a chapter for you! Sorry it's a bit late, but it's here now <3  
> Btw, I recounted and there will be a total of 55 chapters :)


	51. Chapter Fifty One

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter includes: sexual content.

The next morning, Azra got up early, careful not to disturb his mate, and headed downstairs. It didn't take him long to whip up a batch of pancakes, adding some syrup and whipped cream as well as a mug of coffee the way Anthony liked it. He carried it all back upstairs on a tray, humming to himself happily as he shouldered the bedroom door open. 

Anthony was still fast asleep, so Azra set the tray on the bedside table and leaned over, gently stroking that long, glossy hair. 

"Anthony? Wake up, love," Azra murmured, and Anthony groaned softly, trying to bat his mate's hand away. Azra chuckled to himself and sat down on the edge of the bed, continuing to stroke Anthony's hair slowly. 

"Don't be so grumpy, darling," he scolded with a smile, his thumb brushing over the freckles on Anthony's cheek. "I made you pancakes and there's even coffee here for you." 

Anthony's sleep-dulled golden eyes cracked open and he yawned, blinking slowly as he settled into the pillow for a moment. "Pancakes?" 

His voice was a little hoarse, but a smile was starting to tug at the corners of his lips, and Azra couldn't help but return it. 

"Yep. With cream and syrup," he answered brightly, and Anthony closed his eyes again for a moment, then slowly sat up, stifling another yawn as he leaned against Azra. 

"It's a good thing you're having a day off, love. You look half dead," Azra joked gently, helping Anthony with the tray and moving to sit beside him so they could share. Anthony went straight for the coffee, gulping down a few good mouthfuls before starting to eat eagerly. The first bite caused him to let out an appreciative sound, and Azra smiled to himself, satisfied that his mate was enjoying himself. It felt good to do something small for him; something domestic and sweet and simple. They were so often caught up in big-picture things, like Azra's trauma or Anthony's degree, or their baby. It felt oddly cathartic to focus on something little for once. 

"This is amazing, angel," Anthony announced after a few more mouthfuls, and Azra allowed himself to smile again, ducking his head slightly. 

"Good, I'm glad," he answered simply and truthfully, and felt Anthony's shoulder gently bump against his, that soft red hair briefly tickling his cheek. Azra ignored the blush rising under his skin and went back to his breakfast happily, glancing at Anthony's rapidly emptying plate every now and then. 

Once he'd finished, he helped Anthony clear the tray, then climbed back into bed with him, immediately finding himself wrapped up in strong arms and that warming, comforting scent. 

"Thank you, that was a lovely little treat," Anthony murmured, and Azra grinned to himself, pressing his face into that familiar chest and purring when Anthony hugged him tighter. 

"Mmm, good. I love you." 

"I love you too, angel," Anthony hummed, and Azra simply went still, relaxing fully into the embrace just as the baby stirred. It began slowly at first, movements barely detectable, escalating to a couple of harsh kicks before settling down again as she got comfortable. 

"Someone's woken up," Anthony chuckled, and Azra sighed, tangling their legs together as he tried to find more comforting warmth. 

"Mm, she's getting more of a routine. I must admit, they're a bit too strong for me. She's going to be a bit vicious, I think." 

Anthony laughed and pressed his face into Azra's har briefly. "I really don't think you could ever produce a vicious child. It's so against your own nature," he teased, and Azra giggled, reaching up to tangle his fingers in those beautiful locks.

"You're probably right there." 

Silence fell for a moment or two, comfortable and content, and Azra felt his eyes closing up, his body relaxing. He didn't fight it, allowing himself to drift off again, his body feeling as if it was sinking into the mattress. 

* * *

"Angel?" 

Azra stirred, frowning deeply as he sighed. "Mm?" 

"It's time to wake up, my love," Anthony called softly, his hand running over the omega's side. "We're going to the zoo, remember?" 

Azra grunted and opened his eyes to see Anthony leaning over him, his brow furrowed. 

"Are you feeling okay, angel?"

Azra let out another soft sigh and slowly sat up, rubbing his eyes. "Just really tired. I'll be okay once I wake up some more." 

"Alright, love. Why don't you shower, that might wake you up," Anthony suggested, and Azra looked up at him, managing a sleepy smile. 

"Shower with me?" 

Anthony chuckled and shook his head slightly, leaning down to kiss his mate. "I'm sorry, sweetheart, but I've already got Emily up and I should keep an eye on her." 

Azra nodded, stifling a yawn before getting up reluctantly, gently grabbing onto Anthony for support. "Mm, okay. I won't be long."

Showering did make Azra feel much more fresh and awake, and he wandered downstairs about fifteen minutes later, dressed and ready. Anthony and Emily were playing chess at the table, so he leaned in the doorway, folding his arms over his chest while he watched. 

He'd taught both of them to play, and Emily still insisted on calling the knights 'horsies.' Anthony was terrible at the game, moving pieces at what seemed to be random, to the point where Azra had wondered if he was doing it on purpose to let Emily win. But they'd played together one evening, and Anthony hadn't been any better. 

Azra had tried to hint at some more tips gently, but Anthony just didn't seem to be able to wrap his head around the game, and Azra didn't see any point in pushing him. He was having fun, and that was all Azra needed to see. 

"Hey, love," Anthony said without looking up, capturing one of Emily's pawns. 

"I'm ready to go when you are, darling," Azra smiled, walking over and stroking Emily's hair just as she reached out and took Anthony's queen. Anthony frowned slightly and Azra tried to hide his smile, biting his lip as he started to pull Emily's hair back. 

"Can we finish this game, Daddy?" Emily asked politely, and Azra started to separate her hair into sections, humming to himself softly. 

"Of course, baby. It doesn't look like there's much left, anyway," he pointed out teasingly, and Anthony's frown deepened slightly. Azra smiled to himself fondly and started plaiting Emily's hair back in two french plaits, bringing it into one at the back. He finished it off just as Emily won the game, putting Anthony's king into checkmate with a knight and a bishop. 

"Well done, love," Azra murmured, leaning down to kiss her cheek. "Go get ready." 

She nodded and hurried off, so Azra sat down on the edge of the table, tilting Anthony's chin up so those golden eyes fixed on his. 

"I'm not good at this," Anthony grumbled, and Azra laughed, leaning down to kiss him softly. 

"I hadn't noticed," he joked, and Anthony growled, pulling him down into another kiss. 

"You're incredibly irritating, did you know that?" 

"No, but I do now," Azra chuckled, kissing him again, his fingers curling around Anthony's jaw, his lips parting ever so slightly. He felt something stir in him, that need constricting his lungs, so he pulled away quickly, blushing. 

Anthony grinned at him knowingly and got up, spreading his legs and standing between them, ignoring Azra's uncertainty and guiding him into a slow, loving kiss. Using his body to shield what he was doing in case Emily came back, Anthony slipped his hand down between them, and was touching Azra before he realised what Anthony was doing. He laughed into the kiss, then rocked into the hand slightly, pulling Anthony deeper. 

"Daddy? Come on, I want to go to the zoo!" Emily called from the hallway, making Azra jump. He broke away quickly, blushing bright red, and Anthony just grinned, leaning down to kiss his neck softly. 

"I can feel you. I can feel how much you need me," he purred, and Azra gasped as Anthony's hand slid up under his shirt to stroke against his sensitive ribs. "Later," Anthony hissed, and was stalking away, heading down the hall. 

"Daddy's just coming, love! Put your shoes on."

Azra sat for a moment, breathing heavily and trying to compose himself. He couldn't keep the smile off his face, anticipation sending a little thrill down his spine as he wondered what 'later' would bring. 

* * *

After spending almost five hours at the zoo, Azra was tired. He'd forgotten all about his moment with Anthony that morning, and was just focused on getting home, eating a warm dinner, and crawling into bed. However, as soon as they got back and he saw the chess set, still out on the table, it all came rushing back.

He glanced at Anthony, feeling a light blush creeping up his cheeks, and the alpha winked. That certainly didn't help matters. 

"How about we all play on the Wii for a bit?" Azra suggested quickly, trying to hide how flustered he was. 

"Yes!" Emily squealed, hurrying off towards the living room happily, giving Anthony a chance to gently pin his omega to the wall, backing him up against it and using his body rather than his hands to keep him in place. 

Azra's eyes widened, his mouth dropping open slightly, but those golden eyes were so soft, so loving, even overflowing with lust. 

"A-Anthony, I think-" 

"Daddy?" Emily rounded the corner, stopping and hesitating, her eyes wide. Anthony stepped away from Azra hurriedly, flashing her a smile and slipping past her out of the room quickly. 

Confused, Azra stood for a second, then crouched down and opened his arms. "You okay, baby?" 

Emily nodded, walking to him slowly and folding into his arms. "Dad seems...different. He wasn't going to hurt you, was he?" 

Azra nearly swallowed his tongue, gripping Emily tightly. "No, of course not, love. He's just a bit...worked up," he answered firmly, stroking her hair as she buried her face in his neck. "I think I ought to go check on him, though. Make sure he's okay." 

"Okay," Emily said simply, and Azra stood up, lifting her with him and carrying her into the living room. He set her on the couch and gently pressed a Wii remote into her hand, then kissed the side of her head. 

"I'll be back in a few minutes, okay? We'll play some games." 

Emily nodded, apparently satisfied with this, and Azra rose, heading for the stairs slowly. Nerves stirred in his stomach as he climbed, Emily's words tugging at every little scrap of fear still hiding in the back of his mind. 

Azra reached the landing and crossed to the bedroom door just as Anthony opened it, blinking in surprise. 

"Angel, I was just-" 

"Can we talk?" Azra asked softly, and Anthony gave a quiet sigh, nodding slightly and turning to walk back into the bedroom. Azra followed, shutting the door behind him and going over to the bed where Anthony had sat down, looking nervous. 

"Look, I'm sorry, I-"

"Emily asked me if you were going to hurt me," Azra mumbled, and Anthony gasped, grabbing at Azra's hand quickly. 

"No! Of course not, angel! I was just...worked up. I think...I think I'm under a lot of stress right now, and I think, along with your pregnancy hormones, it's forcing some of my alpha instincts into overdrive a bit. I've just been really...well, to put it bluntly, horny," he sighed, his cheeks flushing as he looked up at Azra nervously. "I'm sorry if I scared you." 

"You didn't," Azra soothed, turning to his mate and kissing his cheek softly. "Don't worry. I was just...worried about you, I suppose. And I didn't really want Em to see anything." 

Anthony groaned softly and buried his face in his hands. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean-" 

"It's okay, Anthony," Azra interrupted gently, wrapping his arm around his partner and pulling him a little closer. "Stop apologising, we're okay. We can just explain it to Em and...and maybe we'll have to find a way to satisfy our needs tonight." 

Anthony lifted his head, taking a deep breath as he leaned into Azra's embrace. "I just want to make you feel good, angel." 

"Mm, we don't need to have sex for that," Azra pointed out with a soft chuckle, and Anthony purred, cuddling up to his omega happily. 

"I love you." 

"Mm, I love you too. Let's go downstairs, hmm?" Azra murmured, kissing Anthony's temple lovingly. "Come on. We can play with Emily for a bit and have some family time." 

Anthony nodded, then slowly pulled away and got up, helping Azra up after him. They wandered downstairs hand in hand, Azra's fingers lacing with Anthony's absentmindedly as he led the alpha into the living room and over to Emily. Without a word, they sat down on either side of her, Azra's arm slipping around his daughter while she concentrated on the game she was playing. 

"When you're done with this race, can you pause it please, love?" Azra asked gently, and Emily nodded, sticking her tongue out as she glared at the screen. Once it was finished, she left it on the scoreboard and turned her curious gaze to Azra. 

"You know how you saw me and Dad in the kitchen earlier?" Azra began awkwardly, and Em nodded, her eyes wide. "Well, you asked me if Dad was going to hurt me, and I said no. I need you to understand that what you saw wasn't...it wasn't Dad trying to hurt me." 

"But he had you against the wall," Emily said softly, glancing at Anthony, who just sighed and looked down. 

"It was just a game," Azra answered, his voice luckily coming out more certain than he felt. "If I'd asked him to stop, he would have. Remember how we talked about consent before? Well, I know that anytime Dad is touching me or we're playing games or...or just talking, even, if I ask him to stop, he will. And if we try something new, he asks me to make sure that I'm okay with doing it, and then keeps making sure I'm having fun. That way, he won't hurt me. Does that make sense?" 

Emily nodded slowly, and Azra stroked her hair lightly, his hand gentle. 

"The same goes the other way around, and for everyone else. You have to ask for permission before touching other people," he added softly, looking down into those intelligent blue eyes and knowing she was soaking up every word. 

"And I would never hurt your Daddy, I promise," Anthony murmured, reaching out and running his fingers through Emily's long hair. "I love him very, very much, and I won't ever let him get hurt," he soothed, and Emily smiled, nodding slightly. 

"I believe you." 

"Good," Azra chuckled, pulling her into a tight, loving embrace before letting go and picking up a Wii remote. "Let's play some games for a bit, yeah?" 

* * *

Once they'd played for a while and then read the all-important bedtime story, Azra and Anthony left Emily fast asleep and headed to their own room. Azra flopped down on the bed happily, stroking the gentle swell of his stomach and letting his eyes slip closed as the baby kicked out lightly. 

"Mm, I'm tired," Azra announced softly, and felt the bed sink beside him, a warm body pressing up against his comfortably. 

"Me too," Anthony agreed, his cheek resting on the front of Azra's shoulders, his fingertips tracing circles on the far side of Azra's belly. "I do still um...want to.." he added, trailing off, and Azra hummed agreement, running his hand down his mate's tattooed arm. 

"I want to go really slow," he mumbled, and Anthony purred, nuzzling the underside of his jaw gently.

"I have an idea. Let's pick a movie and get undressed," he murmured, and Azra smiled to himself, rolling over onto his side to turn the TV on. Anthony curled up around him, rubbing his side lightly as they flicked through Netflix, eventually settling on a romcom, as they always did when they were looking for something lighthearted. They undressed and Azra started the movie playing, but Anthony reached around and paused it, then rolled Azra onto his back. 

Azra gazed up at him, eyes half lidded, a slow smile spreading across his face. "Hey." 

"Hey," Anthony chuckled, gently spreading Azra's legs and slipping down between them. Azra's hand immediately fisted in his hair, his head tipping back as he let his legs fall further open, that warm breath on him making him shudder happily. 

"May I?" 

"P-please do!" Azra gasped, and Anthony grinned before diving in, lapping at Azra's cock and swirling his tongue around it. Azra whimpered, his legs already shaking, his body going into overdrive as he bucked into the contact, biting back a moan. Two fingers slipped in, testing him, spreading slightly before dragging out over his sweet spot. Anthony sat back hurriedly and Azra whined, trying to grab at him. 

"Hush," he soothed, reaching over him to grab the lube from the bedside table. "You're going to have to be a bit patient tonight, angel. I have plans with a capital 'P.'" 

Azra groaned softly, but smiled as he settled back, feeling lube being spread over him carefully, worked inside slightly. Just as he started getting into it; rocking into the motions, Anthony pulled back, rolling Azra onto his side gently and curling up around him. Already desperate, Azra raised his leg and Anthony slid home, causing them both to moan out softly, content and so, so close. Anthony gently adjusted Azra to bring him closer, then guided his leg back down to the bed, pulling a blanket over them and hitting play on the movie. 

Confused, Azra shifted slightly, whining when he felt Anthony's tip nudge up against the end of his passage. 

"Shh, angel," Anthony soothed, smirking slightly. "We're going to watch the movie like this, and you're going to be a good little omega and stay nice and close." 

Azra felt Anthony's hand running over his stomach and let out a contented little sigh. "God, this feels good," he mumbled, a little surprised. "It feels amazing to be so...so close to you," he went on softly, and Anthony squeezed him tighter, nuzzling the back of his jaw. 

"It does, doesn't it?" Anthony purred, shifting his hips slightly and causing Azra to let out a little whimper as the alpha's length rubbed against his walls. 

"Such a tease, Anthony," he groaned, and Anthony chuckled, kissing the back of his omega's neck. 

"Mhm. I'm getting you back." 

"I'm not this much of a tease," Azra giggled, and Anthony squeezed him tighter, running his hand up and down the slow curve of Azra's stomach. 

Azra settled back into the mattress, focusing his attention on the movie and trying not to get sleepy. It didn't take him long to get accustomed to having Anthony inside him, and he soon forgot there was anything unusual about what they were doing. 

Every now and then, Anthony would shift slightly, and Azra would gasp or whimper, occasionally clenching around that length just to tease his partner as much as Anthony was teasing him. 

It just felt so perfect, being so full and close and loved. Azra couldn't get enough of his alpha's warmth around him and inside him, he kept running his hand over his partner's arm, enjoying the feeling of his skin. He wanted to keep Anthony close for as long as possible, he wanted to be held and loved and filled. 

As the credits ran, Anthony shifted again, and Azra groaned softly, rocking back, wanting to feel that length sliding through him, wanting to be fucked at long last. Cuddling was lovely, but now he needed more. 

"Good little angel," Anthony purred, gently lifting Azra's leg and guiding it behind the alpha's hips, his hand squeezing that lovely soft flesh as he glided through his angel. Azra cried out, his eyes rolling back in his head, his body rocking as he was finally given what he'd been craving for almost two hours. 

Anthony's hand ran up, gently grabbing at Azra's chest, rolling his nipple between thumb and forefinger, his thrusts settling into an easy, slow rhythm to begin with, Azra's body rocking into each one to get his partner as deep inside as possible. 

"Anthony!" He breathed out shakily, and the alpha chuckled, kissing his cheek softly and slamming home harshly. Azra squealed in pleasure and reached back, grabbing at Anthony's hip, trying to get him to move faster. 

"You want more, angel?" Anthony purred, and Azra choked, nodding quickly, his fingers digging into Anthony's hip. Anthony chuckled and pulled out, causing Azra to growl in frustration, but the alpha was already rolling him onto his stomach and guiding him onto his hands and knees. Whining, Azra allowed his instincts to take over and presented himself, just as Anthony slammed into him, hands gripping the omega's ribs as he began a fast, deep pace, causing Azra to slap his hand over his mouth so he didn't scream. He rocked back desperately, trying to get even more stimulation, just as Anthony reached down, stroking over his cock. 

Azra came undone, gasping, jerking, his whole body shaking as Anthony hilted inside him, his fingers rubbing gentle circles over his cock to stimulate him through his orgasm. Then Azra collapsed, Anthony's length slipping from him as he fell to the bed, gasping for breath and still trembling. 

Anthony chuckled softly, stroking up and down his side slowly, and as Azra came back to himself, he blinked slowly, staring up at his mate. 

"You...you didn't cum," he said softly, and Anthony just shrugged, smiling down at his mate. 

"I don't really need to, angel." 

"But...I could...I could finish you off," Azra offered, his brow furrowed in confusion. Anthony blinked, then shrugged again. 

"If you want. But I don't need it, I...I just like seeing you happy," he admitted, and Azra blushed, biting his lip softly. 

"Come here, you big softy," he purred, sitting up and gently pulling at Anthony's arm. "I'll finish you. You deserve it, for giving me such a nice time." 

Anthony blushed as well, slowly moving closer, standing up on his knees. Azra guided him, rubbing his hips gently before wrapping a hand around his length. He gazed up at his mate for a second, then dove in, immediately taking all of Anthony into his throat. 

The alpha choked, quickly bracing against the wall, his hips trembling with the effort of not moving as Azra buried his nose in Anthony's skin. His hand found those soft curls, stroking slowly, lovingly, and Azra pulled back, cupping the alpha's length in one hand and staring up at Anthony in adoration as he began to lap at his tip, lavishing soft, gentle attention on the sensitive glans. Anthony returned his gaze steadily, his cheeks flushed, his mouth hanging open ever so slightly.

"God, I love you," he mumbled, and Azra laughed softly, then closed his eyes and took the tip into his mouth. His cheeks hollowed, his tongue swirled, finding that sensitive ridge and running along it to hear Anthony moan. The fingers tightened in his hair, and Azra purred, going down again and swallowing this time. Anthony cried out in shock, bucking slightly just as Azra pulled back, his other hand cupping Anthony's balls and rolling them slowly as he began to bob his head, taking in about half of the length each time. His tongue swirled expertly, the tip digging into Anthony's slit once or twice, and Azra opened his eyes, looking up at Anthony's face, taking in all the pleasure he was causing him. 

The alpha whimpered and Azra grinned around the length in his throat, loving the fact that he could reduce his big, strong alpha into a puddle of need with nothing other than his mouth. He went down again, swallowing once more, then pulled back to bob his head, just as Anthony groaned and rushed out the words, the gentle warning. 

Azra kept working patiently, waiting until he felt Anthony's balls tighten, the alpha's body jerking. Then he went down one last time, pulling the alpha all the way into his throat and tasting that bitterness as it slid down. Anthony groaned, holding the back of Azra's head gently, little involuntary thrusts gripping his body as he rocked deeper, the last spurt spilling onto Azra's tongue as he pulled back. The omega swallowed happily, diving in to lap that last little bead of cum from Anthony's tip before sitting back, content in a job well done. 

Anthony sank back to his knees, his eyes opening slowly, still clouded with pleasure, and Azra grinned. 

"Good?" 

"Fucking amazing," Anthony groaned, slipping off Azra's legs and falling onto his side on the bed, curling up sleepily. "I feel very much in need of a cuddle now." 

"I think that can probably be arranged. Let me go clean up," Azra hummed, getting off the bed shakily and padding into the bathroom. He slipped out a few minutes later and found Anthony curled up, wearing a pair of silk and lace sleeping shorts with a matching camisole. 

"You look beautiful," Azra announced, tugging on a pair of his pajama trousers and sliding into bed beside his mate. Anthony smiled sleepily, cuddling up to him and pressing his face against the omega's bare chest. 

"Thank you. I wanna...next time, can I be.." he trailed off, but Azra nodded, running his fingers through that beautiful red hair. 

"Of course, love. I'll top next time, if that's what you'd like." 

Anthony's smile turned a bit sheepish, and he nodded, leaning in to kiss his mate softly, pulling away fairly quickly to settle back into the mattress. "I'd like that." 

Azra hummed happily and cuddled up to Anthony, gently taking one of his hands and guiding it to his belly, just as the baby kicked out. Anthony chuckled and pulled Azra closer, hugging him as tight as possible. 

"Fuck, I love you." 

"I love you too." 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! I hope you liked this one!   
> I'm still struggling a bit with answering comments, I'm stressed about university work and I have quite a few writing projects on the go at the moment, on top of everything else, so I'm doing my best. But I'm trying to prioritise updating this so I don't leave you guys in the lurch!   
> I'm also working very hard on Magpie, I'm up to chapter 23 now, and although I have a lot of editing to do, it's going well and I'm very excited to share it with you all!   
> Anyway, hope you're all well, and I'll get around to replying to your lovely messages as soon as I can!   
> <3<3


	52. Chapter Fifty Two

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter contains: panic attacks, discussion of medication.

Anthony sat in his car, his phone pressed to his ear, his knee bouncing. He glanced towards the front of the hospital and winced, looking down at his lap. 

"Anthony? Darling, I'm at work, is everything okay?" Azra answered at last, his voice soft and worried. Anthony swallowed hard, suddenly feeling rather choked. 

"Uh...yeah, I um...I just had my heart check a-and...and it isn't great news, they put me on meds." 

Azra was quiet for a moment, then gave a soft sigh. "What did they say, darling?" 

"They said it's gotten worse, a-and it probably has something to do with me using drugs a-and...and I don't know what to do, I-" 

Anthony was working himself up to tears, but Azra interrupted gently, his voice calm. 

"Take a deep breath, Anthony. Come to the pharmacy, I'll fill your prescription and we'll take a look together, okay? John won't mind, it's a slow day today." 

"O-okay, I...I'm sorry, Azra, I'm...I'm sorry," Anthony mumbled, ignoring the hot tears as they spilled over and ran down his cheeks slowly. 

"Shush, there's nothing to be sorry for," Azra soothed, his voice gentle and loving. "Come see me, alright?"

"O-okay...I...I love you," Anthony managed, taking deep breaths in a vain attempt to calm himself down. 

"I love you too, darling. So, so much," Azra murmured, then gave a soft little sigh. "Get your cute butt over here, okay? I wanna give you a hug." 

"I need one," Anthony mumbled, pressing the heel of his hand against the bridge of his nose before reaching out and turning the key in the ignition. "I'll be about ten minutes."

"Alright, love. Drive safe." 

Anthony walked through the shop door and was immediately tackled in a hug, Azra's arms wrapping around him, soft lips assaulting his cheek. He eagerly leaned into the contact, letting out a deep sigh as Azra nuzzled his jaw, purring softly. 

"I've got you, darling," Azra said firmly, smiling against Anthony's skin. "Come on, let's get these meds." 

Anthony followed Azra to the counter as if in a dream, leaning against it while he slipped through the door. 

"Prescription?" Azra asked softly, and Anthony held out the paper in a shaking hand. 

"They told me what they were all for, but I wasn't really listening," he admitted quietly, handing over another piece of paper with information on it. Azra scanned the prescription, setting the information sheet aside without looking at it. 

"It's alright, love. I know what these are for," he said reassuringly, flashing his mate a quick smile. "I'll go get them first, okay?" 

Anthony nodded and tapped his fingers on the counter nervously while Azra hurried off. He could hear him rummaging around, and it was soothing, in an odd way. He liked seeing Azra at work, he liked being reminded how smart and capable his mate was, and it helped that he looked rather cute in his uniform. 

Azra walked back to him carrying two boxes, setting them down on the counter in front of Anthony. "Okay, darling. These ones help to open your blood vessels, that'll reduce the stress on your heart a little, and these ones are for treating arrhythmia. Did they say you had problems with your heartbeat?" 

Those blue eyes fixed on him and Anthony swallowed, nodding slightly. His mouth felt dry, his hands shaking. 

"Y-yeah, they said it was because of-" 

"I know," Azra soothed, reaching over the counter to cradle Anthony's soft cheek in his hand. "Shhh, darling. Deep breath. You're okay, yeah? They're putting you on meds because you don't need surgery, that's a good thing. We knew this was likely to happen, and they're keeping a close eye on you. It's alright, I promise. You'll be fine." 

Anthony managed a shaky nod and Azra smiled sympathetically before labelling the boxes and tucking them into a bag. 

"Eighteen pounds please, love," he murmured, and Anthony took a deep breath before scanning his card. Azra handed him the bag, but gently caught his wrist before he could even think of walking away. 

"I'll come for another hug, alright?" 

Anthony nodded shakily, waiting while Azra walked out from behind the counter, hurrying over to him. 

"You still look upset," he commented softly, pulling Anthony into his chest and stroking his hair. Slowly, Anthony wrapped his arms around Azra, trying not to cry as he buried his face in his mate's hair, his body trembling. 

"I'm sorry...I think it's just because I've been so stressed, I just...I'm sorry," he mumbled, and Azra clicked his tongue, squeezing Anthony tighter. 

"I know, darling. And there's nothing to be sorry for, I understand you're scared. That's natural. But I promise it's going to be okay, you're going to be fine. I love you, and I wouldn't lie." 

"I know," Anthony sniffed, pulling away and taking a deep breath, his hand finding Azra's stomach and taking comfort in the slight roundness there. "How are you feeling, anyway?" 

"Better," Azra smiled, eyes bright and soft. "She's been moving around a lot, but my back doesn't hurt as much." 

"Good. You're going to get so many cuddles tonight," Anthony chuckled shakily, and Azra pulled him down into a quick kiss. 

"I can't wait," he murmured, just as a customer walked in and he gave Anthony a longing look. "I should get back to work. I'll see you soon, yeah? Take a break from work today, don't stress yourself out even more. And take your pills." 

Anthony nodded, kissing Azra's cheek one last time before heading home. 

* * *

Anthony picked Emily up from school that afternoon and took her home, sitting her down with some sums while he watched TV. He didn't feel like doing anything. His panic had turned into an odd sort of numb feeling, and he just felt heavy and tired. 

After a while, Emily joined him on the sofa and they curled up together, watching cartoons until Anthony heard the key scrape in the lock and Azra's footsteps. 

A moment later, he had a gentle hand in his hair, Azra's soft voice filling his ears and relaxing him like nothing else could. 

"Hey, darling. Feeling better?" 

"Not really," he answered honestly, and Azra walked around to sit next to him, lifting Em into his lap and hugging her tightly while Anthony leaned into him. 

"Alright, well I'm here now," Azra pointed out gently, reaching over and tucking an errant lock of red hair back behind Anthony's ear. "Everything's okay, I promise." 

"Are you alright, Dad?" Emily asked curiously, turning her gaze to fix on Anthony. He sighed and nodded slightly, stroking her cheek. 

"Yeah, I just had a checkup today that didn't go very well, but I'm on medication to help." 

Emily nodded and slid off Azra's lap into Anthony's, curling up against his chest while staring at the TV screen once more. Anthony sighed to himself and rested his chin on the girl's head, hugging her tightly as he closed his eyes. 

Anthony sat back against the cabinets and watched tiredly as Emily scrawled on the tiles with bath paints. Azra was doing the washing up, so it was Anthony's turn to oversee bathtime, and it was already getting messy. 

He took a deep breath and focused on the feel of his heart beating in his chest, honing in on it until he could hear it in his ears. As concentrated as he was, he could hear the slight disturbance to the beat, and he shuddered, quickly shaking his head. 

"Dad, look!" 

His mouth dry, Anthony looked up at the dog Emily had drawn on the wall and forced a smile. 

"Good job, love," he mumbled, and Emily smiled to herself, patting the bubbles in front of her just as there was a light knock on the door and Azra poked his head into the bathroom. 

"Everything okay? Anthony, you look as white as a sheet," Azra commented, and Anthony nodded slightly, looking down at the floor. 

"Anthony, go lie down. I'll finish up, okay?" Azra ordered with a soft sigh, and Anthony stood up, holding onto the counter for support. 

"Yeah, okay. Thanks, angel." 

"No worries, darling," Azra murmured, kissing his cheek and squeezing his arm before he could leave the bathroom. Anthony just forced a small smile in answer and continued on, wandering to the bedroom and shedding his clothes before crawling into bed shakily. 

He buried his face in the pillow and just laid there, drifting in and out of consciousness until he finally felt a gentle hand on his back. 

"Anthony? Darling, you look like absolute shit, you're worrying me," Azra said softly, and Anthony grunted, rolling over and looking up at Azra to find him already shirtless. 

"Mm, I...I think I'm just really stressed," he mumbled, and Azra sighed, slipping his jeans off before climbing into bed beside his mate, his arm sliding around Anthony's waist before he could turn over to face him. 

"Can I do anything? Anything at all?" He murmured, his voice genuine, but also just a touch seductive. 

Anthony sighed and shook his head slightly, rubbing his hand down Azra's arm. "No, I don't think so. I'd...I'd like to cuddle. A lot. Like, with a lot of skin contact, but I don't feel like sex and unfortunately you can't finish my PhD for me." 

"No, I can't, but I'll happily get naked for you if that will make you feel better," Azra laughed, and Anthony found himself smiling again, already cheered up within two minutes of being alone with his mate. 

"God, I love you," he announced, turning over to face Azra and running a hand down his chest slowly. "I just wanna touch you," he added softly, and Azra smiled, flicking the main light off and leaving the dim fairy lights on so Anthony could still see what he was doing. 

"I want you to touch me," Azra purred, and Anthony grinned, gently guiding him onto his back and leaning over him. They kissed softly, the most natural thing in the world, sharing their joy and love and contentment. Then Anthony slid down, his lips finding Azra's neck, his hands always where his lips were, stroking, massaging, pressing against the omega's skin. Azra purred softly, his hand slipping into Anthony's hair, tangling with the soft strands as the alpha slid lower, mouthing over that perfect collarbone, his thumbs swiping over Azra's nipples. The omega gasped, his body jerking slightly, and Anthony hummed softly, running his hands down to stroke the curve of his belly, petting his skin and smiling up at him lovingly. 

"You are amazing," Anthony murmured, and Azra blushed, biting his lip as he stroked over Anthony's cheek lightly. 

"So are you," he smiled, and they both chuckled softly, Anthony surging back up to kiss his angel, his movements a little desperate, but always loving, always gentle. 

Azra kissed back softly, slowly, guiding his alpha to calm down, his hand stroking over his cheek. Anthony relaxed into Azra's lead, his hands rubbing up and down the omega's sides, slow and careful. Then he pulled away and dove back down, growling playfully as he nipped at the inside of Azra's thigh. 

Azra giggled softly, stroking Anthony's hair again as he gently massaged that soft flesh in his hands, lavishing attention on one of his favourite parts of his mate. Then he grinned up at Azra and kissed him again softly before rolling him over. 

Azra purred happily and Anthony ran his hands up the backs of those plush thighs to squeeze his backside, grinning when Azra giggled again. 

"You're fucking adorable," Anthony chuckled, giving that perfect flesh an ever so gentle slap, causing Azra to laugh again, wriggling underneath the alpha. 

"Hey!" 

"Couldn't resist," Anthony chuckled, stroking his hands down Azra's back before gently rolling him over again, pulling him into the slowest, softest kiss. It was all so perfect, so loving, so sweet, and neither of them wanted to stop. But eventually, Anthony's arms couldn't hold him up any longer and he dropped to the bed sleepily, cuddling up to his mate and stroking over his belly. 

Azra purred contentedly, his eyes half-lidded, and Anthony pulled him closer, hugging him tightly. 

"I love you, y'know," he mumbled, and Azra snorted, pressing his face into Anthony's neck.

"Mmm, as if I didn't know," he teased, then let out a contented little sigh. "I love you too. Do you feel a bit better?" 

Anthony hesitated only for a moment, then nodded. "Yeah, I feel less stressed. I needed this nice cuddle," he smiled, and Azra suddenly gasped, shifting slightly. "You okay?"

"Mm, big kick," Azra answered softly, and Anthony ran his hand down quickly, feeling the stirrings of their child, seeming weak from the outside. 

"I love being able to feel her," he hummed, and Azra nodded, stifling a yawn as he pressed closer to Anthony. 

"Me too. Even if she should be asleep by now," he chuckled, pulling the blanket up a little further and snuggling even closer to his mate. Anthony laughed softly and kissed the side of his head, his hand running up and down that plump side. 

"Get some sleep, angel. I'm feeling better, I promise." 

"Good," Azra said simply, smiling as he planted a soft kiss on Anthony's neck. Then Anthony let out a soft sigh and turned the lights off, settling back with his mate and closing his eyes. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heyy!  
> I hope you liked this one, it's full of fluffy comfort :) To be fair, the last chapters are basically all fluffy comfort loll  
> Anyway, as always, I'm reading and appreciating your comments, even if I'm not able to reply to all of them atm, and I hope you're all well and safe!  
> <3


	53. Chapter Fifty Three

Anthony was trembling slightly, struggling to tie his hair back, his fingers stiff and shaky. 

"Hey, let me," Azra soothed, walking up behind him in the mirror and gently pulling his hair back from his face. "You want a plait?" 

"Please," Anthony murmured, and Azra smiled sympathetically, finishing off the plait for him and kissing his cheek. 

"You're going to do so well, I know you are. Is this what you're wearing?" He asked softly, gently tugging at the hem of the suit jacket. Anthony winced and nodded slightly. 

"I...I don't want anything to be biased, you know?" 

"I understand, darling," Azra soothed, walking around in front of him and cupping his jaw in both hands. "Look at me. You are so, so smart, and you've worked so hard on this. You're going to be fine, all you have to do is talk about something you love. Think of it as just a conversation, okay? That's all it is," he smiled, kissing the corner of Anthony's lips. 

"If I get it, I'm going to wear that red dress to graduate," Anthony murmured, and Azra grinned, pulling the plait over his shoulder and smoothing it down with his hand. 

_ "When  _ you get it," he corrected softly, his thumb on Anthony's chin, his fingers curling against the underside of his jaw. "You're going to get your PhD today, darling. You are, I know you are. You've worked so hard and it's going to be fine. I'm going to be there waiting for you. Okay? I love you." 

"I love you too," Anthony murmured, his shoulders dropping slightly as his nerves began to fade, a soft smile playing at his lips. "Thank you, angel. You're good at pep talks," he chuckled, and Azra kissed him, then began to walk away, slapping Anthony's backside on the way. 

"Good, now come on, or we'll be late," he laughed, and Anthony rolled his eyes with a bright grin, turning to follow his rather round mate out of the bedroom. His oral exam had been pushed back a couple times, and Azra was now thirty one weeks pregnant and not particularly happy about it. He was getting more aches and pains and was quite needy, requiring lots of cuddles and comfort and long baths. Anthony didn't mind at all, and in fact quite enjoyed pampering his angel, despite how time consuming it could be.

But today was about him, and as he went downstairs, he grabbed his bag, following Azra out to the car. While Azra drove, Anthony went over his notes, his hands shaking ever so slightly. 

"You're going to be fine," Azra soothed as he pulled into the parking lot, and Anthony gave a soft chuckle in a rush of breath. 

"I know, I just...I'll be fine once I get in there." 

"I know," Azra smiled, leaning over to kiss his cheek before unbuckling his seatbelt. "I'll come wait with you, and when you get called in, I'll go to the coffee shop and sit down for a bit." 

"Alright," Anthony hummed, getting out of the car and swinging his bag onto his shoulder. He took Azra's hand quickly and they headed onto the campus, at a nice, slow pace. 

"I think she's going to be bigger than Emily," Azra commented after a minute or two, his tone suggesting that he'd been trying to find something to say to distract Anthony. "I don't remember being this tired with Em." 

"I think I was quite a big baby," Anthony mused, glad to have something else to think about. Azra smiled, squeezing his hand as they headed towards the building. 

"I can imagine. I bet you were cute," he chuckled, and Anthony shook his head, smiling to himself as he opened the door for his mate. 

"No, I was a wrinkly-potato type baby," he grinned, and Azra laughed, taking Anthony's hand again as they walked down the corridor. There was a chair outside the office, so Anthony held Azra's hand as the omega sat down, adjusting his shirt carefully. 

"I swear she gets bigger every time I leave the house just to ruin my clothing choices," he joked, and Anthony snorted, crouching down so he could lean back against the wall and rub Azra's thigh. 

As soon as he touched him, Anthony felt a flash of Azra's confidence and pride, his absolute certainty that Anthony would do well. The alpha smiled to himself just as the door opened. 

"Anthony? Come on in." 

* * *

Anthony opened the door to the coffee shop and spotted his mate in the corner, drinking out of a paper cup and reading one of the countless baby books he'd coerced Anthony into getting him from the library. Anthony had tried to point out that he'd done it all once before, so he shouldn't need so many books, but it hadn't worked. 

He smiled to himself as he walked over, still feeling a bit dazed. 

Azra looked up as soon as he pulled the chair out, his eyes soft, his smile confident. "How was it?" 

"There were no corrections," Anthony answered quietly, unable to keep the smile off his face. He'd wanted to play a little joke on Azra and pretend that he hadn't gotten it, but he was far too excited. He'd spent so long working for this, so long hoping and worrying and stressing himself, and it was finally over. 

"Jesus, Anthony! That's great!" Azra grinned, pulling him into a quick kiss. "I knew you'd get it, but I didn't know you'd pass with flying colours! We have to go out tonight!"

Anthony laughed happily, letting the joy wash over him at last, breaking down the barrier of shock. He wanted to burst out with the even better news, but he wanted to save it. After all, it wasn't definite yet, and he didn't want Azra to get excited for nothing. 

But he was desperate to tell his mate that his department had been so impressed with the quality of his work and his teaching that they'd offered him a full-time teaching job. His  _ dream job.  _ It still had to be checked over by everyone in the department, but his chances were good, and he couldn't keep the excitement down, feeling rather restless. 

"I'll get my proper degree in a couple weeks, there's a ceremony and stuff," Anthony grinned, taking Azra's hand and squeezing it tightly. "I probably won't go, but-" 

"What? Why not?" Azra interrupted quickly, frowning slightly, and Anthony shrugged. 

"It's like four hours, I don't think you should be sitting for four hours when you're two weeks from your due date, and I don't want to go without you. I'll pick it up the next day instead." 

"Anthony, I can-" 

Anthony cradled Azra's hand in both of his, shaking his head as he leaned closer to his mate. "You'd be uncomfortable and it wouldn't be good for you or the baby. You've been having such bad cramps lately, I'd feel awful if you had to sit there in pain."

Azra sighed, gently pulling his hand from Anthony's. "Okay, if you're sure," he mumbled, tucking his book back in Anthony's bag before flashing the alpha a bright smile. "Let's go home, I could do with a cuddle." 

Anthony shook off the worry and stood up with his mate, wrapping an arm around him for extra support. Azra chuckled, handing him his bag and the car keys. 

"I'm not that fat yet, I can manage to walk," he grinned, and Anthony kissed his cheek softly. 

"I know, angel. It's more because I want to hold you than anything else," he admitted, his cheeks flushing slightly as they walked out into the crisp air. "Am I driving home, then?" 

"Yes, drive me home,  _ Doctor  _ Crowley," Azra purred, and Anthony's eyes widened, a bright smile spreading across his face. 

"That sounds good, huh?" 

"It sounds perfect," Azra agreed, squeezing him gently as they started up the hill towards the car park. Halfway up, Azra had to take a short break, and Anthony stood with him, rubbing his back slowly. 

"Have you taken your vitamins?" He asked his mate quietly, and Azra nodded, leaning against a lamppost as he tried to get his breath. Anthony pulled him into a gentle embrace instead, smiling when Azra burrowed into his chest gratefully, shielding himself from a sudden chilly breeze. They just stood there for a moment, simply being together, before Azra broke away carefully, wordlessly continuing the climb. 

Once they got in the car, Anthony took Azra's hand, squeezing it gently as he pulled out of the parking lot. 

"You don't seem as happy as I expected," Azra commented quietly after just a moment or two, and Anthony glanced at him in surprise. 

"Yeah, I um...I think I'm still a bit in shock, to be honest," he smiled, taking a deep breath. "And it's...it's mostly just a huge relief, you know?" 

Azra nodded, going quiet as Anthony drove. After a couple of minutes, Anthony noticed him looking uncomfortable and frowned, squeezing his hand gently. 

"Hey, you okay?" 

Azra winced, shifting slightly in his seat and leaning his head against the window. "I feel really sick," he mumbled, and Anthony sighed, nodding slightly. 

"Okay, angel. We're five minutes from home, okay? Just hang in there and you can have a lovely lay down and cuddle when we get home." 

* * *

Azra crawled into bed, groaning as he flopped down, pressing his face into the pillow. Anthony sighed worriedly and climbed onto the bed, kneeling beside his partner and starting to undo his belt, slipping his jeans off with the ease of practice and tossing them over the side of the bed before tucking some extra pillows around Azra's stomach to support his back. 

"How's that?" He asked softly, and Azra grunted, opening one bright blue eye. 

"Mm. Better, thank you," he mumbled, then reached out and gently pulled at Anthony's tie. "I think I have an appointment with my doctor, though." 

Anthony chuckled and rolled his eyes, leaning down to kiss his mate lightly. "Let me change, angel." 

"Mm, better for snuggling," Azra smiled, rubbing a hand over his belly slowly. Nodding, Anthony slid off the bed again, quickly undressing and wincing when Azra groaned. 

"Do you need me to get a bin or something in case you're sick?" Anthony asked, hurrying back to the side of the bed and rubbing Azra's ribs lightly. "I'm worried about you." 

"No, I just...I feel like I'm gonna be sick, but I don't think I am." 

"You want cuddles or alone time?" Anthony murmured, and Azra grabbed at his hand shakily. 

"Definitely cuddles." 

Still a bit worried, Anthony climbed into bed with his mate, curling up beside him and starting to stroke his hair slowly and gently, keeping a soothing rhythm that made Azra smile. 

"I love you, angel. I'm sorry you're feeling shit," Anthony sighed, and Azra opened his eyes again briefly, his smile a bit weak. 

"I was going to say that it's not your fault, but...it kind of is," he joked, and Anthony snorted, kissing him softly. 

"True. I apologise, but at least it's not much longer."

"And we'll have a lovely baby girl out of it," Azra agreed, his eyes slipping closed again as Anthony kept stroking his hair, their faces inches apart. After a few minutes, Azra's breathing began to deepen, his body relaxing. Anthony could tell he wasn't quite asleep, but it seemed as if his nausea was fading, allowing him to let go of his tension a little more. 

He ran the backs of his fingers over Azra's cheek, chuckling softly when the omega grunted and pressed his face against the pillow. 

"Better?" 

"A little. I think it's because I stopped moving," Azra mumbled, and Anthony pressed closer to him, kissing the tip of his nose lightly. 

"Good. I love you." 

"I love you too," Azra smiled, his eyes still closed as Anthony wrapped an arm around him, letting their foreheads rest together as Azra relaxed even further and slowly began to drift off. 

* * *

By the time Emily got out of school, Azra was still sound asleep, so Anthony picked her up and took her home, settling her down with some drawing before going up to check on Azra. Anthony found the bed empty and frowned for a second, then realised the bathroom door was shut and walked over, knocking lightly. 

"Anthony?" 

"Yeah, it's me, angel," Anthony murmured, and heard a soft sigh. 

"Come in." 

The handle turned easily and Anthony slipped into the bathroom, shutting the door behind him when he saw Azra in the bath, looking quite pale and miserable. 

"Oh, angel, are you not feeling better?" He asked worriedly, and Azra sighed, shaking his head slightly. 

"I just threw up," he said quietly, sinking further into the water and closing his eyes. "I feel better now that I have, but...I just feel achy and tired."

"Do we need to call the doctor?" Anthony murmured, kneeling by the tub and leaning his side against it as he reached out to take Azra's hand. 

"Mm, no, I'm okay. I had this with Em," Azra sighed, lacing their fingers as Anthony leaned further over the tub, pulling his sleeve up out of the way before stroking over Azra's stomach. Azra winced, gently brushing his hand away, lifting it to his lips and kissing his mate's knuckles instead. 

"She always kicks when you touch me," he mumbled, exhausted blue eyes opening and fixing on Anthony. "And that's the last thing I need right now." 

Anthony smiled and reached up, stroking Azra's cheek instead and cradling his jaw. "I love you, angel. You're so,  _ so _ amazing. So strong," he murmured, his lips finding Azra's cheek easily. The omega smiled properly at last, his eyelids fluttering, a soft exhale passing his lips. 

"God, I love you too," he murmured, just as there was an erratic knock on the door. 

"Hold on, Em!" Anthony called quickly, and Azra rolled his eyes, then made a shooing gesture. 

"Go, keep her company. I'll be down in about ten minutes." 

"Are you sure you're alright?" Anthony asked quickly, still worried. 

"Yeah, I'm fine," Azra soothed, smiling softly. "I feel a lot better, actually. I think having you around really helps." 

"Good. Come down when you're ready, angel." 

"Okay, Doctor Crowley," Azra grinned, and Anthony kissed him, and kissed him, until he finally had to pull away to go play with their daughter. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! I hope you liked this one!   
> I promise I'll get around to the comments I haven't replied to at some point!   
> I have a lot of schoolwork to do at the moment so it's a bit busy for me, but I'm doing my best to keep up.   
> I hope you're all well and staying safe! ♡♡♡


	54. Chapter Fifty Four

Anthony was sick. 

He knew it as soon as he woke, a few days after getting his degree, his throat raw and scratchy, his nose completely congested. Groaning, he rolled over and found the bed empty, whining to himself quietly. He already felt desperately in need of a cuddle. 

Anthony tried to swallow and winced at the pain, quickly sitting up and clutching his fuzzy head as he just sat there for a moment. Then he heaved himself up and stumbled into the bathroom, rummaging around until he found some cold medicine. He took it quickly, then wandered back to bed, diving into the soft sheets and grabbing his phone. 

A minute or two later, the bedroom door swung open and Azra walked in, frowning when he saw Anthony. 

"Oh, darling. You do look pale," he murmured, hurrying over as fast as he could waddle and sitting down on the edge of the bed slowly and awkwardly. Anthony groaned and pressed the heel of his hand against his forehead. 

"I feel like shit, angel," he rasped, and Azra nodded, reaching over and stroking his cheek soothingly. 

"I'm sorry, darling. It's all that stress, your body is all run-down. Would you like a nice cuddle?" 

Anthony nodded, pouting slightly and letting out a deep sigh as Azra walked to the other side of the bed and climbed in laboriously, slowly laying himself down in front of his mate. 

"No kisses, just in case," Anthony murmured, and Azra laughed, kissing his cheek softly. 

"I'm on the most ridiculous concoction of vitamins, love, I don't think I could get sick if I tried," he hummed, shifting even closer and wrapping his arm around Anthony's waist. "Come here, darling. Come on. I love you." 

"I love you too," Anthony mumbled despondently, moving closer, as close as he could get with their child between them, his face pressed into Azra's neck. After a moment, his eyes snapped open and he pulled away hurriedly, frowning. 

"Azra? I...I can't smell you! O-or the baby!" He choked out, and Azra tried to grab his hand as he sat up, already shaking. "Is the baby alright? I can normally smell her with your scent a-and I c-can't, I-" 

"Anthony, love, it's because you're sick," Azra cut in gently, but firmly. "Lay down, darling. Take a deep breath, the baby's fine. I felt her moving just a minute ago, at her usual time, okay? It's just because your nose is blocked." 

Anthony blinked, the blinding panic subsiding as he sank back to the bed, his heart still beating fast in his chest. "I...I'm.." 

"It's alright, shh," Azra soothed, smiling softly as he pulled his mate closer, stroking his beautiful hair. "Calm down, it's alright. I'm right here, you can touch me and see me, yeah? And you can feel our baby, just wait for her to move again later. I know it's a bit disconcerting, but it's okay. It's alright," Azra went on softly, resting his forehead against Anthony's as the alpha shuddered, his throat hurting even more, his whole body aching. 

He needed comfort. He needed that sweet scent to ease the pain, to relax him despite his illness, but he could barely breathe at all, let alone through his nose. 

Curling himself around Azra's stomach, Anthony pressed himself as close as he could get to his mate, hearing Azra's soft, soothing humming as he buried his face in the omega's neck. 

"Try to relax, maybe get some more sleep," Azra murmured, and Anthony's heart leapt when he felt a very light kick against his stomach, pressed up to Azra.

"She's okay," he breathed tiredly, and Azra nodded, squeezing him gently. 

"She's fine, darling. She's going to be delivered in a few weeks and she's going to be perfect and healthy and happy." 

"Please don't stop talking to me," Anthony murmured, and Azra let out a soft sigh, stroking Anthony's hair slowly, his warmth making his mate feel ten times more comfortable, even without that scent he needed so desperately. 

"I'm not going anywhere, darling. I'd normally be stocking shelves right now. Thank God for pregnancy leave, hmm?" Azra smiled, and Anthony burrowed even further into his arms, his eyes watering when he tried to swallow and a flare of pain ripped through his throat. "I'm going to spend so much time lazing around with you until the baby comes. So much cuddling and watching movies and taking baths. You've just got to get healthy again to enjoy it." 

Anthony answered with a simple, quiet groan, and Azra snorted, squeezing him briefly. 

"Did you take some meds?" 

Anthony grunted and Azra hooked his leg around one of Anthony's, guiding it between his legs to help support his extra weight. 

"Good. Try to sleep, maybe?" 

"I am," Anthony grumbled, and Azra sighed, running a hand up and down his back slowly before starting to sing ever so softly. 

It was a lovely little lullaby, one Anthony had heard Azra sing to Emily once or twice, when the omega hadn't known he was waiting outside their daughter's bedroom door. And hearing it now was just perfect. 

Anthony could feel the tension melting from his muscles, his pain becoming much easier to bear. He nuzzled at Azra's neck, pressing a soft kiss to his skin, then settled back into the pillows and focused on breathing deeper until he finally drifted off. 

* * *

Anthony stirred, feeling warmth beside him, around him, weight on his waist. He could hear the tv playing quietly, but something wasn't right. 

He opened his eyes slowly, then suddenly pulled away from- 

His panic slipped away as fast as it had come, his brain catching up and reminding him of what had happened earlier. He wasn't in bed with a stranger: it was Azra, he just didn't smell right. Or at all. 

"It's alright, darling," Azra smiled, gently pulling him back in. Anthony hesitated for only a moment, then nuzzled up to his omega again, his hand unconsciously sliding down over Azra's belly protectively. 

"She's still alright," Azra soothed, his hand gently cradling the back of his mate's head. "How are you feeling?" 

"Awful." 

"I'll make you a cup of tea and something nice to eat in a bit, okay?" Azra murmured, and Anthony nodded, turning his face into Azra's skin, pressing himself up against that warmth, as close as possible. 

He needed as much comfort as he could get, and without Azra's scent to wash over him, to dull every pain, to relax every tension, he was left with barely anything to help him. 

"Anthony, I'm not going anywhere, darling," Azra said gently, and Anthony just pressed closer, taking a slow breath. 

"I know, I just...I love you, I'm sorry for being so clingy, I just...I don't feel good," he mumbled, and Azra nodded slightly, then gently started to untangle himself. 

"I'm going to make you some food, okay? Why don't you come sit on the couch while I cook?"

Anthony groaned, but nodded, slowly letting go of Azra and sitting up. Azra started to scoot towards the edge of the bed, grunting with the effort, and Anthony forced himself up quickly, hurrying over to take his mate's arm, gently helping him to his feet. 

Blushing, Azra ran a hand down his stomach and leaned into Anthony, his beautiful blue eyes soft. 

"Thanks. I'm getting stiff again," he admitted quietly, and Anthony sighed, holding his hand as he started towards the door. 

"I can see that, angel. Is there anything I can do?" 

"No, you focus on getting better, I'm doing okay," Azra smiled, squeezing Anthony's hand tightly and gently leading him from the room. "I'll make you that mac and cheese you like and some tea and we'll watch something on tv to relax, how does that sound?" 

Anthony nodded, wandering down the stairs in a daze and falling onto the couch. Azra tucked a blanket around him, kissed his cheek, and headed off into the kitchen. 

After a moment or two, Anthony heard him start to sing, his beautiful, clear voice making him feel relaxed all over again. Smiling to himself, Anthony slowly laid down and closed his eyes, just listening and enjoying the way Azra sang so absentmindedly, so happily while he was cooking. 

In fact, it was so soothing that Anthony drifted off again, waking up with a jolt when he felt his shoulder being shaken gently. 

"Anthony, sit up, darling," Azra murmured, his fingers stroking through those soft curls. Grunting, Anthony opened his eyes slowly, squinting at his mate, who smiled and showed him the bowl. 

"Come on. I made it with extra paprika, just the way you like," Azra encouraged softly, and Anthony dragged himself up, every muscle in his body aching. He took the bowl with a rasped thank you, leaning into Azra as soon as he sat beside him, his own bowl in his hands. Azra turned the tv on and picked some random rerun for background noise while they both started to eat. Anthony found it difficult, his throat still feeling as if someone had poured acid into it, but the heat was somewhat soothing, and the pasta was absolutely delicious. 

He managed to finish off the bowl and set it aside, cuddling up to Azra immediately. The omega chuckled to himself and wrapped an arm around him, kissing the top of his head. 

"Hey. Better?" 

"A little," Anthony sighed, and Azra squeezed him gently. 

"Good. Do you want to go back upstairs for a bit, or stay down here?" 

Anthony shifted, nuzzling at his mate's neck and pressing a soft kiss to his pale skin. "Mm, which would you rather? I want you to be comfortable," he answered, his voice still hoarse, and Azra stroked his cheek slowly, his touch ever so gentle and tender. 

"Hmm, I think it would be nice to lay down, and I'm a bit too wide for us to both fit on the couch at the moment," he pointed out, and Anthony sat up quickly, still wanting to do his best to make his mate comfortable. 

"Let's go then." 

After a slow trip up the stairs, with plenty of Anthony gently supporting Azra, they made it to the bedroom and climbed back into bed, curling up together comfortably. Anthony still felt awful, but it was so lovely being pressed up against his mate, one arm around his huge stomach. There was something so satisfying about being there, about holding Azra and just solidifying his place in Azra's life. He shifted slightly and Azra let out a happy little sigh, his body relaxed and his hand stroking over Anthony's forearm slowly. 

"We still haven't talked about names," Anthony said softly, while Azra was flicking through Netflix. 

The omega set the remote down and rolled over slowly, moving his cushion under his belly and smiling at his mate. "We haven't, no. Do you have any ideas?" 

Anthony blushed and looked down, gently pulling Azra's shirt up and resting his hand on that taut skin, fingers spread. "Um...well, this might sound a bit weird, but I was wondering if maybe her middle name could be Ben or Benjamin. If...if she turns out not to be a she later in life, she'd have an option, a-and...well, with Ben.." Anthony trailed off awkwardly, not making eye contact with Azra, who slowly leaned in and pressed a soft kiss to his jaw. 

"That sounds perfect," he murmured, and Anthony visibly relaxed, a slight smile tugging at his lips, a light blush gracing his cheeks. "Do we want a hyphenated last name?" 

"No," Anthony answered promptly, then blushed even darker. "I um...I was thinking about this a lot, and I think maybe she should have the same last name as Emily. I want Em to feel like they're not half siblings, I want them to be close." 

Azra stared at Anthony for a moment, then smiled softly and reached out, resting a hand on his cheek gently. "I would like a hyphen," he murmured, his eyes soft. "Because I think we should all do it," he added, his smile widening, his eyes a bit misty. "I want all of us to have the same last name, I've been meaning to talk to you about it. You'll be able to adopt Em fairly soon, and I've mentioned it to her, and she said she'd be happy to have Crowley added to her name. And we're mated now, I...I think I'd like to add your name to mine. I...I want everyone I meet to know that I have you, that I have such a perfect, loving, amazing mate." 

Anthony smiled shakily, sniffling a bit as his gaze flickered down to Azra's lips briefly. "Fuck, I really want to kiss you." 

"Not allowed," Azra teased, stroking Anthony's hair back from his face slowly. "How would you feel about that?" 

"I would love it, Azra," Anthony said, almost before the omega had finished his question. "So all we need is a first name," he added, and Azra began to stroke his hand up and down Anthony's side slowly. 

"What if we had another 'E' name?" He suggested softly, finding Anthony's hand and massaging his knuckles lightly. "We both have 'A' names, it might be cute to continue the pattern." 

Anthony chuckled, turning his hand to squeeze Azra's, their fingers lacing together easily, holding one another. "Mm, yeah. Eleanor?" 

"Nope," Azra said simply. "I like names that are easy to shorten, and besides, it doesn't really go with the rest of it." 

"Yeah, true," Anthony mused, closing his eyes as he thought. 

"Evelyn?" Azra murmured, and Anthony wrinkled his nose slightly. 

"That was my grandmother's name, and she was transphobic," he answered, and Azra snorted, shaking his head slightly. 

"Not that one, then. Eva? That's short and sweet."

"Seems a bit short in conjunction with the rest, though, doesn't it?" Anthony hummed, then smiled to himself. "Esmerelda. Shortens to Esme really easily," he pointed out, and Azra seemed to think for a moment. 

"Esmerelda Benjamin Fell-Crowley. I mean...it kind of has a rhythm to it. I don't think anything is going to sound great with Fell-Crowley tacked onto the end, anyway," he laughed, and Anthony snorted, shaking his head slightly. 

"It's just a bit cumbersome, yeah." 

"Esme," Azra smiled, snuggling closer to his mate and running his hand over his stomach. "I like it, a lot." 

"Our little Esme," Anthony purred, sliding his hand over Azra's and pulling him closer, cuddling up to him happily. Azra let out a soft, contented little sigh, and relaxed, the baby's movements soothing both of them as they just laid there together, enjoying such a perfect quiet moment. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you guys liked this one!   
> Only one more to go ;-;   
> It's going to feel really weird not posting this anymore, but I'm super excited for Magpie and really thankful for all your support and lovely comments!  
> <3<3


	55. Chapter Fifty Five

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter contains: sexual content, non-graphic birth scene.

A couple of weeks later, Anthony was fully recovered and had picked up his doctorate, which Azra had gotten framed for him and was now hanging next to his master's. Azra was off work officially, and was exhausted constantly. 

Little Esme was beginning to put rather a lot of pressure on his body, making his back hurt, his organs pressed for space, and making it almost impossible for him to tie his own shoes. Anthony teased him quite a bit, but always while gently helping him, so Azra didn't mind, and he knew he was being irritable, so he felt he should allow a bit of teasing just to level the playing field. 

One morning he woke up having slept awkwardly, his back aching, his whole body feeling heavy and stiff. Anthony gently got him out of bed and encouraged him to get outside and take a walk for some fresh air and exercise. They only made it halfway to the co-op before Azra got too tired to keep going, so Anthony took him home and sat down with him, both of them reading quietly for a while. 

Eventually, though, Azra got tired of reading and wandered upstairs, climbing back into bed. He curled up comfortably, closing his eyes just as he heard footsteps and the bed sank, Anthony's scent finding his nostrils and making him smile even as he leaned over the edge of unconsciousness. 

"Cuddle?" 

Azra made an affirmative noise, and purred as he was hugged, Anthony's body warm and familiar against his own. 

"I'm worried about you, angel," Anthony admitted softly, and Azra opened his eyes slowly, finding himself faced with Anthony's collarbone. 

"Mmm, I'm okay. This is the same as it was when I had Emily," Azra answered softly, feeling Anthony's fingertips tracing up and down his spine slowly. "I'll be okay, I've only got another week to go," he added, and Anthony nodded, holding him a little tighter. 

"True. I can't wait to meet her." 

"Me neither," Azra purred happily, nuzzling closer to his mate and mumbling his thanks when Anthony tucked an extra pillow under Azra's stomach. 

"Love you," Anthony smiled, his soft hair tickling Azra's cheek as his grip tightened on his mate. 

"Mm, move your hair," Azra giggled, and Anthony chuckled, flicking his hair back over his shoulder. 

"Better?" 

"Mm, yeah. I love you again now," Azra teased, and Anthony gently smacked his backside. 

"Naughty," Anthony growled, and Azra rolled his eyes, wincing as he shifted. 

"Shit, my back hurts.." 

"Let me massage it for you," Anthony said quickly, gently starting to pull away from his mate. "I got you one of those special cushions." 

Blinking, Azra tried to sit up, but Anthony gently pushed him back down, clicking his tongue. 

"No, relax, angel," he insisted softly, and Azra smiled faintly, watching in sleepy confusion as Anthony walked to the cupboard and pulled a c-shaped cushion down from the shelf. He placed this next to Azra and patted it lightly. 

"Come lie with your belly here," he murmured, flashing Azra a bright smile. "It'll support you and I can give you a proper massage."

Azra smiled at the idea, hauling himself upright just long enough to slip his shirt off, then rolling over carefully, using the cushion as Anthony had described. 

"Mm, comfy," he mumbled as Anthony placed a pillow under his head carefully, stroking his fluffy blond curls. 

"Good," Anthony answered softly, opening the bedside drawer to pull out a small bottle of lavender-scented massage oil. They kept it for special occasions, those times when they wanted to get really intimate, and Azra could smell it as soon as Anthony took the top off. The scent made him smile, relaxing even further as the warm, soft memories flooded back: of having Anthony's hands on him, lips on his skin, soft praises and compliments in his ears. 

"Ready?" 

Azra hummed approval, closing his eyes happily in eager anticipation. "Please." 

Oil was smoothed over his back, causing him to shudder slightly and give a soft little groan. Above him, Anthony chuckled fondly, beginning straight in at Azra's lower back, the main source of his discomfort. 

Azra whined softly, reaching down to stroke his stomach as the baby stirred. "Fuck, that's good," he mumbled, and Anthony chuckled again, pushing a little harder at the knots in Azra's back and causing him to moan out contentedly. 

"Is that good, love? Hmm?" Anthony purred, moving a little further up and digging his thumbs in. "You deserve it, don't you? Doing all that work carrying our baby around constantly."

Azra grinned to himself, nuzzling at his pillow lightly as he shifted. "Mm, it's all your fault, so now you have to make it up to me." 

Anthony laughed, leaning down to kiss Azra's cheek softly. "You're not wrong there. Tell me if I miss any spots, yeah?" 

"Okay," Azra mumbled blissfully, shifting slightly and letting out a happy sigh. 

Anthony purred, leaning down over his mate and kissing his cheek, his hands running up to Azra's shoulders. "My beautiful angel. My perfect mate," he murmured, causing Azra to smile contentedly, shifting position again to give Anthony easier access to his cheek. 

"I feel like a beached whale," he complained softly, unabashedly fishing with plenty of bait. Anthony took it, not caring. 

"Mm, definitely not," he soothed, stroking down his mate's sides before slowly wiping the excess oil away with a towel. "You look just as sexy as ever to me, angel," he went on softly, gently helping Azra roll onto his back and moving the cushion away before spreading his legs gently. "You want me to prove it?" 

Azra grinned, nodding slightly, and Anthony chuckled, gently gripping the waistband of Azra's sweatpants and helping him wriggle them down. He tossed them away then leaned over Azra again, kissing him softly. 

"Legs up for me, angel," Anthony purred, and Azra did as he was told, bending his knees so his feet were flat on the bed, legs open. 

Anthony grinned, sliding a hand down between them teasingly, starting to rub Azra through his underwear. "What a good omega for me," Anthony praised, and Azra grinned, pulling him down into a sloppy, happy, loving kiss as he began to really work at it, causing waves of pleasure to wash over Azra, his breath hitching and needy. 

Anthony suddenly pulled away and slid down all in one go, tugging Azra's underwear away and tossing it over the edge of the bed before diving straight in. Azra cried out, his back arching slightly, his hand immediately finding his alpha's hair as hot lips wrapped around his cock, a tongue swirling, fingertips already teasing his entrance. 

Azra could feel Anthony spreading his entrance open slightly, fingers gently rubbing at his walls just inside him. Azra tugged on Anthony's hair gently, letting out a long, needy whine just before two fingers plunged all the way into him, causing him to swear loudly, a happy, encouraging moan following the outburst. Anthony began to bob his head slightly, sucking Azra off with every sign of eager enjoyment. Azra let out a long, high-pitched whine, using his grip on Anthony's hair to push his head closer. Anthony hummed and Azra bucked, moaning obscenely, crying out his mate's name as that tongue flicked faster, fingers reaching deeper, moving quicker, rubbing over Azra's most sensitive, pleasurable spots. 

Whimpering, Azra tried his best not to pull on Anthony's hair, his head tipping back as he gasped Anthony's name over and over, warning him shakily. 

Anthony hummed and Azra came with a squeal, bucking as fingers slid through him, not slowing the way Anthony usually did, instead keeping the same pace as Azra writhed, gasping and panting for breath. The pleasure was almost too much, his whole body trembling, his lungs barely able to fill as he panted heavily. He couldn't think, he could only feel the pleasure, his body rocking, his mouth open wide. Just as he began to come down from his first orgasm, he came again, unable to even make a sound as his body jerked, his hips bucking again and again and again.

Anthony purred, this time slowing and easing him through it, gentle and careful as Azra fell back to the bed, panting and shaking. Anthony sat up, grinning and holding up his hand. His fingers were coated with thick fluid, a milky white, and as Azra watched in shock, he opened his mouth and slipped his fingers inside, his eyes closing happily as he sucked them clean. 

"Oh _fuck,"_ Azra whined, and Anthony chuckled, leaning down and pulling Azra into a deep kiss, letting him taste his own sweetness on his partner's tongue. And then he was pulling away and cleaning up, and Azra just closed his eyes, focusing on breathing deeper, his whole body trembling. Anthony gently laid his legs down and pulled a blanket over him, then laid down beside him, stroking over his belly slowly. 

"I don't think I've ever actually...came like that before," Azra admitted softly, his voice a little hesitant. 

"You mean the double orgasm or the ejaculate?" 

"Both," Azra chuckled, rolling over to face his mate and hugging him tightly. He buried his face in Anthony's neck, hiding his burning cheeks as Anthony snorted. 

"Well, you've ejaculated before," he purred, kissing Azra's cheek lightly. "I've tasted it, but it was never so much." 

"God, I'm gonna melt from embarrassment," Azra giggled, and Anthony hugged him tighter. 

"Don't be embarrassed, angel. It's natural and sexy, and I love seeing you cum. It wasn't too much, was it?" 

Azra shook his head quickly, nuzzling closer and letting out a contented sigh. "Fuck no, it was perfect. Thank you, darling." 

"Anytime," Anthony chuckled, stroking Azra's hair lightly. "I love you." 

"Mm. I love you too." 

After a while, Azra got up on shaky legs to clean up, waving away Anthony's offers of help. It only took him a few minutes, anyway, and then he was climbing back into bed, his soft pajamas covering his legs as he curled up in front of his mate. 

Anthony smiled sleepily, reaching up to stroke his cheek slowly, his touch ever so soft and tender. "Do you feel a bit more sexy now?" 

"Mm, just a bit," Azra grinned, just as Anthony's phone rang. He groaned and sat up, grabbing for it quickly and hesitating when he saw the caller ID. Azra opened his mouth to ask him who it was, but Anthony was already answering it, his voice soft with nerves. 

"Hello?...yeah, I've been expecting a call...okay. Thank you...I'd be delighted. Thank you for calling. Have a good day." 

Anthony hung up and looked down at his lap for a moment, then at his mate, his eyes misty with tears. 

"I got a job, angel," he said softly, and Azra frowned, reaching out to rub his thigh slowly. "At the university. I'm gonna be a lecturer." 

Azra went blank for a moment, then hauled himself up and flung his arms around Anthony. "Jesus Christ, I'm proud of you! That's like...your dream job, isn't it?" 

Anthony grinned, hugging Azra tightly and burying his face in the omega's neck happily. "Y-yeah...I'm gonna cry," he chuckled, and Azra laughed, squeezing him tightly. 

"That's okay, darling. You're gonna be such a good lecturer, you're an amazing teacher," he murmured, and Anthony sniffed, his fingers tangling in Azra's hair lightly. 

"Fuck, this has been a good day," he chuckled, and Azra felt the warm tears on his neck as Anthony stifled a sob. 

"It really has, darling. It has," Azra murmured lovingly, and Anthony's fingertips dug into his back gently, clinging on tightly. "I'm so, so proud of you. You worked so hard and you did so well. You deserve all of this." 

Anthony sobbed this time, soft and shaky, fingers curling even more, and Azra just held him, smiling to himself as he just basked in all the emotion, both his own and the transference from his mate. 

"I love you, darling." 

* * *

That night, Azra woke in the dark, something feeling off. He turned his head sleepily, blinking at the clock on the bedside table. It was four in the morning, and pitch black, but he could hear Anthony snoring softly beside him, even if he couldn't see or feel him. 

Frowning, Azra turned over slowly, trying to figure out what could have woken him. Just as he turned, he felt an odd sensation in his stomach. It was dreadfully familiar, and he sat up hurriedly, gasping as he felt heat spreading out between his legs - warm and wet. 

He didn't panic, stroking over his skin slowly as he reached out and gently shook Anthony awake. The alpha woke with a grunt, trying to slap him away, his eyes firmly closed. 

"Go back to sleep," he mumbled, and Azra winced. 

"Anthony, darling. My water broke," Azra said softly, and Anthony froze for a moment before his eyes snapped open. He sat up immediately, fumbling to turn the light on and throwing the duvet back to see the wet patch on the bed. 

"Oh _fuck,"_ he muttered, and Azra managed a soft laugh, despite how shaky and nervous he felt. 

"It's alright, I haven't had any-" 

He was about to say contractions, but cut himself off with a low groan as pain suddenly washed through him, his whole body feeling that cramping sensation. Anthony was practically vibrating with anxiety, so Azra reached out and gently grabbed at his arm. 

"Get the bag! A-and wake Em! I'll...I'll get changed," he forced out, and Anthony nodded, jumping out of bed and hurrying off. Azra got up slowly, uncertainly, leaning against the walls as he walked to the dresser, the pain already subsiding. He quickly changed his trousers to some soft, dry sweats, then waddled back to the damp bed, picking his phone up quickly. 

Dialing the number only took a moment, and he sank down onto the dry side of the mattress as he listened to the phone ringing. On the third ring, there was a click, and a bleary voice. 

"Azra? Is she coming?" Anathema mumbled, and Azra shifted, trying to get comfortable. 

"Yeah, Anthony is just getting everything ready now," he said quietly, rubbing his skin slowly and soothingly as he felt the baby shifting. "Would you be able to come here? I think it's going to be a while, so maybe you could take Em back to yours to sleep?" 

"Yeah, of course," Anathema answered softly, a smile in her voice. "It's going to be alright, yeah?" 

"Yeah, I'm not too nervous," Azra admitted with a soft little chuckle. "Anthony is already losing it." 

"Of course," Anathema chuckled, and Azra heard Newt's voice in the background. "I'll be about twenty minutes, okay? If you need to head to the hospital, take Em with you and just text me and I'll meet you there." 

"Alright, thank you." 

Everything from there until the hospital became a bit of a blur for Azra. The contractions escalated much quicker than they had with Emily, his body now practiced and experienced. 

By the time they arrived at the hospital and were given a room, however, Azra was still a long way off from bringing his daughter into the world, so he changed into the gown he was given and settled himself into one of the recommended positions, stroking his belly with his eyes closed as another contraction gripped him, making him shudder. 

"It's alright, angel," Anthony mumbled, a lot calmer now that Azra was in the hands of trained nurses. All he had to do was be the supportive mate, and it wasn't exactly a difficult role for him to assume. "I'm right here. I'm here with you," he murmured, his fingers in Azra's soft curls, his presence soothing the omega while he groaned and panted his way through the contraction. 

"Fuuuck...get on the bed, Anthony, I need you," Azra groaned, and the alpha obliged immediately, kicking his shoes off and climbing up to kneel beside his partner. Azra had gotten onto his hands and knees, his shoulders lowered to the bed, so Anthony wrapped an arm around him, stroking his hair slowly and just being there. Azra relaxed somewhat, leaning into his mate and letting out a deep sigh. 

"I feel exhausted already, and it's barely started," Azra muttered, and Anthony sighed, squeezing him gently. 

"I have no idea how people cope with this," he murmured, and Azra snorted, shaking his head slightly. 

"I have no idea how you can manage to get a tattoo, so I guess we're- ohhhh _fuck,_ I can't.." 

"Shh, you're doing so well already," Anthony soothed quickly, rubbing slow circles into his mate's back. "Can I do anything else?" He asked, and Azra gasped shakily, losing his ability for coherent speech to the pain. 

Anthony just waited patiently, giving Azra space to rock slightly as he tried to get things moving a little faster. 

"N-no," Azra managed at last, slowly shifting position into a deep squat, holding onto the headboard for support. Anthony quickly moved around behind him, wrapping his arms under Azra's stomach so he could rest against his mate's chest comfortably. 

"There we go, I've got you," Anthony murmured, and Azra began to relax into the position, the contractions beginning to get closer together at last, but still far too slow for Azra's liking. 

In fact, he was in active labour for another two hours, shifting position every so often, getting Anthony to help him drink and to cuddle up with him. 

Finally, the midwife was called in and Azra took his gown off, getting onto his knees and sinking down as another powerful contraction made him pant shakily. His mate's scent washed over him, calming him, the feeling of that hand on his shoulders, in his hair filling him with energy and confidence. 

"You're doing so well," Anthony praised softly, his voice sincere and full of gentle, loving awe. "I love you. You're amazing, Azra. Don't forget that, beautiful. Keep going, not much longer now." 

Groaning, Azra leaned towards him and Anthony hugged him tightly, shushing him lovingly and encouraging him with every step. Before long, Azra was screaming with every push, his body teetering right on its limit. He was in agony and exhausted and he could barely breathe, but the instinct to push was strong, driving him through the pain and tiredness. He needed her out. 

It all blurred again, a mass of pain and need and Anthony's touch, all mashed up together in his memory. 

Crystal clarity came flooding back, however, as soon as Azra heard that first shaky cry. He nearly collapsed, sobbing with relief himself, his whole body shaking and trembling. Anthony caught him easily, supporting him. 

Through his muffled hearing, Azra heard Anthony and the midwife talking, but his eyes were already closing up, his body limp and heavy. Everything began to fade, the world going black as he passed out. 

* * *

Azra opened his eyes and found Anthony gently stroking that fluffy hair, smiling down at his mate worriedly. 

"You blacked out for a minute or two there," he murmured sympathetically, and Azra managed a wan smile, his whole body immovable. 

"God, I feel awful. Where is she?" 

"The midwife is just cleaning her up and checking her over with the doctor, okay? Do you feel alright?" 

Azra chuckled weakly, finding Anthony's hand and squeezing it tightly, his eyes already wanting to close again, even as pride flooded through him at having brought his daughter into the world the way he'd wanted. After his traumatic first birth with Emily, in which a doctor had practically coerced him into having a c-section, he'd been determined to have Esme naturally, and it had paid off. 

"Just normal tiredness," he soothed, hoping to calm his anxious mate as he smiled to himself happily. Anthony was shifting from foot to foot, his lip bitten and chapped, his eyes a bit wider than usual, but he seemed to relax slightly at Azra's words. 

"Good, you scared me for a moment," Anthony admitted quietly, just as the door opened and the midwife re-entered, carrying a bundle in her arms. Azra immediately dragged his aching and sore body up into a sitting position, wordlessly holding his arms out. The midwife smiled brightly and very carefully handed the baby over, watching as Azra cradled her against his bare chest. 

As soon as he looked down into those soft golden eyes, gazing back at him, he couldn't help but start to cry ever so softly, hugging her as tightly as he dared, stroking her little cheek and rocking her slightly. Anthony sat down beside him carefully, stroking her soft, bright blonde hair and kissing Azra's cheek. 

"I'm so, _so_ proud of you," he announced softly, and Azra grinned, leaning his head against his mate's chest as he tried to stop crying. 

Their baby shifted in his arms, her little face scrunching up just before she started to cry. 

"Oh, shh, it's okay," Azra murmured, stroking her cheek slowly as the midwife hurried over with a bottle of formula, handing it to Anthony with a smile. 

"I thought she'd be hungry, she seemed a bit restless." 

Anthony thanked her and handed the bottle to Azra, who quickly presented it to their daughter and cooed to her as she started to feed immediately. 

"That's a relief," Azra chuckled, and Anthony sat down on the edge of the bed beside him, resting his chin on the omega's shoulder and just watching in rapt wonder. 

"She's...perfect. Our little Esme," he murmured, and Azra smiled, the tears threatening again, the emotion welling up in his chest once more now that his child was happily drinking. 

"Esme," Azra repeated in a whisper, and Anthony quickly wiped the omega's cheeks, then kissed his temple. 

"I'm so proud of you," Anthony purred, and Azra grinned, putting the bottle aside when Esme finished, burping her carefully before cradling her against his chest once more. Those beautiful golden eyes tried to focus without much success, and Azra just smiled, sitting back against the mountain of pillows and cuddling up to his mate. 

"Would you like to hold?" Azra asked after a moment or two, and Anthony nodded eagerly, his whole face lighting up even more as Azra handed Esme over, gently guiding Anthony on how to hold her. 

"God, she's beautiful," Anthony breathed, and Azra felt his chest swell with pride as Esme gurgled, shifting in her swaddle. "Hey Esme, I'm your dad," Anthony smiled, his voice full of such tender love, his embrace so gentle and careful, and Azra just couldn't keep the smile off his face. 

* * *

A couple of hours later, Azra woke from his exhausted doze to feel Anthony's hand on his cheek. 

"Angel, Em is here, and she wants to meet Esme," Anthony murmured, and Azra opened his eyes, blinking sleepily. 

"Okay. I'll hold her." 

"Alright," Anthony smiled, picking the baby up carefully and grinning down at her before handing her to Azra, who cradled her against his chest protectively. His body felt as if it was about to burst with love, his whole being overflowing with his love for his baby, his daughter, and his mate. 

Anthony slipped out after pulling Azra into a very quick kiss, and returned a minute or two later, Emily's hand in his. He gently led her over to the bed and she looked up at her father, her eyes wide. 

"Are you okay, Daddy?" 

Azra chuckled, nodding quickly. "Yes, love. Just a bit tired," he soothed, patting the bed beside him. "You can come up, just be careful. She's had a big day so far." 

Emily climbed up onto the bed slowly, sitting beside him and leaning over, her hand resting on Esme's chest. Her eyes went wide, a bright smile spreading across her face. 

"My baby sister!" She breathed, and Azra chuckled, carefully undoing the swaddle and showing Emily how tiny Esme's fingers and toes were. Emily was completely enthralled, giggling when Esme moved and waving to her. 

"I'm Emily, I'm your big sister!" She announced, then grinned at Azra, who was melting inside from just how cute it all was. Then he looked up at Anthony and felt the tears welling up again. 

And the only thought going through his mind was: _this is my happily ever after._

He had his baby in his arms, his daughter beside him, and his mate standing there, being with them, supporting him, and smiling at him in such a perfect, loving way. 

Azra couldn't imagine anything better. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys!  
> This is the last chapter! ;-; it's so weird to know that I'm not going to be posting this story anymore!  
> Big thanks to emilycare, I wouldn't have finished this without her excellent help editing! ♡♡♡ I'm so lucky :)  
> I really hope you liked this conclusion! I may do an epilogue at some point, but no big promises because I have a lot of projects atm. I'm going to post the second chapter of Magpie tomorrow, which I'm super excited about so keep an eye out for that!  
> And lastly, thank you all for your support and love, I really enjoyed writing this story and seeing all your comments! It's been really nice to have this sense of community with all this madness going on ♡ I hope you all stay well and safe!  
> ♡♡♡


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